Being Old: Acceptance is all that's left

[Guest Guest Alone]

 

Quote

At this age, you are who you are. Your life has been lived, your career is over or in its last stage, you’re married or single, had children or not.
You’re not looking over the horizon for the next best thing. So there’s no jealousy or competition.

The struggle is over; you come to terms with who you are because there’s no alternative. Acceptance is all that’s left.”

Unquote

 

https://www.todayonline.com/world/finding-female-friends-over-50-can-be-hard-these-women-figured-it-out

 

This resonated so much with me as I am also in my last chapter of life. In this phase, one tends to look back on the life that had been lived. Whatever might/could/should have been will never be. What did or did not, one just have to accept it. Sometimes I feel quite sad when I think of the past. Anyone else?

[Guest Maverick]

I am 33 this year and yet i think abt life and death all the time. Seeing my granddad deteriorates and eventually passes on has left an indelible mark on me. It is so true that death changes everything. His death has made me grow up overnight and realised that Life indeed is so short and fragile. Just when we are about to come to terms with it and be gracious and forgiving, it is alredy near the end of it. 

 

What I learnt is that no matter how hard we try to keep them, our loved ones will leave us. It has been like this since time immemorial. I have also learnt to take a day at a time, be forgiving, live and let live, enjoy and cherish every moment and live everyday like its the last.

[Guest Old age]

Do we realise that when people gets old, they prefer friends of the same gender, same as during childhood days. It is only during the hormone driven ages that people of the opposite sex is seen as desirable.

 

So for the gay communities here, there is hope when you age. You already have a community of ready friends.

[Guest Hmm?]

When you have gone through life difficult moments, most of the times, facing challenges, the Ups and Downs, the fear and anxiety, the acceptance and rejections, the  hope and helplessness,  the angst and frustration, nightmares and dreams, the obstacles of humanity, the dread of stressful living...etc.  You will eventually come to term that being alone is not a bad idea  in the quiet stage of finality, the last chapter of the journey,  and it is only through looking back that you see the joy of having lived through those terrible moments and have now put them to rest in the last stage of life.  Recall those days, write a book about it.  If you have nothing to write about your story, than you have indeed wasted your life with no story.  People with no story are often those who have no stress in life.  I pity you because you are the one who will feel the most lonliest as compared to your peers.  At least I felt I have lived.  Have you?

[Guest game over? LOL]

The age set at 50 in the article is much too early. I m horny, wanted, meet guys who are just 20s, sexually more active than when I was 18 - 22y.

Sure if you crawl back into your snail shell and only look back and think negative, ok maybe life is over. But if you're a happy person you will find satisfaction (life , sex, bf etc). Plus you learnt yo focus on what satisfies you.

 

Please don't let others tell you , life is at end with 50s.

If yes, better take a bullet!

 

I myself prefer to be happy and take what life offers to me with full enjoyment....

 

[fab]

As of 2017, The average life expectancy in Singapore was 83.1 years. 

 

50 is slightly over half only.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, Guest Maverick said:

I am 33 this year and yet i think abt life and death all the time. Seeing my granddad deteriorates and eventually passes on has left an indelible mark on me. It is so true that death changes everything. His death has made me grow up overnight and realised that Life indeed is so short and fragile. Just when we are about to come to terms with it and be gracious and forgiving, it is alredy near the end of it. 

 

What I learnt is that no matter how hard we try to keep them, our loved ones will leave us. It has been like this since time immemorial. I have also learnt to take a day at a time, be forgiving, live and let live, enjoy and cherish every moment and live everyday like its the last.

 

You have good objectives.  I am in a somewhat similar situation.  I am in my 70s, and until recently I seldom thought about life and death.  I am perfectly fine being an agnostic.

But five months ago my partner of 21 years died, and this changed my life radically.  I am being hit hard by grieving, and my view of life has become more somber.  I had other deaths around me but they never affected me so much.  I see absolutely no justification for our grieving, something that is very painful.  One accepts that life is limited and that we and people we know can die at any time.  But why should our love for these people continue so strong and demanding, instead of coming to rest like the deceased comes to rest?  I have no answers here.  

