Guest Louie Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GachiMuchi Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 Your father may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Depression after being bed ridden. You might want to have him seek professional help. You might want to call https://www.sos.org.sg/ Usually, those who keeps talking about suicide is already seeking attention and when the time is right, they might take their own life. 1. Have someone, e.g. family members, care give, etc. to watch over them at all times. 2. Install surveillance cameras if necessary for safety. 3. Seek professional help, e.g. counseling or mental assessment to assess the level of depression and get medication to if possible. 4. Constantly give assurance and attention when they spiral into one of their emotional outburst, etc. 5. It would be stressful for care givers if they are not trained on the care of such family members. You might want to attend course for care giver and or get someone who can provide care. Quote http://gachimuchi2008.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 Make sure that your father is not in pain, and this causes his wish to die. If it is a spiritual thing, he may feel that he is a burden to you and your bf, and he wants you to be free of this burden. If this is the case, explain to him that you would be completely devastated without him, and you want him at your side forever. Maybe he feels worthless being inactive, being a burden, good for nothing. If this is the case, and depending on many factors like his age, maybe you can prevent him from feeling this way, either explaining that he is at an age where he fulfilled his duty and he does not need to make an income, that he is taken care and only needs to do what he likes to do, or you may find chores for him that can make him feel useful. Ng Ngai Lam and Adrius90 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bright Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 4 hours ago, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. If you are unable to cope, you should immediately seek professional assistance to help him and also yourself. Best wishes https://www.msf.gov.sg/maintenanceofparents/Pages/HelplinesforElderlyIssues.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FattChoy Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) I was first told by my elder brother that he wanted to die about ten years back. I felt that I was held captive by his threats, up to a point where I stopped saying anything bad about him because I was very worried that anything I said might push him over the edge. For more than a decade, I totally hated our relationship from then on. I hated his negativity and toxicness. One day in our siblings chat with our sister too, I shared a news article about a local tragedy. He responded by saying, "Oh if this happens to me, please make sure the hospital pull the plug on my lifeline and get me cremated and spread my ashes over, blah blah blah". That was the final time I put up with his sickening self pitying shit. I told him, "I absolutely want nothing to do with your death in any way. If you are dying or is found dead, I'll make sure your 10 year old daughter handles everything, from calling the cops to identifying your dead body, to picking up the remnants of your bones from your pile of cremated ashes during the funeral services" He was shocked and angry, but since then I heard not a peep from him complaining about wanting to kill himself. (At least not to me). He's still alive but in bad shape physically and mentally and that's because he doesn't want to take care of himself. As for me, I'm in the best shape of my life and happier since I'm no longer captive by his idiotic statements. I still don't criticise him, but I don't entertain his one-man pity party shit anymore. If anything I believe he should complain to our parents, since they're the ones who brought him to his world and raised him bad. If people really want to go so bad, they should do so without disturbing those who wanna live. That's my opinion. Edited May 4, 2021 by FattChoy silverguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kys0n Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 38 minutes ago, FattChoy said: I was first told by my elder brother that he wanted to die about ten years back. I felt that I was held captive by his threats, up to a point where I stopped saying anything bad about him because I was very worried that anything I said might push him over the edge. For more than a decade, I totally hated our relationship from then on. I hated his negativity and toxicness. One day in our siblings chat with our sister too, I shared a news article about a local tragedy. He responded by saying, "Oh if this happens to me, please make sure the hospital pull the plug on my lifeline and get me cremated and spread my ashes over, blah blah blah". That was the final time I put up with his sickening self pitying shit. I told him, "I absolutely want nothing to do with your death in any way. If you are dying or is found dead, I'll make sure your 10 year old daughter handles everything, from calling the cops to identifying your dead body, to picking up the remnants of your bones from your pile of cremated ashes during the funeral services" He was shocked and angry, but since then I heard not a peep from him complaining about wanting to kill himself. (At least not to me). He's still alive but in bad shape physically and mentally and that's because he doesn't want