GachiMuchi Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 Are You Using a 'Death Grip' During Masturbation? It Could Be Messing With Your Sex Life. Here's how to fix the problem. BY GIGI ENGLE APR 4, 2019 ORBON ALIJAGETTY IMAGES Haven't heard of "death grip?" That’s OK. Not many people have, despite it being a widespread masturbation practice amongst penis-having people, far and wide. And not only widespread, but dangerous. Not in the life-threatening sense, but in the can-mess-with-your-life-and-be-super-annoying sense. The term "death grip," as it pertains to masturbation, was originally coined by the pioneering sex columnist Dan Savage. "It refers to men that masturbate with an overly tight grip on their penises—or in any fashion that applies a LOT of pressure, like humping a mattress—who later go on to have difficulty orgasming during partner sex,” explains Sarah Martin, MA, a certified sex coach. It can also lead to an inability to orgasm and issues maintaining erections. This means you might be gripping your penis with your hand so tightly, that having sex with a partner (intercourse, oral, etc.) can feel unexciting or under-stimulating for you. Let’s be real, a vagina or mouth is never going to be as tight as a hand. This is just science. When your penis isn’t feeling sensation (or very little), it can be a pretty terrifying thing—especially if you have no idea what’s going on. One day you’re getting off to your favorite hardcore porn, and the next day, when faced with an opportunity to have human-on-human contact, your penis isn’t doing “what it’s supposed to.” Here is everything you need to know about death grip, why we do it during masturbation, and some solutions to ensure it doesn’t interfere with your sex life. The Death Grip and Masturbation First, let’s state what the obvious: There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a healthy expression of human sexuality. Inviting a discussion of death grip into the cultural zeitgeist does not mean we’re suddenly anti-masturbation. Whether you’re single, in a long-term relationship, dating around, open, or polyamorous, masturbation is a wonderful way to release tension and get in touch with your body. But, like anything in life, sometimes too much of a “good” thing can can have unpleasant consequences. While masturbation is awesome, it can just so happen that your masturbation techniques may have the potential to disrupt other areas of your sex life. “Humans are creatures of habit, and the same goes for our genitals," Martin says. "If someone gets accustomed to experiencing orgasm from a lot of pressure, changing to a context with less pressure and more subtle sensations can make it difficult to experience orgasm." (There may be a link to masturbation with death grip and penile nerve damage, but there currently isn’t enough scientific data to support this conclusion.) GLEBCHIKGETTY IMAGES Why Do People Use the Death Grip? There are many reasons why someone might use death grip. The most obvious being: It feels good. You may start masturbating this way as a preteen or teenager, increasing force over time as your penis starts needing more and more pressure. The reason people use the death grip may have something to do with sex shame. “Limited access to sex education and religious restrictions on masturbation lead to many [male-bodied people] not being taught the proper way to pleasure themselves,” says Daniel Saynt the founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops. “Television and film representation of masturbation also doesn't help.” When you see highly amped-up versions of sex in porn and have no other form of education, you start to rely more heavily on hyper-stimulating images to reach orgasm. Additionally, Martin says that young men are often so afraid of getting caught masturbating, that they develop death grip to get it “over with” as quickly as possible. NICULICIOIU ANDREI / EYEEMGETTY IMAGES How to Overcome Death Grip If you want to get around the adverse effects of death grip, you have to change the way you masturbate. Of course, this is a simple answer to a not-so-simple problem. Martin says, “Practice solo! When masturbating, use a light touch and use lube. Focus on what feels good.” This might leave you frustrated at first, but try to remember this isn’t an easy fix. Teaching you body to enjoy new and less intense stimulation will take time and patience. As for what lube to try, we love Cocolube. It’s all-natural, long-lasting, and helps increase sensitivity. You could also experiment with Foria—CBD lubricants that are usually used to increase blood flow to the clitoris. It can do the same for penises! “Changing your masturbation habits is the best way to manage desensitization on your own, but it's also important to talk to your partner. Let them know ahead of time that you take a longer time to reach orgasm,” Saynt explains. “Focus on other pleasurable activities so that all the pressure isn't on your orgasm. Agree to let go of the idea that you need to come in order for the