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Coming out as Singapore's youngest person openly living with HIV


GachiMuchi

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COMING OUT AS SINGAPORE’S YOUNGEST PERSON OPENLY LIVING WITH HIV

 

Calvin_Tan_Selfie.jpeg?resize=384%2C512&

Calvin Tan, 24, is Singapore’s youngest person openly living with HIV.

 

I was diagnosed with HIV when I was 19 from having unprotected sex with a HIV positive person.

He stated that he was positive in his Grindr profile but I did not ask if he was virally suppressed. I continued having sex with him because he was the easiest avenue to satisfy my skin hunger since he likes it bareback as well.

It was a deadly combination.

When my test results came back positive, I tried to act strong. I threw myself into a situation where I was not aware of all the consequences. Thanks to my actions, my life now will be forever changed. I kept thinking to myself, I am going to suffer. I am going to be rejected by everyone. I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by the reality that I am going to be a person living with HIV from here on.

Five years have passed since. I am 24 and have spent the last few years being an advocate for people like me. I also work as program coordinator for Action for Aids Singapore, planning and executing HIV prevention programmes targeted at men who have sex with men.

I am the youngest person openly living with HIV in Singapore. There are many downsides to choosing to live openly with HIV – discrimination after all is alive and well in our society, and in many other parts of the world.

But it really sucks when it comes to being intimate with other people.

Once, I disclosed my status to the person I was with right before sex.

He stopped and said: “You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex”?

I regretted not informing him earlier, but if I did so, would I even have the chance to have sex with him at all?

Why was I feeling this way? I am virally suppressed. I, of all people, wish not to harm others. But why do I experience serophobia so strongly in this community? Am I not allowed to have the sex I want?

Disclosing my status when I go on dates backfires as well.

The worst dates I had involved me wanting to be vulnerable about a personal topic with them.

After I confess my status, it always ends up being an interrogation session.

“How did you get it?” eventually leads to “I think we are better off as friends”.

Don’t they want to know who I am as a person, instead of what I have?

Disclosing to my family was a hit or miss. My mum took it poorly. Her English is poor and did not understand what HIV meant in English.

So I had to say in Mandarin: “我有艾滋病.” (I have Aids).

She panicked, thinking I was about to die.

Devastated, she looked at me and said: “You see what happened when you continued with this gay lifestyle”?

It took months to convince her that my medication works. But, she still believes that I could be “cured” if I attended faith healing classes with her.

She thought I needed “help”, when what I really needed was her support.

To be honest, when I was first diagnosed, I did not think about other people who were also feeling the grief and loneliness of being HIV positive.

But we all do. When I realised this, that was when I decided to become an advocate.

Society needs to know that living with HIV hurts, that we cry and bleed like anyone else.

Coming out as a young person living with HIV (PLHIV), I’ve become a symbol of hope, honesty, courage, but also a target for homophobia and serophobia.

And I am okay with that.

Calvin Tan

Calvin has been an HIV advocate ever since he was diagnosed with the virus during his late teens. Over the years, he has opened up to the public on the discrimination he has faced regarding his diagnosis.

 

 

 

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11 minutes ago, gc0805 said:

"You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex?"

My sentiments exactly. Even if he is virally suppressed, he should still practice safe sex. It's irresponsible to do otherwise.

 

Meanwhile, others would say to you, "You are gay, and you still want to have sex?"

They think: even if you are gay, you should get married and be celibate. It's irresponsible to do otherwise. :rolleyes:

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1 hour ago, GachiMuchi said:

Once, I disclosed my status to the person I was with right before sex.

He stopped and said: “You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex”?

 

No wonder so many people here suddenly expressing concerns about PEP and PrEP after sex nowadays. 

 

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He is still lucky as he got this at a time there is some means to keep him alive. Did he learn his lesson? When he still went ahead knowing what he knows and there was a possible cure on the side. I am glad he saved by medicine but how much admiration do I feel about it? I hope he knows how lucky he was and only time will tell. Smiling and lucky to be alive.

 

The person I know personally who was in the same situation, he was the first face of AIDS in Singapore. He learned from it did his best to bring awareness to this deadly virus till his dying day. Paddy Chew. THAT is someone maybe many here might have forgotten.

 

That was from a time there was no cure, but he waste little time regretting and instead use his limited time of his affliction and pending death by doing public talks and interviews to bring awareness to this deadly illness and about playing it safe or share his fate.

