Why Some Guys Hate Clinginess In Relationship ?

[Guest fperfect]

Any specific reason ? 

Life experience please share (: 

I dated this guy before.... So he said the reason why he hates r/s it's because clinginess 

He asked me to be myself etc..

 

[BranLim]

Never had any real life experience but I personally like a lot of "me" time and that the "clinginess" irritates me. It just doesn't make sense for someone to be talking to someone every other minute or every other hour or something. Besides, to me being in a relationship means just 0.5 level higher than being best friends. And best friends can simply pick up the phone or chat any time five or even ten weeks later. That's how I roll.

[Guest fperfect]

WOW. All the long i thought that in a relationship communicate is important.

And communicate all the time is a must . LOOKS like im naive

[Guest IamPineapple]

WOW. All the long i thought that in a relationship communicate is important.

And communicate all the time is a must . LOOKS like im naive

 

your partly correct and partly native...

in r/s communication is impt, but not such that it's every day, hour, minutes...

it will be best if one party let the other to be himself then go out / talk about what they had discovered which is "unique" in a sense... be it new sports/hobbies or what.. there must be always the "me" time in a r/s...

just like you and your parents, won't it be irritating if they every hour check on you ? (sry if it's a bad example)

[Guest fperfect]

your partly correct and partly native...

in r/s communication is impt, but not such that it's every day, hour, minutes...

it will be best if one party let the other to be himself then go out / talk about what they had discovered which is "unique" in a sense... be it new sports/hobbies or what.. there must be always the "me" time in a r/s...

just like you and your parents, won't it be irritating if they every hour check on you ? (sry if it's a bad example)

 

Well.. It's a good example btw. TY

[NielKlient]

It's like what everyone says.

'I dont message you doesnt mean i don't think about you.'

[SoSonni]

Chit chat and communicating are two different matters. If one chit chats every day hour minute, how is he going to concentrate on doing other things like work or other activities? Perhaps initially (like the first week lol), love dovey love birds might be okay. From then on, once twice maximum thrice per week of "us and only us" time (considering he is not staying with you) should be sufficient. If more I would only do like a quick coffee or a bite. Still, I'd want to know what's up in his life and understand him and that's where communication is important.

[BranLim]

Totally agree with what everyone else says.

 

Well, just a general ratio I lived throughout my life:

 

70% work, 25% "me" time and 5% dedicated to one or two person, at max three people socially. There are days that I do go by just saying no more than a total of 15 sentences to everyone.

 

That's why I don't commit to any relationship because not everyone can accept and like being in that 5% category. There are always someone better if being more communicative and talkative is what you seek and generally sociable.

 

My alternative definition of sociable is going to the library together, pick a book each, read it, and then discuss about the book we read when we go for a meal later.

[Blissfull]

In normal times, I like clingy guys but not during work. It's just plain annoying. Nobody's got time for you.

[Wilbur]

A relationship at different points require different accommodations 

 

Sometimes clingy is good. When your bf feels insecure, you getting clingy makes him feel better.

 

When he needs time off, then let him be. Too clingy makes him feel suffocated.

 

Act according to situations and communicate. Understand one another before going into a proper relationship to prevent future disasters.

[warlock88]

A relationship at different points require different accommodations 

 

Sometimes clingy is good. When your bf feels insecure, you getting clingy makes him feel better.

 

When he needs time off, then let him be. Too clingy makes him feel suffocated.

 

Act according to situations and communicate. Understand one another before going into a proper relationship to prevent future disasters.

 

 

yeah what he said.  :clap:  :clap:

[Gray]

I don't think anybody likes clingy guys. To be honest. Being clingy means you have no life of your own.

[keyboard]

Keyword like what you said is communication. Where one party talks, the other party listens. After done, you stop.

 

Just joking ah, if you talk ("And communicate all the time is a must") all the time, which is like broadcasting, then might as well just buy a radio right. :smokin:  At least radio can still pull out battery.

[abang]

When my non-so-recent ex bf and I were together, we took our schedule and plan our meetings around them.

As we are both much older and understand the need for personal space, we do not really call or message each other between our rendezvous.  Unless it was utterly necessary, we keep our conversation face to face.

 

 

To all the clingy boyfriends,

One of the contributing factors about possessiveness is insecurity.

There is no need to fear about things like double-timing, sex with others etc.

 

 

Remember, you do not own him.

His mind and body is his and not yours.

He has a mind of his own and knows how to exercise discretion.

 

Overt care and concern may "frighten" him.

Give him the space ...and when you do meet up, do something interesting and mutually enticing - like explore a new restaurant and have a good time talking over dinner.  Do things to surprise him - e.g. buy him an inexpensive gift every now and then.

 

小别胜新婚。。。

[Flexibtm]

When my non-so-recent ex bf and I were together, we took our schedule and plan our meetings around them.

As we are both much older and understand the need for personal space, we do not really call or message each other between our rendezvous. Unless it was utterly necessary, we keep our conversation face to face.

To all the clingy boyfriends,

One of the contributing factors about possessiveness is insecurity.

There is no need to fear about things like double-timing, sex with others etc.

Remember, you do not own him.

His mind and body is his and not yours.

He has a mind of his own and knows how to exercise discretion.

Overt care and concern may "frighten" him.

Give him the space ...and when you do meet up, do something interesting and mutually enticing - like explore a new restaurant and have a good time talking over dinner. Do things to surprise him - e.g. buy him an inexpensive gift every now and then.

小别胜新婚。。。

I like that

[Flexibtm]

To be together, understanding and flexibility is very importance in relationship.

I just feel that to be together at all times or giving space to the other party hv no hard rules. Just go with the flow as deem feel which arrangements is better for both

[Guest fperfect]

I always feared that if we don't communicate often, the feeling between us like the flame will dies off.

so hence i always wanted to talk to him etc..

