Why do gays want to be in a relationship?

[kylegogo]

I've been single for awhile now. My recent dates only lasted for weeks, if not months. Maybe the problems lie with me, I thought finding Mr. Right is just a number game and there's always someone better out there for me.

 

Gay people are not bounded by traditional family values or marriage institution. Many of us don't expect to raise kids. We have our own career and we don't need another man to pay our bills.

 

We have friends whom we meet up regularly for various activities, dining, travel, movies, sports, etc. And even for sex!

 

We are essentially self-sufficient.

 

Even if we are lucky to find one, the relationship is doomed to fail in a few years, or we eventually open it up.

 

If so, I wonder why do we want to be in a relationship? Or we are simply afraid of not being in a one because everyone else is?

[firefight]

there are millions of reasons and each of us have differing reasons...

the best reason is to share your life everyday? bathing together, watching tv together, sleep together...

[bigdanbeam]

I dont think everyone wants or needs to be in a relationship 

[Guest 170816]

It's the content.

 

Self-sufficient- Why putting yourself in front of your love one's.

 

Fail in a few years, or we eventually open it up - Negative thoughts before it starts.

 

No matter how much you enjoyed with friends/buddy... in the end of the night you are still sleeping alone.....you are empty.... Your partner is where your heart and soul knows where it belong

[lonelyglobe]

any relationship is complicated especially in our context..........

[marcoc]

59 minutes ago, kylegogo said:

I've been single for awhile now. My recent dates only lasted for weeks, if not months. Maybe the problems lie with me, I thought finding Mr. Right is just a number game and there's always someone better out there for me.

 

Gay people are not bounded by traditional family values or marriage institution. Many of us don't expect to raise kids. We have our own career and we don't need another man to pay our bills.

 

We have friends whom we meet up regularly for various activities, dining, travel, movies, sports, etc. And even for sex!

 

We are essentially self-sufficient.

 

Even if we are lucky to find one, the relationship is doomed to fail in a few years, or we eventually open it up.

 

If so, I wonder why do we want to be in a relationship? Or we are simply afraid of not being in a one because everyone else is?

 

That few weeks or months is just a honeymoon period for both to discover each other more.

 

Both need to understand that in the end the relationship will transit to a lifetime companion.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Lusting Relationship]

Relationship: -

 

1) Sleep together. Enjoy waking up to see your love one sleeping next to you.

2) Two persons help to kill loneliness, be it during christmas, valentine or CNY and other festive days.

3) Shower together. Enjoy his body to the fullness, while his fans can only drool and dream of him being naked

4) A source of motivation, encouragement and inspiration during your down & depressing time.

5) Once in a blue moon, you wished there is someone to offer opnion and advices when you can't make an important decision.

 

6) A sense of security.  Two guys walking in the dark provide phsycological, physical and emotional security.

.

7) Sharing. Sometimes we were forced to buy more than what we needed due to discount. Two persons can share.

 

8) His presence, gave you excuses the avoid not popular events and thus not getting blame for being anti-social because you guys wanted to spend quality time together.

 

9)  Status.  Telling friends, straight or gay, that you are monogamously attached and enjoyed life as a couple.

 

10)   Sex fulfillment, as and when you needed it, it came in an instant - no pornography or tiresome cruising work.

 

11)   Referree -  for jobs, you can conspire with your buddy to provide your future employer with a good reference check on you.

 

12)  Tour,  nobody should be made to travel alone, your partner is a safe choice instead of travelling with strangers

 

13)  Buddy, to look after your house when you are away from home - due to work.

 

14)  When sick, he will help to buy meal or cook some soup for you.

 

15)  A buddy can be a guinea pig, to try out your new cooking skill.

 

16)  A sports buddy, jogging buddy, Taichi buddy or swimming buddy.

 

17)  Fetch you an umbrella from home when you are stuck in the storm.

 

18). Do laundry together.  Massage each other's back,  trim each other's unreachable pubic hair

 

The above non financial involvement, is good enough to create a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bigdanbeam]

Im sure you all hv seen this somewhere before

 

 

 

Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other where they want to go eat, until one of them dies.

[Angelix]

 

1 hour ago, kylegogo said:

We have friends whom we meet up regularly for various activities, dining, travel, movies, sports, etc. And even for sex!

 

We are essentially self-sufficient.

