What Went Into The Making Of A Dirty Old Man?

[Mercutio]

Let's face it, all over the world, gay communities are ageist, glorifying youth and vilifying the senior. Yet even those against ageism recognize and for the most part recoil from that most unsavoury of archetypes: the Dirty Old Man.

With variants, the DOM, as sometimes referred, is a bugbear of both straight and gay society. Caricatured to the point of a fairytale ogre: unpleasant of appearance, unfeeling of his victims, and possessed of an insatiable appetite for nubile young things, the DOM is alleged to lurk in saunas and public toilets, behind the darkened windows of some slowly cruising car, or to throw lavish parties where he pops Dormicum in drinks, so as to achieve the objects of his lust. Averred to be guilty of such sins as objectification, intemperance, deceit, molest, bribery, entrapment, and in the most extreme cases rape, the DOM is frequently a figure of fun or for despise, never for understanding.

The reality is that every DOM was 20 years old once, and no 20 year old has aspirations to become a DOM. With no intention to demean, generalize or stereotype, I'm curious if there are common traits or experiences that may lead to a greater likelihood of one behaving like a DOM in later life. Among the DOMs (or DOM-like) that you know of, did the majority come to sexual awakening late in life, for example? Were they ugly ducklings all the way or fallen prince charmings? Mercutio wants to know!

[Guest dsd]

very disrespectful to seniors.

[Mercutio]

very disrespectful to seniors.

Oh please. I know my writing style is florid, but do use a dictionary when you come across words you don't know. I've nowhere said that all older gay men are DOMs.

Moving along.

[Guest theOthertruth]

I just feel sorry for them.

"The reality is that every DOM was 20 years old once, and no 20 year old has aspirations to become a DOM"

This hits the nail right through the coffin.

I think it's really up to how one carries himself and his destiny, and whether is one fortunate enough to find a partner for life.

[SeannyShortcake]

A dull mind and an unsteady hand.

There you go,essential ingredients that go into the making of a "Dirty Old Man".

Not in any way affiliated with the DOMS of S&M whom are awesum and ever glorified sexually.

Amen.

[Guest dirty young man]

Does the word "dirty" in "dirty old man" come about because many people associate sex with dirtiness? Why not use the term "sexually active old man" or "old man with high sexual drive"?

and how come we seldom use a term like "dirty young man"?

[Guest middle aged]

because sadly, society... besides being sexist, is also ageist.

youth is prized in society, so it can never be dirty.

old = used, unwanted, weathered = dirty

also I think dirty old man is not the same as old man with high sex drive.

molestation and perversion are not necessarily associated with the latter.

the "dirty" description also came about probably because of the perverted acts associated with such "DOMs"...

but back to the question,

I think a DOM can be both "fallen prince charming" or "ugly duckling all the way"...but IMHO the acting out of DOM has a lot to do with desperation, the need to reach out and connect. When you are not "valued" or "hot in demand", you just have to resort to ways you can to get your kicks. Sort of like "survival instincts".

[Guest Middle-age man]

Why "Old Man" is dirty? If a young man has a lustful look at you or anyhow touched you in the sauna, do you call him DIRTY young man (DYM)? If you like to be molested by an older man, do you still call him DOM? This term DOM is a politically wrong, just like someone called gays as "Ah Kua".

Also, some 小妹妹 think they're Princess, even if you have accidental eye-contacted with them in the public transport, they will "over-turned" their eyes. Usually, I will stick up my middle finger into their face. I am not a DOM, I am a Princess Basher !

[Guest MercutioKnows]

Mercutio wants to know!

LOL, it rhymes!

[Guest DOM]

Every 20 years old young guy today, will eventually grow old... become... 30, then 40, then 50, then 60.... possibly into a DOM himself.

You just wait.... for your turn to cum! :twisted:

So what makes a DOM ? A young, handsome, energetic, cute boy! Which is essentially the same person actually!

[Mercutio]

Interesting.

I agree the term is ageist and discriminatory: we have DOMs but no DYMs (dirty young men), at least in terms of terminology. But any thoughts as to why that might be the case? Is it because the "victims" of DYM are more willing? Or is it because we expect the more senior members to be able to exercise more restraint and control over their passions?

And as a spanner into the works: the "issue", if such it is, exists because the alleged "DOMs" are said to go after PYTs (pretty young things). In other words, the DOMs themselves crave and glorify the "beauty" of youth and don't seem to put much store in the "beauty" of older men. If this is the case, then aren't the DOMs themselves guilty of ageism?

[sohorny]

some DOM really deserved to be called DOM because of their lack of self respect.

[Guest Guest]

DOMs could once be singles who were looking for their perfect BFs.

Year after year, they thought they were going to have a BF next year.

Before they knew it, they had lost their youthfulness.

When they realised that their perfect BFs will never come, they started lusting for young, tender flesh they once had.

Just make merry and taking advantage of the ignorance of youths are the ways of their lives.

They are trying to make up for lost time.

How many of you reading this will end up like them?

[janth]

OH GOD I HOPE I DON'T END UP LIKE ONE. (sorry DOMen, but really do feel so)

Definitely the waiting for a perfect partner plays a huge part, in my opinion. I'm still quite young, so I can't speak for anyone more senior. However, it seems logical that the idea of waiting for the perfect partner for a large part of your life and not finding one can be like an eternal mindfxxk. Perhaps because their expectations have never changed, i.e still seeking cute young things or maybe hot tight hunks, even as they themselves transform from what they seek into a similar manifestation of their nightmares. As such, it would be possible that an OM may start to get desperate, knowing that the market for OM is actually way smaller, and when they roll out of the meat market they just let loose?

