Moving Out Of House A Good Idea ?

[MarsViper]

Hi guys i am actually 21 yrs old this year ... i am intending to move out of house dude to family problem that i had endured for long time wan ask if is a good idea ? I am intending to ... look for houses near tampines .. which cost below $500 which i can support

 

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I have edited his request where he sought to find a room.

 

IkuTube

[IkuTube]

May I suggest that you split your post into two parts.  Here in the Main is mainly for discussion where you can highlight the first part to seek for suggestions and more relevant to your question as to whether it is a good idea to move out.
 
I have edited the part that you are looking for a place where you can repost it HERE.

[Guest Guest]

Stay at home for a few more years to save more money for your down payment for your own apartment. If got problem at home, just stay out till late then just go home to sleep.

[fab]

Hi guys i am actually 21 yrs old this year ... i am intending to move out of house dude to family problem that i had endured for long time wan ask if is a good idea ? I am intending to ... look for houses near tampines .. which cost below $500 which i can support

 

 

If u cant get along with your family, what makes u think that u can get along with your landlord?

 

Thank about it.

[snowball]

are you working currently? if so, moving out maybe a good way to stop thing before getting worst.

however, it does not solve the root of problem, in mandarin we called it 只能治标不能治本,

no matter what, they are still your family members afterall.

should no difficult to get a hdb room at tampines around $500, good luck & all the best.

Edited March 16, 2014 by snowball

[Guest Guest]

I admired your determination to be independent. I have many above 50+ years old friend who had never seen a water/electricity bill in his life. They are afraid of additional responsibility.

Hi guys i am actually 21 yrs old this year ... i am intending to move out of house dude to family problem that i had endured for long time wan ask if is a good idea ? I am intending to ... look for houses near tampines .. which cost below $500 which i can support

 

-------------------------------------------------------

I have edited his request where he sought to find a room.

 

IkuTube

 

[thorzguy]

Am not sure what exactly is your family matters, but I believed many of us here have their own family issues as well. I, grew up in a broken family and till this day, I am still staying with my family. Family problems only make me tougher in this society. And I still do love my family.

 

I can only say, at age 21, yes, you are an (lawfully bidding) adult. I will also say, you have yet to see much more of the world. I too, am still learning lots everyday.

 

Shifting out may only solve the problem temporary. Ultimately, they are still your family members. Plus what Snowball has mentioned: are you financially stable?

Consider many factors before deciding to move out. Hope you find a solution soon.

[darkflame]

When I was 15, I wanted to move out after O levels.

When I was 17, I wanted to move out after NS.

When I was 21, I wanted to move out after university graduation.

 

Eventually, I'm still staying with my parents.

So what stopped me from moving out?

 

Family issues are part of the growing up phase.

Thinking back about those periods, I realised each phase allowed me to grow.

Had I moved out then, I'd have no idea what I'd ended up as.

Unless your family issues are life-threatening, try to think of how you may try to adapt.

There are much more issues when you stay with a landlord as he is just a stranger renting a room to you.

 

Nevertheless, if you feel ready to move out, you can try to find a place.

Right now I'm obliged to move out because I'm going overseas.

[Guest Guest]

As time passes, society at large will look down upon you for being a dependent parasite. I am part of the society.

When I was 15, I wanted to move out after O levels.

When I was 17, I wanted to move out after NS.

When I was 21, I wanted to move out after university graduation.

 

Eventually, I'm still staying with my parents.

So what stopped me from moving out?

 

Family issues are part of the growing up phase.

Thinking back about those periods, I realised each phase allowed me to grow.

Had I moved out then, I'd have no idea what I'd ended up as.

Unless your family issues are life-threatening, try to think of how you may try to adapt.

There are much more issues when you stay with a landlord as he is just a stranger renting a room to you.

 

Nevertheless, if you feel ready to move out, you can try to find a place.

Right now I'm obliged to move out because I'm going overseas.

