Jump to content
Male HQ

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'Relationship'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Bulletin Board
    • Blowing Wind Main Forum
    • Members' Lounge
    • Personals
  • Interest Groups
    • Blowing Wind IT Rest Room
    • Blowing Wind Imperial Kitchen
    • Travellers Hut
    • Massage & Grooming Services
    • Fitness & Health
  • Miscellaneous
    • Services, Biz & Useful Web Links
    • Archives
    • The Flaming Room
    • Test Forum
  • Pokemon Go's Trainers Club
  • Karaoke / Singing's Singing & Karaoke Discussion
  • Nintendo Switch Club's Game Zone
  • Nintendo Switch Club's Hardware Zone
  • Coding's .NET
  • Coding's Java
  • Coding's Javascript
  • Coding's Python
  • Coding's Ruby
  • Kpop's Any good music to recommend?
  • Penang Butterfly Club's Welcome and Introduction
  • Penang Butterfly Club's Topics
  • Penang Butterfly Club's Chat
  • Cat Lovers's About us
  • Cat Lovers's MeowSpams
  • PALJU Board Gamers's Board Games Discussion
  • PALJU Board Gamers's Meetups & Sessions
  • PALJU Board Gamers's General Discussion
  • Buy / Sell / Trade's Want To Buy
  • Buy / Sell / Trade's Want To Sell
  • Buy / Sell / Trade's Want To Trade
  • Crossdressers Cute Club's Discussion
  • Investments's General thoughts
  • MOBA Club's Dota 2
  • MOBA Club's Mobile Legends : Bang Bang
  • Jakarta Underground's Sharing what you have done in Jakarta
  • Sg wrestling's Wrestling match
  • Panther Club's BDSM for Beginners
  • Panther Club's BDSM Bullpen
  • Panther Club's BDSM Social
  • Gardening's Topics
  • Married / Daddies / Chaser's GENERAL
  • Married / Daddies / Chaser's PLAY SAFE
  • Married / Daddies / Chaser's SOCIAL GROUP
  • -Drink up-'s Welcome :)
  • Guys into malays/indian over 40s's Hi everyone,
  • Guys into malays/indian over 40s's Topics
  • Naked's Naked social group
  • Naked's General
  • Gay club's Topics love 3 some
  • Friends With Benefits's Intimacy
  • Friends With Benefits's Stories
  • Friends With Benefits's Cruising
  • SG Bakes!'s Photos of your master pieces
  • Racket Sports (Badminton / squash)'s Meet ups
  • Malaysian Indians's Indians let's meet
  • Serious Business / Entrepreneurs's Looking for Serious Business Partner in Men's Wear Tailoring Service
  • Threesome's Meet up
  • Vietnamese in Singapore's Topics
  • Crystal Lover's Topics
  • Gemstones's Topics
  • Football/Soccer's Topics
  • Public Fetish's Public Places in Singapore?
  • Mature men's Btm
  • Dating / Friendship Club's Dating and friendship
  • Silver Fox On Fire's Real Time Meetup
  • JB Makan & Shopping's Makan & Shopping in JB
  • Hiking Club's Hiking Club
  • Swiming & Exercise Club's Swimming for health
  • Underwear fetish's Type of undies
  • Underwear fetish's Topics
  • Underwear fetish's Type of underwears that you prefer
  • SG Dudes Club's Testing
  • Decent Guys Over 35's What activities do you enjoy?
  • JB GROUP WANK CLUB's LOCATION OF WANKING PLACE IN JOHOR BAHRU
  • Seek TOP/Vers with place!'s Looking for TOP with place
  • Seek TOP/Vers with place!'s If you’re TOP/Vers can host.
  • Seek TOP/Vers with place!'s Topics
  • Cock Photos's Upload your cock photos here
  • Cock photos ( big ,thick, long )'s Topics
  • public toilet fun's Topics
  • KL Public/Outdoor Exhibit's Topics
  • Nudists Fetish's Topics
  • Nudists Fetish's Nude pic fetish
  • Nudists Fetish's Topics
  • Nudists Fetish's Topics
  • Nudists Fetish's Topics
  • Movie Club's Reviews, Recommendations, Rants
  • Superhero humiliated and forced extraction series fetish / Zentai suits / Harnesses's Superhero Videos Links
  • Vegetarian's Vegeterian
  • Small Dick Club's Small Dick Club
  • Male Pageant Authority's Main Forum
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Global
  • Male Pageant Authority's Manhunt International
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister World
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister International
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Supranational
  • Male Pageant Authority's Men Universe Model
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Universal Ambassador
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister United Continents
  • Male Pageant Authority's Man of the World
  • Male Pageant Authority's Man of the Year
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Globe
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Universe Tourism
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister National Universe
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Model Worldwide
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Gay World
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Lebanon
  • Male Pageant Authority's Bachelor of Malaysia
  • Male Pageant Authority's Misters of Filipinas
  • Male Pageant Authority's Beam Search
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister International Korea
  • Male Pageant Authority's Rubaru Mr. India
  • Male Pageant Authority's Muž Roku
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Brasil CNB
  • Male Pageant Authority's Mister Chile
  • 30 Day Challenge - Habit Formation's 30 Day Minimalism Game
  • 30 Day Challenge - Habit Formation's 21 Days of Less
  • 30 Day Challenge - Habit Formation's Declutter Challenge

