What To Do With Bf Unwilling To Do A Test?

[Guest HIV-]

Hi

Have been attached to a guy for a yr and I have done a HIV test recently but was surprised when my bf refused to do the same. He replied was that what if he tested positive, I will definitely leave him.

I was disappointed with his reply and started to feel unsafe having sex with him. Also puzzle how he could be positive if indeed he only have sex with me only (as what he always said).

Should I leave him or should I insist he do a test?

[fisherman]

talk to him again and explain to him again. i m sure if he really love u he will listen to you, but first of all hear what say and then decide for yourself.

[oralb]

protect yourself, if you are having unprotected sex, choose to have protected ones from now on.

if he ask, just simply tell him that you never know as he didnt go for a test

[Guest Guest]

I think an open communication is important. Choose a time when he is ready to talk. He has already revealed the fear of being positive and losing you. The question now is YOU. How would you react if he is postive? You have to explore yourself seriously. Are you ready to stand by him? There is a tendency for you to judge him for his infidielity which may lead to hurts and eventually separation.

If you have a big heart, then give him the reassurance that you will stay with him but whether he will stop flirting around is another sticky issue you have to bear.

[Guest Guest]

Oops forget to log-in as the guest.

[Guest Guest]

Just do JO lah or simply use condom if have anal sex.

[reflection]

Wat about you telling him that he will lose you if he refuses to go for a test....Tell him this is something to do with responsibility. And tell him that being HIV positive now is not a fatal thing compared with years ago. This is also a test to see whether he is afraid of losing you.

[Guest Guest_guest]

HIV, if you are having a monogamous relationship with your current b/f for over a year I don't see the need of a HIV test.Your b/f should be offended if he is faithful to you and you insist he should take the test.

[reflection]

HIV, if you are having a monogamous relationship with your current b/f for over a year I don't see the need of a HIV test.Your b/f should be offended if he is faithful to you and you insist he should take the test.

The problem with many couples is not doing a pre-STI/HIV test before they become stable partners. Assuming that both of them claim to be monogamous, it is still a responsible thing to go for a check-up because there is a possibility of catching a HIV/STI from the previous encounters. There are real incidents of guys being infected by their regular BF (who has caught the disease previously unknowingly).

Hence, I would recommend any couple to do a test before jumping into a relationship. It s a sense of responsibility for both parties. And I salute to couples who go for check-up together.

[Guest Guest]

after 1 year of relationship,HIV- decided to take the test ! the most obvious reason is that both of them must be fooling around.Why continue the relationship and moreover want to go for test STOP bluffing yourself wow piang!!

[reflection]

after 1 year of relationship,HIV- decided to take the test ! the most obvious reason is that both of them must be fooling around.Why continue the relationship and moreover want to go for test STOP bluffing yourself wow piang!!

Well, if it is an open relationship, then I close my case

If HIV is monogamous and his BF is a cheater, then such issue needs to be addressed seriously.

Prevention is better than cure..

[azuchan]

It doesn't matter if it's a monogamous relationship, or an open one. HIV test results may not reflect infection until after 6 months, so it's safer to go for the test even after a year. Who knows where he's been before you guys decide on a monogamous relationship.

If you guys have been 100% monogamous and have gone for the test together at least 6 months before committing to each other, then I'd say it's up to you if you want to push your partner to do the test. If you guys have not, then go for the test together. And always play safe. It's the responsible thing to do.

[Guest Guest_guest]

reflection you are missing the point.why after 1 yr then go for test and not as you said earlier do it before the start of the relationship.Is it because HIV- is more committed now than before and want his b/f to commit but his b/f is not so hot about him so refuse to go for test (in another word don't want the relationship anymore).

[oralb]

maybe we are missing an impt point; does the bf knows the procedure of the test?

maybe he thought that he needed to register and go through a lot of hassle.

in fact the screening test can be done within 1 hour and he can do it quietly.

why dun HIV asked him to go for the screening, and let the bf decided whether to tell him the results?

[Guest HIV-]

Hi All

Thanks for all the useful advice. Again, there are 2 schools of thought, but I incline towards "reflection" & "azuchan" and those raised the issue of responsibility.

Most likely I will have to insist he do the test else distant myself from him. Afterall, he refusal to do test is based on worry me leaving him if he had a +ve result.