 

Even if we are lucky to find one, the relationship is doomed to fail in a few years, or we eventually open it up.

 

 

Man is by nature a social animal. We are not a single cell organism that can self replicate and thus no, we are not self sufficient. We all yearn someday to have someone to call our own and no matter how close you are with your "friends"; they are still not yours to have. It is just human nature for man/woman and not just gays to want a soulmate and there is nothing wrong with that. Although we circumvent the traditional family values but ultimately we still want to build a family so that we don't need to hunt for that warm body in a lonely night. Being gay is awesome, we can hookup pretty easily compared to the normal straight couples but how long we can continue the path before we get tired of the different faces and bodies every night? Would you want to be that guy who frequents the sauna to search for young bodies when he's in his 50s and 60s?

 

Secondly, you already have a preconceived idea of a gay relationship that is destined to fail in the end. A relationship that based on that ideology is simply not going to last long. I think a successful gay relationship is not rare at all because I have seen people been monogamous for 10 years plus. I even personally know a three-way relationship couples that adopt a child together and they have never been happier. We have different values when it comes to relationship, some people prefer to be monogamous while others prefer polygamy. It all boils down to whatever works best for you and your partner and communication is the key.

 

You might not want to have a partner at the moment but trust me, you will definitely want one in the future. It can be 5 years down the road or even 10 years later. No man is an island even if that man is gay.

[Guest 1+1=11]

16 minutes ago, bigdanbeam said:

Im sure you all hv seen this somewhere before

 

 

 

Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other where they want to go eat, until one of them dies.

Still better than one person eat until die. Right?

[Exynos]

you know, I've thought about this before too.

 

i don't think this is a concept or question that you can blanket and apply to everyone. ultimately, everyone is different, and our needs and motivations vary. don't waste time thinking what other people want. spend more time on figuring what you want.

 

you need to realize why you want to be in a relationship, and you can radiate the energy to attract people with similar motivations as yourself. obviously, there are some unhealthy reasons like running away from loneliness/problems, or believing that having a boyfriend can solve all your problems, or provide a validation.

 

I believe that a relationship is a business, and both parties must be in it for the same goals, believe in similar things, and willing to compromise whatever that is needed. good luck to you.

[D Nines]

There are many reasons for one to be in a relationship. Some may be as what someone had said to have a companion, while some for sexual reasons, and some treated it as a transaction. 

 

I have been single good with no relationship for about 9 years, during this 9 years I weighed the pros and cons of having a relationship. Sometimes I do blame myself for that failed relationship by telling myself I wasn't ready for relationship yet.

 

Now, as I have passed the big 3, and 9years gone, I evaluated myself and I think I am ready for relationship because:

1. I need companion, I enjoy someone who can take care of me and whom I can share my care.

2. Sexual needs need to be fulfilled. I won't want to sleep around with another person whom I have no feelings with or is not committed

 

Before you get into any relationship, ask yourself the intention of it, and whether you are ready for it. Thats the most responsible way to your partner as well as yourself.

[EasleyLim]

Because it's really worth the effort if they're good. It's like having a best friend, fuck buddy and deep companion all rolled into one. The silence is comfortable and the conversations are interesting. You have conversations in public without saying a word. You will fight. But in a good relationship, the fights are short, focused on the issue rather than the person, and are truly over when they're over. Sometimes both of you can even laughed at it in the future.

Edited August 17, 2016 by EasleyLim

[KENZ]

49 minutes ago, bigdanbeam said:

Im sure you all hv seen this somewhere before

 

 

 

Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other where they want to go eat, until one of them dies.

Not true.

Ever wonder why our aged parents or love ones feel so happy when we come back home to have dinner with them?

We could all have eaten alone eating the same food and just satisfy our stomach on a physical level.

But there is so much more going on unspoken, unseen when 2 or 3 gather together, our SOULS are being fed. Thats why relationships are important.

we are not zombies (got physical body but no soul) 

[Ener]

Try to stay longer the next one and see if it makes a difference? 

[Guest Touchy]

Relationship, allows me to be naked with another naked man and being able to touch and feel him all night long and for the rest of the life.

[Ener]

1 minute ago, Guest Touchy said:

Relationship, allows me to be naked with another naked man and being able to touch and feel him all night long and for the rest of the life.

Wahahahaha!!!! U can do that in a suana too, the bonus is your can even rotate between different naked menssssss. 

