Is straight looking that important?

[Guest Sissy]

2 hours ago, Sizzler said:

There are certain "norms" that one observes in public. The way the loud sissies behave (in public) falls outside my acceptable standards - so much so that I am not friends with them as I am a private person and not an attention grabber to begin with. That said, it has nothing to do with my being "ashamed" of my sexuality - I chose not to associate with them because I cannot tolerate/accept their behavior.  

 

Yet when a macho looking ang moh muscle dude bottom for an Asian twink and be a sissy for you, then suddenly it becomes hot 

[Guest Haha]

3 hours ago, Sizzler said:

There are certain "norms" that one observes in public. The way the loud sissies behave (in public) falls outside my acceptable standards - so much so that I am not friends with them as I am a private person and not an attention grabber to begin with. That said, it has nothing to do with my being "ashamed" of my sexuality - I chose not to associate with them because I cannot tolerate/accept their behavior.  

 

Maybe that's why parents disown their children for being gay. Cannot associate with the gay children and tolerate their life choices. 

[singalion]

Let's just accept that there are some gays who don't feel comfortable in public with guys that behave like girls.

Let's also accept that there some gays that want masculine manly guys as sex partners, bfs etc.

 

What I don't accept is if guys are panicking or overdoing on such attributes in fear that other people may judge them as gay.

If we go on on that front with such attitude, we will never find acceptance in society for gays.

 

Straight guys touch other guys also, give them a slap or even hug them in public.

Nobody would directly judge such behaviours as gay only or people would instantly conclude these boys must be gays.

In fact, I personally learned that in particular in Asia, other people don't tend to think that sort.

 

These guys with these issues just think a bit too much...

[Guest Bro]

7 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

Sorry .. Macho Marys are as much a turn-off as a sissy. Gays are guys who like guys .. If I want to go for a guy that acts like a girl, i might as well go for a real girl

 

Epitome of toxic masculinity. 

Get with the times. 

[singalion]

Just now, Sizzler said:

The "argument" arose because of a comment that guys who look for straight-acting guys are ashamed of their sexuality. I beg to differ .. I, for one, don't like effem sissies because of the way they behave in public .. has nothing to do with my sexuality or my feelings about my sexuality

 

I wouldn't exclude it.

I met guys on social non sexual dates and they were so scared that people could conclude that we are gays that it was already psychotic.

And for such extreme guys it is linked to a personal denial of their own sexuality, because they fear that people judge them as gays in public with all the negative connotations. They fear being associated or seen as gay. I m not talking of one incidence but plenty.

And for your info: I consider myself extremely straight acting, which means any such fear is just ridiculous.

 

There is something correct, that it is linked to your self perception and self image and can result in denying your own sexuality.

 

In my view, such guys just think too much and permit social attitudes towards gays to cloud their mind and views on their own sexuality.

 

What we should differ about is, engaging in sexual acts with more effeminate guys and attraction to more manly guys.

 

 

Just a question: If in your group of gay friends one guy behaves a bit more effeminate, then you wouldn't join your group of friends to a restaurant or cafe?

 

 

 

[singalion]

9 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

Macho Marys

 

The "Macho" refers more to certain behaviour, that is display of jealousy in public, or commanding the other part to refrain from certain attitudes.

It is more an attitude problem.

[singalion]

Just now, Sizzler said:

I could be wrong but I think Macho Marys refer to guys who are muscular but sissy (in behavior)

 

Probably yes.

 

Muscular manly men who behave effeminate .

 

But isn't that the same category as effeminate gay?

 

It is more referred to as a

 

‘Muscle Mary’

Meaning: A feminine muscular gay man

 

 

and not so much on "Macho".

 

 

[singalion]

4 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

I normally go out with my gay friends one on one .. seldom in a group. My bf does have a loud sissy in his group of friends but they party late so I hardly ever join them simply because I value my sleep more than loud music

 

What I wanted to say is that we are a gay community with different people with different attitudes and behaviours.

