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A struggle of a 25 year old


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Before I start to pour out my heart, I would like to caution that some of the things you are about to read might be cringe and might potentially enrage you due to the stupidity of it all, but pls understand it's not easy as not everyone's mental strength is strong and some of us are weak, hence I'm here to seek all of your advices. I am gay and im 25 years old.

 

Year 2 of Poly studies, after having a close friend of mine giving me the silent treatment for the dumbest thing. It wasn't his first time giving me the silent treatment. I automatically got pushed to this other group of friends in my class, so I started hanging out with them more often and moved on from this close friend I had. Within this group, there was this one particular guy, let's call him William. He was charming, funny, and made me laugh. Others in our group of friends were either attached or was busy with life, hence, i grew closer to William. Final year of poly, i begin to notice that William was also behaving weird, giving me the silent treatment at times. Sometimes he is ok, sometimes he doesn't speak nor acknowledge. This made me panic as if this instance happened with 2 different people, everyone would think i am the problem. So I did/tried everything to stay within the good graces of William. 

 

After graduation, came NS. Even though we were in different camps, we did not fail to communicate. We texted almost everyday and met up for dinner's. I started growing an affection for him. But, he was not the best person. He also had his flaws. He was somewhat toxic, too. Apart from not talking to me during final year of poly, he is one to always degrade me. He makes fun of me, is rude towards me, does give out an attitude (the type of attitude when 2 parties gets very close, like how siblings treat each other). However, i dismissed it as he claims "this is how close friends behave" , "we are close friends that's why can make fun" & "he wouldn't do this to normal friends". 

 

2 years of NS flew extremely quick. Then came university studies. Both of us applied the same course in NUS & went to classes, lectures together. We did have other friends with us, so it was not just the both of us. Both of us decided to stay in hall, and we did. During this hall stay, we spent literally Monday-Friday together. Study, eat, watch a show, watch anime, exercise, etc. There was a couple of instances that we were playful that we touched each other's body (nipple, belly button, thighs, back etc). This made me fall for him even more. He had a generally good body with nice chest (perky nipples, which is my fetish). During the hall stay, I found out that he was talking to this girl that he knew from poly. At that instant, i did not digest any of it and was saying how exciting it is. However, me being an overthinker, i started to think what happens if he actually gets into a relationship. He is gonna spend less time with me, he is the only one without a rs and hangs out with me, that's gonna be no more. More importantly, the girl is gonna be lucky to have sexual intimacy with him. 

 

Few weeks after finding out, i started picturing them having sexual activities together, them holding hands in public, hugging to watch a movie etc, and it killed me alive. I could not focus on my studies as i was busy stalking him on social media and whatsapp to see if he's online. I was always constantly bugging him on asking if he is going on during the weekends, and with whom just so i know if it's with the girl. However, recently i found out that he has been hanging out with her (exercising, kayaking etc). I know this from social media. 

 

To make matters (better) or worst, we had an argument over something small, and he is giving me the silent treatment ever since, talking only when necessary and we have not texted each other for 2 months. I have decided that it's time to move on from William and make a change, but the only problem i have is not being able to control myself. When i wake up, first thing i think about is him and his "possible relationship" with this other women. And secondly, i still have 1 more semester with him, on same classes and same projects, so there's no way to distance myself from him. 

 

I have seen a therapist who is assisting me in focusing on my goals, however, i wish to seek advice and some help/tips from likeminded gay men here whom might have had gone through similar experiences and possibly to find a way for me to move on in life.

 

If you have read through till here, i thank you for taking your time to read my struggles and appreciate any comment you have. 

 

Thank you,

A struggling 25 year old

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I have a somewhat similar experience as you. Many years has passed and I am still good friends with him though sometimes i wonder why did I do all the stupid things that I did.

To keep a long story short, all these negative feelings will come to pass. There will be new people to meet, new experiences to live and new relationships to form.

Keep yourself in the best condition and look forward to meeting better people that will appear in your life.

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There are actually pros and cons for you to stay connected with this one guy for so long (thru poly/ army/ uni). 

