Heartbits (Speak your heart out)

[Guest lastdraw]

recently i’ve been addicted to doing work at coffeehouses; somehow i could focus a lot more when i sit with a cup of coffee than when i sit at home or in school

not the point of this post by the way

 

so last sunday evening i was doing work at Starbucks in Clarke Quay (how sad i know)

i had been there since noon, so i saw many people come and go before me - people like me who brought their work, some tourists, some friends, some families

by evening the store was rather empty, guess people would be having dinner anyway

that was when i took notice of two guys sitting on two red couches tucked neatly at the far corner of the store

 

my first thought - are they a couple?

that’s always my first thought when i see two guys immersing in a potentially romantic activity - walking by the beach, strolling in a museum, or like them - just having coffee, on a sunday evening

 

both of them were slightly out of my sight actually - one had his back facing me, while the other was a little blocked by an adjacent pillar

but whenever i made occasional glances at them, they would just be using their phones, or making small exchanges, or quietly looking out at passersby patronising the sunday street

 

i was kinda exhausted and bored from work by that time, so i was checking out Grindr more than i was actually doing work

it was then when i realised this particular guy was within 10m away from me

i hit him up, starting the convo with “haha so near lol”

 

“hahaha yah”

“are u wearing the duck mask now?” (p.s. my profile pic is me wearing a duck head prop) (p.s. dont judge)

“hahaha maybe”

“At Clarke Quay area?”

“of course haha” (i mean, where else would i be if i’m within 10m away from you)

“what are u doing around here?”

“chilling, and you?”

“same, at Starbucks, leaving soon”

 

i immediately looked up and around

there weren’t many people in the store then, and judging from the guy’s profile picture, it had to be one of the two guys

and just as i was drafting my reply, the two guys stood up and left their seats, walked past me towards the door and left the store

 

it was indeed one of the guys; i matched his face to his profile picture

 

“oh no bye bye”

“bye”

“is that your boyfriend? you two look cute”

*then it was a long discussion with him trying to check if he saw me*

 

“hahaha how u know it’s us then?”

“haha your pic lo, and you said you were leaving”

“oh i see, hahaha smart”

 

“so are yall together?”

“yah 10 years now”

 

wow, just wow

 

“you are single?”

“yea.. wa holy, you two are faking goals man”

“hahaha, i know some couples who have been together longer than us”

 

“any tips senpai?”

“live simple, learn about yourself and be comfortable with yourself”

 

that night i was just so impressed by them, and how things worked out for the two of them, for ten years

equally inspired by how much both of them would have given and taken to make things work

equally envious of them enjoying each other’s company, for possibly 480 sunday evenings and counting

 

(the content of this post has been endorsed by senpai and boyfriend)

Edited April 9, 2019 by lastdraw

[21pilot]

It was two days ago, when we had a little discussion on "what are we?".

 

What are we?

Every time I met someone through apps, I try to figure out if there is someone actually looking for what I've been looking for. Mostly, just a quick pleasure for the sake of lust.

Just when finally I found someone having the same thought as me, I panicked, and I fall in the loop of so-called "love" again.

As usual we had our peak moment, we thought we were for each other, telling him things that I never told anyone, or even changed a little bit of myself so that he will like me more.

Everything happened so fast.

I start to feel scared of losing him. So I slow him down.

And at that moment I know, it is too late now.

 

"Maybe I shouldn't flirt you in the first place."

"Maybe we shouldn't met at all."

 

Just when I thought I am never going to use Grindr again, he can't proceed with the momentum we were having.

He can't move on from his past relationship, the betrayal, or perhaps his past-lover.

And then I said, "Maybe you are right, we were just two lonely souls, wanting to be loved."

 

I hope someday I can learn to recover from this loop quickly, and expect nothing from this flawed crowd. Don't love for the sole sake of love, but fall in love.

[Guest Dilemma]

My ex-boss contacted me the other day.

Wishing me to go back to work there. 

My heart was in dilemma. 

 

I'm so happy. An opportunity to leave my current place. 

But I think back why I leave in the first place. 

Do I want to be stressed about the things that used to stress upon me?

or stick back to the present stable job.

There are things that annoyed me here but job scope is manageable. 

Old job is like my old home. I wish I can go back home minus the stress.

All the good memories.

 

I told my ex-boss that I sadly have to turn down the offer. 

She yet to reply.

I keep longing for her reply.

I keep thinking that what if I can run away from here and go back to my old home. Feeling so happy.

I wish she would say something. Maybe a miracle. Maybe something that we can both workout. I wish my team supervisor would contact me. 

 

But I when I sober enough. I realized maybe it would not happen. 

Stability. No stress. vs different job scope but with stress. old home with familiar members. 

Practically I should choose the former.

 

Good news and opportunity presented upon me. 

But I didn't seize it.

Sudden happiness came to my door. 

fought with myself.

and left feeling empty.

like a dream.

like a tsunami that causes an uproar in my life

and afterward leaving me yearning for a miracle

and I'm feeling so jaded and moody right now.

 

I missed the old day. 

 

[yuquidam]

On 4/9/2019 at 9:21 PM, Guest Dilemma said:

My ex-boss contacted me the other day.

Wishing me to go back to work there. 

My heart was in dilemma. 

 

I'm so happy. An opportunity to leave my current place. 

But I think back why I leave in the first place. 

Do I want to be stressed about the things that used to stress upon me?

or stick back to the present stable job.

There are things that annoyed me here but job scope is manageable. 

Old job is like my old home. I wish I can go back home minus the stress.

All the good memories.

 

I told my ex-boss that I sadly have to turn down the offer. 

She yet to reply.

I keep longing for her reply.

I keep thinking that what if I can run away from here and go back to my old home. Feeling so happy.

I wish she would say something. Maybe a miracle. Maybe something that we can both workout. I wish my team supervisor would contact me. 

 

But I when I sober enough. I realized maybe it would not happen. 

Stability. No stress. vs different job scope but with stress. old home with familiar members. 

Practically I should choose the former.

 

Good news and opportunity presented upon me. 

But I didn't seize it.

Sudden happiness came to my door. 

fought with myself.

and left feeling empty.

like a dream.

like a tsunami that causes an uproar in my life

and afterward leaving me yearning for a miracle

and I'm feeling so jaded and moody right now.

 

I missed the old day. 

