Raising awareness on date rape

[Startup]

Met a young chap recently who shared with me that he was raped when he met a stranger for fun. It took him 6 months to finally share with someone.

 

This could happen to anyone. It's good to raise awareness amongst the youths so they could avoid falling prey to sexual predators around.

 

What are some things victims could do instead of suffering in silence? Where could they turn to if they don't want to lodge a police report?

[radiusulnar]

i think should make police report even though it may be painful. the person must be made responsible and this will prevent others from being hurt

[calvt]

sorry to hear about your friend but what he can do to protect himself is to lodge a police report and let the authorities investigate.

Police are actually used about these type of incidents and would not judge. Let them help your friend!

[Guest Guest]

From what I know, the AWARE group also helps and counsel male rape victms as well.

 

Your friend can contact them if he is willing.

[Guest Me no unnerstan]

3 hours ago, Startup said:

he was raped when he met a stranger for fun

He was meeting someone for FUN (i.e., sex) and he got raped??? Paradox?

[Andrew240577]

On 6/4/2023 at 12:21 PM, Startup said:

Met a young chap recently who shared with me that he was raped when he met a stranger for fun. It took him 6 months to finally share with someone.

 

This could happen to anyone. It's good to raise awareness amongst the youths so they could avoid falling prey to sexual predators around.

 

What are some things victims could do instead of suffering in silence? Where could they turn to if they don't want to lodge a police report?

It happen to me 32 years ago. But no comment here.

Edited June 5, 2023 by Andrew240577

[Startup]

10 minutes ago, Guest Me no unnerstan said:

He was meeting someone for FUN (i.e., sex) and he got raped??? Paradox?

Everything has to be consensual even if it's behind closed door. The guy could be just seeking light fun but ended up getting analed. He was beaten up and was unable to defend himself. In any case I didn't ask for details.

[Thatguy642]

I’ve definitely met some guys who tried to push my boundaries and made me really uncomfortable. Really put me off meeting anyone new for a while and I’m pretty cautious now when I do decide to meet someone new. Not really sure how to go about it but it does happen.

 

thankfully it never got to the point of full on r*pe but I feel like if the guys I meet were a lot bigger and stronger than me it might have ended up a different story.

[koolkai]

6 hours ago, Thatguy642 said:

I’ve definitely met some guys who tried to push my boundaries and made me really uncomfortable. Really put me off meeting anyone new for a while and I’m pretty cautious now when I do decide to meet someone new. Not really sure how to go about it but it does happen.

 

thankfully it never got to the point of full on r*pe but I feel like if the guys I meet were a lot bigger and stronger than me it might have ended up a different story.

 

You look so fit! I think you should be able to counter attack the guy you met if he tries to take advantage of you!

[Guest Wtf]

12 minutes ago, koolkai said:

 

You look so fit! I think you should be able to counter attack the guy you met if he tries to take advantage of you!

what an utterly ridiculous comment to make on a serious comment on a thread about a serious topic. 

[mate69]

Definitely do report to the authorities! They will help you and investigate and prosecute the alleged offender.

Don't be afraid to report 

Rape is rape, period

[Guest Kunar]

If the guy who forced you to do anal is fit and handsome, would you consider that as rape?

[mate69]

9 minutes ago, Guest Kunar said:

If the guy who forced you to do anal is fit and handsome, would you consider that as rape?

 

Of course

 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, Guest Kunar said:

If the guy who forced you to do anal is fit and handsome, would you consider that as rape?

Like who?

[LeanMature]

17 hours ago, Startup said:

Everything has to be consensual even if it's behind closed door. The guy could be just seeking light fun but ended up getting analed. He was beaten up and was unable to defend himself. In any case I didn't ask for details.

 

Police report should have been made right after the rape, since victim was beaten up and has DNA on his body.  Now 6 months already passed and I'm afraid there is no closure.  

[LeanMature]

17 hours ago, Thatguy642 said:

I’ve definitely met some guys who tried to push my boundaries and made me really uncomfortable. Really put me off meeting anyone new for a while and I’m pretty cautious now when I do decide to meet someone new. Not really sure how to go about it but it does happen.