 

[GachiMuchi]

Hi all i am 21 this year yet next year i don't knw which wan   i wan continue my study or serve ns first then continue my diploma studied .. cause i am now studying hnitec mechanical eng  Next year i am graduating lei which i turn 22 years old , and i wan to sign on Navy i intending to go pursue  then can defer my NS .

Nautical Study Diploma  , Aeronautical Diploma  , Mechanical Eng Diploma , Intergrated Management Facilities Diploma ,Marine  Offshore Engineering Diploma

What if  i sign bond now ? Hnitec as military expert scheme but next year i wan wan to go diploma sponsorship scheme

and sign bond with the Navy * But will it be worth it ? Cause i like traveling around .. haha so yeah please give me your advice .

Those who serve as Navy befor can you tell me your experience on board ship ?

I read back some of your older post and I see conflicting information on you.

 

In one post you stated that you are going to enlist into NS on 14 March 2014.

 

In above post, you mentioned that you have 1 more year to go before you graduate.

 

Regardless, after reading some of your post,  I personally feel that you are still not mature enough to be living on your own because you are not independent but are dependent on your family, e.g. your studies, your braces, etc.

 

To be independent, one has to consider :

1. Lodging, i.e. monthly rental

2. Food expenditure, 2 or 3 meals or more

3. Transport expenditure, i.e. to and from school, work, outings, etc.

4. Miscellaneous expenditure, i.e. Mobile phone / internet, clothing, sauna, outings, etc.

 

What you took for granted that had been provided for you without you paying a single cent, you would have to consider all the above once you decide to moved out of your house and "dissociate" yourself from your family.

 

I call your action "running away" and not facing or solving your problem, instead you are creating new problems for yourself.

 

If you die die going to move out, I am sure you will most probably drop your course and end up without a certificate and which means you wasted the few years taking the course. Without a good cert, I am sure you would not be an officer but other rank if you were to sign up in the forces.

 

So my suggestion for you is :

1. Work part time and save up money so that you can have enough money to move out once you graduate.

 

2. Since you have not yet gone into the army, I think you should start learning how to wash and iron your own clothe because you will need to know how to do that once you are in the army and when you are moving out. Also budget on your food, travel and expenditures.

 

Looking for a mature boyfriend may or may not solve your current problem of having a place to stay, because if you truly want to be independent, then you can't shift from depending on your parents and then to your boyfriend. Moreover, if ever your relationship ends, you will be on your own again. So being independent is your best solution.

 

Depend on no one and earn your own keep.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[iamziz]

Sometimes distance binds us closer to our loved ones - that includes staying on our own or away from the family. Saying that, don't use it as an escapism since you mentioned enduring a long time family problem. If you moving out will make things easier for everyone at home and not running away from family relationship, that could be an option. You need to ask yourself have you drained from solutions in this family problem or are you not willing to explore other possible solutions in trying to ease if not solve this problem.

 

You have a problem. A long time problem. Family problem. Speak to someone about it. Perhaps that person can offer you some guidance in this issue. You still need to attend to this issue - be it you move out or continue to stay with your family. 

[abang]

I don't agree that moving out is your ticket to solve your family issues.

Unless you are prosecuted for being a gay..some family members scorn/threaten to disown you, perhaps?

 

The downside of living alone is that you are "forced" to face the harsh reality of life earlier than expected.

1.   You incur more expenditure.

       Yes you may gain more freedom and independence but it comes with a price.

        The amount reserved for rental can be put to other (better) uses if you are still living with your family.

        No more (free) home-cooked food by mummy dearest!

        You have to do your own laundry and ironing.

        You have to clean the room yourself... no domestic helper available.

        More bills - you have to bear every cost as no one is going to share the burden. 

 

 

 

2.    Making decisions alone..of course you can have your friends beside you but as they say. "Father/Mother knows best."

       With tighter finances, you may have to opt out of school and settle for a lesser job.

       There is no one from the family to give you moral support.

[Guest 你外婆]

Urgh I can't believe people here are so pampered.

By all means, whether or not you have family problems, just move out and get your own space the moment you're financially stable. Living with your parents till you're in your 30's just shows how mollycoddled you are.

