A Romantic Encounter

[WonTonMee]

I was about to leave the sauna when I spotted him. He has a moustache and smiled charmingly at me. My heart skipped a bit and we both ended up in the cubicle.

After the sauna visit, he suggested we go for dinner. I told him that I had to rush off to a bowling league after dinner. During dinner, he told me that he just broke off with his bf 6 months ago and I told him that I was attached but he didn't mind. He even went to the league to cheer me on, even my bf hardly do that.

After the league, he drove me to Sentosa and in the darkness of the night, we hold hands and strolled along the beach at Sentosa. We came upon a bench and we cuddled and chat like lovers for few hours. Looking out into the sea and hearing the waves beating alone the shores at Sentosa and lying in the arms of someone you like, this was the most romantic moment in my life.

Am I falling for him? Is he falling for me? But I am attached! What should I do?

Any advice?

[GachiMuchi]

Meeting someone whom has just broken off is a very tricky thing. He could be on a rebound and end up with his ex-bf, or he may not know what he wants and are just playing the fields, passing time.

I think you need to rethink your relationship with your bf. It seems you guys have lost the fizzles.

Since you visit sauna and can have sex outside your relationship, are you both in open relationship or did you just have flings?

One romp on the bed and a romantic stroll on the beach should not shake your relationship, unless your relationship is shaky to begin with.

So before you jumped into any conclusions, I think you should just play it by ears and see how things progress as you go along.

[Guest Guest01]

WonTonMee, we most can give you advice & what we think from the post you told, but frankly, i don't think you are fall in Love again, you just love the feeling to be care & pamper which your boyfriend don't even can give, so you lost.

No one can tell whether he love you know just base on your post, don't forget, he told you that he broke off not long ago, so he need company too, some people like me also like romance, i like to hold & hug & kiss the other party just like what couple do, however that's not Love, maybe he comfortable with you, you both may can have common topics etc...

I am attach too but i know & can draw a line to others sex partner, i won't ever want to have 3rd party in my Love relationship.

WonTonMee, you never tell us how long you been attach, however not all guys know how to show their Love feeling by action or words, you know more about yourself what type of Love & person you looking for.

不是轰轰隆隆,你浓我浓,难舍难分的情节才叫爱情,

平平淡淡,简简单单或许才是幸福.

要找一个真正爱你,愿意陪你走完人生的人才困难,

珍惜你拥有的一切,真爱是经得起考验的

[Guest Trapped]

I don't go to Saunas in Singapore cos I am very discreet....

But I have been to Saunas in KL a few times...

Similar experience in Sauna. This guy around 35...he followed me around once I went in. We had fun in a cubicle. After the fling, we went our different ways in the Sauna, and I thought that was it. I stayed on in the Sauna, because I knew I could have one more fun session with another guy. Then I bumped into him again...obviously he was observing me. He asked me if I was looking for more action...I said YES.

He asked me to go dinner with him. He brought me to a nice eating place in KL (cos he was local and knew the way around...). During dinner he told me that the 1st time he saw me walking into the sauna, he knew that he had to 'get me' that night. I knew then, that this guy was really attracted to me. We then went back to my hotel, and we had another fun session there.

He said he would call me the next day...but he never did. Not that it really mattered to me...

Essence of this is...someone can really be very fond of you the first time they see you. They probably want you a lot right from the start, but later on, things might change. It could be a myriad of reasons. In my case, I knew this guy withdrew and never called me the next day because he was afraid to develop deeper feelings and get hurt. I am from Singapore, he is from KL, it is difficult for any serious relationship to really develop. I think he was smart and knew how to take care of his heart.

So, my take on this to WonTonMee is, be smart like this guy I met. He stopped himself early before it developed into something that might hurt himself and others.

WonTonMee, if you really love your current bf, cut off all communications with this new guy immediately once and for all to prevent further complications. But then again, maybe there are irreconciliable differences you have with your current bf...in this case, you have to decide what you want to do with your current bf 1st. The new guy, hopefully, should not be the reason for you to leave your current bf...

[Guest Guest]

I don't go to Saunas in Singapore cos I am very discreet....

