Guest Lola Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookieeee Monster Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 Don't worry. There are many guys out there looking for mature guys too. Just be sincere when making friends. Once the chemistry clicks, who cares how old you are and how you look. Cheers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 3 hours ago, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... Guest Lola, mid-30s is an ideal age to start working out with weights. Making serious efforts to lift heavy weights (for your capacity), if not possible in a gym, then at least at home. To maintain and even reduce weight may not be a matter of eating less (diet) but changing the foods you eat, little by little, getting to like the ones that are healthy. Not out at mid-30s is not too serious. I was not out until 50, after I divorced. I had plenty of good gay life thereafter, and I still will have (after the coronavirus). Is your stress due to work? If so, exercising in the free time you have, even at the expense of work (your boss may not see you at home) can help. Is the stress due to lack of good relationship? Put yourself in the mode of deferred compensation, where the lack of relationship and its stress now will help you become more attractive later, and convince yourself that in this way you will make up for this and more in the future. To be 50 and in good shape, good health is ideal. There are plenty of younger gays who like well kept 50 year old-s and, if you like younger gays, this works just perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyglobe Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Get a personal trainer and focus on the right diet, posting in bw is not going to get u near where u want to be but attract lots of unwanted comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest truth Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 6 hours ago, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... so you know you are overweight = unhealthy but not doing anything much? you cannot maintain ur weight, you need to lose weight! start with diet first! this kinda self pity is not going to bring you anywhere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Uncle Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 7 hours ago, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... No one is born attractive. Being attractive is both on the outside, and most importantly in the inside. Your face, body and grooming should reflect the beauty and self respect you have inside. Go work on it. Stop moaning. It's hard work. Chris Pratt or Zac Effron didn't look like their screen hotness just sitting on the couch and eating pizzas. So if you want it, go get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rohanpune Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rohanpune Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Once u reach a certain age the hardest part about gym is seeing younger ppl there and who are in better shape.... but think of it this way once u start going it's half battle done alr..: I've seen some people transform in a short amount of time (I wish I was one of them) just take the first step... and tbh in the gym everyone is struggling to be stronger than they alr are... just go be shameless don't care about ppl and what they might or might not think. Tbh what they think is not ur business. cheers dude... go be the best version of u Steve5380 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mid Life Crisis Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 I was sort of in similar situation before... When I reach my 30s, no longer a twinky boy... Jobless, my bf decided to ditch me... I was the typical 屌丝. Once outside cruising I was rejected by a man for the fact I have a little belly... I decided to join the gym... Nothing changed for a year or 2 of that... Until I was upsold to take up a personal trainer... It is worth taking up a personal trainer, you will be pushed to work harder, also after a month or 2 you will start seeing results. I never buy any of those protein powder thing, mainly watching my diet. What I want to say... To have someone to love... It start from you! You need to have confident. Beauty is mainly about "confident"... Look at people around you. Also learn to love yourself. If you are what you are now, people will just take you for granted. I was in that situation too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greysnow Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Doesn't need to be in a r/s to be happy. And don't get into a r/s just for the sake of it. Learn to love yourself then you will be happy 😐 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fitfit Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Diet is the thing, speaking from own experience. Eat clean like chicken breast, eggs, tuna etc And cut out all rice and carbs But dun starve yourself! Eat like 3 to 5 small meals throughout the day. And drink lots of water Trust me, in 2 weeks times, you will see a difference. Dun even need to exercise (yet). You will have alot of temptations for unhealthy food daily but gotta be disciplined. Its a good start for overweight guys, will also benefit those rather fit guys who wanna lose some weight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 it is the chemistry between you and the other guy once you have found your mr right, no matter whether you are skinny, fit or obese. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lola Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 Thank you all for the wonderful messages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koolkai Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 On 4/8/2020 at 5:02 AM, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... Don't feel depress. Now the COVID19 situation is quite bad...just stay healthy and think about relationship later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mijsdlog Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 Obviously, now with COVID-19 still not under control, we shouldn't go out and can only resort to socialising online... Outside of that... Being closet does make it more difficult to connect with other LGBT individuals. There are differing degrees of closetedness. Are you at least somewhat comfortable with the fact that you are gay and that you want to be intimate with another guy? What are your living arrangements? Do you have space to be yourself without having to keep looking over your shoulder? Getting into and being in a relationship is a process. Don't see it as an end. Movies often end on a sweet point but in real life it keeps going on and there will be ups and downs - sometimes so bad that you want to end the relationship. So the important thing is to be comfortable with yourself first. Stay healthy and enrich yourself with knowledge and experience; when you are well, you stand a better chance of attracting good people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 On 4/8/2020 at 12:56 AM, Guest Fitfit said: Diet is the thing, speaking from own experience. Eat clean like chicken breast, eggs, tuna etc And cut out all rice and carbs But dun starve yourself! Eat like 3 to 5 small meals throughout the day. And drink lots of water Trust me, in 2 weeks times, you will see a difference. Dun even need to exercise (yet). You will have alot of temptations for unhealthy food daily but gotta be disciplined. Its a good start for overweight guys, will also benefit those rather fit guys who wanna lose some weight. Good advice. Good nutrition, more than exercise, is the important solution for