Am I Am Born Looser :(

[Guest lost in love]

Am l a born loser?

This year I am already at the age of early 40, still single in my love life. Just wish to have a simple and steady relationship that is all l want. But it seem like is will not going to happen to me.

From the day when I start to walk into this circle, the longest relationship I ever had was a year plus and that was with my very first relationship with my ex. That happen in my early 20, after that I don’t have it anymore till now.

Just feel so sad for that as l don’t ask for more, just a very simple relationship only. Would like someone to love me and care for me and l will do the same back to him too. May I know is that too much to ask for?

Well I know that you all will start ask what kind of guys do you like and any commitment or not? I do like someone who is mature and older than me but I don’t mind guys who at the same age as me. As long as we can share our high and low moment together and we don’t have to stay together cause I don’t believe that tie up someone is not a good thing to do in now a day. As everyone wants freedom but freedom with some limit which I think it should be alright.

Could anyone outside there give me some advices? Just feel so sad and a little bit of depression.

[GachiMuchi]

Before you start a relationship, you should get your depression looked into. Otherwise, should the relationship fail, it only make you feel worst and may even lead you to kill yourself.

Personally, I don't feel you are ready for a relationship.

Here are some numbers you can contact and get your mind in order first before you even talk about going into a relationship.

http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=2752

[Rotaredom]

Am l a born loser?

This year I am already at the age of early 40, still single in my love life. Just wish to have a simple and steady relationship that is all l want. But it seem like is will not going to happen to me.

Could anyone outside there give me some advices? Just feel so sad and a little bit of depression.

Yes, u are a loser. Let me feel your pulse....hmmm...hmmm...yr emo is getting on your nerve huh...and yup...you are depressed!.But dun worry bro, most of us here are pretty much the same .. jus let dust settle abit and things will be okie again...before the next wave comes of course.... Welcome to this world..Come on HOLLAND...

[evianguy]

Am l a born loser?

This year I am already at the age of early 40, still single in my love life. Just wish to have a simple and steady relationship that is all l want. But it seem like is will not going to happen to me.

From the day when I start to walk into this circle, the longest relationship I ever had was a year plus and that was with my very first relationship with my ex. That happen in my early 20, after that I don’t have it anymore till now.

Just feel so sad for that as l don’t ask for more, just a very simple relationship only. Would like someone to love me and care for me and l will do the same back to him too. May I know is that too much to ask for?

Well I know that you all will start ask what kind of guys do you like and any commitment or not? I do like someone who is mature and older than me but I don’t mind guys who at the same age as me. As long as we can share our high and low moment together and we don’t have to stay together cause I don’t believe that tie up someone is not a good thing to do in now a day. As everyone wants freedom but freedom with some limit which I think it should be alright.

Could anyone outside there give me some advices? Just feel so sad and a little bit of depression.

Enjoy your singlehood with your good friends and family. We have a finite amount of time, make it count. Live the life that you have now and not the life that you wish you had (just remember that every minute spent depressed is a minute that you cannot recover).

Enjoy (and give thanks for) what you have and do not feel sad for what you do not (or do not yet ) have.

[Guest lost in love]

thanks my friends

thanks again for your advice but it do take time to heal the pain. But just don't know why this happen to me.

l am tired of that just wish to settle down myself and wish that could spend my life with him that all.(very sad)

[snowball]

thanks again for your advice but it do take time to heal the pain. But just don't know why this happen to me.

if you have no confident in your life, then you are born loser.

the simple love that you are asking, is it really that simple?

you are not the only one that over 40 not attach & still single,

so why worry & keep nagging?

do you ever try to know & understand yourself before?

a fail relationship mostly won't be just a person fault,

we don't even know you, so don't know your characters,

look " within ", maybe you will have the answer.

once your attitude change, your life will be change too.

http://www.poohh.com/index.php/Love/why-love-relationships-fail.html

http://www.stbotanica.in/blog/why-relationships-fail/

http://relationshipsolver.com/why-relationships-fail/

Edited June 28, 2010 by snowball

[passinthenight]

Maybe it's time you had a holiday?

We all get down in the dumps.

Who knows?, you might meet someone nice. :thumb:

[Guest slinkYcaT]

Am l a born loser?

This year I am already at the age of early 40, still single in my love life. Just wish to have a simple and steady relationship that is all l want. But it seem like is will not going to happen to me.

From the day when I start to walk into this circle, the longest relationship I ever had was a year plus and that was with my very first relationship with my ex. That happen in my early 20, after that I don’t have it anymore till now.

