Is it ok to cheat on your bf if you suspect that he cheated on you?

[Yozwhatsup]

As per topic. Idk lately my 6th sense tells me that it’s either he’s still in love with one of his exes or he’s probably cheating on me 

 

argh 

Edited July 10, 2018 by Yozwhatsup

[Guest Yozwhatsdown]

6th sense?!

Is it ok to put someone behind bars if you suspect that he committed a crime? Without evidences, without speaking to him about it.

In fact, even if he did cheat on you, Doesn't mean you should cheat on him. 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Yozwhatsdown]

17 minutes ago, Guest Yozwhatsdown said:

6th sense?!

Is it ok to put someone behind bars if you suspect that he committed a crime? Without evidences, without speaking to him about it.

In fact, even if he did cheat on you, Doesn't mean you should cheat on him. 

 

 

 

 

Apologies, I re-read my reply and it sounds quite rude. Don't mean to be so. 

 

But hope you get my point. First, don't assume. Second, if you cheat on him, you'll be like him too. 

 

Instead speak to him and work out a mutually respectful decision. 

[Ben Ben Ben]

Open discussion with him 

[fab]

2 wrongs don't make 1 right.

 

 

[Guest Blank]

I'm surprised people here didn't suggest you to go for open relationship like how they always do. 

 

Since you don't trust him, this relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. This is the most basic thing

 

 

 

[Guest yow!]

you are just finding excuses to cheat.

[Guest Sean]

If u asked 10 people 5 say OK , and 5 say NO , what is your decision ? 

 

 

[adidas]

24 minutes ago, Guest yow! said:

you are just finding excuses to cheat.

second that

[repressednerd]

If you are thinking of cheating on your bf, the relationship is already not stable as a closed one. See his reaction if you ask for an open relationship and you will know if he’s cheating or wants to cheat.

[TheShortGuy]

If think that he cheating on you, which maybe not. And you start cheating on him but later he found out you cheat on him. What will both of you do? Regardless is there a cheating both need find a solution instead of revenge.

[GachiMuchi]

2 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

As per topic. Idk lately my 6th sense tells me that it’s either he’s still in love with one of his exes or he’s probably cheating on me 

 

argh 

 

1. Immature much! Grow up.

2. Revenge only makes you a vengeful bitch. 

3. You guys should just break off and go find your own happiness.

 

I am sure you will find out the the reason for him to go find someone else could all because of point 1 & 2.

Your immaturity could be the main cause. You should just stay single until you are ready to commit.

 

 

[koolkai]

3 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

As per topic. Idk lately my 6th sense tells me that it’s either he’s still in love with one of his exes or he’s probably cheating on me 

 

argh 

 

You must continue to stay virtuous and faithful to your bf. If confirmed he is cheating, talk to him about it and tell him that he must stay faithful to him. You must not cheat on your bf!

[Peterjty]

5 hours ago, Guest yow! said:

you are just finding excuses to cheat.

 

4 hours ago, adidas said:

second that

 

I completely agree. 

[lonelyglobe]

冤冤相cheat何时了

[Guest Cheater]

9 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

As per topic. Idk lately my 6th sense tells me that it’s either he’s still in love with one of his exes or he’s probably cheating on me 

 

argh 

I would be worried if nobody in this human world is cheating.

[fab]

25 minutes ago, Guest Cheater said:

I would be worried if nobody in this human world is cheating.

 

I would rather u worry than to 've cheating in this world.

 

 

[snowball]

the keywords is " suspect. " 

if your heart break, then break off and move on, if you cheat, what makes you different from those cheater? 

[Ben Ben Ben]

Don’t get caught 

[Yozwhatsup]

8 hours ago, snowball said:

the keywords is " suspect. " 

if your heart break, then break off and move on, if you cheat, what makes you different from those cheater? 

The thing is... I don’t wanna be a loser in the end

[snowball]

3 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

The thing is... I don’t wanna be a loser in the end

what you gain then? you just make yourself behave like the one you you called cheater, that's no a good excuse for flirting.

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

The thing is... I don’t wanna be a loser in the end

 

You won't be a loser only in the end, but you are a potential loser from the beginning

because you agree to a relationship where "cheating" is a possibility.

Cheating is only possible if there is an implicit or explicit commitment to "fidelity".

You should discuss the "cheating" with your partner like adults, and try to figure out

why you need to be miserable with "fidelity" instead of just having love for each other. 

[Ben S]

First of all, suspicion is not enough as proof ... need facts.

 

If facts prove your bf cheating, then either break up ... or discuss for open relationship.