 

Straight groups are not that homogeneous also. In fact, some straight guys in Asia can be quite effeminate also. 

 

 

 

[singalion]

2 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

OK .. I stand corrected on my terminology

 

The "gay urban slang" seems to call it Muscle Mary.

 

[doncoin]

11 hours ago, Sizzler said:

I don't like sissies => I am toxic??? Get a life

 

 

16 hours ago, Sizzler said:

There are certain "norms" that one observes in public. The way the loud sissies behave (in public) falls outside my acceptable standards - so much so that I am not friends with them as I am a private person and not an attention grabber to begin with. That said, it has nothing to do with my being "ashamed" of my sexuality - I chose not to associate with them because I cannot tolerate/accept their behavior.  

 

 

 I don't think you are toxic. You simply do not associate with people whose public behaviors do not conform with yours or are heteronormative. Any overt display of being gay, from being a macho mary to sissy twink, or any behavior that is flamboyant, and does not comply with gender norms is unacceptable to you. It's like saying it is ok to be gay as long as you marry a woman, follow societal norms, and behave in a manner that does not make you stand out. Keep your head low and do not draw attention to yourself, be "straight-acting." Do not associate with people whose behavior will make others think that you are part of them. 

 

This has been an interesting discussion. I think we can agree to disagree and leave it at that. 

[singalion]

 

I don't think effeminate guys just meet with other effeminate guys.

 

I m from times invited to some birthday celebrations, dinner outings or other stuff with local gays. In the group is one extremely effeminate guy and one other more balanced (let's call it that way).

 

Nobody in that group has any problem. We also never had any problems in public by the restaurants staff or people around us and this at famous Chinese restaurant chains or upscale 5 star hotels.

 

While often I sighted and thought "Oh, no!" but with these guys it's always fun.

We accept all as they are. About three in the group are very straight acting.

 

Nobody around us would know who we are, what we do. We could be working as a team in a travel agency or company or anything.

 

We never faced any issues at any outlet.

 

 

Disassociating ourselves from such "effeminate" gays seems to me not inclusive at all.

 

We ask the society to accept us gays, but in our own community we stick to discrimination or rejection???

That is plain wrong and shouldn't be.

 

This has nothing to do with whom I prefer to share my bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[doncoin]

10 hours ago, singalion said:

Disassociating ourselves from such "effeminate" gays seems to me not inclusive at all.

 

We ask the society to accept us gays, but in our own community we stick to discrimination or rejection???

That is plain wrong and shouldn't be.

 

This has nothing to do with whom I prefer to share my bed.

 

I agree that it is not inclusive but as @Sizzler has shared, he does not like effeminate behavior in public and does not want to be associated with gays who behave as such. It is his right and preference. We can disagree with him, but it is his prerogative to discriminate and reject. It's not right to you and those whom he has discriminated against, but what are you going to do about it? He is not going to change his preference or tolerance or acceptance. 

 

It is like having that uncle who gets drunk at a wedding and makes a scene at the banquet. People who don't know him will be whispering and asking each other who is that drunk man? You as the family member may be embarrassed or ashamed of his behavior and just pretend you don't who he is. Nothing wrong with that. 

[FattChoy]

I don't like to be around loud gays.  

[singalion]

5 hours ago, Sizzler said:

You are digressing further and further away from your original point - you stated that people who are looking for straight looking guys are ashamed of their sexuality. My point is that I don't like effem guys (and that is my right and preference). It has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality or my feelings about it.

 

You are gay means u have to sleep with every Tom's hairy dick to show you don't discriminate or you are not ashamed  of your sexuality?

 

It seems that you are unable to differentiate between sexual attraction and social interaction, inclusiveness and non discrimination.

 

Nobody here said, that you have to sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry.

Nobody also said, that you have to entertain any sex with an effeminate gay.

 

However, I intended to point to the fact that homosexuals are asking for recognition in the society and non-discrimination.

In that sense you might be advised to apply the same factors on effeminate gay guys as they are part of the gay community.

Otherwise you ask the society for something that you yourself are not willing to do.

