worldangel Posted June 9 Report Share Posted June 9 Joke: A lawyer is standing in a long... A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10 Report Share Posted June 10 Joke: A man walked into a cafe... A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10 Report Share Posted June 10 Joke: We've all heard about people... We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: "Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "Balls," is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the arse and having the balls to say, "You're next, fatty!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10 Report Share Posted June 10 Joke: Eating Out This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 10 Report Share Posted June 10 Joke: Checking out A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell. Yes, says the receptionist irritably. Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please? The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down. Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11 Report Share Posted June 11 Joke: A stage.... During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee. He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted: "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11 Report Share Posted June 11 Joke: Learning About Democracy I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11 Report Share Posted June 11 Joke: Charge By The Inch Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe? You and me ?" As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 11 Report Share Posted June 11 Joke: Something That Made You Cry A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. "Have you ever read something that made you cry?" A student replied, "Yeah, my last report card." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12 Report Share Posted June 12 Joke: Two married buddies are out drinking... Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!' And, she's always sound asleep. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12 Report Share Posted June 12 Joke: Eating Out This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12 Report Share Posted June 12 Joke: Smashing The Cigarettes A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 12 Report Share Posted June 12 Joke: You have to stay in shape... You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and... we have no idea where she is. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13 Report Share Posted June 13 Joke: A man standing at a bus stop ... A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. The man noticed this, in fact he was getting rather annoyed at the dog. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13 Report Share Posted June 13 Joke: A police officer was investigating ... A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not? In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13 Report Share Posted June 13 Joke: Stop Drinking My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. It's going to be a massive change for me. I've been with that doctor for 15 years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted June 13 Report Share Posted June 13 Joke: Pee in the pool.... Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny. "That may be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Saturday at 03:22 PM Report Share Posted Saturday at 03:22 PM Joke: Tom was at the hospital visiting ... Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked, "If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?" Larry nodded yes just as he passed away. That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry's voice in a dream, "Tom..." "Larry! What is it?!" asked Tom. "I have good news and bad news from heaven." "What's the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you're pitching on Tuesday." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Saturday at 03:23 PM Report Share Posted Saturday at 03:23 PM Joke: My dad Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Saturday at 03:24 PM Report Share Posted Saturday at 03:24 PM Joke: Take Your Kid To Work Day An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Saturday at 03:25 PM Report Share Posted Saturday at 03:25 PM Joke: Suit Yourself The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 03:46 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 03:46 PM Joke: A week after their marriage, the... A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor..." I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband." My testicles are turning blue." "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" "Yes, I am," she replied. "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" "Grape" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 03:47 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 03:47 PM Joke: A man realized he needed to purchase ... A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. "Anything from $2 to $2,000." "Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket." "How does it work?" asked the customer. "For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 03:47 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 03:47 PM Joke: A true tech support story... Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.' Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.' Tech Support: 'Well?' Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 03:48 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 03:48 PM Joke: An explorer walked into a clearing... An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?" "I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy. "That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?" The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Monday at 03:23 PM Report Share Posted Monday at 03:23 PM Joke: Woman's Quote of the Day... Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Monday at 03:24 PM Report Share Posted Monday at 03:24 PM Joke: Unusual affair Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.” Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. “No, I’m serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Monday at 03:25 PM Report Share Posted Monday at 03:25 PM Joke: Leaving Dan In My Will A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. 'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads. 'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.' 'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Monday at 03:26 PM Report Share Posted Monday at 03:26 PM Joke: A passenger train is creeping... A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally, it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Tuesday at 04:29 PM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 04:29 PM Joke: Writing letters to son The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: "Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Tuesday at 04:30 PM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 04:30 PM Joke: Joe passed away. His will provided … Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My goodness, how big is it?!" "Two and a half carats." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Tuesday at 04:31 PM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 04:31 PM Joke: Can I take his place? An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Tuesday at 04:32 PM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 04:32 PM Joke: One Last Confession While a man was dying, his wife was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk. "He was insistent. "I have something that I must confess," he said in a tired voice. "There isn't anything to confess," replied his weeping wife. "Everything's ok. Go to sleep. "The man blurted out: "No, no, I must die in peace. I...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," whispered his wife, "that's why I poisoned you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted yesterday at 03:54 PM Report Share Posted yesterday at 03:54 PM Joke: Scared Dad Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted yesterday at 03:56 PM Report Share Posted yesterday at 03:56 PM Joke: Fuzz Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover's Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. "Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !" "What did ya expect ?" Phoebe sez, "A perm?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted yesterday at 03:57 PM Report Share Posted yesterday at 03:57 PM Joke: After spending a night at a hotel ... After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. "Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20." "Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that." "Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted yesterday at 03:58 PM Report Share Posted yesterday at 03:58 PM Joke: Enter a Password A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process. She told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in.... P... E... N.... I... S... His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*** Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 2 hours ago Report Share Posted 2 hours ago Joke: The Old Lawyer Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you." What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?" "45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel. "Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate." "Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 2 hours ago Report Share Posted 2 hours ago Joke: Morning Run I went out for a run this morning, but I came back after a couple of minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I can't run for more than a couple of minutes. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 2 hours ago Report Share Posted 2 hours ago Joke: Learning About Democracy I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 2 hours ago Report Share Posted 2 hours ago Joke: A man and his wife were sitting... A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will” "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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