Calendars

  • BW Calendar
  • Seek TOP/Vers with place!'s Top/Vers can host.

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


Website


Skype


Facebook


Twitter


Instagram


Location


Interests


Looking For

  1. Veloster

    Phonesex

    Anyone for phone sex...fit or toned bi guys or gay ...pics required...anyone from 21 to 38 ....
  2. I am finding so difficult to approach a Bangla or Indian workers for a quick bj for their big cocks. Can you guys share tips...... I could not find any latest forums on this.
  3. “但爱像泡沫 如果能够看破 有什么难过” 走过 笑过 甜过 爱过 背叛 原谅 背叛 再原谅 背叛 再原谅 因为我没真正爱过我自己 气过 恨过 难过 放过 因为我没有想象的那么可怜 没有爱 我还是我爱的我 at 19, I met my first bf. then I went into the army and we parted at 24, I met my second bf. then after 23 years, we broke up had I knew that all will end as such, I would not have invested everything now I invest nothing time is short and precious, I'll move bolder and live happier love is now for the young and idealistic p.s. At my younger days, Thanks to @DMassage I've gotten some really good advice which is still very useful today 😃
  4. Time Should I waste my time on you who i can't control Should i waste my time on things that is of my beyond Can't we see the time that went tick tock Is this the right time or is it not? They say time flows like a stream To a land where there are many dreams But you told me you did like to be a place full of surprises and supremes There are no other choices but this is the way its seems. I do not know what to say The world is so full of grey You say I am imperfect and this I know Yet I still think you are gold I may be kind and silly but it’s not fine. Your avoidant ways clearly shows through time Time will reveal who you are And you can really be a pain in the arse Letting you go should keep you afar As there is nothing left to be my fuss Finally I can get on my path. E.T. 13.01.2019
  5. 很难说得上是幸福还是不幸福。一如异性婚姻,也不知能一齐走完人生路的能有几个?可以肯定的,已婚而有白头偕老的居多,因为有法律保障,也有子女牵制。但我偏偏还是对上了一个已婚的好男人。怎么办?
  6. This is a collective plea from all of us here at BW for you readers to share your sexual experiences. Come on don't be shy! I am sure everyone has some unique experiences to share. Do not worry about writing in broken english. It in fact provides a distinctive flavour to the post. Since we have allowed posting to be made anonymously (you do not need to be a registered member to post), your identity will not be exposed. I am attaching an example of a great post written in somewhat working class singlish. Up to today, I get hard reading it. I am sure many of you guys have similar stories to tell. Kindly share. ==================================================================== SteamedFish Unregistered User (4/8/04 7:23 am) FishingMan Last weekend I was drinking with friends at the NTUC Club. When we said goodbye, I thought I'll go to the nearby seaside to get some fresh air. There are some lovers and 2 men fishing. I walked to the far side to sit near the man to see how was his luck. The lights were quite dim but I can see him. Quite a stout chap with a handsome fair face about 30+. After a while, he got up, unzipped and peed into the sea. Hehe, I of course looked at his cock. Nice. He saw me that. He sat down and carried on his fishing. I asked him got any fish. He said no but got cheekopek. I know he was referring to me. But I was thick-skinned. I said we all men why say until like that? See also no harm right. He said don't know why ah quas like to peep at him. Happened so many time already. I said he's handsome, that's why. He say he old cock liao and got 2 children already. So I say he got man flavor. He said I got very sweet mouth. Is it I want to makan him. I say I dare not, wait he beat me up. He said don't bluff, last time that kelong owner also behaved like me. Seems like he's got naughty story so I asked him to tell me. He said last time he fishing at Changi, got one man saw him and told him he got kelong and he can fish there many fish. Since he said it's free, so he went because the kelong's nearby. When they got on the kelong, there were 2 workers there. The owner told them to go mainland to do something so they left. While he's fishing, he caught many fishes. The owner took a big pail to put in the fishes. But one time, he accidentally spill water on him. The owner said sorry and told him to wash with the clean pail of water. He said here nobody so can just wash naked nobody see also. So he got naked and washed. Then the owner also strip naked and his cock was hard already. He said he also want to wash. So they washed. Then the owner washed his back for him. Then told him to relax while he massage his back. He put a big canvas cloth on the floor and told him to lie down. He told the owner he's not gay. The owner said never mind, only help him relax. The owner massaged until his cock stand also. Quite nice. Then he asked him want to release fire or not? He said no. But the owner already shaking his cock until he cums. The owner also masturbated