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b.o.r.e.d. west

I actually started a small whatsapp group mostly for guys interested in gaming about 2 years ago, but over time we have "diversified" into other interest groups like drinking, MTG, clubbing, and life got busy (NS/Uni/Work) so we don't meet up anymore but are still on friendly terms (miss u guys). I don't mind helping to kickstart a LINE and/or whatsapp group for all the new people but do PM me (so not everyone gets your number) your preference if you would like a whatsapp or LINE group. Disclaimer: I'm just a coordinator I'm not obliged to organize outings for now until my life quietens down at least haha.

Time for a revolution, onward with the change, no need to fear it but to embrace it...

"U deserve someone beta" "I m not good enough for u" "We can be best brothers"

JOB HUNTING IS STRESSFUL

Feels like some people just are just cherry picking parts of the article to bash at...

An interesting incident happened to me in the cinema earlier on. Random guy: Are you watching The Hunger Games? Me: Maybe...why? Random guy: Well, I have an extra ticket and my friend is not coming. If you don't mind, we can watch it together. *grins sheepishly* I think he's a real life Barney Stinson.

Have 2 fit tops staying in hotel near Jb City centre on 1-3 Apr. PM me with stats and photo if interested

Yes... No... Maybe. What is the point of asking again? To feel better about not being able to fulfill his dick length requirements?

Speed through skills ! Signals !

For those who read the novel. IMHO, the best rendition of the entire story.

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chubs?

chubs?

any chn in jurong wif place needs a good suck now pm me 28 here

A good relationship age like fine wine. No one likes an impatient partner.

i know you make time for the things that you want — but come and see me for once.

Nice dick u have there...

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I watch this in office and feel very horny a j o or bj in the east will ease my tension http://hotgay01.tumblr.com/post/122136951821/gbox-ea-%E5%88%9D%E3%82%81%E3%81%A6%E3%81%AE%E3%82%A2%E3%83%8A%E3%83%AB-first-anal-sex

anyone in tampines / bedok want to hj or bj me ?

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Hi kaz, I dun share photo. Thanks! Genuine & Professional Services! Cheers! Luis

I am around there today.

Anyone at Bangsar South?

Manly top flx seek smooth twinks to fondle and more...

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Good Friday! Saturday Sunday

Pmed

any btm at bukit jalil or sri petaling area?

horny sucker here...

tired, i want some coffee....

Last sunday we got a record breaking of 22 runners joining. This weekend our running group taking a break. Will post on next week date and timing once i confirm with the group organizer.

bw is the hottest now!

Jesus... Did you even read the article? Yes, he wants to raise prices of water - that much is clear. But he's not raising it because he wants people to suffer but because he feels that sg should learn to manage demand of water also instead of just supply of water. It's like you just latch on to the most sensational bit of info and ran with it.

Typically before. Once an offer is made, it is taken that they have done their due diligence on you.

I like you a lot but I don't know how to tell u that cos I'm afraid it would ruin our friendship. It was nice being able to see u today even if it was only for 5mins.

Who keen to exchange massge??

Yeap, been there as well. Opps, forgot to write this into the list. They have a good range of equipment. There's a 24hr outlet under their name. No matter what you do, do not drop the weights there. Its a zero tolerance for those who drop or slam the weights on the floor.

Nu sentral/Kl sentral or subang area (subang parade/empire)anyone, add me wechat/line: Drahcir

Are u from WdA then?

Fans of BW gather!

I think they have a very very good range of equipments and space. And if you stay to their Bishan, an added bonus since it is 24 hours. It attracts the much younger and hardcore crowd though I feel...

line id: hotfire131

Writing alone is indeed pretty therapeutic! I feel much much better especially when people with low self-esteem like me anonymously voice out his feelings to the public and somehow got mixed responses, which further helped me in this ordeal.

