Girls Going After Or Courting You - Need Help

[Guest Still Hiding]

OK. I need some help here. This may sound silly. I am not good at this at all.

I think most of you guys out there must be hunky, charming, witty, nice etc. You must have attracted lots of girls attention. They like you, they want to be your friend, they even hope to be your girlfriend or future wife.

I don't want to be nasty to reject them. I have nothing against them. It is just that I am single & available in their eyes. Their advance are too close for comfort.

How do you reject their advance if they are very persistant?

[citiguy]

Rejecting them right now may seem nasty but to let them have high hopes and leave them high and dry will be even nastier.

Like our garhman puts it, take the bitter medicine now.

[here_is_michael]

Sigh.. i agree. Left a girl in the dark sometime back.. now she keeps on getting depression attacks.. trying to set things right now.. hard .. avoid this situation as much as you can

[Guest thatwasrunie]

avoiding them would give them at times wrong messages, SO DONT DO THAT!

just tell them the truth that you are seeing your aunt's uncle sister brother in law distant cousin's third auty's daughter!

[TopChinese]

Thanks girls.. but my bf won't like me dating you.

[GachiMuchi]

Your problem is largely due to the fact you try to "blend in" and are friendly with everyone. Being at a marriageable age, you will certainly "attracts" girls, regardless how you look.

I think when it comes to marriage; women don't put looks as their priority. Most importantly, I think they placed financial stability, faithfulness as priorities (it defers from person to person).

Looks aside, I feel that you should be firm in your handling of personal matters, especially if you are not interested in progressing beyond a working relationship. Looking at your dilemma, I think you are in such a state because I feel that:-

1. you are trying too hard to

[Buaya]

Well, I think we can all blend in but not accomodate... Yes, you can appear as straight as you wanna be... But when some girl(s) hit(s) on you, or someone wanna introduce girl(s) to you... you should just say, 'Thanks, but its ok'... Tell them you are happy the way you are... if they are clever, they get the hint that you are 'Happy'... Else, they think you just like the single life, like a lot of men do, nowadays...

[Guest exb]

just show them your didi and they will run away

[Guest Konton]

OK. I need some help here. This may sound silly. I am not good at this at all.

I think most of you guys out there must be hunky, charming, witty, nice etc. You must have attracted lots of girls attention. They like you, they want to be your friend, they even hope to be your girlfriend or future wife.

I don't want to be nasty to reject them. I have nothing against them. It is just that I am single & available in their eyes. Their advance are too close for comfort.

How do you reject their advance if they are very persistant?

Haha...You sound like me 5 years back.

I did this.

Make it clear that you are not interested in them.

Give them reasons (logical ones) why you can't.

Treat them as friends. Nothing more.

Talk to them and stuffs BUT steer clear of relationship topics.

Usually, they will surface such topics and will ask you "Why you don't like me?"

State the very same reason.

All you need here is patience. I got this girl chasing me for 6 months. X_x

But I never revealed that I'm gay.

The last straw was that, she told me that she "got together with another guy coz I was too slow" and shove the guy to my face.

I smiled and replied "good, don't waste your youth waiting for me" and walked off.

The reason I'm asking you to treat them as friends (even if you dun like them), coz I believe, it takes a lot of courage to confess your love to someone.

And if you start to treat them badly, they'll feel hurt.

Repaying love with hatred is just inhumane.

You know what I mean right?

And... I am not "hunky, charming, witty, nice etc". Haha...

[GachiMuchi]

Konton, for a 20yo, you certainly behaves rather maturely on this subject matter.

I do agree that we should not "hurt" anyone in the process. :thumb:

[Stoner79]

hmmm......... before they have the chance to tell you that they like you. Kay Kay confine in them about this "Girl" that you are crazy over. make it sounds like its someone who are different from them. that's what i did. and i got away with it.

unless this female friend of yours is an ultra thick skin... if not, they should be wise not to be too obvious in their liking of you in future.

[Guest Still Hiding]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your suggestions.

OK, I think I need to reveal a bit more of my situation.

Girls, as you know are more sensitive. Citiguy, I have to say being nasty to them is not going to help especially some of them are my co-workers. Working relationship will get sour. I have a very bad past experience that I quit the job, partially due to this same kind of situation. She threw herself at me. I only rejected her, not nasty to her. Everything become very sour that I feared other co-workers knew about it.

Avoiding them also don't really help as we see one another everyday & talk due to work. All of them already know I am single & not seeing anyone currently. I also do not want to lie to them that I am seeing someone as I need to invent the person I am dating. I used this reason in the past. Not really effective.

TC, you are a very brave man. I am not & I am not proud of myself on this. BTW, I don't have a bf currently.

GM, maybe I try to "blend in" to much. But I am only normal friendly to everyone. In fact, I do not normally approach people. Talk & friendship develop due to work contact or outing with friends. OK, I want to state I am not boastful overhere. My life till now, girls interested ranging from neighbours, young girls in their 20, friends wives in marriage crisis, old single classmates to divorcees with kids. Regardless of race, language or religion.