[GachiMuchi]

So, what makes a DOM? In fact anyone can be a DOM. So long as you are an older person preying on younger victim, you are considered as a DOM. A DOM can be your relative, your neighbour, friend, stranger, etc. Usually the victim of DOM are younger innocent victims whom are not mature and or younger men whom are not sure of their sexuality, etc.

Most of the time, the DOM hunts the victim, they usually prey on the young. But then there are cases where the "victims" whom are curious and or confused that "allows" the sexual act to be done on them. Fear and curiosity and maybe even the sensation of the act makes them confused. The confusion arises when our logic tells us to 'run', but our body is telling us it's 'nice' and the heart tells us it's 'wrong'.

Being a victim of DOM when I was very young (around 10+), The DOM of my times in the 70s are men whom have no other avenues for sex, except looking for sex in the toilet, swimming pool or amusement park, etc.

With sex readily available nowadays as people are more open, compared to the past, most of these DOM may switched from the traditional places to looking for sex from the internet as people becomes more tech savvy. I believe that cases of sexual grooming and online harassment may be more rampant in the future.

[Guest matured]

There are no DOM, only have lazy old man.

Speaking as a 50+yo, I can say that it takes a little effort to exercise and also groom oneself. Keeps one's body fit and no tummy is not difficult. Go to sauna don't just look for sex, the steam and hot pool will keep one's skin smooth and supple. When you have it, flaunt it, matured does not mean unattractive if you know how to use your matured charms. Men from young to old will be attracted to you.

Those DOM deserve what they are called because they simply do not have the discipline to live a healthy life. THEY look shabby, untidy, dirty, big tummy because they choose to be lazy.

[SeannyShortcake]

It's simple.

Older men who are hotter are called mature hunks.

Anything else,we call them DOM.

[Guest matured]

It's simple.

Older men who are hotter are called mature hunks.

Anything else,we call them DOM.

We don't need to be labelled as hunk when we are 50+yo. That again is a youth oriented word.

Matured, sophisticated, charming, dashing, debonair, executive, dominating, intelligent, wise, handsome, fatherly, ....there are plenty to make us stand out from the crowd.

[Guest Pathetic]

I am apalled at such label or naming. How about the young ones 20s to 40s who are equally dirty, unwanted, etc who resort to their survival instincts to prey on others ?

[snowball]

DOM or " innocent " young virgin, does it really matter? if you look good and hot, you will still have market value, else even you are 18, you mostly unwanted by most, true?

[Guest Passingthru]

What Went Into The Making Of A Dirty Old Man?

Societal norms and perceptios of what elderly people should be and how they should be behaving and what they should be wanting/needing.

[OrangeCat]

What went to the making of a DOM? Sugar, spice and everything nice...

Kidding. But I think some of the replies have nailed it. I'd think it's loneliness. It is the hunk that gets the attention; I know I would give them a second glance. I'm assuming that with those sexual contact, some human touch is exchanged. They, like the rest of the world, would have a need to be loved and cared for. It's just that majority of us would overlook them.

some DOM really deserved to be called DOM because of their lack of self respect.

I don't think they would choose to degrade themselves like that, do you? There must be more to it. Perhaps they see it as the way to get the attention they are getting. When the time does come, and we are one of those DOM, surely to say we deserve it would have been rather hurtful, no?

[Mercutio]

What went to the making of a DOM? Sugar, spice and everything nice...

Even if that were true, the trouble is, as Ms. Turner¹ so aptly puts it: we never do anything nice ... and easy; we only do it nice ... and rough.

Speaking of rough, I'm reminded suddenly of another thread on this forum, entitled "How to Say No in a Sauna": http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=27163&st=0

If we accept that anyone can end up a DOM, given lack of discipline which leads to poor self-upkeep which leads to lack of sexual contact which leads to acts of desperation, I'd throw one more factor in. I think it's the ones described in the thread I've just provided a link to, the ones who refuse to take 'no' for an answer, who show no respect in saunas and try forcibly to drag you into a room, that have the last necessary trait for the evolution of a DOM. Because while not impossible, I feel it more improbable that someone who's been a retiring wallflower his whole life can suddenly change tricks and become the Scary Uncle with the Blank Stare and Octopus Hands.

So, if you know someone who's the grabby "I'll teach you for parading around, who's the real man now, slut" sort, you might unknowingly know a DYM en route to DOMdom (sorry, I've just been dying to use that).

¹ Tina, not Lana. By the way, I always thought that song was about weed. You know, what with "rolling on the river" and "Proud Mary keep on burning".

[Guest theOthertruth]

It's simple.

Older men who are hotter are called mature hunks.

Anything else,we call them DOM.

Total disagreement with these statements. That's over-generalizing. There are Other Mature men ( not just referring to gays) who do not fit the society's mould of physical attractiveness but are genteel ,self-disciplined with great personalities, and are not sex-crazy.

When we get older, everything comes off eventually. If one only latches on to someone purely for physical looks, then what is going to happen years down the road ?

Edited December 13, 2011 by theOthertruth