But I have been to Saunas in KL a few times...

Alot people say they are very discreet, but i not sure how they define as " discreet " in their term.

A real discreet guy won't go to any sauna no matter where is he & which country he visit & of cos include gay pub, cos a closeted guy & discreet guy will be extremely low profile

Don't visit local sauna but oversea don't mean you are discreet, just can say that person is self cheating with 阿Q精神

[Frogprince]

The important thing is that what are you doing in a sauna when you are already attached? If you are in an open relationship, then this post is of no significant. But if you are not, then you have to review on your relationship. Your moustache guy may not mind that you are attached but it will be very tiring for you to be seeing 2 person.

P/S: If you really do love your bf, you will know what to do. If you are struggerling, hmm ...

[Guest CheeCheongFun]

Pleasantries are everyday thing, especially when we have an open heart to create the joy within. The meeting of souls has a metaphysical significant in our lives - it is a formation of collective consciousness for something bigger.

Obviously, that particular night was about soul healing - two open hearted guys made a decision to go to the sauna and, for whatever light reasons, a path crossed. Two souls broke free of their past but that significant day was not just another passing day but probably a redemption day to reflect.

A conscious effort to watch your thoughts, feelings and actions are required hereon. Check your situation - probably [but in most instances], it is often about the missing piece between you and your partner that needs to be address. The presence of Mr Moustache is about a-visit-of-an-angel to remind you to treasure what you had worked for.

On the other hand, WonTonMee unconsciously reminded Mr Moustache that there is life after a breakup - that there is possibility of meeting someone and love never shuts his door.

As a rational individual, this event should be taken to help each other - both should see life in a bigger picture. It's true that love has brought the two of you together that night but it could be just a passing wind that love was trapped because two people had initially gone to the sauna feeling low.

To think that love is coded to imprint a new life for you is [in my opinion] a foul play that you might regret without giving your mind a second chance to re-think about your current relationship.

There are always more than one road towards reaching our destination - and for that, I wish you the strength to make your journey a simple, smoother and rewarding one.

[TopChinese]

How to be simple? OP rather enjoy a romantic moment with some stranger he meets in a sauna than be with his boyfriend? Although this lucky stranger enjoy the evening, OP's boyfriend is stuck in a relationship with a fickle man?

Something has to be said about this encounter. Very Bridge of Madison County.

[Guest Trapped]

I don't go to Saunas in Singapore cos I am very discreet....

But I have been to Saunas in KL a few times...

Alot people say they are very discreet, but i not sure how they define as " discreet " in their term.

A real discreet guy won't go to any sauna no matter where is he & which country he visit & of cos include gay pub, cos a closeted guy & discreet guy will be extremely low profile

Don't visit local sauna but oversea don't mean you are discreet, just can say that person is self cheating with 阿Q精神

cos people know me in singapore. overseas, no one really knows me...anyways lets drop it.

[Guest Trapped]

There are always more than one road towards reaching our destination - and for that, I wish you the strength to make your journey a simple, smoother and rewarding one.

Hmm...if the destination is some general goal like happiness, satisfaction etc. maybe there are more roads than one...

However, I always believe that life is about choices. When we walk along the path of life and come to a fork (with a left or right turn only, for example), we have to make the choice whichever way we go. Once we make that choice, our lives are changed from thereon. Of course, we can backtrack if we decide that we want to make a change to the choice we had already made. However, many a time, turning back and walking back towards the same fork, we find that the fork has changed...we might never be able to return exactly to the same spot where we made that choice...

So, once we make the wrong choice, it might be a hard journey back to where we started off, and even then, we will find that the situation and circumstances have changed, and therein lies only regret.

But once the choice is made, don't look back. Don't regret. Cos looking back to regret is not gonna change things. Rather, make the best of what we have decided and learn to live with the choices we have made...

[Guest Guest]

During dinner, he told me that he just broke off with his bf 6 months ago and I told him that I was attached but he didn't mind.

WTM, if I were that guy and if you were to tell me that you are attached, I would immediately cool off. I wouldn't be a third party or a breaker of relationships.

