Boyfriend with low sex drive

[Guest ConfusedBF]

Hi guys, me and my long distance bf meet once a month during the weekends. The first day when we meet we will have sex. But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me. He prefers to just cuddle and sometimes light make out.  Me on the other hand, have high sexual drive and prefer to have at least a welcome and farewell sex. I really do like him but we are having conflict of interest when it comes to sex. Anyone had/having similar issue? If yes, how did you guys overcome/solve it?

[Guest Advice]

might have a different case per person but my advice is talk to him and ask him why. in my case my "ex" is a big liar he just like to lie always, we have exactly same situation then i just decided to leave him cause i dont believe his reason that he is not really into sex, my instinct told me that he dont have feelings with me, but my decission is right he dont want to have sex cause he didnt love me at all he is just using me. so yah as i said different person different case.

[Guest ConfusedBF]

Once he told me he can go on weeks without sex and he also claims our relationship is not about just sex. He says he can't cum everyday because that will make him tired and all. 

But i agree with you, i should talk it out with him.

[geizershow]

I have a high libido too but not all people are the same.. perhaps if you cant get sex then jerk off with his hand.. and believe me some people feel more orgasmic with cuddles that fucking

[Guest Advice]

1 minute ago, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Once he told me he can go on weeks without sex and he also claims our relationship is not about just sex. He says he can't cum everyday because that will make him tired and all. 

But i agree with you, i should talk it out with him.

That is exactly what he told me, and cant even kiss me passionately well for me u can feel if there is love or not please follow your instinct which what i did and im right. plus plus he lied he is a top well in fact he is a pure bottom no wonder his dick always get soft once it is near my hole. 

[Chubby_1986]

2 minutes ago, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Once he told me he can go on weeks without sex and he also claims our relationship is not about just sex. He says he can't cum everyday because that will make him tired and all. 

But i agree with you, i should talk it out with him.

But what he said oso somehow makes sense ba. Love or relationship id not about xxx or cum. Its about the feeling and heart. 

But do talk to him. Let him know how you feels and make him understands you more. 

[Guest ONCE is NOT EVERYDAY]

 

22 minutes ago, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Once he told me he can go on weeks without sex and he also claims our relationship is not about just sex. He says he can't cum everyday because that will make him tired and all. 

But i agree with you, i should talk it out with him.

He dropped hint already!!   You guys met only ONCE a month and he said he cannot CUM everyday.  He had someone in his life before even meeting you for that ONE TIME cumming.  There is no love, cum once with you in a month and he claimed he is tired with you.  MOVE ON!

[Guest 小肥猫]

1 hour ago, Guest ConfusedBF said:

 But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me.

Having sex with you is a CHORE, he rather spend quality time with his cat at home.

[snowball]

well, put it this way, he may find you as a good company but not a good sex partner, so he not keen to have body contact with you, you can have a talk with him, but is he telling you the truth is another story, balance it, would you go with a relationship with no sex, some may but can you? follow your heart, only you know what you need most

[BlueKevin]

4 hours ago, Guest Advice said:

might have a different case per person but my advice is talk to him and ask him why. in my case my "ex" is a big liar he just like to lie always, we have exactly same situation then i just decided to leave him cause i dont believe his reason that he is not really into sex, my instinct told me that he dont have feelings with me, but my decission is right he dont want to have sex cause he didnt love me at all he is just using me. so yah as i said different person different case.

How long do u guys together?

[BlueKevin]

4 hours ago, Guest Advice said:

That is exactly what he told me, and cant even kiss me passionately well for me u can feel if there is love or not please follow your instinct which what i did and im right. plus plus he lied he is a top well in fact he is a pure bottom no wonder his dick always get soft once it is near my hole. 

 

2 hours ago, snowball said:

well, put it this way, he may find you as a good company but not a good sex partner, so he not keen to have body contact with you, you can have a talk with him, but is he telling you the truth is another story, balance it, would you go with a relationship with no sex, some may but can you? follow your heart, only you know what you need most

Did he share thing happen in his life to u? 

[Guest :-(]

More likely he's having sex with others since this is a ldr...

 

 

[Guest Wwyd]

5 hours ago, Guest Advice said:

might have a different case per person but my advice is talk to him and ask him why. in my case my "ex" is a big liar he just like to lie always, we have exactly same situation then i just decided to leave him cause i dont believe his reason that he is not really into sex, my instinct told me that he dont have feelings with me, but my decission is right he dont want to have sex cause he didnt love me at all he is just using me. so yah as i said different person different case.

He make use of you if your money?