[koolkai]

7 hours ago, Yozwhatsup said:

The thing is... I don’t wanna be a loser in the end

What is there to lose? if he is confirmed cheating, and you feel that it is not worthwhile to maintain the relationship, move on. Telling him that you also cheat does not change anything. Sex should be sacred and you are not supposed to do it randomly with anyone. Same-sex relationship is generally very unstable and fragile. Hence, don't get into a relationship so easily till you are able to find the right person. if the need arises, DIY to prevent yourself from getting any sexually transmitted diseases which is not worth the risk.

[fab]

爱别离苦

相见会苦

得不到苦

 

到哪天他的良心会发现。。。。。。

[upshot]

Bad enough if this is real he is cheating on you but you doing the same does make you as bad if not worst. And not doing yourself any favor. And whats worst...you only guess he is cheating.. without any solid proof.

[Steve5380]

12 hours ago, koolkai said:

Sex should be sacred and you are not supposed to do it randomly with anyone. Same-sex relationship is generally very unstable and fragile.

 

Yes, yes.  It is very unstable and fragile IF YOU MAKE sex SACRED.

Nature does not make it SACRED. 

Same-sex relationships that consider sex ENJOYABLE instead of SACRED are much, much more stable.

[thorzguy]

The word is suspect -  not confirmed. 

Even if it suspect turs confirmed, was that the agreement in the first place? "you cheat, so I cheat (too)? 

Communicate before it gets too late. 

[fab]

Whatever you do, don't hurt anyone.

 

[Guest Glyph]

On 7/12/2018 at 4:21 AM, Steve5380 said:

Yes, yes.  It is very unstable and fragile IF YOU MAKE sex SACRED.

Same-sex relationships that consider sex ENJOYABLE instead of SACRED are much, much more stable.

 

As much as I'd like to agree, gonna beg to differ. The idealistic me would love to see sex between couples as bonding rituals instead of skin-deep pleasures. Stability has little to do with it though, IMO that'd be communication.

[Steve5380]

40 minutes ago, Glyph said:

 

As much as I'd like to agree, gonna beg to differ. The idealistic me would love to see sex between couples as bonding rituals instead of skin-deep pleasures. Stability has little to do with it though, IMO that'd be communication.

 

I also like the characterization of "bonding rituals".  And good sex must be more than skin-deep and involve the whole reproductive system.  This is emotional too.

But, is it non sacred to have invited guests?  Don't churches have invited speakers, invited preachers?

[Guest Glyph]

Hence communication... though perhaps it might've been better for me to mention that I didn't quite like the use of "sacred" in koolkai's post. Religion and I don't mix, really.

[riverrobles]

On ‎7‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 12:47 PM, Yozwhatsup said:

As per topic. Idk lately my 6th sense tells me that it’s either he’s still in love with one of his exes or he’s probably cheating on me 

 

argh 

 

Hi @Yozwhatsup,

It is a blessing to have a boyfriend , for many PLUs this is their ultimate goal. So please do not waste your time thinking negative thoughts against your poor bf. It is not fair to him. Like how you manage people, you have to thrust your subordinates that they do their tasks correctly , we live and work based on thrust. If you do no thrust people and see the good in people, it would be difficult to go out of your house and live since no man is an island.

 

My advice:

1. Talk to him about this negative thoughts, be open. The main issue here is complacency, see my 5WHYs below.

2. Check on your anxiety, do you need treatment? Mental disorder is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Premise:

Are you living together , cohabiting? How often do you have sex with him? The rootcause analysis below is applicable on LDR ,  people who are cohabiting and couples who are not living with each other.

 

5WHYs

PROBLEM: Thinking negative thoughts that bf is having sex with another person

WHY1: Not having sex lately

WHY2:  Rare contact with boyfriend

WHY3: Both do not find ways and time to meet

WHY4: Very rare communication with bf 

WHY5: Being complacent, "I already got a bf " syndrome

 

There will only be two outcomes, positive and negative.

Positive, he will understand where your thoughts are coming from , both of you will find a solution. 

Negative, you will have a misunderstanding, a fight (which is normal in a relationship) but then it can still be fixed

 

Also I got these 3 snippets from this post. 

The way you are self-sabotaging: Automatically believing what you think and feel is true.
What your subconscious mind wants you to know: You want to worry because it feels comfortable, therefore safer.

 

The way you are self-sabotaging: Being unhappy even when nothing is wrong.
What your subconscious mind wants you to know: You keep expecting outside things to make you feel good, rather than relying on changing how you think and what you focus on.

 

The way you are self-sabotaging: Focusing on fear thoughts and irrational ideas.
What your subconscious mind wants you to know: You’re misusing the power of your mind.

