Are We Really Really Able To Have Close Bros Without Any Sex?

[kjs2221]

I wish I can get one. But it is really hard to come by. It is really based on the chemistry. Isn't it?

[Why?]

My best friend and I used to get together roughly once a week to spend a whole day painting the town red. We had known each other for decades. Nothing about each other is unknown to us, including his favorite meals, the kind of guy he prefers, his own family history, and his everyday activities. We are always able to get together when needed each other's companion and never fight over trivial matters. 

 

Even if we seem to be the perfect soul mate for each other, there is no sex in our relationships since we often joke that we are not the kind of person we were searching for.  We encourage each other to go out and date whomever we think we might like.   In the end, he had multiple sexual encounters with "perfect guys" in the hopes of discovering genuine love, but it turned out to be disappointing.

 

Therefore, having a brotherly or best friend connection is not a prerequisite for having sex.

Edited January 9 by Why?

[scheiBe]

Having scrolled through the pages and corroborating with personal experiences, I do agree that you can only be close friends with guys whom you are not sexually attracted to (be it same role, aesthetic, body type etc.), and vice versa because:

 

So long as even one of you is attracted to the other -

 

1.1 It will either end up regular fun or

1.2 Y'all may seep deeper and fall in love or 

1.3 If one of you does not reciprocate, it will lead to awkwardness and unless you have a reasonably stable platonic relationship prior, chances of being "close bros without sex" will be slim as not many are able to take rejection in stride. 

 

Therefore the sudden influx of attention you may be getting are usually short-lived the moment one of you crosses the line.

 

Similar interests may help to a certain extent but I feel that it is more double-edged than one may think. 

 

Hence at the end of day, you must not be attracted to the person and it goes both ways.

 

[Why?]

21 hours ago, scheiBe said:

Having scrolled through the pages and corroborating with personal experiences, I do agree that you can only be close friends with guys whom you are not sexually attracted to (be it same role, aesthetic, body type etc.), and 

 

If one of you does not reciprocate, it will lead to awkwardness and unless you have a reasonably stable platonic relationship prior, chances of being "close bros without sex" will be slim as not many are able to take rejection in stride. 

 

If you know someone in the army, at work, or at school, you can have a brotherly or "sisterly" relationship with them.  If you don't want to talk about sex because you're afraid the other person won't reciprocate, at least you have a ton of gossip to offer.  My friend and I frequently discuss our coworkers' marriages, job losses, office politics...etc.  We also discuss our careers, and I tell him that one of my coworkers is a lesbian after learning that his supervisor is anti-gay.  Such conversations can take place while enjoying our Hainanese chicken rice in a Quiet corner of Singapore, over kopi at Starbucks, or while we were dipping in the swimming pool ogling at half naked guys on a quiet day...etc.

 

The relationship grew stronger over time, and we frequently went shopping together in an attempt to improve each other's physical appearance because we all knew that we wanted to look good in front of other men.  Occasionally, when we both see a handsome man boarding our bus, we exchange sly looks in an attempt to let my friend know that this guy is my "type" and whispers for an opinion.   Every time we get together, we both act like desperate housewives sharing our "gals" conversations.   The only reason you feel uncomfortable is that you are wishing for the impossibly unlikely to happen (A).  As for me and my friend, we get together to share our experiences, encourage one another, and occasionally console one another when we fall short of society's expectation.., etc.    In brotherly relationship,  we don't dread meeting, but always look forward to it and never ever think of having sex with each other. 

 

(A) 

An alternative kind of experience exists.  I met a stranger online.  I am not attracted to him sexually, despite the fact that we both like each other at first sight.  I therefore wished to sustain a one-sided, non-sexual relationship with him.  We've just been dating for a few days, and because I let him down, we hardly have anything  to discuss.  I'm usually the one who strikes up a conversation to start our "chemistry," but he felt uncomfortable, reserved, and reluctant to share fascinating anecdotes or more about himself.  Ultimately, I came up with a plan, and we went into cruisy parks, gay scenes, etc. and  hoped that, in those conditions,  would spur our conversation and deepen our relationship.  We ultimately split up because he was reluctant to dine, shop, or watch movies.  In his mind, he still craves for sexual relationship I couldn't offer.  Stranger is still stranger, even if you met through an internet platform, unlike my brotherly, non-sexual relationship with co-worker.  I am keeping the story brief, but you get the gist. 

Edited January 11 by Why?