[Guest CheeCheongFun]

There are always more than one road towards reaching our destination - and for that, I wish you the strength to make your journey a simple, smoother and rewarding one.

Hmm...if the destination is some general goal like happiness, satisfaction etc. maybe there are more roads than one...

But once the choice is made, don't look back. Don't regret. Cos looking back to regret is not gonna change things. Rather, make the best of what we have decided and learn to live with the choices we have made...

I often believe, and it's to each his own, that happiness, joy, satisfaction and the-like should be the journey and NOT the destination. We should live life [the journey] amplifying with positive committment and conviction towards something big [the Goal].

You are right, and i totally agree, that life is about making choices - everything evolves around it. Hence, it is crucial that we exercise our mind to gear in oneness with the heart towards achieving an ideal situation for ourselves.

[kal]

I'll say take it as a nice chapter, its time to go to next..

[WonTonMee]

WonTonMee, you never tell us how long you been attach, however not all guys know how to show their Love feeling by action or words, you know more about yourself what type of Love & person you looking for.

Thanks for all the advice guys, just for info, I am attached for around 7 years already. (The seven years itch maybe? )

I am not in an open relationship with my bf. I visit saunas secretly to satisfy my sexual desires. I donno why I keep doing that, seems like an addiction recently. But I need constant love and attention and my bf is always busy with his work. Maybe it's because my work is flexible and thus have more free time for me to fling around.

I know what I am doing is wrong, but looks like I think more with my dick than with my head.

Is it possible that I only maintain a friend friend relationship with this new moustache guy? I am very soft hearted and do not wish to see any parties get hurt by me. Sigh......

[mature40s]

Dear WonTonMee

If you said that you are soft-hearted, then have you ever thought of the impact on your current bf if he found out your numerous flings? Will he be hurt? My advice is to avoid Mr. Moustache as he has just knew you. The hurt you caused to Mr. Moustache will not be as great as to your bf. Please treasure your bf especially since he has accompanied you in your life journey for the past 7 years.

Best of luck

[GachiMuchi]

Haha, 7 year itch ah? Did you itch on the 7th year or earlier ah? I wonder if your bf knows that you are hanky pankying around?

Anyway, I think there is nothing wrong with maintaining the friendship with Mr. Moustache, but then again, since you mentioned that you dick has a mind of it's own and your dick will over-rule your big brain, I am not sure if you should even be a friend with Mr. Moustache.

On top of that you also said u are soft hearted, I hope you dun anyhow give your heart to Mr. Moustache. Later, you ended up split heart and u might have to split yourself up to satisfy your bf and Mr. Moustache, then your simple, happy, boring life will become another episode of Desperate Husband.

[Guest Guest]

Thanks for all the advice guys, just for info, I am attached for around 7 years already. (The seven years itch maybe? )

Is it possible that I only maintain a friend friend relationship with this new moustache guy? I am very soft hearted and do not wish to see any parties get hurt by me. Sigh......

Don't ask, only yourself know the answer, the more you seek for advice, the more i feel that you just want to find some good excuses to cover you unfaithfulness, if you want to have 3rd party & have a mistress then go for it, no point keep saying something you already know the answer & what you should & should not.

Just do what you want but just be prepare to face the music at the end, the choice is yours, you can start this relationship or stop it, we are mature & adult, just be responsible, if your boy friend no longer can give what you want, just end it & move to next, but if you burnt yourself at the end, then is your fate, you deserve to get it

[Guest Guest01]

如果七年的感情相处, 竟抵不过一夜情就想出轨的话, 这种男友不要也罢

[WonTonMee]

Dear WonTonMee

If you said that you are soft-hearted, then have you ever thought of the impact on your current bf if he found out your numerous flings? Will he be hurt? My advice is to avoid Mr. Moustache as he has just knew you. The hurt you caused to Mr. Moustache will not be as great as to your bf. Please treasure your bf especially since he has accompanied you in your life journey for the past 7 years.