experience to be enjoyable for you.” And no, you don't have to stop watching porn to overcome death grip. If you choose to take a break from it, that’s totally up to you. It can be beneficial for some men to step entirely away from erotic materials when conquering other sexual concerns. If you don't want to give up porn, Martin suggests an alternative that can keep porn in the rotation, and help you redefine your relationship with this kind of material: “Don't touch yourself while you watch porn. Soak up the images, savor it, get crazy turned on,” she says. “Then, turn off the laptop, go to another room, and replay the images in your mind while you masturbate. This allows you to tune more into the sensations in your penis, without distraction from all the input to your eyes.” If you slip up, forgive yourself. With the inevitable frustrations that will likely occur when finding new masturbation ground, it can be overwhelming. You might find that you get so fed up, you go back to your old death grip ways. That is OK! Forgive yourself and start anew. Old habits die hard. There is a reason for this saying, even if you can’t forgive the pun. “The temptation to just take yourself to pound town and get it over with can be immense," Martin says. "And, if you do go back to your old habit after trying for a while, don't be hard on yourself. Just resolve to go longer next time, and eventually you will get there." timber_wolf 1 Quote http://gachimuchi2008.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galken Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 oh! This is exactly the problem I'm having red ball and bouncing balls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 Good advice! To masturbate with as light a grip as possible. Lube? For those of us fortunate to be uncut, lube is totally unnecessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest be gentle Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 I have met guys who use way too much strength and force when rubbing my dick. I know it turns you on but bro, it's not indestructible... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antifan Posted February 7, 2020 Report Share Posted February 7, 2020 Looking forward to reading more.. Great post. Really Cool gmail sign up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted February 9, 2020 Report Share Posted February 9, 2020 On 2/6/2020 at 7:38 PM, antifan said: Looking forward to reading more.. Great post. Really Cool gmail sign up https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death-grip Ha ha ha... I am making an association of this ideas of "death-grip" with what we learn in our class of Aikido. It is called "kokyu rokyu" (breath power), a way to get in touch with another person that is soft and relaxing. If we grab a guy with strong energy (death-grip), he will respond in kind, tensing everything and making him impossible to move. If we grab him instead with "kokyu", he will remain relaxed and not resist the movement ... until it is too late (until he is laying on the floor pinned down). There might be a similar principle when we make contact with others or with ourselves during sex. Brusk and agitated is not the same as "passion". Instead, there can be passion in softness. I have no experience with this, but could this softness also help bottoms relax? On the other hand if we are used to little pressure on the cock, we may not enjoy topping. Sorry bottoms! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Low Posted February 28, 2020 Report Share Posted February 28, 2020 Wow! A gripping article! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Masc btm Posted February 28, 2020 Report Share Posted February 28, 2020 Even worse is the fuck of death. After you're used to good hard fucks, you want it harder and faster. Few tops can do that for long, then you have to have a few tops. That's even more difficult to find, no choice have to be less choosy. Lucky to keep good body to attract them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Six Posted March 6, 2020 Report Share Posted March 6, 2020 How to masturbate then? Use a toy to poke into a kkj so there is no overly tight grip? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Annoyed Posted March 6, 2020 Report Share Posted March 6, 2020 I have had several hookups where the other guy would treat the cock and nipples as if they were indestructible. I mean you are a guy too and will know when it will hurt, idiot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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FattChoy Posted June 12, 2022 Report Share Posted June 12, 2022 On 4/11/2019 at 3:41 PM, GachiMuchi said: As for what lube to try, we love Cocolube. It’s all-natural, long-lasting, and helps increase sensitivity. You could also experiment with Foria—CBD lubricants that are usually used to increase blood flow to the clitoris. It can do the same for penises! CBD is drugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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