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Chapter 26 Back then I was an early bird, always the first one to be up and the first one to kiss my pillow goodnight. Well apparently that was more than a decade ago, try asking me to do that now it would probably be the opposite. You know when you reached a certain age, no matter how much rest or sleep you get, it is always another five minutes or ten minutes, which turns out to be an hour or more. I was up early and typing away on my laptop and in between procrastinating if I should wake Vic Henry up for breakfast or just let him sleep a little longer. Zubair was already on the sofa at the lobby waiting for the rest to be up and grab breakfast but to no avail. In the end, I decided that it would be just the both of us walking along the streets of Bangkok and deciding what is good for we early birds. A short walk plus a taxi ride ended us near MBK where we head to a back alley for some hawker style food. “Kway teow rua?” I blurted out to Zubair. He gave me the smile and had a sip of his watermelon juice. He was busy maneuvering his fingers around the keypad of his phone before shoving the phone screen to my face. I read the few lines and just nodded to acknowledge what was being shown. “You got over him yet?” Zubair asked. I was rather skeptical to answer that question but knowing Zubair, he would not budge till I gave an answer. It wasn’t till he catapults an ice cube onto my face that I answered him. A shrug and biting my lips would be the typical Aaron’s reaction to such questions until he repeated the question one more time. “Well it would be mendacious if I declared that I have gotten over him and it would be delusional saying that I do not miss his presence but life has to go on right bai? Yes I do miss him a lot and particularly when times Vic was being physical. I don’t care about the physical hurt but what I cannot take is the emotional scar that is left deep within. Some scars does not hurt while some scars are numb. Some scars rid you of the capacity to feel anything ever again. It is not the the bruises on the body that hurts. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind,” as I took a bite on the bueang I was having. Zubair raised an eyebrow and shook his head while smiling. “Aaron, you love that big dick of his and his fair skin right. Tepok merah right?” I laughed at his comment and threw the remaining bits of what I ate to him. “Shut up brah, what was that supposed to mean? It would be red if I tepok you too right? But that aside, it is not easy moving on within a short time frame. Well no one ever said it was easy because of the memories or maybe just the void that was left behind. The world is like a stage, we are all actors and actresses portraying a brave front to show our strength but only each of us know what is buried deep inside.” That is the typical me, always appearing strong during the worst of times but the actual bit deep down inside it hurts as though a knife stabbing right through your gut. On one end, I do admit that there was this tinge of resentment. Cause they say resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It does not change other’s heart but it only changes yours. I have always thought of myself as a person of reasonable mental strength. But through the many experiences that I have went through, recently or long before, has proven it is a thought so very, very wrong. There is something valuable in this discovery, and that would be the sheer lack of patience. It has been a bad habit of mine to constantly get what I desire, with minimal time spent. So it's never like, stop and think, but rather, hit and watch what happens only to think after that. Fully convinced by my egocentric self that some catechising would probably work the magic, and sooner than I imagine, it will all be over. Reflections, some evaluations and perhaps by looking at the big picture, this is just a minor issue that shows itself as a test of character. But the truth that sets limitations on growth of the cognitive to age shows true and really, I am not as smart or mentally invulnerable as I have thought myself to be. Ultimately, it is just this huge ego problem that I have. And it always fails me, at my weakest moments just after a hard struggle with certain occurrences. The reality of it all simply is that I am really just an anaemic character, lacking in vitality and lost in my own speeches, which are just lies in actuality. No matter how hard I try to deny this, the fact is, it will always stand true. Karl Marx once said that men willingly believe anything he wishes. And this is my weakness. We crossed over to MBK as it was only opposite of where we were having our fill for the morning. Zubair wanted to get the list he was handed over by his friends and relatives while I just tagged along wherever he wanted to venture. As we comb each floors, I observed at the faces of people living in the land of smiles. How carefree they are even though we all know behind every smile, there hides a vicious cycle of sadness and disappointment that every moment you had to swallow that lump of saliva down your throat, it feels like you just wanna wake up from the horrible dream. It did not take long before I got a call from Vic Henry. “Dar Dar, where at?” he asked. “MBK now with …” before I could even finish my sentence he cut me short; “With your Thailand bf?” with a rather apprehensive tone. Zubair took one glanced at me and smiled before placing his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it telling me to calm myself down. “I am with Zubair at MBK. Look Vic Henry, if you wanna wake up and assume things and ruin my day, I don’t welcome ya to join me aite?” There was silence over the phone before it went dead. Deep inside, I know that the boyfriend of mine is still bitter over stuff with Martin. Vic Henry always constantly rubs into my face that if I had just left Byrant the day I caught him on his birthday with Henry sucking him off, I would have been a happier person. And that was the text message that soon came after the phone went dead. “Yes I might have been a happier person! Yes I might be better off without having a boyfriend who needs another guy to suck his dick off just because it was his birthday,” first thing I did as I unlock the hotel door to find him seating by the bed reading his newspaper. “What the FUCK is wrong with you Vic Henry? I told you if you wanna tag along do not spoil the mood down here. I can’t even go out with my friend to have breakfast? I left you a FUCKING note so that you will know where are my whereabouts when you wake up. Reason for not waking you up is simply because I want you to have ample rest. You wanna constantly suspecting me of having some scandalous tryst behind your back than you are fucking wrong Mister officer!” Vic Henry stood up, walked towards me and had my back against the dressing table. It followed by a really tight slap to my cheek that to me, it was not the physical hurt but more to where you touch your chest and it goes beyond that. He inched closer to me and placed his hands around my neck. “You piece of ungrateful thrash. I applied for leave to accompany you here despite the workload that I am having and this is how you talk back to me, your boyfriend? Have you not realised whose roof are you staying under back in Singapore? Did you realised yet who paid for all of fucking this?” as his gripped got tighter on my neck. Like I mentioned before, the hurt was not at all physical but it hurts emotionally. Things did not turn out into a whole fiasco where you readers might be thinking there would be an exchange of fist and some wrestling style moves. That aside, I just stood there quietly as the minute on the clock ticks and tears begin rolling down my cheeks. When I cried there was rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound except this was deep inside emotionally I say. I clasp onto the side of the dressing table for support and my whole body begin to tremble. The sobs were stifled at first as I attempted to hide my grief and sadness but more to disappointment