Best of luck

ok, I just broke off with Mr. moustache via SMS. Of course there was the usual furious exchange of SMS why this and why that, do I like him etc. I cried while returning all the SMSes he sent to me asking me why this and why that. I told him 长痛不如短痛， if he really like me, please let me go. I also told him that I do not want to hurt him deeper than I've already done. He said he will never forgive himself.

Love Hurts, and this incident makes me realised that human are so much better without these emotions. Why can't we love someone as and when we like it. Sigh...

[Guest Guest]

Dear WonTonMee

If you said that you are soft-hearted, then have you ever thought of the impact on your current bf if he found out your numerous flings?  Will he be hurt?  My advice is to avoid Mr. Moustache as he has just knew you.  The hurt you caused to Mr. Moustache will not be as great as to your bf.  Please treasure your bf especially since he has accompanied you in your life journey for the past 7 years. 

Best of luck

ok, I just broke off with Mr. moustache via SMS. Of course there was the usual furious exchange of SMS why this and why that, do I like him etc. I cried while returning all the SMSes he sent to me asking me why this and why that. I told him 长痛不如短痛， if he really like me, please let me go. I also told him that I do not want to hurt him deeper than I've already done. He said he will never forgive himself.

Love Hurts, and this incident makes me realised that human are so much better without these emotions. Why can't we love someone as and when we like it. Sigh...

Life is a series of frustation and a moment of happiness !!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest trapped]

ok, I just broke off with Mr. moustache via SMS. Of course there was the usual furious exchange of SMS why this and why that, do I like him etc. I cried while returning all the SMSes he sent to me asking me why this and why that. I told him 长痛不如短痛， if he really like me, please let me go. I also told him that I do not want to hurt him deeper than I've already done. He said he will never forgive himself.

Love Hurts, and this incident makes me realised that human are so much better without these emotions. Why can't we love someone as and when we like it. Sigh...

huh? Broke Off? You only met him 2 times or so...what's there to break up?

And...you said he was furious or the sms exchanges were furious...wow...did he expect you to leave your current bf for him? This is very very bizzarre...

[kerbee10]

hello WTM...as promised to reply you here....I will not read any posting after your first post...I just read your original post..and let me share with you my simple thoughts....

Why would you want to go to the suana....whats your agenda for going..

Secondly why would you want to let this guy have a chance to convince you,and tag you to the league.

Why would you want to follow him to sentosa and hold hand...

The reasons for doing such behaviour, only you know........are you pitying him?

Are you performing ethics with your partner...lets swap places, if your partner is doing the same thing, how would you feel....

I believe you have an answer to all these quiries, just that you have not set a target for yourself, or should I say you are trying to find your answer,but you oreadi have your answer to your worries....

My stand is you are not strong enough to take on a LTR with anyone yet, you lack the focus and commitment on a single person, as you tend to eye on others,speaking this on the fact I know you from other means...so you make the choices, and you call for the shot...

cheers

[maledae]

Dear WonTonMee,

I do not believe your romance encounter is true, you just fantasy.

Regards

[Guest Guest]

huh? Broke Off? You only met him 2 times or so...what's there to break up?

And...you said he was furious or the sms exchanges were furious...wow...did he expect you to leave your current bf for him? This is very very bizzarre...

This Moustache is taking the opportunity to let off his pent up frustrations. Either that or he should enrol into Media Corp for the lead actor role (if he is as gorgeous as WonTonMee finds him to be) because he is likely to be a 情场高手 :twisted:

[travelite]

Dear WonTonMee,

I do not believe your romance encounter is true, you just fantasy.

Regards

is the 7 yrs relationship true then?

[VOCE]

Guys... if you don't believe what WTM's encounter, then need not to post anything here. Don't keep showering him with cold water. Post only when u believe in what he said is true.

My dear WTM,

since u have initiated the ending with the moutache, so i guess u still want to carry on with your relationship with your 7-year bf. Now try to make up something positive and constructive to improve the relationship.

First.... stop all the sauna

Second... Tell your bf what u need from him... time and love... and hope he can realise it.

Third... train your heart harder on resisting of other temptation.

Sometimes i do envy on those attached guy and wish i can have a chance to get attached again... and i will do all my best to treasure what i have. :oops:

[MassageFreak]

Hi WTM,

Guess you must be standing at the cross road of your relationship.