 

Bro, think you made a wise choice. I did once choose a more rewarding but more stressful job. Then agreed to be promoted to a higher level, higher pay (with a monthly increment of $1200), but very long hours and acutely stressful. I ended up resigning. Burnt out, stressed out, insomnia plus depression after 2 years as I successfully up my performance bonus from 3 months to 5.5 months. Good thing I switched job before depression became clinical. Was very happy after opting for a job that's more routine (even mundane at times), less pay and status but contented, and very, very happy indeed. I sincerely wish the same for you in terms of finding yourself and happiness bro.

Edited April 10, 2019 by yuquidam

[Guest Dilemma]

4 hours ago, yuquidam said:

Bro, think you made a wise choice. I did once choose a more rewarding but more stressful job. Then agreed to be promoted to a higher level, higher pay ($1,200 monthly pay increase), but very long hours and acutely stressful. I ended resigning. Burnt out, stressed out, insomnia plus depression after 2 years as I successfully up my performance bonus from 3 months to 5.5 months. Good thing I switched job before depression became clinical. Was very happy after opting for a job that's more routine (even mundane at times), less pay and status but contented, and very, very happy indeed. I sincerely wish the same for you in terms of finding yourself and happiness bro.

very good. very capable you are. 

 

agreed with you. can go back home happily at the end of the day. 

[yuquidam]

4 hours ago, Guest Dilemma said:

very good. very capable you are. 

 

agreed with you. can go back home happily at the end of the day. 

I honestly do not think I was capable or incapable. It was just sheer mad hardwork to make it in the financial industry for the sake of money and status despite knowing full well that it was not my interest.  Some thrive under a 12 to 16-hr work day but others, like me, don't. It was just not the right fit for me. I knew where my heart was but got distracted by all the surface glam. After following my heart am happy despite the ups and downs because I felt sane...lol. 

Edited April 10, 2019 by yuquidam

[vera.]

my depression just got better but my heart is still confused... i have strong feelins for this guy at work...i dont wanna talk to him.. i just wanna tell him bout my feelins but wat if my depression gets worse from the rejection... everytime i see him from afar, all i wish for is to be with him yet i tell myself why would such an amazin person feel the same... 

[jonathan1456]

Feelings if true will stay with one's heart for a long long time .......

With the passage of time, come a period when you think less and less of the other person

You know that love is already on its way out for this person whom you have a lot of feelings. 

 

Empty your heart and allow it to be filled with other things in life. 

Life is not just living for one person or your family or friends. 

Life is living for yourself, so that you could live for others more abundantly. 

Love yourself more so that you have that capacity to love others in your life too. 

[Guest life]

sometimes I feel so useless

no outstanding skills

not talented

just a normal blue collar

 

Feel like a little bird

wanted to soar up high

but no matter how hard I tried

still going nowhere

 

what will happen when I'm old?

what the future will hold for me?

will I be sleeping in the street?

will my life be miserable?

[vera.]

On 4/20/2019 at 8:39 PM, Guest life said:

sometimes I feel so useless

no outstanding skills

not talented

just a normal blue collar

 

Feel like a little bird

wanted to soar up high

but no matter how hard I tried

still going nowhere

 

what will happen when I'm old?

what the future will hold for me?

will I be sleeping in the street?

will my life be miserable?

I used to feel the same way but I got envious of people around me

I felt so pathetic

I saw a therapist and it helped greatly... maybe just try it if u don't like it it's fine too...just know that there will be people to help even strangers... 

 

u may be insignificant but that's freeing to know u can do so many things and not be judged by many

[Guest lastdraw]

不願放手 讓命運去蹉跎
寧願接受 有時人會愛錯
至少我擁有一刻
擁抱著你的是我

不願承認 其實我很脆弱
只顧追求 承諾的漩渦
直到愛懸在半空
任寂寞追逐的夢

Edited April 30, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest lastdraw]

嘿 意不意外 她背影 那么轻快
嘿 要明白 人会来 就会离开

 

世上唯一不变 是人都善变
路过人间 爱都有期限
天可怜见 心碎在所难免

 

以为痛过几回 多了些修炼
路过人间 就懂得防卫
说来惭愧 人只要有机会 就又沦陷

 

嘿 别再猜 她可曾 想过回来
嘿 醒过来 你很好 她也不坏

 

快快抹干眼泪 看昙花多美
路过人间 无非一瞬间
每段并肩 都不过是擦肩

 

曾经辜负哪位 这才被亏欠
路过人间 一直这轮回
幸运一点 也许最后和谁 都不相欠
 

人对爱和永远 应该有幻觉
路过人间 也才几十年
却为了爱 勇于蹉跎岁月

 

相遇离别 贪瞋爱痴怨
路过人间 就忙着这些
谁有意见 莫非是心里面 渺无人烟
无人可恋 来这人间 有多浪费

[Guest Life]

On 4/29/2019 at 10:17 PM, vera. said:

I used to feel the same way but I got envious of people around me

I felt so pathetic

I saw a therapist and it helped greatly... maybe just try it if u don't like it it's fine too...just know that there will be people to help even strangers... 

 

u may be insignificant but that's freeing to know u can do so many things and not be judged by many

can recommend your therapist to me?

[Guest storm]

After a big storm,

the sky finally clear,

what worries me a lot,

did not materialize in the end.

 

I think too much,

it consuming me alive,

I need to stay calm,

I need to stay in control.

 

no matter how clever the squirrel jump,

it will fall into the ground one day,

believe in the work of karma,

whoever hurts me in the past,

karma will catch up with you soon,

All I need to do is to stay inert.

 

Is it you karma?

or is it you, my Guardian Angel?

Whenever or whatever troubled me a lot,

you will help me in the end.

 

I feel a bit lightened today.

I feel peaceful.

but still have a lot of worries ahead of me,

I just need to take it one at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Vans]

Life sucks.

Edited May 20, 2019 by Vans

[mate69]

I regret my relationship/spousal status. My eternal regret that I will forever look back on with anguish and pain

which I would bring to my end. A wrong move. A very wrong move. 

Edited May 20, 2019 by mate69

[Guest lastdraw]

1 minute ago, mate69 said:

I regret my relationship. My eternal regret.

 

hmm why? if you would like to share im here to listen 

[mate69]

Just now, lastdraw said:

 

hmm why? if you would like to share im here to listen 

 

Thanks man. I will at some point in the future when I am ready.

[Guest lastdraw]

1 minute ago, mate69 said:

 

Thanks man. I will at some point in the future when I am ready.

 

everythings gonna be fine, you'll be fine

[Guest lastdraw]

that day i met two very adorable kids. 