 

https://the-singapore-lgbt-encyclopaedia.wikia.org/wiki/Paddy_Chew

 

Edited by upshot

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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Wait wait, did I read it wrong?

 

He knowingly had bareback sex with a HIV+ person, got infected (no surprise there), but still wants to have bareback sex with HIV- people, laments serophobia when rejected?!

 

Then he said  "I’ve become a symbol of hope, honesty, courage, but also a target for homophobia and serophobia."

 

Hmmmm ok ....

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To each his own.

 

Personally I am against unprotected sex. I have worked overseas in healthcare with HIV/AIDS patients: the positive status is an issue to majority of those who are infected, and those in close contact/relationships. Cost of medication can be an unnecessary burden.

 

I do not mean to discriminate positive ppl. But everyone deserves the fullest information before they become positive, not just after.

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I'm dissapointed with the guy who was HIV positive and had bare sex with a young 19 yo. 

At that age, you are young and naive and impressionable.

 

 Fast forward to today and he is showing a lot of courage to put himself into the spotlight.

Hopefully, he can teach young 19 yo to be much more careful by telling them his story.

 

 No-one  is perfect and no one makes the correct decisions every single time.

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It is unfortunate as an young adult living with HIV but it's not a death sentence as medication has advanced so much and getting better.

Hope through Programme & Education, we can reduce the infection rate & accept people with HIV into the society.

We all have a death sentence at the end don't we, but a "death sentence" or public discrimination by an advanced society toward people with any disease / illness is so sad. 

 

I admire Calvin Tan for his current work rather than feel sad & sorry for him.  Keep up the work 👍.

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Guest how to pity him?

i saw him on TV recently but after reading his "story", cant pity him at all:

 

1) he got it thru a positive guy but thing is, the positive guy already declared he is positive, so the choice is his own. and worst, he did it with the positive guy repeatedly unprotected, despite knowing his status.

 

2) Seriously???

" But it really sucks when it comes to being intimate with other people.

Once, I disclosed my status to the person I was with right before sex.

He stopped and said: “You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex”?

I regretted not informing him earlier, but if I did so, would I even have the chance to have sex with him at all? "

NO OFFENCE BUT HOW IS HE EVEN AN ADVOCATE? :yuk:

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People need to be responsible with their behavior ... and take precautions if possible.

know the risks involved with the options they choose.

 

not disclosing their state or lie to the other party is unfair and dishonest.

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14 hours ago, StockBottom said:

Wait wait, did I read it wrong?

 

He knowingly had bareback sex with a HIV+ person, got infected (no surprise there), but still wants to have bareback sex with HIV- people, laments serophobia when rejected?!

 

Then he said  "I’ve become a symbol of hope, honesty, courage, but also a target for homophobia and serophobia."

 

Hmmmm ok ....

 Same thoughts. He doesn't advocate safe sex and seems like a bug chaser himself. Obviously he still enjoy bareback sex but refuse to acknowledge that it's dangerous.

 

He is not a symbol of any hope or courage - he is a fine example what everyone should not follow.

 

Have knowledge, protect yourself and don't make the same mistake again. Taking a med for LIFE is no fun and u do not know the impact it has on your kidneys and Liver that's why taking Prep or PEP its not all fun and joy.

 

Best sex is one that is trusted.

 

Test with your partner together, know each other's life style and risk level, have fun.

 

If having 1 partner is not enough and one prefer to change partner often then condoms becomes a necessity becos PreP does not protect u for other STDs. 

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  • G_M changed the title to Coming out as Singapore's youngest person openly living with HIV
3 hours ago, wilfgene said:

A person well aware of being positive and still engages in unprotected sex?

You are not contemplating charity sex, are you?

Nope. Sad for him to go through all these because of a misplaced chess piece. 

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I have never been so confused about an article before.

 

This Calvin dude is either ridiculously stupid or he actually wanted HIV.

He had unprotected sex with a HIV positive person repeatedly but then acted all surprised and upset when he got infected?

His nonsense about 'not asking whether the other party is virally supressed' is pure bullshit. 5 years ago, HIV awareness wasn't as high as it is now how the hell would he know about viral load as a 19 year old?

He obviously wanted to get HIV cos he was self-destructive or he wanted to feel like a hero.

 

Now he still brands himself as a HIV advocate and thinks he is some role model when he is trying to have raw sex with random guys WHILE working for AFA which keeps on preaching safe sex and safe sex practices??