And that is a bit contradictory.

 

[Guest Carpish]

16 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

You totally missed the point. The point is NOT whether I am able to differentiate between sexual attraction and social interaction.

 

READ: Someone said - people who look for straight looking guys are ashamed of their own sexuality. MY POINT is .. I don't like effem guys and it has NOTHING to do wit my sexuality or my feelings about my sexuality. Carpish?

 

This just means you have some inner hidden issues. 

 

A true man. 

 

A true awesome MAN is a beast. He likes all things with a hole. Period. 

 

You my friend are weak. So you need only manly man because you feel like a man only by association. 

 

Hahaha. 

[Guest Guest]

I presume those who are always looking for men that are straight looking/acting because they didn't want relatives or friends to know (or suspect) they are gays.

 

 

 

 

[singalion]

6 hours ago, Sizzler said:

You are digressing further and further away from your original point - you stated that people who are looking for straight looking guys are ashamed of their sexuality. My point is that I don't like effem guys (and that is my right and preference). It has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality or my feelings about it.

 

But you are expressing yourself here that effeminate guys has something to do with your sexuality and feelings about it.

 

You say that you don't like effeminate guys and don't like them as a sex partner. You also stated that you dislike socially interacting with effeminate guys.

 

The issue that you fail to identify here is that you might not be ashamed of your sexual orientation, namely being gay, but that your disliking for effeminate guys has something to do with your sexuality also.

 

 

I pointed out earlier, to which you agreed, that there are some guys who look for straight acting guys, because they are ashamed of being outed as gay by others. (social interaction). Hence these guys seem to have issues in accepting their own sexuality/ sexual orientation.

In fact, they adopt negative societal views on gays and adapt these negative views on them, by thinking that homosexuality is something negative.

To avoid being connected or seen as gay in the public they prefer straight acting guys (for social interaction/ and or sexual activity) and only due to this background.

 

Your sexual rejection of effeminate guys stems on the other hand from being sexually turned down by effeminate behaviour of guys. But that is a point of sexuality also (but of different background). Nonetheless, it does not stem from any rejection of your sexuality in the sense of sexual orientation, namely being gay but sexual non attractiveness of effeminate gays to you.

 

You can't say doncoin is digressing, because he was pointing to that sexuality part of your rejection of effeminate gays.

 

I hope with my above explanations you eventually can understand where doncoin is coming from in his initial reasoning.

 

 

 

 

[singalion]

12 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

"I pointed out earlier, to which you agreed, that there are some guys who look for straight acting guys, because they are ashamed of being outed as gay by others. (social interaction)." - SHOW ME WHERE I AGREED

 

 

On 2/1/2023 at 1:57 PM, singalion said:

I wouldn't exclude it.

I met guys on social non sexual dates and they were so scared that people could conclude that we are gays that it was already psychotic.

And for such extreme guys it is linked to a personal denial of their own sexuality, because they fear that people judge them as gays in public with all the negative connotations. They fear being associated or seen as gay. I m not talking of one incidence but plenty.

And for your info: I consider myself extremely straight acting, which means any such fear is just ridiculous.

There is something correct, that it is linked to your self perception and self image and can result in denying your own sexuality.

 

In my view, such guys just think too much and permit social attitudes towards gays to cloud their mind and views on their own sexuality.

 

What we should differ about is, engaging in sexual acts with more effeminate guys and attraction to more manly guys.

 

 

 

 

On 2/1/2023 at 2:08 PM, Sizzler said:

Neither should it be all encompassing. People are entitled to their preferences - my point is that having these preferences does not necessarily mean that they are ashamed of their sexuality

 

 

[singalion]

23 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

"The issue that you fail to identify here is that you might not be ashamed of your sexual orientation, namely being gay, but that your disliking for effeminate guys has something to do with your sexuality also. " - This statement remains YOUR OPINION ONLY. Who I like or dislike IS MY RIGHT AND PEROGATIVE AND NOT FOR YOU TO JUDGE.

