Do I need a fake identity to be real?

[twistoff8]

I came across some comments by someone in a chat group -"Just give him a fake name and no. He won't verify with ur IC or call ur no. Dunno how many names I’ve created across all the massage joints 😂"

 

At first, I didn't think much about the comment. But it kept resurfacing in my memories. 

 

How many times did I need to use a fictitious identity in order to be myself and enjoy the activities I like?  Why? Am I that fearful of being myself? 

 

I suppose everyone has their own reasons, and I certainly did not like my emails or phone number being sold for marketing purposes, receiving scam calls, etc.

 

In the days of Magaret Thatcher and a certain Lee person, the suppression and even persecution induced such reactionary and precautionary sentiments and actions. I was lucky enough to have missed the persecution but I felt the societal small-mindedness and the insane blaming/shaming - "you must feel the pain I felt before".

 

But even then, education gave me enough tools to understand why and how I should not turn from victim to perpetrator, and Internet gave me the chance to understand things greater than myself.

 

I'm not trying to measure another person's action or disposition. Rather, I am trying to understand how I became who I am. 

 

I looked up my passwords and login IDs database. I was surprised how many different identities I needed in the different compartments of my life which I meticulously separate and walled up. It felt as though if 2 compartments ever meet or merge, it would be nothing short of a nuclear reaction.

 

Perhaps I got old, perhaps I got jaded, perhaps I became lazy, or perhaps such walls of separation became less important to me, or perhaps my need to understand where I came from and where I am heading means weighing options and focus on what is important. 

[Steve5380]

I understand what you mean and I have some similarities. 

 

It makes sense to have different names (aliases) and passwords in our cyber life,  it prevents that in case of one security breach our whole estate is wiped out.   But what I don't like is a need for anonymity to protect our sexual orientation and choices.  Why cannot you know me for my real identity instead of some "Steve"?   Besides being gay  I have nothing to hide,  and in today's world this is less and less relevant.   At this point in life,  now as a senior,  I have lost any fear from being identified.  Very few people I care if they know more about me.  And... in reality...  being gay is not a crime, it does not denigrate,  although not everyone thinks this way. 

 

But I am confident that for the rest of my life I don't need to change my anonymity where it exists now. I also recognize that we can be ourselves, confident of who and what we are,  and still have some "fake identity" here and there. And I have no fear that my anonymity gets breached, I won't be burned as a "sinner"  😄

.

Edited June 9 by Steve5380

[Why?]

12 hours ago, twistoff8 said:

How many times did I need to use a fictitious identity in order to be myself and enjoy the activities I like?  Why? Am I that fearful of being myself? 

 

I looked up my passwords and login IDs database. I was surprised how many different identities I needed in the different compartments of my life which I meticulously separate and walled up. 

Very much like a lonesome woman using a dozen different credit cards, to pay for all the clothes she didn't need because she thought it conceals her flaws to attract other admirers.   I cannot live a life like this.  I just can't. 

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Why? said:

Very much like a lonesome woman using a dozen different credit cards, to pay for all the clothes she didn't need because she thought it conceals her flaws to attract other admirers.   I cannot live a life like this.  I just can't. 

 

You mean you cannot live a life...  trying to conceal your flaws to attract other admirers?   I agree with you!  It is better to try to eliminate the flaws rather than conceal them.

[twistoff8]

I think I just got too old and lazy to be bothered "Keeping Up Appearances" like Mrs Bucket. My walls crumpled long time ago and I am happy being myself, with myself. I took some definitive action to remove certain people from my life, and I haven't regret it.

 

I am gutter folk, throwing shit at me just makes me giggle like 13yo school girl, so no, I no longer give a fxxk about who did not see my dick on Internet. 

 

Someone tried to blackmail me using the webcam routine. I sent him/her/them the links of my vids I found on less reputable website. I told them - too late, I'm already featured.

 

I'm just enjoying my ill-repute.

[doncoin]

 

[Why?]

11 hours ago, twistoff8 said:

Someone tried to blackmail me using the webcam routine. I sent him/her/them the links of my vids I found on less reputable website. I told them - too late, I'm already featured.  I'm just enjoying my ill-repute.

Fantastic!....but it is not too late, you still need a little help here,  to have your vids fully featured on well-known and reputable websites.  

[twistoff8]

Well if they willing to help me advertise without getting paid, CPF, health insurance, bonus (AWS), medical reimbursement nor travel and food stipend, compensated and compassionate leave, please by all means drop my name or vids wherever they wish.

 

Ps: I was told my vid got banned on certain website. I think that should give you some clues....

[singalion]

On 6/10/2025 at 6:10 AM, twistoff8 said:

I came across some comments by someone in a chat group -"Just give him a fake name and no. He won't verify with ur IC or call ur no. Dunno how many names I’ve created across all the massage joints 😂"

 

At first, I didn't think much about the comment. But it kept resurfacing in my memories. 

 

How many times did I need to use a fictitious identity in order to be myself and enjoy the activities I like?  Why? Am I that fearful of being myself? 

 

I suppose everyone has their own reasons, and I certainly did not like my emails or phone number being sold for marketing purposes, receiving scam calls, etc.

 

In the days of Magaret Thatcher and a certain Lee person, the suppression and even persecution induced such reactionary and precautionary sentiments and actions. I was lucky enough to have missed the persecution but I felt the societal small-mindedness and the insane blaming/shaming - "you must feel the pain I felt before".