 ): 

[Guest Guest]

When it is one-sided,

If he really likes u then he is the one who is clingy.

If u really like him, then u r clingy.

If u both like each other then it is lovey dovey and so romantic.

I have been on both sides of this.

When someone I don't fancy chased me, I have a hard time telling him to stop clinging on to me and yet try not to hurt his ego.

But I myself when I chased someone, I too forgot he was also being polite by not harshly rejecting me. Then hope springs eternal and I still cling to him hoping to win him through my sincerity. I am good looking and have many suitors myself. My gay ego just could not accept that he may not be attracted to my type.

I even offered my body to him and he didn't even hesitate to bed me.

I was devastated when I finally saw him chasing a chubby uncle who I considered to be much inferior to me. I simply could not believe losing him to someone like that.

I was extremely jealous. I had to spy on them and became even more clingy. Then I found out that the chubby uncle was actually very rich. In this gay circle, wealth comes before beauty. I finally found my peace and withdrew.

[lovehandle]

i dont like clingy people too

[Eujiboo]

What do you classify as clingy ?

There are people who classify certain behaviours/actions as clingy , and some into being normal or romantic .

[RinTinTin]

What do you classify as clingy ?

There are people who classify certain behaviours/actions as clingy , and some into being normal or romantic .

 

Constant texting is fine for me, just not the same questions like where am I/what I'm doing every damned minute, also, spamming your phone looking for you, while you're away for a few minutes to go to the toilet or something.

And being pushy about wanting to meet me even though I have final submissions the next day.

 

The Overly Attached Girlfriend meme is an example of a clingy partner I guess, though it's kinda exaggerated imo.

[Eujiboo]

My idea's pretty similar to yours then . Haha , but yes , that meme is very exaggerated .

Idk . But under what category do you classify whatever you mention ? To me that's being clingy , but then again those are agreeable to me . I also picture clingy as holding hands or being touchy , which is normal for me cause I am open .

But see , I know guys who put those behaviours under being romantic/normal . Some under clingy , so they refrain from doing it . So so confusing .

[Guest brightstyle]

For me, even though when I am a relationship someone (if that actually happens), I think both parties would need their personal space for each to do what they do. True, they are a couple and ought to be doing things together, but I thought a little time for oneself is necessary. A not-so-romantic me thinks that it isn't really necessary to call one's bf at night to kiss him goodnight and chat with him about each of their individual day's events, although some might disagree.

[Chubba86]

I believe many of us have our own understanding of what is being Clingy and what is not...

 

To some extend , giving space is important but I don't find anything wrong if the couple were to text everyday (provided they don't meet everyday too). Just a normal update and saying "hello" really helps in pushing the relationship forawrd. By doing this, your partner knows about your well being etc without having to feel insecure if you're outside cheating or tripping on him. 

 

I always believe that communication is vital and that it plays a major role in any relationship. I have been in one particular relationship whereby we seldom talk nor do we meet often and what do we get at the end of the day? Another party starts to barge in and creating mess because you and your partner hardly have time for one another or reason being "We seldom chat or meet". Then all this "blame you" game starts to take in place because it is easier to blame others and making it looks like it is their fault rather than yours. 

 

So I believe it is really up to individual. A little bit more of communication is better than no communication at all because what is the point of being together when we hardly talk or meet? How to even have sex when you don't talk often or meet? 

 

If one is not comfortable when their partner being clingy , you should talk to him and find out why he is being clingy first before you jump into any conclusion on your own

[bodybuildMLY]

To share my experience, there is a guy whom I dated once, and thought we hit it of well, but in the end it hit off TOO well. He wanted to know where I was, where I go, what I am doing, and wanted to go to the gym together (despite knowing we go to different gyms). Literally, he expected me to report strength to him. I just can't tolerate someone breaching my private space, which I really respect very much and hate someone beating against it. 

 

So, for me, I prefer guys who are not too clingy and have more self-confidence. In my experience, guys who have poor self-esteem, especially those who are physically unattractive have this issue. 

Edited June 3, 2013 by bodybuildMLY

[fab]

"He's just not that into u"

[Guest hunky uncle]

To share my experience, there is a guy whom I dated once, and thought we hit it of well, but in the end it hit off TOO well. He wanted to know where I was, where I go, what I am doing, and wanted to go to the gym together (despite knowing we go to different gyms). Literally, he expected me to report strength to him. I just can't tolerate someone breaching my private space, which I really respect very much and hate someone beating against it.

So, for me, I prefer guys who are not too clingy and have more self-confidence. In my experience, guys who have poor self-esteem, especially those who are physically unattractive have this issue.

Yes, u r right that those who r clingy tend to be cmi.

There was once I was dating this handsome guy. I thought it would be romantic to spend as much time together as possible. I even told him I was lonely without him.

Imagine my surprise one day when he said I was clingy and he needed more space. It hurt my ego, so he thinks I am cmi. So I said fine, let's cool down and have some personal spaces.

Then one day he saw me going out in some sexy sports wear with somebody. He texted me and asked me who was that. I told him just a colleague. He started saying China men cannot be trusted. He could correctly guess my colleague was from China.

After that he kept tracking my movements. I reminded him that he was the one who wanted to cool things down. I sarcastically said uncle boh lang ai what, why he so kanchiong for what. That started the cold war and ended the relationship.

The fact was that what was already in his hands, he don't value. So I intentionally always dress my best and attracted lots of attention to make him jealous.

[Guest Guest]

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[bodybuildMLY]

It is a matter of balance, we try to do push and pull here. Not too clingy yet still holding onto the rope. Well, it is a trick which we need to learn and play with. Any idea?