What is up with "Are you local?"

[Run]

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

[cutejack]

R u worked up.or stressed up with that question? Normal what. U could just tell them that u r local since u r one now. Better than asking for race n pic then blocked, isnt it? Lol

 

[wkayz]

Lol I don’t see anything wrong with that questions unless that person ghosted on you after you answer, that probably means he has a specific preference. Sometimes I ask that question too haha 🙊🙊

just take it as part of the get-to-know-you-better kind of question lor..

[fab]

15 minutes ago, Run said:

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

 

When I am overseas,  I am very proud to share with whoever interested to know where I am from. 

 

Instead of discrimination,  I take it they are keen to create a conversation. 

[Guest Guest]

Easier way for locals (mostly chinese) to just blocked or ignore you if your are non local except if you are ang moh or at least be chinese.

[Guest Gast]

Haha, its the other way around for me. I normally say ''I am not local'' to those pesky people who approach me wanting me to sign up for some credit card or some other silly scheme - that stops them immediately :).

[farku29]

sometimes it's just making conversation - don't be so sensitive

[innocense]

If you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so no point going into a relationship with someone who eventually going to leave unless the person is ok with long distance relationship.

[LeanMature]

1 hour ago, Run said:

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

 

"Are you local" is a shortcut way of asking if you are a citizen of Singapore.   There is nothing discriminate about this question.

If you are not, you should take this opportunity to introduce your country of birth and its culture.   And since you are already a citizen for 10 years, there is even no reason for feeling discriminated.

[Guest Guest]

49 minutes ago, innocense said:

If you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so no point going into a relationship with someone who eventually going to leave unless the person is ok with long distance relationship.

 

Yes but ang moh are always exception on this whether he go back on his country or not, still some asians q-ing to be their bf lol

[J0Boo]

I think it's okay to ask that question BUT if you already stated that on your profile and he still ask it, then you know what to do.

[Guest btm]

2 hours ago, innocense said:

If you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so no point going into a relationship with someone who eventually going to leave unless the person is ok with long distance relationship.

let's face it, most ppl on the apps who asked that are also people who are just looking for fun. 

[upshot]

4 hours ago, Run said:

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

 

With due respect, please do not treat that as some buzz word leftist "microaggression" dribbled from the west brewing there now and this question is one of them.

 

It's very much an almost reflex action thing to say AMONG other stuff locals here do in conversation. That is a hard habit to break and starts from generations back. And when you have little to talk about to start a conversation, this line of 'question' is not a rude poke at you. It's the same thing as How's the weather? while you two are standing there under the sky.

 

OVER THINKING is what is happening these days and causing tension and problems. Sensitive or taught to think that is a sensitive thing to ask. Unless you have something shameful to hide or after 20 years you still do not get a clear picture of what typical locals are like here, you are not going to enjoy your time here more then you should. You are here and its' for good I reckon? You have to start mixing it up more if not it feels like bro you have not been making the rounds much and keeping to your own ideal from where you came from then to emerge yourself in our melting pot of cultures from various races. At one time though hardly now, old aunties especially love to ask you "How much you make at work" out right, and they only just know you. We evolve, and we change at a pace that you and  I have no way to dictate it. You might need to unlearn certain things you once thought was a better way taught to you and be really open and understanding of the people around you today where you call home.

 

Like a saying that comes to my mind,  " You can take her out of Thailand, but you can not take the Thailand out of her"  This DO happens to people more often than we think.  Being open to stay in another country but mentally not ready to accept what you find there. That's just my POV.

Edited June 24, 2020 by upshot

[Guest conv]

As you can see, the people here generally feel that local question as making conversation. 

 

It's the same style as those asking questions like:

seek? t/b? work as? stay?

 

Chances are, those that ask you "local?" will also ask the standard questions above lol

[Guest jjlin]

I think this is a specific SG thing. It puzzles me also, esp as I look quite typical Sg Chn.

I've never seen it asked in other countries I've been to.

 

Maybe on some levels, it reflects Singapore today. So many foreigners that it becomes the norm to ask one's origin, even in a random hookup scenario.