I like your kind of "relationship". 

[Guest Will]

Good to have but not mandatory.  Should find a younger one, so that he can take care of you till you passed away.  Just remember to show him your Will.  

[Guest :-(]

you want to live alone until you die with no soulmate to take care of you during times of support?

 

ok, you deserved to be alone and without a caring boyfriend who could be a listening ear being by your side

[doncoin]

I think one of the perks of a relationship is that emotional connection with someone special. Someone who you know will be there with you in times good and bad. Someone who will hold you when you need to be held. Someone who will catch you should you fall. 

 

Many people on this forum talked about open relationships after a few years, yes, it is a possibility. However what we rarely hear are gay couples who have been monogamous forever, and they do exist. Sex is one of the most intimate moments a couple can have. Making love to someone you love is very different to fucking someone at a sauna or an anonymous hookup. How exciting sex is between a couple takes work. Every couple fall into a pattern after a while, and patterns are stable and comforting because they are reliable. However you can always shake things up every so often to keep sex exciting. Both guys within the relationship need to put in work to keep things fun and exciting. 

 

I think it is within our biology to want to connect with another person, hence relationship. It is part of our survival, straight or gay or whatever. As self-sufficient as we can be, there will be times when we do need someone there, to cheer us up, to comfort us, to make us feel good about ourselves. We are not invincible, as much as we like to be. We cannot. 

 

Relationship takes work. It is not going to just happen. You need to put in effort to make it work. 

[Guest Pontiana]

5 hours ago, Ener said:

Wahahahaha!!!! U can do that in a suana too, the bonus is your can even rotate between different naked menssssss. 

I like your kind of "relationship". 

No leh, your relationship in "sauna" is restricted to its operation hour.  After that, you are alone again.  Besides, you need to pay to use the Sauna too. 

[Guest Bailey]

Sex of course. I can't think of anything else. If the partner is good at it and have a great body, face and big cock then sometimes it leads to marriage

[Guest 72%dark]

All this pro-relationship sentiment is very touching and all, but people should get to hear the other side of the story as well. (The one that usually isn't told because people only want to hear the feel-good stuff that burnishes their beliefs about this cherished institution).

 

Only one post, by @doncoin, mentions that relationships take effort to maintain. Every other post treats it in a selfishone-sided manner – all about what you can get out of it and nothing about what you bring to your partner and to the relationship.

 

But even putting in effort isn't a guarantee that it'll be everything you dream about. You can give the best years of your life and a great deal of effort but still find yourself in a relationship that is smothering, stifling, or even abusive. Or one that's become increasingly indifferent. If you think it's a miracle cure for loneliness, you've not had the experience of lying next to someone at night and feeling lonely; you've not had the experience of pouring your heart out to your partner and seeing no sign of comprehension/empathy in his eyes, or of talking and seeing boredom there. And even the availability of easy sex isn't a guarantee; your partner may not be interested in trying new things, or not even interested in sex anymore. 

 

At that point, you may even still 'love' your partner, but you might find yourself questioning the definition of 'love' rather than invoking it mindlesslylike a magic word.

 

[keyboard]

16 hours ago, kylegogo said:

I thought finding Mr. Right is just a number game and there's always someone better out there for me.

There will always be somebody better out there for you, simply, we all change at different parts of our lives.

 

I'm going to speak from the evolution point of view. As humans, we are socially evolved to bond as it has advantages. Men when going hunting need to go in groups so they are more protected or can take down animals larger than them. Women need to form bonds with their children and share the load in the harsh environment they live in and are "mostly" one-to-one relationships with a single man.

 

What you are seeing is the suggestion that monogamy works for the majority of the population and is what their religion, culture, social norms expect them to behave and do. Take a wedding vow for example.

 

"______, wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live?"

"In the name of God, I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

 

You are absolutely right that almost everyone in 1st world countries are self-sufficient. Thus new words like, single parent family, divorce rates going up, sexually transmitted diseases going up, gang-bang swingers rings, not to forget that weddings are big business that are worth billions a year for the economy.

 

Do you fear death?

You might have all that is going on for you now, how do you make that last till you die? Will you have the money (costing in inflation and economic/country stability) to say for sure you will have a group of friends when you are old and useless. Don't have to look far, look at the old people in chinatown at night sleeping on the streets, or the rental units where you need to live with strangers that they hate.

