Parents getting old

[LeanMature]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 

I AM a member, and I say to you very emphatically:

 

If you have a problem with someone impersonating you,  then get a membership, or a new one,  and you won't have this problem.

Please stop ranting about some other guests,  this is not our business and it is corrupting many threads where you post.

Your Greek phrases have become old too.

 

The only benefit of posting as guests is they can rant and troll all they want without being singled out.  So guest ranting with guest is very common in most of the threads except in Member and Personal sections where they can't post. 

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

The only benefit of posting as guests is they can rant and troll all they want without being singled out.  So guest ranting with guest is very common in most of the threads except in Member and Personal sections where they can't post. 

 

Yes, they are "untouchable".

Still THEY are the losers.  Because THEY rant and rant...  not us!

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, share said:

My mum just discharge from hospital today (about 1 week). Quite draining & worrying. I myself fall sick running up & down not sure if it's due to the weather or the viruses in the hospital. Her condition is complicated. Stroke &.... She use to be energetic & walk pretty fast. Lost some weight & weaker now, throughout the years.
We have to be strong & keep fit. Or we'll not be able to take care of them.
My dad pass away in his sleep when he was 68. Comforting that I spent a little more time with him b4 that. I felt & I was proud that I grew up. Asked him whether he have enough money to spend, got him his 1st mobile phone & shoes... just small gesture of appreciation.
My father was proud of me.
I'm so sad writing this. Miss him very much.....a part of me went with him...
I believe in treating them well when they're around. It leaves behind fond memories & no regret...
 

 

Maybe rather than a part of you went went with your dad, he is now in your heart and your mum's.

 

Take good care of your mum! Celebrate every day you have her with you.  Look out for your health so that you can take care of her.

It is not uncommon with old folks that when one spouse dies the other follows soon out of grieving and loneliness.

[bn4008]

父母健在是福气

不论状态如何只要儿女陪

尽孝道要早 。。在当下。。

不论路有多难走。。都要尽孝道。。

父母渐渐老 一天总会离开

伤心想念免不了 把握现在 花些时间陪伴

百善孝为先。。

加油吧！ 兄弟们！

 

我已是孤儿 后悔当初不会想。。

没能尽孝 没能给父母开心

最差也不要顶嘴令他们伤心 生气。。

说好话 善意的话 不要中伤他们。。

父母不在了才觉醒

要尽孝时已太迟。。

自身不好的行为 做为大家的反面教材

在此惭愧 忏悔。。

 

兄弟 你不要怕 你不会孤独的

在这个群 我们都是有缘人

有很多都是正能量的人

虽然彼此不认识 但都是很亲切

很愿意分享与鼓励

一点也不孤单。。

随时要做朋友都没问题。。

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Andrew]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

My mother died last month and I'm trying to move on. Death is inevitable. Try to male.the most of your time with your parents.

[mate69]

44 minutes ago, Guest Andrew said:

 

My mother died last month and I'm trying to move on. Death is inevitable. Try to male.the most of your time with your parents.

 

yes time is the most cruel commodity of life.

 

[Guest Sad]

On 2/19/2019 at 11:41 AM, thorzguy said:

This is the harsh reality. As the Chinese say "all banquet will eventually comes to an end". 

We do our best while all of us are still around. And when parents/elderly relatives leave, tell yourself that they are leaving for a better place.

Remember - they take care of us when we were a kid; now that they are aging, it is our time to take care of them. Focus on the positive aspect.

 

I saw a drawing with a caption. When people die, they are going to be reunited with the family of the past. Sometimes I worried too, after they passed away they will be shocked to learn their son is gay.

[Guest Sad]

8 hours ago, mate69 said:

 

yes time is the most cruel commodity of life.

 

If we are straight, we will have our wife, kids and family. This will keep us busy from wallowing in sadness. Time will heals. 

[Guest OooO]

2 hours ago, Guest Sad said:

If we are straight, we will have our wife, kids and family. This will keep us busy from wallowing in sadness. Time will heals. 

