Sex Addiction

[twistoff8]

I was truly surprised that I didn't find much about this topic here in BW, when I did a search. Well, the ball is rolling.....

 

Much to my surprise, sex addiction is far from perverts, wank-till-you-drop - the general guesstimated assumption of the 2 words.

 

Some years ago, I was given a piece of paper, and it changed completely how I understand myself. The title says - The characteristics of Sex (and love) Addiction. I was amused at the title but by half way through that A4 paper, I wasn't smiling anymore. By the last line, I was jumping off the table, because I found Eureka! Someone clever literally read my mind, my emotions, my actions and put into simple words.

 

The 12 characteristics of Sex Addiction described not only the abundance of sex, but more importantly the lack of sex. It also described my avoidance of love and relationships but at the same time my dependency on love and relationships.

 

Confusing? Yes. I am only human. I love McDonald's but I also buy from KFC, McDonald's rival. As much as I love having sex, and in abundance, I was not doing the lovey dovey sex. The multitude of partners was a symptom of my lack of lovey dovey sex. Somewhere, somehow, something got off a wrong foot and I found myself going through bodies and names thick as the Yellow Pages, if you know what they were. I avoided any intimacy or suggestions of intimacy. Sex was in+out+bus ticket issued. 

 

I was shocked to read about me on a piece of paper, that summarised me better than I could. And this was only half of the list of characteristics. The other half described how desperate I was for a loving partner, yet at the same time how I managed to love another person till we both crumpled.

 

At the end of the paper, I wasn't crying because I was exposed, laid bare naked on the table. I was crying with joy that finally someone else understood what I had been going through and what damage I have done to myself and others. Finally the lightbulb lit.

 

Sex Addiction is not about grown male adults who cannot stop molesting underage children. Sex addiction is not about teenager unhealthy sexualisation of genders. Sex addiction is not about how many people I had sex with. Sex addiction is about how I substituted feelings for sex. Like a child who acts out. Instead of understanding my feelings, I acted out with sex. Why? Because when I feel down, all I want is to feel happier, so I go have sex. Sex releases happy hormones, and I get to focus on someone else other than me.

 

Learning about sex addiction gave me a key to unlock my own closet. It also gave me insights to human behaviours in general. How I used to perceive and judge, now I know why.

 

Last night, I was in a bad place. I was desperate to get out my head space. I went for sex. But in the end, sex that didn't happen was the time and space I needed to get myself out of a funk.

 

I hope I was able to give Sex Addiction a better repute than our Asian culture can.  

 

My name is Henry. I'm an addict.

 

 

Edited November 26, 2025 by twistoff8

[twistoff8]

Ps. The relevant materials are freely available on the internet. It is not my intention to promote any particular organisation, merely my personal journey.

[leckmich]

This was cooies from somewhere?

[twistoff8]

On 11/26/2025 at 8:12 PM, leckmich said:

This was cooies from somewhere?

Not sure what you meant...?

[kjs2221]

he means "copies"?

[leckmich]

typo, yes, copied

[doncoin]

Sex-related compulsive behavior, like other behavioral addictions, recruits the brain’s reward circuitry. When a person engages in the behavior, the brain releases dopamine and related neurochemicals that reinforce the action. Over time, this repeated reward cycle can strengthen the urge, narrow attention toward the stimulus, and make the behavior harder to regulate.

 

This doesn’t mean the behavior is “about pleasure” in a simple sense. In many cases, the reward system shifts from seeking pleasure to relieving tension or discomfort, which is why compulsive patterns can persist even when the person no longer enjoys the act itself.

 

 

[twistoff8]

11 hours ago, leckmich said:

typo, yes, copied

If you feel it is copied, please feel free to search the internet to find out where I copied this from. 

[twistoff8]

6 hours ago, doncoin said:

Sex-related compulsive behavior, like other behavioral addictions, recruits the brain’s reward circuitry. When a person engages in the behavior, the brain releases dopamine and related neurochemicals that reinforce the action. Over time, this repeated reward cycle can strengthen the urge, narrow attention toward the stimulus, and make the behavior harder to regulate.

 

This doesn’t mean the behavior is “about pleasure” in a simple sense. In many cases, the reward system shifts from seeking pleasure to relieving tension or discomfort, which is why compulsive patterns can persist even when the person no longer enjoys the act itself.

 

 

I liked the phrase "compulsive behaviour". Compelled to do against self-will,  social norms etc. I am no saint, I commit acts of pleasure because they give me pleasure even if they bring damage to myself. 

 

My life is turbulent enough. I made a conscious choice to not have a partner, because I saw the damage I did to my previous partner when all he did was loving me. I no longer dared to dream. 

 

Someone clever once told me, if I don't know how to love myself, then let others love me until I can love myself better.  I was moved when I heard it. But letting it happen was far more complex journey than it sounded.  