 

 

So you are trying to tell us your rejection of effeminate guys has nothing to do with the fact that you are simply not sexually attracted to them?

So it is nothing sexual?

 

And it is just my opinion, when it is quite evident that you are sexually not aroused by effeminate guys due to their sexual mannerisms?

 

I am just describing something. What has this to do with judging you????

 

Did I at any point say you are bad or wrong in not wanting to have sex with effeminate gay guys?

 

 

[singalion]

27 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

"In fact, they adopt negative societal views on gays and adapt these negative views on them, by thinking that homosexuality is something negative.

To avoid being connected or seen as gay in the public they prefer straight acting guys (for social interaction/ and or sexual activity) and only due to this background" - What they do or adapt is their perogative. AGAIN IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO JUDGE.

 

 

I was just describing the type of gay guys who explicitly look out for straight acting guys (who fear being recognised as gay by others in public if not with a straight acting guy).

 

Sure I am permitted to have my own view on such guys as I described. to be frank I find them ridiculous.

 

These guys (and I am not saying you, before you get it wrong again) place things into the minds of surrounding straight people that only exist in their view, namely categorising them as gay, if they are in a public place with a less straight acting gay.

 

The reality is that the surrounding public doesn't really bother or does not come to such immediate conclusion.

 

 

On 2/1/2023 at 1:57 PM, singalion said:

I met guys on social non sexual dates and they were so scared that people could conclude that we are gays that it was already psychotic.

And for such extreme guys it is linked to a personal denial of their own sexuality, because they fear that people judge them as gays in public with all the negative connotations. They fear being associated or seen as gay. I m not talking of one incidence but plenty.

And for your info: I consider myself extremely straight acting, which means any such fear is just ridiculous.

 

[singalion]

33 minutes ago, Sizzler said:

"he was pointing to that sexuality part of your rejection of effeminate gays" - WHO IS HE TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION? HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME

 

92.5% of Members here probably do not know the other...

 

From that point, we can't draw conclusions from your posts on your personality?

 

Hm, hm...

 

 

[robin]

33 minutes ago, Since u r here said:

Dont like that leh robin, lol

 

but hve u seen before gays that r still generally straight-looking?

Yes, I have seen gays who are totally straight acting & I can’t believe they are one of us. Maybe 5% of those I have met but they definitely don’t go around telling people they are straight acting 🤣 

[robin]

As much as the acceptance from the straight community requires a gradual mindset change, within the lgbtq community, it will also take time for us to accept each other. For those who think they have no problem being around effeminate guys, are you ok to be around a group of cross dressers and walking down the street & bumping into your family members or colleagues?

 

Guess we all have different threshold & that will take time to widen it 

 

 

[robin]

44 minutes ago, Since u r here said:

hmmmmm, i alwys get the same qn when i m at Saunas

 

 

I find that many times,  the more effeminate a guy is, the more straight-acting/manly guy he will be interested in. So in your case, I supposed you will be highly prized by them 😀

 

 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, Since u r here said:

Yes w my own buddies (all straight ones and married) we also laugh and tease, but it s really a diff level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that mcd's group is really fun and so "carefree"
I envied
 

I get what you mean.  When I m traveling with friends or colleagues to Japan or bkk, we can all get naked together 'comfortably' in onsen or hotel room. Usually after onsen in bkk yuno, they will joke about getting 'eye rape' by gays inside.

Conversation within them "which one?"... "neh, that one at locker"....."that one walking here and there just now" ....." so obvious keep looking at my dick! "

From this, I m sure if one know about my sexuality the out come hanging out with them will be different. 

[singalion]

6 hours ago, Sizzler said:

WHATEVER YOU CONCLUDE REMAINS YOUR OPINION ONLY - YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN OPINION AND A STATEMENT OF FACT?

 

AGAIN .. IT IS YOUR OPINION - WHICH YOU ARE ENTITLED TO AS LONG AS YOU DON'T TRY TO RAM IT DOWN OTHER PEOPLE's THROATS

 

"your disliking for effeminate guys has something to do with your sexuality also" is YOUR OPINION but you wrote it as a statement of fact (with an implied judgement on your part.)  