 

But I have a new understanding of what we are.  The forces of life dictate that we creatures only last for a certain time and have to be replaced through reproduction. Living creatures also have to be able to stay alive as much as they biologically can.  This means that creatures need to have some control, intelligence to survive.  This control is only necessary while the creature is alive.  It seems that evolution makes living creatures increasingly complex, and so increases the complexity of their control centers.  In us humans, the control center is our "soul".  Our soul is competent but ignorant at birth, we learn basic functions as babies, children.  At some point we take conscience of our existence and get some ideas of immortality.  How much truth is in this idea we don't know. But everything stays in harmony with the universe if our soul only last for as long as our body lasts.  Previous lives, afterlife are nothing but nice speculations at this time.  As I believe that my beloved friend is now asleep for all eternity, the same will happen to me and all of us.  We were unknown before birth, and we will be forgotten after death. 

 

This can explain why we grieve.  There is nothing in nature that predisposes our control centers (souls) to feel good or bad.  It is what it is!  Like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, these fleeting perceptions only exist in our brains while we live.  The way out of this,  I think, is to not dwell on existential theories but live a continuous present and planned future with a positive attitude,  maybe leaving open the possibility of an unknown afterlife.  This is part of the comfort I find in agnosticism.  

[Garyl]

4 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You have good objectives.  I am in a somewhat similar situation.  I am in my 70s, and until recently I seldom thought about life and death.  I am perfectly fine being an agnostic.

But five months ago my partner of 21 years died, and this changed my life radically.  I am being hit hard by grieving, and my view of life has become more somber.  I had other deaths around me but they never affected me so much.  I see absolutely no justification for our grieving, something that is very painful.  One accepts that life is limited and that we and people we know can die at any time.  But why should our love for these people continue so strong and demanding, instead of coming to rest like the deceased comes to rest?  I have no answers here.  

 

But I have a new understanding of what we are.  The forces of life dictate that we creatures only last for a certain time and have to be replaced through reproduction. Living creatures also have to be able to stay alive as much as they biologically can.  This means that creatures need to have some control, intelligence to survive.  This control is only necessary while the creature is alive.  It seems that evolution makes living creatures increasingly complex, and so increases the complexity of their control centers.  In us humans, the control center is our "soul".  Our soul is competent but ignorant at birth, we learn basic functions as babies, children.  At some point we take conscience of our existence and get some ideas of immortality.  How much truth is in this idea we don't know. But everything stays in harmony with the universe if our soul only last for as long as our body lasts.  Previous lives, afterlife are nothing but nice speculations at this time.  As I believe that my beloved friend is now asleep for all eternity, the same will happen to me and all of us.  We were unknown before birth, and we will be forgotten after death. 

 

This can explain why we grieve.  There is nothing in nature that predisposes our control centers (souls) to feel good or bad.  It is what it is!  Like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, these fleeting perceptions only exist in our brains while we live.  The way out of this,  I think, is to not dwell on existential theories but live a continuous present and planned future with a positive attitude,  maybe leaving open the possibility of an unknown afterlife.  This is part of the comfort I find in agnosticism.  

Yes..its sad when your partner dies..hope you can find the strength to do what you wanted but cant when he is alive..

For me, i always think that i have to live even a fuller life in replacement of the close one who had died.

[Garyl]

13 hours ago, Guest Guest Alone said:

 

Quote

At this age, you are who you are. Your life has been lived, your career is over or in its last stage, you’re married or single, had children or not.
You’re not looking over the horizon for the next best thing. So there’s no jealousy or competition.

The struggle is over; you come to terms with who you are because there’s no alternative. Acceptance is all that’s left.”

Unquote

 

https://www.todayonline.com/world/finding-female-friends-over-50-can-be-hard-these-women-figured-it-out

 

This resonated so much with me as I am also in my last chapter of life. In this phase, one tends to look back on the life that had been lived. Whatever might/could/should have been will never be. What did or did not, one just have to accept it. Sometimes I feel quite sad when I think of the past. Anyone else?

Whats past is past. You must look forward.

I encourage you to listen to motivational..uplifting items on youtube.

Dont waste time you still have..have a purpose... there must be some unfulfilled yet...

[Guest game over? LOL]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You have good objectives.  I am in a somewhat similar situation.  I am in my 70s, and until recently I seldom thought about life and death.  I am perfectly fine being an agnostic.

But five months ago my partner of 21 years died, and this changed my life radically.  I am being hit hard by grieving, and my view of life has become more somber.  I had other deaths around me but they never affected me so much.  I see absolutely no justification for our grieving, something that is very painful.  One accepts that life is limited and that we and people we know can die at any time.  But why should our love for these people continue so strong and demanding, instead of coming to rest like the deceased comes to rest?  I have no answers here.  