[BlueKevin]

How if your bf treats u good, but just dont like intimacy, kiss, hug, sex and dont share about thing happen in his life. He also dont seem to be interested of your life. He will  do sex upon your insist and do it well. Other than that he is a good companion. How u guys think about this?

[Guest ConfusedBF]

I believe he is not seeing anyone behind my back. He is committed in the relationship and so do i. Just that sex is not a big priority for him. 

[Guest theadvisor]

Have you ever had history of cheating on each other? Even minor non-anal kind of fun.

[Guest ConfusedBF]

2 hours ago, Guest theadvisor said:

Have you ever had history of cheating on each other? Even minor non-anal kind of fun.

No i have never cheated on him till this moment, i hope the same on his side.

[Guest Pinochio]

12 minutes ago, Guest ConfusedBF said:

No i have never cheated on him till this moment, i hope the same on his side.

Which nationality, some nationality like to cheat other people.

[Guest t/b]

ts your bf is the btm or top?

[Guest LDR woes]

heya!!!

 

I have the exact same issue like the TS!! Me and the bf are in a very committed LDR..  and i trust him well enough to know he is not seeing and playing around.. And honstly is the best bf one could ever ask for.. really makes me happy all the time.

 

BUT!

 

he is just not as high libido as i am! and he needs to be in the mood to cum although getting hard seems ok.. 

 

He wont stop me though if i was to remove his clothes and play with his body etc.. but he just can't nor want to continue to full on sex.. even masturbation for him can be a problem if he is not in the mood. Hard to cum!! i find that so strange!!!

 

And yes! he like cuddling and hugging more than anything.. so usually he will help me unload and then thats that! haha seems like the TS and me had the same issues!! i nearly thought it was my alter ego writing that post!

 

LOL any idea how to unravel this perplexing conundrum i have? we are in our 3rd year.. and going on well together.. except the sex part..

[Guest ConfusedBF]

35 minutes ago, Guest LDR woes said:

heya!!!

 

I have the exact same issue like the TS!! Me and the bf are in a very committed LDR..  and i trust him well enough to know he is not seeing and playing around.. And honstly is the best bf one could ever ask for.. really makes me happy all the time.

 

BUT!

 

he is just not as high libido as i am! and he needs to be in the mood to cum although getting hard seems ok.. 

 

He wont stop me though if i was to remove his clothes and play with his body etc.. but he just can't nor want to continue to full on sex.. even masturbation for him can be a problem if he is not in the mood. Hard to cum!! i find that so strange!!!

 

And yes! he like cuddling and hugging more than anything.. so usually he will help me unload and then thats that! haha seems like the TS and me had the same issues!! i nearly thought it was my alter ego writing that post!

 

LOL any idea how to unravel this perplexing conundrum i have? we are in our 3rd year.. and going on well together.. except the sex part..

Yea pretty similar situation, he does offer to help me unload also but i get this guilt tht i am forcing him to pleasure me.

[fab]

2 hours ago, Guest t/b said:

ts your bf is the btm or top?

 

I guess ts is btm.

[Guest ConfusedBF]

Coyld someone tell me what TS supposed to mean?

[Marineboy]

That would be you.....the Thread Starter

[fab]

On 24/10/2017 at 5:25 PM, Guest ConfusedBF said:

Hi guys, me and my long distance bf meet once a month during the weekends. The first day when we meet we will have sex. But after that he doesn't want to have sex, even when i initiate by kissing and slowly remove his clothes, he will stop me. He prefers to just cuddle and sometimes light make out.  Me on the other hand, have high sexual drive and prefer to have at least a welcome and farewell sex. I really do like him but we are having conflict of interest when it comes to sex. Anyone had/having similar issue? If yes, how did you guys overcome/solve it?

 

Date him.

 

 

 

[yoyo74]

There are lots of people with different personality in this world and some sex action we dont do does not mean we dont love. I will use myself as an example. I dislike anal sex and oral sex as i dont like to touch shit and urine and feel it is dirty. I dislike mouth kissing too as i dislike saliva to saliva mix. I do like to cuddle, hug, play touching around and tickle around and this is all that makes me contended without having the real sex.

I had already met several people who dont mind my dislike of real sex personality so i believe relation like this will still work out.

I have a very easy going personality and i dont mind my partner to have fun with others. To me letting the one we love to have fun with anyone is also a form of love. To let your partner be happy is love. In order for 2 person to stay together, both need to be happy.