Go forth and be independent - trust me, you're much better off living on your own, doing all these chores and paying off your own bills. You will be a much better person for it and realise how immature you've been all your life.

Ps, I'm 27 and renting a room with friends.

[abang]

#13

May I ask whether you are a local?

If you are, what was the impetus to move out?

 

If you are renting a room with friends, do you mean sharing a room or having the room all by yourself?

If you are sharing, what is the difference of staying with your siblings?

 

Some of us have aged parents to look after - not so easy to move out at the snap of the fingers...

The pioneer generation has to depend on us ..to give them financial and moral support.

Sharing a meal once a day, chit-chatting with my aged mother is one of the best reward after a long day at work.

Please don't jump into conclusions that some of us are "sheltered"...

[abang]

One more thing to add:

The time spent during National Service had taught us to be independent, away from our parents.

There is no need to move out of the family nucleus just because we want to prove our maturity....

[Guest Guest]

I don't agree that moving out is your ticket to solve your family issues.

Unless you are prosecuted for being a gay..some family members scorn/threaten to disown you, perhaps?

 

The downside of living alone is that you are "forced" to face the harsh reality of life earlier than expected.

1.   You incur more expenditure.

       Yes you may gain more freedom and independence but it comes with a price.

        The amount reserved for rental can be put to other (better) uses if you are still living with your family.

        No more (free) home-cooked food by mummy dearest!

        You have to do your own laundry and ironing.

        You have to clean the room yourself... no domestic helper available.

        More bills - you have to bear every cost as no one is going to share the burden. 

 

 

 

2.    Making decisions alone..of course you can have your friends beside you but as they say. "Father/Mother knows best."

       With tighter finances, you may have to opt out of school and settle for a lesser job.

       There is no one from the family to give you moral support.

 

 

#13

May I ask whether you are a local?

If you are, what was the impetus to move out?

 

If you are renting a room with friends, do you mean sharing a room or having the room all by yourself?

If you are sharing, what is the difference of staying with your siblings?

 

Some of us have aged parents to look after - not so easy to move out at the snap of the fingers...

The pioneer generation has to depend on us ..to give them financial and moral support.

Sharing a meal once a day, chit-chatting with my aged mother is one of the best reward after a long day at work.

Please don't jump into conclusions that some of us are "sheltered"...

 

 

One more thing to add:

The time spent during National Service had taught us to be independent, away from our parents.

There is no need to move out of the family nucleus just because we want to prove our maturity....

 

For a 50+yo who still stay with parents, you are definitely not qualify to give advise. Get real, don't let people laugh at you.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Urgh I can't believe people here are so pampered.

By all means, whether or not you have family problems, just move out and get your own space the moment you're financially stable. Living with your parents till you're in your 30's just shows how mollycoddled you are.

Go forth and be independent - trust me, you're much better off living on your own, doing all these chores and paying off your own bills. You will be a much better person for it and realise how immature you've been all your life.

Ps, I'm 27 and renting a room with friends.

You are not a Singaporean right?

Answer yes or no.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Though I feel there is no real need for young Singaporeans to move out and stay away from parents due to family tensions or issues.

Sometimes in extreme cases it is better to move out and live on your own,only then will you started to see in a different perspective and gain a new insight on your parents and yourself behaviour.

Hopefully through this move a new mutual understanding can be reach between family members and tensions be resolve.

[abang]

 

For a 50+yo who still stay with parents, you are definitely not qualify to give advise. Get real, don't let people laugh at you.

 

You are definitely entitled to think your way... my mother stays with me and not me with her.

She had a stroke and has complicated  medical/physical problems.

Get your facts right before jumping to conclusions.

 

No balls to register ... we can discuss this issue offline/via pm.

You will probably encounter the same issue when your parents hit 80...

Or perhaps you may not have one that last that long... oops!

 

One more:

To give advice (noun), you must not mistaken it with advise (verb).

Edited March 18, 2014 by abang

[Guest 你外婆]

Yep I'm Singaporean. I studied in London for 4 years where I lived alone, came back to Singapore and found that I need my personal space more than I need my parents around keeping tabs on me.