One, you grew attached to him and anything new that comes to his life (a new girl) will be seen as a threat to the friendship between the both of you.

Well, one thing we are sure is, that he is straight. So there is no point for the both of you to move anywhere further in your friendship with him. Fantasising and hoping will only hurt you more because the attention he is receiving and giving now are focus to the girl and not you. That shows how much he treasures/ or presumably by you that he did treasure the friendship between the both of you despite him being rude and giving you attitude that you deemed are part of what a close friends should behave towards each other.

As you have mentioned earlier, not all of us are having the same mental strength. And I do empathise and understand what you are going through. Nobody is perfect. I have my own ups and downs too but we learn from all these life experiences and these will makes us stronger mentally.

As much as you like him and still do think about him everyday when you wakes up, it is best to keep your mind/ thoughts and physical self away from him. Stop stalking him. 

Don't be overly obsessed and remain calm when you are having the next semester with him. Act as if nothing has happened or affected you that much. I bet the more you show your weakness to him, the more he will run away from you. So just act cool.

Good Luck!

Edited by fresh7up
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@Jorry

 

Treasure the experiences you had and will have still with your friends. 

 

At the same time, remember that life is not all about them. There's a wide new and wide world waiting for u. 

 

Also, u never know how life may bring them back to you at a later stage in your life. 

 

Meanwhile look up and step out courageously. You can do it. 

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Guest Sorry
On 7/29/2022 at 2:47 PM, Jorry said:

Before I start to pour out my heart, I would like to caution that some of the things you are about to read might be cringe and might potentially enrage you due to the stupidity of it all, but pls understand it's not easy as not everyone's mental strength is strong and some of us are weak, hence I'm here to seek all of your advices. I am gay and im 25 years old.

 

Year 2 of Poly studies, after having a close friend of mine giving me the silent treatment for the dumbest thing. It wasn't his first time giving me the silent treatment. I automatically got pushed to this other group of friends in my class, so I started hanging out with them more often and moved on from this close friend I had. Within this group, there was this one particular guy, let's call him William. He was charming, funny, and made me laugh. Others in our group of friends were either attached or was busy with life, hence, i grew closer to William. Final year of poly, i begin to notice that William was also behaving weird, giving me the silent treatment at times. Sometimes he is ok, sometimes he doesn't speak nor acknowledge. This made me panic as if this instance happened with 2 different people, everyone would think i am the problem. So I did/tried everything to stay within the good graces of William. 

 

After graduation, came NS. Even though we were in different camps, we did not fail to communicate. We texted almost everyday and met up for dinner's. I started growing an affection for him. But, he was not the best person. He also had his flaws. He was somewhat toxic, too. Apart from not talking to me during final year of poly, he is one to always degrade me. He makes fun of me, is rude towards me, does give out an attitude (the type of attitude when 2 parties gets very close, like how siblings treat each other). However, i dismissed it as he claims "this is how close friends behave" , "we are close friends that's why can make fun" & "he wouldn't do this to normal friends". 

 

2 years of NS flew extremely quick. Then came university studies. Both of us applied the same course in NUS & went to classes, lectures together. We did have other friends with us, so it was not just the both of us. Both of us decided to stay in hall, and we did. During this hall stay, we spent literally Monday-Friday together. Study, eat, watch a show, watch anime, exercise, etc. There was a couple of instances that we were playful that we touched each other's body (nipple, belly button, thighs, back etc). This made me fall for him even more. He had a generally good body with nice chest (perky nipples, which is my fetish). During the hall stay, I found out that he was talking to this girl that he knew from poly. At that instant, i did not digest any of it and was saying how exciting it is. However, me being an overthinker, i started to think what happens if he actually gets into a relationship. He is gonna spend less time with me, he is the only one without a rs and hangs out with me, that's gonna be no more. More importantly, the girl is gonna be lucky to have sexual intimacy with him. 

