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My Ex Has Moved On And Continue To Hook Up

jason15963

By jason15963
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jason15963 Newbie

jason15963

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Life has to move on , I know.. but it is really hard. For 1.5 years, we have been doing everything together.. eat together, go class together, sleep together and study together... am I so not attractive at all? Am I so not being appreciated. Why am I have to suffer from heart breaking again and again... I really wish I can let go now... if I were to choose again, maybe staying together is not a good choice after all... it will be enjoyable and it will be more hurt... I wish I can turn off my emotional switch.. once I stay faithfully and give in everything... what do I get at the end... heartbroken and betrayal. Love is a beautiful dream in this circle and I shall never love again. Switching bf is like switching clothes... so fast, so convenient and everything is just in an app... are they still beautiful souls out there that I can dream of? I really dun wish to stay in this circle at all... only suffer, betrayal, fun and it is a trap... TT

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joshTWjosh Contributor

joshTWjosh

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I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, and you are right, heartbreak sucks.... but my own personal advice is that you have to enjoy the relationships, the emotions, the happiness when you have it, and when you lose it, try to get over it, and then don't give up on love or relationships, although it's very easy to. I know how u feel. Broke up after 2.5 years, it got so bad you will contemplate killing yourself (but please don't).

 

As for your last statement, if you were bi, by all means try to leave the circle. Do feel better!

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LFM Newbie

LFM

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Posted

thanks fo sharing your experience, jason. it is indeed hard trying to make sense of what has happened when a relationship we cherish ends.

 

resentment, discouragement, sadness and disillusionment ..  regardless how much effort and time we put into a it, somehow in the back of our mind we know that because situations and people change, we may not be 'safe' from breakup. 

 

a US study years ago found "like poles attract", covering couple examples around the world. findings presented that unless our relationship with others was developed from mutually strong compatibility where character, common interest and other supporting factors are there, sustaining our relationship with them would be quite difficult.

 

whilst adjustment is though and you're finding ways to cope one step at a time, you're able to see how things are (reflectively) and know what's important is how we respond so we may gain from experience. the resilence within us do overcome the insurmountable.   

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AJ_9101 Newbie

AJ_9101

Posted
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hey jason15963,

its hard, but pick yourself up and move on

there's seriously no point sobbing or whining about it

shouldnt u be glad that you're no longer with someone who takes sex as a hobby? curious..

the longer you dwell on it, the harder its gonna get to get over it, trust me

put your mind on something else, like picking up a new hobby, or go running (this works for me)

dont sit there and lick your wounds, its seriously not gonna help, the time u waste sobbing couldve helped u achieved/realise a new talent or even maybe a new partner

 

also, sorry i dont get the " if you were bi, by all means try to leave the circle. Do feel better!"

its like a crab telling its offspring "if u can walk straight, then walk straight, dont walk side ways like us" indirectly indicating that its not good-not something jason15963 needs to hear now (im also not here to say being homo is bad or good)

a straight breakup or gay- or bi- makes no difference, 

a breakup is a breakup, if u do intend to date a girl, d breakup is gon hurt just as bad

so.. get up jason15963 in all u do, learn to get up after a fall (thats my message.. sorry for the length) 

IF YOU'RE STILL

BREATHING

포기하지 마세요, 당신은 거의가 TO ALL OUR HOPES AND DREAMS

YOU CAN KEEP

GOING

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engagex Newbie

engagex

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Life has to move on , I know.. but it is really hard. For 1.5 years, we have been doing everything together.. eat together, go class together, sleep together and study together... am I so not attractive at all? Am I so not being appreciated. Why am I have to suffer from heart breaking again and again... I really wish I can let go now... if I were to choose again, maybe staying together is not a good choice after all... it will be enjoyable and it will be more hurt... I wish I can turn off my emotional switch.. once I stay faithfully and give in everything... what do I get at the end... heartbroken and betrayal. Love is a beautiful dream in this circle and I shall never love again. Switching bf is like switching clothes... so fast, so convenient and everything is just in an app... are they still beautiful souls out there that I can dream of? I really dun wish to stay in this circle at all... only suffer, betrayal, fun and it is a trap... TT

 

Mine and your story seems so similar. Had been with my ex for 16months, I only have 1 ex LOL, but his reason for breaking up was cause I was too paranoid. But I myself know the reason behind this break up. Because the first time we broke, he used the same reason, and by the next few days, he got a new date / bf or whatsoever. But at that point I just couldn't let go of him, so I tried what I could to get him back.

So now I'm sort of having a disappointment/ a little of hate in him than missing him, regardless of the happiness we had, though I admit was memorable. But looking right back at the fact.. Just gives me a disgusted feeling towards him.

I'm just gonna enjoy my life to the fullest in school or with friends, and just slowly take a step and see whose gonna step into my life and walk it with me!

Hope you'll feel better!

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abang Newbie

abang

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Posted

A friend of mine once told me:

 

He, a gay man, is a beast of necessity.

He wants the good feeling of having a partner yet the world is his oyster..why stop at 1?

