Badly Infatuated Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) Dear all, just wanna ask for opinions or advices... I am in my mid 30s and I have just left a very unfulfilled r/s (physically and emotionally) months ago after being together a decade... so finally downloaded Grindr to explore... rather conservative so never had sex with strangers before... but decided maybe try something new since r/s also end up with nothing and i wanted to make up for lost time... chatted for many months but never met anyone... somehow... no one made me super wanna meet them... Then one day I chatted with this foreign guy whom i find average in attraction (or max slightly above average)... the text were plain and ask for role and such... nothing special... but somehow I felt an unexplained good feeling about this person despite the typical Grindr 1-2 words short sex-chat... so I added him to whatsapp next day and chatted for a while... hes friendly and warm and all and he made me wanted to meet him after a day of knowing him... an unexplained feeling for someone i never met and jus got to know... so he said he wanna meet too... i told him can meet up but might be just chat and nothing more... or maybe cuddle... or maybe all the way... or i might just walk away without explanation once i see him if it's catfish or i dont like him in any way and he could do the same of coz... we basically agreed on things easily and have common understanding and honour in many areas... once we met... i find him much more attractive in reality, in fact, he is considered handsome to me and he liked what he saw too... so we went to his place to chit chat and all and everything was so comfy between us and i decided to be bolder and went ahead to go all the way... and it ended up in a non-stop amazing sex for few hours... we had perfectly amazing sex chemistry by chance. i never expected that... even after the session, we would cuddle and caress each other and kiss each other's faces like boyfriends and continued chatted for another 2 hours before i made my way home... i tho i hit the jackpot... amazing sex buddy with no complication as his status (age, nationality, stage of life) are very off from my potential bf chart... i went home feeling great.. and we continued to meet for a few more times with each time being mind-blowing sex for both of us. and one day he casually told me he agreed to meet up with a white guy and suddenly my heart sank. i felt a sense of jealousy and i am not the jealous type. since then, i think about him day and night... i think about the wonderful sex... and also how click we r in chit chatting after the sex... i could tell him my dark secret despite only knowing him shortly... i felt super safe w him... i think about how boyfriend-ish we are, with all the tender kisses even when we are not having sex when hanging out at his place after sex. i think about how we had an orgasmic round 1... then we both got hard again over chatting for 1.5 hours on non-sexual stuff and we went for round two... eventually, with him so tired that he finally lie his head on my shoulder, hugged me and fell asleep like a baby.... with his head on my shoulder and arm over my body... my heart melted... when i think back... although the orgasms were great... what i liked more was our foreplay... so much "love" and tender... to the point i am fine even if there is no orgasm... i no longer care abt his undesirable age, nationality or different stages of life from me... and i think... i would like to hang out with him even if there were no sex even though it was super orgasmic... for meals... for chats... for movies... i started to think what shows i want to watch w him... what food to buy for him to try... sounds like a potential? sadly... no... he made it clear that he is not interested in r/s at all... well one could change his mind if he meet the right one, am i right? unfortunately, despite being in a deep infatuation, i could tell i am not the "right one". despite we click so well, feel super comfy w each other that we could just share personal stuff with each other... he would never message me to chat... when i take the initiative to msg him he would only give me short answers or not reply at all... and when we meet, it would be the great sex and very "clickable" chatting again... basically, im in such a deep infatuation is because baseline, i feel super comfy w him and he is a very charming person with many good qualities like humble, kind, considerate, compassionate etc. and I am sure everyone has bad points which i unfortunately, yet to see much in him... and also another salient reason is... i was in a very unfulfilled r/s that i just got out as mentioned? and... this fellow somehow provided me with all the physical and emotional needs that i have been craving over a decade... and imagine i got that with the first meetup at Grindr? I am so infatuated