Telling them you are not interested, you see them as sisters, you are happy living a single life seems meaningless to them. The main issue is that they never tell directly they are interested in you. They just show it. They ask you out for tea, lunch, dinner, etc. As friend, I feel obliged, but I reject them sometime. They shower you with gifts, treats, ask you to go travelling with them & even pay you compliments. They call you everyday.

If all these actions are not courting you, what is it? Maybe I am blur.

exb, they want you, your didi they also want. Showing them your didi is not going to help. They may even jump at you.

Konton, I agreed with you that we should not hurt or leaving them high & dry. That is why I feel stuck.

I don't know. Maybe have to think of other solutions. Finally, thanks you all guys again.

[Guest Konton]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your suggestions.

OK, I think I need to reveal a bit more of my situation.

Girls, as you know are more sensitive. Citiguy, I have to say being nasty to them is not going to help especially some of them are my co-workers. Working relationship will get sour. I have a very bad past experience that I quit the job, partially due to this same kind of situation. She threw herself at me. I only rejected her, not nasty to her. Everything become very sour that I feared other co-workers knew about it.

Avoiding them also don't really help as we see one another everyday & talk due to work. All of them already know I am single & not seeing anyone currently. I also do not want to lie to them that I am seeing someone as I need to invent the person I am dating. I used this reason in the past. Not really effective.

TC, you are a very brave man. I am not & I am not proud of myself on this. BTW, I don't have a bf currently.

GM, maybe I try to "blend in" to much. But I am only normal friendly to everyone. In fact, I do not normally approach people. Talk & friendship develop due to work contact or outing with friends. OK, I want to state I am not boastful overhere. My life till now, girls interested ranging from neighbours, young girls in their 20, friends wives in marriage crisis, old single classmates to divorcees with kids. Regardless of race, language or religion.

Telling them you are not interested, you see them as sisters, you are happy living a single life seems meaningless to them. The main issue is that they never tell directly they are interested in you. They just show it. They ask you out for tea, lunch, dinner, etc. As friend, I feel obliged, but I reject them sometime. They shower you with gifts, treats, ask you to go travelling with them & even pay you compliments. They call you everyday.

If all these actions are not courting you, what is it? Maybe I am blur.

exb, they want you, your didi they also want. Showing them your didi is not going to help. They may even jump at you.

Konton, I agreed with you that we should not hurt or leaving them high & dry. That is why I feel stuck.

I don't know. Maybe have to think of other solutions. Finally, thanks you all guys again.

Still Hiding,

Relax. Thing is, you have to let them exhaust their love over you.

All you have to do is be firm. You are there as their friend only.

Nothing more, nothing less.

If they wish to be persistent, then you should be persistant in your stand too right?

And...trust me, they'll do anything to catch your attention.

Buy you presents.

Cut their hair and ask "How, does my hair look nice?"

Just give them...

A smile and look at her.

Say, Yes/No

A short opinion.

Look away.

And continue your work.

Girls, they're like roses.

Hold them too hard, their thorns hurt you.

Hold them loosely, they'll wilt.

But then Still Holding,

all these took place while I'm in secondary school. Working life and school is so much different I must add huh?

Try your best to concentrate working. Never let sour relationships be the barrier to our goals, achievements and success.

But we're dealing with girls here. Haha...

Still Holding, I wish you all the best alright?

If there's anything I am sure the Blowing Wind people would be ready to listen.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Aiks...Stomner79!

LOL! I think that is a very bad idea actually.

Girls har...*shake head* when they like you, they want to know every single details about you.

I had this girl...

1) She know where I live.

2) The hospital I was given birth at.

3) My heritage.

4) My parent's name.

5) Where my grandparents are living.

I never tell her that!

And guess what?

Once we're sitting down at McDonalds, she popped this question, "Eh, when did you have your 1st Wet Dream ar? What is the dream about? Can describe?"

Haha...try not to lie.

They'll make your life miserable lah these creatures.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Gachi Muchi, I'm not matured in this area.

My shoulder have been the crying station for my close gal friends.

My ears have been their confession box.

My eyes have seen what straight guys do to them.

And I vow, not to follow how those straight guys handle their love life.

I was straight once.

But I turned aj due to the last relationship I had with a girl. It lasted for only a day.

From there, I noted that girls are very fickle-minded.

During our one day, she have been thinking about her ex and realised that she still love him.

Her friend called on her behalf asking to end the relationship.

I was reluctant but I agreed.

Why bother keeping something that doesn't know your vaue right?

But I still wonder, throughout my 20 years on Earth, almost all I've met have considered me as only a friend.

Be it guys or girls. That, just made me felt like giving up living.

I'd better stop here coz I'm digressing and spilling more info about myself.

[Nice-36]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your suggestions.

Citiguy, I have to say being nasty to them is not going to help especially some of them are my co-workers.

