Question for Married gays

[Guest whywhy]

Happy Father's Day in advance!

 

Where do you find time to work and self-upgrade, meet up with straight friends and gays, keep in shape, take care of wifey and kids, your own parents and in-laws?

 

If you are not a married guy but can't resist commenting, please declare in your post.

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 6/5/2022 at 1:22 AM, Guest whywhy said:

Happy Father's Day in advance!

 

Where do you find time to work and self-upgrade, meet up with straight friends and gays, keep in shape, take care of wifey and kids, your own parents and in-laws?

 

If you are not a married guy but can't resist commenting, please declare in your post.

 

Depends from individual to individual..

 

For me.. I cannot find time to do all these, so got to give up some stuff. Keeping in shape, and meet up with friends are the easiest, cos it only affects me and not the family.

[nate42]

On 6/5/2022 at 1:22 AM, Guest whywhy said:

Happy Father's Day in advance!

 

Where do you find time to work and self-upgrade, meet up with straight friends and gays, keep in shape, take care of wifey and kids, your own parents and in-laws?

 

If you are not a married guy but can't resist commenting, please declare in your post.

 

On 6/15/2022 at 5:03 PM, NeitherHereNorThere said:

 

Depends from individual to individual..

 

For me.. I cannot find time to do all these, so got to give up some stuff. Keeping in shape, and meet up with friends are the easiest, cos it only affects me and not the family.

 

I think it is about prioritising what is important.  Sometimes getting rid of ego.

 

I have 2 boys. Both still in school.  I love being a dad!

 

Gave up a really good career at a large organisation when my 2nd son was born, to spend more time with the family.  I attended a retreat and came to a realisation that what matters most to me is my family.  I also realised that my job then was just a means to put food on table. No matter how good a career I had, I didn't want to leave a legacy of just being a good provider. 

 

I spent some time when I was single in the US. I hear my friends (both men & women), speak fondly about their Dads; taking them for games, camping etc; doing things with them, and the life lessons their dads imparted to them. That is the kind of legacy I want to leave for my boys.  To be remembered as fondly if not more. Some of my friends are married and have children of their own.  Yet they made time for themselves to have a night out. We spent a night each week at a local bar/restaurant for Tequila nights and 50-cent Tacos along with lots of laughs.

 

I have been a freelancer for about 15 years now.  I earn almost as much as I used to as a Department Head.  I control my own time and not let time dictate my life. I have time to bring my wife to work and home most days.  I drive my sons to their school daily and often drop them off when they meet friends.  Visit Parents and in-laws once every two weeks at least and if I can't visit, I make sure I call my parents every other day if not daily.  I also have time to help out in Church and exercise 3 times a week.

 

Extra-curricular activities, such as this, is way down on my list of priorities and doesn't happen often. Time can be set aside if something interesting comes up.  If nothing bears fruit...no regrets.

So, prioritise.  Can't go wrong if you do so.

Edited June 20, 2022 by nate42

[Guest Guest]

On 6/5/2022 at 1:22 AM, Guest whywhy said:

Happy Father's Day in advance!

 

Where do you find time to work and self-upgrade, meet up with straight friends and gays, keep in shape, take care of wifey and kids, your own parents and in-laws?

 

If you are not a married guy but can't resist commenting, please declare in your post.

 

Gay and single here. 

 

I don't get it. If you are already married, Shouldn't your workload be halved instead of getting it doubled or even tripled here? What is the purpose of having a wife if she cannot even share the burden with you? Why should the Women's Charter in Singapore be so proactive to protect the supposedly "weaker gender" when they are not even doing their part to contribute to the marriage at all? Is their role only to give birth to babies? If that's the only reason for the marriage, perhaps you should look into getting a divorce soon, now that her job is done. She may have her own life, but I guess you should have yours too. 

[Guest Guest]

Aren't u puting more time to your  children than coming in to disturb the gay forum.U should block yourself in this forum that is the first thing to do .

[Guest whywhy]

On 6/20/2022 at 10:45 AM, nate42 said:

I have been a freelancer for about 15 years now.  I earn almost as much as I used to as a Department Head.

 

Just curious. Are you living in Singapore now?

 

Almost all freelancers can't make a decent living in Singapore as clients will low ball them all the way to rock bottom.

[Steve5380]

On 6/19/2022 at 10:54 PM, Guest Guest said:

Aren't u puting more time to your  children than coming in to disturb the gay forum.U should block yourself in this forum that is the first thing to do .