 

But I have a new understanding of what we are.  The forces of life dictate that we creatures only last for a certain time and have to be replaced through reproduction. Living creatures also have to be able to stay alive as much as they biologically can.  This means that creatures need to have some control, intelligence to survive.  This control is only necessary while the creature is alive.  It seems that evolution makes living creatures increasingly complex, and so increases the complexity of their control centers.  In us humans, the control center is our "soul".  Our soul is competent but ignorant at birth, we learn basic functions as babies, children.  At some point we take conscience of our existence and get some ideas of immortality.  How much truth is in this idea we don't know. But everything stays in harmony with the universe if our soul only last for as long as our body lasts.  Previous lives, afterlife are nothing but nice speculations at this time.  As I believe that my beloved friend is now asleep for all eternity, the same will happen to me and all of us.  We were unknown before birth, and we will be forgotten after death. 

 

This can explain why we grieve.  There is nothing in nature that predisposes our control centers (souls) to feel good or bad.  It is what it is!  Like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, these fleeting perceptions only exist in our brains while we live.  The way out of this,  I think, is to not dwell on existential theories but live a continuous present and planned future with a positive attitude,  maybe leaving open the possibility of an unknown afterlife.  This is part of the comfort I find in agnosticism.  

 

You might be in a special situation where many couples (gay or straight) end up.

We can't control such things and they just happen.

 

Hopefully, there is a bunch of good friend around who can support you and get you distracted.

 

I admire those younger guys (this might not be your personal case) who have a much older partner and it is obvious that one of them will end up being in a middle age, when the partner leaves him. Other people condemn them if they were lucky after some time to find a new partner.

 

at all times it is important to have friends you can talk to and friends who are real friend and there when you need them most.

I see many young guys just doing their fun through apps but not growing friendships and being in fact very lonely in their life.

 

I just tried to open up eyes with my earlier post that getting into a negative mood by such articles as posted here, is the wrong way.

Happiness can only come from the inner self.

(The same might apply for not being lonely)...

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, fab said:

As of 2017, The average life expectancy in Singapore was 83.1 years. 

 

50 is slightly over half only.

 

83.1 is today's life expectancy AT BIRTH.  That is, how long a person born in 2017 can expect to live.

For someone 50 years old, the life expectancy in 1968 was about 68 years.

Of course life conditions have improved since 1968, so his expectancy is somewhere between 68 and 83 years.

[Steve5380]

3 minutes ago, Guest game over? LOL said:

 

Happiness can only come from the inner self.

(The same might apply for not being lonely)...

 

I agree with you.  Grieving has not ended my happiness and optimism.  We can aim at making us happy no matter what.

[lonelyglobe]

9 hours ago, fab said:

As of 2017, The average life expectancy in Singapore was 83.1 years. 

 

50 is slightly over half only.

Yap, if every 20 year is one season, then 50 is in autumn, one of the best season beside spring.

[Boydsg]

1 hour ago, Steve5380 said:

 

83.1 is today's life expectancy AT BIRTH.  That is, how long a person born in 2017 can expect to live.

For someone 50 years old, the life expectancy in 1968 was about 68 years.

Of course life conditions have improved since 1968, so his expectancy is somewhere between 68 and 83 years.

This is a bloody good point!! 

[Simonsg]

Obviously someone failed stats module

[auscent]

I used to volunteer at this hospice in Thailand.

 

Mortality rate there was so high coffins get stacked at corridors. Patients so poor they hid money in pillows and diapers they wear. My job is to clean, feed them. I tried to feed as many as I can before I end my duty at the end of the day. Lol I din want them to die as hungry ghosts.

 

If I had only 1 yr left to live (and Ive settled my parents down), Ill serve others. Our energy shouldnt be wasted.

[riverrobles]

For us who are still working, we should really be aware on what our impact will be when we grow old. We should think about how much expenses we should be expecting when we are in our 70's, 80's or even probably 100's. Money or what is left of it after we retire needs to be partly preserved and partly  invested at least in money market funds , which has rates better than banks and still considered liquid.

 

We should prepare and plan for the worst , the expectation is that we will be alone and reach 100. In my opinion, I do not want to fully rely on relatives or friends in order for us to live our sunset years. We should have our finances figured out in our 30's, I would have a will and my estate , assets listed down in my 40's and reviewing it every year or every 6 months, we need to plan if are we going to retire in Singapore or are we going to leave and transfer to another country that would maximize the power of our savings or retirement funds, will you invest for a caregiver , will you sell your bungalow and settle for small condo, are you comfortable to live outside of the city, in a rural area just to maximize the savings you have, how much money do we need to spend each month, etc.