till he cummed. I said his story made me steamed. He said he also steamed. He asked me whether I got let people play backside. I said very seldom. He said he want to fxxk my backside. I said cannot, here so dangerous. He said I am so hamsup, he want to fxxk me also think twice. Wait he changed his mind then it's too late. So I said go someplace can or not? He said can if not far away. So he kept his fishing line and carried his big bag. We walked to Marina South and saw a big lorry park that's quite dim. There's one big lorry so we climbed on. He lay his canvas on the floor and we striped naked. He asked why I not shy to let men fxxk. I said not always but must be handsome like him then I willing. If not, then I don't want also. He laughed, like that he can fxxk any men if he want. I asked he got condom or not. He said no. He say how? I said if not then we just shake out. He said cannot that means he not handsome enough is it? I said no condom dangerous. He said I clean backide or not? I said should be, I washed before going out. He said he got plenty of water. He said he has an idea. He took out a plastic bag and inside was a big sandwich wrapped in lots of cellophane. He carefully removed the cellophane and put the sandwich back into the plastic bag. He wrapped the cellophane a few times round his cock and tie round his balls. I touched it and it felt quite strong with the few layers. He said I am like a wolf. But then no lube. Again he opened the sandwich bag and took out the small piece of wrapped butter. Wah lan eh, he said this time it is like people said I "bua" butter on my backside and kan karchng. I must say he's quite a good fxxker with all the right moves. I got my legs on his shoulders and told him he's good. He smiled and pumped me slow and fast. First I cummed then he after. We used his water to wipe clean and put on our clothes. He said it was fun. I said next time we better go hotel. ======================================================================
  7. Lately, it seems that the more I make up my mind to live a Life that makes sense to me, the more I must isolate myself from certain shared activities. And these decisions sometimes hurt and I ask myself am I being selfish? I sometimes feel obligated participating in what is ment to be leisure, and I find myself getting increasingly angry and resentful. What's going on here? I enjoy it when I make time for some solitary recreation, yet I fear being seen as unobliging or even stuck-up when I place my own needs foremost. Why? I admit that I used to enjoy being needed - but lately I am finding it a pain, and I even rationalize away calls for help. Am I so uncharitable? Perhaps it is the innate call to start focusing on what I want to have and experience in my own Life - I'm afterall turning 30 soon. Is this is simply the inexorable pull of Life calling? I do not know... All I know is lately I keep asking myself when am I going to stop talking about doing it and start doing it? Or maybe I am just overloaded and need more than ever to get away from it all...
  8. When things get hard… We’ve #GotYouCovered A Wingman is somebody who looks out for you and is there for you through all your ups and downs in life: Be it on social events, sexual encounters, mental matters or even other areas. A Wingman is someone whom you can confide in about your sexual experiences, without fear of judgment because you know they have your best interests at heart. You also know that they will be able to help you make the best decision for your sexual health. A Wingman is someone who guides you through the good & bad days. They are, after all, your pillar of support and you know you can depend on them because they love you for go to the link to claim your free test coupon for your friend(s)! http://www.gayhealth.sg/wingman/
  9. what are your views with sex with colleagues? I got friends who are VERY scared of bumping into colleagues when cruising. I understand if they are toilet cruising but what if you are in a gay spa? What is there to be afraid of? If they are there, they are also gay? If so, will you have sex with them?
  10. I have been thinking for quite some time now that we have Singapore's Gay Missed Connection. Why not we make a Malaysia Edition for Malaysian gays?
  11. Good day, I had created a telegram group for Malaysian to social, or talk anything there, well, you know what it is. Please feel free to join https://t.me/joinchat/OmcZiR2givmEbIYsEi-Pxw See ya
