Why is it so difficult to find a relationship? While others finds a boyfriend easily (compiled)

[Guest guest perplexed]

I'm just wondering, why is it so difficult to find a relationship? I've tried apps too but things don't seem to work out. I'm in my late 20s but I'm still evergreen... haha is that normal?

[Guest Guest]

Can you not start such depressig topic on Christmas eve?

 

First and foremost, evergreen is not used to describe people in their late 20s. Evergreens are used to describe oldies. People in their late 20s are definitely just "young". Secondly, the gay community is a very superficial community - "No money? No body? No honey, baby!" So do you have money? Do you have body? If not, hmmm... go pray pray for good luck a bit. And last but not least, people of your age are usually the picky ones. So the very reason why you are not in a relationship might be becasue you are the one who is going around telling people "No money? No body? No honey, baby!"

 

Am I right?

 

 

[Think Of Others]

Go out now to have a drink and make friends at cafe, pubs, bars etc. Start with chats first and pray that Santa will be kind to you. Don't expect relationship to develop overnight.

 

And be generous and kind to others as well. Don't be too stingy.

 

Best of luck

[Steve5380]

  On 12/24/2019 at 9:47 AM, Guest guest perplexed said:

I'm just wondering, why is it so difficult to find a relationship? I've tried apps too but things don't seem to work out. I'm in my late 20s but I'm still evergreen... haha is that normal?

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Normal?  Is there a definition for this word?   Every life is different.

 

My very first relationship I had in my mid 30s when I got married.   My first gay relationship I had at 50,  and it was perfectly timely.

So I don't think that you are coming late.  Instead, for many of us the later, the better.  Should we feel envy for those young people who have their lovely relationship?  Not at all.  Only they know what their relationship is,  and they will know only in the future how successful it is/was.

 

In your late 20s and 30s you have the right to be the center of your universe.  That is, you can dedicate all your interests in improving your persona. Improving, because it is positive at this age to not be satisfied with what we are and what we have.  Especially if we are gay, it is important to improve our physical attributes, because this adds to our value and brings us the sex we desire and eventually,... eventually a satisfying relationship.

 

Throughout these holidays, you can reflect and plan the best path to perfect health through good nutrition and exercise, good skills that help you to make plenty of money, maybe some social activities to learn from them to improve your character and ways to deal with people.  Christmas day can be a good time to write down the new-year resolutions.   And then,  if a good relationship comes your way,  you can cut these resolutions in half, because this will be all the time you will have left to implement them...

[Guest Wrong]

Maybe you need to reflect whether you have been looking in the wrong places. Keep looking at apps and saunas, and you will only continue getting trash and more trash.

 

Think long-term.

[Guest Difficulties]

If it's easy then it's probably not worth your time. And it takes a load of luck to meet someone that meets your expectations given your current self.

 

Besides, every 5 or 10  years, you progress into a different stage of your life. At different stages, your expectations might change and different challenges might arise. For example, when we were young, we might prefer puppy love but we might have too little allowance.

 

All in all, it takes a lot of reflection and hence a good grasp of your current and future self, and a load of luck to be able start a relationship.

 

 

[fab]

Patience, devotion and sincerity.

 

Lots and lots.

[kidster]

I even go to the extent of asking for a bf when I'm praying for good health and fortune. 

 

It has been years and my prayer is still unanswered. I think god also can't help us. haha

[Garyl]

  On 12/24/2019 at 9:47 AM, Guest guest perplexed said:

I'm just wondering, why is it so . my late 20s but I'm still evergreen... haha is that normal?

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When u have at least 1 of the 5c or a gd cxxk.. , pm me. I help u fins.

If dont have, then..pray every second.. work on your karma points

[Innocentguy]

  On 12/25/2019 at 6:11 PM, kidster said:

I even go to the extent of asking for a bf when I'm praying for good health and fortune. 