 

I don't agree that acceptance is all that's left when we grow old. As long as I still am living, I will not just settle and be complacent. However I can say that as long as we prepare as early as now.

 

I do admire the spunk of @Steve5380 who is in his 70's and the other contributors like @auscent who is selfless, these examples including mine tells us that we can not just accept and be complacent just because you think of yourself as old , no more chance, no more hope. I will always choose an active life and not just waiting until we die.

[Guest zhangsanfeng]

When it's time to shine, be the brightest! - Deshun Wang

王德順 人生八十 「該炫自己的時候，千萬不要手軟」

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=109&v=HX4saxIfPYw

[Alponsu]

Life is really short. We live as toddlers for about 6 years, then continue life as students for 10 odd years, work another 30-40 plus years, before dying.

[lonelyglobe]

On Sunday, January 06, 2019 at 8:29 PM, Guest Hmm? said:

When you have gone through life difficult moments, most of the times, facing challenges, the Ups and Downs, the fear and anxiety, the acceptance and rejections, the  hope and helplessness,  the angst and frustration, nightmares and dreams, the obstacles of humanity, the dread of stressful living...etc.  You will eventually come to term that being alone is not a bad idea  in the quiet stage of finality, the last chapter of the journey,  and it is only through looking back that you see the joy of having lived through those terrible moments and have now put them to rest in the last stage of life.  Recall those days, write a book about it.  If you have nothing to write about your story, than you have indeed wasted your life with no story.  People with no story are often those who have no stress in life.  I pity you because you are the one who will feel the most lonliest as compared to your peers.  At least I felt I have lived.  Have you?

As the chinese says: " ping ping dan dan ye shi yi zhong xing fu"

[tomcat]

memento mori - "remember that you (will) die"

growing up, mortality is always present around me - losing great-grandparents, relatives, sec sch friends. it hit me very early the finality of death. especially my sec 2 friend who i saw leaving for end of year holidays, and never came back. it's not so much that he was somewhere else living his life, he just did not exist anymore. no more mornings, no more nights, no more playing in the sun. all that was over.

so i suppose that was one of many pushes for me to find answers about purpose, not just my own but for all of humanity. what is our purpose of being here? just to be born, eat, shit, sleep and then die? surely there is more, and indeed there is, i've found and accessed via spiritual studies and awakenings.

today, the saddest thing that i can think of are old folks (50s and above) that are still trapped wihin their problems. i have seen elderly who have come to full terms with their mortality, they are radiant, light and almost carefree, despite their physical deterioration. in their eyes, they have a gentle vibramcy, and everyday that they wake still with life, is another day to breathe and live. even, or maybe because, it is on borrowed time, they are fully in the present, whether it is eating a biscuit, getting their hair combed, or simply looking out the window.

they are effectively saying goodbye to this life, the spirit within is enjoying the last days of being human. memento mori.

unfortunately, there are others who are enraged and still steeped in frustration, hatred and darkness even in their old age. their lot in life has little to do with it, even though many will disagree. as OP said, it is about acceptance of how things are, past injustices, hurt, trauma. even sadder, is when the person has lost faculty of his mind, but the emotions still remain. he is no longer able to reason or bring himself back to acceptance or logical thinking, and trapped indefinitely within the emotional baggage he has been carrying for decades.

when i am faced with someone like this, i have no doubt, that i am seeing a person in his own private hell. even then, i can will full presence and awareness, approach them and comfort them, with gentle strokes and touches - alot of it is spiritual grounding, using myself as a conduit to channel their pain and introduce calm, but sometimes it is just the physical touch of love that they have been craving all their lives, but were too proud to seek or ask for.

memento mori - "remember that we (will) die". - so what you do, this day, this moment as a live human being is important. best place to start is to ponder to yourself:

"I have been given a gift. how do i honour and show gratefulness for this gift?"

 

[Guest 浪一夏]

On 1/6/2019 at 7:14 PM, lonelyglobe said:

Yap, if every 20 year is one season, then 50 is in autumn, one of the best season beside spring.

 

summer is nice too.

[LeanMature]

On 1/7/2019 at 11:14 AM, lonelyglobe said:

Yap, if every 20 year is one season, then 50 is in autumn, one of the best season beside spring.

 

Our leaves start to drop in autumn.  A season to mellow down and start preparing for winter. 