that I couldnt get out of it for half a month already... i would check grindr to see when he was online and how many hours in between etc... imagine if hes been having sex with other guys since i have stopped myself from meeting him for over a week already... and obviously i am disgusted and disappointed w me behaving like this and i am trying to help myself but i cant get out... it is so not me to track someone... i am not the jealousy type usually... i am trying to help myself by dropping my ego and have been talking to a lot of friends about it honestly about it (helped to a certain extent) and even about me going on Grindr to hookup w this fellow... been going online to talk to strangers... trying not to stay at home... go out to meet new friends introduced by friends... i am also trying to stop myself from seeking out wanton sex in a bid to dilute my feeling for this crush in case i regret it later... but the struggle is tough... every waking hours i spent were thinking about him, missing him even though i functioned at work so well that no one can tell im in a great depression... i been sleeping only a few mere hours per day as i continued to think about him nonstop when i sleep... logically... i know i needed to move on... and that we will not develop from sex buddies to anything more... i can understand and see things from the logical perspective but my heart just refused to follow my lead... i just cannot control my heart and its affecting me both emotionally and physically... some friends ask me to continue to sleep with more pple until i think hes nothing special... they said coz im new to the app... but i think its dangerous for me to do that in my current stage of mind as i am not thinking clearly and i dont wan to regret my action later... i dont wan to sleep around until i become jaded and all... also... when i think abt him... i feel resistant abt having sex w other pple from Grindr coz i only want him... i only look at Grindr to check his online status or to look at other guys profile or chat to distract myself from thinking abt him, otherwise i have a sorta desire to delete Grindr already...and also... is it only becoz hes the 1st person i met from grindr thats why im so infatuated and having sex w other pple will help? after all, i did mention i already chatted w many pple for months and for this fellow... it was this unexplained chemistry... which in reality we did click and feel super comfy w each other... i already tried to help myself by stopping to meeting him and only drop him a message once every few days when i cant help it and not keep checking my phone to see if he replies or not...... but i still think abt him all the time and wanna talk to him... i am in such a deep shit man... sigh... i think ultimately i am the type that just want to have sex w one person who is my lover instead of sleeping around... despite ending a long r/s... i think i am still the same person... anyone got any personal encounter/experience or advice to help me pls? i really wanna get out of it and move on to find the next love of my life (and hopefully the ultimate one till we grow old and die... as difficult as it sounds...) Thanks for any help... thanks... =[ Lost and confused Edited August 28, 2019 by Badly Infatuated Quote
mate69 Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I think he has already made it very clear to you, no? The ball is in your court now, to call it off. Short-term pain better than long-term misery. bluerunner 1 Quote
gregzeters Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) Clearly you have stated that he is not looking for a r/s. Perhaps just a FB relationship whereby both can click sexually which is the case. It’s easier to talk to someone that you dun really know as they are more less likely to judge. Perhaps that why you feel so comfy talking to him. Jus move on, he could just be Another guy in ur life. Edited August 28, 2019 by gregzeters Quote
Badly Infatuated Posted August 28, 2019 Author Posted August 28, 2019 mate69: he doesnt know about how i am feeling. maybe he suspected but i been keeping my cool and my shit together as best as i can and such... he has no idea im in great depression or deep infatuation with him i think... maybe jus suspected i want something more than jus sex... and like i have mentioned, i already stopped meeting him despite thinking abt him all the time... but i still cant get out of it... Quote
Badly Infatuated Posted August 28, 2019 Author Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) @gregzeters: thanks for replying. " It’s easier to talk to someone that you dun really know as they are more less likely to judge. Perhaps that why you feel so comfy talking to him." This is definitely not the case as the stuff i told him abt are not issues that bother me... i dont need to tell anyone in fact and i never even told pple close to me coz i dont have the desire or the need to as they r matters of the past... and definitely not stuff i wanna tell to a FB... but w him... i jus want to share more abt myself... like how u share urself wishing someone to get to know u better and it is very safe to share... "Jus move on, he could just be Another guy in ur life." my logical side knows that... but my emotional side just refuse to let go... T_T Edited August 28, 2019 by Badly Infatuated Quote