Straight married couple also have their own set of problems.  Worried about jobs, about children and also looking after their age old parents.  Singles, have one less thing to worry,  that is children.  No need to worry about putting food for them, paying for their education, their health, well beings...etc.  If wife suddently go crazy for no reason, that will also add another set of problem.  If children misbehaved, caught filming underskirt, inflluenced by bad people  and ended up taking drugs, parents will also feel stress...

 

Single is better if you are not afraid of dying..alone.  

[feedersmiracle]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

I feel the same way about my grandparents. And have not dealt with loss of loved one before... I'm also not very close to my parents as they like to keep things behind wraps because they think that if I'm gay or I am doing things they don't approve although I'm old enough, I'm not worth an opinion.

[LeanMature]

There are alot of things to prepare, decide and do when your parents are getting old.  Most gays past 40 will face it.

[Guest Guest]

28 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

There are alot of things to prepare, decide and do when your parents are getting old.  Most gays past 40 will face it.

 

That is so true. And many of the things require us to ask them very "inconvenient" questions such as how they want their funeral to be like,  which picture they want to use for their funeral, where they want their ashes to be, where they want to be cremated, how they want to split out the house, how they want to split their bank income, what is their ATM card number, and whether they want the children to continue to sustain them on  life support.  

[Guest Guest]

My neighbour got 2 adult son and a wife.he got stage 4 cancer and pass away last sat.His wife and children refuse to bring him back to ake care of him.instead put him in hospital and let him die. After he passed away no funneral for him just cremate him from the hospital .they want the easy way out.Less problem and  lesd cost

[robin]

My mom is 70+ years old. Knowing how my siblings will fight over inheritance matters, for many years, I have advice her to do a will & also have a nice picture of herself. But she finds such matters to be a taboo & procrastinate about it. But when my dad passed away, we realised the framed up picture which he has kept for many years in the wardrobe, it became so handy & convenient for us when we were preparing for his funeral. Deep in my heart, I think he has been very brave to go to the studio on his own (those days no smart phone)  & I thank him for his kind consideration. 
 

After his funeral, my mom finally realised how important it is to do a will & has a picture of herself which she is happy with. She finally went to do that. Now, the only thing left for us is to enjoy our time with each other  

Edited November 8, 2019 by robin

[Guest Dolphine]

I wonder what will government do to elderly gay people who die alone.  Will there be mass burning and ash collected in one place and thrown into the sea together with the rest at appropriate time? 

[FattChoy]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

I had a close friend when I was in Beijing.   Her 90yo mom lived in an apartment with her brother  (useless guy who is unemployed and spends all his time and money drinking and gambling outside).  Although her mom has like 6 sons and daughters combined, none of them visited her regularly except my friend.   I been to her mom's home once and it was awful.  The stench wa bad, they used 90s newspaper to cover to window and most of the time the mom, who was fat, would be topless in summer for convenience sake.  The toilet was disgusting.  There were several times she would visit her and find her mom having fallen and  laying on the bathroom floor, unable to come up on her own strength.  Since the brother was usually out for days,  the mother sometimes lie helplessly there for long periods of time.

 

So she lamented her situation to me about how she wished her mom could have better care and life in the twilight of her years.  I sat down and told her, "Look, your mom's property can sell for 6mil yuan.  If you want the best for your mom,  just sell it off, take the 6 mil and rent her a nice apartment.   You can then hire two bigsized manly beijing guys (北京爷们) to take care of her around the clock for 3000 yuan each. They can wheel her to the supermarket and parks or wherever makes her happy.  She's 90 and is at the tailend of her life and I doubt she can enjoy this luxury for a long period and drain off the 6 mil yuan if that's what you're worried of.  If you want to give her an empress' ending off, this might be it".

 

Then she said, "Of course we can't do that.  According to Chinese culture, the house is to be left to the next generation, not for the consumption of the old. Imagine if she does that, the next generation would scold her for eternity"

 

So I just clam up lar.  I think to myself,  why some people are so hypocritical.  On one hand she said she wanna give the best for her mom, but when it involved selling the apartment, which was 100% owned by the mom, her thoughts were more of the wellbeing of the grandchildren (indirectly herself and the other siblings).

 

Her mom continued to live in that poor state for like half to one year before one day the brother come back to find her dead beside the bed, probably trying to climb up after falling over.  