 

Isn't that just plain hypocritical?

Even if he has zero chance of infecting the other party, he should still promote safe sex considering his work with AFA. 

But right now, seems like he is promoting reckless irresponsible sex.

 

This website also damn weird, how can the writer possibly write this story and find nothing wrong with it?

 

This Calvin just seems like a very problematic bug chasing attention seeker.

There is nothing heroic about his story, just plain stupidity and irresponsibility.

 

 

 

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Aiyo....wants to have sex but don't want to tell pple he kena HIV...

Cheebye.

 

You see lah..with pple like him aound, how can you kum Lan pan and drink the man's sperm?

 

Also how to open backside wide wide and let man Kan karchng?

 

 

 

 

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13 hours ago, Guest OMG said:

Aiyo....wants to have sex but don't want to tell pple he kena HIV...

Cheebye.

 

You see lah..with pple like him aound, how can you kum Lan pan and drink the man's sperm?

 

Also how to open backside wide wide and let man Kan karchng?

 

 

 

 


And ironic thing is he is an advocate. Advocate for what??

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18 hours ago, Gayleo said:

I HIV awareness wasn't as high as it is now how the hell would he know about viral load as a 19 year old?

He obviously wanted to get HIV cos he was self-destructive or he wanted to feel like a hero.

 

I can understand people at his age of 19.  I was more curious about sex than awareness about HIV during my teen years.  Luckily, unlike him, I managed to curb and watch the development in the gay world. Decades later, I am still guarding my virgin like gold until there is a clear vaccine against HIV.

 

I believe, this dude is trying to advocate the safety of having sex with HIV person and don't depriv them the joy of pleasure again. 

Edited by Why?
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1 hour ago, Why? said:

 

I can understand people at his age of 19.  I was more curious about sex than awareness about HIV during my teen years.  Luckily, unlike him, I managed to curb and watch the development in the gay world. Decades later, I am still guarding my virgin like gold until there is a clear vaccine against HIV.

 

I believe, this dude is trying to advocate the safety of having sex with HIV person and don't depriv them the joy of pleasure again. 

 

This dude is 24 now and representing AFA in that article.

He did not just say those comments in passing during a drunk night out at Tantric.

 

He said it to a journalist on a gay website that published his story on WORLD AIDS DAY.

He has shown blatant disregard for the safe sex practices preached by AFA but still fancies himself to be some kind of hero just because he was a brainless idiot at 19. There is nothing heroic about having unprotected sex with a HIV+ positive person multiple times.

He was obviously asking for it. I know people like him, who want to have some illness so they can feel special.

 

You really think this type of person should be glorified and celebrated in our community?

 

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I hope the main message advocated is how to prevent transmission of HIV in the first place. 

 

The responsibility to spread correct message is important. WHO has said:

Key populations include people who use drugs, men who have sex with men, sex workers, transgender people and people in prisons that are disproportionately affected by HIV. 

 

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1 hour ago, Gayleo said:

 

This dude is 24 now and representing AFA in that article.

He did not just say those comments in passing during a drunk night out at Tantric.

 

He said it to a journalist on a gay website that published his story on WORLD AIDS DAY.

He has shown blatant disregard for the safe sex practices preached by AFA but still fancies himself to be some kind of hero just because he was a brainless idiot at 19. There is nothing heroic about having unprotected sex with a HIV+ positive person multiple times.

He was obviously asking for it. I know people like him, who want to have some illness so they can feel special.

 

You really think this type of person should be glorified and celebrated in our community?

 

Tantric is closed for the moment.  Where have you been?

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1 hour ago, Gayleo said:

 

This dude is 24 now and representing AFA in that article.

He did not just say those comments in passing during a drunk night out at Tantric.

 

He said it to a journalist on a gay website that published his story on WORLD AIDS DAY.

He has shown blatant disregard for the safe sex practices preached by AFA but still fancies himself to be some kind of hero just because he was a brainless idiot at 19. There is nothing heroic about having unprotected sex with a HIV+ positive person multiple times.

He was obviously asking for it. I know people like him, who want to have some illness so they can feel special.

 

You really think this type of person should be glorified and celebrated in our community?

 

 

Totally agree with you...seems like a sabotage having this story out. And it paints a desperate & dumb picture of our gay youths...desperate for pleasure and too stupid to do research and get protected with Condoms or with Prep. Tragic....

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Just now, Guest Guest said:

He's basically .... 