 

It is very probable that he sees you as a spoiled child,  disruptive, nasty, ugly, but because of a deep trauma you have suffered that affects your whole life.

 

So he sees this, and he wants to participate in this forum in hopes that something he writes can be of help to you and to others with similar problems.

[nate42]

On 6/20/2022 at 7:55 PM, Guest whywhy said:

 

Just curious. Are you living in Singapore now?

 

Almost all freelancers can't make a decent living in Singapore as clients will low ball them all the way to rock bottom.

 

Yes.  I am still in Singapore.

 

I guess I have longevity as a freelancer as I have made myself relevant by expanding my skillset over the years.  Even upgrading my educational qualifications.  Got my Masters 3 years ago. This has made me more versatile and more attractive to institutions I approach.  I tend not to put all my eggs in one basket.  One or two may pay me lower rates.  As a freelancer, time is the key condition. Not the rate.  If I don't take up the assignment because of the rate, and yet I am available, then I am passing up the opportunity to earn the income.  It is income that will help reduce my expenses.

 

Hope this helps put it in perspective.

Edited June 21, 2022 by nate42

[Guest whywhy]

On 6/21/2022 at 2:30 PM, nate42 said:

 

Yes.  I am still in Singapore.

 

I guess I have longevity as a freelancer as I have made myself relevant by expanding my skillset over the years.  Even upgrading my educational qualifications.  Got my Masters 3 years ago. This has made me more versatile and more attractive to institutions I approach.  I tend not to put all my eggs in one basket.  One or two may pay me lower rates.  As a freelancer, time is the key condition. Not the rate.  If I don't take up the assignment because of the rate, and yet I am available, then I am passing up the opportunity to earn the income.  It is income that will help reduce my expenses.

 

Hope this helps put it in perspective.

 

What freelance job are you doing may I ask?

[nate42]

On 6/23/2022 at 8:43 AM, Guest whywhy said:

 

What freelance job are you doing may I ask?

 

Am in the training industry.

[M4L4Y]

This may sound cliche... but time management does helps a lot. Both me & wife working... in-laws staying with us hence taking care of the little one. Once both of us reached home... we will take over the duty & do all the house work necessary. We divide our chores so all of us can have dinner together. If she's meeting her girlfriends only than i'll arrange to meet my buddies!!! The little one will be taken care by my in-laws. Sometimes when there's a need to meet my buddies, she'll be at home taking care of the little one or vice versa. We don't really socialise much. Its only within same circles of friends.

 

No alone time, self-care or playtime once at home... its all about family.

 

Here in this forum... only access at work when free. Meeting anyone here would be over lunch... so much offer but only taken up a few. 😊😊😊

[Guest Guest]

Why the straight people coming  to gay forum and asking gay people who are not married and have no experience in handling  married problem.This give unnecessary stress to gay who suppose to be happy go lucky.

[gucici]

Before having kids, sex. 

After having kids, blowjobs. 

[singalion]

On 6/20/2022 at 10:45 AM, nate42 said:

I have been a freelancer for about 15 years now.  I earn almost as much as I used to as a Department Head.  I control my own time and not let time dictate my life. I have time to bring my wife to work and home most days.  I drive my sons to their school daily and often drop them off when they meet friends.  Visit Parents and in-laws once every two weeks at least and if I can't visit, I make sure I call my parents every other day if not daily.  I also have time to help out in Church and exercise 3 times a week.

 

Not sure if we shouldn't take this with a pinch of salt.

 

Freelance would depend if you can select your contract arrangements or whether you have the ability to reject projects. it depends also if you freelance for one partner or for various.

The sacrifice comes mostly that you end up working when other people watch tv or socialise, meaning after dinner.

When I look at the response times for projects nowadays and don't see that you would be free of controlling your own time and not letting "work" dictate you life.

Unless your freelance work is not highly sought, then you may be in a position to control your own time.

Considering most freelancer though, I consider it as a myth.

 

While employment means a certain lead work time ( 8 - 6) the only advantage the freelancer may have is a 45 mins nap at home in the afternoon and eventually saving traveling time to office and back home.

[Guest Guest]

On 6/23/2022 at 2:26 PM, singalion said:

 

Not sure if we shouldn't take this with a pinch of salt.

 

Freelance would depend if you can select your contract arrangements or whether you have the ability to reject projects. it depends also if you freelance for one partner or for various.

The sacrifice comes mostly that you end up working when other people watch tv or socialise, meaning after dinner.

When I look at the response times for projects nowadays and don't see that you would be free of controlling your own time and not letting "work" dictate you life.

