Thoughts on male loneliness

[freakoutduder]

It came up during a casual chat with my colleagues about the movie Obsession. (No spoilers)

 

There's an idea in this day and age, because women are educated and more well-to-do so they have higher standards, causing more and more single males to be trapped in a sort of aching loneliness that is worsened by societial pressures preventing us from openly talk about our emotions.

 

As someone who identifies as gay, I also somehow find myself experiencing this loneliness, and I'm unsure why and what to do. Do you guys have any similar experiences?

[fattycatty162]

im lonely too 😞

for me, doing hobbies work best to cope the loneliness. Praying / meditating works too

[freakoutduder]

Thanks for sharing. Yeah I think that's what most people do, find something to do so that it distracts us. Lately I've been finding it increasingly difficult to not fixate on it 🥲

[Guest CockWorshipper]

I guess the importance of friends and family support helps in coping with the sense of loneliness? Quality of friends is very important, quality over quantity. Try to find something to do, which keeps you occupied so that your mind doesn't wander off to negativities. Like for me, I practice meditation, calligraphy, nature walks, solo trips, and self pampering. 

[radiusulnar]

as they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. day-to-day, i don't experience loneliness. the day is easily filled with work, meals with colleagues, hobbies, streaming videos, doom-scrolling, and of course, not forgetting BW.

however, during festive holidays (eg CNY, Christmas/New Year), there are times when i get sudden pangs of loneliness. If lucky, I can put it out of my mind quickly by finding something to do to distract myself. If not, it can darken my mood considerably - and any distraction i try to use only deepens the loneliness. because in a way, the fact that i'm trying to cope by distracting myself underscores the fact of loneliness and a lack of connection.

 

fortunately, however long that depressive state lasts, it always blows over overnight. 

[joshTWjosh]

Statistically, LGBTQ+ folks have lesser institutional support systems so it would make sense that the loneliness hits harder. It’s not a coincidence that the males have higher suicide rates than females, and LGBTQ+ has waaaaaay higher rates than the hets.

 

combine the two…… sad

[Lv Blue Sky]

3 hours ago, radiusulnar said:

as they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. day-to-day, i don't experience loneliness. the day is easily filled with work, meals with colleagues, hobbies, streaming videos, doom-scrolling, and of course, not forgetting BW.

however, during festive holidays (eg CNY, Christmas/New Year), there are times when i get sudden pangs of loneliness. If lucky, I can put it out of my mind quickly by finding something to do to distract myself. If not, it can darken my mood considerably - and any distraction i try to use only deepens the loneliness. because in a way, the fact that i'm trying to cope by distracting myself underscores the fact of loneliness and a lack of connection.

 

fortunately, however long that depressive state lasts, it always blows over overnight. 

Well said n totally agreed with that.

 

As a senior guy myself, still slowly adapting to the situation esp during the festive season. I don’t celebrate X’mas so X’mas days is not an issue to me. But during CnY where everyone is having their reunion dinner n u will feel the loneliness suddenly creep in…..

[Why?]

6 hours ago, freakoutduder said:

As someone who identifies as gay, I also somehow find myself experiencing this loneliness, and I'm unsure why and what to do. Do you guys have any similar experiences?

Since the term "loneliness" is often used too broadly to identify the precise location of the problem, I no longer completely understand why it is frequently discussed in this forum.

 

You could feel socially lonely because you have no one to talk to, emotionally lonely because nothing makes you feel excited, sexually lonely because your kkj is devoid of excitement, or even psychologically lonely because you long for company, or it could be  mental issues requiring medical attentions.  

You should avoid creating surplus space by being too free (lazy) on all levels—mentally, physically, and emotionally.  On the flip side, it becomes a luxury that few people have if you know how to use those empty spaces inside.   I am a book collector and I enjoy reading and rereading books.  In order to nourish my spirituality and bolster my faith in life, I also kept some religious books to complete me.

 

An Enactment

 

In the midst of reading a novel,  I have to make dinner at home.  I put on my shoes and went for a little walk outdoors because I wanted to read more after dinner but was too sleepy.   I realized that I needed to do my laundry when I got home feeling energized. However, on the way, I received irrelevant phone messages, which I ignored, and was also interrupted by people who greeted me. I just grinned and managed to reach my peaceful sanctionary to finish whatever I needed to do at home after enduring several heavy traffic.    One more forgotten book was still partially open on the desk earlier, so left it there and closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence of life.  I brewed a cup of coffee, sat by the window, and inhaled deeply before recognizing that some of the things I had promised to finish could wait until another busy, lonely day, or even the day after tomorrow, given my propensity to fill my life with ordinary things, and at that precise time...