 

Most people don't think that far, what i think is that the novelty of fitting into society is the cause. Plus, the two things are basically at contradiction of each other.

Being gay (in the early US times), is to love everyone (including having sex with everyone),

Being gay (in a straight society), is to be like a "normal" straight-sex couple - go through the rites of passage.

[Guest Power Tongue]

15 hours ago, bigdanbeam said:

Im sure you all hv seen this somewhere before

 

 

 

Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other where they want to go eat, until one of them dies.

That's total BS! 

 

Youve be clearly never felt 'real' love? 

[Guest Fatty]

13 hours ago, Guest Will said:

Good to have but not mandatory.  Should find a younger one, so that he can take care of you till you passed away.  Just remember to show him your Will.  

But do younger guys want to be with you?

[inamoto]

unlike a straight relationship whereby the stages of progression is pretty much determined by the society, i.e date, get a flat, have kids etc, gay relationships are largely dependent on the individual's viewpoint on whether they require to be in a relationship or what constitutes a relationship.

 

For those who have a secret double life, (i.e. for those who are married and have kids), whether or not there is a relationship matters less as when they progress in life or meet challenges in life (like major illness episodes etc), they can fall back on their wife or kids. 

 

Gay relationships are often not made known to their family and social circle (non gay) and because we are not bounded by the traditional mindset of marriage, kids, co-ownership of net worth etc, how we choose to define gay relationships are also up to the individual. There is never a right or wrong, just a matter of mindset, preferences and choices. That, will drive our actions if and when we are in a relationship. 

 

so long as we think clearer of the long term consequences of our actions today, is good enough. Example: How we manage challenging situations in the future, if and when we are alone, without our immediate social support etc.  

 

For those who found a good other half, do treasure it and work hard at it to understand, and to be understood

 

 

 

Edited August 18, 2016 by inamoto

[Guest Million]

1 hour ago, Guest Fatty said:

But do younger guys want to be with you?

 

That depends how attractive is your Will.  A good figure is at least $1million.

[Guest Guest]

We laughed alot last nite while out for dinner, he squeezed my arm when I teased him about his bad habit while we were walking around, later at home I could feel him pulling the sheets and tucking me into bed when i dozed off while I was reading off my handphone earlier, the cares of the world disappears and I sleep soundly when he is in bed with me, i am amused when he snores and find it strangely comforting, he came out of the room to give me a hug when he noticed that I had woken up very early to settle some stuff...these small things make having a relationship worth it.

[bigdanbeam]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

We laughed alot last nite while out for dinner, he squeezed my arm when I teased him about his bad habit while we were walking around, later at home I could feel him pulling the sheets and tucking me into bed when i dozed off while I was reading off my handphone earlier, the cares of the world disappears and I sleep soundly when he is in bed with me, i am amused when he snores and find it strangely comforting, he came out of the room to give me a hug when he noticed that I had woken up very early to settle some stuff...these small things make having a relationship worth it.

Honeymoon still haven't over Mah

 

 

Tell us again if you are still amused by his snores in 2026

[lonelyglobe]

欣赏他的优点，包容他的缺点， 接受他的一切
明知世上没有十全十美，却依然执迷不悔

[Guest cockscrew]

On 8/17/2016 at 1:20 PM, kylegogo said:

If so, I wonder why do we want to be in a relationship? Or we are simply afraid of not being in a one because everyone else is?

What does your animal intinct tell you?  We all craved for companion, be it a relationship, friendship or kinship. However, relationship is deep by sex, kinship is thick by blood, friendship is whatever.

 

Which would you prefer of the above depending on your needs or don't need.

[Guest Just thinking]

2 hours ago, bigdanbeam said:

Honeymoon still haven't over Mah

 

 

Tell us again if you are still amused by his snores in 2026

 

Not sure.  But if there is such thing as true love, then yes, it can withstands the test of time.  His snores will still be as sexy as in 2016.

 

54 minutes ago, Guest cockscrew said:

What does your animal intinct tell you?  We all craved for companion, be it a relationship, friendship or kinship. However, relationship is deep by sex, kinship is thick by blood, friendship is whatever.

 

Which would you prefer of the above depending on your needs or don't need.

 

Whatever kind of relationship you craved for, better don't wait too long.  Once you reach your sunset years, no more ship will call at your port.