Unless your freelance work is not highly sought, then you may be in a position to control your own time.

Considering most freelancer though, I consider it as a myth.

 

While employment means a certain lead work time ( 8 - 6) the only advantage the freelancer may have is a 45 mins nap at home in the afternoon and eventually saving traveling time to office and back home.

 

Freelance and "you end up working when other people watch tv or socialise, meaning after dinner"??

 

Do you even know what freelancing means? Do you know what it is all about? Or are you here on this thread trying to pretend to be a know-it-all here, after you have embarrassed yourself enough of being the notorious know-nothing liar on other threads? 

[Guest Guest]

On 6/23/2022 at 1:52 PM, Guest Guest said:

Why the straight people coming  to gay forum and asking gay people who are not married and have no experience in handling  married problem.This give unnecessary stress to gay who suppose to be happy go lucky.

 

Not true leh. After I see them getting so stressed up, I am now happier that I am gay. 😋

[Guest Good]

On 6/23/2022 at 1:00 PM, Since u r here said:

gd Daddy!
but how do you settle your other (Sexual)needs ? 
they said after having child, the sex with wifey will drop drastically (became 3-4 times per mth or even once every 2mths?)

i just saw an intvw video on fb, but it is in mandarin

 

You really want to hear the ANSWER?

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 6/23/2022 at 1:00 PM, Since u r here said:

gd Daddy!
but how do you settle your other (Sexual)needs ? 
they said after having child, the sex with wifey will drop drastically (became 3-4 times per mth or even once every 2mths?)

i just saw an intvw video on fb, but it is in mandarin

Again.. depends on individual to individual..

 

Sex with wife largely remains the same before and after kids, just not as spontaneous as before. Timing is "fixed", place is "fixed", and ensure door is locked etc. More restrictions only in my case.

 

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 6/24/2022 at 1:22 PM, Since u r here said:

tks for sharing! yah those videos as well as those taiwan variety shows on such topics, some parents mentioned cos they zzzzz w their kids too so........so very restrictive

but how about your bisexual needs w males? will they b reduced since u r much busier?

Naturally time is much more restrictive, also have to find excuses to sneak out, or taking half day off from work loh

[nate42]

On 6/5/2022 at 1:22 AM, Guest whywhy said:

Happy Father's Day in advance!

 

Where do you find time to work and self-upgrade, meet up with straight friends and gays, keep in shape, take care of wifey and kids, your own parents and in-laws?

 

If you are not a married guy but can't resist commenting, please declare in your post.

 

My sharing is probably getting a little lost in translation...LOL.  Am not suggesting everyone go into freelance work. Was just sharing how I dealt with the question (asked by #Guest whywhy) as a fellow married (and bisexual) guy.  Isn't what this forum is all about?  Sharing of ideas so that we can learn from others' experiences?  Over the years, I have learned from other married men, on how they deal with the challenges in their lives.  Everyone's challenges and objectives are different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.  We can only learn from others and adapt to suit our situation.  Like #NeitherHereNorThere said, it differs from individual to individual.

 

For me, making time for my family was most important.  And I made changes to my life to meet my objective.  I went into freelance, which may not be applicable to everyone.  Another may be able to achieve their objective by finding another job, or another company with better work-life balance policies, or even spend fewer hours at work. 

 

Hope this clarifies...

Edited June 27, 2022 by nate42

[gucici]

Helper send kids to sch

8am - I can Jog or take a walk in morning to buy a coffee. 

9.30am prepare to go work

Lunch time can go gym. 

At night 10om can do a night run. 

Sunday night meet friends for basketball. 

[gucici]

On 6/27/2022 at 10:39 PM, Since u r here said:

Wow basketball!!!

 

 

Yes. Basketball can keep anyone in shape. It is like a high intensity workout. 

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 6/23/2022 at 1:55 PM, gucici said:

Before having kids, sex. 

After having kids, blowjobs. 

Wah... Envy lol..

 

I like BJ better than sex

[gucici]

On 6/28/2022 at 10:14 AM, NeitherHereNorThere said:

Wah... Envy lol..

 

I like BJ better than sex

Hahaha. No la. Dun like pubes stuck to my teeth. 

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 6/28/2022 at 12:22 PM, gucici said:

Hahaha. No la. Dun like pubes stuck to my teeth. 

Oops.. I thought you received BJ? 😝

 

On 6/28/2022 at 12:28 PM, Since u r here said:

is that cos your wife provides u the sex

the guys provide better bj?