  12. Hey guys, I need advice to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We never had anal sex from the start and it bothers me. I did told him that i miss getting fuck but he always told me to give him time. He did have problem with getting an erection. He tried supplements that i bought for him like tongkat ali and maca and some supplements from the States he bought himself. It does help a bit but the erection will be gone fast. Sometimes he asked me whether I would like to get another guy to fuck me and he just watch. I reject the offer all the time and told him I am willing to wait for him to heal. I am not willing to do it with other guy because it feels like cheating. I mean that would be an open relationship instead and I only want him and not other guy to have me on bed especially having sex. Maybe I just sound selfish and conservative but it is the way I am treating my partner all this time. I hope you guys here can share some tips on how to handle this. Any product that is good for erection? I scare that if this problem gets prolong it will end up with him having erectile dysfunction.
  13. Hi, I'm turning 43 soon, 181, 89kg Chinese. I was wondering if anyone wan to date me out, maybe blind dates over some nice dinners/movies? I'm attracted to matured, discreet, intellectual and straight acting tops . PM me , telegram @yoyQq
  14. Open Relationships: What People Don’t Want You To Know 17th Oct 2013 While my “Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make” can be both controversial and loved, allot of people have problems with the whole “Open relationships are a mistake thing.” Allot of opinions have arisen from simply assuming I was telling you to NOT be in an open relationship. That’s not the case at all. However, I was telling you that open relationships can be excuses to not work on your relationship or just a reason to fuck around. And as I read all of your comments good and bad, I have to say I call bullshit on some. Allot of gays try to copy and re-enact my “mistakes” (unsuccessfully might I add) but most opinions are more complicated than mines. And yes, I said opinions. These are my opinions. But the difference between a human sexuality lesson, an angry gay who shoots down any advice, and life experiences is that the latter is a huge part of who we are as people. We did not learn about sex from Phys. Ed. We learned it from life experiences both personally and what we’ve observed. I’ve seen many open relationships in my lifetime and I can say first hand that my first “mistake” is truly a real one. Many gays don’t like to say it, but they do get into an open relationship because they make too many excuses. They don’t like to think they make mistakes so they use defense mechanisms. But the truth is, open relationships while they aren’t always a bad thing, they can be detrimental. What I’ve seen in most of my friendships with couples who mostly have open relationships is: lack of respect towards one another, a flame gone out, a inability to get out of that Peter Pan syndrome and trying to fix something that’s already broken. A reader informed me today that there are “studies” that open relationships DO work. Well of course they do! You get to have a meaningful relationship and then sleep around. Sounds like a win win situation if I ever saw any. But how about we take the hand away that covers the sky and get to the facts: STD’s are easily spread through open relationships, and if there is a “you do you but don’t tell me about it” that many open relationships employ, then you have a very real chance of contracting a disease whether you agree or not. Open relationships always seem to be a sweet spot for many people LGBT and straight because you can have your cake and eat it too. There is this notion that open relationships are extremely healthy and you can lead a normal life and be just fine doing it. Most of these opinions come from Metropolitan gays who either populate Chelsea, San Fran or any other heavily populated gay areas. They have tons of men at their disposal especially with all these apps and websites. So you tell me. It might just seem like being in an open relationship is pretty new normal to you too right? But what about gay men who don’t have tons of bars and clubs in handy? What happens when they want to be in an open relationship and they can only find a handful of men in their area? Is it the same “study” as the one a reader mentioned previously? You see certain gay men go by the “there is no right and wrong and your words don’t mean shit” method. They are threatened by the truth and by the very foundation of what an open relationship means. While exploring your sexuality and doing whatever you want is fine including an open relationship, it just seems like the typical scapegoat answers to prove a point. It’s just like when a Christian goes to the bible to use a verse to back their own special point of view. Open relationships are fine. You can have multiple partners and if your boyfriend or husband is fine with it, go for it. But common sense really needs to kick in or I’d be happy to get jumper cables for your brain. Every open relationship I know has by tradition become meaningless and existential. It is as much of a fad as MC Hammer pants. Its always a good idea when you think about it, not a good one when you actually do it. Let’s have some examples. Your boyfriend comes home to surprise you with dinner and some alone time but you’re