As a human being, it is rather difficult to be satisfied with just 1 person, doing the same things over and over again.

 

Breaking up is really hard to do but hey, move on.

There are still others around.

We cannot be "defeated" by one singular event.. just like life...

We win some, we lose some but our fighting spirits continue.

 

So, enjoy the freedom of singlehood for the time being.

Go, do the things that are important to you.

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jason15963 Newbie

jason15963

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I still enjoy my life be the day time... but deep in the night, I feel the emptiness and I live with my sorrow... time may heel but I really don't have much time to wait, I will need to start my school very soon and I am still very emotional affected. Even if looking at the facts, I should hate him rationally, but my emotion has been out of control...

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snowball Newbie

snowball

Posted
Posted (edited)

you just get used the life with him, it is also nothing to do with how you look like, once the feeling no longer there, it will slowly fade off and eventually break off. readers here beside saying " sorry ... " that's nothing we can do much, the power is yours, only you can unlock yourself, you just have to accept you are single again, by facing the fact will make you feel less pain and accept the challenge ahead, be strong and start a new relationship when you are ready , good luck

Edited by snowball
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IkuTube Mentor

IkuTube

Posted
Posted

All that you can do, Jason, is to be thankful that it happened.  Yes, it does sound hard.  Yes, it does sound that I have no empathy.  Thing is, the more you are allowing yourself to think dominantly that you are hurt, you will feel it even more, Jason.

 

To feel sad is a natural process, especially when you still feel for him, but do not let it to stay with you too long.  Instead, look back to appreciate the beauty of love.  That you were able to feel the emotion of love.  The hardest thing one can do, in a situation like this, is not able to forgive but we need to.  That is the only way that we can release all the negative feelings that are being stored within.  That is the only way that we can move on.  That is the way where we shift the paradigm and start to take charge of our being.

 

Find the courage to be strong and do not allow hatred to win your heart.

Click Here To Visit My Blog @ "The Blessed Life"

*Let me live my life to be an instrument of 'Love', in how I speak and in how I see others*

- May there be Love and Peace beyond all understanding -

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Karma Newbie

Karma

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Life has to move on , I know.. but it is really hard. For 1.5 years, we have been doing everything together.. eat together, go class together, sleep together and study together... am I so not attractive at all? Am I so not being appreciated. Why am I have to suffer from heart breaking again and again... I really wish I can let go now... if I were to choose again, maybe staying together is not a good choice after all... it will be enjoyable and it will be more hurt... I wish I can turn off my emotional switch.. once I stay faithfully and give in everything... what do I get at the end... heartbroken and betrayal. Love is a beautiful dream in this circle and I shall never love again. Switching bf is like switching clothes... so fast, so convenient and everything is just in an app... are they still beautiful souls out there that I can dream of? I really dun wish to stay in this circle at all... only suffer, betrayal, fun and it is a trap... TT

 

Reading your story really made me reminisce mine! Although was only with him for a few mths, but being my first, it was hard to swallow that he had betrayed me. The hatred still lingers till now. The things u mention really strike a chord with me too. Dare not venture further and really questioned myself y I must land up in this circle too

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zwei Newbie

zwei

Posted
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Hi babe, go out, date ppl, meet ppl, open up, talk, just let it out and sooner or later you will forget him and someone will fill up that inner void.

Fattie bom bom walk down the street

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slackerj Newbie

slackerj

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Posted

Lol, if can joke about it means on the way of recovery le lah...

You just need to get use to being single again. Change your mindset from getting things in pair to just things that you want...

Look at the bright side, no more compromise, you are free to do whatever you want.

成熟不是心變老，是淚在打轉，卻依然還能微笑。

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Butterscotch Enthusiast

Butterscotch

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Love yourself first before loving others.

 

I was like you when I broke up for the first time. The magnitude of the pain and heartbreak was beyond what I could normally handle, I felt so bruised and raw. On top of that, it was the festive season and I was not in the mood of celebrating. But slowly you learn to forget about him, forget about it, close that chapter in your life, and move on. You don't think you can start dating again right now? Sure, don't force yourself to do it. You want to wallow in your emotions? Go right on ahead. But remember that eventually, it has all got to stop, and you have to pick yourself up and continue again.

 

They say that you should give yourself half the time that you were together with your ex as part of your grieving process. After that, it's movin' on time. All of us have been through the same things as you did, so you are not alone. Sharing with us is a bold step, and one that will guide you towards a new chapter, a new boy (or boys), and what have you.

 

Be strong!

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juvis Newbie

juvis

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Guess it must be very painful for you. Never had a relationship before but from what i can see from my family and best friends; break-ups can make you cry like mad and traumatise one so badly that one does not love anymore. One of my friend is a very mentally strong girl; after the breakup, she told me she cried like mad for a few months and even contemplated suicide as she felt she was treated like a toy and thrown away after so long. She told me she does not trust in relationships anymore. But again, she eventually moved on and met her current boyfriend at a party and are together since. :thumb:

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gongtang Newbie

gongtang

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Omg ts, after stumbling across this, I feel so bad n sorry about our pm :( there are beautiful souls out there. Dont give up and just keep finding. Its just like how we dont find diamonds laying all around the streets right?

and cheer up! I am a fellow S.H.E fan too! S.H.E (fans) together 4eva! Hehe

once again sorry about that pm :(

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blueb Newbie

blueb

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here's a great article about grieving. 