 

HUH?? THIS IS EVIDENCE THAT I AGREED? DID THEY TEACH U ENGLISH COMPREHENSION IN SCHOOL?

 

I don't understand why you need to get so defensive in your responses?

 

There is no real difference between "sexuality" and sexual attraction. 

 

For gays the " sexuality" ( which refers to sexual orientation) and sexual attraction is to men. 

 

While sexuality is also understood as developing sexual feelings it mainly refers to the following:

 

sexuality

Definition from Oxford Languages:

a person's identity in relation to the gender or genders to which they are typically attracted; sexual orientation.

 

 

Cambridge Dictionary

sexuality

 

the fact of someone being sexually or romantically attracted to people of a particular gender, or more than one gender

 

=> sexuality, sexual orientation and sexual attraction are intertwined under the umbrella word "sexuality". 

 

 

Your points on statement of fact, opinion, judgment seem a bit too legalistic and don't really serve anything on the topic. 

 

 

After your last response which I deem a bit too offensive I inform you honestly I m not really inclined to further discuss on this with you. 

 

 

My whole intention was to highlight the different sides on the subject of "straight acting" and the involved mindset associated with "straight acting" by gays on the issue.  Nothing else. 

 

Edited February 3, 2023 by singalion

[doncoin]

I find this discussion interesting and I think it is important because it deals with our identities as gay men. 

 

On 7/26/2022 at 6:48 AM, Guest Guest said:

Someone in Grindr posted this

 

"I m str8 looking so m looking for someone who is str8 looking too. Not into those who 1 look can tell is gay.'

 

Seriously, really got straight looking gays meh? Just curious.

 

 

 The whole point of being "straight looking/acting" is so that you don't give yourself away as a member of the LGBTQA+ community. You pass off and blend into the larger heteronormative society of Singapore so that nobody will suspect or even think of you as gay. Sure, we can argue that my sexual orientation is a personal thing, and I completely agree with that. It's nobody's business. 

 

However, per the origin of this thread, the person who posted on Grindr, "I m str8 looking so m looking for someone who is str8 looking too. Not into those who 1 look can tell is gay.'"

 

This person on Grindr posts that his requirement is that the other person has to be "str8 looking too" and not one who "1 look can tell is gay." From my POV,  it says a lot about internalised shame and projecting that shame to whoever he is seeking. It goes back to the whole guilty by association. If someone sees me with a group of gays, they will think that I am one.  It becomes this whole self-induced unfounded fear. We cannot control what other people think, nor do we know what they think. So why the concern over something you have zero control over? 

 

Being gay or being identified as gay becomes some dirty little secret. It becomes this internalized monologue, "If you cannot pass off as straight looking/acting then I do not want to associate with you because your non-straight-looking/acting behavior may reflect upon me, and other people will question if I am gay and that I behave that way too. I want nothing to do with you that will break my appearance of me being straight looking." You can rationalize by saying that loud and flamboyant behavior in men are unacceptable because men are supposed to be stoic and silent with limited emotional expressions. 

 

On the extreme end, we have some gay men who choose to marry a member of the opposite sex to further this straight looking/acting masquerade, while others monitor their own behaviours and mannerisms to conform and not draw attention to themselves. I can accept that you do what you have to do to survive and let others run your life, but don't project your shame and unfounded fears onto others.

 

My message is, you do not have to live your life based on the dictation and expectations of others. You don't have to be straight looking or acting, or be some flamboyant flaming queen. You just have to be you. 

 

Sorry if I am rambling. I am dealing with a very bad cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[yokohamajin]

13 hours ago, Since u r here said:

kkekekekekeke they kept asking me m i married?
i vowed and showed them my ring finger that i dont even wear a ring
instantly they will shoot me back that "many married uncles will still come to such places for fun and they can easily keep away their rings"
I replied so sorry i dont do such things, and if i m really married , i must be responsible to the one and only!
(easier to say now , maybe if one day i really got married, might be a diff story right?)