I live in a rented HDB with two friends + one of their bfs. All of us are overseas educated Singaporeans. Rental for me is $750 for a common room HDB in Toa Payoh.

I love being independent. To me, this is a natural life progression and one that everyone should make instead of living under your parents armpits.

[abang]

#20

You are NOT the one who had studied overseas.

Many others and I did it too.

However those were the lean salad days.

 

Just out of kay-poh-ness, if your rental is SGD 750, how much do you give your parents monthly?

I ask this because I see the need to thank parents for their sacrifice.. about 20% of your take month pay?

 

Living under my parents' armpits... lol

Don't you ever miss the warmth, sincerity and fragrance of your mom's cooking?

I count myself lucky that my mom (before her stroke) ensure that food is always on the table whenever I'm in Singapore.

It is that "unconditional love" that she chooses to stay with me now.

[Guest 你外婆]

My parents are still working btw, both as surgeons.

I could give them money every month but I don't see the point since they're both well off.

Nope, I don't miss my mom's cooking - not like she does it often anyway.

For your case it's different since you're taking care of your mum, so I don't know why you're addressing me. It's those people who exploit and live off their parents that I have my beef with.

[Guest Guest]

My parents are still working btw, both as surgeons.

I could give them money every month but I don't see the point since they're both well off.

Nope, I don't miss my mom's cooking - not like she does it often anyway.

For your case it's different since you're taking care of your mum, so I don't know why you're addressing me. It's those people who exploit and live off their parents that I have my beef with.

If your parents are both surgeons, I am going to assume that they live in a bungalow and you had your own room with attached bathroom. They most likely also work long hours, so you practically had the whole house for yourself. Why then would you move to to a HDB to rent a room? I assume you moved out because you resented your parents for being too busy to look after you. You probably forgot that they raised you and gave you an overseas education, and now that you earn a little bit of money (4 yrs in London, you can't be in medical field) you forget who your parents are.......

You should go back to live with them.

[alien]

I believe independent is gd if u have a hse of ur own. But if u rent a rm just want to be independent, i find not really a wise thing to do. Cos wht for pay money to a stranger and rent a rm outside. Living with ur parents still can be independent lar. For me, i will move out only if i can get a hse of my own eventually.

[nothandsome]

I am a foreigner.... Singapore's rental is no kidding

[Guest 你外婆]

Lol yeah, like I'm going to change my entire life and pack my things, hire a mover etc just because some guy on a forum told me I "should go back and live with them."

My parents are not like yours. They're not clingy and don't expect me to take care of them. They're proud, upright and intelligent people who, by the way, were already married at my age and living on their own. They appreciate that I'm independent and understand that I have a life to live.

Right now I have all the freedom I want to invite friends over for intimate dinner parties or bring dates home. I don't impinge on my parents lives with my rowdy, champagne-loving friends or have to sneak people in.

I go back to have dinner with them on Sunday when none of them are on shift. Living on my own doesn't mean I love them less, it means they love me enough to be confident that I will always be there for them even though we're apart.

[snowball]

搬出去住无需理由 , 无需藉口 , 只要经济能力许可下要怎样是自个儿家的事 ,

父母还健康 , 行动还健步如飞时 , 当然无需孩子的照顾 , 但总有那么一天的到来 ,

他们的健康大不如前 , 行动缓慢 , 需要人扶助 , 尤其是另一半不在了 ,

他们更彷徨孤独 , 希望有子女的陪伴。他们或许不会说出口 ,

但他们的心灵渴望 , 父母一天天的衰老 , 做子女的需要等到父母说出口吗?

一个人独居不代表那个人比一般人优秀 , 或思想更独立成熟 ,

有很多独子有的是多了一份责任感 , 不是定期拿钱回家 , 或偶尔带父母出去就算 ,

他们也有能力买公寓等 , 但他们却宁愿跟父母住 , 宁可舍弃一些自由 ,

只因他们更关心重视逐渐年龄老化的父母 , 他们的起居饮食 ,

以便在需要的紧急当下 , 更容易尽快给予关怀 , 不是吗?