 

i met the first one on the train, i was sitting opposite the boy and his helper. 

the helper was engrossed in her phone, obviously oblivious to the surrounding, much less to what the boy was doing. 

 

the boy had a toy truck in his hand. he initially placed it on his lap, occasionally moving it back and forth. 

then he began to murmur something under his breath, looking intently at the truck. after he’s done, he swiftly moved the truck from his lap along his torso across his chest, then down his torso and finally landing it on his other lap. 

 

he looked up and realised that I saw what he just did. he looked back down. 

 

just as i thought he was getting self-conscious, he began to murmur again, this time a little longer with more dramatic expressions on his face.

and unsurprisingly, the truck moved again - this time from his lap all the way up to his forehead, across his forehead, and back down to the original lap. 

 

‘’this is the police. we received an intel about a suspect two streets down the road. we’re onto it, over.’’

‘’suspect escaped, last seen running towards the parliament building. we would continue chasing. please send more teams to assist.’’

 

-

 

i met the second one at a food outlet where i had my lunch.

i was having my meal when the girl tagged along her mother to place an order. 

 

we exchanged eye contact. she looked at me for quite a bit, so out of courtesy, i gave her a smile. 

she immediately went hiding behind her mum. at that point i was just praying she didn’t start crying or complain to her mum about me. 

 

she popped her head out. this time i kept a straight face. i pretended i didn’t see her. i looked down at my rice so closely as if i had never seen rice before. 

a few moments later i noticed the mother and daughter finish their purchase from the corner of my eye. and the next thing i knew the girl was calling out to me. 

 

‘’bye bye!’’

 

she waved at me, and i waved back, before she disappeared behind the pillar with her mum. 

 

-

 

how pure and romantic are these kids? 

how i wish i could have my own kids, then i will be the cool dad.

but for now, i guess i would happily make do with a dog or two.

Edited May 25, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest lastdraw]

that day i had to wake up really early.

maybe for a class, that i don’t exactly remember. 

 

i obviously didn’t have enough sleep.

then it was a mad rush at home with so much to do.

so by the time i left house, i was grumpy as hell.

 

i pressed for the lift, it even seemed to me that the lift took its own sweet time?! 

 

i stomped into the lift and furiously pressed a button. 

 

what a morning.

 

the lift reached ground floor. 

 

a cute guy stood outside the lift, peeping into the lift through the glass panel. 

 

my day was made. 

 

life’s little happiness. 

Edited May 27, 2019 by lastdraw

[blowmenow]

6 minutes ago, lastdraw said:

that day i had to wake up really early.

maybe for a class, that i don’t exactly remember. 

 

i obviously didn’t have enough sleep.

then it was a mad rush at home with so much to do.

so by the time i left house, i was grumpy as hell.

 

i pressed for the lift, it even seemed to me that the lift took its own sweet time?! 

 

i stomped into the lift and furiously pressed a button. 

 

what a morning.

 

the lift reached ground floor. 

 

a cute guy stood outside the lift, peeping into the lift through the glass panel. 

 

my day was made. 

 

life’s little happiness. 

how come i dun see any cute guys when i reach ground floor

lol

[Sh3rlock]

6 hours ago, blowmenow said:

how come i dun see any cute guys when i reach ground floor

lol

Hahaha...Beauty is in The Eye of the beholder  One man’s thistle is another’s national flower 

[Guest Live Like You Were Dying.]

Aren't we all living to die ?

[IkuTube]

Today, I want to be the person on the other side of the mirror. I want to cross over. I want to feel what it is like to be "Home". I want to feel what it is like to be one with the other me. 

 

I am leaving a trusted friend.  I am leaving only to come back with higher awareness, hopefully.

 

I know when I am reunited, when I am one with my other Self, that all of my every needs are met. That, the answers to all my problems are answered.  That, the sources of wealth in every aspects - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually - will be and can be on higher levels. 

 

As I shift myself over, my ego demands may feel hurt. My Self importance may feel abandoned.  My sense of pomposity will aggrieve, bleed and crush. My world will change.

 

At another horizon, I will no longer waste my time with the how, the what, the when, the who.  They are no longer important, critical nor relevant.  I only do and must only do. I only act and that I must act.

 

By doing so, I get out the ways of myself.  I burn any senses on Self importance, any impressions on Self pomposity. I am letting go the problems inside myself.

 

The worst war is the one inside my head.  My thoughts, my beliefs, my opinions and all judgements can be my worst enemies.  They design, shape my critical and demanding thinking.  But! Life is not to be judged.  It must not be judged at all.  Life is to be fully appreciated instead.

 

Life is like the flowers that God opens millions without forcing the buds.  They are to bloom freely.  They are to flourish candidly, openly, voluntarily and willingly.  As God opens all the flowers, there is god in every buds from where they begin.  There is a spark of divinity that gives peace to all.

 

Where I am now, standing in front at my very own mirror, I see everything through the filter of my own perceptions.  That's how I decide if things are right or wrong.  That is how self importance is constructed.  That's how decision about blame is born. 

 

The pride to analyze and all its analyses paralyze me.  I  am often not aware to realize them.  Instead, I make myself to be drowned myself further.

 

Can I honestly ask myself whether do I know all the answers?   All the answers to life mysteries?   All the answers to all the questions?  Do I really know all the answers?  Do I really really really know all the answers? 

 

Who do I really, really, really think I am?  How dare am I that I judge, insult, degrade and think negatively on others?  What do I really, really, really think who I am when I bad named someone?

 

Should I want to be true to my Self, I must see myself in that mirror.

 

Today, I want to achieve an array of results, better results.  I am cleansing the memories in my subconscious to find the Divinity within myself.

 

Blaming others is not the answer.  I must take full responsibility for all my actions, my reactions.

 

 

 

[Guest lastdraw]

you all have been missed guys

i'll be back to write more i promise, when i have more time at hand and the luxury to think and ramble wildly

meanwhile feel free to scroll backwards to some of my old pieces, or here's a piece for you I got frm the web (credits: http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/05/21/4-short-stories-change-the-way-you-think/) 

 

• • • • •

 

Every Sunday morning I take a light jog around a park near my home.  There’s a lake located in one corner of the park.  Each time I jog by this lake, I see the same elderly woman sitting at the water’s edge with a small metal cage sitting beside her.

 

This past Sunday my curiosity got the best of me, so I stopped jogging and walked over to her.  As I got closer, I realized that the metal cage was in fact a small trap.  There were three turtles, unharmed, slowly walking around the base of the trap.  She had a fourth turtle in her lap that she was carefully scrubbing with a spongy brush.