 

Attention Seeker GIFs | Tenor

 

... and as usual, the same TS is providing him with an endless supply of all the wrong attention, just like how he did so in that thread about some guy who had some misguided notion about his "hot bod" which can contest some 20 years old. 

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"I was diagnosed with HIV when I was 19 from having unprotected sex with a HIV positive person.

He stated that he was positive in his Grindr profile but I did not ask if he was virally suppressed. I continued having sex with him because he was the easiest avenue to satisfy my skin hunger since he likes it bareback as well.

It was a deadly combination." <-- what are you expecting ? Nintendo switch with free games ?

"I regretted not informing him earlier, but if I did so, would I even have the chance to have sex with him at all?" <-- you need to inform your sexual partner BY LAW! (Infectious Diseases Act - Singapore Statutes Online (agc.gov.sg)) Informing him late is just wasting his and your time. No difference with cat-fisher Beyoncé-standard photo but when you meet them, is actually beyond hope. And IF you failed to inform or only inform after the session, you are essentially going against the organisation you are working for. 

"I decided to become an advocate." <-- please practice what you preach. ("You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex") i don't think AFA advocated bareback sex. If not, they give free condom for f**k?!?!

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I do not understand how whether or not to inform people of one's + status before exposing them to it is even a question. In any situation where you are about to do something that might cause someone harm, or have knowledge of something going on that might do so, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. In most countries, not warning someone when you have - or should have - a reasonable suspicion that they are about to get hurt is a criminal offense.

 

Imagjne this. You're at a crossing. A blind person - or even a person who is busy on their phone and not paying attention - is about to walk onto the crossing and does not see the bus coming round the corner, hurdling in his direction. Should you warn this person they're about to be run over? YES OF COURSE. Being Hiv+ and not telling someone before you have sex with them is precisely the same. If they choose to continue and expose themselves, that's on them. But telling them is not optional.

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On 12/2/2020 at 11:26 PM, StockBottom said:

Wait wait, did I read it wrong?

 

He knowingly had bareback sex with a HIV+ person, got infected (no surprise there), but still wants to have bareback sex with HIV- people, laments serophobia when rejected?!

 

Then he said  "I’ve become a symbol of hope, honesty, courage, but also a target for homophobia and serophobia."


I know, right. My thoughts exactly.

He just has a recklessness which he covers up and puts forward as a representation of the gay community.

Not everyone who is gay is promiscuous, likes bareback, or will get HIV. 

It is unfortunate what happened to him, but he cannot use himself as a martyr to represent the whole community. 

On top of being reckless, he also shows he is irresponsible and self-serving. 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Guest Meanly Preacher

Somebody in a position of authority at AFA needs to sit Calvin down for a serious conversation about how to be a responsible adult -- because right now -- he is selfish, reckless, and immature. Maybe he doesn't properly understand that his advocacy is supposed to be aimed at teaching people how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, as well as how to treat and live responsibly with such diseases if necessary. I haven't had the experience of contracting HIV, so I can't interpret the thoughts of someone like Calvin, but this article doesn't give me a good impression of him and I don't think he comprehends the correct role of an advocate in preventing the spread of HIV.

 

I also can't fathom how someone's desire to have sex without condoms is so strong that he would go bareback with an online hook-up he knows is HIV-positive, especially without inquiring whether the other guy is on medication, and to do so multiple times. Then, on top of that, he is now, five years after being diagnosed, still trying to have bareback sex with negative guys and only informing them right before sex (probably hoping they are too horny to say no -- or at the very least -- let's use condoms).

 

Calvin is, in my opinion, letting is sexual desires guides him into repeatedly making bad choices in life. I agree that people living with HIV should be able to find love and live a decent life. But that is not what Calvin is seeking. From his comments in this story, he simply wants to continue living a life of condomless sex with a multitude of men that he finds hot, and would rather there be no consequences for his behavior. I'm sorry, but becoming HIV-positive changes all of that, and he needs to start fulfilling his responsibility to help the next generation stay negative. Time for an AFA supervisor to stage an intervention with Calvin because his current attitude is harmful to himself and others.

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Having read all preceding comments, some infantile, mostly sensible, and opinions, it is safe (pun intended) and conclusive to say that this bugger is an attention seeking opportunist that needs to be called out for grandstanding and given a wide berth at all ends (pun unintended).

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33 minutes ago, taxme7 said:

Give him a bit credit for coming out publicly. It takes a lot of courage to do so.