but it was overcame by the wave of emotions that caused me to break down entirely, all my defences washed away in those salty tears. When I looked up to see Vic Henry eye to eye, it was devastation. It was the face one who had suffered before and did not know if he I could ever go through all of this heart wrenching moments over and over again. I hide behind a mask of surviving, something I would just wear until everything was right again because I did not know another way. When I cry it is never a trickle and it never starts from my eyes. It begins as a feeling in my chest and sadness in my brain. The leaking water is only a blessed release, it is one way my body chooses to cope and I guess it’s a way to communicate too, although the choice is not mine. Once the first tear got away, the rest followed it, creating a river flowing down my cheeks. My lungs rummaged for oxygen and as though my sobbing had the same force of someone drowning. The flesh under my ribcage throbbed while my cheeks burned and my mind was processing how painful the scenario playing right before my eyes was that it made the tears continue. The look in his eyes is as though of a murderer who is ready to strike another victim to satisfy his lust. I closed my eyes and swallowed the same lump over and over again. I tried telling myself that this was all but just a dream, that it never occurred and I am just gonna wake up being well and such. Even though as much as you wish to lie to yourself in one way or another, the pain you are feeling inside brings you back to reality. I opened my eyes to be greeted by those vicious eyes of Vic Henry once again. My brain is telling me to push him away but my heart held back somehow because I can never muster the courage to do so. Vic Henry’s hold on me was eventually released when there was a knock on the door. He went to answer the door and it was Andrew, the other regular from our squad. I took the chance to grab my hoodie, phone and room key before making a dash towards the door. Vic Henry grabbed me by my arm and told me to stay. I refused but his gripped got tighter. Andrew was feeling a little out of place standing there by the door and looking at the whole disaster that was going on. I used the sleeves of my hoodie to wipe the tears that was flowing down my cheeks and said to Vic Henry nicely; “Let me go or both of us will spend the night in a cell!” He eventually let me go when I mentioned that. I walk down the hallway without even turning back to look at him. You know the feeling when you are “in the zone” and everything else surrounding you is being shut off, I was having that. A text came in from Vic Henry; “U better not do anything stupid or am leaving first thing in the morning…” “Go ahead but take care. And know that I still love you,” a rather distasteful reply was all I could mustered at that moment. Countless bombarding of text messages and phone calls shortly after but at that point, I just could not be bothered. At the highest building in Bangkok with one hand on my phone while the other holding a glass of gin, I had the afternoon view to my own. My train of thoughts wandered far and I begin to question myself, am I doing the right thing? Is this something that I would wish for in a relationship or is this just a façade to fill in those voids left by those past assholes. I bit my lips, closed my eyes and the feeling was real. It hurt so badly that I feel my heart crumbling into the abyss of emptiness. Feelings are like temperatures; Attraction is warm, curiosity is warmer and anger is boiling. Hate can torch but it can also freeze but above all, love stood out the most. Cause love is a temperature best left to being neutral. I plugged in my earphones and scrolled through the photos in my phone, glancing at each of em and reminiscing the memories that had been encrypted deep into my memories. I laughed at some while smile sheepishly at one or two but something else made me jolts back to reality; a picture of Martin and myself during one of our NDP rehearsals. Clad in our no. 1 uniform, it was a picture taken by one of our squad mate. A picture where Martin was adjusting my peak cap with one hand and the other hand holding onto my chin; I smiled at him and something inside had wished he was there with me and telling me everything is gonna be fine. You know what truly aches? Having so much inside of you and not having any avenue to pour it out. Right on point, the song by lil corey came to play and it really brought me down memory lane. Sitting with our backs facing each other as support after the first round of rehearsal, I recalled this conversation; “Tin … your back damn sweaty if you have not realised it. It’s disgusting so stop fidgeting around!” Martin stretches one hand over his head and stuck a finger into my nostril, “Babe is this disgusting for you?” as he laughed and tilt his head backwards leaning on my shoulder. What surprises me next was he begin humming to a tune and started singing, “Baby I love you and I never let you go. But if I have to boy I think you should know. All the love we made could never be erased, Martin promise you that Aaron will never be replace. I can say I am truly happy to this day You made me thank god that I live my life everyday There’s never been a doubt in my mind That I regret ever having you by my side But if the day comes that I have to let you go I think there’s something that I should probably let you should know I enjoyed everyday that I spend with you And I will miss you cause I’m happy that I had you at all” “Oie lovebirds, can wait till after NDP rehearsal then sing to each other hor. Kin ehh milo van here already la sia, go go go whoever wanna get your milo and hurry back here!” one of the FI interrupted Martin’s singing session. We got ourselves up and walked towards the staircase to the ground floor. Martin placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer towards him. “Eh hello, public please. What you trying to do?” “My trophy boyfriend what else.” with that smirked on his face that I would love to wipe off with my lips. “So by singing I will never be replaced, are you sure? Guys are just full of words and empty promises ya know.” Martin pulled me closer to him and position me in a headlock while laughing and walking, “You know what I love bout you most is Aaron? Words fall short whenever I want to tell you how special you are to me, but all I can say is; that my world is full of smiles whenever I think of you. And each moment when I see you, I get butterflies in my stomach. Have you ever heard of the term comfortable silence Aaron? You know how hard it is to keep my hands off you that sometimes I wish you were a girl so that I can make babies with you.” “Tin please yucks, da shit I aint gonna make babies with you neither would I want a vagina for a pee hole. The only one getting penetrated here is you not me definitely,” I laughed to his not so candid reaction when I mentioned that. “What was the song you sang earlier?” I asked Martin. “The song from Jeff’s blog. Why? Not soothing to your ears?” giving a sulk as he answered my question. I shook my head and smiled. “What?” he exclaimed. “Nothing, it’s just I find it rather cute. For you to sing for me.” A random fact, I always have this hot button for someone who is musically incline. I mean it is not a must but if you are musically incline, please step forward. Yes I love to be serenade to sleep with a goodnight song or maybe a piano piece or strumming the guitar. Martin does not care what the others were speaking of him or us and even once went to confront someone who called him a fag. I would not call Martin the typical ah beng when he gets all manly and hot-headed but rather adorable when he is in that state. I often disturbed him till he gets all flustered; “Someone so manly but imagine if they knew you are a cock sucker!” “Oie!” Martin would retaliate; “A man's vanity is more fragile that you might think. It's easy for people to mistake shyness for coldness, and silence for indifference.” And without fail he would kiss my forehead every time he said that.

