(Help!) Mutual masturbation and fingering - risk of std/sti

[Guest Worried]

I had a mutual masturbation session with someone I met at grindr yesterday. It was my first time and I was worried of the risk of catching any STI/STD.

 

During the session, there were no kissing, oral or anal sex. Our hands were on our penis most of the time, but there was a few but short instances of exchange of hands, which I might be exposed to his precum. Other than that, I also try to lick his nipple but only for less than 30s. He also tried to tease me and touch my anus. His hand may have precum and he may have touched the inside of my anus slightly. But it was not deep. We ejaculated on our body and we were not in contact of each other's discharge.

 

I dunno the sexual history of the person. He said that he is free from std/sti (but we cant be sure, right?). I was worried and could not sleep yesterday. Did not have a chance to see a doctor for consultation on such matter becos it is weekend. Will try to see a doctor on Monday.

 

Anyone advise on this matter? What should I do? Please help 😥😥

[Guest Worried]

Also, does anyone know of anyone or any helpline I can talk about this? How do you deal with this kind of anxiety?

[fugues]

Don't worry. Your risk of catching anything is negligible.

[Guest Worried]

On 9/4/2021 at 5:35 PM, fugues said:

Don't worry. Your risk of catching anything is negligible.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I will try to calm myself down but I dunno why I am so worried. I was so scared that I could not sleep. Maybe it was because it was my first time meeting someone I did not know and tried to have fun with someone I dunno.

 

Maybe I was also disappointed with myself. 

 

The internal battle with myself is raging on and I am trying to calm my nerves. 

[Guest DSC]

If you have been to DSC recently, they have shifted their position when it comes to precum and oral sex. There is a non-trivial HIV transmission risk from exposure to precum orally or anally, and from receptive oral sex (if you have just brushed/flossed or if there are existing cuts or ulcers). 

 

If you think you've been exposed to precum or have had cuts in your mouth, and you are still within 72h window period (after sex), you can visit DSC, get on PEP, and then get tested for HIV in 1, 3, and 6 months. 

 

I have personally gotten on PEP a few times from exposure to both cum and precum, and will say PEP is really very effective. 

 

Also, nobody uses grindr anymore! Personally I've stopped using grindr just because everyone looks sickly on the app. Specifically, I remember meeting a lot of people who look like they have facial lipodystrophy. Damn sus. 

 

If you're new to the scene, learn first to protect yourself. Don't be naive and too trusting. 

 

 

[Guest DSC]

Out of the 3 years I started being sexually active with men, I have already had 3 encounters with HIV positive guys. Not a small number. Best policy is still to get to know guys properly and establish some sorta trusting arrangements when it comes to sex. If not, you will have to prepare yourself before any engagement. I know a guy who is quite active (even goes to gay bathhouses and all), and though he uses condom all the time, he makes sure he gets on-demand PREP from DSC before any encounter. 

 

Best to err on the safe side when it comes to exploring your sexuality in the LGBT scene. 

[Guest DSC]

When it comes to anxiety, you should not ignore it just because someone tries to comfort you by saying the activity has "negligible risks".

 

Instead learn to cope with anxiety by going into a situation fully prepared. 

 

To do so, you have to know all the options available and take steps to protect yourself. 

 

Never ignore the potential consequences.

 

Simple rules are:

 

1) Get to know the person first (try to have small talk to sus out their history). 

2) Learn to pick up telling visual signs of how well the person takes care of himself. 

3) Bring your own lube and condom. Always be the one to put on condom. 

4) Be clear of what you want out of the interaction and stick to it. Don't push your limits (i.e. Do not be convinced to do drugs, or to do risky things in the heat of the moment)

5) Get on PREP and know where to get PEP - and save up for times when you might need it. 

6) LEARN TO SAY NO AND WALK AWAY IF YOUR GUTS TELL YOU SO. 

 

All the best bro

[Guest DSC]

7) Don't allow others to lube you up with their saliva.

[Guest Worried]

Thank you Guest DSC for the detailed post 😁

 

I did not engage in oral and anal sex, but there were mutual masturbation and possibly fingering. There were chances of exchange of precum during masturbation and fingering. I understand the risk is low. I have searched in many websites and went to the dsc website. Based on their QnA below, the risk of catching the std/sti from that session is low. But I am going to consult a doctor for their advice.

 

 

I agree with Guest DSC that I need to learn to cope with my anxiety and fear. But what done is done. I just hope that I did not catch anything from this incident. Will learn to be more careful next time.

 

🙏🏻🙏🏻

[FattChoy]

On 9/4/2021 at 5:35 PM, fugues said:

Don't worry. Your risk of catching anything is negligible.

Delta

[FattChoy]

On 9/4/2021 at 7:56 PM, Guest Worried said:

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I will try to calm myself down but I dunno why I am so worried. I was so scared that I could not sleep. Maybe it was because it was my first time meeting someone I did not know and tried to have fun with someone I dunno.

 

Maybe I was also disappointed with myself. 

 

The internal battle with myself is raging on and I am trying to calm my nerves. 

Sex is a normal part of an adult man's life.  In fact it's one of the highlights.  If you're an adult man, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  

 

Only losers don't have sex.