to take care of himself. As for me, I'm in the best shape of my life and happier since I'm no longer captive by his idiotic statements. I still don't criticise him, but I don't entertain his one-man pity party shit anymore. If anything I believe he should complain to our parents, since they're the ones who brought him to his world and raised him bad. If people really want to go so bad, they should do so without disturbing those who wanna live. That's my opinion. When you elder brother first told you about his desires to die, besides being felt captive to his threats, what other emotions did you feel? What other actions did you take besides not mentioning anything negative about him in conversation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Death is normal Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 Sometimes I wonder about death too. And I'm not that old. Actually, what's so bad about death? Everyone dies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Past Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 6 hours ago, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. It happens when a person is constantly in physical pain. Seeking death for them is the easiest route. However, such pyschological instability can easily be countered with feeding them good foods. Foods that they crave to eat. Entertaintment programmes, like world cup soccer...etc or buy them thick newspaper to read to past time. I had been there watching my dad deteroriate from final stage prostate cancer. After treatment, he became weak, unable to walk and constantly in pain due to gout, uric acids and low blood counts. His joints started to deform, from fingers, arms and legs. However he was strong. He watched korean or taiwanese drama to pass time. Though the doctor told the family not to feed him with outside food, my dad would constantly crave for Nasi Lemak, Laksa, fried Kway teow which we tried to accomodate his request even though those foods may aggravate his pain. If you don't give it to him, he will have "suicidal" thought. Most importantly, talk to him whenever you are in his presence, people like them love to hear motivation conversations eg, something that mentioned they will be back to their good health again or the doctor has just prescribed certain medicines to cure certain ailments. Also cut down on regular unnecessary hospital visits, which help to save cost and prevent your elderly from getting nervous under those environment. Anyway, my dad had already passed peacefully, in his riped age, under years of prolonged care by his gay son and his final meal was Nasi Lemak. I can still remember, he looked a me for the last time before going to heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutejack Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, FattChoy said: I was first told by my elder brother that he wanted to die about ten years back. I felt that I was held captive by his threats, up to a point where I stopped saying anything bad about him because I was very worried that anything I said might push him over the edge. For more than a decade, I totally hated our relationship from then on. I hated his negativity and toxicness. One day in our siblings chat with our sister too, I shared a news article about a local tragedy. He responded by saying, "Oh if this happens to me, please make sure the hospital pull the plug on my lifeline and get me cremated and spread my ashes over, blah blah blah". That was the final time I put up with his sickening self pitying shit. I told him, "I absolutely want nothing to do with your death in any way. If you are dying or is found dead, I'll make sure your 10 year old daughter handles everything, from calling the cops to identifying your dead body, to picking up the remnants of your bones from your pile of cremated ashes during the funeral services" He was shocked and angry, but since then I heard not a peep from him complaining about wanting to kill himself. (At least not to me). He's still alive but in bad shape physically and mentally and that's because he doesn't want to take care of himself. As for me, I'm in the best shape of my life and happier since I'm no longer captive by his idiotic statements. I still don't criticise him, but I don't entertain his one-man pity party shit anymore. If anything I believe he should complain to our parents, since they're the ones who brought him to his world and raised him bad. If people really want to go so bad, they should do so without disturbing those who wanna live. That's my opinion. How could you say that? Time change life can change too. Don't think u can be like this forever. Anything can happen within a second. As a son, sibling or whatever, pls give moral support to each other. The person can repeat their statement or seek attention, u can be firm n at the same time console them but not hate or think highly of urself. That doesn't gonna help the person in trouble especially our blood relations. Sometime, I would think that if I'm damn rich n well off, I would spend my time keep others whoever they are, in comfort or spend time chatting with them, console them. U know what, hugs n kind words can keep one healthier n live longer. The negativity rises when one stays alone n helpless. Let's be useful n benefit others in life. No loss or gain for us by doing so. Edited May 4, 2021 by cutejack And then, Steve5380, randomuse and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jillion Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 1 minute ago, cutejack said: How could you say that? Time change life can change too. Don't think u can be like this forever. Anything can happen within a second. As a son, sibling or whatever, pls give moral support to each other. The person can repeat their statement or seek attention, u can be firm n at the same time console them but not hate or think highly of urself. That doesn't gonna help the person in trouble especially our blood relationship. Sometime, I would think that if I'm damn rich n well off, I would spend my time keep others whoever they are, in comfort or spend time chatting with them, console them. U know what, hugs n kind words can keep one healthy n live longer. The negativity rises when one stays alone n helpless. Let's be useful n benefit others in life. No loss or gain for us. For this, I give you a kiss 😘 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutejack Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 Just now, Guest Jillion said: For this, I give you a kiss 😘 Thanks. Pls circulate love without expectation. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyboard Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 I would be so sad if my parents say that to me. It would be easier if they can articulate why they say or have such thoughts. Open communication, chat on different days or bring up so-and-so who also had a fall and bridge the topic. Most people are dumb and don't know why/what is going on with their body to understand and what they need, so it turns out to be a nuisance to others. As for the brother post, my empathy with you. We can't choose our family but we at times have to choose to ignore their existence. Negativity or stubbornness is inbuilt. External forces can't affect the person in question when they are not enlightened or ready for change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pubic01 Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 3 hours ago, Guest The Past said: It happens when a person is constantly in physical pain. Seeking death for them is the easiest route. However, such pyschological instability can easily be countered with feeding them good foods. Foods that they crave to eat. Entertaintment programmes, like world cup soccer...etc or buy them thick newspaper to read to past time. I had been there watching my dad deteroriate from final stage prostate cancer. After treatment, he became weak, unable to walk and constantly in pain due to gout, uric acids and low blood counts. His joints started to deform, from fingers, arms and legs. However he was strong. He watched korean or taiwanese drama to pass time. Though the doctor told the family not to feed him with outside food, my dad would constantly crave for Nasi Lemak, Laksa, fried Kway teow which we tried to accomodate his request even though those foods may aggravate his pain. If you don't give it to him, he will have "suicidal" thought. Most importantly, talk to him whenever you are in his presence, people like them love to hear motivation conversations eg, something that mentioned they will be back to their good health again or the doctor has just prescribed certain medicines to cure certain ailments. Also cut down on regular unnecessary hospital visits, which help to save cost and prevent your elderly from getting nervous under those environment. Anyway, my dad had already passed peacefully, in his riped age, under years of prolonged care by his gay son and his final meal was Nasi Lemak. I can still remember, he looked a me for the last time before going to heaven. Your papa is now freed (“graduated”) from physical pains and he continues to live forever in spirit in your heart and you know that. Your deep connection and love for each other is really precious, and that itself makes life all the more worthy to be lived well and to eventually depart well. (It’s so important to have proper goodbyes .. some folks didn’t get the chance.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
single42 Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 well.. my grandma (my old man's mum) who is a mistress said she wanted to die ever since i was a kid till now.. she's in her late 90s, she's having demntia, senile, plus my old man & my mum is taking care of her.. everyday eat & sleep, happy go lucky.. at least ur dad had move on.. be happy for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolbriz Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 13 hours ago, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. Hi, your dad has your interest at heart. The fact that he bears such thought suggests that he doesn’t want to be of a burden to you. You are a good son too for the feeling you had for your dad. You got to reassure him that he will not be a burden to you and encourage him to fight on so he won’t give up any hope. All the best! FIRE2020 1 Quote Be cool, like a breeze... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FIRE2020 Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 Hi, Sorry to hear that but you are not alone. There is many such cases around. I think the most important things to do is slowly speak with him and made him understand how fortunate for being alive. Ask him to appreciate his remaining days enjoy foods, things that he like to do so. Life is short! Everyone will come to an end including the richest person in the world. While alive he need to enjoy it while it lasts. I used this on my mom whenever she was feeling down and she seems responsive and behave more positively. Sometimes it always crosses my mind what is the meaning of life. Being PLU it is even harder to appreciate it. Luckily, I have nieces and nephew who spent their day time after school at my place to keep my mom company. Even though I don't have my own kids, when I look at my nieces and nephew, I felt that they are the future of my family where the future belong to them. Somethings to look forward to rather just work and leave each day. I hope your dad will be more positive in days to come. Good Luck! Dart 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auscent Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 Try your best to cheer him up. But he has responsibility to look after himself. You can only do so much. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyboard Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 On/off when the topic of death comes up. The go to line for my folks and relatives will be. In Singapore, you want to die also cannot die, no choice. When you don't want to die, time up also have to go. Sometimes matter of factly does the trick just nice. It's something beyond you and I, or whoever but the one that reply it's up to God, I say, you don't talk to me, go talk to your God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlippantMount Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 We can try and empathise to see where someone is coming from. Open communication is key to a healthy and good relationship. However, if it is a recurring theme that it is obvious the person is toxic, lacks accountability, lack emotional maturity, neurotic or just loves complaining, then, for the sake of your own sanity and health, minimise contact. Otherwise, set boundaries and expectation. Show that you are the better, more mature person and move on. Just my 2cents. Ng Ngai Lam 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 19 hours ago, Guest The Past said: Anyway, my dad had already passed peacefully, in his riped age, under years of prolonged care by his gay son and his final meal was Nasi Lemak. I can still remember, he looked a me for the last time before going to heaven. You were the perfect son and your father surely took your image with him in his last glance. Now he is most probably your Guardian Angel. 18 hours ago, cutejack said: Sometime, I would think that if I'm damn rich n well off, I would spend my time keep others whoever they are, in comfort or spend time chatting with them, console them. U know what, hugs n kind words can keep one healthier n live longer. The negativity rises when one stays alone n helpless. Let's be useful n benefit others in life. No loss or gain for us by doing so. You deserve to be as rich as Bill Gates and have the satisfaction to do all the charity work he is doing to millions in need. Maybe this is why he is always smiling, even after facing the divorce from his wife. (or maybe smiling even more because of it?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Past Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Steve5380 said: You were the perfect son and your father surely took your image with him in his last glance. Now he is most probably your Guardian Angel. I am not sure about the Guardian Angel part. He has never guarded me when he was alive. I think he has forgotten us by now and I will try to never remember about his past too. I see myself as having performed my duty as a gay son and that's about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Guest The Past said: I am not sure about the Guardian Angel part. He has never guarded me when he was alive. I think he has forgotten us by now and I will try to never remember about his past too. I see myself as having performed my duty as a gay son and that's about it. But you mentioned that he went to heaven. People change after certain events, and death is a serious event. He may now realize that he should have guarded you more, and he is willing to make up for that now. And you can change past events in your mind too, making them more positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Past Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 50 minutes ago, Steve5380 said: But you mentioned that he went to heaven. Because his gay son is a Christian and thus God showed favour to the father too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 2 minutes ago, Guest The Past said: Because his gay son is a Christian and thus God showed favour to the father too. If God did it, maybe you can too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironrod Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 2:57 AM, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. I used Buddhism to educate my mom when she has stage 3 cancer. I let my mom be responsible of her own life and let her understand every action what will be the price to pay eventually. Give him wisdom, even if he chose to believe in higher power for comfort, let him find his own spiritual path. That's why wisdom is very important when we get old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clueless Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 11 hours ago, Ironrod said: I used Buddhism to educate my mom when she has stage 3 cancer. I let my mom be responsible of her own life and let her understand every action what will be the price to pay eventually. You are cursing your mom? I didn't know Buddhism has such teaching wisdom. In all honesty, I have seen many evil people thrives in their lives and it flows to their next generations and more generations. Whereas good people, seems to be falling behind the