Edited November 9, 2019 by FattChoy

[Pubic01]

Hmmm .. “according to chinese culture” .. How convenient an excuse. 

 

Thats a very sad case you shared FattChoy. 

 

[feedersmiracle]

18 minutes ago, Pubic01 said:

Hmmm .. “according to chinese culture” .. How convenient an excuse. 

 

Thats a very sad case you shared FattChoy. 

 

 

I think they just waiting for the mum to pass away before renovate the house and fight over it. 

I hope I am wrong though. 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, FattChoy said:

 

I had a close friend when I was in Beijing.   Her 90yo mom lived in an apartment with her brother  (useless guy who is unemployed and spends all his time and money drinking and gambling outside).  Although her mom has like 6 sons and daughters combined, none of them visited her regularly except my friend.   I been to her mom's home once and it was awful.  The stench wa bad, they used 90s newspaper to cover to window and most of the time the mom, who was fat, would be topless in summer for convenience sake.  The toilet was disgusting.  There were several times she would visit her and find her mom having fallen and  laying on the bathroom floor, unable to come up on her own strength.  Since the brother was usually out for days,  the mother sometimes lie helplessly there for long periods of time.

 

So she lamented her situation to me about how she wished her mom could have better care and life in the twilight of her years.  I sat down and told her, "Look, your mom's property can sell for 6mil yuan.  If you want the best for your mom,  just sell it off, take the 6 mil and rent her a nice apartment.   You can then hire two bigsized manly beijing guys (北京爷们) to take care of her around the clock for 3000 yuan each. They can wheel her to the supermarket and parks or wherever makes her happy.  She's 90 and is at the tailend of her life and I doubt she can enjoy this luxury for a long period and drain off the 6 mil yuan if that's what you're worried of.  If you want to give her an empress' ending off, this might be it".

 

Then she said, "Of course we can't do that.  According to Chinese culture, the house is to be left to the next generation, not for the consumption of the old. Imagine if she does that, the next generation would scold her for eternity"

 

So I just clam up lar.  I think to myself,  why some people are so hypocritical.  On one hand she said she wanna give the best for her mom, but when it involved selling the apartment, which was 100% owned by the mom, her thoughts were more of the wellbeing of the grandchildren (indirectly herself and the other siblings).

 

Her mom continued to live in that poor state for like half to one year before one day the brother come back to find her dead beside the bed, probably trying to climb up after falling over.  

Housekeeping is a basic individual matter; If the house is smelly and dirty, whose fault can it be? If the 6 sons and daughters all refuses to visit the mother, who shoulders the blame? If the daughter has so much pity for the mother, she can always bring the mother back and live with her, so why didn't she do that? Even if the mother refuses to do so, the daughter could at least clean up the house for her, right? is there anybody worth our sympathy in this story at all? I'd rather spend my sympathy on those stray cats and dogs in SPCA.

 

[FattChoy]

3 hours ago, feedersmiracle said:

 

I think they just waiting for the mum to pass away before renovate the house and fight over it. 

I hope I am wrong though. 

Probably so.  The brother already eyeing it like a vulture.

[FattChoy]

4 hours ago, Pubic01 said:

Hmmm .. “according to chinese culture” .. How convenient an excuse. 

 

Thats a very sad case you shared FattChoy. 

 

 

If you're Chinese it's not too far fetched.  We have a significant self-sacrificing trait, as far as I see .... although not always.  I'm sure if my friend asked her 90yo mom if she should sell off the apartment to get the funds to give the mom a good life, the mom would definitely rubbish it.  Probably would have said,  "I'm already old and would be gone soon.  Let the young ones inherit it"

 

When another of my Beijing friend got married, his dad gifted him an apartment.   His dad worked in a food factory as a labourer and nickled and dimed his way since the 80s to buy for his son an eventual family home.  In China if a young man has no house and car he's deemed not marriage worthy.  So not only did his dad bought the apartment before capitalism drove up the prices beyond a normal person's reach, his dad also single handedly takes care of his dementia wife (my friend's mother) so that my friend can focus on his own young family.  Really take my hat off to some folks who do that.  