He is well informed of the HIV procedure as he read alot, so the doubt from OralB is not an issue.

[Guest Guest]

if you are the omly one he had sex with, and you are HIV-, whats the risk involved getting tested, or being HIV+ unless he got it by other means such as transfusions, blah blah,,,,

test and no regrets

will you leave him if he is HIV+?

[GachiMuchi]

You can't force someone to take a test, any test for that matter. They have their rights to want or refuse a test. I think your only choice now is to let him know that you are disappointed and you are consider ending the relationship because it is obvious that he is either "guilty" (means he may be HIV+) or he is in denial (refuse to knows the result, as he may have been practicing unsafe sex).

I remember I was having mixed emotions when I did my very 1st HIV test many many years ago. Had to wait 1 week before the results came out. When I was told I was -ve, I was very happy as if a stone have been dropped.

Well, I recently did my 1st self test with the kit I bought from 17. It was really interesting to see the blood flowing slowing from one side of the bar to the other side after dripping a droplet into the reservoir of the plastic tab. The result was known in less than 10 mins. I am glad that the results showed that I am -ve. I quickly sms my friends the result. It is like striking 4D.

[Guest Guest]

If he refuse means something could be fishy....

Can tell him you will leave him if he don't go for test. He would if he really care about you.

Your health is most important!! if you are still HIV-, you better want to stay it that way.

[reflection]

reflection you are missing the point.why after 1 yr then go for test and not as you said earlier do it before the start of the relationship.Is it because HIV- is more committed now than before and want his b/f to commit but his b/f is not so hot about him so refuse to go for test (in another word don't want the relationship anymore).

It is not as simple as you think. Many dates dont discuss about pre-marital tests when they meet and often have sex like lightning, especially in gay relationship. Even if the relationship stabilizes, such issue may not be a popular topic to be discussed especially if both of them have the anxiety and fears or thought that they are 'clean' and so why bother?

It is a good and courageous thing HIV decides to do a test for some reasons. Hence, I dont think I miss any point. Everyone has his past but it takes courage to do a test.

[Guest HIV-]

This is not an easy answer to repy (i.e. if he is +ve will I still want him?) but what I want is to avoid being infected by him. Moreover our so called relation is very much limited to sex only rather than persoal life. If I need to live my own personal life then relying o him, look like no point risk being infected by him unless he carry out the test.

[reflection]

This is not an easy answer to repy (i.e. if he is +ve will I still want him?) but what I want is to avoid being infected by him. Moreover our so called relation is very much limited to sex only rather than persoal life. If I need to live my own personal life then relying o him, look like no point risk being infected by him unless he carry out the test.

Only you have the answer to your relationship brother. If you feel it is based on sex, and very little love, then it has become meaningless. I have known of couples where one is HIV+ but the other is not and they still stick to each other because of true love.

Hope this event has helped you to mature. Regards.

[Guest March]

I can understand the need for a test, and we must all do it - not for others but for ourselves. And it is not only a one time thing, but we need to re-test every couple of years.

However, there are amongst us that's afraid to confront the unknown. We should not judge them unless that individual has been known for his promiscuity and not practising safe sex. Most of us know what we are doing and would decide for the best.

In your case, I am actually quite puzzled at your insistent ultimatum. Yes, I may be shooting the wrong bullet to judge you but after a year of being together, it just not fair should you just walk off. There must be some doubts somewhere.

Having doubts in a relationship is not healthy. It can never bring two people closer.

I guess you have to make the call. Accept him, and at the same time hope that he will change his mind. At least, get him to share with you the reason. For now, I believe that he believes he is 'clean'.

Or, if your doubt is unbearable, it is best that you start thinking about your life, your needs seriously.

[Guest Guest]

Hi March

I will say it is more like a year of sex relation then a true attached relationship per said. I am always seeking a true relation but somehow he only have time for sex with me and nothing else. This is very frustrating for me. Again, is it too demanding to ask for soical companion and sharing in addition to regular sex in a relation? In any case, this forum is useful to help me make up my mind, whether fair or not to walk away from him. I hv decided to part with him after all we are in a sex relationship only, thus no point take undue risk.

HIV-

[Guest Guest]

If he refuse means something could be fishy....

Can tell him you will leave him if he don't go for test. He would if he really care about you.