31 in Nov, LINE ID: 30yochinese Corporate comm executive by day, looking for Chi friends from 25-35 & hopefully LTR. Interests include blogging, jazz singing(open mic), book worm, very into docent & toastmasters & Anything art related If it helps I'm rrreally good at kissing...a skill I accidentally acquired

I always think that V day is an Ang Mo kind of thing, nothing special. The night before V day my bf asked me in bed do i know what day is it next day, i say Why, he say its a Sunday lor. The next day on V day morning he woke up early knowing i need to go to work and we just hug and kiss in bed.. thing lead to another and we had sex and took a shower togather as usual. Then we both prepare ourself, me going to work and he going for his Sunday soccer in punggol field. In my work place the changi air port, afew of my friends were wishing one another happy V day. I see no gifts or flowers . I remember i did not gave any thing to my bf last year. Then i decided that i should get something for him for V day so as he would not feel being left out. By pass the duty free shop and took a look. Everything seems expensive to me because not having much money means not able to choose what i can afford. But still i wanted so much to get something for my bf. Good perfume even at duty free price range from $80 to god know how much. Then i saw what was onces my favourite brand aramis. Then someone called me and there were two old ladys whom i know. They were also having lunch break and smiling asking buying gift for your girl friend for V day they asked. But i was at the Men section. So i reply no looking for a gift for my boy. Your son they asked but i did not answer. As i see them walk away not getting any fun answer from me i saw something that excited me, yes the price of something i can afford. Aramis Armpit Stick at $23. Who give such things especially on a so call special day V day i asked myself for a second. The brand is right and my bf do use such things.. so i bought it. On my way back home from work, my bf Whatapp me and told me he bought fish and vegetable for me to cook for dinner.When i reach home, the minute i step into our small nest my bf look at me and say, you smell so nice. Oh the sample purfume that i use visiting the shop i say. So i cook asam fish, chicken herber soup and oyster veg for our dinner. After dinner, clean up and wearing just my underwear i took our my special gift.. sat next to him and say Happy V day. Gave him the armpit stick, he smile and say wow i did not get anything for you. Kiss me three times and open it. Took it in his hand and says.. wow aramis, er..what is it. ? oh! for me to use on my arm pit right.. ? With a very big smile kiss me again and say you always knows what i need... Thank you .Love you. And we both went to shower.. and watch TV for the rest of the night. This is my V day. No big deal about it but still it will remand special to us i guess.