 

 

Edited November 9, 2019 by FattChoy

[robin]

14 hours ago, Guest Dolphine said:

I wonder what will government do to elderly gay people who die alone.  Will there be mass burning and ash collected in one place and thrown into the sea together with the rest at appropriate time? 

When an elderly person is found dead alone, I don’t think the authorities will try to determine the sexual orientation of the deceased & then use that info to decide what to do. So whether straight, gay or bi, the handling procedure should be the same 😜

[Steve5380]

15 hours ago, FattChoy said:

 

So she lamented her situation to me about how she wished her mom could have better care and life in the twilight of her years.  I sat down and told her, "Look, your mom's property can sell for 6mil yuan.  If you want the best for your mom,  just sell it off, take the 6 mil and rent her a nice apartment.   You can then hire two bigsized manly beijing guys (北京爷们) to take care of her around the clock for 3000 yuan each. They can wheel her to the supermarket and parks or wherever makes her happy.  She's 90 and is at the tailend of her life and I doubt she can enjoy this luxury for a long period and drain off the 6 mil yuan if that's what you're worried of.  If you want to give her an empress' ending off, this might be it".

 

Then she said, "Of course we can't do that.  According to Chinese culture, the house is to be left to the next generation, not for the consumption of the old. Imagine if she does that, the next generation would scold her for eternity"

 

 

When we get older we become more frugal, detached of material things, with zero interest in luxury.  The daughter may have recognized that the mother did not want to depart from her house, which was her refuge even if it was not cared for.  A better solution would have been for the mother, the owner of the house, to get her children together and told them: "I am not going to live much longer, and you would inherit this house of mine.  But I have the freedom to leave it to a charity,  which I will do unless I see a change in your attitudes. You will all come to clean and work on the house, make repairs or have them made, and leave it in perfect condition.  I also need that you all visit me frequently and care for me.   If you do so the improvements in the house will benefit you when you inherit the house.  If any of you is not willing to honor your mother and collaborate, this is fine.  I will just leave you off my will." 

.

Edited November 9, 2019 by Steve5380

[Steve5380]

On 2/14/2019 at 6:07 AM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

I wish I could tell you how to overcome this sadness, but I think that it is unavoidable.  If you live long enough and you have good feelings, you will have to mourn the passing of people you love.  It is inevitable as much as we cannot avoid losing our first teeth.

 

I just made a one week trip to South America for the only purpose to visit my beloved aunt, 94 y.o. and in very delicate state.  She recognized me and was happy to see me, my two cousins and I we were around her most of the time, and when I left I told her "till next time" and we smiled.  Two days later I got a call from my cousin telling me that she had passed away in her sleep. This was the best that could happen to her,  but my heart is broken. (it has not yet recovered from the loss of my friend one year ago).  I am a strong man but I often cry out of grief.  What may be helpful is to have been kind to the diseased so that no feelings of guilt add to the grieving for the loss.  Then, with clear conscience we can find consolation in that they don't suffer anymore and are in peace.

[Guest Guest]

@FattChoy: u mean your friend is selfish because of the property? Sad ...

[FattChoy]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

@FattChoy: u mean your friend is selfish because of the property? Sad ...

I think it is important to look back at the theme and question of the thread starter, which is basically asking - 'parents aging, old and going to die, and that thought makes me sad.  What can I do to overcome it?'

 

In my Beijing friend's mom case, it was more than just the need for housekeeping; she needed round the clock care.  For many years the old lady's eldest son shouldered this responsibility where he would use her pension money to buy her food and cycle over to deliver it.  One day someone crashed into his bicycle and he couldn't do it anymore.  Since the younger son who lived with her could not give a damn, my friend periodically came over from the other side of Beijing, buy her food and even brought her spouse over to clean up the mess, scrub the toilets etc.  

 

This was not a sustainable solution as my friend have her own family to take care and can't come everyday.  I don't know about them but I totally saw this worst case scenario coming.  [15 years ago my own old aunt died in her bathroom after slipping, and the neighbours alerted her children after she was not seen out for 2 days.  She lived alone although she (also) had 6 children, and all of them lived on the island. Her daughter who was supposed to be on rotation visit couldn't make it that fateful day.  The ironic thing was most of my cousins were well to do].

