Emotionally Confused (Compiled)

[Heaven84]

This is my first post here of my personal encounter recently.

Around more than a month ago, I met a chinese-malay guy, age 32. He was the one who PMed me on another social networking website. Since then we get to know each other. But he has a partner who has been with him for 4 years. He said that they are in an open r/s. I guess I kinda get used to the idea. he would message me dear in almost all of the SMS. Sometimes, his messages would get very mushy lol. On our first meeting, we had dinner. Afterwhich he brought me to his house and we kissed passionately. he would show affectionate gestures to me even in public such as putting his hand around my waist. We also went out for movie, dinner, stargazing, chatting. But recently, we haven't meet each other for a month due to certain events occurring in his life, such as busy work schedule, falling ill, accompanying is partner in hospital as his partner is ill, spend money on his partner for hospitalization and operation fees, his partner's grandma's funeral etc. I have always been the one asking when is our next meetup, but inevitably, these things would occur. Recently he asked $400 from me. I lent him, as a friend, said that he would pay me back end of August. He said gonna meet me up this sunday. I guess love is blind. Only time will reveals his true colors.

[xyztay]

Hmm the whole scene just sound too clinche bro.. Nevertheless still hope the very best for u that he is not a con artist .. Like u said.. Let time prove the fact bro (",) take care

[Heaven84]

Hmm the whole scene just sound too clinche bro.. Nevertheless still hope the very best for u that he is not a con artist .. Like u said.. Let time prove the fact bro (",) take care

Only time will tell the truth. I still trust in him. Thanks bro

[water_piano]

I had similar experience, with someone older from another forum. Much older than me but was already in a relationship for about 7 years. Not sure if it was an open relationship or not as I don't think his bf knew about my existence. His super nice, super caring, even to date. Sometimes I don't know whether he's just toying with me or he's sincere. It's long distance but he never hesitated to make int's call just to say he misses me or checks up on how I've been doing.

Well, as for your case, hope things turn out fine for you bro

[boyish7]

I am hoping that things turn out good for you too

Not everyone will turn out to be con artists.

[soxite]

Just don't get to buy in by the affections shown to you. Mind rules the heart first not the other way around. If he ask for money again, just be prepared. It might come in small amounts but if he is asking for three times or more, it should be an alarm bell. And you have to be very sure that what he is telling is truth or at least you are able to verify it. Only be willing to part with the amount of your money that you are prepared not to get back. If he ask again, just say you need a bit of time to get the money even if it is not big amount to test his reaction. If he keep chasing you for the money, it might mean other things instead for the medical or funeral bills incurred. The partner should have monies for the hospital bill if not there is always medisave and his family. Funeral would have white gold which sometimes should cover quite a portion. You can at least pay for his meals or for something physcially you are in control of your money. End of the matter is that love and money should be quite separate unless you are very sure where the monies goes.

[Heaven84]

Yea understood. That one I know. Thanks

[Guest Ironrod]

Don't he or his partner have REAL FRIENDS?

Usually borrow money should be this manner

1) Siblings

2) Close Relatives

3) In-Laws

4) His Relatives

5) Best friends

6) Friends which u eat, drink and be merry

7) Ezcash/Ready Credit to tie over

......U should be the last on the list....becos u barely know the person......

I am sorry to say - if the person is serious about you he/she will never ever ask u for money if u guys just known each other less then 6 months becos aren't he worried how u view him?

Edited August 14, 2012 by Ironrod

[Heaven84]

Yea true ironrod. Maybe I am stupid...

[Heaven84]

But I will wait till end of this month and see whether he will pay me back

[ColSpo]

hugs! Wish the best for u..

[evianguy]

Its just weird to borrow money from a person you've only known for a month.

If he returns the $400 as promised, will you lend him $1000/$2000 next month when he comes calling again?

You've opened a can of worms.

[justanotherme]

Money and r/s, make sure you handle them separately.

[Heaven84]

I know my limits. This will be my only time. Thanks guys for your concern.