Edited October 25, 2017 by yoyo74

[Guest ConfusedBF]

1 hour ago, Marineboy said:

That would be you.....the Thread Starter

Oh okay, thanks 

[Guest Same Story Again]

4 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

There are lots of people with different personality in this world and some sex action we dont do does not mean we dont love. I will use myself as an example. I dislike anal sex and oral sex as i dont like to touch shit and urine and feel it is dirty. I dislike mouth kissing too as i dislike saliva to saliva mix. I do like to cuddle, hug, play touching around and tickle around and this is all that makes me contended without having the real sex. I had already met several people who dont mind my dislike of real sex personality so i believe relation like this will still work out. I have a very easy going personality and i dont mind my partner to have fun with others. To me letting the one we love to have fun with anyone is also a form of love. To let your partner be happy is love. In order for 2 person to stay together, both need to be happy.

 

Blah blah blah. Uncle Yoyo74 never misses an opportunity to brag about hating anal sex and oral sex and kissing. So what? Sick and tired of always reading these reminders as though your dislikes make you superior to everybody else. Go tickle yourself or something. You can have your preferences, but most other people prefer real sex, and your preachy attitude will never convince them otherwise. The answer to the Thread Starter's problem is not to become a carbon copy of Uncle Yoyo74. What he needs to do is communicate with his boyfriend and reach a solution which will make both of them happy, not just one of them, or else they will unfortunately need to break up.

[Guest Miss]

5 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

There are lots of people with different personality in this world and some sex action we dont do does not mean we dont love. I will use myself as an example. I dislike anal sex and oral sex as i dont like to touch shit and urine and feel it is dirty. I dislike mouth kissing too as i dislike saliva to saliva mix. I do like to cuddle, hug, play touching around and tickle around and this is all that makes me contended without having the real sex.

I had already met several people who dont mind my dislike of real sex personality so i believe relation like this will still work out.

I have a very easy going personality and i dont mind my partner to have fun with others. To me letting the one we love to have fun with anyone is also a form of love. To let your partner be happy is love. In order for 2 person to stay together, both need to be happy.

You're missing out on so much stuff! 

[Sibelius]

Just talk it out with him first and see if theres any changes... or settle for open relationship where you can get the sex from elsewhere or from a buddy if your bf allows? 

 

Remember relationship is not all about sex everyday or week, after awhile it will all die down... at that point your long term compatibility will be put to the test.

[Guest ALeBOY]

Talk to him but in my case is worst, i dated this guys for few months and he didnt even wanna show me his dick! yes we cuddle and foreplay but he will never strip and its only me can strip he will just jerk me off and thats it, i never even see his dick for that few months. one day i just grab it to make sure he is a guy! hahahaha (somehow i kinda doubt him why he cant show his dick) lol. so i mean is it didnt work out for me cause of his weird stuff  so better talk to him before it is too late.

[Guest lyrebird]

TS, I am someone like your bf.

Before I got attached, I'd always tell people I'm dating that I have a low sex drive, so they don't get disappointed. I know don't like to have sex with people I don't know well, because I usually feel uneasy with them and can't get hard. Same goes when the other guy goes straight for my penis, trying to get it hard, or becomes too aggressive. It actually turns me off instead. 

 

I love physical intimacy like hugging, gentle kissing, holding hands, and I prefer to lead (but slowly, only when I feel it)... and usually that's how I get really hard, and end up having sex (I'm vers and we'd take turns)  Some times when I don't feel horny, my bf might cuddle and kiss me gently, and soon I'd get hard and we'd end up having sex.

 

My bf is very patient with me (for this aspect) and I love him for that.

 

No, I don't have affairs. This is just how I function.

[BlueKevin]

1 hour ago, Guest lyrebird said:

TS, I am someone like your bf.

Before I got attached, I'd always tell people I'm dating that I have a low sex drive, so they don't get disappointed. I know don't like to have sex with people I don't know well, because I usually feel uneasy with them and can't get hard. Same goes when the other guy goes straight for my penis, trying to get it hard, or becomes too aggressive. It actually turns me off instead. 

 

I love physical intimacy like hugging, gentle kissing, holding hands, and I prefer to lead (but slowly, only when I feel it)... and usually that's how I get really hard, and end up having sex (I'm vers and we'd take turns)  Some times when I don't feel horny, my bf might cuddle and kiss me gently, and soon I'd get hard and we'd end up having sex.

 

My bf is very patient with me (for this aspect) and I love him for that.

 

No, I don't have affairs. This is just how I function.

Hi lyrebird, my bf claimed he is low sex drive. Even kissing, hugging, holding hand also upon my request. I hug longer will be pushed away. Im very confuse .