 

 

Worst case scenario, if you really can not control your thoughts and still want to cheat, I would really suggest you to break-up with him and just let the poor guy free. 

I'm happy to have coffee with him since I'm now single.

[blowmenow]

18 hours ago, riverrobles said:

@Yozwhatsup

 

 

Worst case scenario, if you really can not control your thoughts and still want to cheat, I would really suggest you to break-up with him and just let the poor guy free. 

I'm happy to have coffee with him since I'm now single.

this is the best part of your message! lol

[sum1outhere_03]

Indeed to the above post. He's probably asking for a "yes" to his question.

[riverrobles]

Hi TS, I do hope you make the right decision. Kindly update us here if that’s not too much.

 

16 hours ago, blowmenow said:

this is the best part of your message! lol

 

@blowmenow also wants to know  :-)

[Yozwhatsup]

On 7/15/2018 at 6:06 PM, riverrobles said:

Hi TS, I do hope you make the right decision. Kindly update us here if that’s not too much.

 

 

@blowmenow also wants to know  :-)

Hi  right now, part of me trust him and part of me doesn’t . Which is frustrating me right now

[riverrobles]

Hi @Yozwhatsup thanks for being transparent . That feeling is very normal.

[Guest Vj21]

No. Just breakup with him.

[mate69]

2 wrongs don't make a right lah

[Steve5380]

If you have evidence that he cheated on you, there is absolutely NO NEED to cheat on him.

First,  forget then about the word "cheat" and consider it a "license to have sexual relationships outside of his relationship with you."

Upheld a "principle of reciprocity" and announce that his act has transformed the mutual relationship into an OPEN one.

With this as a fact, you two discuss your acceptance or rejection of this now OPEN relationship.

If the OPEN relationship is mutually accepted, then the word "cheating" loses all meaning 

[Guest Going to Songkran]

You're created by the maker with a dick (and an asshole). How you use them is up to you and the person you're using it on.  The consequences are also on both parties.  Other than that, everyone else can f'ck off with their opinions.

 

Same rules applies for your bf.

[Guest who believe in LOVE]

In order to make a relationship works is trust.

[Guest 莱斯特·谭]

An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. An old saying for revenge but with devastating consequences.

[Dereck]

Well, I wouldn't recommend you to cheat on him till you don't know for sure.As a victim of cheating I can say that it's hurts so much as if somebody died when you know the person you truly love cheated on you.I almost married my ex, we planned to do it last year. And I could never even think that he was so two-faced and lived a double life. How did I found? My brother worked as a developer in an IT company which made tracking apps( here it is mspylite, maybe you'll need it too) and he just suggested me to try it just for fun on my ex. I wanted to make his a surprise on his birthday so decided to check his browse history and to see what he really wanted. Turned out he spent a lot of time on gay porn chats.  I decided to have a talk to him, he told that he was going to tell me that he wanted to try something new but didn't know how to tell me.With some time we broke up and I know that now he's dating a guy.

Edited May 12, 2020 by Dereck

[Guest cheat]

1 hour ago, Dereck said:

Well, I wouldn't recommend you to cheat on him till you don't know for sure.As a victim of cheating I can say that it's hurts so much as if somebody died when you know the person you truly love cheated on you.I almost married my ex, we planned to do it last year. And I could never even think that he was so two-faced and lived a double life. How did I found? My brother worked as a developer in an IT company which made tracking apps( here it is mspylite, maybe you'll need it too) and he just suggested me to try it just for fun on my ex. I wanted to make his a surprise on his birthday so decided to check his browse history and to see what he really wanted. Turned out he spent a lot of time on gay porn chats.  I decided to have a talk to him, he told that he was going to tell me that he wanted to try something new but didn't know how to tell me.With some time we broke up and I know that now he's dating a guy.

 

First question:

mspylite

Is this legal?

Hacking of phones is an illegal intrusion into privacy. Your ex can even go and report you if you end on difficult terms.

I recommend to everyone here not to work on such means, it might end bad for you if the relationship turns nasty.

 

You can check on your partner by simple means.

Just buy a 2nd pre-paid card and download the app your bf is using, put exactly the nice type of guy he likes. chat him up.

I did that once with my bf. Asked him to meet at the lobby of a hotel.

what I intended to teach him was, everyone can get weak on having flings.

 

 

Second point:

If the trust factor is so hurt, then how?

Sorry, I am quite realistic through my experience in different relationships (most on longer terms as 5 - 15 years).

I would put cheating as 70% into any straight and gay relationship.

One of my ex was even "holding" a second relationship with a guy in another SEA country. (not different to some local straight uncles).

After a certain time, many partners will find sex outside the relationship. There is no exclusivity as to sex.