 

Everyday, I need to remind myself - I must not let him cry again. 

[doncoin]

1 hour ago, twistoff8 said:

I liked the phrase "compulsive behaviour". Compelled to do against self-will,  social norms etc. I am no saint, I commit acts of pleasure because they give me pleasure even if they bring damage to myself. 

 

My life is turbulent enough. I made a conscious choice to not have a partner, because I saw the damage I did to my previous partner when all he did was loving me. I no longer dared to dream. 

 

Someone clever once told me, if I don't know how to love myself, then let others love me until I can love myself better.  I was moved when I heard it. But letting it happen was far more complex journey than it sounded.  

 

Everyday, I need to remind myself - I must not let him cry again. 

 

You need to love yourself first so that you can love them back. Without loving yourself, even if you let others love you, you will never love them back truly. Loving yourself is accepting you on your own terms, both the good and bad. Loving yourself also means stop punishing yourself. Yes you’ve made mistakes in the past with your previous partner, and that’s ok. The important thing is you learn from it. This self-infliction of not daring to dream is self-indulgent.

[Why?]

I am not sure about sex addition.  It sounds like someone is excessively chasing it without any control or largely driven by impulsion act and commit the un-imaginable to accomplish his goal for pleasure.   I've always believed that this could only occur when you're young, inexperienced, and desperate to have sex with someone else—like a bean sprout struggling to push out its leaves under any given situation.    When you are old, the addiction for sex is substantially muted by other conditions more imporant in life at that age.   Personally, I wouldn't want any physical sex at all if I kept myself occupied and learned new things.   I only picture having sex, without physical going for it, is when a lovely someone with an attractive "tool", incidentally,  sitting opposite my table, man spreading.  I will undoubtedly feel attracted by that, horny imagination ran wild, spinning image after vision of me physically touching his mandhood...and just that.  I will not track the person, seek to lure him nor even chat to him.   The duration of the attractive image lasted in about 2 - 3 days.  Then, I went about my own business.   If that qualifies as sex addiction, I believe I managed it quite well.

 

[twistoff8]

No one has successfully put a ruler to measure what is excessive or insufficient. Similarly, a thought may be quantifiable, but in a different country or culture, I might be stoned to death for having a thought. 

 

But no, I don't think life choices warrants anything but respecting your choices as they are. In some ways, I envy your approach. I hope that I might get there some day...

 

Edited December 2, 2025 by twistoff8

[leckmich]

12 hours ago, twistoff8 said:

If you feel it is copied, please feel free to search the internet to find out where I copied this from. 

no, i wont bother

[twistoff8]

On 12/2/2025 at 11:12 PM, leckmich said:

no, i wont bother

Hahaha.... Actually I would be pleasantly surprised if you did. 

[leckmich]

anyway, ru cured now

[And then]

On 12/2/2025 at 5:34 PM, twistoff8 said:

No one has successfully put a ruler to measure what is excessive or insufficient. Similarly, a thought may be quantifiable, but in a different country or culture, I might be stoned to death for having a thought. 

 

But no, I don't think life choices warrants anything but respecting your choices as they are. In some ways, I envy your approach. I hope that I might get there some day...

 

some people have very low libido or sexual needs

having a wank once a week is enough for them

 

other end of the spectrum, you have the insatiable ones

[twistoff8]

Totally agree. There is no right or wrong. Although doctors say that no matter how uninterested, wanking is still necessary to clear the plumping else the expired gunk may corrode the pipes, but that's just anatomical necessity. 

 

Quoting the literature, it's a problem when our lives become unmanageable from the excessive or lack of sex and love. If that choice has been agreeable with you, then why find problems for the solution you chose well? Nah, it's just a post-it note that means well, suggesting possibilities for those who are feeling broken.

 

More importantly, I hope to dispel the foulness people tend to associate with sex addiction with all our contextual biasness and prejudices and nose-in-the-air attitude. Titanic did sink, despite the number of upturned noses at that time. I found my humility after my arse was handed back to me. Even if only 1 person found the courage to open his mind, then I would fulfil the tradition to pass the lightbulb forward that was gifted to me.

[twistoff8]

7 hours ago, leckmich said:

anyway, ru cured now

Cured? No.

Seasoned? Yes.

Bruised and jaded? Yes

A better person? Work in progress.

[leckmich]

same like everyone then wip

[StockBottom]

Am I an addict? Maybe.

Do I see anything wrong with it, or somehow want to "cure" it? Absolutely not.

I am very much a active willing party, and it's definitely not a substitute for "feelings" or anything.

I love anonymous one-off sex with strangers, far more than LTR or even regular FB.

Funny thing is the older I get, the more I think about it and actually doing it. Maybe it's because I know time is running out.

Edited December 8, 2025 by StockBottom