 

“Hello,” I said.  “I see you here every Sunday morning.  If you don’t mind my nosiness, I’d love to know what you’re doing with these turtles.”

 

She smiled.  “I’m cleaning off their shells,” she replied.  “Anything on a turtle’s shell, like algae or scum, reduces the turtle’s ability to absorb heat and impedes its ability to swim.  It can also corrode and weaken the shell over time.”

 

“Wow!  That’s really nice of you!” I exclaimed.

 

She went on: “I spend a couple of hours each Sunday morning, relaxing by this lake and helping these little guys out.  It’s my own strange way of making a difference.”

 

“But don’t most freshwater turtles live their whole lives with algae and scum hanging from their shells?” I asked.

 

“Yep, sadly, they do,” she replied.

 

I scratched my head.  “Well then, don’t you think your time could be better spent?  I mean, I think your efforts are kind and all, but there are fresh water turtles living in lakes all around the world.  And 99% of these turtles don’t have kind people like you to help them clean off their shells.  So, no offense… but how exactly are your localized efforts here truly making a difference?”

 

The woman giggled aloud.  She then looked down at the turtle in her lap, scrubbed off the last piece of algae from its shell, and said, “Sweetie, if this little guy could talk, he’d tell you I just made all the difference in the world.”

Edited September 3, 2019 by lastdraw

[IkuTube]

3 minutes ago, lastdraw said:

The woman giggled aloud.  She then looked down at the turtle in her lap, scrubbed off the last piece of algae from its shell, and said, “Sweetie, if this little guy could talk, he’d tell you I just made all the difference in the world.”

 

 

Beautiful wisdom! Thank you for sharing those awesome line - "he'd tell you I just made all the difference in the world".

 

[IkuTube]

When and why I say the words "I love you".

 

The essence of my own soul is Love.  When I say "I love you", I am starting the process to merge back into the essence of life itself.  I am starting to merge back with the Divine and my devotion to the Creator that creates me.

 

"I love you" is my connection to all relationships.  Importantly, it is my relationship with the Divinity.  It is my relationship with people, with events, with resources and all sources, and with all the breaths that keep me to be thankful to life itself. 

 

It is my basic association with life.  With growth.  With survival.  With existence.  With my soul.

 

"I love you" makes my consciousness alive. 

 

"I love you" accompanies my continuance and that I am never alone and that the Divine is always by my side.

 

"I love you" creates the impossible possible.  It aligns people with me.  It aligns me with people.  It puts all sources of Life in one straight alignment. 

 

When I do things with people, when I keep reminding it with "I love you", amazing resources of the Higher Self within are mobilized.

 

"I love you" gathers all souls together.  It takes away pains and sorrows and it solves all problems.

 

"I love you" makes me to remember that there is nobody outside that can create my inner happiness.  When I choose to be with all relationships, it has to be because I want to and not because I need others.

 

"I love you" must begins with me.  Just as Peace that must begins with me. 

 

"I love you" is a gift, a blessing that gives me a chance to grow, to motivate and to be surrounded with Divinity..  It helps me to recognize what I need to change and work on within myself.

 

When Love beckons, I must follow.  Though its ways can be hard and steep, I must yield it. 

 

And when Love speaks to me, I must believe it.  Though the voice of Love may shatter some dreams, I must not waste what attracts.

 

I love you, "I love you".  Yes, I do.

 

 

 

[IkuTube]

The tragedy of a soul is what dies inside of him while he lives.  I must not allow that to happen to me.  Not in this lifetime.

 

I who would know the world seek first within my Be-ing's depths.  I who would truly know my self develop interest in the world.

 

The interest to do things with love. The interest to make things right.  The interest to forgive, to thank and to be useful.

 

The interest not to always insists on looking at the past or the future.  But of the interest to enjoy, one hundred percent, on the present.

 

The interest not to miss on opportunities and all the blessings by complaining too much about the past or worrying about the future.

 

I must become aware to have faith and to build confidence in myself.  I must become aware to allow myself to act in spite of all my fears.  In spite of all the blocked past data, programs and memories stored in subconscious mind.

 

The most important thing that I can do is to clean, erase and unblock my energy so that I can attract more big dreams, more opportunities.  The most important thing to attract these dreams and opportunities is that I forgive anybody for anything throughout my entire life.

 

But, it is crucial that I forgive myself too.  I have to forgive myself to forgive others.

 

Yes, I become what I think about!  The me I see is the me that I will.

 

Oh! my inner voice, oh! my inner child, oh! my higher consciousness .. I hear you and I must hear you.  You said that I can do it. You said I can be set free.  And, you promise that it is done!

 

 

[IkuTube]

Peace begins with me. 

 

My world is my world is my world.  In my world, I am just I am. In this world of 'I Am', I know I am not seeing things as they are.  I am seeing things as I am.  Probably, warped in my own thoughts of what I think, of what I know.  The intellect does not know much.

 

In this shared world, where you and I are, I have to be myself.  I have to become myself.  That's basically the rule of the cosmic universe.

 

The moment I accept myself as I Am, as who am I, all burdens - yes!, all mountainous burdens, simply disappear.

 

Life would then be sheer joy.  Life will be festivals of lights.  It is here that Life is celebrated with the sparks of the Divinity.

 

In my world, I must take full responsibility of all my thoughts, my words, my deeds and my actions.  The reality of what I see in the world is the manifestation of all my thoughts, my words, my deeds and my actions.

 

Nobody else is to be blamed.  Cos, there is nobody out there.  I create my reality and I live in that reality.

 

In my world, I must take full responsibility to be sorry for everything and anything that I do.  Especially all those actions and reactions that are not of Love.

 

I am sorry to the Divine.  I am sorry to all in the House of Humanity.  Very often, I have not been conscious and I have been driven by my unconscious mind.

 

My unconscious mind is the power ship.  It is the nuclear reactor. It is the warehouse of all information, the storage of all my beliefs, my past memories.  I am not aware of what's in my unconscious mind.

 

In my world and for me to be a part of the Cosmic, I must let go of what I know.  What I know and what I think I truly know  is only a bit of the millions of bytes of consciousness.  In this small bit, I actually am not fully conscious of the whole consciousness.

 

In this shared world, in this House of Humanity, I must only allow intuition and inspiration to flow.

All that I think I know is just my pride that I think I know.  It is the energy of Ego Demands in the House of Humanity.

 

Do I really know anything and everything?

 

In this world, in this shared House of Humanity, to surrender is the sweetest thing to do.