[snowball]

love is about give and take, if you cannot, love is cheap and dirty

[Guest Curiousboyy]

5 hours ago, Guest ALeBOY said:

Talk to him but in my case is worst, i dated this guys for few months and he didnt even wanna show me his dick! yes we cuddle and foreplay but he will never strip and its only me can strip he will just jerk me off and thats it, i never even see his dick for that few months. one day i just grab it to make sure he is a guy! hahahaha (somehow i kinda doubt him why he cant show his dick) lol. so i mean is it didnt work out for me cause of his weird stuff  so better talk to him before it is too late.

Haha so did you breakup with him because of that ? 

[Guest lyrebird]

6 hours ago, BlueKevin said:

Hi lyrebird, my bf claimed he is low sex drive. Even kissing, hugging, holding hand also upon my request. I hug longer will be pushed away. Im very confuse .

 

then leave him alone and see how he hugs you? Maybe he prefers you to be passive. Or some people just don't like to be too close for too long. Find out what is his threshold and work with it

[Ironrod]

If there is no sex.....both of u might as well be "just friends". Is it really important to have a label on you? Do u really need to be "attached"? That's always my first question when any friends told me they are not having sex ESPECIALLY their r/s is below 5 years. Do you want to waste your 10 years of your life to realize, you are missing out one of the joy of being in a r/s? The trusted, loving, passionate sex?

 

I seriously don't know why ppl wants to be in a r/s so much if the person is not actually compatible with you.

[tyan]

i had friend who simply dislike people to touch them or do anything intimate with them. Then I ask him what if his gf touch him, he says he will shiver. So weird.

 

[yoyo74]

21 hours ago, Guest Same Story Again said:

 

Blah blah blah. Uncle Yoyo74 never misses an opportunity to brag about hating anal sex and oral sex and kissing. So what? Sick and tired of always reading these reminders as though your dislikes make you superior to everybody else. Go tickle yourself or something. You can have your preferences, but most other people prefer real sex, and your preachy attitude will never convince them otherwise. The answer to the Thread Starter's problem is not to become a carbon copy of Uncle Yoyo74. What he needs to do is communicate with his boyfriend and reach a solution which will make both of them happy, not just one of them, or else they will unfortunately need to break up.

I know who you are. The shameless person always hiding as a guest so that you can say rude things and avoid responsibility from your words. I am always reminding others of me and a few others who dislike those anal sex stuff as we are the minority of the minority so that TS can understand his bf. You did not even contribute a thing and your last sentence practically copied my words and rephrase it.

[yoyo74]

20 hours ago, Guest Miss said:

You're missing out on so much stuff! 

If you like guys and dont like girls, will you be missing having fun with girls?

This is a preference which each individual person might have the same or difference. Most important of all is to have empathy and understand that not all other person is the same as you so that you can have a proper decision making insight.

[yoyo74]

1 hour ago, tyan said:

i had friend who simply dislike people to touch them or do anything intimate with them. Then I ask him what if his gf touch him, he says he will shiver. So weird.

 

I will feel very uncomfortable if girls come and touch me. At one point when my friend suddenly introduce his girlfriend to me and she suddenly come shake my hands, i was unprepared for the contact. I dont want to shake hands with girls but dont want to be rude so i move my hand forward. My whole body is stiff with shiver and upon contact i pull back my hands immediately. This cause my friend and his girlfriend to laugh at me. After that i told myself i need to be mentally prepare to shake hands with girls in case such things happen again. Now i am mentally prepared so no more of this embarrassment happen again.

[yoyo74]

12 hours ago, Guest lyrebird said:

TS, I am someone like your bf.

Before I got attached, I'd always tell people I'm dating that I have a low sex drive, so they don't get disappointed. I know don't like to have sex with people I don't know well, because I usually feel uneasy with them and can't get hard. Same goes when the other guy goes straight for my penis, trying to get it hard, or becomes too aggressive. It actually turns me off instead. 

 

I love physical intimacy like hugging, gentle kissing, holding hands, and I prefer to lead (but slowly, only when I feel it)... and usually that's how I get really hard, and end up having sex (I'm vers and we'd take turns)  Some times when I don't feel horny, my bf might cuddle and kiss me gently, and soon I'd get hard and we'd end up having sex.

 

My bf is very patient with me (for this aspect) and I love him for that.

 

No, I don't have affairs. This is just how I function.

I also same like you will tell what i can and cannot do during dating and i will tell it on the very first day of dating so that they can have the correct expectation if want to continue any relationship with me. But there are a few people just refuse to believe other gay guys is different from them and insist on changing my preference or say my preference will change over time. All those people need to learn empathy.