Chapter 25 This special chapter will be dedicated to Martin. I had been engaged with projects, family commitment, and love life and at the same time, preparation for Martin’s big day. The wedding was supposed to be held in August but due to the passing away of Daphne’s grandmother two weeks before the wedding day and Martin’s grandfather a week before, took a toll on the both of them. The date has been set to December and hopefully things will go smoothly for the both of them. There are reasons to the hiatus but let us leave that to book number five. I have been spending most of the days with Martin either at Starbucks or his crib when the both of us are available. Just last week, we were out shopping for his suit and other stuff for his wedding. It was the time at AX when he blurted out something unexpected. “You happy for me mate?” I looked at him, puzzled by his question but thought nothing of it, “Oh boy, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Martin was looking at the mirror and checking out how the pants were clinging onto his ass, “Hmmm like I am worried for you, you know the usual Martin being worried about little Aaron. Like we cannot do things we use to do all these years...” he winked at me from the reflection of the mirror. I rolled my eyes and stood up. I walked beside him and gave him a smack on his ass, ”Well minus the raunchy part, of course we have to stop mate. Like even the slightest things like kissing, I just can’t imagine you being unfaithful to Daphne. Even if she does say that she rather finds you having an affair or sleeping with me than another women, it does not go well with me.” “Haha so you should stop complaining that your navyboy does not give you ample sex else I would fill in that vacuum,” Martin laughed. “Ohh shut up you ass.” “I am just into feelings and the emotional needs,” Martin mimicking Titus. I told him that I would not be surprised if Daphne was sleeping around as well knowing her future husband is a cocksucker. Martin glared at me and wanted to murder me for passing that remark. Eventually we ended up at crossroads for food and drinks. “Hey fill me in, what has been happening in your life?” “Work and projects. There are of course mainly you but other than that, family and bowling. Spending time with them in their golden years is essential I would say. The fact is you will never know who is the next one to go. As you know, my younger days were spend either partying or travelling thus I felt that I have been neglecting them in many ways. My bro is serving NS and ironically he is in the force too,” as I took a sip on the glass of gin. Martin laughed and looked at me with his sheepish smile. “You still angry at me for putting these tats on?” “Oh just shut up you ass, I told you to never get any in the first place but you refuse to listen. Still say you are gonna tattoo my name on your chest and all. Such baloney can? And no it was just for the moment because I wanted you to have this good boy image but being in a band, I can’t blame you right? Furthermore, it is all in the past and I have nothing against it or you.” He handed me an envelope with my name on it. I raised an eyebrow trying to decipher what was it about. I figured it would be another letter and I was spot on. I pry opened the edges and a similar hand written letter greeted me. I will type word for word what was in the letter without any editing, similar to the previous one. “ Hello aaron, how time flies and within the blink of an eye, it has been almost 8 years when we first met. How often do we look back at the good old memories and begin to ponder. Did we live with any regrets or have we been satisfied with the entire outcome we have braced thus far? And before you know it, I am going to walk down the aisle with you by my side as my best man. Yes i know it is such an unorthodox way to ask you for this favour but you don’t have a choice mate. You HAVE to be my best man on my big day because for you are the only individual that has made a significant difference in my life throughout these years. i know we are both occupied with our own activities these few years and meet only once in a blue moon but I will always remember you as the first guy I have ever kissed and had any sexual physical contact with. Trust me on this when I say you were the only one and the last one, I meant that. After our separation, it was all about building the foundations with daphne. I know the occasional raunchy moments we had and those drunk nights, I never regret having the bestest mouth fucked experienced ever. Although, I am quite reluctant at times when we had to do what you wanted. You know the uniform plus tying up part and cum control things like that stuff. I felt the enjoyment but at the same time felt as though I am a slave succumbed to my master wishes. It had this weird sensation where I am enjoying it but at the same time felt abused. Weird right? Haaa Haaa Haaa … however… it doesn't change what we are to each other… It's like there has always been a piece of my soul missing and I feel that it is inside of you. We both grew so connected to each other, so comfortable with the genuineness and ease of our companionship, that we became careless in keeping our relationship a clandestine. It was not as though that we were physically affectionate or discernibly in love, more that it had became unmanageable for us to hide our close attachment. Both you and I had gradually acquired the unmistakable air of old-love; finishing each other's sentences and speaking to one another with an offhand, audacious intimacy that was eventually spotted by the rest. aaron… you have taught me how to love. Remember when you told me that to love was to overcome ones void of loneliness and to fall in love is actually to take the leap of faith even though your brain tells you not to. You once told me that the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he or she should be right? this is going to be a lengthy letter and I am planning to let you read it while we are having dinner or a drink so that I can enjoy whatever I am drinking or eating while you read on. If you ever post this on the forum, please edit my bad english although knowing you, you would type down the exact sentences. Damn you aaron haahaa… every moment when I was having a not so pleasant moments with daphne, the images of you would always came to mind. And the words and advices you have given me throughout these years on how to manage and build a relationship has been rather a positive influenced. We are after all humans, and more than often our human side kicks in more often that we can say “I do” especially you know those moments when you encouraged me not to give up and how to manage certain issues that might surface, it did work. Not giving you credit for being the love guru of my life but more to you knowing how to handle situations better than my peers who always tell me that booze will solve all matters. Know that you are the important character in my story. I do appreciate the wee hours drive over when I needed a shoulder to cry on and rescuing me at the airport one time when I was not myself. Despite having a busy schedule, you always make an effort to have that little “martin and aaron time” whenever your schedules lets you to.” “Martin…” I called out to him. He was busy trying to get the lychee from the bottom of the glass. “Yea?” “Can I go back and read it? You writing a letter to me or are you writing compositions. Three pages long my gosh and I feel some ninja cutting onions is gonna come if I continue this…” “AARON! Just read for goodness sake. I wrote it especially for you while writing my wedding vows. Need to feel honored mate.” I could not help myself but laugh at his comical moment although I do feel honored that in between his time writing his vows, he got bored and wrote me a letter instead. Such a sweetheart he is. At this very moment, Navyboy just disrupt my focus in typing this chapter when he suddenly jumps around in joy because he got a B+ for his essay. Told me that the prof was some ex AG and it was difficult to score with him. Ok anyway back to the story; “ maybe one day… I will forget you, maybe I won’t forget you forever… but at this point of time, I wish to tell you I never ever regretted knowing you and I still have feelings for you. I know it is hard for us to be together again but as long as you are happy, I am happy knowing you are happy. We do not know what are the limits of each other. You had too many responsibilities on your shoulders while I had too many principles on my lips. You know something aaron? everything is