 

 

[repressednerd]

When I join gatherings of gay men (singles & couples), I see that there is a tinge of lust in the eyes of certain coupled guys. The lust seems to build up when they are talking with others. Yet it decreases when talking with their significant others.

[feedersmiracle]

7 minutes ago, repressednerd said:

When I join gatherings of gay men (singles & couples), I see that there is a tinge of lust in the eyes of certain coupled guys. The lust seems to build up when they are talking with others. Yet it decreases when talking with their significant others.

 

I wonder if I will become like this in the future, except both us don't really go for "gatherings"..

[Guest lastdraw]

four years ago when i was still a freshman, the last paper didn’t mark the end of a semester.

the end-of-semester party did. 

i mean, so much pain and agony juggling and struggling with the thousand and one school commitments - it really calls for a night to just chill and get wasted.

 

and so a few months back, my graduating friends and I all felt that we had to go to our last end-of-semester party - not only to celebrate the end of another semester, but to celebrate the end of the last semester. 

 

we looked back at the picture we took at our first. 

 

we donned our best outfits.

we laughed at each other’s silly dance moves. 

we would sometimes close our eyes and soak in the music. 

we threw behind our studies, exams and projects. 

we lost ourselves to the night, but that’s okay.

it was easily one of our best college nights.

 

when we arrived on the dot at our last end-of-semester party and pushed open the door to the party, we were perplexed to find nobody in the hall. 

the organiser was so glad to see us and hurriedly ushered us in. 

 

‘’don’t worry, the juniors are coming in later.’’

 

we sat at the table directly in front of the dance floor.

we helped ourselves to some drinks, and snacks to go along with the drinks. 

 

club music was already blasting through the hall speakers, a little too loud for any productive conversation. 

we simply indulged in the drinks, snacks, and each other’s company. 

we would nod and smile when we exchanged eye contact occasionally, knowing very well that the night had barely begun. 

 

the hall door opened. 

 

juniors sashayed into the hall in big groups, indulged in each other’s company. 

they dived straight into the snacks and downed the drinks, one after another. 

the blasting music began to draw them to sway and bounce and jump to the beat. 

one by one they went onto the stage, for the moments they had been waiting for.

 

they donned their best outfits. 

they laughed at each other’s silly dance moves. 

they would sometimes close their eyes and soak in the music. 

they were throwing behind their studies, exams and projects. 

they began to lose themselves to the night, and that’s really okay. 

it would easily be one of their best college nights. 

 

we watched our juniors from our table for a long time, and sometimes I thought I saw ourselves on that same stage. 

many times the organiser came to ask us to join them on stage. 

I guess deep down we all felt that the stage had no room for us anymore. 

the stage was literally packed, and at the same time, the stage seemed too small to accommodate us anymore. 

 

i turned to look at my friends, whose eyes were still fixed on the stage. 

“happy graduation guys.” 

Edited September 14, 2019 by lastdraw

[IkuTube]

Change is constant. 

 

It is happening all the time, with or without me.  It is an ongoing motion.  I have to accept it. I have to evolve with it.  Not to adapt with it brings despair.

 

If I wish for a change, and there will be change nonetheless, I must be that change.  I have to take charge of the change and according to the way my life wants it.  Accordingly to the wish that I want to make it happen.

 

Taking charge and taking full responsibility on anything and everything that is happening with me and around me is the secret to that change.  For it to be fully effective, and for me to be at the Pillar of my Peace of 'I', I must stop blaming on anything and everything except on the way that I think, the way I say the words, the way I act and the way I react.

 

Only when I believe that all I think, all that I do, all that I say, all that I act and react create the reality of my world that Life becomes Life.

 

What things that I wish for, when I take care of them and that I take full charge of them, shall that I receive and shall that I have them.

 

Peace begins with me.  The rewards to a beautiful life is within that peace.

 

Love is my source.  The beautiful life is when I exude that Love is unconditional.  All that I do is to submit and surrender myself.  That when I accept that I am only a tiny spark of light but in its small size that I contribute to the bigger picture of the Cosmo. Of Divinity.

 

I have to come to zero with the way I think, the way I live, the way I say and the way I do things.  Only with the realization to be in zero that my roads ahead is clear.  That will keep my light bright.

 

[IkuTube]

Everyday is a beautiful day.

It is just how I want to see it, want to feel it, want to make it.

 

And, is that not what life is exactly supposed to be?  Life is supposed to be, among all thorns, a beautiful bed of roses.  It is how I steer the wheel.

 

While the science of epigenetics proves that I have DNA of my ancestors, it is to show that I do not come into Life with a blank slate.  I am already designed with errors. With loads of programs of collective beliefs, data, concepts and fundamentals of everybody before me.  From the roots that I am created.

 

These programs are compounded with beliefs of my parents and others, as well as from the culture that I live in.

 

Who am I then? What have become the me, the 'I' that I am supposed to be?

 

Can I find the truth?

Or do I want to live this life on opinions of others?

Or on the perspectives of theirs too?

 

Very often, what I hear is just opinions, not fact.

What I see is perspective, not the truth.

 

I have to know - when everything I am looking for is within myself, I will discover the part of me that knows what's the best for myself.

I am steering my own wheel.

 

Life can be easier when I surrender to stop creating, accumulating and accepting more errors.  The only way to stop absorbing these errors is by consciously leading the ways of my thoughts, my words, my deeds and my actions to zero. 

 

Zero is a state of a blank sheet.  A clean white board.  Back to a pure state of Divinity.

 

At a zero state, I react less. I will use my mental, emotional and physical energy to concentrate on what I really wish in my life. In Life.

 

Today is a day that I ought to consciously decide. To feel that I have reached the end and trust the only way to start all over again is to turn a new page.

 

I submit to be at zero. I align myself with zero.

 

I love you.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

 

[IkuTube]

Who am I?

 

I am a nobody,  an anybody, an everybody and a somebody.  I am all and all is me.  All of that is within me.  I who have faith know that something big and bigger are waiting in line.

 

On the other hand, I who am lost and confused will not know my true identity and will keep to feel a deep paralyzing fear.

 

Should I think that I know everything, I must walk the talk.  Yes!, I have to walk that talk.

 

Should I think that I have an intellect, let that intellect walks the talk.  Not walking the talk of my intellect is only making myself trapped in arrogance.

 

Intellect is a cancerous arrogance that has to be transmuted into divine inspirations.  It must be inspired and not to deceive me.  Too much of what I think I know, and not taking them into actions with the ways of lives, will not give me a beautiful life.  I have to walk the talk through my thoughts, my words, my deeds and my acts.  I have to walk the talk and lessen all intellectual errors.