Crazy!

 

[Guest Guest]

5 hours ago, Run said:

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

 

Second-class citizen trying to determine if you are a first-class foreigner/naturalized citizen. It's just like Black Life Matters: All are citizens, but some citizens gets treated worse than others. 

[upshot]

31 minutes ago, Guest jjlin said:

I think this is a specific SG thing. It puzzles me also, esp as I look quite typical Sg Chn.

I've never seen it asked in other countries I've been to.

 

Maybe on some levels, it reflects Singapore today. So many foreigners that it becomes the norm to ask one's origin, even in a random hookup scenario.

Crazy!

 

 

Nope.. they do that in Malaysia and Thailand.. it depends on whether you're talking to the fair skin or dark ethnicity. And in some other Asia, it is done in more subtle ways... We all have varying degree of idiosyncrasies.. that is what makes us sometime interesting as much as we hate some of the practices.

Edited June 24, 2020 by upshot

[fab]

Inferior complex of discrimination or pride of origin, it's a choice. 

 

Choose wisely. 

[Guest Qyf]

Are you pinoy 

[Guest Efficient]

Just like why people bother to ask for height, weight and age. Just that in Singapore, there are so many foreigners that nationality can no longer be assumed to be a given. Maybe this question will gradually disappear once there is a drastic decrease in the number of foreigners in this country :)

[kingbitch]

I rarely ask that question but I understand why people do. It is no different from "are you t or b" or "where do you gym".

Even if you are of Chinese ethnicity, people have preferences based on nationality due to convenient stereotypes. Malaysians tend to speak bad English. Taiwanese speak zero English. Singaporeans are cold or rude. Filipinos have annoying accents. PRCs are in their own world. And so on. 

Of course discrimination is wrong, but when you're on an app, you usually aren't interested to stop and get to know an individual better when you can just screen him away based on stereotyping. 

[Guest keke]

I know how annoying it is to get questioned "r u local?". It's not offensive but it's off-putting. Same case with "seek?", "intro" etc etc

 

I'm Indonesian Chinese and I've been here long enough to know the different tier of stereotypes. For reasons a lot of people already know, 80% of the time my nationality and race gets preferential treatment (not as much as Ang Moh but much better than PRCs)

 

In the end, we have the convenient choice to answer the question or not. Those questions are convenient filters. Nowadays whenever I got questioned, I'll just say PRC and I'm glad we don't have to waste each other's time chatting

 

The way of the apps

[FattChoy]

11 hours ago, Run said:

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? 

 

1)They view foreigners as less trustworthy.  This is a big security issue.  If they're foreigners, I wanna know why they're here.  

 

2) They are looking for someone "local" who shares the same socio-cultural values with them.  For example I have an Aussie Chinese friend and it sucks to be having a meal with him cos he doesn't eat street food, only eats in western restaurants or hotel class chinese restaurants.  In general I hate picky food eaters. esp, those who don't eat Indian food (like banana leaf rice, roti, teh tarik) , thinks lamb and duck meat stink, don't eat pork, beef etc etc.  I'm not saying all non locals will have this issues, but in general yeah.

 

3) In a dating app, where people might just be visiting the country for a short trip, the 'local' would not like to invest time and emotions on someone who might not be here next week.  Even if I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm not keen to be a traveller's convenient solution for some local meat.

 

That said, I'm open to meeting up with non-local people as I'm just looking to make friends.

 

Finally, I would think this is "local or not" question bears a more loaded stigma in SG than compared to other multi-provinced countries.  In the latter, people ask cos they wanna understand the other person more.

 

For example, if someone in Beijing is told by his mate that he's from, say inner Mongolia, then the former would guess that he's probably a very nice guy who loves drinking and lamb meat.  Likewise if the guy is from Henan, the conversation would probably end as Henan ppl has really bad reputation on a lot of things.  (In reality Henan ppl would unlikely admit they're from Henan.)

 

To the TS, I think it's not that you can't understand why people ask and then do not want to continue the conversation.  You understand clearly.  It's not bigotry, it's called preference.