 

Few weeks after finding out, i started picturing them having sexual activities together, them holding hands in public, hugging to watch a movie etc, and it killed me alive. I could not focus on my studies as i was busy stalking him on social media and whatsapp to see if he's online. I was always constantly bugging him on asking if he is going on during the weekends, and with whom just so i know if it's with the girl. However, recently i found out that he has been hanging out with her (exercising, kayaking etc). I know this from social media. 

 

To make matters (better) or worst, we had an argument over something small, and he is giving me the silent treatment ever since, talking only when necessary and we have not texted each other for 2 months. I have decided that it's time to move on from William and make a change, but the only problem i have is not being able to control myself. When i wake up, first thing i think about is him and his "possible relationship" with this other women. And secondly, i still have 1 more semester with him, on same classes and same projects, so there's no way to distance myself from him. 

 

I have seen a therapist who is assisting me in focusing on my goals, however, i wish to seek advice and some help/tips from likeminded gay men here whom might have had gone through similar experiences and possibly to find a way for me to move on in life.

 

If you have read through till here, i thank you for taking your time to read my struggles and appreciate any comment you have. 

 

Thank you,

A struggling 25 year old


sorry to hear you are going through this.

 

a few thoughts:

 

- this type of situation is quite common but that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts

 - we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves

 - labeling people (including yourself) as toxic is not helpful or accurate. We are all capable of acting toxically but that doesn’t make us toxic

 - you have invested in these friendship groups but this might now be the time for your to branch out and explore making friends with people who are gay. Doesn’t have to be about dating but could be helpful to have friends in real life who understand better what it means to grow up knowing you are ‘different’

 - great that you have a therapist but I hope they also help you to see a future where handling this kind of situation might not need therapy and that they equip you with skills to help you get through 

 - finally, it’s a cliche but it does get better

 

 

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Guest Guest

I had a similar problem in uni. Basically, I liked a straight guy and I thought that if I spent more time with him and treated him well, he would develop feelings for me and like me back.

He had a gf back then, whom I hated out of jealousy. Like you, I used to imagine them being married one day and enjoying intimacy, and that thought really made me mad.

 

One time, she showed up in school to meet him, and when I saw her walking towards him and him smiling back at her, I had murderous thoughts towards her, I kid you not.

 

At that time, that guy filled my mind throughout my waking hours, and I did not think that I would ever be over him.

 

Long story short, I deliberately stopped contacting him once we graduated, and sure enough, I was able to move on and forget him. Almost 20 have passed since then, and thinking back now, I can't help but laugh at my own foolishness.

 

Anyway, my advice is for you to keep a distance from him, as much as you can. That means do not seek out his company outside of school hours.

Of course, still be polite and respectful when you need to communicate with him over school work, but don't be overly intimate with him, or seek to be alone with him in school unnecessarily.

 

It may be painful now, but it will be better in the long run. And once you finish school, do not contact him again.

 

It's obvious he is a straight guy, and pursuing him will only cause you to be hurt. This is our (gay guys) lot in life; we got the shorter end of the stick when we were born.

 

It will get better once you don't see him anymore after graduation. Believe me, once you start working, you won't have time to think about him anymore.

 

And maybe, 15 years later, when you bump into him, you'll be shocked to see him with a beer belly, balding head, missing teeth, and with two noisy kids beside him, and then you'll wonder what it was that attracted you to him in the first place. 😁

 

In the meantime, make time for yourself, explore hobbies, and meet other friends. Don't let this one guy be your whole world. It's not worth it, no matter how hot he is.

 

Take care, and all the best for your studies!

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On 7/29/2022 at 9:50 PM, Guest Guest said:

Long story short, I deliberately stopped contacting him once we graduated, and sure enough, I was able to move on and forget him. Almost 20 have passed since then, and thinking back now, I can't help but laugh at my own foolishness.

 

Sorry, I meant to say, "Almost 20 years have passed since then..."

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有些事你现在不必问

有些人你永远不必等

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Like many had mentioned, I think it’s pretty common that most gay guys will experienced through, which is falling for a straight guy at a young age.


