Jump to content
Male HQ

Confused About Sexual Roles And Attraction For Older Guys

Guest mike58

By Guest mike58
in Blowing Wind Main Forum

 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest mike58

Guest mike58

Posted
Posted

I am in my mid 20s and is still in the closet. I have very very few sexual experiences with guys and I have never done anal sex before.

I am confused about my sexual roles. I do not know whether I am the dominating (top) or submissive (bottom) one. I am not in the circle but somehow I am attracted to older men, one reason being I do not have a gd relationship with my dad.

It seems to me that it is normal for young gays or those who just started out to be attracted to older men initially, sexually or emotionally or both? From my own sources, I realise that some guys prefer older men but they have a gd relationship with their dad.

My understanding is if I find a older man as a partner, I will most probably be the bottom and let him take care of me. However, a personality streak I have is that I do not like to lose, I try to be better than others in most aspects, I am independent and I do not really like to be submissive.

I can be sexually attracted to guys around my age as well as long as they look good physically. However, I am not sure whether I will be emotionally attached to guys around my age.

In short, I am attracted to older men now but I do not want to be a bottom. Partly also because I am rather self conscious and dun like to be seen as the weak one. But I dunno whether I am a top? Or am I what people called versatile?

Is it true that all gays have at least bottom-ed before even if you are a top now? For those who are tops, were u attracted to older men when you started out?

Pardon me if it sounds complicating and for asking questions. I am thinking of coming out but I am unsure of my sexual identity. :( I want to come out with a direction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Friendly Newbie

Friendly

Posted
Posted

I think you like older people firstly its because you kind of need someone to look up to. For experience,direction,support and so on..

You may be loss at alot of things so i guess you need someone who you think may be able to help you in many ways but must have a certain expectation too.

I am much older then you and i also have to say getting a partner older then you now may be too early. Take your time to experience in relationship,love and others. Remember L.O.V.E stands for Lots Of Voluntary Effort..Good Luck..

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest44

Guest guest44

Posted
Posted

It is not necessary to associate older guys as being top only. for myself, i am late 30's, and i am being both top and bottom. just depends on the day's mood.

Do not come out with a fixed perception. And the right person may not necessarily be an older man. all the best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Blaidd_drwg

Guest Blaidd_drwg

Posted
Posted

It is not necessary to associate older guys as being top only. for myself, i am late 30's, and i am being both top and bottom. just depends on the day's mood.

Do not come out with a fixed perception. And the right person may not necessarily be an older man. all the best.

Good reply.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest 50 plus

Guest 50 plus

Posted
Posted

Congratulations on having the courage to explore your sexuality. You are on an amazing adventure and are sure to learn a lot.

Let me share some of what I've learned about human sexuality.

First, there are about 1/3 of gay men that do not have an interest in anal sex.

Secondly, anal sex is not exclusively experienced by 2/3's of gay men exclusively. Heterosexual people also participate in this type of sexual exploration. Though it is a very small percentage, there are more "straight" people than "gay" participating in anal sex than in the gay community.

Thirdly, human beings have different "needs and desires". Not everyone's top priority in a relationship is sexual gratification. Some relationships are based on mutual emotional support, others it would be mutual stability and love, while others just want to serve and be devoted to another person.

I encourage you not to be "talked" into anything you are not ready for. Go on line and start reading about human sexuality. In the West there are universities that have courses in human sexuality and even gay sexuality. I think you need to start reading. Find some books and order them on line through amazon.com. The Singapore post office has never stopped anything coming through for me.

Next, I would suggest you start doing massages so you can get in touch with your body. Also, what about meditation or yoga. All these experiences will allow your energy to flow and not get trapped. The idea is to try and keep yourself balanced emotionally and you open up to new possibilities.

Another suggestion is counselling. Why not contact Oogachaga Counselling. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you but rather i think it would be safer for you to talk to someone that doesn't have an ulterior motive. (I.e. sex before you are ready)

Best wishes in your journey.

By a 50yr old gay man living in Singapore who's in a 10 plus year monogamous relationship and who just got legally married.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bronze58 Newbie

Bronze58

Posted
Posted

I am the TS mike58 in the previous thread which got locked.

http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=31458

Looking for comments, advices and sharing of experiences. Pls do not post sexual favours or ads on this thread.

Original post:

I am in my mid 20s and is still in the closet. I have very very few sexual experiences with guys and I have never done anal sex before.

I am confused about my sexual roles. I do not know whether I am the dominating (top) or submissive (bottom) one. I am not in the circle but somehow I am attracted to older men, one reason being I do not have a gd relationship with my dad.

It seems to me that it is normal for young gays or those who just started out to be attracted to older men initially? From my own sources, I realise that some guys prefer older men but they have a gd relationship with their dad.