[Guest Blaidd_drwg]

But he has a partner who has been with him for 4 years. He said that they are in an open r/s. I guess I kinda get used to the idea. he would message me dear in almost all of the SMS. Sometimes, his messages would get very mushy lol. On our first meeting, we had dinner. Afterwhich he brought me to his house and we kissed passionately. he would show affectionate gestures to me even in public such as putting his hand around my waist. We also went out for movie, dinner, stargazing, chatting. But recently, we haven't meet each other for a month due to certain events occurring in his life, such as busy work schedule, falling ill, accompanying is partner in hospital as his partner is ill, spend money on his partner for hospitalization and operation fees, his partner's grandma's funeral etc. I have always been the one asking when is our next meetup, but inevitably, these things would occur.

I find people engaging in open relationship problematic. It is still understandable if they seek sex outside the relationship. But to seek affection, and tie emotional leashes around their hook-ups and meet-ups? That is cruel and ought to be punished. It is already over-stepping the limits of "open" and on the verge of crossing into the thin line of adultery. As much as everyone wants to be happy and create the illusion of "good feel", sometimes one has to stomp the ground and say "stop your nonsense".

He is taking care of his partner. He is ignoring you. Notice where you are in his priority list. If you continue wanting to be strung along like a dog, do it at your own peril. Realise that every passing moment, you lose another potential partner who can actually make you a priority and not a choice. Another thing I find really disturbing is when people can make other people a choice, such is their insincerity.

Just get back your money and end it all. Not ending it is a sign of personal insecurity and an unhealthy attachment to people and things.

[players02]

Don't he or his partner have REAL FRIENDS?

Usually borrow money should be this manner

1) Siblings

2) Close Relatives

3) In-Laws

4) His Relatives

5) Best friends

6) Friends which u eat, drink and be merry

7) Ezcash/Ready Credit to tie over

......U should be the last on the list....becos u barely know the person......

I am sorry to say - if the person is serious about you he/she will never ever ask u for money if u guys just known each other less then 6 months becos aren't he worried how u view him?

Money, by right, should NEVER be lent to anyone. EVEN family members. There's an exception where you can though because you're related by blood (if you are close to them too of course).

This is simply because money can destroy relationships. Hence the best outcome is not to lend anyone or owe anyone anything.

[thaiboyz]

Hi Heaven84,

If you will look back things from the very beginning, this guy has already done something very wrong to engage you in sex. Well, since he and his partner agreed in an open rs, i gathered he wont feel much after the fun session. Next, he has constantly mssg you to lure and confused you, and trying his best to pamper and please you. I believe he has a clear vision of his doings and plans, and trying his luck to gain your trust. He has launched his next step of his plan, tats to get money out from you. Sorry to say tat, i have a feeling tat he will run away from you or he will get back to you for more. Beware and never give him a single cent. Dun be sad and depressed, learned from your lesson and be smarter next round if anyone whom you have just known wanted to borrow money from you. Remember very rarely people will want to borrow money from someone whom he has newly known. If you are uncertain his background, your answer should be NO. Also remember, once your money landed in someone's pocket, its terrible difficult to get it back.

Dun think too much, play along with him and hopefully you can get your money back.

Edited August 15, 2012 by thaiboyz

[gstc82]

Are u concern with your relationship with him or your$400 that u lent him? He was upfront with u in the beginning so you can't fault him on that. Please always remember that if u lent money to someone, u must have the expectation of not getting it back even if the other party says so. Thaiboyz, I don't see what that guy did was wrong, having sex required two willing parties and ts was a willing party ain't he? That guy already upfront by saying he is in a relationship with another person. It takes two hands to clap to have sex other wise ts was sexually assulted right? From what I see GE just want his money back.

[Guest Guest]

like what thaiboyz have said, he is in an open r/s so he will not feel much after having fun with u. in fact, i think u are just someone 'fresh' and new for him. on the other hand, u allow ur feelings and emotions to develop (subconsciously u are even if u think u are handling it). u definitely deserve someone to call ur own and not share with someone or 'get used'.

u said love is blind. is it really love? or just lust or crush? do u even know him that well or he is just physically attractive?

u are good hearted and that guy knows it and uses it to his advantage. learn to say no sometimes, u do not have to please everyone or feel that u will receive a bad impression. as for the money, dun harbour any expectation and just treat it as charity. of course if circumstances allow, get it back. learn to balance handling matters with reason and not just feelings.