my fault fundamentally. If I had not approached you and if I had not opened up my feelings to fill in those voids years ago, you would not be in this state right now. Although, I know aaron being aaron would always take each life experiences whether it is sweet or bitter to a learning journey. I have tried being in your shoes and withstanding all the unpleasant matters being thrown at me, I could not take it. That explains on nights where you have to play hero to me and came to rescue this damsel in distress. By the way, what is the opposite for damsel I do not wanna sound girlish mate haa haa… i miss you… I always have and I probably always will. Occasionally there are no happy endings. No matter what, I will be losing something or someone in the end. But perhaps that is what it all comes down to. Love I say is not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to promise to something or someone. No matter what impediments or enticements stand in ones way. In reality perhaps in making that choice time and again, day in and day out, year after year will speaks more about love than never having a choice to make at all or begin with. From you too I have learn the art of forgiving; I came to terms that not forgiving someone is as though you are to be imprisoned by the past. Imprisoned by past grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new experiences. Not to forgive another is like to yield oneself to another person’s control. You will be locked into a sequence of act and response comprising of outrage or revenge. A tit for tat they say which is escalating always. The present is endlessly incredulous and consumed by the preceding. Forgiveness liberates the forgiver because it extracts the forgiver from someone else's nightmare. We cannot love a person with an all accepting, transcending and encompassing love without being hurt somewhat, without being disappointed, without being disastrous of our expectations. We cannot love without being wrecked, yet we cannot continue to love without being stronger than our brokenness. Remember when you told me this aaron? I will eventually be getting married but I just cannot shrug this feeling off, the guilt I am carrying for causing you that heartbreak years ago. aaron, till this day I am still living with that conscience, knowing that I had hurt you unintentionally while filling the void in my heart. It was selfish of me I admit using you to fill in that gap. I have said it once but I will say it again. I am honestly sorry from the bottom of my heart and I know you can forgive me but I cannot forgive myself. More than often when I am alone, I would have this vision of you coming back to haunt me for my past misstep. I wanted to stop with you more importantly I wanted to avoid all those instants where we shouldn’t be but the more I tried running way from reality, the worst it became. At one moment, just before I proposed to daphne, I had this thought of calling the whole thing off and being with you. Then… reality sinks it and it hits on me that you are happier now and at your level best doing the things you love and being with the ones you cherish most. I admit it there was a tinge of jealousy and hatred on how you can overcome from one relationship to another with the blink of an eye. It was like after me, you had Vic Henry and when that ended at 6 years, less than a year or so later you were back on your feet. How you do it still amaze me till this very day. Or could it be that you store all the agonizing memories somewhere only where you have access to or maybe in a void where no one knows of its existence not even yourself? Nevertheless, that time at the water breaker where you came and liberated me from my sorrowfulness that you shared and guided me to the appropriate path. you talked sense into me, painting a bleak but clear picture on the pros and cons of my theory. You were not selfish with your advice and warmth during that cold night even though you had a 9 am presentation due the next morning. Even though you had to tell him a lie so that you can liberate me from my grievances. How many individuals out there would do that for another? We are all selfish human beings which most of the time would only do a certain favor for someone when there is benefit to reap in. in times of realization that we often have this flashback of those we have hurt and lost. Sometimes I feel that my heart has overflow. At times I wonder where you are and sometimes what you are doing. More than once I attended your talk for the young entrepreneurs and finally understood what they meant by ones word could move mountains. I shall skip 3 paragraphs as it contains some very raunchy details and currently I am at starbucks typing this and with so many eyes watching I rather not haha. I will end this letter by saying this aaron; thank you, thank you so so so much for being part of my life... For being present when I needed someone at my darkest hour and for helping me out for my wedding and being my best man. I could never ask anything more from you, maybe one last time –wink wink- but jokes aside. Never knew it would go this far aaron, when you left me on that boulevard and moved on with life. Maybe today, maybe another day that I will make you stay a little while for a smile and we laugh together. For perhaps before my big day, I will show a special place for us to visit when we have a martin and aaron time together. I end this letter with a poem I read somewhere for you my dear aaron. “Leaves will fall, cold will creep in A circle of life that ends where it begins It may take a thousand years and a thousand poems penned But my hair will someday gray and my back will bend. Then my shadow will join my body in the earth once again. I know not the way, or even the when Or who chooses that day we are called away to ascend But you suffused me in your bravery and forgave me of my sins You made a home in your heart for mine to live in, to co-exist as one And in return, my friend, this poem is my oath that a river of love will Run through it until the very end of time.” Thank you <3 Martin “ I folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope it came with. I kept quiet and ordered another glass of gin. Although the surrounding was buzzing, the atmosphere surrounding martin and myself at our table was rather of mixed emotions. At one point, I was feeling rather relief but on a higher note, I was worried that Martin might just succumbed to his guilt and do something senseless. If I did not care, if he does not matter to me, I would not be feeling this way. Fact is, I do and I will always do. Martin has this special place in my heart just like Byrant or Titus has and nothing would change it not even death. I never believe when they mention, “till death do us part” to me death is only another chapter in one’s life. It was during that moment of me being mentally elsewhere that I felt another hand holding mine. “Yea?” was my response. “You ok?” he asked. I nodded but still remain silent although conceivably I was affected by what I had just read. “You know something Aaron? Loving you as my friend is one of the greatest fragments of my life's story. For one day, you will know that having a best bud is much better than a broken relationship.” I could just smile and nodded to acknowledge his statement. True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evil. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a deserted island. To find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune but to keep him is a fortune. Life will go on no matter what. It does not matter if ten people had entered your life heck it could even be hundreds or thousands of people that have come. All that matter is you need to have focus on those who stayed. These individuals are the ones whom you could turn to, a shoulder to cry on or even a punching bag if you ever needed one to vent out your frustrations. I always ask others which persons in their life means the most to us. Of course the norm would be our folks but one you would consider important. I would tell them; “It is not those who gave you solutions, advice or cures but those who has actually choose to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand” I could say that had some consolation to how I was feeling at that very moment. I quickly diverted the topic to make things less awkward and not to ruin the day. I went through with Martin his wedding vows and told him not to be so cliché. Thereafter, he was asking me for suggestions on where to go for his honeymoon. All was going smoothly when I realised Martin had a little too much to drink. Martin and alcohol does not seem to co-exist pretty well with each other. Gulping down his last lychee until the waitress had to inform him they had no more lychee when he blurted out; “check-in lets go…” I looked at him and tried to decipher if what I heard was true. No I did not have too much to drink, just seven glasses of gin on the rocks accompanied by a few shots of tequila and one bottle of wine that we both shared. “Say that again?” I asked him. By now his face was turning red. Compared to Byrant or Titus, Martin’s lobster face will only kick in after like two hours of excessive drinking. “Check… into… a… hotel… room… can?!” those were the exact words he said. I told Martin that he is probably drunk and I should send him back or call daphne to pick him up. It only hit me moments later that she was away in Sydney visiting her aunty and would not be back till end month. I persuaded Martin to let me drive him back to his crib so at least I know he is drunk at home and not wandering the streets. The last time he was travelling with MTV to do a gig in London, he got so drunk that he woke up three blocks away from his hotel. The worst part of having a high tolerance towards alcohol is seeing your pals making a fool of their own self when they are drunk or high. There was once at Outbar, it was a normal outing with the boys but we decided since one of them for the very first time brought a date, we celebrated for no particular reason actually. That fella had a little too much of shots that the usual “Lets lock myself in the cubicle with someone and make out when I am drunk” kicks-in. It happened at Marikos that incident that I had to reprimand him if there was many cubicles, I would not care less. He was so apologetic the next day and the whole week that I need to reassure him all is good. A little experienced would not kill, as long you do not get caught right? “Just check in anywhere can?” he threw his credit card to me. “Martin Martin, please do not drink over your limit and be all wussy. Fine, I will check you in somewhere but after that I am leaving aite? Take back your credit card I don’t need it. Just take it as old time sake man” with that he nodded and I settled the bill and left crossroads. I gave a ring to one of my close contact from PRH and ask him if there were any rooms left since it was a Friday and most hotels would be pretty occupied. Turns out there was one room left, an exec suite thus I just decided to go ahead with it. Jason my contact greeted me at the reception. “Where’s your entourage sir? Mr Titus is not with you today?” he asked. “Nahh, just gonna put an ex to bed and am heading off…” I said. Jason laughed at my response and enquires if the usual was needed. I inform him that I would come by the next morning to wake him up and if any extension is needed. Martin is not exactly easy to maneuvered around with when he is in an intoxicated state. The top of my head would only reach his ears if we were to stand beside each other. After propping him up on the bed, I took his house key and left him a text saying I will be back with fresh pair of clothing for him. With that I left him in the hotel room and made my way to his crib. It was a surprise to be greeted by his two maids, the same one after all these years. “Hello po Sir Aaron, Ang tagal po namin kayong hindi nakita. Bisita po ba kayo ngayon Sir?” Jinky one of the maid asked me. I was trying to decipher what they were saying but could only make out my name, hello and sir. I figured it must have been something along the lines of hello sir Aaron, are you here to visit Sir or something along that line. “Err hello Miss Jinky, but english please?” I laughed. Both of them were laughing at me while I was taking off my sneakers. “Alam mo kung saan ang kanyang silid, hindi ba?,” continued Jessica. I just nodded and smile while entering the house and took a mental note to find out from Martin what did they say. I was greeted with a familiar face; a face which brings back a distant memories not too far beyond. It was his folks and their siblings. His mom came over to me and did the usual greeting of kissing both my cheeks and giving me a big hug. “Aaron my dear boy, where have you been all these years? Patrick,” she shouted across the room to her husband. “Look at our dear boy, all grown up and getting rounder by the day” I laughed, “Hello aunty, hello uncle, how are the both of you doing?” I casually ask. After a brief moment of catching up, I excused myself. “Ohh Aaron, where is Martin?” “He is back at PRH, Martin is just… well had a little too much to drink. No worries, I put him up in a room. He did not want to head home and wished to spend the night out with me thus the reason I am here to get his clothing” I answered. “Martin is getting married you know that right Aaron?” Patrick interrupted although with a rather apprehensive tone. “PATRICK!” his wife gave him the death look as she said his name. I laughed and nodded with a smile and told the both of them, “ Uncle, Aunty. When we confuse the needs with the desires, all the struggles we have experienced will lead to failure and disenchantment. When in place of love you have sorrows. And in place of glory nonfulfillment of hopes you win, know that it is a natural catastrophe preparing you for illustrious circumstances. I am happy that my best friend, who happens to be my ex, is finally tying the knot. Don’t worry about me; I still have many more wonderful years in my life. One heartbreak did not deter me from going six and three at the moment so chill yea the both of you," as I walked up the stairs to Martin’s room. I heard a loud thank you as I climb the stairs. Thinking nothing of it and just smiling while I trace my steps to his room. The memories of eight years ago suddenly filled me in. How we use to make out and let our clothes off piece by piece from the staircase till we reached his room. I placed my hand to turn the doorknob and it was then a familiar surrounding greeted me. On his wall is a large poster of his band. Tracing my fingers on his study table, I picked up an old photo frame and smiled at the picture that greeted me. It was the picture of us in our number one during our NS days. I would not deny the fact this was actually one of my wanking materials when in time of needs haha. Now let us not lie to ourselves that we have never once taken a picture be it from the Internet or our own and got it off. Recalling a moment when we had a full dressed rehearsal at the old Kallang stadium; “Sweetheart…” Martin called out to me as we were walking down the stairs to the milo van parked by the road. “Yea?” He smiled and touched his crotch while looking at me with those lustful eyes. I rolled my eyes and wanted to smack his peak cap off his head when we were greeted by our FI. “Lovebirds going pak tor uhh? Quick one ok and don’t get caught, make sure don’t tio record by others,” as he laughed and climbed up the stairs. “Eh you, don’t touch your crotch and smile at me for no reason in public can? Your hormones will get us into trouble one day?” I laughed at Martin. He shook his head and keeps smiling. Then he whispered something into my ears. I laughed it off and told him sometimes it is nice to take my advice and do what I do best. I opened up his wardrobe and search for his clothing, something he could wear and probably a few more extras in case he decides to extend his stay. I had to open up another drawer to search for his boxers. Similar to me, Martin has a wide collection of men’s cologne. The last time I counted was 21 excluding those unopened ones. I sat by the edge of his bed and my train of thoughts was transported back to the good ole days. I shifted my focus to the recliner near his window and smile cheekily at that very first moment when we made out at his place. I laughed thinking back how he hated being tied to the chair and being blindfolded. Martin had this very unique smell sorta like those baby powder scent and I know instantly if he is nearby when the familiar scent lingers my sense of smell. I decided the longer I remained in his room, the worst emotionally I would become. Thus after getting what was needed, I left and said goodbye to his folks. The drive back to the hotel did not take that long, within fifteen minutes I was back to the hotel from his crib. I insert the room card and pushed the door open slowly as to avoid walking him up. Although a living area separated the bedroom, the main door is pretty heavy and it will make a loud thud if you did not hold it to close slowly. I looked at him sleeping peacefully on the bed in a fetal position. If