Your health is most important!! if you are still HIV-, you better want to stay it that way.

refused to take test does not mean fishy. it could be that he may not be able to accept the truth if the past haunts him. Most of us have ONS when we are single. its quite common. and once we are into LTR, we may still be afraid or wondering if we may have HIV from the past partners.

dont force a person to take a test. consequence is that if the person is found positive, he may not be ready for it and may cause more stress and depress. sometimes being ignorant is better.

i have done by test w my bf of 3.5 yrs and i m glad i have lay down the stone. recently he brought an insurance and the clinic tested his blood for HIV without permission and he is negative lucky.

[Guest Guest]

If he refuse means something could be fishy....

Can tell him you will leave him if he don't go for test. He would if he really care about you.

Your health is most important!! if you are still HIV-, you better want to stay it that way.

refused to take test does not mean fishy. it could be that he may not be able to accept the truth if the past haunts him. Most of us have ONS when we are single. its quite common. and once we are into LTR, we may still be afraid or wondering if we may have HIV from the past partners.

.

Not going for a test means living in denial and being selfish... <*period*>

[Guest Guest]

If he refuse means something could be fishy....

Can tell him you will leave him if he don't go for test. He would if he really care about you.

Your health is most important!! if you are still HIV-, you better want to stay it that way.

refused to take test does not mean fishy. it could be that he may not be able to accept the truth if the past haunts him. Most of us have ONS when we are single. its quite common. and once we are into LTR, we may still be afraid or wondering if we may have HIV from the past partners.

.

Not going for a test means living in denial and being selfish... <*period*>

[Guest Guest]

hahaha. having HIV and having other dieases are different.

there is a stigma linked to HIV. If you think it is selfish for not getting tested, have u get urself tested yet?

before you get tested, counsellor will go through a series of qns to prepare you for the test. if you are not mentally prepared, they will advise you to come back another day. this is because been diagnosed as HIV + is not like having cancer.

If you are only 18yo and u think u can handle being HIV+? and to live with it for the next 10 yrs? what if u r financially not well off...can u support the medicine?

ironically, i have a fren who get tested once a while after having a series of ONS and he is proud it is negative each time. i dont see the purpose of the test. it seems like he is trying to catch the diease instead of preventing it. just because u r negative for a test, u feel safe and start to ONS again and do the next test, safe and go ONS again until u get it?

[reflection]

People who have sex regularly with multiple partners are advised to screen for blood test (HIV, syphilis, etc) every 3 months due to the window period for most of these diseases.

I am relatively new here and I see many threads here relating to sexual adventures. I am not here to judge anyone but do hope everyone knows how to protect himself as well as others out of a sense of responsibility.

As I mentioned earlier, taking a test requires courage. I encourage everyone to go for regular check-up. Prevention is better than cure. The good thing about the test is there is a pre-HIV counseling to assess whether you are fit to take the test or not. For those who prefer to be secret, go for the anonymous test done by AFA. For those who are brave, go to the normal clinic (same building - DSC) and one thing good about the normal clinic is that you can do a thorough test (HIV, syphilis, Herpes, Hep B) including doing swabs from your dick, ass and throat to see any infection like gonorrhoea.

Of course, if you dont want to live with the fears of catching any diseases, you know you should be reducing the number of sex partners.

www.dsc-sexualhealth.com.sg

www.afa.org.sg

[Guest Guest]

there is a stigma linked to HIV. If you think it is selfish for not getting tested, have u get urself tested yet?

Please don't "HaHaHa".... refusing to go for HIV test is no laughing matter.

If you have more than one sex partner and practice unsafe sex for long time, then you better go for test asap before you ruin another person's life!

[wasabi]

I requested for AIDs test together with Hepatitis test last year for I wanted to have Hepatitis A and B shots. The clinic staff rang me up and told me that the test result was ready for collection. Since I had already indicated in a form a week ago that I would like to know my result on the phone, she told me the result was negative :-)

It is not possible to abstain from sex totally for a single man like me. I am planning to go for STDs tests at DSC clinic soon just to have a piece of mind.

Many years ago, my Jap BF(former) and I had AIDs and STD tests done after we had decided to be partners (in a sexually monogamous relationship). Afterall, you would never know if one is clean(having STDs may not show any symptoms in some cases) unless you had never had any sex before. I think open communication and honesty is really important if both love each other.