 

the most crucial part is i  MUST ask him , how he knew i m married, he said the way i f**ked, , so? any diff from gay tops who fucked him?
he said a huge difference!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe he was topped by married men  or straight guys, i really dont know how married /straight guys fuck a btm, i never close-shot and aim to look at a top even when watching porns)he confirmed i m really like a straight or married...............
next time i must observe how a gay top fuck

to me, to top is just to Fuck ..... i wont do much of a fanciful stuff on bed (mayb he felt i must have assumed he is a wife and my mission is just to "impregnant" him)
gays have more fun on bed? but a straight can also have fun on bed too

 

 

Your theory is 60-70% true cos i rem the ones at 10men lesss effeminate, mayb in other saunas yes

cos i really not into effeminate type but i dont mind making frens w them or hugging them (i m quite open)
there is a slim uncle i rem , he is very "normal"but the moment he opened his mouth, u knew he .............cos "straight-sounding" guys will not speak in that manner (although we are almost in total darkness area) cant see well

cannot see how his eyes moved ......

oh ya , i felt some of us really like to "gin" (a hokkien term) , they said straight guys hardly gin de

my asst mgr (she) acted infront of me our asst director (a guy married w children , but so sorry i deemed him one of us, no matter how he got married) the way he speak,the way he............
she acted how he press on the calculator to try to prove us wrongly, and he gin
the moment she re-enacted how he behave (she cursed and swear and hated it to the max)
i felt she is very opened to gays or LGBTQ, (she is married too) , just that she just hated how revengeful the asst director was........

maybe her acting skills are so good, until now i couldnt forget that scene of how gayish she acted.....& the "gin" part
 

what's "gin" if you translate to English?

[singalion]

1 hour ago, Sizzler said:

You assumed 

 

Good ... I am glad that these are your last words - remember what you say or you will prove that you are just another guy who "roti prata" and deserve all the scorn I heaped on you.

 

No sense going to the dictionary if you don't comprehend their explanation. Sexuality = sexual orientation = sexual attraction? LOL

 

You are only half right that being legalistic does not help. It does not help because it is wasted on people (like you) who cannot understand the difference between an opinion and a statement of fact. Then again, I cannot and should not expect more from someone who tells me that sexuality = sexual orientation = sexual attraction.

 

My response is INTENDED to be offensive - especially to people (like you) who don't read.

 

All what you post here is your assumption and eventually your personal opinion.

It has nothing to do with the topic of "straight acting".

 

The usage of the word "statement of fact" is failed here. We are discussing a topic in general and not on a particular person.

 

 

sexuality

Definition from Oxford Languages:

a person's identity in relation to the gender or genders to which they are typically attracted; sexual orientation.

 

 

Cambridge Dictionary

sexuality

 

the fact of someone being sexually or romantically attracted to people of a particular gender, or more than one gender

 

 

=> sexuality means the for sexual sexual attraction and sexual orientation.

 

 

The dictionaries have proven your assumptions wrong.

 

Sexuality is referring to sexual orientation and sexual attraction.

It looks more like I comprehended the word sexuality much more than you.

 

Just look at the definitions of sexuality.

 

It is futile to claim that I wrongly comprehended the word "sexuality", when the definitions make obvious that I wasn't wrong. 

 

There is nothing to add.

 

 

It seems that you are very quarrelsome and don't accept other notions that do not fit your personal view of things. if other members take your posts and discuss on them, then you relate this as a personal attack on you or being judgmental.

 

If you are unable to discuss something on BW in an appropriate well-behaved manner, then better stay away.

 

 

 

 

[singalion]

It was never the point here on whether all guys who dislike effeminate guys or being around them in social events, whether they are ashamed of their sexuality (aka sexual orientation) [oh, damn it is the same], but that there are some guys who explicitly search for straight acting guys only because these guys are ashamed of being associated as gay in public and therefore are ashamed of their sexual orientation.