What make it worse was, it’s usually the first love which impact your memory and create lots of questions/curiosity/“what-if” and most of it will be left unanswered. 


Like some had suggested, this William guy you had fall for is a straight guy and that’s the fact that almost will never change. It will be an endless loop for you to keep dwelling onto it if you don’t seek alternative exit option.

 

i personally can understand, that your this friend had been “stolen” by another girl and most of your bromance or your one sided romance attention has been breach. It does sound like a old movie “eternal summer ” (can watch it if you need to experience what the cast leads is experiencing).
 

Sad to say, this is part of his life journey and also yours. You need to courage through your current situation  and seek more alternative focus to shift your attention elsewhere. 
 

TL:DR most gay guy had experienced the same journey you are undergoing.

My suggestion is to look for more activities. Make more friends. And for this William, just be a neutral friends of him and casually concern on how is he and his gf etc.

yes it’s tough, but for a long run it’s healthier for your mental capacity.

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Guest Sarah
On 7/30/2022 at 12:17 AM, fab said:

有些事你现在不必问

有些人你永远不必等

淑樺姐,好久不見。

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Guest Susan
On 7/29/2022 at 2:47 PM, Jorry said:

Before I start to pour out my heart, I would like to caution that some of the things you are about to read might be cringe and might potentially enrage you due to the stupidity of it all, but pls understand it's not easy as not everyone's mental strength is strong and some of us are weak, hence I'm here to seek all of your advices. I am gay and im 25 years old.

 

Year 2 of Poly studies, after having a close friend of mine giving me the silent treatment for the dumbest thing. It wasn't his first time giving me the silent treatment. I automatically got pushed to this other group of friends in my class, so I started hanging out with them more often and moved on from this close friend I had. Within this group, there was this one particular guy, let's call him William. He was charming, funny, and made me laugh. Others in our group of friends were either attached or was busy with life, hence, i grew closer to William. Final year of poly, i begin to notice that William was also behaving weird, giving me the silent treatment at times. Sometimes he is ok, sometimes he doesn't speak nor acknowledge. This made me panic as if this instance happened with 2 different people, everyone would think i am the problem. So I did/tried everything to stay within the good graces of William. 

 

After graduation, came NS. Even though we were in different camps, we did not fail to communicate. We texted almost everyday and met up for dinner's. I started growing an affection for him. But, he was not the best person. He also had his flaws. He was somewhat toxic, too. Apart from not talking to me during final year of poly, he is one to always degrade me. He makes fun of me, is rude towards me, does give out an attitude (the type of attitude when 2 parties gets very close, like how siblings treat each other). However, i dismissed it as he claims "this is how close friends behave" , "we are close friends that's why can make fun" & "he wouldn't do this to normal friends". 

 

2 years of NS flew extremely quick. Then came university studies. Both of us applied the same course in NUS & went to classes, lectures together. We did have other friends with us, so it was not just the both of us. Both of us decided to stay in hall, and we did. During this hall stay, we spent literally Monday-Friday together. Study, eat, watch a show, watch anime, exercise, etc. There was a couple of instances that we were playful that we touched each other's body (nipple, belly button, thighs, back etc). This made me fall for him even more. He had a generally good body with nice chest (perky nipples, which is my fetish). During the hall stay, I found out that he was talking to this girl that he knew from poly. At that instant, i did not digest any of it and was saying how exciting it is. However, me being an overthinker, i started to think what happens if he actually gets into a relationship. He is gonna spend less time with me, he is the only one without a rs and hangs out with me, that's gonna be no more. More importantly, the girl is gonna be lucky to have sexual intimacy with him. 

 

Few weeks after finding out, i started picturing them having sexual activities together, them holding hands in public, hugging to watch a movie etc, and it killed me alive. I could not focus on my studies as i was busy stalking him on social media and whatsapp to see if he's online. I was always constantly bugging him on asking if he is going on during the weekends, and with whom just so i know if it's with the girl. However, recently i found out that he has been hanging out with her (exercising, kayaking etc). I know this from social media. 