curve and never return to their sanity again. How does Karma work, I have no clue. Your mom getting sick does not guarantee that she has absorbed all the karma and you, once reached her age, will be spared from the pain of mortality. I come to realise, everything that happened, has to do with the understanding of science. Religion is merely, spiritual comfort and that's that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FattChoy Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 14 minutes ago, Guest Clueless said: You are cursing your mom? I didn't know Buddhism has such teaching wisdom. In all honesty, I have seen many evil people thrives in their lives and it flows to their next generations and more generations. Whereas good people, seems to be falling behind the curve and never return to their sanity again. How does Karma work, I have no clue. Your mom getting sick does not guarantee that she has absorbed all the karma and you, once reached her age, will be spared from the pain of mortality. I come to realise, everything that happened, has to do with the understanding of science. Religion is merely, spiritual comfort and that's that. I can understand if you don't understand nor agree with karma. But why you have to start your post by stating a bs claim that he cursed his mom? Do you even know the definition of curse? Do you have trouble in reading comprehension or just willing to say anything to win? BW standards these days are ratshit, esp when it comes to Guest posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FattChoy Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 10:31 AM, cutejack said: How could you say that? Time change life can change too. Don't think u can be like this forever. Anything can happen within a second. As a son, sibling or whatever, pls give moral support to each other. The person can repeat their statement or seek attention, u can be firm n at the same time console them but not hate or think highly of urself. That doesn't gonna help the person in trouble especially our blood relations. Sometime, I would think that if I'm damn rich n well off, I would spend my time keep others whoever they are, in comfort or spend time chatting with them, console them. U know what, hugs n kind words can keep one healthier n live longer. The negativity rises when one stays alone n helpless. Let's be useful n benefit others in life. No loss or gain for us by doing so. How can I say what? Don't really know which part you're referring to. I'm not gloating because my life is currently better than his. I'm giving you a snapshot view of where our lives are at the moment which I believe are strongly correlated with the decisions that we make in life. I don't disagree with what you said about supporting each other, but it should be voluntary. If someone doesn't feel like helping another, he's not obligated to, especially when there are many non-financial costs and sacrifice involved in that option. Altruism, is noble. But it should be a choice, not compulsory. So don't expect it from everybody and don't think badly of those who don't want to be altruistic. Frankly I'm tired of excessive virtue signaling in forums. We do what we like and we don't do what we don't like That's free will, the most basic right of every individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutejack Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 Not right or wrong. I'm telling my point of view. Well, to each of his own. We are responsible for what we are doing. Don't feel like helping, then don't help. Wanna help , then help lor. I always believe that karma is a bitch ,what goes around will comes around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Super Power Guest Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 2 hours ago, FattChoy said: Frankly I'm tired of excessive virtue signaling in forums. We do what we like and we don't do what we don't like Virtuous not good to you? Who is stopping you to do what you like and don't do what you don't like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Karl Posted May 10, 2021 Report Share Posted May 10, 2021 Like our uncle who was 85 yo. He became too depressed and always wanting too die. We were also too tired of hearing it again in again. Is it legal to assist him die especially if there is a consent of everyone in the family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silverguy Posted May 10, 2021 Report Share Posted May 10, 2021 (edited) My mom also said she wants to die. That makes me very sad & once I nearly cried in front of her. She continues to say that very frequently. Fast forward, 30 years. Again she said the same thing. Doctors & psychologists all advised my siblings & myself that my mom is in depression & we need to constantly monitor & talk to her (give her the attention). I told them, that is her way of getting attention (I stop short of saying it is an emotional blackmail of she getting what she wants - self pity, attention etc). Fast forward, another 10 years. She is still saying the same thing. My family provides whatever time & material comfort we can afford to give her. She refuse to socialise with other people other than her own children. She acts like a drowning person who is ready to grab whoever one of us who goes near her. My personal opinion: I love my mom. But just like many gay mothers, she is a master of emotional manipulation. All of us are adults & have a choice. Today if she decides to end her life, I will be sad but I will respect her decision. Edited May 10, 