Lucky u! best of both world

Can all daddies share some differences between  sex w Ladies v men？Last longer or about the same?

we r clueless!!!

My opinion, guys do a better job at blowing.. some guys can really blow for a long time..

[nate42]

On 6/28/2022 at 12:28 PM, Since u r here said:

is that cos your wife provides u the sex

the guys provide better bj?

Lucky u! best of both world

Can all daddies share some differences between  sex w Ladies v men？Last longer or about the same?

we r clueless!!!

 

On 6/28/2022 at 2:55 PM, NeitherHereNorThere said:

Oops.. I thought you received BJ? 😝

 

My opinion, guys do a better job at blowing.. some guys can really blow for a long time..

 

Certain things are different. In my opinion, i find sex with women is more tender and slower.  Hence, last longer.  There is more foreplay. 

 

With guys, there is more aggression.  Quicker.  Adrenaline overload. 

 

For us married guys, sex has become routine.  There is a schedule due to our busy lifestyles.  Every Friday night or Saturday, like clockwork.  Having sex spontaneously occurs when we go on vacations without the kids.  And that is a fantasy in itself...LOL!!

 

Like #NeitherHereNorThere said, men do BJs better.  Something, not many women do.  Especially Asian women.

 

Sometimes we just want something different.

[NeitherHereNorThere]

With women, the tenderness and slower sex is very romantic. Too rough, the lady may bleed from the friction, too much lube, you won't feel a thing. All things have to be balanced.

 

With men, the hole is much tighter (even for loose holes, still tighter than virgina), lube to be applied generously. Hole position is lower also, so have to lift up higher. And I guess, the feeling of dominance of the top is stronger as well, given that he is fucking another male

[M4L4Y]

On 6/23/2022 at 1:00 PM, Since u r here said:

gd Daddy!
but how do you settle your other (Sexual)needs ? 
they said after having child, the sex with wifey will drop drastically (became 3-4 times per mth or even once every 2mths?)

i just saw an intvw video on fb, but it is in mandarin

Yes... true for my case too. Sex with wife would be significantly reduce... its not that we do not want but its just to tiring!!! Sometimes we tease each other give those sexy signals but it never happen because the kid/parents is around. If it happens, it happened. Even when planned... sometimes we fall asleep first before the kid so again... it all depends.

[M4L4Y]

On 7/13/2022 at 1:20 PM, Since u r here said:

oh , ok tks for sharing?
if your kids are manageable, would it be ez to just lock your bedrm and ignore the rest (leave them outside) if your flat accomodates that 

 

I guess but not at this moment where they tend to roam around the house even when the cartoons are on the tele... they'll be like "mommy/daddy... where are u???"

 

🤣🤣🤣

[Guest Omg]

On 7/13/2022 at 5:52 PM, Since u r here said:

cartoons? oh they r still very toddler age

srsly, what is the point of posting drivel like this? Are you going to ask next which cartoons?! 

[G_M]

On 7/13/2022 at 5:52 PM, Since u r here said:

cartoons? oh they r still very toddler age

 

Idiot! Go out of topic again.

1 week suspension!

[gucici]

I now jog every alternate nights, hoping to keep in shape. A quick 3km run. 

[Guest surprised]

On 7/7/2022 at 10:19 AM, Since u r here said:

Noted your point but may not be…. Scattered across twitter, plenty of own made diy straight sex …. The males pumped the ladies w aggressiveness too, til many btms here would luv to b part of it, definitely! Maybe more of non husbd-wife stage yet (nowadays the younger ones regularly does it if possible, tinder here and there , at my times no such thing as fuckbuddies )

 

 

i hve 0 exp w ladies in terms of penetrative sex, those hanky panky at spa/massage shall not count

but i thk hubbies will generally wanna ensure they wont hurt their wives…so men bcame much more tender? I supposed this is what u r trying to point out 

 

i agree w u and neitherhere abt the bj too

 

Not always true. My married fuck buddy is very very submissive in bed with guys. But I've seen him with his wife and other women. A real man, a true monster. Banged the living daylights of them all. I bet he will be in super high demand if he is a top when he's with guys.

[NeitherHereNorThere]

On 7/15/2022 at 1:44 AM, Guest surprised said:

Not always true. My married fuck buddy is very very submissive in bed with guys. But I've seen him with his wife and other women. A real man, a true monster. Banged the living daylights of them all. I bet he will be in super high demand if he is a top when he's with guys.

Wow.. he's really having the best of both worlds!