fucking a stranger or your usual go to fuck buddy. In a porn mentality it just seems like a dream come true. But think about it. You are fucking a person you don’t know versus the person you love who wants to spend time with you. You start to lose respect for what matters. You start to lose the fact that you really love your boyfriend’s body even if time has passed. You are saying that your boyfriend is no longer sexy enough to look at every night. That monogamy is only for boring people. That having another person in your bed fulfills your relationship when in fact it only satisfies what you want. There are even times when even though you’ve both agreed to having an open relationship one feels left out or afraid to say “I don’t want you to have sex with that guy tonight.” The addiction to knowing you can have anybody you want can feed your ego and it can make you forget how your partner is feeling. But let’s look at it from another angle. 5 years have passed and it seems like an open relationship is a perfect idea. All is going well and it has not at all disrupted the way you look at your lives. But what happens when you age and those club boys don’t want you anymore? What happens when you’ve slept with the whole tri-state area and you need to travel out to fuck more people? Is this a healthy relationship or are you fueling a sexual addiction? You really have to think about all these things. When will you say “I’m done with fucking other people I just want you.” What happens? Will your partner feel comfortable with that? Will he feel like going back to “normal” is okay or will he eventually leave you for someone more adventurous? Will you leave him for someone more adventurous? Anything you do that involves risky behavior has consequences. And there is a very real opportunity to fall in love with someone else, spend more time with other men, or really devalue the worth of who you’re with at the moment. It means its okay for you to randomly flirt and get to know other men without that attachment but we’re human and what if you find someone better, cuter, smarter, funnier? Than you’re basically saying to your partner “Be good to me or you might just get replaced.” From my very real observations with friends in the gay community who have been in open relationship or are currently in one, the following has happened: Estrangement: A very weird distance between the couple. They seem to be in love on the outside but something is always brewing on the inside. Random guys will come to their house and they’ve seemed to compete for their attention or they secretly get super jealous but still allow it to happen. This awkwardness stems from so much open trust that you lose control of what’s happening and it just down spirals. You don’t know where he is what he’s doing, but you can’t ask him either because if he says something you don’t like you have to go with it. Social Status & Money: Some friends that are in open relationships always complain about one another when the other is not around. They seem to always say that the other can be replaced whether it be money issues or friendships. There is a total lack of respect and a lack of responsibility. The couple starts to experience this emotional detachment. They start to be void and empty and shallow and have excuses they think seem valid. Friends Or Fuck Buddies: Once the couple is knee deep in the open relationship they can’t differentiate whether they can keep a friend or not. They seem to only stick to people who are either unattractive or totally brother material as friends. Any other friend is possibly a target to fuck. The class goes out the window and its a free pass to suck the dick of that hot friend you’ve always borderline flirted with before. It just seems like the world is a personal playground and friendships aren’t options anymore until you’ve fucked the friend and then you don’t want to be around him anymore. Awkward Moments: As I mentioned before, I’ve had friends who have asked me to the bar or club with them because their boyfriend was hosting a fuck buddy at home. They then tell me how this is annoying and how this cannot go on. They tell me they’ve found dirty underwear, empty condom wrappers, dirty sheets and missing money. What really happens is that while you may think you have control of something has now spiraled into no man’s land, or ALL MAN’S LAND. Arguments A Plenty: When the friends I knew had open relationships, they seemed to always have something to fight about. It just seemed deeper and angrier than other arguments. They start throwing all this dirt and one finds out the partner slept with close friends and the other partner feels betrayed. They can’t look at the other partner in the eye and not be disgusted. But the problem is they call certain things cheating and other things NOT cheating so its plenty to get a headache about. Now understand that all relationships are different but I guarantee EVERY open relationship will run