2021 by silverguy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FattChoy Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 14 hours ago, silverguy said: My mom also said she wants to die. That makes me very sad & once I nearly cried in front of her. She continues to say that very frequently. Fast forward, 30 years. Again she said the same thing. Doctors & psychologists all advised my siblings & myself that my mom is in depression & we need to constantly monitor & talk to her (give her the attention). I told them, that is her way of getting attention (I stop short of saying it is an emotional blackmail of she getting what she wants - self pity, attention etc). Fast forward, another 10 years. She is still saying the same thing. My family provides whatever time & material comfort we can afford to give her. She refuse to socialise with other people other than her own children. She acts like a drowning person who is ready to grab whoever one of us who goes near her. My personal opinion: I love my mom. But just like many gay mothers, she is a master of emotional manipulation. All of us are adults & have a choice. Today if she decides to end her life, I will be sad but I will respect her decision. 40+ yrs of wallowing. Terrible. Really feel for you. silverguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyboard Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 18 hours ago, silverguy said: My mom also said she wants to die. That makes me very sad & once I nearly cried in front of her. She continues to say that very frequently. Fast forward, 30 years. Again she said the same thing. Doctors & psychologists all advised my siblings & myself that my mom is in depression & we need to constantly monitor & talk to her (give her the attention). I told them, that is her way of getting attention (I stop short of saying it is an emotional blackmail of she getting what she wants - self pity, attention etc). Fast forward, another 10 years. She is still saying the same thing. My family provides whatever time & material comfort we can afford to give her. She refuse to socialise with other people other than her own children. She acts like a drowning person who is ready to grab whoever one of us who goes near her. My personal opinion: I love my mom. But just like many gay mothers, she is a master of emotional manipulation. All of us are adults & have a choice. Today if she decides to end her life, I will be sad but I will respect her decision. Don't know if this is evil advice. How about bringing your mother to pet adoption and see if any fate. Pet therapy works for some people but hope it doesn't become a case of neglect/illness/abuse that end up with more problems more monetary and mentally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 5 hours ago, FattChoy said: 40+ yrs of wallowing. Terrible. Really feel for you. At least he has parents, unlike you who has to be given away to be brainwashed by your masters over your entire life. Really feel so sad for you. Terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silverguy Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 5 hours ago, keyboard said: Don't know if this is evil advice. How about bringing your mother to pet adoption and see if any fate. Pet therapy works for some people but hope it doesn't become a case of neglect/illness/abuse that end up with more problems more monetary and mentally. Thanks @keyboard& @FattChoy for the suggestion & empathy. My mom is very strong headed & she is not into animals. Thankfully, being the youngest but also as the head of the family, I am still a pretty rationale person & is not too affected by these ‘games’. I just want to share to let TS be aware that in every situation, there is a need to assess how genuine is the issue before being caught up in the guilt trap. keyboard 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Meghan the mermaid Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 On 5/10/2021 at 10:57 PM, Guest Karl said: Like our uncle who was 85 yo. He became too depressed and always wanting too die. We were also too tired of hearing it again in again. Is it legal to assist him die especially if there is a consent of everyone in the family? I don't think anywhere in the world to assist someone to take his own life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 16052021 Posted May 15, 2021 Report Share Posted May 15, 2021 On 5/13/2021 at 11:41 PM, Guest Meghan the mermaid said: I don't think anywhere in the world to assist someone to take his own life. this might be off topic from the original post but it merits a matured discussion as many people assumed that mercy killing is a bad thing. some examples for those interested: Aurelia Brouwers Mark van Dongen Elderly Lady Of course it should only be considered as a last resort. But put yourself in the shoes of some of those people I’ve listed, would you rather that option be available to you or someone you love when you/ they need it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lov_shorts Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 It is a decision made When one wants help attention or relief they will make known to the people around that sucide is an option. One who has decided to commit sucide will sat nothing on that intention and just do it. It is not an option nor a choice. It is a decision made that action and not talk. I know cos in 2018 I spent the December happily with my father. It was calm and felt like the troubles resulting from my mother's dementia had retreated. Without