 

[Guest Worried]

On 9/5/2021 at 1:14 AM, FattChoy said:

Delta

Yes, I am also worried with this too. But both of us are vaccinated.

[shenalone]

On 9/4/2021 at 9:35 PM, Guest DSC said:

If you have been to DSC recently, they have shifted their position when it comes to precum and oral sex. There is a non-trivial HIV transmission risk from exposure to precum orally or anally, and from receptive oral sex (if you have just brushed/flossed or if there are existing cuts or ulcers). 

 

If you think you've been exposed to precum or have had cuts in your mouth, and you are still within 72h window period (after sex), you can visit DSC, get on PEP, and then get tested for HIV in 1, 3, and 6 months. 

 

I have personally gotten on PEP a few times from exposure to both cum and precum, and will say PEP is really very effective. 

 

Also, nobody uses grindr anymore! Personally I've stopped using grindr just because everyone looks sickly on the app. Specifically, I remember meeting a lot of people who look like they have facial lipodystrophy. Damn sus. 

 

If you're new to the scene, learn first to protect yourself. Don't be naive and too trusting. 

 

 

Now people use what app?

[And then]

On 9/5/2021 at 5:55 PM, shenalone said:

Now people use what app?

EC app  (embrace celibacy) 😛😛😛

[Guest Worried]

Just an update (and maybe this will be useful for someone who is going to have similar experience as me)

 

I went to consult @Dr Tfrom Pulse Clinic. He clarified that what I have done was considered safe and the risk of catching any std/sti was low. I will continue to keep a lookout for any symptoms though. I will also do a follow up in the future to make sure I am really clear with std/sti.

 

I am still anxious but I am coping with it. But thank you Dr T for his patience and being not judgemental. I am feeling better now. Hopefully, I can sleep better tonight 💪🏼💪🏼

[GachiMuchi]

On 9/4/2021 at 5:13 PM, Guest Worried said:

I had a mutual masturbation session with someone I met at grindr yesterday. It was my first time and I was worried of the risk of catching any STI/STD.

 

During the session, there were no kissing, oral or anal sex. Our hands were on our penis most of the time, but there was a few but short instances of exchange of hands, which I might be exposed to his precum. Other than that, I also try to lick his nipple but only for less than 30s. He also tried to tease me and touch my anus. His hand may have precum and he may have touched the inside of my anus slightly. But it was not deep. We ejaculated on our body and we were not in contact of each other's discharge.

 

I dunno the sexual history of the person. He said that he is free from std/sti (but we cant be sure, right?). I was worried and could not sleep yesterday. Did not have a chance to see a doctor for consultation on such matter becos it is weekend. Will try to see a doctor on Monday.

 

Anyone advise on this matter? What should I do? Please help 😥😥

If you are worried, Don't do. If you want to do, then Don't worry.

 

Things cannot be perfect. No one here can pacify your fear. Your fear is just that, YOUR FEAR!

Make a choice!

Overcome your fear or Don't have sex.

 

[Guest Worried]

On 9/7/2021 at 2:19 AM, GachiMuchi said:

If you are worried, Don't do. If you want to do, then Don't worry.

 

Things cannot be perfect. No one here can pacify your fear. Your fear is just that, YOUR FEAR!

Make a choice!

Overcome your fear or Don't have sex.

 

Thank you GachuMuchi. You have made a good point.

 

As an adult, we need to be responsible of our actions. Initially, I had the mentality of trying without realising that i will feel that way i felt now. You never try, you never know. Well, now I know and I have learnt my lesson. 

[Dr T]

On 9/7/2021 at 2:19 AM, GachiMuchi said:

If you are worried, Don't do. If you want to do, then Don't worry.

 

Things cannot be perfect. No one here can pacify your fear. Your fear is just that, YOUR FEAR!

Make a choice!

Overcome your fear or Don't have sex.

 

For some guys it may not be that straightforward. Some may have underlying anxiety or anxious type personality. They cannot help with this paranoid or over anxious feeling in them. We need to help them without any judgement or prejudice. If still feeling anxious or if it's affecting their sex life or even their daily activities, it is encouraged for them to seek professional help. Pulse Clinic Singapore will be starting our counseling services for men in our community. Can contact me if interested.

[Guest Susan]

On 9/7/2021 at 10:36 AM, Dr T said:

For some guys it may not be that straightforward. Some may have underlying anxiety or anxious type personality. They cannot help with this paranoid or over anxious feeling in them. We need to help them without any judgement or prejudice. If still feeling anxious or if it's affecting their sex life or even their daily activities, it is encouraged for them to seek professional help. Pulse Clinic Singapore will be starting our counseling services for men in our community. Can contact me if interested.

Very well said Doc.  Very humane.  

For those who treat every human, case or situation so "cut and dry" like " want to do don't scare, scare then don't do"   Talk is cheap , who don't know such book theory.  They forgot , human succumb to many emotional falls.  

For that poor worrying boy, u monitored for a few days , if this don't help, go see a doc and get yourself check , the result will peace your mind 

Based on what you describe , you are 99% safe ........ so going by this logic , u should 99% less worried and hold the 1% odd