Just feel so sad for that as l don’t ask for more, just a very simple relationship only. Would like someone to love me and care for me and l will do the same back to him too. May I know is that too much to ask for?

Well I know that you all will start ask what kind of guys do you like and any commitment or not? I do like someone who is mature and older than me but I don’t mind guys who at the same age as me. As long as we can share our high and low moment together and we don’t have to stay together cause I don’t believe that tie up someone is not a good thing to do in now a day. As everyone wants freedom but freedom with some limit which I think it should be alright.

Could anyone outside there give me some advices? Just feel so sad and a little bit of depression.

It sucks to know that your biological clock is ticking and that your last relationship was like a decade ago, but hey - i think you are wayyy too hard on yourself here. So what if you are 40 and with nobody? That doesn't make you a loser. It merely means that you are somewhat a loner perhaps.

It's understandable to have the occasional bouts of sadness and loneliness - as long as it doesn't spiral into downright depression. I am no guru on love, but my advice to you? Take it easy. If it comes, it comes. If not, so be it. Life still has to go on.

Sometimes it's better to be alone for the right reasons than being with someone for the wrong ones.

xoxo.

[briax]

Hi there,

I think everyone wants a simple and long lasting relationship... Like all fairy tales, the prince and princess lived happily ever after. No one dare to write anything after marriage in fairy tales cos it is never simple.

To be really frank, there is nothing simple in any relationship. Being a counsellor myself, I do seek opinions and sometimes professional help to sort things out in my head and about my relationships with people, including my partner. Of course, being a little more self conscious because of my own experiences, I tended to be able to maintain my thoughts and emotions better. But there will be times I slipped.

Being with someone is about learning and adapting to how that person lived his life for past 20 or 30 years. It is often a clash of two different cultures, values, behaviours and sometimes in a gay relationship, disparity in own comfort level in sexuality. There is a lot of work to be done, almost like a full time job. Ideally everyone should practice open communication in a relationship but that takes a lot of patience and learning. This can take as long as your relationship lasts. Unfortunately, a lot of us, whether it is because in Singapore context, there is no legal binding for a gay relationship, we part easily. Or we simply do not want to cope with stresses and jump ship at the first instance.

You also need to look into the motivation of getting in a relationship. Are you looking for someone to give your love so that you feel complete? Or you are looking for someone to complete your life? Or is it is going to be balanced one? There is no fixed rule in anything but if you are looking for someone to complete your life, you are probably going to hit a wall. A relationship is about two complete person coming together, maintaining their whole self while enhancing each other lives. So if you are not having a good relationship with yourself, it will be very hard for someone else to be in a relationship with you.

Strange as it may sound, some times when you tried too hard, you give out the wrong energy and that does not attract people to you. Place yourself in places to show you are available, but do not hard sell. It is a bit like an unemployed person looking for a job, cast your net wide but go for interviews with a open mind. If there is no interview, do not just sit at home and get frustrated. Find something to do, get yourself involved in some stuff you liked. Just dun isolate yourself.

Expand your social circle, get to know more people and do not just think about getting into a romantic relationship. Anyone whom you are not interested in, may be the person that connects you to your real love. I know my partner through a straight female classmate, so you might not even need to just hang out in gay clubs, pubs or saunas or use online dating. Again like seeking a job, the chance of finding a right fit is higher if someone make a referral or do a bit of match making. That might sound ancient but match making sometimes work.

Life stage is far more important than age, in my opinion, age does not mean anything. You can be dating someone ten years apart but if life stages meet, then the chance of this working out is higher. Being 40 does not mean you are running out of time. We know that Singapore gay scene is a little focused on youth, but life goes on after 30 or 40. Accentuate what you can give and not what you dun have.

But most important thing you need to do, is to have a proper closure of that relationship you had ten years ago. Because you did not reveal much, I cannot comment more. For what you know, you might have been grieving for ten years and longing for that same love you had.

GachiMuchi has listed our OCMSM Hotline in his reply. You might want to give us a call on 62686626 (Tue, Wed, Thu 7 to 10pm or Sat 2 to 6pm). If you need to talk, we have counsellors who can explore your concerns at a reasonable fee.

hugs...Bryan

Edited June 28, 2010 by GachiMuchi

[Guest lost in love]

hello guys,

thanks for all your advices.

at least, i am able to know how to walk in the correct path in my life.

it is nice to know you guys from here.

anyway thanks again for the sharing and i am happy and touch by all yours help.

take care and have a nice day.

cheers

[Guest fab]

Not at all.