 

It has been years and my prayer is still unanswered. I think god also can't help us. haha

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Me too. I ever prayed for it too but....

Hehe

[LeanMature]

  On 12/25/2019 at 6:11 PM, kidster said:

I even go to the extent of asking for a bf when I'm praying for good health and fortune. 

 

It has been years and my prayer is still unanswered. I think god also can't help us. haha

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You have to help yourself by lowering your expectations.  If no one reciprocate your love, reciprocate someone who has offered his love. 

[Guest Guest]

It is just luck and fate. If you are not lucky or fated i guess you have to deal with it. I know a lot of guys cocky, arrogant and no plan in life and men are q-ing to them, a lot of guys who is just average and normal person but they have a wonderful hot boyfriend i dont think they need to be saint for us to tell that they are better in handling relationship as all of us are humans and we have flaws, in other side i met some guys who is handsome and sweet and kind but no one wants them, so i guess it is just luck.

[lonelyglobe]

that's common,  a lot of time those really handsome ones either have higher than average requirements or we always tot they sure attached and miss the chance ....but those average ones are more "chin chye", not all though. 

[Guest InBangkok]

  On 12/24/2019 at 8:09 PM, Guest Wrong said:

Maybe you need to reflect whether you have been looking in the wrong places. Keep looking at apps and saunas, and you will only continue getting trash and more trash.

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Agreed, although I would never describe those going to saunas as trash. The fact is that most of those on the apps and definitely most going to saunas are there for one reason only - sex. The number of longer-term relationships that have resulted will, I believe, be infinitesimal. So you are likely to be in for further years of solitude if that is only where you are looking.

 

Have you any gay friends? If so, go out with them to a gay bar from time to time. Be sociable. Look around. See if there is anyone making eye contact. If you like the look of someone, you initiate the eye contact. Go to parties. Or organise one yourself and get your friends also to invite friends.  It is through meeting people that you are far more likely to find one who might become your boyfriend. 

 

Shyness and a fear of rejection is one of the most common reasons why gay guys fail to take the initiative. If you fall into that category, you have to find a way around it. You have to train yourself to be more easy around other people and open up to them socially. You create your own reality. Don't believe that you are in this situation because that is the way the winds have blown.

[LeanMature]

  On 12/26/2019 at 4:21 AM, lonelyglobe said:

that's common,  a lot of time those really handsome ones either have higher than average requirements or we always tot they sure attached and miss the chance ....but those average ones are more "chin chye", not all though. 

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We may envy those really handsome ones, but they are more stressful than the average lookers.  They are being court and harassed by both gals and gays, from campus life to working life, especially when a supervisor "purposely" piled him with heavy workload so that he has to stay back late in the office. 

[Guest guest perplexed]

thanks everyone for your kind replies! Makes a lot of sense to me, and I think it helps :) I'll try to ruminate over these thoughts; best wishes to everyone else too 🌟🌟 y'all are very kind!!

[blueberry_icecream]

Hello Guys,

 

Just a random question.

 

Why do some guys get a boyfriend easily in a blink of an eye?

 

And on the other hand, some guys (like me) can't even get a boyfriend even after 10 years of finding?

 

Thank you.

[kys0n]

I think getting hitched quickly boils down to mainly two factors - looks and personality. Looks must be above average (so it will attract more potential suitors) and having an open (something like spontaneous) personality helps a lot with building a fast connection (but whether it lasts is a different story altogether). 

[Kkklaus]

Maybe you're finding in the wrong place 😅😅

[notd]

I don't think getting a boyfriend is a rat race in any way, not implying that it is but my point is, everyone has their own pace and timing in getting one.

 

It's not necessarily about looks or personality, you can have either, neither or together and some people are still single at the end of the day. I've seen dudes with an adonis-like figure and the face of model who have remained single for a long time NOT because no one desires them, but simply because they were too difficult to get along with and people just don't wanna put up with that.