through these problems because they are inevitable. I am all about having fun and doing what you want, but when it comes to the sake of analyzing this topic, all arrows point towards a Pandora’s Box. Some gay men may never face problems but that’s hard to believe. Some may have clever ways of dealing with it and saying they’ve never been through what I just mentioned (defense mechanism). But I guarantee, everything I said here will be scrutinized because the truth is the truth. But I rather tell you what other people don’t so you can see what other people know and don’t ever say. You might also want to read about : 7 Break-Up Mistakes Gay Men Make Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make Common Relationship Mistakes Emotionally Unavailable Gay Men Make
  15. Hi , I'm in early 40. Tall Decent looking chn. Consider myself good-natured soft spoken person. Hope to form discreet relationship/ friendship, with straight act and manly individuals. Look for someone whom can feel comfortable with and that can have deep intellectual conversation with. I may not be good at talking but i can be a good listener to You. PM for more if u r in 40 and 50s . I'm single fyi 🤠
  16. So i met this Vietnamese guy almost a year ago and we became FWB and it wasnt until December that i realised i liked him (i got angry at him when he jokingly said he met someone else besides me). We kinda had a fight after that and we didnt meet for like a month-til he came back on grindr to apologise. Ever since that incident i realised we became more close- sometimes after meeting up we would cuddle or just lay in his bed talking about random topics n he even asked me to eat with him once. Tbh i wasnt sure i liked him until he went back to Vietnam for CNY n i missed him like shit. Fast forward to now, we got a matching necklace. The problem now is that im not sure hes liking me back? There was a few instances that makes me think like: 1)At one point i told him jokingly that only my bf can f*ck me n he said then the only way is that he became my bf (or sth like that) 2) i jokingly asked him again (heh) that i feel attached to him n he replied with "i think you already know how i feel about you" which made me blush like shiit. Then just last week i told him about my ex texting me to meet again n he told me to go meet him if i want. ???? Any experts mind reading this lengthy post to evaluate? How should i respond? What should i do to further the rs??
  17. Hi all, I seek connection with any matured above 40s / Tall lean Chinese top. Hopefully you're discreet and decent looking. I'm 42, local Chinese. 181..90kg. PM me.
  18. Hi guys, how would you please a submissive top or be very a dominant btm?
  19. Confession Over the yrs, I am attracted to straight acting, decent, respectful and matured top. If the person is Handsome , discreet and intelligent all at the same times, that would definitely be plus points. As for u, What traits and personalities of men r attractive to You ?
  20. Hi , I'm local Chinese, in early 40s. Tall, STR acting looking.. stocky built. Consider myself good-natured person. To keep things less complicated, I hope to find a discreet relationship with straight acting/discreet individuals (top Chinese), preferably a rather long term arrangement. Someone who is intellectual is plus point Someone who share the same sediments so we can satisfy each other's needs, while going back to our families feeling physically and emotionally satisfied. I know it's hard but it is worth the shot. If you r looking for the same, we can meet up for coffee or a meal, and see where chemistry leads us Married, bi curious tops are welcome.
  21. 42 Chinese, and it has been hard for me. Any tots and views?
  22. It's comforting to know that even the royalities face the same problems as us. What a reassurance ! artile from 2/Jan's Nytimes (New york times) http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/f...lines-frontpage Vadodara, India — AS a maharajah's son, Manvendra Singh Gohil grew up in a bubble of prestige and privilege, surrounded by hangers-on who treated him so reverentially that he was 15 before he crossed a street by himself. So the public snubs and rejection of the last nine months have been a new experience. Yet the mild-mannered Gohil couldn't be more content. At last, he says, he is living an honest life — albeit one that has touched off a scandal in the royal house of Rajpipla, one of India's former princely states. Last March, he revealed a lifelong secret to a local newspaper, which promptly splashed it on the front page. "The headline was: 'The Prince of Rajpipla Declares That He's a Homosexual,' " Gohil said with a rueful chuckle. "The newspaper sold like hotcakes." In the uproar that followed, disgusted residents in Gohil's hometown flung his photograph onto a bonfire. His parents publicly disowned their only son, printing notices in the press that he was cut off as heir because of his involvement in "activities