 

 

Edited June 24, 2020 by FattChoy

[happiness]

"Are you local?" tends to be a rude question usually, so it's wiser not to ask unless your intention is to provoke, upset or distance the person.

[Neh Neh]

Think people ask "are you local" because they want to include local you into their xxx nationality list, simply to fulfill their fantasy. Also, if you're local meaning you have cpf, hdb and financially sound. Some may have fantasy to be pounded by fit / muscular NS men haha...

[Guest Guest]

95% of local who asked this are local chinese, malays and indian rarely asked this... Why huh

[wilfgene]

I am Me, first and foremost.

[And then]

9 hours ago, FattChoy said:

 

1)They view foreigners as less trustworthy.  This is a big security issue.  If they're foreigners, I wanna know why they're here.  

 

2) They are looking for someone "local" who shares the same socio-cultural values with them.  For example I have an Aussie Chinese friend and it sucks to be having a meal with him cos he doesn't eat street food, only eats in western restaurants or hotel class chinese restaurants.  In general I hate picky food eaters. esp, those who don't eat Indian food (like banana leaf rice, roti, teh tarik) , thinks lamb and duck meat stink, don't eat pork, beef etc etc.  I'm not saying all non locals will have this issues, but in general yeah.

 

3) In a dating app, where people might just be visiting the country for a short trip, the 'local' would not like to invest time and emotions on someone who might not be here next week.  Even if I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm not keen to be a traveller's convenient solution for some local meat.

 

That said, I'm open to meeting up with non-local people as I'm just looking to make friends.

 

Finally, I would think this is "local or not" question bears a more loaded stigma in SG than compared to other multi-provinced countries.  In the latter, people ask cos they wanna understand the other person more.

 

For example, if someone in Beijing is told by his mate that he's from, say inner Mongolia, then the former would guess that he's probably a very nice guy who loves drinking and lamb meat.  Likewise if the guy is from Henan, the conversation would probably end as Henan ppl has really bad reputation on a lot of things.  (In reality Henan ppl would unlikely admit they're from Henan.)

 

To the TS, I think it's not that you can't understand why people ask and then do not want to continue the conversation.  You understand clearly.  It's not bigotry, it's called preference.

 

 

making friends is different, of course you would want to understand their background, so the question may have some validity.

 

however, for a NSA encounter, it is a bit weird

 

[Guest Neh Neh Pok]

They ask that becuase there are way too many foreigners here!

 

I always say to marketers, insurance agents that I'm foreign! They'll leave you alone.

 

As a Chinese Sporean, I've been asked:"are you Malay in Mandarin?" by chinese.  I'll ask them if they are Indian.  Blind bats.

 

People ask :"how old are you?" and I'll say 1000 years old.  They ask because they want to know if your age is suitable for them. Rude toads.

[Guest Flower]

I guess it is just a subtle racism rather than just saying ow sorry im not into pinoy, im not into prc etc

[Guest Jekyll]

I always ask because local gay circle so small, very easy to accidentally met someone you know and be very embarrassing.

 

Needless to say, I exaggerate my pics and profile like most gays, haha. He said he's from Shandong, quite bearish, younger than me. The reputation of Shandong men are very manly, very good tops.

So we arranged to meet in the afternoon at his place when his roommates are out for work.

I managed to find his place. He opened the door. Surprise, he's older than me and I knew him from Shogun. 

 

Super, super awkward since I'm also myself not what he thought I was. But he's a bigger liar. He's not a top but showed me the toys that he want to play with me. 

 

Also not many toys like he exaggerated. He wanted me to try but I'm in no mood. We just teased each other with the toys. Then we gossiped about Shogun. Oh, that's where he get the information from the Chinaman he met there about Shandong, to fool me.

 

 

 

[fab]

2 hours ago, Guest Jekyll said:

I always ask because local gay circle so small, very easy to accidentally met someone you know and be very embarrassing.

 

Needless to say, I exaggerate my pics and profile like most gays, haha. He said he's from Shandong, quite bearish, younger than me. The reputation of Shandong men are very manly, very good tops.

So we arranged to meet in the afternoon at his place when his roommates are out for work.