 

Likewise, there are people who are decent looking, boasts a good personality but are still single, probably because the one thing they lack is obvious pecs and abs. Then you have folks with good personality who struggle to get a boyfriend because they tend to go for people who might not be interested in them (?)

 

Most of the time however, I've met attractive, decent and average folks who are single not because no one wants them, but that they chose to be single or have self-internalized the fact that they aren't easy to be in a relationship with. That or they're currently embroiled in a one-sided love for someone else.

 

Edited July 4, 2021 by notd

[Guest Guest]

There are many reasons to it;  right place (in searching), right guy, right time, looks & personality, etc etc… importantly, did you set realistic expectations for yourself, the fact that you said your hunt has been 10 years already? 

[Guest guest]

Your expectation must be high? Or you find the wrong place with wrong people? Or you are really ugly or creepy? So which one?

[GachiMuchi]

  On 7/4/2021 at 3:35 AM, blueberry_icecream said:

Hello Guys,

Just a random question.

Why do some guys get a boyfriend easily in a blink of an eye?

And on the other hand, some guys (like me) can't even get a boyfriend even after 10 years of finding?

Thank you.

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  On 6/18/2021 at 2:18 PM, blueberry_icecream said:

Hey Guys,

 

There is something to share about myself and I feel bad about it.

It's that I feel very jealous whenever I see or hear about people in a relationship.

It makes me feel sad that I am not in a relationship.

My jealously is not the negative type, rather it's just a deep yearning why I can't be like those people in a relationship. 

I just have a deep desire to experience a romantic relationship just like others.

I will just control my feelings in the end and wish sincerely that at least the others are happy.

Am I a bad person to feel jealous?

 

Thank you.

 

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  On 5/24/2021 at 10:56 AM, blueberry_icecream said:

Hey guys,

Do you think it's a must (or necessary) to have a love relationship in life?

Like, will you miss out something in life if you choose not to have a love relationship?

Is it ok if I choose to remain single in life? I just feel concerned whether I will regret choosing to be single when I grow old.

 

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Why is it easy for others to get a relationship and hard for you?

1.  Your friends are happily going out living their lives while you are here questioning your life? How's that for a start?

2. There is nothing to be jealous about a relationship. In any relationship, there will be happy one and some unhappy one and in extreme cases, some kill their partner. Relationship is not a fairy tale and there are no fairy tale ending. Just look at Prince Charles and Diana.

3. What you should be looking at is Are you even ready for a relationship?

4. Personally, I predict your first few relationship, if you have any would never last long due to the following reasons：

    a. you are not mature enough for a relationship. Just look at those questions you posted.

    b. your ideal relationship you have in your mind are too unrealistic and not practical.

5. You should start exercising and get fit and build your physical and your external appearance.

6. At the same time, build on your internal, e.g. confident level, self esteem, attitudes, etc.

7. If you want to protect yourself from getting hurt and not going to try, then you will be forever "all thoughts and no action".

8. Go take up challenges and live your life you want instead of seating in front of your computer screen, imagining all the scenario and getting jealous of others.

9. It's not a must to have a certain thing. Don't give yourself unnecessary pressure that you must this and must that.

If you can't find peace and contentment in yourself, you won't find peace and contentment from others, because no one, even your parents can give you peace and contentment to you, if you are not at peace with yourself. 知足常乐！

[mate69]

  On 7/4/2021 at 4:07 AM, notd said:

I don't think getting a boyfriend is a rat race in any way, not implying that it is but my point is, everyone has their own pace and timing in getting one.

 

It's not necessarily about looks or personality, you can have either, neither or together and some people are still single at the end of the day. I've seen dudes with an adonis-like figure and the face of model who have remained single for a long time NOT because no one desires them, but simply because they were too difficult to get along with and people just don't wanna put up with that.