unacceptable to society." Gohil's mother has threatened contempt proceedings against anyone who refers to him as her son. For scandal-mongers, the tale of India's gay prince is an irresistibly juicy affair full of details worthy of a tabloid tell-all: his teenage affair with a servant boy, a sexless marriage to a minor princess, a nervous breakdown. For Gohil, his very public unmasking has brought him a bully pulpit from which to speak out against a law that makes him not just a pariah of noble birth but also a common criminal. Here in the world's largest democracy, home to 1.1 billion people, sex between two people of the same gender remains a punishable offense. Decades after India threw off the yoke of British rule, the country still clings to a Victorian-era statute established by its colonial masters nearly 150 years ago, which demands up to life in prison for anyone committing "carnal intercourse against the order of nature." In practice, few prosecutions are brought to court. But reports abound of police using the law to harass and blackmail gay men and lesbians. Human rights advocates, lawyers groups and the government's AIDS coordinator are lobbying for repeal or revision of the law. In September, dozens of Indian luminaries, including Nobel Prize-winning economist Amartya Sen and author Vikram Seth, added their voices to the campaign. Activists are guardedly hopeful about the chances of a legal challenge now pending before the Delhi High Court. A hearing is scheduled for this month. But even should they succeed, changing attitudes will prove a far harder task. Despite India's high-tech wizardry and its rising affluence, this remains a highly conservative and conformist society where most young people undergo arranged marriages, the pressure to produce children is enormous and no gay role models or TV shows like "Will & Grace" exist to offer a hint of an alternative. Those who feel different learn to keep it to themselves — and to feel guilt-stricken about it. "It's not uncommon among the young people we work with to ask, 'Is there a medicine that can make me stop feeling this way?' " said Anjali Gopalan of the Naz Foundation, an AIDS organization that has taken a leading role in the fight to decriminalize homosexuality. "The law compounds all of this. It creates an environment for people to feel like this." The criminalization of homosexuality makes it difficult to set up social venues where gays can meet. Even in the nation's capital, New Delhi, a thriving metropolis of 15 million people, there are only two bars that host furtive, word-of-mouth gay nights just once a week, usually under the protective guise of a "private party" for some fictitious person. Those nights are packed. * GOHIL, 41, would seem an unlikely spokesman for bucking the system, one from which he has benefited handsomely. Although India's royal families were stripped of formal political power after the nation's independence in 1947, many retain enormous wealth and influence in their former fiefdoms, as smiling ribbon-cutters and patrons of the arts, education and charitable work. Gohil's parents, the maharajah and maharani of Rajpipla, a predominantly agricultural town of about 70,000 people in the western state of Gujarat, are the community's biggest landowners and have several palaces to their name, including a majestic, salmon-pink creation, complete with columns and balconies, that was Gohil's home when he was a toddler. (It's now a hotel owned by the family.) He lived a cocooned existence there and at the family residence in Mumbai, spending his childhood absorbing the finer points of royal protocol and etiquette, attending the finest schools and being waited on hand and foot. "It was so luxurious that even a glass of water I didn't have to go and get for myself," he said. By age 12, Gohil had already been invited to be guest of honor at a local school event. Around the same time, he began sensing that something besides his aristocratic background set him apart from his peers. "Somewhere inside me I felt I was different than others," he said in an interview at his office here in Vadodara, about 1 1/2 hours from Rajpipla. "When I came to the age where you develop sexual attraction to the opposite sex, I had the feeling that I'm not attracted to the opposite sex but the same sex." In India, talk of such intimate matters is taboo. At school, sex education for Gohil consisted of an embarrassed teacher telling her students about the sexual development of animals as a stand-in for human sexuality. Gohil's first clue to his own identity came from a classmate when he was 14. "A boy from my class, out of observation or what, one day came and asked me, 'Are you a homo?' I had not heard this word before. I said, 'What? I don't know,' " Gohil recalled. "I went home and looked it up in the dictionary, and it wasn't there." He didn't have the words to describe his impulses, but as a young teen he found a way to act on them at