 

All that I think I know arises with my thoughts.  With my thoughts, I make my world.

 

But who am I?

 

I have to walk the talk - to speak and to act with a pure mind and happiness will follow me.

 

Everything begins with me.
Peace begins with me.
Love begins with me.

 

The art of remaining silent brings wisdom.  The art of speaking, when suitable, brings beautiful relations.  It brings friends.  It brings great partnership with Divinity.

 

Who am I?

 

The more I depend on forces outside myself, the more I am dominated by them.

 

I have to walk the talk. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

 

 

[feedersmiracle]

Can I be happy with a median paying job if everything revolves around the usage of money?

 

If the rich die do the money go to the poor?

That's such a bad analogy tho lol.

[Lemonjuice]

Those who are scared to follow their heart with end up regretting at old age. Life is too short to follow “what you should do” coming from parents, colleagues, siblings. Find yourself and stand up for it. 

 

If you like dick say it lol. Don’t  have to hide behind bi str8 acting married shit. 

Edited September 21, 2019 by Lemonjuice

[Guest lastdraw]

courtesy of @maroczybind  

 

Be The Best.

Douglas Malloch

It you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley – but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush, if you can’t be a tree.
If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can’t be a muskie, then just be a bass-
But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew,
There’s something for all of us here.
There’s big work to do and there’s lesser to do
And the task we must do is the near.
If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun, be a star;
It isn’t by size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of whatever you are!

[IkuTube]

There is little sense in attempting to change any external conditions.  I have to change my inner beliefs first before any outer conditions can change accordingly.

 

It is a cycle of life, round and round.  As long as I do not strive myself back towards the pure state of nature,  back to the divine sanctity,  I will continue to perceive with problems.  I will always face problems.

 

Sadly, as most humans do, I perceive a problem as being on the outside of me.  That's the way it is normally is - the self denial.  I see problems as probelms because I am using my eyes, my ears and my brain and all of that.  The senses from this sight, this hearing and this deliberating from the mind (without any of my awareness) are reflections from my past beliefs. 

 

I see what I want to see.  I hear what I want to hear. I act what I think is best for myself.

 

When the feeling of guilt is taken away and it is replaced with an act to take full responsibility, I will soon realize that many problems of life are within me, within myself in my own psyche.  Problems are created from the way I react to them.

 

I have to stop reacting.  Instead, whenever there are problems, I should say 'Thank You'. Saying 'Thank You' is where I can be at one hundred percent responsible.  Where I accept there is something inside me that attracts certain situations into my live.

 

The biggest asset to live a life is to be at peace no matter what happens.

 

Life loves me.  And, so is the Divine.  The only thing that Life and the Divine ask of me is that I assume all responsibilities.  That I ask for forgiveness and that I take good care of myself.

 

I have to have trust.  I have to trust that if things don't turn out the way I expected, it's because something better if on its way.

 

The Divine has His ways of making things right.  All I need is to ask, and give Him my permission, for that beautiful right things to happen.

 

Yes, I am sorry and please forgive me for what is going on in me that has created certain situations and certain problems.

 

 

 

[IkuTube]

Life has a bright side and a dark side.  In the world of relativity, in this world that houses humanity, it is composed of light and shadow.

 

It is important to experience Life with its brighter side.  When I want to be happy, I have to have an open heart and an open mind.  When I want to be peaceful, I have to have an open heart and an open mind.  Even, should I am not able to be happy or peaceful, I have to have an open heart and  an open mind.

 

If I continue to blame on somebody and everybody for all the errors of my life, I am not taking full responsibility.  When I keep blaming others, I am not living in my purpose.  I am not submitting myself for a higher purpose.

 

If I continue to blame others, I am permitting my thoughts to dwell on the dark and the negative.  That will make me to become ugly, dark and negative.

 

I have to look at the beauty of life with an open heart and an open mind.  I have to look for the good in everything.  Life, in itself, is good.

 

Life, in the house of humanity where I am, is about me looking at what's going on in me.  What I constantly experience with certain people in certain ways, or certain ideas.

 

The question that I have to ask myself is whether I am willing to let all go.  That I am willing to take full responsibility for anything and everything that is happening to me?

 

Only when I am looking for the good in anything and everything, that I absorb the quality of beauty. That I embrace the existence of zero.  That I become a true partner with the Divine.

 

Only when I can put divinity first that I shall have all the earth abundance I would ever dream of.  Positivity in life changes life. 

 

Very often, the warfare is all in the mind.

 

Peace begins with me.

 

 

[IkuTube]

Life comes in fragments.  That's how the Divine, or God, presents it so that all of a lifetime's experiences will not be overwhelming.  Should everything comes in one wave, it can be mind-blogging and staggering.

 

But the experiences, each one of them, are for me to determine and not by the circumstances of my life.  In all these experiences that come, I have to be very still.  I have to allow them to take place in my life without any resistance whatsoever.  Every experiences are to be observed.  They come into me for good reasons.

 

To resist is to persist.

 

These experiences come in fragments so that I can see them. So that I can spend more time to talk to them. To clean and erase them. To make things right.

 

It is the gift of the Divinity, of God, for me to be born rich emotionally, materially and spiritually.  That is how all life begins with.  To keep only the best and that I discard the rest.  It is a simple way to lessen my loads on my luggage moving forward in life.

 

Everything happen for good reasons.  When life comes in fragments, I have more opportunity to take full responsibility.  I have more opportunity to take charge.  I have more opportunity to love and experience love.

 

Life loves me.
God loves me.

The Divine loves me.

 

The only task I have to do is to clean and erase my errors - in all my thoughts, words, deeds and actions - that I have accumulated, created and accepted.  I simply have to do it for a right Divine's life to happen.

 

It is .. because I have to love Life.  I have to love the Divine.  I have to love God.

 

 

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, IkuTube said:

Life comes in fragments.  That's how the Divine, or God, presents it so that all of a lifetime's experiences will not be overwhelming.  Should everything comes in one wave, it can be mind-blogging and staggering.

-----

 

Your heartbits are valuable information to not fear getting older but to look forward to the experience. And you may be just starting.

All it takes is to stay healthy, and then the transformations occur.

This may explain why healthy seniors are usually smiling 

 

[fallmerees]

So I've been journaling a lot lately and I thought I'd share something here. The posts that I will share are just messy, random thoughts. Please forgive me if they don't make sense. It made sense during the writing haha.