长大到足以独立的年龄时 , 是否应该继续和父母同住呢?

我认为因人而异 , 没有绝对的对或错 ,

除了尽孝道 , 还必需自己也开心 , 对否?

Edited March 19, 2014 by snowball

[Guest Guest]

Around 11 am this morning I happened to walk pass a gym. I wanted to check out the membership rates. So I went in to find out. I was shocked to hear the receptionist's reply after I asked her what's the rate.

She said:"my membership officer is not in. You can call her at her mobile to make an appointment with her."

I said:"I just need the rate, could you just tell me? "

She became very irritated:" I don't know the rates. You have to call her. So do you want her number or not."

If I am the management of the gym, I will be very hungry for sales. Any en-quire should be taken very seriously as it may become a potential sales.

At 11 am, there is no one to handle a simple sales call. I find it totally unacceptable. In addition, the very unprofessional and lack of e.q attitude of the first representative aka the receptionist of the gym.

Ic, they don't know about your orientation as yet so living with them will severely curtail your partying random ONS activities.....now I understand. I guess $750 a month is a small price to pay to pay for the freedom to have many ONSs.

[Guest Guest]

Lol yeah, like I'm going to change my entire life and pack my things, hire a mover etc just because some guy on a forum told me I "should go back and live with them."

My parents are not like yours. They're not clingy and don't expect me to take care of them. They're proud, upright and intelligent people who, by the way, were already married at my age and living on their own. They appreciate that I'm independent and understand that I have a life to live.

Right now I have all the freedom I want to invite friends over for intimate dinner parties or bring dates home. I don't impinge on my parents lives with my rowdy, champagne-loving friends or have to sneak people in.

I go back to have dinner with them on Sunday when none of them are on shift. Living on my own doesn't mean I love them less, it means they love me enough to be confident that I will always be there for them even though we're apart.

Ic, they don't know about your orientation as yet so living with them will severely curtail your partying random ONS activities.....now I understand. I guess $750 a month is a small price to pay to pay for the freedom to have many ONSs.

[alien]

搬出去住无需理由 , 无需藉口 , 只要经济能力许可下要怎样是自个儿家的事 ,

父母还健康 , 行动还健步如飞时 , 当然无需孩子的照顾 , 但总有那么一天的到来 ,

他们的健康大不如前 , 行动缓慢 , 需要人扶助 , 尤其是另一半不在了 ,

他们更彷徨孤独 , 希望有子女的陪伴。他们或许不会说出口 ,

但他们的心灵渴望 , 父母一天天的衰老 , 做子女的需要等到父母说出口吗?

一个人独居不代表那个人比一般人优秀 , 或思想更独立成熟 ,

有很多独子有的是多了一份责任感 , 不是定期拿钱回家 , 或偶尔带父母出去就算 ,

他们也有能力买公寓等 , 但他们却宁愿跟父母住 , 宁可舍弃一些自由 ,

只因他们更关心重视逐渐年龄老化的起居饮食 , 更容易方便在需要的紧急的当下 ,

尽快给予关怀 , 不是吗?

你说的蛮有道理哦。我觉得就算你有能力买房子，可是也可以继续和年迈的父母同住，偶尔过去你的房子暂住。一个人可以拥有一间自己的房子是好的。

[abang]

Well your grandmother.

I actually empathise with your situations.

 

In fact, I feel sorry that despite your privileged background, you have to settle with a single common room in Toa Payoh.

Can't you seek bank loans to buy your own unit?

 

4 year of college in UK .. 

Why did you not pursue the medical field since both your parents are surgeons?

 

As for the rest of (poor) us,

we have to accept to be born from parents of lower educational background, lower social and lesser financial status.

[Guest 你外婆]

You're getting it all wrong. I'm not super intelligent or anything of that sort, not to mention I have no interest in the medical field.

Mine was a typical business degree and I'm working in the finance industry, which is as typical as it gets in Singapore.