 

Likewise, there are people who are decent looking, boasts a good personality but are still single, probably because the one thing they lack is obvious pecs and abs. Then you have folks with good personality who struggle to get a boyfriend because they tend to go for people who might not be interested in them (?)

 

Most of the time however, I've met attractive, decent and average folks who are single not because no one wants them, but that they chose to be single or have self-internalized the fact that they aren't easy to be in a relationship with. That or they're currently embroiled in a one-sided love for someone else.

 

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You couldn't have said it any better!

[kidster]

There is one more category you missed. Man who knows exactly what he is doing.

 

He is pragmatic and patient. He reflects and plans for his future while waiting for the other half to appear.     

 

After each failed relationship, he got to know himself better and what he wants in a rs. Whenever someone with mutual liking comes along, he will give it a try with min expectations. It's not even easy to satisfy this first prerequisite.

 

No one is ideal. It depends on how much we are willing to change and accommodate to other party. The rest is left to fate. 

 

  On 7/4/2021 at 4:07 AM, notd said:

I don't think getting a boyfriend is a rat race in any way, not implying that it is but my point is, everyone has their own pace and timing in getting one.

 

It's not necessarily about looks or personality, you can have either, neither or together and some people are still single at the end of the day. I've seen dudes with an adonis-like figure and the face of model who have remained single for a long time NOT because no one desires them, but simply because they were too difficult to get along with and people just don't wanna put up with that.

 

Likewise, there are people who are decent looking, boasts a good personality but are still single, probably because the one thing they lack is obvious pecs and abs. Then you have folks with good personality who struggle to get a boyfriend because they tend to go for people who might not be interested in them (?)

 

Most of the time however, I've met attractive, decent and average folks who are single not because no one wants them, but that they chose to be single or have self-internalized the fact that they aren't easy to be in a relationship with. That or they're currently embroiled in a one-sided love for someone else.

 

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[notd]

  On 7/4/2021 at 6:05 AM, kidster said:

There is one more category you missed. Man who knows exactly what he is doing.

 

He is pragmatic and patient. He reflects and plans for his future while waiting for the other half to appear.     

 

After each failed relationship, he got to know himself better and what he wants in a rs. Whenever someone with mutual liking comes along, he will give it a try with min expectations. It's not even easy to satisfy this first prerequisite.

 

No one is ideal. It depends on how much we are willing to change and accommodate to other party. The rest is left to fate. 

 

 

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Hmm... I have different opinions on "the certain ones." And I hope it does not upset you ahahaha.

 

Compatibility is a mirage. No two faces are made the same. And I'd like to think we all learn and grow at our own pace, which makes the category of "he knows exactly what he is doing" void in my eyes. 

 

You're not wrong, but I don't think every grown men out there seeking for a relationship asks for one without realizing what they want or are getting themselves into. 

 

I.e.: I'm allergic to men who expect their partners to be financially stable, when they themselves have debts to pay. Or someone with a troubled past who hopes for a sane and sorted partner, when they themselves have yet to overcome their emotional baggage. 

 

In all honesty, we all have our demons and battles to struggle with, but how you perceive your partner's battles be it productive or detrimental to your expectations is another. In essence, we're never fully without "problems." And I attach quote marks to that because I would date someone who had a debt if I know they were working hard to pay it off without expecting me to fork out any financial assistance. Ditto, I wouldn't expect my partner to pay off my bills at all. 

 

Even if we answered the question perfectly, what even is compatibility? The way I see it, the world has defined compatibility as the utter need to be in-sync with one another. Many are quick to close off this compatibility door if they do not sense a connection at first meet. But we forget one-half of compatibility also involves comfort, which is cultivated through habituation and patience. 

 

It also seems like compatibility is a euphemism for standards and expectation. I know a member here who once told me compatibility involves financial wellbeing for him, because in his words, he wants to care and be cared for nicely when he reaches his 50s and beyond. That makes his relationship somewhat monetary at his current age range. 

