Boyfriend with low sex drive

[Guest ahwee123456]

On 10/24/2017 at 5:25 PM, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Hi guys, me and my long distance bf meet once a month during the weekends. The first day when we meet we will have sex. But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me. He prefers to just cuddle and sometimes light make out.  Me on the other hand, have high sexual drive and prefer to have at least a welcome and farewell sex. I really do like him but we are having conflict of interest when it comes to sex. Anyone had/having similar issue? If yes, how did you guys overcome/solve it?

I experience the same 

[derryfawne]

Different bloke, different stroke.

 

Both should compromise and stroke at a frequency which satisfies both.

[Guest Guest]

Maybe you are not attractive enough for your bf to have the desire to have sex with you often.

[Guest concern]

consult goddess of mercy

[Guest Hole]

Just rim him for hours, that will get him going! 

[unicornwithmane]

Some people just prefer not to do anal. I have a friend who only makes out and gives bj to his bf. Luckily his bf also prefers the same. They values the companionship more.

 

I personally feel like the more I am attached to someone, the less it is about sex. When I hook up, it's pure sex, but when I'm attached I somehow feel like I have to respect that person more and not "use" them for sex only.

 

Ask your bf for his preferences. Or maybe your bf is just tired. Or prefers having quality time compared to spending an hour or two full of non-sense moaning for several seconds of orgasm.

[Guest :-(]

change bf is the answer to yours and his future needs differences

[fab]

On 27/10/2017 at 1:35 AM, yoyo74 said:

I will feel very uncomfortable if girls come and touch me. At one point when my friend suddenly introduce his girlfriend to me and she suddenly come shake my hands, i was unprepared for the contact. I dont want to shake hands with girls but dont want to be rude so i move my hand forward. My whole body is stiff with shiver and upon contact i pull back my hands immediately. This cause my friend and his girlfriend to laugh at me. After that i told myself i need to be mentally prepare to shake hands with girls in case such things happen again. Now i am mentally prepared so no more of this embarrassment happen again.

 

U may ve a psychological issue if u have problem shaking hands with female socially.

 

I don't mean mental illness but its something u must overcome.

 

[yoyo74]

5 hours ago, fab said:

 

U may ve a psychological issue if u have problem shaking hands with female socially.

 

I don't mean mental illness but its something u must overcome.

 

Overcome already, just had to be mentally prepared for it and not a suddenly a girl come shake hand for no reason

[fab]

8 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

Overcome already, just had to be mentally prepared for it and not a suddenly a girl come shake hand for no reason

 

Much as u r gay, there's no reason to be afraid of women, especially their hands.

 

Unless it is their pussies touching u. 

Edited November 7, 2017 by fab

[yoyo74]

Just now, fab said:

 

Much as u r gay, there's no reason to be afraid if women, especially their hands.

 

Unless it is their pussies touching u. 

I think is the same reason why we are attracted to guys and not woman, just that each person reaction is different when face with both sex

[fab]

Attraction i can understand. But your unnecessary fear or uneasiness, i can't.

 

True enough, i will feel uncomfortable if any random person comes to touch me, but it should be regardless of genders.

[yoyo74]

2 minutes ago, fab said:

Attraction i can understand. But your unnecessary fear or uneasiness, i can't.

 

True enough, i will feel uncomfortable if any random person comes to touch me, but it should be regardless of genders.

Actually to add on guys who i am not attracted to comes to touch me i also will feel uncomfortable and uneasiness but to a lesser extend than girls.

[Guest 72%dark]

This is a typical issue that many couples – gay or straight – face, and unfortunately there's no solution that's both simple and without drawbacks/sacrifices/compromises.

 

The short answer is that you and your BF need to be clear about the things that each of you need and expect from the other person, and which of those things must be found within the relationship.

 

Most people take for granted the modern ideal of romantic couplehood—that two people can find in each other everything that they seek for their companionship needs: affection and concern; support and intimacy (emotional and physical); shared interests and likes; compatible aspirations, lifestyles, personalities and habits; sexual chemistry; etc.

 

If someone is unwilling to consider the possibility that these different needs might be met by different people at the same time, then they're essentially stuck with the conventional monogamous relationship. And if their partner within such a relationship isn't able to fulfill all of those needs, that's when some kind of extra effort needs to be made to address that.

 

The first logical step therefore is to ascertain whether the relationship is worth holding on to, and if so, whether it will continue under the same terms or be modified. For TS, let's say your BF is wonderful in every other respect, and the only issue is sex.

 

The standard advice you'll get from a relationship counselor is to start an honest and calm discussion on the topic with each other, and work out how both of you can come to a compromise, e.g. by TS lowering his expectations for sex to a frequency that is perhaps less than his ideal but is one that his BF is realistically able to meet by making a greater effort to be more sexual.

 

Naturally, if the relationship is otherwise healthy and worth saving, this should be an option to seriously pursue. TS would then have a little more sex with his BF (and perhaps have to deal with any residual sexual frustration by masturbation or meditation or whatever). If this works in the long run, then everyone lives happily ever after, end of story.