 

To make matters (better) or worst, we had an argument over something small, and he is giving me the silent treatment ever since, talking only when necessary and we have not texted each other for 2 months. I have decided that it's time to move on from William and make a change, but the only problem i have is not being able to control myself. When i wake up, first thing i think about is him and his "possible relationship" with this other women. And secondly, i still have 1 more semester with him, on same classes and same projects, so there's no way to distance myself from him. 

 

I have seen a therapist who is assisting me in focusing on my goals, however, i wish to seek advice and some help/tips from likeminded gay men here whom might have had gone through similar experiences and possibly to find a way for me to move on in life.

 

If you have read through till here, i thank you for taking your time to read my struggles and appreciate any comment you have. 

 

Thank you,

A struggling 25 year old

Poor thing Ms Bradshaw ! 

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I have gone through this great heart pain as well but i would say its the love for guys and not straight guys to be exact. During younger times i dont even know the meaning of gay and was hopelessly lost in love for guys that is handsome, fit and those guys that treat me very well fell like being greatly loved. But when they found a partner of their life than it really is time to let go or else will suffer pain that will destroy your life.

If i had know what is the meaning of being gay in younger life than i would have utilize more time to find other gay friends instead of concentrating all of our hope and love to a straight guy.

If you still had any feelings and still want the friendship from your straight friend than just let him win if you got any arguement with him. Just be contended with what you have and you can still touch or hug him or else be prepared to lose everything.

Make more gay friends is always the key to heal such pain

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On 7/30/2022 at 9:34 AM, Guest Susan said:

Poor thing Ms Bradshaw ! 

 

Carrie? 

 

She is more than 25 x 2.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Dear Jorry,

 

Many stories have been written and many movies made on the forbidden love one has for the wrong person. Judging from the posts here, you are definitely not alone. 
 

I once asked someone, why is it that I can’t find my soulmate? Knowing I am gay, she told me something that I would never hear from others. She said that it’s only because I haven’t learnt to love myself.

 

These are some practical steps u can take to reclaim yourself, after having lost yourself in a relationship that is only one-sided. 
 

1. Forgive yourself and accept that you have fallen for someone who is never going to reciprocate your affections. Do not kick yourself as this will be double whammy for you. You are already hurting. Why hurt yourself further? Be at peace with yourself.

 

2. Find someone to talk to. Talking to therapist helps but having the support of a friend you can trust is invaluable. Someone who can give a listening ear without being judgemental. 

 

3. Write a note to the 30 or 50 year old you. Then have the future you write a note back to you. 
 

4. Just breathe. Slowly.

 

There are many more ways to help you. Do come back and share with us what works for you. It’s not going to go away overnight but it will surely be over one day. Just be kind to yourself. 

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On 7/29/2022 at 2:47 PM, Jorry said:

Before I start to pour out my heart, I would like to caution that some of the things you are about to read might be cringe and might potentially enrage you due to the stupidity of it all, but pls understand it's not easy as not everyone's mental strength is strong and some of us are weak, hence I'm here to seek all of your advices. I am gay and im 25 years old.

 

Year 2 of Poly studies, after having a close friend of mine giving me the silent treatment for the dumbest thing. It wasn't his first time giving me the silent treatment. I automatically got pushed to this other group of friends in my class, so I started hanging out with them more often and moved on from this close friend I had. Within this group, there was this one particular guy, let's call him William. He was charming, funny, and made me laugh. Others in our group of friends were either attached or was busy with life, hence, i grew closer to William. Final year of poly, i begin to notice that William was also behaving weird, giving me the silent treatment at times. Sometimes he is ok, sometimes he doesn't speak nor acknowledge. This made me panic as if this instance happened with 2 different people, everyone would think i am the problem. So I did/tried everything to stay within the good graces of William. 