warning on Jan 8 2019, pre-dawn hours, the police knocked on my door. After showing my father's IC, I was told to go to confirm the identity of the corpse from whence they got the IC. Lesson learnt is if you want those who decided to die there are so much more to learn up on their psychology Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 On 5/11/2021 at 11:31 PM, silverguy said: Thanks @keyboard& @FattChoy for the suggestion & empathy. My mom is very strong headed & she is not into animals. Thankfully, being the youngest but also as the head of the family, I am still a pretty rationale person & is not too affected by these ‘games’. I just want to share to let TS be aware that in every situation, there is a need to assess how genuine is the issue before being caught up in the guilt trap. Note the choice of his words: "40 years of wallowing". @FattChoy wasn't being empathetic. On the contrary, he was being toxic and sarcastic. Why are you thanking him, and liking his post. If you cannot even read into such open sarcasm, how are yo going to handle your manipulative mother? You need to understand that there are bloody bitches in this world who deserves to be slapped across their face. And in the case of your mother, if you cannot do that, then let her be on her own and play out her own drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Homer Posted May 29, 2021 Report Share Posted May 29, 2021 On 5/16/2021 at 1:04 AM, Guest 16052021 said: this might be off topic from the original post but it merits a matured discussion as many people assumed that mercy killing is a bad thing. some examples for those interested: Aurelia Brouwers Mark van Dongen Elderly Lady Of course it should only be considered as a last resort. But put yourself in the shoes of some of those people I’ve listed, would you rather that option be available to you or someone you love when you/ they need it? It is a bad thing to do but if the one who is wanting to die ask for it to end his/her sufferings, would you do it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jeremy Posted May 30, 2021 Report Share Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 2:57 AM, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. Most likely he is being depressed. Get him medicine to calm him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Givenchi Posted May 30, 2021 Report Share Posted May 30, 2021 Mercy killing should still be not an option. No one can take life except God Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AGOGO Posted May 30, 2021 Report Share Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 2:57 AM, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. You let your bf fuck you Infront of your dad. He see one time har, won't want to die liao.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Harpied Posted June 12, 2021 Report Share Posted June 12, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 2:57 AM, Guest Louie said: After suffering from a bad fall, we brought to our home my father. My bf is ok with it. Most of the time he is happy but there are times that he is wanting to die. He said it would be better if he died already after he fell. What should I do? It crushes my heart whenever he say it. He probably has dementia and deprression. Give him antidepressant drugs and he should be ok Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yokohamajin Posted July 28, 2021 Report Share Posted July 28, 2021 I hope voluntary euthanasia could be legalized across the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gc0805 Posted July 29, 2021 Report Share Posted July 29, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 7:39 AM, FattChoy said: I was first told by my elder brother that he wanted to die about ten years back. I felt that I was held captive by his threats, up to a point where I stopped saying anything bad about him because I was very worried that anything I said might push him over the edge. For more than a decade, I totally hated our relationship from then on. I hated his negativity and toxicness. One day in our siblings chat with our sister too, I shared a news article about a local tragedy. He responded by saying, "Oh if this happens to me, please make sure the hospital pull the plug on my lifeline and get me cremated and spread my ashes over, blah blah blah". That was the final time I put up with his sickening self pitying shit. I told him, "I absolutely want nothing to do with your death in any way. If you are dying or is found dead, I'll make sure your 10 year old daughter handles everything, from calling the cops to identifying your dead body, to picking up the remnants of your bones from your pile of cremated ashes during the funeral services" He was shocked and angry, but since then I heard not a peep from him complaining about wanting to kill himself. (At least not to me). He's still alive but in bad shape physically and mentally and that's because he doesn't want to take care of himself. As for me, I'm in the best shape of my life and happier since I'm no longer captive by his idiotic statements. I still don't criticise him, but I don't entertain his one-man pity party shit anymore. If anything I believe he should complain to our parents, since they're the ones who brought him to his world and raised him bad. If people really want to go so bad, they should do so without disturbing those who wanna live. That's my opinion. ditto that 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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