 

My First Time.

 

Like many people, I’ll never forget my first time.  

 

Although, not many can say that their first time was in their late 20s. Mine was, and believe it or not, it was sometime last year. 

 

Unlike some people, I had no desire or eagerness to get rid of my virginity.  I’ve always been a late bloomer in life especially when it comes to sex. Of course, I get curious sometimes but I always tend to hold back. I didn’t care about the stigma of being a virgin. Despite how sexual I might have been perceived online, a big part of me still believed that there were some traces of innocence I should cling to. My virginity.

 

As cliché as it was, I’d always pictured my first time with someone I knew and loved. It didn’t need to be magical - just special. 

 

Love.  Although I never experienced it in its entirety, all my life, I’d been experiencing it vicariously through other people’s relationships. Now I’m older, the idea of love has gotten more intriguing to me maybe because how rare it is these days. 

 

My first time was with a stranger. We met through a social app. Nope, it wasn’t Grindr. I’ve always found that to be a hopeless source for real connections. 

 

He was a teacher. I used to think that teachers would make such perfect lovers. They’re good listeners, great communicators, and somehow I've always found them very reassuring. 

 

Like on all my social profiles, I try to be my most genuine self. I also mention the generic things like who I am and sometimes what I do, and the types of friendships I seek. I also mention my insecurities. OMG who does that?! Well, *points to self* this guy!  Showing your vulnerable side can turn some people off, but to me I just want to be an open book. Sometimes too open for my own good. 

 

The teacher initiated the conversation. I remember I was at McDonald’s getting myself dinner. My phone buzzed and his named appeared on the notification screen - Lawrence. I didn’t know any Lawrence before. He was my first.

 

Lawrence told me all these flattering things about me.  He thought I was cute and had a beautiful smile. On top of that, he loved my profile and how honest it was. YAY! I rarely get compliments and usually don’t know how to react to them. Unlike most guys in the gay community, I’ve always found myself very different. I’m not gym/fit, I’m too skinny and awkward. I always joke that I’m the alien type - the type that can’t fit in. As soon I saw his message, I was smitten. Could he be the one?

 

One morning he messaged me and asked if I wanted to come over to his place. I told him I had work to do and a deadline to meet. He sent me a video of himself pouting his lips and begging me to come over. I caved in. 

 

When I got to his place, I felt beads of sweat rolling down my back. This was my first time meeting a guy at his place. I barely knew this man. This was all going too fast. “Shit, what am I doing here?”

 

I was scared. Part of me wanted to leave mainly because I thought I wasn’t ready. Plus, I had work to do. But at the same time I was curious - and a little hopeful - to find where this would go. 

 

Lawrence sensed my nervousness and probably my awkwardness too. He managed to talk me down with some small talk. After warming up to him, we ended up kissing on the couch in his living room. The next thing I knew, we’re already in his bedroom with our clothes on the floor. This was my first time being naked in front of another man. Oh shit, is this really happening?

 

Despite my skinny frame, he told me how sexy I was. I was embarrassed. Lawrence had a big build. I guess he could be categorized as stocky. He was handsome. I was a little taller than him. Tall and lanky. 

 

We kissed and hugged. I didn’t want it to end. Then it was time for the real thing. I was so nervous but I mustered up the courage. “It’ll be okay,” he reassured. 

 

My first time. It wasn’t like what I thought it’d be. It felt awkward probably because I was inexperienced. Something unexpected happened: a tear rolled down the side of my face. Could it be my soul crying? Was my soul trying to say something? I hoped Lawrence didn’t see that. It was already so awkward as it was, at least for me. But with a little bit of his guidance, we slowly got the hang of it. He eventually came. I didn’t. I was fine with that. I was just glad it was over.

 

We spent the next 15 minutes cuddling and kissing. That was probably the most intimate thing I’d ever done with anyone. The pillow talk was nice. I didn’t want it to end but I had work to do. We proceeded to take a shower together. The products in his shower fascinated the little gay in me. Everything smelled so good! It was my first time being introduced to Jack Black. We used that expensive body wash to clean ourselves up. It was very intimate. It was nice and we smelled nice. I didn’t want it to end.

 

After shower, we spent the next half an hour talking and having coffee in the living room. We talked about various topics from movies to his taste of music. You’d think he’s a music snob but  pop music playing in the background would disagree. He told me  he was trying to keep up with what his students was listening to. I thought that was kinda cute. He must have really cared about his students. He was so charming and that just made me want to learn more about him. 

 

Lawrence told me that he had just gotten out of a long relationship and that he wasn’t really looking for anything serious at the moment. I understood where this was going. I tried not to show that I was a little disappointed because I was already falling for him. 

 

I don’t remember how but he somehow managed to mention all these guys he was also seeing.  The disappointment became hurt. At that moment, it felt like I was one of his conquests. I wish he hadn’t told me that. Why would he tell me that? He was probably trying to make sure that I didn’t get attached. Too late, I already got attached. Sigh. I just wanted to be the only one. 

 

I smelled like Lawrence the rest of the day while I was out at work. The long lingering smell of his expensive body wash still lingered on me and even my shirt smelled like him. It was intoxicating. I was obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I tried to buy myself a bottle of the body wash online but it was just too expensive. I didn’t want the smell to go away. I wanted him.

 

I’d been thinking about Lawrence a lot ever since that day. It’d been weeks and I finally mustered up the courage to give him a text, hoping to see him again. 

 

“Hey Lawrence! How are you? It’s been awhile! We should hang out!"

“I’m actually kinda dating someone now,” he said.  

“You are? I see. I’m happy for you tho! :)” I lied. I wasn’t happy at all. I wish we could still hang out even as friends. Maybe that would just complicate things.  

 

And that’s the last time I heard from him. Despite saying he was seeing someone else, he was still   using the app. I was hurt. Maybe I got played. Damn, was I an idiot? Perhaps all the years of teaching impressionable teenagers had perfected his charade. It also helped that he was a film teacher. He probably knew how to handle impressionable guys like me too. I still wonder how many others he’d fooled or was I the only one? Ugh, idiot. 

 

I hated the fact that he was my first. I didn’t know losing my virginity to the wrong guy could cause me so much pain and deep regret. I still couldn’t get over him. I didn’t miss him though. I for sure didn’t miss the sex. I just missed the intimacy. I still do. The cuddling and kissing, and the just being with someone that’s something I’ve craved for for so long. I wish I didn’t have a taste of that. Some people say you can't crave for something you don’t know. I know intimacy. I’ve unfortunately tasted it. And I crave for it.