I managed to find his place. He opened the door. Surprise, he's older than me and I knew him from Shogun. 

 

Super, super awkward since I'm also myself not what he thought I was. But he's a bigger liar. He's not a top but showed me the toys that he want to play with me. 

 

Also not many toys like he exaggerated. He wanted me to try but I'm in no mood. We just teased each other with the toys. Then we gossiped about Shogun. Oh, that's where he get the information from the Chinaman he met there about Shandong, to fool me.

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the world of deception. 

[Steve5380]

On 6/24/2020 at 5:21 AM, Guest jjlin said:

I think this is a specific SG thing. It puzzles me also, esp as I look quite typical Sg Chn.

I've never seen it asked in other countries I've been to.

 

Maybe on some levels, it reflects Singapore today. So many foreigners that it becomes the norm to ask one's origin, even in a random hookup scenario.

Crazy!

 

 

I think it is a natural consequence of living in a very small country,  where "local" is a small number of people.

In America one seldom gets asked if one is "local", meaning American,  but of what state and city one is from.

[doncoin]

@Run when you use an expression such as "y'all" it is very Southern, so people might wonder. 

[lean n mean]

We are in a rapid pace world where we expect quick information at our finger tips to enable us to make quick decisions in a very pragmatic world. So just like vital info about age, height, weight, top/bottom, where you are from would also be a basic nugget for us to immediately process, especially in Singapore where there are so many non-citizens by birth. 

Edited June 25, 2020 by lean n mean

[upshot]

A social media typing mentality of fast, short line of text and just give me the bottom line answer stop telling me long stories... and that's where all the damn shit is now happening the world over. Sad.

 

When you stop taking the time to learn and know the context and deliberate on matters sometime at a slower pace, the real answer slips you. Mistakes are made. War is started.

Edited June 26, 2020 by upshot

[suckmegood]

Some, its a attraction preference.

Some, just trying to make a conversation.

Some, just trying to fill up the awkward silence.

 

Stop over thinking. If you don't want to continue the conversation, just swipe away and go to the next in line.

[repressednerd]

I remember I was asked by a hunkle at TMC if I wasn't local. I asked him why he thought so, and he said locals won't enjoy walking around naked at the roof top. 

 

On the other hand, when I'm in KL, I find it hard to disprove I'm not local until I use specific slang to Singapore. At the sauna, some people hug me tightly, saying they like Malaysian guys. Grab drivers insist on continuing to speak in Malay to me despite answering back in English. Even some Malaysians asked me to give directions at KL Sentral...

[yuquidam]

Oh my...I just asked a member who pm me 2 days ago if he was from such and such a country. I asked bcos his profile pic looks cutely non-local, and I was keen to know him more, having been to his country before. Good thing he didn't take it negatively and we had a good chat. 

 

I suppose how we ask it and when we ask it are important so as not to be misunderstood.

Edited August 19, 2020 by yuquidam

[yuquidam]

On 6/27/2020 at 1:23 AM, repressednerd said:

I remember I was asked by a hunkle at TMC . ...Even some Malaysians asked me to give directions at KL Sentral...

NICE. That means you have an international look  and appeal.

[yuquidam]

On 6/26/2020 at 10:58 PM, suckmegood said:

Some, its a attraction preference.

Some, just trying to make a conversation.

Some, just trying to fill up the awkward silence.

 

Stop over thinking. If you don't want to continue the conversation, just swipe away and go to the next in line.

Some, just testing water if it's a potential sugar daddy catch..LOL

Edited August 19, 2020 by yuquidam

[Guest guest]

Try playing with the person and answer you are not local if you are truly local. See how the person's attitude changes towards you than if you confirmed you are a local.

[Guest Guest]

Actually this is a practical question. If I am seeking a find a relationship to settle down and NOT fun, I would want to know if he is local. If he is not, will he be a citizen in future.

 

As someone said earlier, you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so why should I suffer the heartbreak when he choose to go back to his own country eventually?

 

If seeking fun, no one will bother if you are local or not as long as you are good looking, muscular, cute, etc.