Kimochi Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 Did you told your fb about your feeling to him? In a subtle manner, not to frighten him off. But likely he not likely to have relationship because of his own reason. (You can try to find out and probably lend a hand~ but think again and weight the pros and cons properly ) Your unfulfilled relationship means you might wanna consider carefully to salvage or split if beyond salvage. (Simply because it hurts and like pointless ) Quote
Badly Infatuated Posted August 28, 2019 Author Posted August 28, 2019 @kimochi hi thanks.. 1) yes... im thinking of communicating it to my fb and maybe after discussing what he's gonna tell me (even the ugly truth) it will be easier for me to let go after that... and yes... my feeling is super intense but if i ever talk to him... i will try to make it as mild and plain as i can coz i dont wan to pressurise him or make him feel bad... he didnt wanna have a r/s becoz of the trauma of breakup 4 yrs ago of his 1st r/s that lasted 3 yrs... it scared him too much... he shared it w me the 1st time we met to chat 2) im going to make my fulfilled r/s matter of the past.. after break up, ex kept waiting for me to go back to him and even offered open r/s to salvage which is totally out of his belief... partial reason: i went to try out sex in Grindr also was to see if open r/s is possible for me and ex. so obviously it's not possible and i didnt want to waste my ex's time so i told him what happened- why am i depressed, my infatuation and all so now he's finally trying to move on too... Quote
doncoin Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 What you are experiencing is not unusual. You projected some of your internal emotional/physical needs which the fb met. However, he is in a different place emotionally than you. Relationships require a lot of work, and not many guys can put the effort and energy into it. Gaymerchi ii desu yo 1 Quote Love.
feedersmiracle Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 This is why I don't like to do hook ups outside of relationships. But aside from that side note, I think you need to find your own closure for this one. He already gave you what he thinks is good enough as closure for a FB and you hopefully you find your emotional and spiritual needs met in another guy. Gaymerchi ii desu yo 1 Quote Speaking loudly, suffers softly. Smiles so wide, cuts unseen inside.Bitin' the bullet, but never kick the bucket.
benedict5856 Posted September 16, 2019 Posted September 16, 2019 On 8/28/2019 at 2:13 PM, Badly Infatuated said: @kimochi hi thanks.. 1) yes... im thinking of communicating it to my fb and maybe after discussing what he's gonna tell me (even the ugly truth) it will be easier for me to let go after that... and yes... my feeling is super intense but if i ever talk to him... i will try to make it as mild and plain as i can coz i dont wan to pressurise him or make him feel bad... he didnt wanna have a r/s becoz of the trauma of breakup 4 yrs ago of his 1st r/s that lasted 3 yrs... it scared him too much... he shared it w me the 1st time we met to chat 2) im going to make my fulfilled r/s matter of the past.. after break up, ex kept waiting for me to go back to him and even offered open r/s to salvage which is totally out of his belief... partial reason: i went to try out sex in Grindr also was to see if open r/s is possible for me and ex. so obviously it's not possible and i didnt want to waste my ex's time so i told him what happened- why am i depressed, my infatuation and all so now he's finally trying to move on too... i love to eat crab. Each time i go to seafood restaurant, i would choose the best crab. But such occasion is rare, unlike eat chicken rice and bak chor mee. But the staffs working at seafood restaurant, do u think they would go crazy about it?! They would be sick of it. Same thing apply - U barely had sex or meet new ppl, u find them so good. Even their fart smell nice. However, the guy u crazy at, u are just one of his sex buddy. so who can help u?! no one. Either be a whore or wait for the correct one. Move on if he has no interest of u. Delete all of his contact, block his number, delete it. Quote
fab Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 All the pains that someone has given you were created by you in your previous life. Take it as a repayment of karmic debts. Quote 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.