 

In a slump of depression and finding the way out, I tried to recreate the same intimacy with a couple of guys I met online, but in vain. But the same thing happened like it did with Lawrence: a tear rolled down my face when we had sex. Little did I know, those last traces of innocence I once clung to so tightly were no longer there. 

[IkuTube]

On 10/16/2019 at 11:08 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Your heartbits are valuable information to not fear getting older but to look forward to the experience. And you may be just starting.

All it takes is to stay healthy, and then the transformations occur.

This may explain why healthy seniors are usually smiling 

 

 

Hehe, perhaps at the end of the day, it is about acceptance.  To accept and not to resist whatever that comes our way.  The feeling of peace is often underrated.

 

[IkuTube]

I am not a religious person but I do love God.  I do love the spiritual aspect of the Divine, the Divinity.  And, in this respect, I often miss 'Home';  where I come from.

 

But this missing-feeling is only a mind paradigm.  'Home' is anywhere and everywhere.  It is where I want it to be.  There is no time and space around it.

 

I am, as I live in this House of Humanity on Earth, I am constantly changing.  Every moment, every year, I am a different person.  Nothing stays the same forever.

 

So, my thinking differs with time. My wish is different and can be different from time to time. My problems are different.  How could then that an answer to life be the same year after year?

 

The purpose of life, in each breaths of every moment, is to be restored back to love, moment by moment.  To fulfill this purpose, I have to acknowledge that I am fully responsible for creating my life the way it is.

 

I have to feel that my thoughts create my life and to the ways I live my life , moment by moment. I am what I think.  I become what I think.

 

My intellect knows nothing. Even if I tell myself that I know, I actually do not know.  My identity is void of intellects.

 

Love is for my soul, not for they intellect. A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world.

 

The simplest way to live is that I deal not with a problem but with the feelings I experience.  As I acknowledge every feelings, I clean and erase what is within me.

 

I am letting go and to let Divinity do what's best for me.  Intentions are limitations but Divine inspirations are decisions of the Divine.

 

I can choose but I shouldn't decide.  Divinity decides.

 

 

 

 

[fallmerees]

Part One

 

Started as strangers, we became friends. 

As we grew closer, you became someone I cared about a lot.

A best friend, a brother, a father figure, a lover and more. You were all wrapped in one.

It was hard to put a finger on our situation. 

Our relationship. Whatever it was, it was complicated but simple. 

But it was really beautiful too. 

Unknowingly, it blossomed into something very special.

 

You were a wise man of many words.

I was just a fool of few words. 

You were a talker. I was a listener.

Somehow our opposites attracted and brought us together. 

Both broken in our own ways, you pointed out that we had enough broken parts and imperfections to make a working whole. 

You made me feel complete. 

 

I was always so happy to hear from you.

I’d always anticipate a message notification because it’d always be you.

Seeing your name and your message on the little screen always put me in a good mood.

 

 

Even when you were busy, you'd still find time to see me.

I didn't mind even if it was just for 10 or 45 minutes. I just loved being with you.

I'd take every chance that I got to see you.

 

I’ll miss looking forward to the weekends. 

We would try to spend the weekend together as much as we could.

If it was not on a Friday evening, it’d either be on a Saturday morning or late at night.

Sometimes we'd meet on Sunday evening.

Our late night Sunday meetings always made me feel less anxious about going back to work the next day. 

 

I remember spending a couple of hours late at night on the pier with you.

The pier. It became our spot where we would just forget about the world and be in each other’s presence. 

 

You were an escape from my reality, my dysfunctional family, my dysfunctional home. 

You made me forget about all my worries and the uncertainties of the future. 

You were my sanctuary, my safe place. You were home to me.

It was always a little sad and painful to go back to my mundane life after spending time with you. 

 

There's always something about the full moon. It's just full of hope, energy and love.

It was during a full moon when I whispered that four-letter word in your ear.

Even though you made me do it, I meant it. I really did.

It was also during that full moon when I found out how you really felt for me.

You became my first love.

 

Now every time I see a full moon, I'll think of you.

And I wonder if you’ll think of me when you see one too...

Edited October 19, 2019 by fallmerees

[Guest Guest]

10 hours ago, IkuTube said:

I am letting go and to let Divinity do what's best for me.  Intentions are limitations but Divine inspirations are decisions of the Divine.

 

I can choose but I shouldn't decide.  Divinity decides.

 

This last two lines are a little frightneing.  I suspect you might be going through depression. I do not know how to help you with anything. But at least, you might want to go google and check things out for yourself. Like the saying goes:  Knowing is winning half the battle.

 

Maybe going to some place where the weather is cooler and away from the oppressive heat can help clear your mind somewhat. Good luck. Wishing you the best.

[yag123123]

On 4/11/2019 at 10:07 PM, vera. said:

my depression just got better but my heart is still confused... i have strong feelins for this guy at work...i dont wanna talk to him.. i just wanna tell him bout my feelins but wat if my depression gets worse from the rejection... everytime i see him from afar, all i wish for is to be with him yet i tell myself why would such an amazin person feel the same... 

 

I too experience this except that person has a special place in my heart, he is the first person that i fall in love and this place has became a scar because he left me..

 

I tried to approach him, but as i cant talk ,afraid that i might get rejected and he needs to be alone as i dont wanna embarass him (because i might be afraid he has forgotten who i was or that my memories are made up as it has been over 10 years ago)

 

The thing is he left the company and i cannot have the chance to really talk to him, if possible to be friends..

 

What i am trying to say is...we never know when could be the last time you ever see this person...

 

You never know, maybe not as lovers, you guys can be best of friends too

 

[yag123123]

On 5/21/2019 at 1:11 AM, mate69 said:

 

Thanks man. I will at some point in the future when I am ready.

It is ok to regret about things

 

You fked up...i fked up...everyone had fked up

 

We are all humans and humans are not perfect

 

But love is accepting each other unperfect traits and accepting them for who they are

 

And i disagree the words

 

"You will be fine"...

 

It is like...when someone is down  and..you ask that person to cheer up...and the person can magically become happy?

 

If someone actually cares,

That person will be a listening ear

 

Instead of putting a big fat full stop on someone's situation by saying

 

You will be fine

 

Cheer up

 

Life will be better for you one day

 

When in reality, no! ,life actually sucks

And it will be even sucky-er when we get older

 

That is why we need good friends, family , someone that we can walk life journey together..