 

A Recollection

 

I start thiking back to the times I worked so hard at my job, endured all the poisonous taunts thrown at me, and had to compete regularly with the canteen patrons in order for the vendor to finally serve me the unhealthiest food quickly and give me that little extra energy to finish the remaining half day of dealine work before leaving the office long after the sun had set.   Years after years passed, with me waking up on a rainy morning before the first light of dawn, standing drowsily in the train for almost an hour, and repeating the motion of another hectic human day.  Rather than showing minimal gratitude, bosses were not afraid to suggest that I could easily replaced if I didn’t live up to expectations.  I do not have space nor time for myself lest I fall short of other people approval.  As a result, I was lay bare to waste for most part of my miserable life in this manner.

 

You can see why some people consider loneliness to be a gift. It is a symbol of freedom to some extend.   I fear the same circumstance of making the arduous, drawn-out trip to Mordor again, and Bilbo Baggings can identify with my fear of visitors.  Loneliness is not a feeling, but a location called Grey Haven.  

 

The only thing that will determine how effectively or poorly you manage loneliness in old age is how fast and constructively you adapt to it while still young.  Everyone experience is different, I am just briefly sharing an extract of mine.   

[freakoutduder]

5 hours ago, radiusulnar said:

as they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. day-to-day, i don't experience loneliness. the day is easily filled with work, meals with colleagues, hobbies, streaming videos, doom-scrolling, and of course, not forgetting BW.

however, during festive holidays (eg CNY, Christmas/New Year), there are times when i get sudden pangs of loneliness. If lucky, I can put it out of my mind quickly by finding something to do to distract myself. If not, it can darken my mood considerably - and any distraction i try to use only deepens the loneliness. because in a way, the fact that i'm trying to cope by distracting myself underscores the fact of loneliness and a lack of connection.

 

fortunately, however long that depressive state lasts, it always blows over overnight. 

I hope mine blows over overnight haha

[ikn.ikn]

On 7/10/2026 at 7:23 PM, joshTWjosh said:

Statistically, LGBTQ+ folks have lesser institutional support systems so it would make sense that the loneliness hits harder. It’s not a coincidence that the males have higher suicide rates than females, and LGBTQ+ has waaaaaay higher rates than the hets.

 

combine the two…… sad

 

yea, sexual minorities are at higher risk of loneliness

 

esp those with no siblings also..can only depend on friends in old age.

 

 

Edited August 28 by ikn.ikn

[LeL9]

hmm..... when the mind is not occupied, didnt know what to do and has nothing to do, loneliness will slowly creep in. 

 

Eventually all of us will face this at some point in our life, some handle it better, some not. 

[ziurtis]

9 hours ago, freakoutduder said:

more and more single males to be trapped in a sort of aching loneliness that is worsened by societial pressures preventing us from openly talk about our emotions.

 

As someone who identifies as gay, I also somehow find myself experiencing this loneliness, and I'm unsure why and what to do. Do you guys have any similar experiences?

Loneliness is the human condition and comparison is the thief of joy. Societal pressure for men has been around all along, just that social media has amplified it multiple folds. When you see people on social media living their best lives, it makes you wonder if you are doing enough with yours. Or you see people posting about how their bf is physically not their type and your insecurity about your body creeps in. However, social media is mostly performative in nature. The average guy with a job and relationship is not going to be able to wake at at 5 am to take a cold shower, run for 10 km and swim for 30 min before work, and go for basketball and gym after work. 

It's definitely tougher for sexual minorities as there is only so much of ourselves that we feel safe to share with others, and the accompanying anxiety may make our thoughts run wild. I personally feel that learning to be at ease and love yourself is a on-going lesson that helps to tackle loneliness.  Hope you'll find that ease in this chaotic modern world a little bit at a time.

[leckmich]

get a good book

[ToughGuy]

10 hours ago, fattycatty162 said:

im lonely too 😞

for me, doing hobbies work best to cope the loneliness. Praying / meditating works too

very true...lots of things to do...passion will fill those LONELY times..