I feel that Mr Moustache is not an issue in your troubled emotion now. He appeared in your life to let you reassess and realign your current relationship with your bf. Trust me, there will be a few more other Mr Moustaches coming your way, but if you are not able to settle and see clearly where you are heading together with your bf then you will always be troubled in the future, and it is really going to get tougher. Without understanding the current situation in your relationship, you will always be toying with the idea in your head: What if I leave my current bf to go with this Mr Moustache? What if Mr Moustache is my "destiny"? What if...what if..

You have to ask yourself this question: Can I forsee myself growing old and letting this person(your current bf) take a huge space in my heart for the rest of my life?

You really have to feel it. Imagine your life without this person. Think about what you have gone through for the past 7 years. All the ups and downs, sweat and pain you have gone through together. Do you feel that this person is sincere and value your relationship too, are you sincere too?

As for how you guys conduct your own relationship, that will be the secondary issue. Sometimes, relationship comes in all forms. I do not despites how others conduct their type of relationship as long as they are comfortable with the arrangement. Be it an open relationship, close relationship. The most important is that both of you have to be mature, truthful and communciate with each other about your needs. Once both are on equal and fair footing, then it will leave all the guess work behind and you will not feel that you have to secretly lead another shameful cheating life behind his back.

That said. I really wish you all the best and have a good life with your bf.

Don't stress yourself too much ok.

Cheers

[Guest CheeCheongFun]

Hi WTM,

Guess you must be standing at the cross road of your relationship.

I feel that Mr Moustache is not an issue in your troubled emotion now. He appeared in your life to let you reassess and realign your current relationship with your bf. Trust me, there will be a few more other Mr Moustaches coming your way, but if you are not able to settle and see clearly where you are heading together with your bf then you will always be troubled in the future, and it is really going to get tougher. Without understanding the current situation in your relationship, you will always be toying with the idea in your head: What if I leave my current bf to go with this Mr Moustache? What if Mr Moustache is my "destiny"? What if...what if..

You have to ask yourself this question: Can I forsee myself growing old and letting this person(your current bf) take a huge space in my heart for the rest of my life?

You really have to feel it. Imagine your life without this person. Think about what you have gone through for the past 7 years. All the ups and downs, sweat and pain you have gone through together. Do you feel that this person is sincere and value your relationship too, are you sincere too?

As for how you guys conduct your own relationship, that will be the secondary issue. Sometimes, relationship comes in all forms. I do not despites how others conduct their type of relationship as long as they are comfortable with the arrangement. Be it an open relationship, close relationship. The most important is that both of you have to be mature, truthful and communciate with each other about your needs. Once both are on equal and fair footing, then it will leave all the guess work behind and you will not feel that you have to secretly lead another shameful cheating life behind his back.

That said. I really wish you all the best and have a good life with your bf.

Don't stress yourself too much ok.

Cheers

Indeed, this is very true and open statement.

Life is, and can be, very simple - we are the ones that make it harder. I often believe that when we move away, or depart, from a situation, what we bring along is the energy of that last situation. When the energy is filled with hate, for example, the next situation can never be a joyful one. However, when that last energy is filled with understanding and compassion, the next event that follows will just multiply.

Simply, it's like the saying 'what goes around, comes around'.

To WonTonMee:

*piak piak piak* - anyway, i admire your guts to pen your situation here. think next time, u better sex slimmer guys in sauna to avoid another sentosa lah.

you see, go sentosa and now you see stars ler! hehehe

btw, glad that you are in charge of your mind and feelings now. do take care and think straight hor.

[WonTonMee]

btw, glad that you are in charge of your mind and feelings now. do take care and think straight hor.

I am gay wor, how to think straight ah?

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their input and advices, be it good or bad. This incident indeed makes me rethink about the current situation with my bf of 7 years. Maybe I took him for granted and I admit that I am in the wrong to do those things.

Anyway I am over Mr. Moustache now. I've talked with my bf too and I am taking it one step at a time. Thanks again my virtual friends.