[cloxk]

Thank you everyone who have commented and shared their views and stories here. The things shared here are truly insightful and makes me think hard about life. 

 

I myself have been bridled by loss in the not-so-distant pass. i loss 2 of my very close friends last year, one due to cancer and another due to meningitis. Both were a tad younger than me. 

 

I lost my grandma one year after another a few years ago, and one of them had been living with me since I was a baby, and had been super close to me. 

 

I always got a bit mad inside when i hear people complaining about having to visit their grandparents. I feel a tinge of jealousy. How lucky they are to still have them to visit. But then again, maybe they are not as close with them the way i was close with one of my late grandma. 

 

And my mum, who have always been healthy and vibrant, was suddenly hit by a severe stroke few years ago, and recently she was hospitalised again for another hard-hitting symptoms. And my dad, whom, like my mum, have always been health-conscious and unburdened with any kinds of diseases be it hypertension, diabetes and those other medical conditions that normally hit people in their 50s, was suddenly diagnosed with a stage 2 cancer. Luckily, a year later, as of now, the cancer has not progressed. I am lucky the diet I designed for him works (I, for a selfish reason, wanna make myself believe that I play a part in the absence of progression of the cancer). He is yet to have to undergo chemotherapy or radiotherapy. 

 

All these things have made me realise evermore of the fragility of life, and the splendor of good health, that it is not a right, but it is an ultimate privilege. and one that comes with a great responsibility at that. The responsibility to express our gratitude by not doing anything detrimental to our body, to do good to society, most importantly our personal stakeholders such as our parents, good friends and employer. 

 

I wanna be able to look back when I am 40 that I have done good to the world, and I have made all my personal stakeholders happy and appreciated. I might not be the best of men, but at least, my parents, aunts and friends are happy with me and my employer and colleagues know i have done my best in their standard. 

On 1/7/2019 at 3:59 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

You have good objectives.  I am in a somewhat similar situation.  I am in my 70s, and until recently I seldom thought about life and death.  I am perfectly fine being an agnostic.

But five months ago my partner of 21 years died, and this changed my life radically.  I am being hit hard by grieving, and my view of life has become more somber.  I had other deaths around me but they never affected me so much.  I see absolutely no justification for our grieving, something that is very painful.  One accepts that life is limited and that we and people we know can die at any time.  But why should our love for these people continue so strong and demanding, instead of coming to rest like the deceased comes to rest?  I have no answers here.  

 

But I have a new understanding of what we are.  The forces of life dictate that we creatures only last for a certain time and have to be replaced through reproduction. Living creatures also have to be able to stay alive as much as they biologically can.  This means that creatures need to have some control, intelligence to survive.  This control is only necessary while the creature is alive.  It seems that evolution makes living creatures increasingly complex, and so increases the complexity of their control centers.  In us humans, the control center is our "soul".  Our soul is competent but ignorant at birth, we learn basic functions as babies, children.  At some point we take conscience of our existence and get some ideas of immortality.  How much truth is in this idea we don't know. But everything stays in harmony with the universe if our soul only last for as long as our body lasts.  Previous lives, afterlife are nothing but nice speculations at this time.  As I believe that my beloved friend is now asleep for all eternity, the same will happen to me and all of us.  We were unknown before birth, and we will be forgotten after death. 

 

This can explain why we grieve.  There is nothing in nature that predisposes our control centers (souls) to feel good or bad.  It is what it is!  Like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, these fleeting perceptions only exist in our brains while we live.  The way out of this,  I think, is to not dwell on existential theories but live a continuous present and planned future with a positive attitude,  maybe leaving open the possibility of an unknown afterlife.  This is part of the comfort I find in agnosticism.  

 

7 hours ago, tomcat said:

memento mori - "remember that you (will) die"

growing up, mortality is always present around me - losing great-grandparents, relatives, sec sch friends. it hit me very early the finality of death. especially my sec 2 friend who i saw leaving for end of year holidays, and never came back. it's not so much that he was somewhere else living his life, he just did not exist anymore. no more mornings, no more nights, no more playing in the sun. all that was over.

so i suppose that was one of many pushes for me to find answers about purpose, not just my own but for all of humanity. what is our purpose of being here? just to be born, eat, shit, sleep and then die? surely there is more, and indeed there is, i've found and accessed via spiritual studies and awakenings.