 

What makes sex a bit tricky, though, is that it's rarely a purely physical thing, and moreover it's something that's very hard to 'fake' or just 'get it over and done with' out of a sense of duty. Particularly within the context of a relationship, it's very much tied up with feelings of passion and intimacy and vulnerability. In the long run, a person who is very 'sexual', who needs to feel that sense of passion and intimacy through the physical connection, may begin to feel a sense of alienation from his partner because the partner doesn't respond in that physical way. It becomes possible to feel lonely and unfulfilled even though one is in an otherwise loving relationship. This is the point at which relationship counsellors will suggest trying to "rekindle the spark" and suggest romantic activities and such.

 

If after trying those options out it still doesn't work, and the couple still wants to remain together, that's when people start exploring other options like open relationships, where your partner is the person with whom you share your emotional connection but someone else or other people fill your sexual needs. (Without going into the hairy details, the biggest stumbling block to this option is usually trust.)

 

Some people think this defeats the purpose of being in a relationship, though that assumes that a relationship should be an all-or-nothing proposition. In any case, for such a person, then it means making a clear-headed assessment of the importance of sex in his love life, and looking for someone else to be with whose sexual needs are on par.

 

 

P.S. Contrary to what some of the other commenters have said, I don't think TS should jump to the conclusion that his BF is necessarily cheating on him. Some people do genuinely have lower sex drives than others. Even the same person can experience a decrease in libido over time, due to aging or other factors like stress and so on.

[a_sian]

I have the same issue w you. my bf n I tgt for 2 years plus. He doesn't like kiss, hug, and have sex with me. He told me about he doesn't like the saliva to saliva mix which I can understand some ppl dun like this kinda things. but then when going to sex part, we can never have sex for few months even tho we stay tgt. For myself I kinda high sex drive person. but I dun think he had low sex drive, cuz when we start knowing each other we are quite often to have sex.  but now is like few months once, kinda make me crazy. For some reasons I found that he likes to flirt w ppl and want jerk off or have sex with them, when I'm trying to hints him about I kinda horny he will just ignore me. (i feel kinda sad cuz he rather jo n have sex w others)

we did talk about this thing, he will give me many excuses and jump to another topic. 

[Balestier]

2 hours ago, a_sian said:

I have the same issue w you. my bf n I tgt for 2 years plus. He doesn't like kiss, hug, and have sex with me. He told me about he doesn't like the saliva to saliva mix which I can understand some ppl dun like this kinda things. but then when going to sex part, we can never have sex for few months even tho we stay tgt. For myself I kinda high sex drive person. but I dun think he had low sex drive, cuz when we start knowing each other we are quite often to have sex.  but now is like few months once, kinda make me crazy. For some reasons I found that he likes to flirt w ppl and want jerk off or have sex with them, when I'm trying to hints him about I kinda horny he will just ignore me. (i feel kinda sad cuz he rather jo n have sex w others)

we did talk about this thing, he will give me many excuses and jump to another topic. 

Sick of you. Period

[Guest Leave]

On 23/11/2017 at 5:30 PM, a_sian said:

I have the same issue w you. my bf n I tgt for 2 years plus. He doesn't like kiss, hug, and have sex with me. He told me about he doesn't like the saliva to saliva mix which I can understand some ppl dun like this kinda things. but then when going to sex part, we can never have sex for few months even tho we stay tgt. For myself I kinda high sex drive person. but I dun think he had low sex drive, cuz when we start knowing each other we are quite often to have sex.  but now is like few months once, kinda make me crazy. For some reasons I found that he likes to flirt w ppl and want jerk off or have sex with them, when I'm trying to hints him about I kinda horny he will just ignore me. (i feel kinda sad cuz he rather jo n have sex w others)

we did talk about this thing, he will give me many excuses and jump to another topic. 

Consider leaving him... No point

[Guest Poor boy]

My boyfriend dont even wan sex...

[hellopanda]

I’m attached with my bf for about 3.5 years, we started living under one roof since 2.5 years ago. And now I only get 2 times a month, i will initiate to have sex or even just make out but always get rejected. The only time i get what i want was when he wanted it. I tried talking to him and the reason he gave was “i’m tired”, “i have low sex drive” and etc. He always claimed he will improve a little more but unfortunately it never actually happened. I know sex is not everything but it cant be nothing at all?? We are only 27/29, i honestly cant imagine if we were to walk more years together, we might only end up having sex once in 3-4 years. Honestly, this is frustrating and i do not know how long more can i hold on.

 

[hellopanda]

On 23/11/2017 at 5:30 PM, a_sian said:

I have the same issue w you. my bf n I tgt for 2 years plus. He doesn't like kiss, hug, and have sex with me. He told me about he doesn't like the saliva to saliva mix which I can understand some ppl dun like this kinda things. but then when going to sex part, we can never have sex for few months even tho we stay tgt. For myself I kinda high sex drive person. but I dun think he had low sex drive, cuz when we start knowing each other we are quite often to have sex.  but now is like few months once, kinda make me crazy. For some reasons I found that he likes to flirt w ppl and want jerk off or have sex with them, when I'm trying to hints him about I kinda horny he will just ignore me. (i feel kinda sad cuz he rather jo n have sex w others)

we did talk about this thing, he will give me many excuses and jump to another topic. 