 

To end this digression however, there's no wrong in being patient. But if you're waiting for a long time yet complaining about the lack of suitors when there have been decent ones appearing before you, then... that may speak something about one's patience or pragmatic take. This applies to both homo and heterosexual relationships. 

 

Here's a brief story for the readers...

 

I know a female friend who is extremely headstrong, successful and an all-around independent woman. She is beautiful, voluptuous from head to toe, has a very pleasant personality, but ironically suffers in the love department. Why? Because she's constantly expecting her future boyfriend to be the one to care for her while she advocates for being independent both financially and emotionally. Yet when she meets someone who can provide that, her criticisms shift to their looks. 

"I don't need my partner to feed me. But I want to have the privilege to eat Hai Di Lao and not McDonald's on a date." 

 

There is no pleasing her. She dated many men who would take her to expensive meals and restaurant, some of them were young bachelors in their early 30s who hit the gyms, won the genetic lottery and happen to be sane and sorted, but then it turned into a problem of race. 

"Oh, he's Malay, I don't know can or not." She's Chinese. 

 

In the end, she threw herself into a cycle of casual sex with random man (protected of course). She bounces from one man to the other. Every time I see her form an attachment to the man she sleeps with, she is quick to deny she has no attraction towards them. Yet she falls into her own trap of sleeping with them. "I did it to *test* myself and see if I really like them," she'll always say. At the end of the day, it becomes clear she had some form of attraction towards them. The saddest part of it all, she's fooling no one but herself.

 

Now, to end this friggin this long wall of text for good. I guess what I'm trying to ask next is... What do you want?  Does being certain about what you want in a guy/girl involves a modicum of flexibility? Because like I said, no two faces are made the same, no two careers are inherently similar, no two troubled pasts are always relatable. 

 

Or does being certain mean not settling for anything less, or in other words "He/she knows what they want?" If your definition of "knowing what they want" is akin to my description of my female friend, then... I don't know if I can agree to that. But if knowing what they want means having an idea of someone you'd go for, yet also making room to maneuver around, then okay, I agree.

 

Us humans being social creatures, we crave for intimacy. A lot of people out there want to have a relationship, yet many of them have sealed themselves off for one simple reason - The fear of getting hurt. Ironically, the fear of getting hurt also stems from many going for partners who are probably out of their league or view them as nothing more but a mere chapter in life. Such is the case with modern dating/romance, we're constantly pining for someone who doesn't reciprocate our feelings because the brain is psychologically hardwired to pursue the impossible/difficult as it creates a sense of reward if we attain it. When things fall apart, and someone decent-yet-not-necessarily-your-type comes along, we fall back to the fallacy of "I know what I want" or subject ourselves to what I said earlier, self-internalizing our failures as way to keep relationships at bay, yet lamenting day and night about being single.   

 

 

[LeanMature]

Everything depends on your own expectation.  

[Looking123]

So many good replies. Gems!

[leantonedboy]

Life is full of experiences and things in life always happen unexpectedly. So we just gotta keep an open mind. The more we keep thinking about it, the more it will nv happen. So stop worrying and let it happen naturally. Let circumstances take you there. 

[BudakFit]

If you looking for love one is thru fun sex or sauna gay or str8 or join any groups activities (sports etc) or even safe outdoor....

 

Another way is do your own tik tok, or youtube or something...or any via insta or twitter....

 

And if you lucky enough is thru friend's friends celebrate etc...

 

Lastly is tinder and you need to intiate...if he don't reply for a week, move on unmatch n look others...

 

Whatever it is...friends first ..then date n see how it goes....do not rush.. 

[lightsmith32]

This is a very gd thread with excellent replies. I hwve nothing to give but have benefited from all the replies ...

 

Op you will do well to read thru and wake up your idea.

[Guest square]

Everyone's story is different. Whatever we hear from other's relationship is never 100% the full story.

 

There's no need to compare your life with them.

