twistoff8

Hahaha they haven't, but they should start now - on walking stick for a while due to unfortunate accident with car. I'm definitely gonna enjoy my privilege...

After several disasters at relationship, I have been single for last 10years. But I am lucky to have someone whom I confide in and cherish as family. Rolling into 50yo I become increasingly more aware of my own limitations and decline both physically and mentally. As my friend calls it "organ recital", I start to indulge in my physical ailments to whoever bothers to pretend to pay attention to me. I don't know, perhaps I am being self-indulgent, but each day I find that I am learning new things about myself and the world around me. Im pretty sure this has been happening since the day I was born but getting older, the impact of new knowledge seems much more significant, compared to say 10years ago. It's interesting to feel more intense about receiving new understandings about myself or outside myself. Generally they fall into the broad categories 1) old dog can't be bothered with new tricks 2) wow, how come it took me this long to learn this 3) fxxk, where have I been - when did this happened,? 4) dbl fxxk, I really need to catch up with today's people 5) triple fxxk!!!! Why can't I do this simple task anymore? Note to self - do not self-humilate by thinking I used to do this with eyes closed and try to show off! Being single means meeting people for sex. It used to be hey-sure-fuck-done-more or next guy? It was simple back then. Now it's complicated... I get new labels such as daddy, and in some cases grandpa, and the attention hurled at me feels weird. Sometimes it felt as though I was unattractive before but now at 50, I'm hot potato. Yet at times I felt like I'm expired antiquity trying to return to glory. The contrasting feelings were from comments that people make without batting their eyelids as though it's just another day in Gay Sg. It's not only confusing, its amusing to see who gave what comment at best, but usually I just roll my eyes and let myself rise above them all. Oh yeah, I'm getting pretty damn good at rolling my eyes without being detected and levitating too. Life after 40 has been quite different than I thought it would be. Here I am thinking, yeah I'm slowing down, let's do less, keep lower profile etc but no. Hell no. If my 20s n 30s have been a blur of self discovery and wanton indulgence and the elbow greases I put in to earn my living, I'd say at 50 is being challenged every other minute. It can be tiring or rewarding depending on the colour of my underwear, but it is far from slowing down. Life's little challenges seems more complicated and heavier. Being single means there is only 1 pair of hands available. Big or small, if I don't do it, nobody is doing it for my benefit. So I learned to sew. So I learned to find beauty in the most unlikely situation. So I learned to be the mother and father to myself, the maid and the social escort to myself, the breadwinner and the nurse to myself.... You Gen Z non-binaroids with pronouns - I challenge you to find a pronoun that encompass all the roles I have to be for myself on daily basis. Meanwhile, I have to start setting boundaries on people - your text message will be read at my next convenience, the reply may not come at a timely fashion and sometimes not what you want to hear. Text at your own risk. So yeah. Life at 50. Mid life crisis? I where got time...? maybe next week I'll schedule in an opportunity to review the possibility for mid-life crisis. Right now, today is now. And today is waiting for me to bring my best problem solving skills to resolve the untold challenges yet to present themselves at the most inconvenient timing imaginable.

Cured? No. Seasoned? Yes. Bruised and jaded? Yes A better person? Work in progress.

Totally agree. There is no right or wrong. Although doctors say that no matter how uninterested, wanking is still necessary to clear the plumping else the expired gunk may corrode the pipes, but that's just anatomical necessity. Quoting the literature, it's a problem when our lives become unmanageable from the excessive or lack of sex and love. If that choice has been agreeable with you, then why find problems for the solution you chose well? Nah, it's just a post-it note that means well, suggesting possibilities for those who are feeling broken. More importantly, I hope to dispel the foulness people tend to associate with sex addiction with all our contextual biasness and prejudices and nose-in-the-air attitude. Titanic did sink, despite the number of upturned noses at that time. I found my humility after my arse was handed back to me. Even if only 1 person found the courage to open his mind, then I would fulfil the tradition to pass the lightbulb forward that was gifted to me.

Hahaha.... Actually I would be pleasantly surprised if you did.

No one has successfully put a ruler to measure what is excessive or insufficient. Similarly, a thought may be quantifiable, but in a different country or culture, I might be stoned to death for having a thought. But no, I don't think life choices warrants anything but respecting your choices as they are. In some ways, I envy your approach. I hope that I might get there some day...