[Guest stbrianud]

Well... Right now I'm totally crushing on this guy.. let's call him J. He knows i like him. He has a partner for 2 years and the meet often... We have been texting for more than a week now and he calls me cutie sometimes... We don't get mushy because it's not our style but we hug from time to time... Always say goodnight even if we didn't chat much that day and morning each day... I don't know.. He is totally my type of guy... But he is in a relationship but he is "NSA" fun... It was a turn off when he told me lol... I want a boyfriend who is satisfied with me lol and doesn't need to get satisfaction elsewhere... But i still really like him.. sigh...

Heaven.. I hope things work out for ya!

[Heaven84]

ok noted. I shall just play along with him to get my money back

[Heaven84]

Well... Right now I'm totally crushing on this guy.. let's call him J. He knows i like him. He has a partner for 2 years and the meet often... We have been texting for more than a week now and he calls me cutie sometimes... We don't get mushy because it's not our style but we hug from time to time... Always say goodnight even if we didn't chat much that day and morning each day... I don't know.. He is totally my type of guy... But he is in a relationship but he is "NSA" fun... It was a turn off when he told me lol... I want a boyfriend who is satisfied with me lol and doesn't need to get satisfaction elsewhere... But i still really like him.. sigh...

Heaven.. I hope things work out for ya!

Brian..dun try to get to know this guy. get to know someone single.

[Guest stbrianud]

Brian..dun try to get to know this guy. get to know someone single.

Well I know that.. but it's hard... A part of me feels like he likes me... and hopin' he might leave his bf... but then i think about it... if we get together he might just want to have an open relationship which is not at all what i want.

[Heaven84]

Well I know that.. but it's hard... A part of me feels like he likes me... and hopin' he might leave his bf... but then i think about it... if we get together he might just want to have an open relationship which is not at all what i want.

yea. leave this guy far far away. if he is genuine, he will chase u even if u dun contact him

[Guest stbrianud]

yea. leave this guy far far away. if he is genuine, he will chase u even if u dun contact him

but if he doesn't, my heart will break lol:( sob sob

[Why?]

My life depends on this very important call. If I call him, it would appear I am desperate to him and he might just cut me off bluntly and squarely into my face. If I don't call, I still have hope dangling but by keeping me in the lurch is an agony. On the other hand I might lost everything I holds if he didn't call. To call or not to call - consequence is the same. I have no courage to face the fact.

If I call him, he might deny me and I will be plunged.

If I didn't call, I might plunge earlier before calling him.

The thing is, he pre-empted me that he will call me late next week but I will dissappear by then. If he cherished me, he should call now and tell me what he was upto now, today, while I am still riped for take but he prefer to wait until I am rotten to check on me.

Why? Why did he kept me waiting for him? Why did he still pretend I didn't exist and yet gave me the impression he cares and admires me.

Was he having an affairs now that I must not call to disturb him or get his scolding? At least give me an excuse that he is still here for me while I wait but I was treated with NO SOUND, NO SIGHT and by the time he makes me available....I AM ALREADY GONE.

I kept tapping my keyboard want to write to him but he might mistook me and picked an unfavourable options for me. He might tell me that if that was what I wanted (to leave him) than "BE IT". That two words will frighten me. The chance of him telling me that..."OH NO, I WILL COME BACK TO YOU QUICKLY" seemed dim or it might turn out as surprise, the best outcome. Sooner or later I will know but I WANT TO KNOW SOONER rather than later or else...

There might be no returning to him again and I will not look back for him after next week. I wish him luck but I don't deserve to end it this way.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Why?

[Guest Guest]

xiao char-bo. :swear: Your mind is full of shit !!!

[Simmon]

My mother once said. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

To TS, just leave him. If a man can't take the time to write 2 sentences to you in 24 hours, be it after he showers or before he sleeps, he doesn't deserve to be waited on.

[derryfawne]

If you know someone who's close with him, you can play the cheat way and get this friend to find out what he really feels about you.

Perhaps even ask this friend to throw an innocent question: "Did you chat with him recently? Oh... why not?"