My understanding is if I find a older man as a partner, I will most probably be the bottom and let him take care of me. However, some personality streaks I have are that I do not like to lose, I try to be better than others in most aspects, I am independent and I do not really like to be submissive.

I can be sexually attracted to guys around my age as well as long as they look good physically. However, I am not sure whether I will be emotionally attached to guys around my age.

In short, I am attracted to older men now but I do not want to be a bottom. Partly also because I am rather self conscious and dun like to be seen as the weak one. But I dunno whether I am a top? Or am I what people called versatile?

Is it true that all gays have at least bottom-ed before even if you are a top now? For those who are tops, were u attracted to older men when you started out?

Pardon me if it sounds complicating. I am really letting my thoughts out. I am thinking of coming out but I'm unsure of my sexual identity. :( I want to come out with a direction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Guest

Guest Guest

Posted
Posted

If you idolise older men, you probably don't have a strong father figure or not close to him when you were growing up. I've got a theory that when you get molested by other guys (pedobear, pedophiles) when young, gay thoughts might be impressed upon the juvenile minds. This does not mean all of gays were molested before, have anyone tried to dress up as a girl when you were young, I remembered wearing my mum's bra...Is this because my mind sort of got haywired?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bronze58 Newbie

Bronze58

Posted
Posted (edited)
I think you like older people firstly its because you kind of need someone to look up to. For experience,direction,support and so on..

You may be loss at alot of things so i guess you need someone who you think may be able to help you in many ways but must have a certain expectation too.

I am much older then you and i also have to say getting a partner older then you now may be too early. Take your time to experience in relationship,love and others. Remember L.O.V.E stands for Lots Of Voluntary Effort..Good Luck..

It might be true because i dun have a gd relationship with my dad since young. There is no male figure since young for me to support on and for direction. Most of the time I make decisions on my own although I have an elder sis and I kinda take charge of my own life. I do wish I have an elder brother or a more caring father.

Edited by Bronze58
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bronze58 Newbie

Bronze58

Posted
Posted
Congratulations on having the courage to explore your sexuality. You are on an amazing adventure and are sure to learn a lot.

Let me share some of what I've learned about human sexuality.

First, there are about 1/3 of gay men that do not have an interest in anal sex.

Secondly, anal sex is not exclusively experienced by 2/3's of gay men exclusively. Heterosexual people also participate in this type of sexual exploration. Though it is a very small percentage, there are more "straight" people than "gay" participating in anal sex than in the gay community.

Thirdly, human beings have different "needs and desires". Not everyone's top priority in a relationship is sexual gratification. Some relationships are based on mutual emotional support, others it would be mutual stability and love, while others just want to serve and be devoted to another person.

I encourage you not to be "talked" into anything you are not ready for. Go on line and start reading about human sexuality. In the West there are universities that have courses in human sexuality and even gay sexuality. I think you need to start reading. Find some books and order them on line through amazon.com. The Singapore post office has never stopped anything coming through for me.

Next, I would suggest you start doing massages so you can get in touch with your body. Also, what about meditation or yoga. All these experiences will allow your energy to flow and not get trapped. The idea is to try and keep yourself balanced emotionally and you open up to new possibilities.

Another suggestion is counselling. Why not contact Oogachaga Counselling. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you but rather i think it would be safer for you to talk to someone that doesn't have an ulterior motive. (I.e. sex before you are ready)

Best wishes in your journey.

By a 50yr old gay man living in Singapore who's in a 10 plus year monogamous relationship and who just got legally married.

Are there gay ppl or couples who are not into anal sex? Seems to me most gay men do that. Frankly speaking, I do not like the idea of being penetrated and I do not know whether I like to penetrate others.

Your post has been helpful, I will consider your suggestions. :B)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bronze58 Newbie

Bronze58

Posted
Posted
If you idolise older men, you probably don't have a strong father figure or not close to him when you were growing up. I've got a theory that when you get molested by other guys (pedobear, pedophiles) when young, gay thoughts might be impressed upon the juvenile minds. This does not mean all of gays were molested before, have anyone tried to dress up as a girl when you were young, I remembered wearing my mum's bra...Is this because my mind sort of got haywired?

yes lack of a strong father figure and not close to him.

no never get molested at young and never dress up as a girl. if anything, i dun behave effeminately and most people do not know im gay.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Speedos

Guest Speedos

Posted
Posted

Sexual roles (top or bottom) should not be seen as an indication of whether a person is dominant in a relationship (or bed). It is merely a preference in bed (e.g. I'm a top now but I had also experimented with being a bottom twice many years ago) and I have had enjoyable fun before many times with masculine, sexy, beefy, manly and "straightish" guys like myself. Some of them are flexible (i.e. when they run out of "bullet" or feel tired, they switch to the receiving end) and some are exclusively bottoms. I have a lot of coupled friends and the "husband" in a relationship need not necessarily be the top and vice-versa. Therefore, an independent/ afraid to lose/ dominant personal character should and can be decoupled from the sexual role in a relationship (or bed).