 

But I'm assuming you are unhappy with the difficulty of finding a relationship. Is it really difficult though?

I'm pretty sure I can easily find you a random boyfriend in a day or two if you can really accept anyone I bring.

 

Then the question should be "Why are you being difficult about it?"

Well, it's not wrong to be picky. You are, after all, looking for something serious. So instead of spending time comparing yourself with others, find out why you are being difficult and work on it or be at peace with it.

 

Coming from someone who's been single almost all his youth, life is about happiness. And happiness is not the same as relationship 🙈

 

 

 

 

[Looking123]

Maybe have to be more outgoing, join more activities (regardless of orientation), etc. without making sex and getting a bf as the criteria. I suppose no one likes meeting someone who is so "hungry", desperate or "odd", right? On the other hand, playing it too cool might not work too. Easier said than done but the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. #notetoself

 

[crispyasf]

I've learnt from my personal experience that when you look for someone, you will always find him... but he will turn out not quite what you are looking for. So I have been working on myself and enjoying my own company. He'll come eventually. And if not, I am happy without anyway

[Sirius_m]

Can't resist chipping in after reading a number of quality replies. 

I can totally relate to the feelings of wanting to find a companion especially when you see people around you happily getting hitched. The Fear Of Missing Out is a natural instinct as souls wish for a wholesome experience in their limited time on earth.

The whole process to love someone is a risky endeavour that most people tend to fall into a trap.

We fall for people based on our filters for attractiveness (usually implanted thoughts from family and media) and for those that fall short, we either disregard their existence or friend-zone them. Sadly the case for me - people I loved are still great friends but we never took the next step - because my personality, looks or background were short of the normal standards.

As my overall life improved till my late 30s, I entered a relationship with someone who was determined to be pragmatic with adjusted expectations.. it was a fine relationship but I ended up being the dis-satisfied party. Found my current love that I have maintained for 1 year+ and it still goes strong - but who knows what may come.

 

The point of sharing my long story is really to reinforce the points from previous posts - life is a bittersweet journey where difficulties we face teaches us to cherish what comes along. Live in the present and the present will come in your future 😉

 

 

 

Edited July 10, 2021 by Sirius_m

[Guest Hello hello]

Lots of good advice!

 

I would say, don't look to a relationship as part of a to-do list for a happy life.

 

If you go into a relationship with that mentality, you may compromise on yourself as a person because "being in a relationship" may take precedence over "being satisfied"

 

You can be happy outside of a relationship, and from observing my friends who are in relatively stable long term relationships, one key factor is that they make each other happy, but they don't rely solely on each other for a sense of joy and satisfaction. 

 

Focus on being your own person. If not the other person will also need to wade through the muck of your personal baggage and no one is really going to stand for it in the long run.

 

 

[kiloKilo]

+

Edited October 5, 2021 by kiloKilo
Opinion too negative

[EndlessDreamz]

There's no need to take such a pessimistic view on this topic really..

 

I, for one, had never looked for anything else other than a committed, long-term relationship. It is what i had always been looking for, and shall always be what I will look for, until i find it, however slim the chance may be. And I'm pretty sure there are fellow sympathizers hidden out there.

 

Before anyone misunderstand my intentions and starts jumping to conclusions, let me just clarify that there is absolutely nothing wrong with any other types of relationship. Everyone has the rights to choose the kind of life they want, as long as they are happy with it, within the limits of not doing harm to anyone else of course. I have decided on mine and that's what I'm going to stick to. Even if I do end up lonely or single for the rest of my life because of this decision I've made, I want to at least be able to say that I stayed true to myself and have no regrets, having given my all for what I truly believed in.

 

If you have faith in your beliefs, does it really matter whether you succeed immediately, or even at all? Just striving wholeheartedly already gives it meaning and purpose. Don't give up before even trying just because everyone else says it's difficult or impossible. Everyone have a different purpose in life; what's impossible for them may not neccessarily be the same for you.