[Guest Apalled]

another senseless trivial whining thread

i really cannot believe what is going on in the minds of some people. *rolls eyes*

[WightTonguehlk]

Hey, I feel the same as you... But the difference is... I don't care if i am hurt , or in your terms "already gone"..i would just wait aimlessly for him to.give some sort of damn...but if there still is no reply.. It would depend on my emotional connection with the guy.. if there ain't no connection I will cut the guy off, I ain't good enough for him... And honestly, I feel that it would be a waste if anyone got together with me... So yea I know the guy woud be in better hands anyway. and yea I won't self pity as much as you :/ I seldom do say " I deserve better". What I would say is " hey, I guess I deserve this for I am worthless"

Edited August 16, 2012 by WightTonguehlk

[Guest Guest]

u r like a woman in luv. try to protect yourself.

Thank God you found out earlier about his character so you dun have to waste another sec on him.

When I told my friend or client I would call on a certain day at a certian time means I would call.

It's the very basic courtesy or ettiquette in any human relationship.

So cheer up & move on

[fab]

TS, may i know how old r u?

[Guest Guest]

Another emo ranting thread. I thought Blowing Wind was a forum for mature gay men?

It's OK to ask for advice in this forum, but please lah, don't act so weak and don't whine about the trivial issues in life.

[Heaven84]

wah this thread of mine is compiled together with another thread...=.="

[GachiMuchi]

Both of you are dealing with emotional issues. Both can support each other emotionally and hopefully grows up mentally more mature.

Edited August 16, 2012 by GachiMuchi

[thaiboyz]

Heavrn84's case is the fourth similar case I have get to know within this year, of cos there are many similar cases out there. All four cases related to lending money to their partners either at their earlier or mature stage of their relationship. Things turned sour along their way and all of them tolerated and played along hoping to get their money back. One of the case is due to his bf's family got into some financial difficulties and need as much as 40k! This huge sum is still outstanding and their relationship is turning from bad to worse. We, as an outsider, tend to ask the logic and reasons the lenders willing to fork out their savings and totally trusted their partners. I believe their decisions were blurred with their feelings for their partners and to input effort to solve their partner's financial issues unconditionally, little had they considered the difficulty in getting back their hard earned savings. They did tat in the spell of love ? So called love is blind ? Hopefully we learned from others when parting our money to anyone as things will change along our way unless the borrowers signed a I.O.U note, even with such note, there's no promise money will be returned. So we have to be extremely careful when money matters are concerned.

[trunks]

Money aside, pls try ur best not to get involved with attached ppl please. Put urself in the guy's partner' shoes.

If the guy truly loves u, he'll find a way to get out of their existing relationship first.

[Why?]

I called him out of courtesy but he mistook it as obligation to do something nice for me. As such, he makes me felt I was forcing him to act, but I didn't. I want nature to take its course, which means I want him to be frank and honest and we can move on together or separately without feeling confused. I don't want him to make me behold to him just because he felt obligated to do something for the sake of doing it for me out of pity? Do I look so desperate to him that he wanted to be a samaritan in my life and I have to sign a contract that he has done his part for me? Is that what he thought I wanted? All these shouldn't have started, he shouldn't have misled me and than find it "difficult" to shoo me away. Just do it, shoo me away. I don't need your pity but now you are back to confuse me again just because I called to check on your well-beings with no other intention.

[Why?]

You almost shocked me today, but I was calm. I have been given hot/cold treatment before in my life and it is nothing new. I am so tired that I will let you do whatever you want to me but after I was fxxked and cummed, I will leave you. Yes, I will leave you after 6 months when I see you fulfilling your dream. As for now I just stay put and see what you were up to. I will perservere, not that I am beginning to like you but I am training my tolerant level. You literally ignore me when you were with other people and I know you think you have that ego in you. It is ok, I can understand and I won't pester. I put on a smile doesn't mean I am weak, I was recharging and being polite. I frown doesn't mean I hate you, I want to quickly get over the day with you and than be by myself again. Separation is difficult for now and I think I am partly to blame for the situation I am in. My will is not strong but I will regain my courage in 6 months time and than....goodbye.

Edited August 28, 2012 by Why?