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Guest

Guest Guest

Posted
Posted

Are there gay ppl or couples who are not into anal sex? Seems to me most gay men do that. Frankly speaking, I do not like the idea of being penetrated and I do not know whether I like to penetrate others.

Your post has been helpful, I will consider your suggestions. :B)

Yes, there are gay guys and couples who aren't into anal sex.

Sexual roles (top or bottom) should not be seen as an indication of whether a person is dominant in a relationship (or bed). It is merely a preference in bed (e.g. I'm a top now but I had also experimented with being a bottom twice many years ago) and I have had enjoyable fun before many times with masculine, sexy, beefy, manly and "straightish" guys like myself. Some of them are flexible (i.e. when they run out of "bullet" or feel tired, they switch to the receiving end) and some are exclusively bottoms. I have a lot of coupled friends and the "husband" in a relationship need not necessarily be the top and vice-versa. Therefore, an independent/ afraid to lose/ dominant personal character should and can be decoupled from the sexual role in a relationship (or bed).

Agree. The sexual role (top/bottom) is merely a preference of deriving sexual pleasure. Men (even straight men) are hard-wired to feel good when penetrated, thanks to the plentiful nerve endings in the rectum and the proximity of the prostate gland. Being top/bottom isn't directly indicative of a person's degree of dominance in the relationship or in bed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Guest

Guest Guest

Posted
Posted

Yes, there are gay guys and couples who aren't into anal sex.

Agree. The sexual role (top/bottom) is merely a preference of deriving sexual pleasure. Men (even straight men) are hard-wired to feel good when penetrated, thanks to the plentiful nerve endings in the rectum and the proximity of the prostate gland. Being top/bottom isn't directly indicative of a person's degree of dominance in the relationship or in bed.

Stop being misleading or naive.

You ask those yaya tops here why they don't allow others to penetrate them if they can also feel good.

everybody knows that the bottom is usually the submissive one being bend into all kinds of poses for the top to fxxk. The top also gets his kicks from dominating the bottom. That is why after fxxking the bottom he can act so yaya.

That is why men wear the pants at home. Of course there are hen pecked husbands. Likewise there are hen pecked tops in a relationship. But seriously, don't tell me you don't assume that the top is the man of house unless told otherwise. Fu,k the political correctness. Geez the cheeks of some bottoms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
orca888 Newbie

orca888

Posted
Posted

everybody knows that the bottom is usually the submissive one being bend into all kinds of poses for the top to fxxk. The top also gets his kicks from dominating the bottom. That is why after fxxking the bottom he can act so yaya.

Nope, sorry to burst your bubble...

I am a top but when I make love to my ex, it wasn't about domination...I don't get any kicks from dominating him...

If anything, he's probably more dominating than I am...

Am I falling for a bi?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Guest

Guest Guest

Posted
Posted

@ 50 Plus: Any reference for the statement that 1/3 not interested in anal?

When I say I prefer not to, met many guys incredulous and say how can that be, implying what's wrong with you? (But if they like me in the first place, they do not mind doing something else!)

Also on networks, others not into anal tell me they have trouble finding anyone else the same. Is it because everyone is only thinking in black and white, a lack of vocabulary to ask properly?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest alvin

Guest alvin

Posted
Posted

are there couples whereby the top is younger and the btm is older?

Is it true that when someone say they are tops, they do btm once in awhile as well?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Ironrod

Guest Ironrod

Posted
Posted

I find TS topic interesting and like most topics it's full of what ifs and people say.

Since TS is very very very very closeted , perhaps u should first work on accepting yourself, what u are and what you want.

Being a btm is far from being submissive and top doesn't mean he is strong in both mind and body. Sexual position doesn't equal to behavior too thus your perception is really just what u "read" and "hear". You should try to experience more life instead of being a closet.

One warning I would like to tell you, older does not meant they are wiser, more secure or even more mentally stable.

Not all older guys is like "Mr Whale" and young ppl is like......anyways don't restrict yourself. Go experience life, open your mind and see the world - if u meet him u will know it, don't let what u see and hear create an illusion of what you like.

This is my advice to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Phil Contributor

Phil

Posted
Posted

LOL - I am not mon cher Phil

I am as immature, insensitive and as dumb as they come :(

How else would I be so worked up over a straight boy? :unsure:

He is not straight, you will see... :P

Oooops! About to hijack another thread! :blink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Guest locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...