today, the saddest thing that i can think of are old folks (50s and above) that are still trapped wihin their problems. i have seen elderly who have come to full terms with their mortality, they are radiant, light and almost carefree, despite their physical deterioration. in their eyes, they have a gentle vibramcy, and everyday that they wake still with life, is another day to breathe and live. even, or maybe because, it is on borrowed time, they are fully in the present, whether it is eating a biscuit, getting their hair combed, or simply looking out the window.

they are effectively saying goodbye to this life, the spirit within is enjoying the last days of being human. memento mori.

unfortunately, there are others who are enraged and still steeped in frustration, hatred and darkness even in their old age. their lot in life has little to do with it, even though many will disagree. as OP said, it is about acceptance of how things are, past injustices, hurt, trauma. even sadder, is when the person has lost faculty of his mind, but the emotions still remain. he is no longer able to reason or bring himself back to acceptance or logical thinking, and trapped indefinitely within the emotional baggage he has been carrying for decades.

when i am faced with someone like this, i have no doubt, that i am seeing a person in his own private hell. even then, i can will full presence and awareness, approach them and comfort them, with gentle strokes and touches - alot of it is spiritual grounding, using myself as a conduit to channel their pain and introduce calm, but sometimes it is just the physical touch of love that they have been craving all their lives, but were too proud to seek or ask for.

memento mori - "remember that we (will) die". - so what you do, this day, this moment as a live human being is important. best place to start is to ponder to yourself:

"I have been given a gift. how do i honour and show gratefulness for this gift?"

 

Both of these stories have touched my little fragile heart fondly. I am a guy, but I am not too embarassed to admit that my heart is easily touched and I am emotionally dainty sometimes. 

[mate69]

41 minutes ago, cloxk said:

Thank you everyone who have commented and shared their views and stories here. The things shared here are truly insightful and makes me think hard about life. 

 

I myself have been bridled by loss in the not-so-distant pass. i loss 2 of my very close friends last year, one due to cancer and another due to meningitis. Both were a tad younger than me. 

 

I lost my grandma one year after another a few years ago, and one of them had been living with me since I was a baby, and had been super close to me. 

 

I always got a bit mad inside when i hear people complaining about having to visit their grandparents. I feel a tinge of jealousy. How lucky they are to still have them to visit. But then again, maybe they are not as close with them the way i was close with one of my late grandma. 

 

And my mum, who have always been healthy and vibrant, was suddenly hit by a severe stroke few years ago, and recently she was hospitalised again for another hard-hitting symptoms. And my dad, whom, like my mum, have always been health-conscious and unburdened with any kinds of diseases be it hypertension, diabetes and those other medical conditions that normally hit people in their 50s, was suddenly diagnosed with a stage 2 cancer. Luckily, a year later, as of now, the cancer has not progressed. I am lucky the diet I designed for him works (I, for a selfish reason, wanna make myself believe that I play a part in the absence of progression of the cancer). He is yet to have to undergo chemotherapy or radiotherapy. 

 

All these things have made me realise evermore of the fragility of life, and the splendor of good health, that it is not a right, but it is an ultimate privilege. and one that comes with a great responsibility at that. The responsibility to express our gratitude by not doing anything detrimental to our body, to do good to society, most importantly our personal stakeholders such as our parents, good friends and employer. 

 

I wanna be able to look back when I am 40 that I have done good to the world, and I have made all my personal stakeholders happy and appreciated. I might not be the best of men, but at least, my parents, aunts and friends are happy with me and my employer and colleagues know i have done my best in their standard. 

 

Both of these stories have touched my little fragile heart fondly. I am a guy, but I am not too embarassed to admit that my heart is easily touched and I am emotionally dainty sometimes. 

 

how old are you now?

[cloxk]

Just now, mate69 said:

 

how old are you now?

26

[mate69]

16 minutes ago, cloxk said:

26

very young.

hopefully you won't get jaded when all of life's realities start to pile on you, as they will, as u get older.

good luck

 

[cloxk]

26 minutes ago, mate69 said:

very young.

hopefully you won't get jaded when all of life's realities start to pile on you, as they will, as u get older.

good luck

 

thanks for the kind wish and advice

 

at this point in life, i have settled to the fact that as much as reality is a destiny, it is also a product of our choice. 

 

growing up, i had to undergo a few grueling medical procedures that, for some of them, i wasn't given the luxury of time to come into grasp with. 

 

i could choose those as a precursor to make me feel jaded. I could also let the passing of my grandma and good friends turn me numb and perhaps, bitter. 

 

but i am glad i am blessed with people around me to become my social support, and this has given me the mental strength to not let life's tribulation turn me jaded and cold. 