 

My suggestion to my Beijing friend to sell the apartment was of course outrageous, extreme, easier said than done and probably just a passing comment where I treated their situation like a heartless mathematical problem.  They would have probably objected and exploded into a full blown family fight if they heard of it.  But in the end they continued to implement their wonky adhoc solution until the old lady died by herself.  

 

In my opinion I think parents dying is sad but her mom dying after barely surviving in a state of undercare and obvious prolonged neglect is atrocious.  So yeah, they are all selfish, over money - some more than others.

 

For myself, my own principles on what to do with aging parents was moulded after a chat with a close older friend who worked in many jobs overseas his whole life.  At that time I was working in Beijing and my mom fell ill at home, but thank god my siblings took care of her.  It bothered me that I couldn't be there for her and I asked my friend if it bothered him too in his own case.  To my surprise he said he had zero regrets cos he actually saw it coming, chose to stop working overseas during those years and was there for his mom at her time of fragility till her very end.

 

I was like, "Wow...great call on that, dude.  Fantastico!".  One of my motto in life and work is Woody Allen's saying - "Showing up is 80% of success" and I'm determined to make this my deliberate decision for me and my mom.  At the end, I too want to be able to say that I have no regrets either.

 

 

Edited November 10, 2019 by FattChoy

[Guest Guest]

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

What may be helpful is to have been kind to the diseased so that no feelings of guilt add to the grieving for the loss. 

 

I really despise hypocrites like these. 

 

 

Take a look at how he treated abang in one of abang's last few posts here in BW.  And he even further insulted abang recently by claiming that "He invited me to treat him with less than affection."  And after all these, he can hypocritically tell us to be kind to the deceased ....?? 

 

 

 

[Guest Life]

Excuse me, bitches.   This thread is about 'PARENTS GETTING OLD", simple English nobody understand?

 

Anyway,  Parents getting old is one thing,  if ailments set in, it is quite another thing.  If your parents mobility became challenged, than you may have to prepare to quit your job, look for nursing care, a maid or day-care center.   If one of your parents is still able to take care of their partner, you are lucky.  If it is single parent, than It is a journey you have to prepare to take to look after them.   In reality, nothing comes free.  Be prepared to spend quite a sum to take care of your elderly.  This is Singapore, not denmark, you get the drift.

[Pubic01]

On a ‘brighter’ note, me think it’s wonderful to be an ageing gay. No one (off spring) needs to grieve over my eventual demise. I just need to commit to myself all the way. We can treat our elderly folks’ situations as case studies for ourselves. Even in their golden years these wonderful elderlies never fail to continue imparting precious life lessons to us the younger observers. 

 

Edited November 10, 2019 by Pubic01

[Guest Gay Son]

8 minutes ago, Pubic01 said:

On a ‘brighter’ note, me think it’s wonderful to be an ageing gay. No one (off spring) needs to grieve over my eventual demise. I just need to commit to myself all the way. We can treat our elderly folks’ situations as case studies for ourselves. Even in their golden years these wonderful elderlies never fail to continue imparting precious life lessons to us the younger observers. 

 

Yes, you witnessed their Journey.  I once told my mom that I will take care of her and she need not be afraid.  I also reminded her that I am not afraid even when I get old if nobody look after me.  I wanted her to feel my courage so that she can be courageious. 

[Guest Guest]

39 minutes ago, Pubic01 said:

On a ‘brighter’ note, me think it’s wonderful to be an ageing gay. No one (off spring) needs to grieve over my eventual demise. I just need to commit to myself all the way. We can treat our elderly folks’ situations as case studies for ourselves. Even in their golden years these wonderful elderlies never fail to continue imparting precious life lessons to us the younger observers. 

 

 

28 minutes ago, Guest Gay Son said:

Yes, you witnessed their Journey.  I once told my mom that I will take care of her and she need not be afraid.  I also reminded her that I am not afraid even when I get old if nobody look after me.  I wanted her to feel my courage so that she can be courageious. 