home with a servant boy his own age, an orphan whom Gohil's grandmother had taken under her wing. The two boys maintained a secret relationship until they were about 18, Gohil said. * AFTER his graduation from university, the pressure on Gohil to marry mounted as his parents expected their only son to carry on the Rajpipla line and assume his duties as custodian of the family's royal heritage, which stretches back 600 years. A suitable wife could manage the household, making sure that the heirlooms, the china and the sumptuous royal costumes were kept up to snuff. Gohil's father, the maharajah, and his mother, from a royal family in Rajasthan, scouted out potential mates, settling on a princess from the state of Madhya Pradesh. Gohil, then 25, agreed to the match, which quickly turned out to be a disaster. He felt no physical attraction for his wife and could not consummate their marriage. Her efforts to seduce him ended in tears. She even dragged Gohil to a doctor, but after 15 humiliating months of their being together yet not together, divorce became the only way out. As she left, his ex-wife gave Gohil one piece of advice: Never do this to another woman. But it took years for Gohil to summon the nerve to contact a well-known gay activist in Mumbai, formerly Bombay. Slowly, the young royal began tiptoeing out of the closet, deepening his involvement in the gay community and becoming an HIV counselor to other homosexual men. "My parents thought I was in yoga school, but I would be out distributing condoms," he said. Nonetheless, the increasing strain of pretending took its toll. His parents were on the hunt for a second wife, and residents in Rajpipla constantly asked Gohil whether he came bearing "good news" whenever he visited from Mumbai, unaware of the activities and friendships he was pursuing. In 2002, Gohil suffered a nervous breakdown, spending 15 days in the hospital. At the end of it, his sympathetic psychiatrist arranged for his parents, his sister and her husband to come for a family meeting during which, at Gohil's request, the doctor informed the family of his sexual orientation. "It was very, very emotional, very disturbing," he said. "They were all crying. They were still not willing to believe that this thing was true." Since then, Gohil has thrown himself into HIV/AIDS work through the Lakshya Trust, an organization he founded in 2000. It was partly to raise the profile of the group that Gohil decided to come out publicly. His straight friends were shocked to find out he was gay. His gay friends were shocked to find out he'd been married. For his parents, it was the last straw. He is no longer on speaking terms with his mother. His father, despite disinheriting him, has softened slightly, declaring in a newspaper interview that he had felt pressured by friends and relatives into taking such a drastic step and describing Gohil as "a gifted individual" and "a good son." The two men still speak occasionally, but their conversations are awkward. Gohil believes that his parents cannot legally prevent ancestral possessions from passing into his hands. Geeta Luthra, a leading civil lawyer in New Delhi, agrees. "If it's ancestral property, then in India … nobody can disinherit you," she said. "Custom is a part of the law in India, and the custom among princely families is the principle of primogeniture. So you can't deprive him" of his inheritance. Despite the controversy surrounding his coming-out, Gohil has continued to receive invitations to attend functions in his royal capacity. During the recent interview, Gohil happily showed off a photo of himself in traditional regalia: an elegant ivory suit on his slender frame, a large red turban complete with ostrich feather on his head, a double strand of pearls around his neck and a broad smile on his face, though whether it was out of the general Indian love of pageantry or a personal sense of fabulousness is hard to tell. * AN introvert by nature, Gohil enjoys nothing more than quiet time on his farm on the outskirts of Rajpipla, where he cultivates a passion for organic farming — his primary source of income — and practices the harmonium. He says he has "no regrets at all" over his decisions or the very public consequences that followed. Rather, he has finally been able to put on a little weight, offers for dates have started coming in and the Lakshya Trust just won an award from the United Nations. Representatives of the media keep calling, and a cheerful, newly liberated Gohil appears to enjoy telling his story. To those in Rajpipla who might still harbor reservations about their patron-in-waiting, he waves an indifferent hand. "They cannot get a prince on hire. I am the prince, and whether I am gay or not gay is hardly the issue," Gohil said. "I'm the only son — there are no cousins or brothers they can go to. They have to come back to me." * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- henry.chu@latimes.com
×
×
  • Create New...