Love is akin to chasing after butterfly. The more chase the more it will fly away. On the other hand, when you least expect it, it will land on you.

So, let nature takes it course.

[Guest bearded1]

Am l a born loser?

This year I am already at the age of early 40, still single in my love life. Just wish to have a simple and steady relationship that is all l want. But it seem like is will not going to happen to me.

From the day when I start to walk into this circle, the longest relationship I ever had was a year plus and that was with my very first relationship with my ex. That happen in my early 20, after that I don’t have it anymore till now.

Just feel so sad for that as l don’t ask for more, just a very simple relationship only. Would like someone to love me and care for me and l will do the same back to him too. May I know is that too much to ask for?

Well I know that you all will start ask what kind of guys do you like and any commitment or not? I do like someone who is mature and older than me but I don’t mind guys who at the same age as me. As long as we can share our high and low moment together and we don’t have to stay together cause I don’t believe that tie up someone is not a good thing to do in now a day. As everyone wants freedom but freedom with some limit which I think it should be alright.

Could anyone outside there give me some advices? Just feel so sad and a little bit of depression.

No of course you are not a born loser. For that you would probably be English!!

[Guest lost in love]

No of course you are not a born loser. For that you would probably be English!!

hi

thanks for that.

but don't really get what is the meaning of this "For that you would probably be English!!" ?

[Guest rahrahahah]

If you are a human, you are not a loser. Remember those times you swim and compete with millions of sperms and eventually won the race by getting into the ovaries first? You are a champion.

[Guest Hehe]

If you are a human, you are not a loser. Remember those times you swim and compete with millions of sperms and eventually won the race by getting into the ovaries first? You are a champion.

Is it a gay sperm?

[Guest Guest]

r u ugly or sissy? maybe thats why u are still single.

[Guest Guest]

there is no such thing as a simple relationship, if you can sacrifice ur time and money for him, probably it may last longer, but of course it also takes understanding and respect [ie freedom] to make relationships work. i am a young guy, had so many relationships shortest lasting 2 years, me and a married guy 61yo, still going strong now into 8 years, he does not live with me, in fact he is not living in singapore, well he sacrifices a lot for me and i still love him, we have sex but not as frequent as last time, and he knows i have many friends not just in singapore, i have a 1 year relationship with another guy and about 6 months relationship with another old man, my dilemma is the opposite, i just can't say no cause they all love me in fact 2 of them sms me everyday asking me how i am, i am no hunk, just a pleasant guy, probably ATTITUDE does count cause i respect old people.

[Mandrake]

It has to start with loving yourself.

No one can love you if you don't love yourself.

If you don't find yourself lovable... others will soon find out why.

Self-respect is a very important thing.

You must gain your own self-respect by keeping your actions true to your words and your heart.

If you respect and love yourself, you don't need the validation of others.

When you gain power in that area, you will then become a source of support for many others and naturally, they will come to you.

Many people think that using lies can help them accomplish much.

But ultimately, they can't lie to themselves.

[Guest vadim]

hi ... my name is vadim and i am 23 y.o from Moldova... i am looking for ltr

if u r intrested, contact me... vadimas2006@gmail.com

[seawind]

From one loser to the next loser in Love.

I don't have it easy too man.

I am not tall, 1.63m, been openly rejected, because I am not slim fit, or stocky or chub.

Not well downed like a horse. A "grower" not a "show er" even growth is like from 3 to 4.5.

Still , I dint gave up seeking.

Now on my way to seek revenge on those who rejected me by working hard on my body and get a nice muscular build.

Maybe an operation to my penis to enlarge, break my legs to be tall, go for Botox, waxing.

So u think u have it worse?

People like me, had 11 out of 10 rejecting me.

Can I even find the confident to stand up.

So I work hard and get promotion, get rich.

U had it better than me.

[Guest guest]

r u ugly or sissy? maybe thats why u are still single.

Some handsome macho guys like sissy. Some gorgeous handome guys like ugly. Different people different taste.

[Guest bearded1]

hi

thanks for that.

but don't really get what is the meaning of this "For that you would probably be English!!" ?

Sorry - it was a joke that referred to England being knocked out of the World Cup (again). Meaning they might be losers but you are not necessarily so.

No offence meant.

[Guest lost in love]

hello guys,

thank you very much for all your advices and encouragemnent.

at least now l know l am not alone in this world as l still have you guys around me and advice me. That is really a great helping that you all show. even we don't know each other but you guys are willing to share your feeling.

guys thanks again.

cheers