[LeanMature]

Asking this is normal when seeking NSA fun.  Some prefer to have it with non-locals. 

[Guest Derry]

Go glocal!

[Guest Relax lah]

On 6/24/2020 at 1:25 PM, Run said:

Can't understand why guys here love asking that question so much. Like, if you already like how the other guy looks and has no language barrier with him, why should him being local or not matter so much?

 

I understand maybe some guys are worried that there may be cultural barriers or not much common topics to talk about, but perhaps try to engage a bit more to see if y'all connect before stopping the convo just cause the other guy is not local? If you realize after a while that you can't connect culturally or emotionally with him, then ok fair enough.

 

For me, I've been living here for close to 20 years. Been a citizen for 10 years. I basically grew up in SG society (attended local schls, served NS, went to local uni). Does that make me less of a Singaporean or less local??

 

Feels like for all the talk about equality and non-discrimination we preach to the straights every year during Pink Dot or what, we as a community just can't seem to stop discriminating each other over such trivial matters.

 

My advice to you is: Don't take it serious.

 

Some people here think engaging in sex with locals is less risky, because they think all locals are honest, law abiding and faithful people but non locals...

until they are catfished, items stolen from their place during meeting a local, money taken out of the wallet during the pre-sex shower or experiencing other bad things with a local.... Life is a lesson....

 

Some guys are not open to date any non local because of a potential culture shock, misunderstandings or communicative issues, such as not communicating in Singlish lah.

 

The last groups of locals would never meet up for a sex date with any non local because the non local could not give advice on the direct way home, the proper bus without need to change the bus on the trip going back, the shortest trip to the nearest MRT station or to answer where to find the cheapest hawker food nearby after the fun part or whether any shop nearby has a 1 for 1 promotion.

 

There is another negligible amount of locals who would never date any non local guy because only local guys are aware of safe sex practices and locals never indulge into risky behaviour... but non locals always do...

 

A tiny minority of locals are only up to date other locals because after the sex part they can share their hardships from their NS past... what is not possible if you date a non-local.

 

That sums it up...

 

 

🤣

 

[Guest kaypoh]

On 3/2/2021 at 7:00 PM, Guest Guest said:

Actually this is a practical question. If I am seeking a find a relationship to settle down and NOT fun, I would want to know if he is local. If he is not, will he be a citizen in future.

 

As someone said earlier, you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so why should I suffer the heartbreak when he choose to go back to his own country eventually?

 

If seeking fun, no one will bother if you are local or not as long as you are good looking, muscular, cute, etc.

errr....

the issue is all the time being asked even though it is purely for fun. (grindr)

that's why make me roll my eyes

[Guest how?]

Better to know and lay down future misunderstanding.  Imagine one day you go overseas honeymooning with your loves one and he realised you carry a different color passport instead of a red one.  Then how?

[Steve5380]

On 3/2/2021 at 2:00 AM, Guest Guest said:

 

As someone said earlier, you're not local that means you're going to leave the country one day so why should I suffer the heartbreak when he choose to go back to his own country eventually?

 

 

But this can also work in your favor. If your bond with the non-local is strong,  when he returns to his country it could be an opportunity for you to step out of your island.

 

I can imagine Americans who feel like I do and find their soul mate in SG,  they could offer you to return and petition you as a lover he wants to marry and settle in the US.  I know several Americans who petitioned Asian girls and brought them to the US to marry them.  Only recently we can do the same with our male partners. 

 

Or, if the bond is not so strong to marry and follow,  it could be valuable to have a good friend in a foreign country to visit periodically for vacation.

[Guest Right?]

3 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

I can imagine Americans who feel like I do and find their soul mate in SG,  they could offer you to return and petition you as a lover he wants to marry and settle in the US.  Only recently we can do the same with our male partners. 

 

 

Tell me, you are kidding. Right?  What if, I get bullied in American for finding a job, staying there, trying to make friends...etc or since I am very talented and ended up as Hollywood star, I still won't be popular. Right?   I will be ostracised and eventually force to return to Asia where my color belongs. Right?  TS is probably right to check on nationality before making a decision.  Don't you think so?