things had gone my way, he would be with me and we would have celebrated our eighth year together. The again I tell myself things occurs for a reason and sometimes the reasons are one where we refuse to swallow and acknowledge. Although with Martin, it was for the better. Falling in love with a guy who aint sure of his sexuality is similar to threading on dangerous waters. I unpack his stuff and place it in the walking wardrobe facing the toilet. Then after, I prompt myself comfortably on the sofa in the living room and ordered room service. Perks of being a regular client to the hotel means you do not have to wait donkey years for food or room service to arrive. As I sat down and munched down the snacks I ordered while watching Battleship when halfway through it, the partition that separated the living room and bedroom slide open. There stood Martin, naked and looking groggy. “Where are we?” he asked in between rubbing his eyes trying to adjust to the lights in the living room. I threw a pillow towards Martin and laughed, “Your mansion my highness” He caught the pillow and was caressing it at the same time whining, “I miss daphne…” I could not help myself but rolled my eyes and tell him to just sleep. It took him a whole ten minutes before he realised he was not in his room. “Aaron…” he called out for me. I nodded and asked what he wanted. “Why am I naked?” I just smiled sheepishly and continued munching on the chips earlier I ordered. He dashed towards me and sat beside me on the sofa and the same time pulling my shoulders to face him; “What did you do to me? How dare you?” his facial expression was of an angry adult but I know he was joking and the moment I burst out laughing, he laughed along too. I shook my head and took a sip of water from the side table. “You dumb fuck, why would I do anything to you? Just cause you are drunk? Gosh Martin I do not have a fetish of fornicating a drunkard. Imagine this, while fucking suddenly you wake up and merlion on me? That would bring the word disgusting onto a whole new level mate. I took off your clothing and left only your boxers on. After placing the blanket over you to make sure you don’t catch a cold, I left for your crib to get some fresh clothes. How would I know what you did when I was gone? “I was asleep Aaron… you sure you did not do anything to me? Cause it would be nice to get my spark plug checked,” he laughed cheekily. “Didn’t tits says you can have number two as long he remains the big wife,” Martin laughed hysterically after saying that and went off to the bathroom to freshen up. Sometimes looking at him, he such an A-hole but at the same time this A-hole is someone close to heart. We did not do much that night, ordered a bottle of Moscato and we went down to the pool to gaze at the stars. Not as if there was any to begin with but the atmosphere that night was somehow different. The convo began from a habitual topic under the moon and somehow it drifted to matters of the heart. For once, I never liked discussing matters of the heart when drinking. It sorta elevates your emotional side to be heightening onto a different level. Like as though you are more vulnerable and your actions afterwards might be something you would regret or be disappointed with when you are sober. “Did dad said anything when you were home earlier?” he began. I have this habit of biting my lip before conversing in such topics that my partners have noticed it over the years. “Well he told me you are getting married and if I am aware of it…” “Anything else?” he muttered. I shook my head. “What about his tone of voice?” I kept quiet and did not wish to answer him fearing Martin might just tell his dad off. “His tone was ok, friendly as usual. The norm which is expected of Patrick,” was my reply. Martin shook his head, flip his phone around, placed his thumb and it unlocked. With a few actions of his finger, he showed me a text message. “Come on Aaron, don’t lie. Why you protecting that old guy? Not as if he had accepted you when you were my boyfriend back then, only mummy and granny was supportive and wished us well…” Ohh boy, I thought to myself. Sometimes when you try to paint a different scenario to avoid confrontation, this is what it leads to. “Hey Martin, look. I do not want any confrontation between you and dad. Remember the last time round what transpired? I fully understand that as your dad he might be concerned for your well being and maybe he just wanna make sure I am doing fine. Come on Martin, don’t turn something so minute into a big issue.” Martin got up and prop himself beside me. We were both resting on those sun-tanning chair you find at the pool. He looked at me and held my hand. “What?” I asked him and trying not to maintain eye contact. “Look at me,” he gestured. “NO!” I retaliated. He of all people knows I dislike talking to my partner in the eyes during matters of the heart. Reason being is that I will just tear instantaneously when I look at my partner’s eyes. Call me a sucker haha but am human it is inevitable I have this thing called emotions. Martin turned my head to face him and that instant when he smiles it melts my heart immediately. He told me to look at him and listen to what he has to say. “Aaron, I have said what I wanted to say in the letter I gave you earlier on. I just wish the best of lucks in your journey be it work or personnel and especially love. You have this problem where you always give it a 100% in everything you do but with love, put aside 20% for you to bounce back to reality. Look at what happened to your last one, travelled the world, live in posh places, and drive an expensive man toy but six years later look at where it ended. I know you would do anything and everything to make your partner smile and be happy even if it cost you to make sacrifices you wish you did not…” Being Aaron, I always have to find a point to argue on. As I gripped tight on his hand, I looked away; “But Martin, if you give 80% to a relationship, to love, what does the 20% stands for? You mentioned for us to bounce back to reality. Martin, one thing that I have learned over the years is to never expect anything. Expectations will lead to disappointments. Tears are the noble language of our eyes and when true love of words is destitute. The eyes by tears speak, while the tongue is mute. When you are in love martin, your chest ached, your body speaking a language your head could not quite comprehend. Yes in your perspective you might have a valid point where perhaps that 20% of yours will come in handy but you of all people know me. In any matter that I am engaged in, it has to be 100% and wholeheartedly. Why would I go into a relationship feeling half fucked or setting a certain level so that I could fall back. Maybe it might work with other individuals but certainly not with me. You have seen me rebound from you right? You have seen me got over Byrant right? So don’t you worry in regards to this Martin.” Martin leaned forward and planted a kiss on my forehead; “Thank you for always being around when I needed someone. Hey it doesn’t mean I am married I will forget all bout you. I still want you at my shows when I perform and I still need someone to seat beside me on the plane when daphne is busy working…” I placed both my hands around his waist and hugged him although the position is awkward, I felt very delighted for him. We went up to our room and spend the evening watching movies on bed. Eventually both of us dozed off and it was 830 a.m when my phone rang. It was Titus and he was asking if everything was fine with Martin. I assured him that everything was in place and I would pick him up later that evening to the airport. It was Titus’s term break and he wanted so much to travel Europe thus I had arranged to send him off to Europe for three weeks, expenses included nonetheless. Martin had one of his hands across my chest and one leg crossing mine. His gripped on me was quite tight that I had to wake him up so that I could wash up and head for breakfast downstairs. “Why are you up so early Aaron?” speaking with his eyes still close. “I wanna head downstairs for breakfast Martin, you wanna come? “Come?” he prop himself up. “Yes come, like do you want to accompany me for breakfast or shall I just let you sleep?” He smiled and pulled me onto the bed, “What?” I asked him. “Not cum uhhhh…” Martin smiling similar to a shy schoolgirl meeting her crush for the very first time. I slap his hand hard and give him stern look. “Aaaaarrrrooonnnnnnnnn, I am harrrrrddddd…” whining like the little bitch he is.

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