We are in the freaking same boat

[a_sian]

On 11/25/2017 at 2:40 AM, hellopanda said:

I’m attached with my bf for about 3.5 years, we started living under one roof since 2.5 years ago. And now I only get 2 times a month, i will initiate to have sex or even just make out but always get rejected. The only time i get what i want was when he wanted it. I tried talking to him and the reason he gave was “i’m tired”, “i have low sex drive” and etc. He always claimed he will improve a little more but unfortunately it never actually happened. I know sex is not everything but it cant be nothing at all?? We are only 27/29, i honestly cant imagine if we were to walk more years together, we might only end up having sex once in 3-4 years. Honestly, this is frustrating and i do not know how long more can i hold on.

 

10

 

Totally can feel you. i cant imagine after few years more later, we end up nvr have sex anymore... 
I tried to talk to him, he just ignores me. 

[hellopanda]

4 hours ago, a_sian said:

 

Totally can feel you. i cant imagine after few years more later, we end up nvr have sex anymore... 
I tried to talk to him, he just ignores me. 

He ignore me too. 

[BlueKevin]

On 23/11/2017 at 5:30 PM, a_sian said:

I have the same issue w you. my bf n I tgt for 2 years plus. He doesn't like kiss, hug, and have sex with me. He told me about he doesn't like the saliva to saliva mix which I can understand some ppl dun like this kinda things. but then when going to sex part, we can never have sex for few months even tho we stay tgt. For myself I kinda high sex drive person. but I dun think he had low sex drive, cuz when we start knowing each other we are quite often to have sex.  but now is like few months once, kinda make me crazy. For some reasons I found that he likes to flirt w ppl and want jerk off or have sex with them, when I'm trying to hints him about I kinda horny he will just ignore me. (i feel kinda sad cuz he rather jo n have sex w others)

we did talk about this thing, he will give me many excuses and jump to another topic. 

Time to move on.

[futaki]

.

Edited December 4, 2017 by futaki
Change of heart

[BlueKevin]

Yes i agree. I think Low sex drive doesnt mean no sex need. They wiĺl still horny once a while and look for new excitement.

[upshot]

Before you analyse the SEX you should concentrate on why the relationship is not working out. You work out why the relationship is taking a turn for the worst is why it might be affecting the SEX

[cycle25]

I think communication is important. To communicate the expectations and have a common understanding. Both sides would need to compromise - the ones with high drive to expect to have mutual engagement less often and the ones with low drive to make an effort to have mutual engagements more pronounced that the other party feels sated. It does help, I find, when both parties are aligned with the same understanding - some times it is achieved through open communication. Also have to understand that some times this works and other times it doesn't work out the way we would like (e.g. when the other party is unwilling to compromise. But at least you know where they stand and you could act from there). Hope you've found a way to find what works best for your situation.

[ZoeScott]

why are you so skeptical here and cruel? how would he just change the partner, is it only about sex? I mean, the emotions are totally essential here... I personally recommend using cialis in order to bring up your partner's sex drive, it is much more effecient and doesn't have so many side effects. Moreover, it has more prolonged effect, it lasts for 36 hours, which is totally better than viagra with its uhealthy components. If you really want to return back sex drive, it's okay to consult with a doctor and commander cialis générique pas cher. Great service, besides!

Edited August 1, 2020 by ZoeScott

[Guest Guest]

Organise 3 some. 

[Steve5380]

On 10/24/2017 at 4:25 AM, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Hi guys, me and my long distance bf meet once a month during the weekends. The first day when we meet we will have sex. But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me. He prefers to just cuddle and sometimes light make out.  Me on the other hand, have high sexual drive and prefer to have at least a welcome and farewell sex. I really do like him but we are having conflict of interest when it comes to sex. Anyone had/having similar issue? If yes, how did you guys overcome/solve it?

 

Where is the problem?   Are you married to him?

 

If he wants to have sex only once during the one weekend in the month you come together,  then...  have sex with him ONCE.

 

He cannot expect exclusivity from you if he only gives you sex once a month. If he is not your predestined soul mate unique in the whole world, then you have all the other 28 days of the week to have sex with someone else you like.  Remember that love and sex can be kept separate.    

.

Edited July 28, 2020 by Steve5380

[blowmenow]

 @hellopanda  and @a_sian  should pair up. solve both problems.                        

[Terry Teo]

On 10/24/2017 at 5:25 PM, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Hi guys, me and my long distance bf meet once a month during the weekends. The first day when we meet we will have sex. But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me. He prefers to just cuddle and sometimes light make out.  Me on the other hand, have high sexual drive and prefer to have at least a welcome and farewell sex. I really do like him but we are having conflict of interest when it comes to sex. Anyone had/having similar issue? If yes, how did you guys overcome/solve it?

As someone with an amazingly low sex drive, like my sex drive is so low I can go on months without masturbating less undergo sex. I honestly just want a pure relationship whereby romantic outweighs sexual desires.