 

What about this possibility of you guys falling down from your bed in the middle of the night, and suffer from partial paralysis because of that? And since you do not have anyone caring for you, you might not be found until your corpse start rotting and that's the only clue of your death to make anyone call for police help. But this is the easy part to describe. The morbid part includes the time when you lie on the floor, thirsty and hungry, and crying in pain with nobody to help you for two or three days before you slowly and surely feel your life seeps out from you.... 

 

Aren't you guys seriously not afraid of that?  But in any case, we still have some years to think about how to prevent such a dire consequence from happening to us.... 

[Pubic01]

16 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

 

What about this possibility of you guys falling down from your bed in the middle of the night, and suffer from partial paralysis because of that? And since you do not have anyone caring for you, you might not be found until your corpse start rotting and that's the only clue of your death to make anyone call for police help. But this is the easy part to describe. The morbid part includes the time when you lie on the floor, thirsty and hungry, and crying in pain with nobody to help you for two or three days before you slowly and surely feel your life seeps out from you.... 

 

Aren't you guys seriously not afraid of that?  But in any case, we still have some years to think about how to prevent such a dire consequence from happening to us.... 

Such accident can happen to anyone living alone. Not a situation perculiar to elderlies only. If anything, it’s more a safety issue than purely an elderly issue. Although being weak physically  that comes with age does complicate such situation when it happens. 

 

Communal living lo .. may be a possible approach and it is a trend catching up in many developed countries, wherein elderlies find safety living in a community. Keep an eye out for one another. 

 

Fear is very paralysing indeed. Which makes it all the more necessary to start thinking and prepare for such situations early. It actually takes a society to make such things happen. 

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

I really despise hypocrites like these. 

 

 

Take a look at how he treated abang in one of abang's last few posts here in BW.  And he even further insulted abang recently by claiming that "He invited me to treat him with less than affection."  And after all these, he can hypocritically tell us to be kind to the deceased ....?? 

 

 

The picture Guest Guest posted shows how he was abused by his mother as a child.  This explains why he  despises  so much and so many people!  Hopefully he gets the help he needs some day!

 

I can understand his trauma and so I don't take in his accusation that I mistreated abang in his last days.  What absurdity!  No one knew that his last posts of long time ago were his last, probably not even himself.  All we know about him is what someone wrote that he passed away.

 

Now let's go back to the topic.

 

When we get old we lose most interests in material things.  The most important for us becomes LOVE.  Forgive everyone and be forgiven by them.  This is the best preparation for passing away, and it is the best gift we can give to those in that situation.  At the end of life, love is still the answer.

[Innocentguy]

What happened to "abang"? Is he ok?

[Guest APU NEH NEH]

3 hours ago, Innocentguy said:

What happened to "abang"? Is he ok?

Did you not read what the thread title say?  Is  ABANG your father or what.

[Innocentguy]

3 hours ago, Guest APU NEH NEH said:

Did you not read what the thread title say?  Is  ABANG your father or what.

Was just curious since we are talking abt old parents. 

Btw having father is better than a rude bastard like u.

[Guest Stop!!]

17 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

 

What about this possibility of you guys falling down from your bed in the middle of the night, and suffer from partial paralysis because of that? And since you do not have anyone caring for you, you might not be found until your corpse start rotting and that's the only clue of your death to make anyone call for police help. . The morbid part includes the time when you lie on the floor, thirsty and hungry, and crying in pain with nobody to help you for two or three days before you slowly and surely feel your life seeps out from you.... 

 

Don't buy bed, buy a short frame bed.  Stop climing up and down. Stop smoking, drinking, eating unhealthy food or exercise like a pro.  Stop collectng rubbish to obstruct spaces.  Stop quarrelling, bitching and boasting.  Stop thinking too far, stop dreaming and hoping.   Take each day as it goes by and you will be safe and if you were to go, will go easily without having to wake up and be happy that your Gay life finally ended, no more sufferings in this straight world. Then you will wake up, and found that your are born into a good family, no more gay but a beautiful girl who will eventually married to a wonderful man of your dream.  Think along that line.

[Guest Guest]

On 11/10/2019 at 5:48 AM, Steve5380 said:

I just made a one week trip to South America for the only purpose to visit my beloved aunt, 94 y.o. and in very delicate state. 