Edited April 2, 2019 by cloxk

[cloxk]

3

Edited April 2, 2019 by cloxk

[Guest Hobbit]

3 hours ago, cloxk said:

I wanna be able to look back when I am 40 that I have done good to the world, and I have made all my personal stakeholders happy and appreciated. I might not be the best of men, but at least, my parents, aunts and friends are happy with me and my employer and colleagues know i have done my best in their standard. 

 

Both of these stories have touched my little fragile heart fondly. I am a guy, but I am not too embarassed to admit that my heart is easily touched and I am emotionally dainty sometimes. 

I have already looked back and still have that warm feeling and started writing a book, chapter by chapter. I am also very dainty too, like walking on cloud as I finished one page after another.  Brewed myself a warm coco milk and lifted up my parker pen daintily to continue wriiting thru the night.  It was like the 4 hobbits final journey back home after an adventures and that moment (my moment) sat at the table with a pint of beer and suddenly feeling empty and speechless with achievement, and everyone knew in distant places but within it was peaceful. A conscious conscience responsibility cleared, no guilt, no judgement and God seems looking beyond our shoulder. 

[cloxk]

22 minutes ago, Guest Hobbit said:

I have already looked back and still have that warm feeling and started writing a book, chapter by chapter. I am also very dainty too, like walking on cloud as I finished one page after another.  Brewed myself a warm coco milk and lifted up my parker pen daintily to continue wriiting thru the night.  It was like the 4 hobbits final journey back home after an adventures and that moment (my moment) sat at the table with a pint of beer and suddenly feeling empty and speechless with achievement, and everyone knew in distant places but within it was peaceful. A conscious conscience responsibility cleared, no guilt, no judgement and God seems looking beyond our shoulder. 

ah...I can imagine myself like you as well, 20 years later, writing (I prefer a fountain pen - it gives me that sense of romanticism and mellowness), with a cup of green tea with orchid petals on top

 

i think everyone, including you and me, have our own daintiness inside of us. we all have our soft spots, and we all have our own way of showing it. Like yourself, it is let out in your writing

 

thank you for sharing your journey...I hope the future holds prosperity and contentment for u

[Guest Guest]

On ‎1‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 10:41 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

I agree with you.  Grieving has not ended my happiness and optimism.  We can aim at making us happy no matter what.

 

I guess you get extremely happy when you incite and/or get into the various FLAME WARS here on BW, looking at how you want to get in the last word all the time, and even needed the Moderator to force you into a two week vacation before you know how to shuddup ?

[Guest Fortyish]

It’s important to be less self-centered because that’s actually a survival quality for old age. When senior citizens get involved in community work, they derive a sense of self worth that is not largely dependent on being young. They also have something that makes them feel energetic, the sense that they are still making a difference.

 

It’s inevitable to lose looks and sexual ability with age, so why fight a losing battle trying to hang on to those. Wealth does not buy health and happiness either.

 

I try to do some volunteer work now, even when gainfully employed full time. On each occasion, on my way there, I’d be griping about why I committed to do it with my busy schedule. But after the volunteer work, I oddly feel energised and satisfied.

[Steve5380]

On 4/1/2019 at 10:32 PM, tomcat said:

memento mori - "remember that you (will) die"

growing up, mortality is always present around me - losing great-grandparents, relatives, sec sch friends. it hit me very early the finality of death. especially my sec 2 friend who i saw leaving for end of year holidays, and never came back. it's not so much that he was somewhere else living his life, he just did not exist anymore. no more mornings, no more nights, no more playing in the sun. all that was over.

so i suppose that was one of many pushes for me to find answers about purpose, not just my own but for all of humanity. what is our purpose of being here? just to be born, eat, shit, sleep and then die? surely there is more, and indeed there is, i've found and accessed via spiritual studies and awakenings.

today, the saddest thing that i can think of are old folks (50s and above) that are still trapped wihin their problems. i have seen elderly who have come to full terms with their mortality, they are radiant, light and almost carefree, despite their physical deterioration. in their eyes, they have a gentle vibramcy, and everyday that they wake still with life, is another day to breathe and live. even, or maybe because, it is on borrowed time, they are fully in the present, whether it is eating a biscuit, getting their hair combed, or simply looking out the window.

they are effectively saying goodbye to this life, the spirit within is enjoying the last days of being human. memento mori.
----
memento mori - "remember that we (will) die". - so what you do, this day, this moment as a live human being is important. best place to start is to ponder to yourself:

"I have been given a gift. how do i honour and show gratefulness for this gift?"