If monogamous is the only way for you, then I predict you will be disappointed at ample opportunities.

 

Third point:

If you ex turned to porn sites, it simply tells me the story for him not getting sexually 80% of what he was looking for with you. Sorry, I m not grading you down, but there are

1000 of reasons why guys might not get satisfied. One of my close (non sexual) friends was the purest top when I got to know him, 8 years years later he was outed as a bottom.

People change, sexual desires change. You should have asked your ex what the problem is.

I know many couples, once they reached 10 years of relationship, their sexual activity is near to zero. the most intimate things you get are kisses and hugs or cuddling through the night.

And you think these guys keep their dicks soft all the time and refrain from eating food outside the relationship?

For some couples there is an interim period of having 3somes or group fun and all other sorts of getting with "common" sex life along.

 

Last point:

In my experience, if infidelity is the factor of your relationship, I don't see a long future. From early on you must build up other factors that bind together the person to you and create matching common interests in life and leisure.

 

[Guest Guest]

3 hours ago, Dereck said:

Well, I wouldn't recommend you to cheat on him till you don't know for sure.As a victim of cheating I can say that it's hurts so much as if somebody died when you know the person you truly love cheated on you.I almost married my ex, we planned to do it last year. And I could never even think that he was so two-faced and lived a double life. How did I found? My brother worked as a developer in an IT company which made tracking apps( here it is mspylite, maybe you'll need it too) and he just suggested me to try it just for fun on my ex. I wanted to make his a surprise on his birthday so decided to check his browse history and to see what he really wanted. Turned out he spent a lot of time on gay porn chats.  I decided to have a talk to him, he told that he was going to tell me that he wanted to try something new but didn't know how to tell me.With some time we broke up and I know that now he's dating a guy.

I thought you wanted to say ur ex was also dating another guy while in a relationship with you, end up its just gay porn chats??

 

Ok lah, different ppl hv different perception of ‘cheating’, but i really think attached guys chatting with other guys on the virtual space is a common thing.

[Dereck]

19 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

I thought you wanted to say ur ex was also dating another guy while in a relationship with you, end up its just gay porn chats??

 

Ok lah, different ppl hv different perception of ‘cheating’, but i really think attached guys chatting with other guys on the virtual space is a common thing.

Yeah, I didn't mention he also agreed on a hookup with 2 of them, so...

[Dereck]

21 hours ago, Guest cheat said:

 

First question:

mspylite

Is this legal?

Hacking of phones is an illegal intrusion into privacy. Your ex can even go and report you if you end on difficult terms.

I recommend to everyone here not to work on such means, it might end bad for you if the relationship turns nasty.

 

You can check on your partner by simple means.

Just buy a 2nd pre-paid card and download the app your bf is using, put exactly the nice type of guy he likes. chat him up.

I did that once with my bf. Asked him to meet at the lobby of a hotel.

what I intended to teach him was, everyone can get weak on having flings.

 

 

Second point:

If the trust factor is so hurt, then how?

Sorry, I am quite realistic through my experience in different relationships (most on longer terms as 5 - 15 years).

I would put cheating as 70% into any straight and gay relationship.

One of my ex was even "holding" a second relationship with a guy in another SEA country. (not different to some local straight uncles).

After a certain time, many partners will find sex outside the relationship. There is no exclusivity as to sex.

If monogamous is the only way for you, then I predict you will be disappointed at ample opportunities.

 

Third point:

If you ex turned to porn sites, it simply tells me the story for him not getting sexually 80% of what he was looking for with you. Sorry, I m not grading you down, but there are

1000 of reasons why guys might not get satisfied. One of my close (non sexual) friends was the purest top when I got to know him, 8 years years later he was outed as a bottom.

People change, sexual desires change. You should have asked your ex what the problem is.

I know many couples, once they reached 10 years of relationship, their sexual activity is near to zero. the most intimate things you get are kisses and hugs or cuddling through the night.

And you think these guys keep their dicks soft all the time and refrain from eating food outside the relationship?

For some couples there is an interim period of having 3somes or group fun and all other sorts of getting with "common" sex life along.

 

Last point:

In my experience, if infidelity is the factor of your relationship, I don't see a long future. From early on you must build up other factors that bind together the person to you and create matching common interests in life and leisure.

 

The app is legal. It just depends on how you use it. A lot of moms use tracking apps for looking after their kids or companies who want to track on the working process.

 

As for your second point, it may not always work. Better and easier to use apps like that.

 

Third point. Agree, sexual desires change, but why not to discuss this with me first?

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, Dereck said:

Yeah, I didn't mention he also agreed on a hookup with 2 of them, so...

oic, you never say. then not so good.

anyway, move on!