 

Who cares about your AUNT??? Did you not read what the thread title say?  Is  your AUNT your mother or what.

[Guest Guest]

Maybe his aunt is like his god mother? 

[Guest Legit]

20 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Who cares about your AUNT??? Did you not read what the thread title say?  Is  your AUNT your mother or what.

His Aunt is old.  Thus this thread is about old people so it is legit.  Now get back k to the topic of elderly.  

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Who cares about your AUNT??? Did you not read what the thread title say?  Is  your AUNT your mother or what.

 

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Maybe his aunt is like his god mother? 

 

My aunt was like a mother to me.  She married my uncle when I was 3 years old,  and she told me she fell in love with that little boy I was at that time,  and I fell in love with her. This love has lasted over 70 years!  This is why I am grieving like from the loss of a mother.

 

3 hours ago, Guest Legit said:

His Aunt is old.  Thus this thread is about old people so it is legit.  Now get back k to the topic of elderly.  

 

Thank you.

[fab]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarāmaraṇa

[Steve5380]

15 hours ago, fab said:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarāmaraṇa

 

From the web page you posted:

 

Late in his life, the Buddha expresses disgust with aging and death in the Jarā Sutta:

I spit on you, old age —

old age that makes for ugliness.

The bodily image, so charming,

is trampled by old age.

Even those who live to a hundred

are headed — all — to an end in death,

which spares no one,

which tramples all.^[9]

 

I fully agree with your Buddha.

We are born without our will.  We accept life and we take on the responsibility to direct and care for a human body. Our hearts open to let in the people we love.  And then...

these people are ripped away from us when they die.  This is abominable!!!  Even the most evil person does not deserve to be treated in such ugly way by life 

 

 

[Guest Nodi]

Boths parent are now in.the 90s. I know I only have little time.with them. Sooner or later they will be gone.

[lightsmith32]

Part and parcel of life. I cant see my life after my parents go. Ill be alone and lonely. Gave up prospective marriages along the way to take care of parents.

[Guest What?]

 

On 7/4/2021 at 7:20 PM, lightsmith32 said:

Part and parcel of life. I cant see my life after my parents go. Ill be alone and lonely. Gave up prospective marriages along the way to take care of parents.

You are not the only lonesome gay.  Count the number of Gays in Singapore, you are not exactly alone. 

[auscent]

On 7/4/2021 at 7:20 PM, lightsmith32 said:

Part and parcel of life. I cant see my life after my parents go. Ill be alone and lonely. Gave up prospective marriages along the way to take care of parents.

After ur parents gone, youll be lost. But only for a while. U will find small things you enjoy doing, sweet lil' surprises. Sure ull have less company but ull get used to it. 

 

Dont listen to the trolls. Carve out ur own fate.

[lightsmith32]

1 hour ago, auscent said:

After ur parents gone, youll be lost. But only for a while. U will find small things you enjoy doing, sweet lil' surprises. Sure ull have less company but ull get used to it. 

 

Dont listen to the trolls. Carve out ur own fate.

That is comforting to know ... thank you ..

Edited July 5, 2021 by lightsmith32

[lightsmith32]

4 hours ago, Guest What? said:

 

You are not the only lonesome gay.  Count the number of Gays in Singapore, you are not exactly alone. 

I didnt say im lonesome. I meant that after my parents pass on, my fate is unknown as all this while my priorities has been them.

 

And this topic is not abt gays its about people.

 

Your comment is not exactly logical.

[Guest Guest]

I was never close to my dad, all that I remember was he will beat me up with his leather belt when I was young. He never did that to my other siblings. He passed on years ago, after many years of body sickness including dementia. It still pains me when I saw him gasping for air during his final moments. 
 

My mum is 80 years old now, still doing well albeit with some seniors’ common illnesses. I try to visit her more often now, although I had never confided in to her, or any of my family members ever. I guess accompany her would at least make me feel I am doing something as a son. I can’t bear her any grand children, which fortunately my siblings do. However, they were not able to give her any pocket money, which that is a trade-off for me. 
 

Yes seeing her getting older and more frail over the years saddens me.