 

After graduation, came NS. Even though we were in different camps, we did not fail to communicate. We texted almost everyday and met up for dinner's. I started growing an affection for him. But, he was not the best person. He also had his flaws. He was somewhat toxic, too. Apart from not talking to me during final year of poly, he is one to always degrade me. He makes fun of me, is rude towards me, does give out an attitude (the type of attitude when 2 parties gets very close, like how siblings treat each other). However, i dismissed it as he claims "this is how close friends behave" , "we are close friends that's why can make fun" & "he wouldn't do this to normal friends". 

 

2 years of NS flew extremely quick. Then came university studies. Both of us applied the same course in NUS & went to classes, lectures together. We did have other friends with us, so it was not just the both of us. Both of us decided to stay in hall, and we did. During this hall stay, we spent literally Monday-Friday together. Study, eat, watch a show, watch anime, exercise, etc. There was a couple of instances that we were playful that we touched each other's body (nipple, belly button, thighs, back etc). This made me fall for him even more. He had a generally good body with nice chest (perky nipples, which is my fetish). During the hall stay, I found out that he was talking to this girl that he knew from poly. At that instant, i did not digest any of it and was saying how exciting it is. However, me being an overthinker, i started to think what happens if he actually gets into a relationship. He is gonna spend less time with me, he is the only one without a rs and hangs out with me, that's gonna be no more. More importantly, the girl is gonna be lucky to have sexual intimacy with him. 

 

Few weeks after finding out, i started picturing them having sexual activities together, them holding hands in public, hugging to watch a movie etc, and it killed me alive. I could not focus on my studies as i was busy stalking him on social media and whatsapp to see if he's online. I was always constantly bugging him on asking if he is going on during the weekends, and with whom just so i know if it's with the girl. However, recently i found out that he has been hanging out with her (exercising, kayaking etc). I know this from social media. 

 

To make matters (better) or worst, we had an argument over something small, and he is giving me the silent treatment ever since, talking only when necessary and we have not texted each other for 2 months. I have decided that it's time to move on from William and make a change, but the only problem i have is not being able to control myself. When i wake up, first thing i think about is him and his "possible relationship" with this other women. And secondly, i still have 1 more semester with him, on same classes and same projects, so there's no way to distance myself from him. 

 

I have seen a therapist who is assisting me in focusing on my goals, however, i wish to seek advice and some help/tips from likeminded gay men here whom might have had gone through similar experiences and possibly to find a way for me to move on in life.

 

If you have read through till here, i thank you for taking your time to read my struggles and appreciate any comment you have. 

 

Thank you,

A struggling 25 year old

Sorry to hear about your struggle.

 

But you're not alone. I believe many in this community, including myself (or even for straights) have experienced this "one-sided" emotional attachment to someone before.

 

Like all the advice given do let this straight friend go.

 

Painful as it is he could only be a friend at most and never a potential candidate for anything more than just a friend.

 

Once you let him go you'll experience a new and liberating "freedom" when you can enjoy life with eyes wide open to many good candidates available in this circle for friendships or relationships.

 

I wish you a determined and successful pursuit of more meaningful friendships and happiness. 

Edited by Yuquidam2022
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Things to accept:

- He's straight, he's never going to like you the way you want him to.

 

Things to be thankful for:

- For now, he's still a friend.

 

Things to decide:

- Do you still want him as a friend, a good friend?

- Do you know how "platonic" good friends behave?

- Do you know how platonic good friends behave, when one party is attached?

 

Things to do:

- Behave the way platonic good friends would when one party is attached. Give the guy the space. Support his new relationship. Even getting to know and make friend with his now-better half. Nothing more.

- Moderate your expectations to accept that that's the only way to even continue this friendship,

 

Things not to do:

- Trying to play mind games, overt or subtle guilt-tripping, etc. hoping that he'd treasure you more.

- Be omnipresent in his life. Step back and be the supportive bro that's got his back.

 

Things to consider:

- Get away, explore the world, reset your universe so that it doesn't center around him.

- Make new friends from within the circle/realm of possibilities.

 

Things to expect:

- Yes the struggles are real and it will take some time to get better.

- It will get better only if you're ready to accept and live on, and not on changing the tide.

 

Take care and all the best!

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What I'm about to say will be cliche but what I found immensely helpful.