 

What I really want to say is, know what you want and stay true to your principle. Don't say you want to have a committed and meaningful love relationship, but goes around screwing with random strangers every chance you get. If your mindset and focus is not in the right place, even the best opportunity is missed when it comes right in front of you. Similarly, with trying to find a life-long partner in a gay sauna or some random hook-ups. The people who goes there are exactly the type who wants to engage in lovemaking without the attachment and commitments that comes with it. If you look in the wrong places, you are just opening the door to a world of hurt.

 

...And since we're on this topic of finding a relationship, may I take this chance to introduce myself here? XD

32, 180, 72, Local chn, looking for the right person, a life-long companion, to hopefully spend the rest of my life with. If you geniunely share the same sentiments, feel free to drop me a message or start a conversation with me. I promise I will reply to all DMs sincerely and politely too.

 

Edited October 5, 2021 by EndlessDreamz

[Steve5380]

  On 10/4/2021 at 11:08 AM, EndlessDreamz said:

 

Everyone has the rights to choose the kind of life they want, as long as they are happy with it, within the limits of not doing harm to anyone else of course. I have decided on mine and that's what I'm going to stick to. Even if I do end up lonely or single for the rest of my life because of this decision I've made, I want to at least be able to say that I stayed true to myself and have no regrets, having given my all for what I truly believed in.

 

If you have faith in your beliefs, does it really matter whether you succeed immediately, or even at all? Just striving wholeheartedly already gives it meaning and purpose. Don't give up before even trying just because everyone else says it's difficult or impossible. Everyone have a different purpose in life; what's impossible for them may not neccessarily be the same for you.

 

 

 

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You wrote a nice post,  but there some parts of it that are questionable.

 

What is "true to yourself"?   If this "true" means that you may end up lonely and single all your life,  is such a "true" worth having?  Will you keep "faith in your beliefs" forever if you may not succeed at all?  Why you think that there is any virtue in trying forever  (since there is no success)  because of an eternal faith?

 

We are endowed with a flexible mind that can reason and analyze.  Analyze our experiences.  We surely have principles and faiths at a time based on what we know then.  Not only we evolve all the time, but we learn from experience.  This means that along our life, we get to know more and differently.  Should then our beliefs remain the same?  NO,  NOT if we ignorantly think that a change in beliefs is a treason to ourselves.  When you reach 80 years you should have changed many beliefs and put many caveats to your principles.  And be still the same moral, righteous person.   Of course...  if you are a perfect being from the start there won't be any beliefs to change.  

 

  On 10/4/2021 at 11:08 AM, EndlessDreamz said:

 

What I really want to say is, know what you want and stay true to your principle. Don't say you want to have a committed and meaningful love relationship, but goes around screwing with random strangers every chance you get. If your mindset and focus is not in the right place, even the best opportunity is missed when it comes right in front of you. Similarly, with trying to find a life-long partner in a gay sauna or some random hook-ups. The people who goes there are exactly the type who wants to engage in lovemaking without the attachment and commitments that comes with it. If you look in the wrong places, you are just opening the door to a world of hurt.

 

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I can speak from experience.  Since joining the gay scene at around 50 years old, I have been in so many gay saunas and hook-up places that I may lose count.  So, by your standards, I would not be the kind of person to become a life-long partner.   But I did.  I had a long-life partner who passed away after 21 years of living together with me.  We met in a sleazy gay bar.  He had frequented bars and gay saunas, and he was the one who introduced me to these saunas of pleasure.  Two good natured moral guys who had their standards of behavior but didn't believe that these places of pleasure were necessarily sinful.  Since I had this life experience with my late bf,  I will never assume that a person I meet in a gay sauna or bar is morally damaged.  I have respect for everybody including myself,  unless there is evidence of the contrary.

 

Perhaps if you go out and have some experience,  you may change your opinions and not judge at first sight that your principles are being violated.