 

BTW, what will happen to him if he stops the hiv medication? What r the signs n symptoms?

Haha why you wanna know? You suspect you kena ah?

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4 hours ago, taxme7 said:

Give him a bit credit for coming out publicly. It takes a lot of courage to do so.

 

BTW, what will happen to him if he stops the hiv medication? What r the signs n symptoms?

 

If one stops taking meds, viral loads will return. If worse, the meds he is taking may no longer be useful for his viral treatment.

Will you be my valentine's? :D

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Just a thought to consider. the stuffs he said in the article, could be what exactly occurred at that point in time. All the incorrect actions ie unprotected sex with HIV positive guy, failure to inform the other guy prior to unprotected sex, could happened before he was with AFA. But if he had realised all these wrongdoings, repented on them and turn for a better leaf, should the community not give him a chance?

 

His lifestory, could serve as a lesson to other young adolescences to not let a moment of sexual gratification affect the rest of their lives.

 

This is what i think. His past should not define his current and future. But of cuz, if he still actively does unprotected sex, then whatever i said does not hold.

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On 12/2/2020 at 7:42 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

Calvin Tan

Calvin has been an HIV advocate ever since he was diagnosed with the virus during his late teens. Over the years, he has opened up to the public on the discrimination he has faced regarding his diagnosis.

 

 

 

Well, from what has been written, it's not likely that it was before he advocates in AFA. Since he's out and open, maybe he should be given the chance to clarify what he said, and AFA should be given a chance to address the issue on:

 

- bareback sex for HIV+ persons with undetectable viral load

- HIV+ persons having non-consensual sex with others

- Calvin's actions and views as a representation of AFA's stance

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57 minutes ago, taxme7 said:

u should be the one kena 1st since u r so fond of having casual sex with strangers. 😝

Haha I clean hor anyhow say you! (Throw star tortoise empty shell at you )

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1 hour ago, qsefthu78 said:

Well, from what has been written, it's not likely that it was before he advocates in AFA. Since he's out and open, maybe he should be given the chance to clarify what he said, and AFA should be given a chance to address the issue on:

 

- bareback sex for HIV+ persons with undetectable viral load

- HIV+ persons having non-consensual sex with others

- Calvin's actions and views as a representation of AFA's stance

Yeah need to hear both parties persona before conclusion. 

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I don't understand how he can be an advocate when he still wants to have bareback sex with others despite being HIV+. Putting aside his viral load, encouraging bareback sex is simply not a safe sexual practice. Unless he was having bareback sex with a committed partner (which doesn't seem to be the case), there's simply no good reason for wanting bareback sex. The fact that he proposed bareback sex before disclosing his HIV+ status suggests that he still hasn't gotten his priorities right. The person who rejected him was absolutely right to be outraged and his response hits the nail on the head:

 

"You are positive, and you still want to have bareback sex"

 

This person is an advocate for bareback sex. He's certainly not an advocate for safe sex and therefore cannot be a good role model for HIV+ persons. Calling him a "HIV advocate" is ironic as it seems from his words and conduct that he's advocating for people to be HIV+!

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  • 1 year later...
Guest fewcents

a. Bareback sex is discouraged due to the risk of getting HIV or other STIs, however, people due to not thinking (or just plain in the heat ) would just go for it. Honesty is the best policy but in this case it's always reciprocate with disgust and ignorant. Few years ago, I remembered I had a light fun (oral) with a guy and realised that he was +ve but undetecdable, I was worried and angered for months I kept going online to check if I will get it, luckily negative. I am not defending him in not disclosing it (not to mention unsafe), but if we ask ourselves even with condom would we want to be intimate or even fuck with anyone who's positive?


b. For PLHIV who took HAART responsibly and maintain undetectable level for 6 months (durably undetecdable), the risk is negligeble even with unprotected sex, so he is speaking with that knowledge. Of course, there would be argument about "once a HIV forever a dirty dog", so I think we have to ask ourselves is it due to fact or phobia and keep ourselves educated, the best policy is protect ourselves (condom, PREP or PEP). Trust in this case would really be a risky bet, and phobia and ignorant are the worst enemies among us.

c. Again safe sex is the best sex (yes, still risk, yah), but if thinking of going in unsafe sex (judge if you want), we gotta do all we can to protect ourselves, there's no cure for HIV until now and it's being stigmatised to the fullest even within the community.

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