 

Whenever we are feeling caught up with a situation that makes us grieve or feeling "boxed in", there are usually other things in life, other experiences and emotions we can think "outside of the box" about.

 

Life has a lot to offer. Person A makes u feel a certain way, acknowledge it and accept it, but there are many other equally important if not more important life developments to experience and apply our hearts and minds to. Expand your capacity, come back to him once a while if your heart feels so, but expand your heart nevertheless, step out for fresh air once and have the limitless sky attitude once in a while, don't focus on one dark cloud.

 

(Oh and I can't resist telling you, 25 is a great age.  So much so it's not uncommon to hear ppl feels forever 25. Stay young at heart ok? Jadedness is for angsty teens, maturity will bring you less inward tension and some kind of relaxed youthful joy eventually instead.)

 

Edited by PlayersGroup
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Guest Try and see
On 7/30/2022 at 5:48 PM, PlayersGroup said:

(Oh and I can't resist telling you, 25 is a great age.  So much so it's not uncommon to hear ppl feels forever 25. Stay young at heart ok? Jadedness is for angsty teens, maturity will bring you less inward tension and some kind of relaxed youthful joy eventually instead.)

 

 

Agree! 25 is a great age to be! Wish I was 25 again; I definitely would have done many things differently.

 

So don't waste your precious young adulthood obsessing and agonising over a guy who will never love you back. He's not worth your time and tears. You're only 25 once! 😄

 

Rather, focus on your studies so that you'll do very well and get a good degree. That will help your career later on. 

 

As for him, let him do what he wants with that girl. Don't ask him anymore about his relationship with her, and if you can, don't stalk them online either. Stop all personal activities and outings with him.

I'm very sure he will notice when you no longer put him on a pedestal. Because from his constant verbal abuse of you, it seems like he is very accustomed to you idolising him, and he's clearly taking advantage of your feelings for him.

So let him win when you have any disagreements.

If you do, I bet you, he will feel uneasy and lose sleep over how you no longer feel the need to argue with him.

That can be your small revenge, by messing with his mind. But you must have the resolve to do it long-term.

Don't turn soft and suddenly start being nice to him again just because you can't bear to see him feel "hurt" by your emotional distance from him.

 

Take this advice below:

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Guest Mississippi Paddlefish

Find new activities to do and concentrate on your studies. 

 

Make new friends within the AJ community and things will be better. 

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@Jorry I think great that you open up by seeking help. Very important step to helping yourself to move on.

 

Personal take, let it go and this for the sake of loving and caring for someone close to you. Love is not just about possessing what you want or desire. Letting him go to find his happiness, and for his good. 

 

It will take awhile for you to completely let go and heal. But you will feel better and in talking terms with someone u treasure in future. Isn't it better to always have more friends? 

 

Wishing you all the best and get well soon! It took me at least 6 months or more to let go my ex, who is now happily with his future wife. 😜

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There is this one guy who I really liked. But unfortunately, I'm not his type. What I realized is no matter what effort you do if the person does not like you, he will never like you. You can be friends but not lovers. So it is best to accept and move forward. 🙂

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In all honesty, many people have themselves to blame. IF that person you like is Str8 or married or attached, why did you plow your head into it? What do you think will happen? They fall in love with you?No, they don't and some don't even know you like them, because it's all one-sided affection. And if you know you are having one-sided affection with someone you can't win over, it's high time to cut your losses and leave and move on.  But then, many of these people had already invested lots of time/money/effort and ended up getting hurt or cheated or both.

So, who's to blame? You only have yourself to blame because you put yourself in that situation. Emotions get the better of many lonely people and you end up nowhere. You went in with your eyes open and knew that it was not going to bear fruit but yet you still wanted to try. I can only say, you already know the ending but your stubbornness gets the better of you and you learn a valuable lesson.

Yet some people, after learning many lessons, still insist on testing the water and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. If you make the mistakes without knowing and get hurt, it could be understood. but if one makes the same mistakes over and over again, then, you deserve it. No one will sympathise with you.

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