Hi Still Hiding

I truly understand your situation - the nice soul in you can't bear to hurt them, yet part of you rebel against the tot of having to be less than your true self in your own space.

I believe u have misunderstood Citiguy's post.

In all fairness, He did not ask u to be nasty to the girls. Rather, he was reminding you that encouraging unrequited emotions, even unintentionally in the short term, can lead to painful repercussions in the future. By then, the hurt inflicted wud have multiplied many times over.

That's the bad thing about love. A person of the opposite sex does not guarantee mutual feelings - perhaps this is the point u need to make clear to the girls.

[Guest Konton]

That's the bad thing about love. A person of the opposite sex does not guarantee mutual feelings - perhaps this is the point u need to make clear to the girls.

This is so true.

80% of the girls expect guys to be hyperactive in relationships and they expect us to pamper them 24/7.

Such bullcrap!

[Guest Still Hiding]

Thanks guys.

Remembering back in schools days, I was the shy quiet type. All I could do was to avoid & hide. They asked, I replied. They talked, I talked. Seldom I approached them.

Nowadays, women are more direct. They come to you.

Konton, I would have die of blushes if girls asked me those questions back then. I would be living a nightmare if I were you.

Nice, you are right. I am sorry to misunderstand what Citiguy said. I did go through unrequited love before. Thus, I feel more for people, be it man or woman. I am only being friendly, nothing else. Further, they show only through their actions (Not directly say "I am interested in you, can we be more than friends?"). They just like to cling to you.

And I must say I am not as nice as many people think. I am only more sensitive to others feeling. However, I think you are truly nice. You know, you call yourself "Nice-36".

Thanks for sharing. I shall have to see how things go on from here.

[citiguy]

Thanks for the clarification Mr Polar Bear..

Still Hiding - You can put it across to them in a diplomatic way. But, it's better to let them know they aren't your type than to let them harbour any fantasies. Women are great and creative imaginators when r/s is concerned. These women can cling onto you but you need to know where to draw the line dude. All the best.

(p/s: Nice is not called nice for nothing. He is our Mr PR. )

[Guest Guest_Chelseasian]

Still Hiding

Why don't you just tell her she is not your type? If she persist in finding out what is your type tell her she is missing a wee wee and you are not into vajajays.

Honestly, her coming on to you can be considered sexual harassment here in the US- i.e. unwanted advances, and making the work environment uncomfortable for you. This is something you need to bring to the attention of HR if she persists.

I think you need to help manage her expectations here by letting her know you are not and will never be interested in her. Sometimes I think it helps to just ask her directly what she wants from you.

[Gray]

Lol. Just have very good girl friends to be your beard, or fake "girlfriend". I had a female friend pretend to be my gf once. All of our mutual friends were so shocked. They were like: "When did you guys start? How come we didn't know?" And without prompting, my female friend replied, "Oh for a few months already. Didn't want to announce to you guys at first cos we were still dating."

Haha that's when I knew this friend of mine is a keeper.

[Guest Guest]

Lol. Just have very good girl friends to be your beard, or fake "girlfriend". I had a female friend pretend to be my gf once. All of our mutual friends were so shocked. They were like: "When did you guys start? How come we didn't know?" And without prompting, my female friend replied, "Oh for a few months already. Didn't want to announce to you guys at first cos we were still dating."

Haha that's when I knew this friend of mine is a keeper.

Trust me gray, this might be a temporary solution but it will not last. Why? Just put yourself in your female friend's shoes. It is not the fear of exposure of cover up, your friend is willing to do that cos she is single now, but what if her mr right comes along? You will be the one who put her in the risk of not being able to get suitors. Guys interested in her, including mutual friends, might put off the idea as they thought that she is attached and you are the bf. You risk not letting her find her own happiness. Im sure as a good friend, we want to see her find a good bf as well. Just like how we believe we can meet our bf most abruptly, their mr right can appear anytime as well.

[zwei]

Hey T's, date me out and we can kiss imprint of whoever that girl is. :x joking

[Guest Guest]

This is such an old thread. How on earth was this revived ?

Anyway, nice to see some posts from BW old timers. And even one from Chelseasian when he was still lurking as a guest in the forum.

Wonder where they are now.

[Gray]

Trust me gray, this might be a temporary solution but it will not last. Why? Just put yourself in your female friend's shoes. It is not the fear of exposure of cover up, your friend is willing to do that cos she is single now, but what if her mr right comes along? You will be the one who put her in the risk of not being able to get suitors. Guys interested in her, including mutual friends, might put off the idea as they thought that she is attached and you are the bf. You risk not letting her find her own happiness. Im sure as a good friend, we want to see her find a good bf as well. Just like how we believe we can meet our bf most abruptly, their mr right can appear anytime as well.

True. I've never really considered that before. I feel like such a jerk now haha.

Maybe the best way to resolve such problems is really to just come out but then again it can be hard.

[Guest Guest]

Wear an engagement ring on your 3rd finger.