I liked the phrase "compulsive behaviour". Compelled to do against self-will, social norms etc. I am no saint, I commit acts of pleasure because they give me pleasure even if they bring damage to myself. My life is turbulent enough. I made a conscious choice to not have a partner, because I saw the damage I did to my previous partner when all he did was loving me. I no longer dared to dream. Someone clever once told me, if I don't know how to love myself, then let others love me until I can love myself better. I was moved when I heard it. But letting it happen was far more complex journey than it sounded. Everyday, I need to remind myself - I must not let him cry again.

If you feel it is copied, please feel free to search the internet to find out where I copied this from.

Not sure what you meant...?

Ps. The relevant materials are freely available on the internet. It is not my intention to promote any particular organisation, merely my personal journey.

I was truly surprised that I didn't find much about this topic here in BW, when I did a search. Well, the ball is rolling..... Much to my surprise, sex addiction is far from perverts, wank-till-you-drop - the general guesstimated assumption of the 2 words. Some years ago, I was given a piece of paper, and it changed completely how I understand myself. The title says - The characteristics of Sex (and love) Addiction. I was amused at the title but by half way through that A4 paper, I wasn't smiling anymore. By the last line, I was jumping off the table, because I found Eureka! Someone clever literally read my mind, my emotions, my actions and put into simple words. The 12 characteristics of Sex Addiction described not only the abundance of sex, but more importantly the lack of sex. It also described my avoidance of love and relationships but at the same time my dependency on love and relationships. Confusing? Yes. I am only human. I love McDonald's but I also buy from KFC, McDonald's rival. As much as I love having sex, and in abundance, I was not doing the lovey dovey sex. The multitude of partners was a symptom of my lack of lovey dovey sex. Somewhere, somehow, something got off a wrong foot and I found myself going through bodies and names thick as the Yellow Pages, if you know what they were. I avoided any intimacy or suggestions of intimacy. Sex was in+out+bus ticket issued. I was shocked to read about me on a piece of paper, that summarised me better than I could. And this was only half of the list of characteristics. The other half described how desperate I was for a loving partner, yet at the same time how I managed to love another person till we both crumpled. At the end of the paper, I wasn't crying because I was exposed, laid bare naked on the table. I was crying with joy that finally someone else understood what I had been going through and what damage I have done to myself and others. Finally the lightbulb lit. Sex Addiction is not about grown male adults who cannot stop molesting underage children. Sex addiction is not about teenager unhealthy sexualisation of genders. Sex addiction is not about how many people I had sex with. Sex addiction is about how I substituted feelings for sex. Like a child who acts out. Instead of understanding my feelings, I acted out with sex. Why? Because when I feel down, all I want is to feel happier, so I go have sex. Sex releases happy hormones, and I get to focus on someone else other than me. Learning about sex addiction gave me a key to unlock my own closet. It also gave me insights to human behaviours in general. How I used to perceive and judge, now I know why. Last night, I was in a bad place. I was desperate to get out my head space. I went for sex. But in the end, sex that didn't happen was the time and space I needed to get myself out of a funk. I hope I was able to give Sex Addiction a better repute than our Asian culture can. My name is Henry. I'm an addict.

I left you a message but you didn't read yet...

Happy to oblige. Pls PM me. Tried to send you a message but you were "not accepting" msgs

1 for 1 Happy Hour (not for the faint hearted) For the mature top man who is looking for something unusual and willing to explore. For 1 hour you belong to me. I decide what I want to do with you. In return, you get 1 hour of me, you decide what you want with me. Of course, we all have bottom lines to be respected. But where's the fun if you keep playing only within the confines of your closet. The world outside can be wild and dangerous, or it could be a walk in the secret garden of Alice. You'll never know until you take a step outside your boundaries. And I will hold your hand. That's my promise. Similarly, you have the reins for an hour. Of course you can choose unlimited sex. To me, sex without the dick in hole and orgasm is not sex. But even sex, has so much more than just dick in hole. This autonomy challenges your desires, your wants, your capabilities, your imaginations, and your execution. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is not only insane but stupid. The McChicken can only be a McChicken until you do something about it (but please try not to set fire to it). So, your time for my time, 1 for 1. My surprise for your surprise. Happy hour. Please note the keyword here is HAPPY.

Unfortunately I have to agree with you. Alas, masses is not always optimal, see 1939 Germany. Sometimes, it's just not right.