[MasterFitMalaySG4U]

If women can be independent why not men....

 

It is their choices some even do some magic ✨ like amulets spells etc to get women of their dreams or types. 

 

For men like us it is good to have regular fun sex buddies slaves subs who entertain us haha or who share same similar interests just make sure u don't settle down or get attached it will ruin everything. Men and men relationships are not meant to be or lasted etc....so much drama haha 

 

You won't be lonely if you meet me haha I can show you around stroll nightwalk hot cold shower hike jog run swim cruise have fun etc let me put a smile and laughter at the same time entice you haha 

 

Don't make your mindset put u on that lonely mindset motivate yaself bro! 

[Guest Lonely Night Starry Night]

Having a regular or long term buddy is good, but if you protitute others or yourself by regularly looking for sex, your personal guardian angel will abandon you and you will no longer have your shield of protection. Watch out and be advised.

[funky beaver]

I suggest understanding the Iceberg Model by Virginia Satir.

 

The reason why we feel what we feel can be traced to just few reasons.

 

Example, are you lonely because you are afraid to mix and mingle, because of fear of judgement? 

[Guest Gee]

what a narcissistic piece of shit. "haha"

[Guest Gee]

v

On 7/11/2026 at 7:35 PM, MasterFitMalaySG4U said:

If women can be independent why not men....

 

It is their choices some even do some magic ✨ like amulets spells etc to get women of their dreams or types. 

 

For men like us it is good to have regular fun sex buddies slaves subs who entertain us haha or who share same similar interests just make sure u don't settle down or get attached it will ruin everything. Men and men relationships are not meant to be or lasted etc....so much drama haha 

 

You won't be lonely if you meet me haha I can show you around stroll nightwalk hot cold shower hike jog run swim cruise have fun etc let me put a smile and laughter at the same time entice you haha 

 

Don't make your mindset put u on that lonely mindset motivate yaself bro! 

what a narcissistic piece of shit. "haha"

[GregZy]

On 7/10/2026 at 3:19 PM, freakoutduder said:

It came up during a casual chat with my colleagues about the movie Obsession. (No spoilers)

 

There's an idea in this day and age, because women are educated and more well-to-do so they have higher standards, causing more and more single males to be trapped in a sort of aching loneliness that is worsened by societial pressures preventing us from openly talk about our emotions.

 

As someone who identifies as gay, I also somehow find myself experiencing this loneliness, and I'm unsure why and what to do. Do you guys have any similar experiences?

 

Gay or not gay, even married men will experience being lonely at certain stage of their life. Some people call it mid-life crisis. It will depend what u are going to about it. Some people I know use this time to re-evaluate their life and aim to live better than before.

[MikeC]

🤔 I think sometimes one can still feel pangs of being “lonely” even if surrounded by work colleagues / family if we do not feel a sense of connection, or of being understood.  Hence when we find someone whom we can really relate to, good to put effort into maintaining the relationship.  This means putting in time to meet or just to chat.  Keeping ourselves busy with interesting activities / hobbies we love definitely helps but having someone to chat with is still important.  Sometimes we can take a chance and just reach out to someone whom we think can relate, as who knows, the other person may also be looking for a connection ◡̈

[Guest Guest]

 

[doncoin]

Relationships take time to build. It doesn't just happen. Before you start whining about being lonely or feeling so, think about the time and effort you have put in in building relationships. As @MikeC suggested, reach out to people around you. Make new friends. Experience new places, activities, etc.  

[Find the one]

Another aspect of loneliness I recently realized is that no type of bond is replaceable, whether it is familial love, friendship, or anything else.

I used to think I did not need a romantic relationship since I had family, friends, work, and hobbies.

However, it turns out I had just been ignoring that need all along.

Ideally, if we can find someone who fulfills all of those needs, that would be superb.

[Rice60640]

Unfortinarely, there is no simple answer. It’s not a “one size fits all” situation. Loneliness can fester into depression. You can try to do things to distract yourself from feeling lonely but it doesn’t fix the root cause. Having a hobby or a group of reliable friends may help. Best to consult an unbiased professional and have tools to help you battle the loneliness demon when they surface. Today, we rely so much on social media that we mis-take IG, YouTube, Grindr, WhatsApp or TikTok as social interactions. But there is not “exchange” in any level - you’re just staring at what others are doing.