[Guest Guest01]

btw, glad that you are in charge of your mind and feelings now.  do take care and think straight hor.

I am gay wor, how to think straight ah?

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their input and advices, be it good or bad. This incident indeed makes me rethink about the current situation with my bf of 7 years. Maybe I took him for granted and I admit that I am in the wrong to do those things.

Anyway I am over Mr. Moustache now. I've talked with my bf too and I am taking it one step at a time. Thanks again my virtual friends.

Just wish to let you know that even some post sound harsh to you but they are for your Good, your boyfriend been with you for 7 years, not alot of people in this circle will have that long relationship, now you may feel that Mr. Moustache able to give what you miss & sweetness, problem is how long can it last?

I rather hold someone that are real, get what i mean? Just treat it as a dream, never look back, make it a new start with your boyfriend, hope you treasure what you have, learn to appreaciate, hope that you both have many many 7 years ahead

[Guest Trapped]

Anyway I am over Mr. Moustache now. I've talked with my bf too and I am taking it one step at a time. Thanks again my virtual friends.

You talked with you bf about what you did? That's a very very strong relationship if you can be open to each other about your 'misdeeds'. Treasure what you have...

[cw30]

WonTonMee, you never tell us how long you been attach, however not all guys know how to show their Love feeling by action or words, you know more about yourself what type of Love & person you looking for.

Thanks for all the advice guys, just for info, I am attached for around 7 years already. (The seven years itch maybe? )

I am not in an open relationship with my bf. I visit saunas secretly to satisfy my sexual desires. I donno why I keep doing that, seems like an addiction recently. But I need constant love and attention and my bf is always busy with his work. Maybe it's because my work is flexible and thus have more free time for me to fling around.

I know what I am doing is wrong, but looks like I think more with my dick than with my head.

Is it possible that I only maintain a friend friend relationship with this new moustache guy? I am very soft hearted and do not wish to see any parties get hurt by me. Sigh......

how do you feel if you realise that your bf had also the same encounter?

no one is to say whether u r wrong or not to visit sauna to satisfy your sexual desire (unless your bf cannot fulfill your wildest dream ). No man is perfect in this world as long as you know what you are doing and learn to control at times.

there is nothing wrong to make friend with that moustache guy, but will it be a plain friendship or fxxk Buddy? will you categorise him as one of your normal hang out friends or you wont even introduce him to your bf and your hangout friends ? :whistle:

lastly, sex in sauna is just plain sex to fulfill your senses or desires ... not a place to start off with a new relationship or friendship if you are attached !!!!

just one more .... there are lots of your type in Japan wor .... then how??

[mature40s]

Dear WonTonMee

I am very happy for you and admire your guts in talking with your bf :thumb: :clap:

I have also benefited alot from this thread especially not to take my bf for granted and to share more quality time together. We have been together for 6 years and we try to spice up and renew our relationship by going for regular short trips (2/3 days) to neighbouring countries. It is very uplifting to walk along deserted beach holding hands and gazed into each other eyes under the starry nights and culminating in passionate kisses/hugs. Somehow the environment does make a difference.

[Guest lester]

WTM, you have my respect. it is not easy to be open and honest to your bf. If he loves you, he will forgive you. We all learn a lesson or two that it is very important to be open and honest when you are in a relationship. If a relationship is going stale, should find ways, together, to add more spices to it. Short holidays is a good idea also..

Sidetrack a bit, if we frequent saunas, get into chat rooms..meeting them...etc we will have a higher percentage rate of being unfaithful to our partners...Maybe from ONS to long term "hidden" relationship etc. possible???

Guessed if you are into serious relationship best is to avoid these areas unless it is purely for making new friends..(of cause not saunas..). Hope you have a long lasting relationship..

[Guest Guest]

While everyone is seriously trying to answer WTM's question. He gave me an impression that he is taking quite easy and can be cheeky in his reply like "I am gay wor, how to think straight ah? ", (The seven years itch maybe? )".

I would say the main problem he has too much time (maybe he is not holding a perm ) that he can have time to flirt around. If both are working, chances of having time to flirt around is very limited.