What Would You Do? - Sharing Financial Portfolio in Relationship

[Guest KayPoh]

Relationship is about two people tying into a commitment. The first few months, say less than 3 months, would be a period of knowing-me-knowing-you. During this time, those two people undergo a period to accustom personalities, behaviours, habits and the likes.

Here, I have a perculiar situation and by no means, this question is about to degrade any individuals. The situation evolves around two independent and matured adults, in their 40s, and just starting out a relationship - two individuals that never met/known each other before.

I often have a notion that, since the relationship has just started, there are many things that are in the process of being shared. The last thing that should come into play would be money. Personally, a shared financial benefits/burdens should only surface when the relationship has gone into a period of 'acceptance' between the two guys.

I am not referring to the act of who wants to buy the meal; who wants to give the gold chain; who wants to bill the holiday plans; who wants to pay for the petrol/taxi fare. Specifically, it is about one party taking advantage of the other over larger financial portfolio.

It would be interesting to hear other opinions on this subject. Or am I the only one that think that sharing of financial portfolio should be the last thing when building a relationship?

Cheers!

[Guest guess]

who wants to give the gold chain

thats kind of orh biang rite?

:smokin:

[kerbee10]

Heard before the song by spice girls...2 become 1

Relationship in mathematical forumula: 2 = 1

What is yours is now part of the other...vice versa...

[Nice-36]

As much as 2 have become one, both are still basically distinct entities in their own rights with distinct personalities and own minds.

I m a strong believer that $$ is the main cause of tension between people, regardless of ages, sex or even blood ties. As such, it is best to keep the all big financial portfolio separate.

As a rule, almost anything can be shared, but avoid any dealings in $$ between frds or even as a couple.

[clark]

$$ is the main cause of tension between people, regardless of ages, sex or even blood ties.

agreed !!!

[mature40s]

I agree that money is a very tricky issue which has caused the breakup of families and friends. Assuming that both of you are of equal financial status (i.e. earning roughly the same salary), you can both contribute an equal amount of money per month into a pool which will be used for shared activities such as holidays, eating out etc. This is just a suggestion.

[Guest Wonderer]

Before you want to talk about financal portfolio........

this is just MY personal opinion, go on a short trip with the other party if you can before you want to get serious with that person. My personal experience, you wil know the habits and behaviour of your partner better when you travel and live in the same room and spend enough time to know the other party.

True colours will surface (moods, attitudes, habits)......you decide later whether you want to carry on with the relationship or not.

Evertyhing will be nice when you know each other at the beginning because you are interested in that person. Until you know him better, you may get to see the true colours.....been there and done that....What happen later? Somenoe who is NOT worth waiting for....move on

[oralb]

the nice part about life is that no one individual is exactly the same as the others.

while some might feel $$$ shouldnt come into the picture, but the partner maybe those who value security, and that includes financial security.

put it this way, gay couples will have a family of their own (i meant kids) to fall back on when they are old (i know there are always the discussion on whether kids will take care of their parents, but for the sake of simplicity, i assume the kids WILL.) hence they need to save enough to ensure that when they are older, they can enjoy their retirement.

what i am saying is, some guys places financial security as one of the evaluation critera.

i can also think of another reason, using the same analogy of everyone is different, hence how long the evaluation period differs among people as well. so that guy may have already decided, much earlier than you, you as the partner and moved on to the next stage to plan for the future.

[Guest KayPoh]

Heard before the song by spice girls...2 become 1

Relationship in mathematical forumula: 2 = 1

What is yours is now part of the other...vice versa...

I would agree to this formulae if the relationship has gone into a period of "acceptance" - that would be a situation of shared responsibilities with a common goal. However, whilst it usually takes a longer period for one to really know another, a short stint into a relationship should not have money as top negotiable priority.

It would be different when an individual has already mentally psyched himself to be financially superior, acting as 'sugar daddy'. Personally, it is fine when someone older is into younger guys to take this role. But for two adults, both almost same age and professionally adequate, to indulge in imbalance of shared finances, I just feel something is not rationally right particularly when they are just starting on a relationship.

Cheers!

[oralb]

dear, there is nothing right or wrong in a relationship, it is more of give and take.

even if both are of equal status, as long as one if willing to give and the other is willing to accept, the relation will still work.

[cw30]

there is no time limit in knowing a person best ... you cannot said that after 3 months you will know the person well from head to toe ... at least physically you know but not deep inside him unless he is VERY VERY open in his character and personality

when come to $$, dont mix them together .. dont expect something in return if one is to offer $$$ ... it should be out of his willingness to offer or share $$$.. but of cos as a couple staying together, it should be make known unless the financial gap is huge between 2 ppl.

[Guest lester]

I kindof agreed with oral B, it takes two to clap. If one agrees to provide the money and the other is willing to accept, relationship can still go on. Some people uses money to show love..etc even if boh are financially comparable.

During the "trial" period, it will be quite easy to find out from each others if both are honest enough to explore. Worst is both sides would want to show their best behaviours and masked the bad portion inorder to impress. This kind will not last like they said in chinese " paper canno wrap/contain fire"

[bearlova]

I think that firstly, 3 months is rather too short a period to get to know the each other and secondly, in a relationship, irrespective of how much each earns, each should be financially independent of the other. Gifts and treats aside, I agree that with the suggestion perhaps a common fund could be set up to take care of entertainment and other expenses. I always believe that each of us being abled body persons shouldn't rely (or even expect ) on hand-outs even if the other is willing, we should some self respect and dignity...

[mature40s]

I forgot to add that the common fund suggestion is widely practised by straight courting couples. More often than not, both parties are professionals.

[TopChinese]

What happens if you're not professionals? And two parties are of different financial standings?

If one ah beng falls in love with an ah long, will ah long contemplate entering into a meaningful co-dependent and monogamous relationship with the ah beng, sharing all of his ah long money and gold rolex with ah beng? How would ah beng feel about all the ah long paying for all their KTV outings or the hospital bill when ah beng kana handam by some bitchy ah qua while collecting his debts at changi village? Or would Ah Beng settle losing his tattoos and masculinity by becoming a tai tai like David Gan?

Anyway, only Singaporeans will talk about money and HBD flats 3 months into dating. Others will still be enjoying the f**king bit.

[oralb]

we are kia to the core

- kiasu afraid to loss

- kiasee afraid to die

- kiabou afraid to not having