[BlueKevin]

4 hours ago, Guest lyrebird said:

 

then leave him alone and see how he hugs you? Maybe he prefers you to be passive. Or some people just don't like to be too close for too long. Find out what is his threshold and work with it

Nothing was happen. 

[loacker]

On 10/25/2017 at 11:05 PM, yoyo74 said:

 

I have a very easy going personality and i dont mind my partner to have fun with others. To me letting the one we love to have fun with anyone is also a form of love. To let your partner be happy is love. In order for 2 person to stay together, both need to be happy.

agree on the non sexual part thing in between a relationship, as i myself too not into anal..hug/kiss or hj is sufficient to me..

but on the part u describe" dun mind ur partner to have fun with othe and is a form of love"

hmm..do u mean u can accept ur bf to have sex even anal with others? and u still can committed 100% into this relationship knowing about it..just curious how can that being done..

[gc0805]

alarm bells should start ringing.

u guys meet once a month; he should be horny as hell.

either he's not really into you or he's unloading with someone else when he's not with u.

have that talk and move on.

[tyan]

17 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

I will feel very uncomfortable if girls come and touch me. At one point when my friend suddenly introduce his girlfriend to me and she suddenly come shake my hands, i was unprepared for the contact. I dont want to shake hands with girls but dont want to be rude so i move my hand forward. My whole body is stiff with shiver and upon contact i pull back my hands immediately. This cause my friend and his girlfriend to laugh at me. After that i told myself i need to be mentally prepare to shake hands with girls in case such things happen again. Now i am mentally prepared so no more of this embarrassment happen again.

But that is his girlfriend ! They are going to get married. 

[yoyo74]

On 10/27/2017 at 11:06 AM, loacker said:

agree on the non sexual part thing in between a relationship, as i myself too not into anal..hug/kiss or hj is sufficient to me..

but on the part u describe" dun mind ur partner to have fun with othe and is a form of love"

hmm..do u mean u can accept ur bf to have sex even anal with others? and u still can committed 100% into this relationship knowing about it..just curious how can that being done..

Can be done if you are able to love selflessly without a single drop of jealousy but not much people can do it and will required large amount of thinking and prepared mentally beforehand. Understand self first than you will know if you can do it or not.

[yoyo74]

On 10/27/2017 at 7:03 PM, tyan said:

But that is his girlfriend ! They are going to get married. 

Unless his girlfriend dont mind it than it wont matter.

[loacker]

5 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

Can be done if you are able to love selflessly without a single drop of jealousy but not much people can do it and will required large amount of thinking and prepared mentally beforehand. Understand self first than you will know if you can do it or not.

just curious had u been thru urself? sometimes it is easier to say than done..hmmm...

 

kinda hard to imagine that if 1 night, ur bf call u up and say " dear, i'm not coming back to sleep tonight, i gonna overnight at xxx place.." i'm not sure how to swallow that feeling..

in short are u referring to open relationship? means both parties can have their own freedom as well as intimacy with someone?

if that the case, i just wonder what actually hold on u both of you together..and said that both of u are in "LOVE" with each other..

[yoyo74]

3 minutes ago, loacker said:

just curious had u been thru urself? sometimes it is easier to say than done..hmmm...

 

kinda hard to imagine that if 1 night, ur bf call u up and say " dear, i'm not coming back to sleep tonight, i gonna overnight at xxx place.." i'm not sure how to swallow that feeling..

in short are u referring to open relationship? means both parties can have their own freedom as well as intimacy with someone?

if that the case, i just wonder what actually hold on u both of you together..and said that both of u are in "LOVE" with each other..

Yes its easier said than done but i am one of the rare few who can do it. Maybe its kinda like open relationship. As for the above stated scenario, I will be more excited to know if hes found any hot guy to play with. Yes i like a total freedom relationship.

For your last sentence, i will use example quoted by others.

If you like a flower you will pluck a flower and keep it in your house. If you love a flower you will water it everyday making sure it wont die.

Here another real life example from me and my friend.

Both of us like/love cats. My friend like to touch, hug and kiss cats. Whenever i put food down for cats, he always use the opportunity to touch them. Some cats is ok with strangers touching it but some dislike and will hiss at you. My friend insist on touching it even if he got some bites or scratches. For me although i do love cats but i dont want to touch them if cats dont like it, I am more concern the food i given them is finished without any disturbance. I am afraid if i walk away after giving them food, other bad people will remove it. I will also clean the place to make sure nobody complain on the cat feeding mess. Any complain might cause the cat to be taken away by force.

As for holding on together, as long as both of you love each other and got the same mentality, both will stay together. Its one of a kind of independent love versus possessive love. You will have to choose what kind of love path you want to go through.