 

But even then, education gave me enough tools to understand why and how I should not turn from victim to perpetrator, and Internet gave me the chance to understand things greater than myself.

 

I'm not trying to measure another person's action or disposition. Rather, I am trying to understand how I became who I am. 

 

I looked up my passwords and login IDs database. I was surprised how many different identities I needed in the different compartments of my life which I meticulously separate and walled up. It felt as though if 2 compartments ever meet or merge, it would be nothing short of a nuclear reaction.

 

Perhaps I got old, perhaps I got jaded, perhaps I became lazy, or perhaps such walls of separation became less important to me, or perhaps my need to understand where I came from and where I am heading means weighing options and focus on what is important. 

 

Not sure what the topic is meant to be about?

 

Is it that gay men often need to disguise themselves under an identity they aren't truly? Because of societal backlash outing to be gay? 

 

Or is it supposed to be a discussion that we create something like avatars but don't tell others who we truly are, real names etc? 

 

 

[twistoff8]

Erm. I can only say that you can interpret it in whichever way you perceive it. 

[IcarusCQC]

Non-government purpose, use an alias.

Non tracking purpose, use an alias.

Stranger with unwanted interactions, use an alias.

Stranger you don't trust, us an alias.

Anonymous online activities, use an alias.

Curse the government, use an alias.

Massage parlor, use an alias.

Go police station, you got it, don't use an alias.

[radiusulnar]

We all have different personas for different occasions

The introvert submissive at work because you know you can be replaced in a heartbeat

The extrovert dominant at home because you are the bread winner

The friendly neighbour along the corridor

The unfriendly stranger on the train

Perhaps the only time when we are ourselves is when we are by ourselves 

[Steve5380]

12 minutes ago, radiusulnar said:

We all have different personas for different occasions

The introvert submissive at work because you know you can be replaced in a heartbeat

The extrovert dominant at home because you are the bread winner

The friendly neighbour along the corridor

The unfriendly stranger on the train

Perhaps the only time when we are ourselves is when we are by ourselves 

 

And even when we are by ourselves we often are not ourselves.  Instead, we are THE IMAGE we have formed of ourselves.   This is why it is convenient to live a long life, because it is in the last period, as seniors, when we do more introspection and we discover more about us,  hopefully more good traits than bad ones. 

[Why?]

 

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

in the last period, as seniors, we discover more about us.

You mean that throughout the last few decades of your life, you have been lost? Even though I was terrified, by the time I was 13, I already understood what my life would be like and had grown more prepared. 

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, Why? said:

 

You mean that throughout the last few decades of your life, you have been lost? Even though I was terrified, by the time I was 13, I already understood what my life would be like and had grown more prepared. 

 

You must be quite extraordinary if at the age of 13 you already knew what your life would be.  I am more normal, I keep learning throughout life.

[Why?]

13 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You must be quite extraordinary if at the age of 13 you already knew what your life would be. 

It is called basic instinct.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Why? said:

It is called basic instinct.

 

Yes, if we are fortunate we can have a "basic instinct" which can be a vocation.  Then we know what we want to be professionally, and this becomes big part of our life.   But it is not all.  We should keep learning all our life,  and with this learning applied to ourselves we discover more what our feelings are, what our moral principles are, and ultimately, what we are as humans in the realm of the animal kingdom.  That is, more knowledge comes with more experience.

[Why?]

7 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

We should keep learning all our life,  and with this learning applied to ourselves we discover more what our feelings are, , and ultimately, what we are as humans in the realm of the animal kingdom.  That is, more knowledge comes with more experience.

We are aware that in your long-forgotten past comments, you consistently stated that you discovered you were gay only in your later years, most likely in your 50s, and then went wild for being late in the game.  You're learning to fully understand what it means to be gay within the 50 years of your life?   This is quite extra-ordinary.  Sadly, you, you might not be the isolated case we have heard before.

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Why? said:

We are aware that in your long-forgotten past comments, you consistently stated that you discovered you were gay only in your later years, most likely in your 50s, and then went wild for being late in the game.  You're learning to fully understand what it means to be gay within the 50 years of your life?   This is quite extra-ordinary.  Sadly, you, you might not be the isolated case we have heard before.

 

Me an "isolated case"?   I have never been an isolated case.  I am a common individual like millions in this world,  nothing special, simply insignificant.  

 

I felt attraction to males in my adolescence, like most of us.  But sex was never a big thing in my life, and for a long time I was insecure about it.  Was this a waste?  No.  I still was able to be 50% responsible for the appearance of a son, which so far has resulted in four more little creatures  ( my grandchildren ).  So,  I fulfilled what nature had expected from me.  

 

Yes, I was late in the game, but never "went wild".  I discovered my orientation much earlier than in the 50s, but I am disciplined. Only after my divorce I joined the gay scene, and after coming together with my lifelong boyfriend I found the best way to open sex by including it in my tourism, a sex tourism to the places where I found those who most attract me,  the Asians. 

[twistoff8]

I know I'm not an administrator. Since I started this topic I feel somewhat responsible. If you need to get a room to sort out your affairs, pls do that. Exchange of opinions need not focus on who did what to who when. Please kindly tone down the fiery temp - it is quite unnecessary. Thank you for being understanding.