I always see breakups as such, because you are literally mourning over the person you used to know, treasure and love.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

 

take your time, digest, pick up the strength to move on again.

it's been 3 years since i broke up, and i still find it hard to see and invest my best in another being again..

tumblr_m6i5n25CGw1rotbq4o1_500.gif

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nicenewyorker Newbie

nicenewyorker

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here's a great article about grieving. 

I always see breakups as such, because you are literally mourning over the person you used to know, treasure and love.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

 

take your time, digest, pick up the strength to move on again.

it's been 3 years since i broke up, and i still find it hard to see and invest my best in another being again..

i wrote one article too long ago, here was mine:

http://anqing1978.deviantart.com/art/Rants-about-Emotional-Pain-180026564

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novacek Newbie

novacek

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hey Jason, I am so sorry to hear that. it's never easy losing somebody you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. but things always get better. try to focus on friends, family, work, studies, or whatever is more constant in your life. appreciate the things you have rather than mourn the things you lost. i hope you find happiness in another very soon :)

peace.love.music


tumblr_notz0hzRSA1svy95mo1_540.gif


 

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TheVisitors Newbie

TheVisitors

Posted
Posted (edited)

When I was very young, someone told me what true love is all about

 

Actually in all human hearts, everyone longs to experience true love, not matter what cold exterior they put on

 

Thus, when heaven hears your prayer calls for true love, nothing is ever easy, nothing ever comes for free, without experiencing what is the untruth.

 

You cannot understand and feel what is truelove unless you experience the untruth first, because if you were to be granted what is truth, how would you appreciate  and make the best out of it?

 

So as you journey in search this truth, you need to experience the human pain from the untruth.

 

These pain merely serves to allow you to experience what you are capable or not.

 

They are signals that allow you to make choices, whether to stay in the pain mode, or move out of it.

 

If you do not like the pain mode, then what is within your means and power to change your inner alignment

 

If you choose to feel powerless in this mode and whine on and on , you cannot blame anyone but yourself for  what you choose, then don't change anything and continue to experience this discomfort.

 

Pain are merely stepping stones in this journey to the higher truth

 

You don't get yourself stuck in this step, you instead should let go of this step and move on to the next, higher, higher  and higher until you feel good about yourself..  Then the outer world will slowly change as a reflection of what you truly feel and believe  about yourself

inwardly

 

If you feel you feel you are unworthy to be love, don't expect to be treated with any respect by people you meet along the way.

 

If you feel betrayed, you will constantly meet people who will always betray you, until you let go of all these beliefs

 

Beliefs and thoughts are real. They contain energies that you release subtlely,  in your own force field that people can feel about you, thus react back to you what you hoard inwardly

 

Similarly, if you are not an animal lover, even dogs cats and birds can feel, and they will shun away from you

 

If you don't like what you are experiencing, then change your beliefs and past, then  realignment with the present life in hand

 

If you like this pain and what it is reflecting back to you, then don't change anything

 

Life is actually very easy.

Its all about choices, either you want it to change, or not.

 

Whiner or a winner, the choice is yours

Edited by TheVisitors
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xavier ian Newbie

xavier ian

Posted
Posted

Hey bro, this is what I always tell my friends: the best way to recover from this is to be better than who you were before.  This is the best way to tell him that leaving you is a bad choice of him, and also, without him, life is better!

 

keep moving on!

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AyeMHappi Newbie

AyeMHappi

Posted
Posted

Hey.. Totally understand what you're going through. It's not easy to move on from someone, but sometimes.. it's the only thing we can do already..

Broken up with my first few months back, and up til today, i'm still deeply affected by him. No he didn't cheat on me, he just wasn't happy and so we broke..

Given my all in the rs and now it hurts badly. But i guess, i gotta get myself back up on my feet. So cheer up okay! I'm sure you can get yourself back up soon!

Sooner than me at least :x

Get back up, find back what you've lost and become stronger and better.

So just be  free , just be yourself. Nobody can be  the way you are.

Not ready for another relationship. Just live life and be happy.

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AyeMHappi Newbie

AyeMHappi

Posted
Posted

here's a great article about grieving. 

I always see breakups as such, because you are literally mourning over the person you used to know, treasure and love.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

 

take your time, digest, pick up the strength to move on again.

it's been 3 years since i broke up, and i still find it hard to see and invest my best in another being again..

Guess i'm at the 4th stage of grief. Haha..

So just be  free , just be yourself. Nobody can be  the way you are.

Not ready for another relationship. Just live life and be happy.

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Taki84 Newbie

Taki84

Posted
Posted

Just happened to me as well... my ex hooked up before broking up with me after 2 years + of what I considered as a great relationship.

 

But 15 years... I really cannot imagine that. Totally feel for the thread starter.

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