 

The discussion here was started on the basis of discussing the second group.

 

To make it clear for everyone:

 

a) Type a: Guy who seeks straight acting guys only because he is ashamed as being recognised in public as a gay.

 

b) Type b: Guy who prefers being in public places with straight acting guys but who has no issue with his sexuality (aka sexual orientation, namely being gay).

 

The topic here is about the Type a gay guys.

 

 

I guess one member here is unable to see the difference of both notions.

 

 

 

[singalion]

11 hours ago, doncoin said:

I find this discussion interesting and I think it is important because it deals with our identities as gay men. 

 

 

 The whole point of being "straight looking/acting" is so that you don't give yourself away as a member of the LGBTQA+ community. You pass off and blend into the larger heteronormative society of Singapore so that nobody will suspect or even think of you as gay. Sure, we can argue that my sexual orientation is a personal thing, and I completely agree with that. It's nobody's business. 

 

However, per the origin of this thread, the person who posted on Grindr, "I m str8 looking so m looking for someone who is str8 looking too. Not into those who 1 look can tell is gay.'"

 

This person on Grindr posts that his requirement is that the other person has to be "str8 looking too" and not one who "1 look can tell is gay." From my POV,  it says a lot about internalised shame and projecting that shame to whoever he is seeking. It goes back to the whole guilty by association. If someone sees me with a group of gays, they will think that I am one.  It becomes this whole self-induced unfounded fear. We cannot control what other people think, nor do we know what they think. So why the concern over something you have zero control over? 

 

Being gay or being identified as gay becomes some dirty little secret. It becomes this internalized monologue, "If you cannot pass off as straight looking/acting then I do not want to associate with you because your non-straight-looking/acting behavior may reflect upon me, and other people will question if I am gay and that I behave that way too. I want nothing to do with you that will break my appearance of me being straight looking." You can rationalize by saying that loud and flamboyant behavior in men are unacceptable because men are supposed to be stoic and silent with limited emotional expressions. 

 

On the extreme end, we have some gay men who choose to marry a member of the opposite sex to further this straight looking/acting masquerade, while others monitor their own behaviours and mannerisms to conform and not draw attention to themselves. I can accept that you do what you have to do to survive and let others run your life, but don't project your shame and unfounded fears onto others.

 

My message is, you do not have to live your life based on the dictation and expectations of others. You don't have to be straight looking or acting, or be some flamboyant flaming queen. You just have to be you. 

 

Sorry if I am rambling. I am dealing with a very bad cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess you have been exactly hitting the critical point in your post.

 

 

[singalion]

1 minute ago, Since u r here said:

i agree w this too

 

the reason i deemed myself gay is cos i m attracted to men
so i get ur point

 

 

 

 

yes singalion the topic is abt straight looking but it s somehow extend to some inter-related topics too

 

No worries, I well understood where Member Sizzler is coming from.

 

He simply prefers men that behave like men and have more masculine "behaviour" and don't behave like women.

 

It is not a problem.

 

The problem is more for those guys who search only straight acting guys because they fear being associated as a gay if the other is not straight acting. These sort guys are looking down on themselves and have a psychological issue to identify as gay in public. What they seek is straight mannerisms in public, so that the public would never associate him as being gay.

 

Maybe with the repeal of 377A we will see less of these guys as there is now more room for gays in Singapore's society.

 

 

 

 

[yokohamajin]

5 hours ago, Since u r here said:

wow! hardly see u reply, the world has changed!

it must be very crucial for u to understand it?


we cannot do anything more with our eyes

 

1 is to "gin"

very hard to translate local slang accurately, sadly

& i m not a hokkien too, u r not a local? i doubt u a jp too

loosely translated: as u looked w slanted eyes and rolled your eyeballs (to show ur disapproval)
women tend to gin more than a male
and LGBTQ men tend to gin more than a straight man

 

I lived in sg for nearly 2 decades, I understand most Hokkien words.

 

But never heard "gin" before.