Just because I'm born into a more privileged family doesn't mean I would take advantage of it. Independence from family means complete independence including financially. I take great pride in making it on my own, something my parents taught me since young. I earned my own pocket money through JC and university, and even took out my own bank loans to finance my education.

Even at the rate the bank pays me, I can't afford a condo on my own with student loans to pay off. That said, I love my independence. I don't depend on anyway and no one depends on me. It's great.

[abang]

Great that you have your stand.

I admire that spirit of self-dependence. 

[PaterTenebrarum]

Moving out was the best decision I had ever made. Of course, there were initial teething problems with finances, but after a month or so, I did fine.

 

I moved out 10 years ago when I was 27. I was then working as a teacher and had always wanted to move out earlier. But I was putting myself through school (working and studying can be very tough, but that's another story) and finances were pretty tight.

 

Back then I was quarreling with my dad nearly every day, him being uber religious and me...well Im not religious at all. So I gritted my teeth and put up with his  daft belief in religious dogma.

 

After graduating with a degree in a field I had always wanted to be part of, I moved out. I first rented a room in a walkup apartment near East Coast Park at $650 per month. But I felt a pinch so I moved out to a room in an HDB flat less than a year later.

 

Of course, my folks were too pleased that I moved out but I told them that I did so to save our relationship. It was in tatters then.

 

Since moving out, my folks and I have learnt to appreciate each other's company more.

 

Bought my own flat when I reached 35 in 2012 and taadah! That was that.

 

So yea, move out. I did so and never looked back.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Moving out was the best decision I had ever made. Of course, there were initial teething problems with finances, but after a month or so, I did fine.

I moved out 10 years ago when I was 27. I was then working as a teacher and had always wanted to move out earlier. But I was putting myself through school (working and studying can be very tough, but that's another story) and finances were pretty tight.

Back then I was quarreling with my dad nearly every day, him being uber religious and me...well Im not religious at all. So I gritted my teeth and put up with his daft belief in religious dogma.

After graduating with a degree in a field I had always wanted to be part of, I moved out. I first rented a room in a walkup apartment near East Coast Park at $650 per month. But I felt a pinch so I moved out to a room in an HDB flat less than a year later.

Of course, my folks were too pleased that I moved out but I told them that I did so to save our relationship. It was in tatters then.

Since moving out, my folks and I have learnt to appreciate each other's company more.

Bought my own flat when I reached 35 in 2012 and taadah! That was that.

So yea, move out. I did so and never looked back.

You were already 27 when you moved out plus you were a professional with a few years of working experience and some savings to act as a buffer I presume?

TS is only 21 yrs old with no mention of family economic background status plus I doubt he has even started serious work yet. I still think it's better for him to be more prudent with his life decisions instead of acting on impulses.

Freedom does not come easily (freely) for everyone especially if one come from a humble background or was thrust into a situation too early for their years to contemplate with.

[glowingember]

Staying on my own for 1 year and getting my own place has been the happiest time for me as I've always wanted to have a place of my own. I've my own share of family issues but I'm still living very near to my family. For me, it takes will to break away as my family found it strange that I want to move out when all conveniences are at home.

I've friends who moved out when they were much younger than me. One was 21 years old.

However, he has the maturity, determination and a good heart even though his family, especially his mom, was giving him the headaches and heartaches. He learned to do well the hard way and he's the sole breadwinner of his family.

TS may bump into obstacles but he'll learn. Maybe for TS, he'll learn that he's too impulsive or he'll learn to be independent.

Anyway, it can be a good experience.

[PaterTenebrarum]

Well, RA, I would have moved out earlier, MUCH earlier if I weren't putting myself through school back then.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

I'm not discrediting anyone here over their personal life decisions,I'm just not incline to the idea of locals opting for renting for the sake of gaining independence.

Moving out and gaining independence is one thing but in my eye no citizens should subject themselves to renting in our own land when we are all entitle to home ownerships.

The only thing that need to be resolve is not to put a age limit on singles who are equally capable of contributing to nation growth just like the married couples. There shouldn't be discrimination among different social demographic groups.

Edited March 22, 2014 by Raiden Alpha