 

 

"memento mori"  I never heard of it before.  But it is EXACTLY my experience after my bf passed away.  I don't find consolation in a belief that he is in a better place, thinking about me, but I suspect that he IS no more.  No thoughts, no emotions, our life together erased from his side.  And one day it will be erased from my side.

 

As painful as this idea is, it can be a universal equalizer.  It may need the painful experience of grieving or having grieved, but it can give tremendous power.  We are not inferior to anyone nor superior either.  When we face a person who can be intimidating, instead of feeling inferior or confrontational we realize that the person is also a poor creature like us condemned to disappear in short time and go back to non existence. 

 

This idea can help us to overcome shyness, feelings of inferiority, hangups, troubles.  We just need to recall the idea for a second to use its power, and then we can return to our goal to feel happy and content. 

 

[tomcat]

9 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

"memento mori"  I never heard of it before.  But it is EXACTLY my experience after my bf passed away.  I don't find consolation in a belief that he is in a better place, thinking about me, but I suspect that he IS no more.  No thoughts, no emotions, our life together erased from his side.  And one day it will be erased from my side.

Steve, Life has brought you through this experience, to learn one if not many amazing lessons. one of which is that of Impermanence, which you have worded so succinctly.

it is actually one of the core teachings of Buddhism, which hints at reality, non reality and perceived reality. we assume we are real because we are physically here, but across time and space, we can be so easily erased, it is like we never even existed. indeed over time, we actually reach that equivalent. so how real are we really? it is an existential thought that can shake the core belief of many people, but yet through experience, Life has primed and guided us and brought us to ponder this very question without the perceived threat of self-destruction. and so, it alludes to the wisdom that nothing is real except the Present moment. it is a clue and doorway to access many other wisdoms.

the next parts you describe is the first inkling of compassionate awakening, wherein one is able to push past separation/division, and see himself in others. going beyond Buddhist dogma, into the theosophical/meta-physical realm, you are the Universe seeing and feeling for itself, because another "universal" equaliser is that anyone and anything alive, is imbued with Life essence (of which the Universe is).

when you are able to tap into a "big picture" view of things, the Universe will then unfold and reveal more of its wonders and secrets. it is regrettable however that this awakening is often pre-empted by chaos, sadness, pain. while difficult to go through, in the "big picture" it is actually the alarm bell going off, to signal us to awake and rejoin.

 

often,  this is also where  we will reach our threshold of belief, falsely guarded by cynicism and skepticism. despite what we are seeing and what is being shown to us, the two form the last bastions, separating us for accessing what is fundamentally a spiritual rebirth. (nirvana, enlightenment etc). upon doing so, we will confront ourselves, dismantle our internal structures and take a chance on Trust. and then step off into the proverbial leap of faith.

it is so nice to have you sharing this, because often these internal flowering happen so quietly that they are never verbalised or explored. often they are ignored or forgotten. and so, another alarm bell gone off, but without the needful awakening. there is the saying about "for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee". our struggles and pain are all signals for us to wake, so for those who are particularly resistant, their life will be filled with many bells, going off one after another. 

because they are unable or unwilling to wake, they are trapped in their own nightmare, cyclical suffering, torture and the like. it is the same of what I mentioned prior about the elderly who are still angry or unresolved at their dying days. it is a kind of customised personal hell. 

i congratulate you on your first step into a new view of our shared reality. as mentioned, it is nice to have you sharing it and for me to share what i know and have experienced. this is one of those instances, where true human connections can be made across platforms and distance. for the untrained, it is just a miraculous coincidence, but for those who have been humbled by the ways of the Universe, it is just one of the things it is able to do, when one individual is used as portal for it to come through to reach another. 

[Guest Try and see]

On 4/2/2019 at 10:51 PM, Guest Hobbit said:

I have already looked back and still have that warm feeling and started writing a book, chapter by chapter. I am also very dainty too, like walking on cloud as I finished one page after another.  Brewed myself a warm coco milk and lifted up my parker pen daintily to continue wriiting thru the night.  It was like the 4 hobbits final journey back home after an adventures and that moment (my moment) sat at the table with a pint of beer and suddenly feeling empty and speechless with achievement, and everyone knew in distant places but within it was peaceful. A conscious conscience responsibility cleared, no guilt, no judgement and God seems looking beyond our shoulder. 

 

[Guest Gary]

Sadly but true.