 

So it sounds like 藐视+翻白眼。

[yokohamajin]

13 minutes ago, Since u r here said:

Which is why i got a shock

 

i dont knw even how to type a hokkien word using roman letters at all

 

 

i hope u didnt read gin as in gin tonic /jean har

lol

 

it s ginnn (ginza) 

many hokkiens will tell me he gin wah (he gin me)

 

u r not wrong w the “藐视+翻白眼” meaning……hwever miao shi is too strong and “far”

 

it shd be 不屑+翻白眼angrily

When i attempted the loose translation:

“loosely translated: as u looked w slanted eyes and rolled your eyeballs (to show ur disapproval)”

 

i believe there are many terms in bw u unheard before but i hve never seen u clarify w anyone at all

 

this is the first time seeing u responding

 

most imptly, the point is:

straight doesnt gin

do u agree? Men usu dislike means dislike , all they do is just

shrug it off and wont spend half a second battling and trolling thruout as though nuclear war is happenin hence have to go all way out to gin and stop the enemy …..

 

 

can u teach me a non-hokkien how does women or some gays “不屑+翻白眼angrily” in just one hokkien word then?

gin loh

i hvent heard of another

I remember seeing some women gin,

 

also some flamingo gays gin,

 

actually also some straight guys gin.

 

All of the above share one trait: they are quite horrible people.

 

The difference is that flamingo gays and women tend to purposely gin.

 

Straight guys, in sg context, usually try to be nice or ignorant, they gin unconsciously when they can't hide their emotions. Straight guys usually tend to hide their emotions. Eye contact, staring might escalate into fights among Ah Bengs...

Edited February 4, 2023 by yokohamajin

[Guest Hahaha]

I seriously dun understand y some flamingo gays like to 'gin'... 

OK lah... If he handsome, I dun mind he 'gin'.  But those not handsome n haf a cannot make it face still want to 'gin' people. 

[mate69]

Jin, not gin

You're welcome

[buddy4life]

On 7/27/2022 at 10:24 AM, Guest Tinman said:

Straight looking is important to me cos I am not attracted to fem behaviour. But if the straight looking guy starts behaving like a female in bed when  I penetrate him, then it also won't work for me. I like my bottom to grunt and not moan like a JAV bitch in bed....

Exactly! Well said!

[Guest 0btm]

On 7/27/2022 at 10:24 AM, Guest Tinman said:

Straight looking is important to me cos I am not attracted to fem behaviour. But if the straight looking guy starts behaving like a female in bed when  I penetrate him, then it also won't work for me. I like my bottom to grunt and not moan like a JAV bitch in bed....

That's why I hate being a bottom. Because I'm afraid of being judged by the top when he penetrate me. 

Of course being the bottom, there are positions and motions I had to do for him. 

Like when I open my legs wide and stick out my ass, I'm horrified how fem I'm looking exactly like a JAV bitch.

 

After being screwed royally like a whore and liking it, Damn it, excuse me for being psychologically insecure and wanting to look straight. I'm not proud of being what I am. 

 

Like that song "will you still love me tomorrow", my fear is that will you still respect me after screwing me? The overwhelming answer is always NO. That political BS about not being ashamed of oneself goes out the window once he penetrate me. 

After screwing me, there's that unspoken superiority complex in his body language. Especially that always asked snide remarks, "song boh? Koh Ai mai"

What if I asked him "song boh" instead? You can imagine his lascivious laughs like me asking is being slutty.

That's why I'm ashamed of being a bottom and avoid fem gays, afraid of becoming like them and so obvious.

[singalion]

22 hours ago, Sizzler said:

Haha .. Ms Roti Prata trying to digress by throwing new dimensions (yes .. Ms is deliberate bcs he is not a man .. of his word). Ms Roti Prata distinctly said .. "not inclined to discuss further" ... A person who doesn't honor what he says is an absolute disgrace to us gays .. he is even worse than the disgusting sissies I talked about. 

 

Just see here that you can't act in a civil manner but can only resort to toxic insults.