obesity. Instead of cutting out all rice and carbs, cut out the not-so-good carbs like rice, pasta, white bread in favor of the good carbs like leguminous (especially lentils), green vegetables, sweet potatoes, fruits (especially avocados, berries), seeds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caindukker Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 On 4/8/2020 at 9:07 AM, Steve5380 said: Guest Lola, mid-30s is an ideal age to start working out with weights. Making serious efforts to lift heavy weights (for your capacity), if not possible in a gym, then at least at home. To maintain and even reduce weight may not be a matter of eating less (diet) but changing the foods you eat, little by little, getting to like the ones that are healthy. Not out at mid-30s is not too serious. I was not out until 50, after I divorced. I had plenty of good gay life thereafter, and I still will have (after the coronavirus). Is your stress due to work? If so, exercising in the free time you have, even at the expense of work (your boss may not see you at home) can help. Is the stress due to lack of good relationship? Put yourself in the mode of deferred compensation, where the lack of relationship and its stress now will help you become more attractive later, and convince yourself that in this way you will make up for this and more in the future. To be 50 and in good shape, good health is ideal. There are plenty of younger gays who like well kept 50 year old-s and, if you like younger gays, this works just perfect. Good advice, good health is important. Doesn't matter what age you are in. You can still find someone to love when you're 50 or more too. I'm the type of guy who likes boys with a smaller build, but if someone in their 50s clicks with me, love me and takes good care of me, I would love the person regardless. In the end love is love, age doesn't matter. I'm currently 32yo by the way. I used to have a gay friend who was fat and unattractive. He had no confidence and always complained. He was always stressed out because of this too. Told him all he needs to do is start exercising, get new clothes and love yourself a little more. Once you do that, people will start loving you for who you are. Don't give up! 😁 Gambateh! Steve5380 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest21 Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 On 4/8/2020 at 9:07 AM, Steve5380 said: Guest Lola, mid-30s is an ideal age to start working out with weights. Making serious efforts to lift heavy weights (for your capacity), if not possible in a gym, then at least at home. To maintain and even reduce weight may not be a matter of eating less (diet) but changing the foods you eat, little by little, getting to like the ones that are healthy. Not out at mid-30s is not too serious. I was not out until 50, after I divorced. I had plenty of good gay life thereafter, and I still will have (after the coronavirus). Is your stress due to work? If so, exercising in the free time you have, even at the expense of work (your boss may not see you at home) can help. Is the stress due to lack of good relationship? Put yourself in the mode of deferred compensation, where the lack of relationship and its stress now will help you become more attractive later, and convince yourself that in this way you will make up for this and more in the future. To be 50 and in good shape, good health is ideal. There are plenty of younger gays who like well kept 50 year old-s and, if you like younger gays, this works just perfect. Do what you feel you are happier with! I don't understand why you after so much time never tried to explore more with the new guy? Maybe it turns out that he's just friendly and that there isn't more or he just preys on his luck to gdt you into bed. Third: I find building up a relationship on text messaged weird. Meet him please discover him and draw your conclusions. you could have been wasting all your time already. Another advice: Look, if you're looking for a 100% monogamous and truthfull relationship please move on or dream on. it doesn't exist in the straight world nor the lesser in the gay world. I m a bit disturbed that you didn't experience sex in your first relationship. ok, I personally don't like to advise on breakups. Real love means to me that a couple pulls things together and settles differences. Often we give up too early. However; all in all you must feel comfortable in a relationship. before you come to a conclusion you should have explored much more woth the second guy. maybe in the end he isn't suitable at all!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted February 29 Report Share Posted February 29 On 4/7/2020 at 4:02 PM, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... On 4/7/2020 at 8:07 PM, Steve5380 said: Guest Lola, mid-30s is an ideal age to start working out with weights. Making serious efforts to lift heavy weights (for your capacity), if not possible in a gym, then at least at home. To maintain and even reduce weight may not be a matter of eating less (diet) but changing the foods you eat, little by little, getting to like the ones that are healthy. Guest Lola, here is what I have learned in the 4 years since I replied to your post. To exercise is very helpful. But it is more important the nutrition. And the importance is not in how much we eat, but in what we eat, and equally important, HOW OFTEN we eat. I used to believe that the best is to eat multiple little meals throughout the day. But this is WRONG. We should eat as seldom as possible, leaving long periods of fasting in between. A good system is "intermittent fasting", where we eat all the daily food within 8 hours, perhaps in two meals, and we FAST for the remaining 16 hours. This allows the digestive system to rest, ideally during the night, and after digestion of food ends the body keeps receiving nutrition... from our fat! The result of intermittent fasting is a flexible metabolism, insulin sensitivity. This causes weight loss down to our ideal weight, which we then maintain indefinitely with this habit of fasting. Hungers, appetite disappear, and we don't need to snack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funky beaver Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 A lot of good advice here, but the most important is to take the first step. With can't do and whiny mindset, you won't go anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalion Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 On 4/8/2020 at 5:02 AM, Guest Lola said: I am not attractive now, no one seems to be interested in me in Grindr... And I feel so inferior... I am still in my closet... I wonder how long I can continue to be where I am now... I am going on a weekly frequent to maintain my weight... But the fact is I am overweight and under heavy stress... Relationship is so hard... Always wonder what happened to these guys who posted here... haha It's 3 years ago soon. Not sure where the stress came from, but if it is work you might want to take a break or switch the company, if that is the cause of stress. On your being overweight you can act on it also. I recently met a guy I met a long time ago and he went down from 120kg to a slim fit nice boy. Further, it is not that bears do not have relationships. Actually, you can see quite some bear couples here in SGP. Most relevant is to change your stance on yourself. Think more proudly of yourself and start feeling self worth. If not, you will always fail because you are too hard on yourself and clouded by your negativity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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