 

thankfully it never got to the point of full on r*pe but I feel like if the guys I meet were a lot bigger and stronger than me it might have ended up a different 

 

Going into the home of a stranger who is bigger and stronger is like entering a tiger den.  If you can't resists the horniness, meet somewhere else, plan the escape route and be ready for self defense.

[PlayersGroup]

1 hour ago, LeanMature said:

Police report should have been made right after the rape, since victim was beaten up and has DNA on his body.  Now 6 months already passed and I'm afraid there is no closure.  

 

Report can always be made actually. Don't have to worry about a late report.

[Guest Clarity]

On 6/4/2023 at 3:29 PM, Guest Me no unnerstan said:

He was meeting someone for FUN (i.e., sex) and he got raped??? Paradox?

 

For some, rape is power and dominance and the tendency to dehumanize your victims.  Hope this clarifies.

[singalion]

On 6/4/2023 at 12:21 PM, Startup said:

Met a young chap recently who shared with me that he was raped when he met a stranger for fun. It took him 6 months to finally share with someone.

 

This could happen to anyone. It's good to raise awareness amongst the youths so they could avoid falling prey to sexual predators around.

 

What are some things victims could do instead of suffering in silence? Where could they turn to if they don't want to lodge a police report?

 

Just to share some points.

 

If it was just meeting a stranger, then this is not what date rape is about.

 

Date rape refers to having a romantic relationship and then you get raped, but it does not cover the case where you meet someone you haven't met before.

 

 

[Startup]

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

Edited June 5, 2023 by Startup

[Guest Wtf]

52 minutes ago, Startup said:

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

It is a worthwhile and important topic to post - ignore the few idiots and pedants ( @singalion, you might want to consider getting a hobby because you clearly have too much time on your hands if you thought your post on this thread was worth any of your time, let alone ours).

[Guest Date Rape]

2 hours ago, singalion said:

 

Just to share some points.

 

If it was just meeting a stranger, then this is not what date rape is about.

 

Date rape refers to having a romantic relationship and then you get raped, but it does not cover the case where you meet someone you haven't met before.

 

 

 

The issue was on the awareness of the trauma of rape, not on the definition of what constitutes a date rape.

 

To focus on the date rape definition in such an instance gives the impression of the 'definer' as a person devoid of empathy, which we hope is not the case here.

 

Let's hope in this forum that when we deal with sensitive topics, we don't overuse intellect.  

 

 

[grandy]

On 6/4/2023 at 4:13 PM, Thatguy642 said:

I’ve definitely met some guys who tried to push my boundaries and made me really uncomfortable. Really put me off meeting anyone new for a while and I’m pretty cautious now when I do decide to meet someone new. Not really sure how to go about it but it does happen.

 

thankfully it never got to the point of full on r*pe but I feel like if the guys I meet were a lot bigger and stronger than me it might have ended up a different story.

Would like to say I meet most that are like this, please be very careful!

[Guest skinnycurious]

On 6/4/2023 at 4:13 PM, Thatguy642 said:

I’ve definitely met some guys who tried to push my boundaries and made me really uncomfortable. Really put me off meeting anyone new for a while and I’m pretty cautious now when I do decide to meet someone new. Not really sure how to go about it but it does happen.

 

thankfully it never got to the point of full on r*pe but I feel like if the guys I meet were a lot bigger and stronger than me it might have ended up a different story.

tbh its q common that when the fun starts they will try to push for more, like i'm only ok with hjs, most will try and get a lick or suck 

[doncoin]

Sex should be consensual and if one party is non-coherent, i.e. under the influence of alcohol or some other substance, and the guy takes advantage of the victim's state, then it is non-consensual. 

[singalion]

4 hours ago, Startup said:

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

 

I simply posted the "definition" of date rape for reasons of accurateness and nothing else. 

 

By no means I posted anything on the matter of rape so far or on the topic covered by the initial post. 

 

Quote:

Date rape is a form of acquaintance rape and dating violence. The two phrases are often used interchangeably, but date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or sexual relationship between the two parties."

 

 

Looking at these factors from the write up the topic doesn't seem to refer to "date" rape but just rape. 

 

I assume this clarifies on the matter. 

 

 

 

Despite people bickering that I seem to  have so much time on my hands, I didn't find time actually to respond in detail to this thread...

 

 

Edited June 5, 2023 by singalion

[Guest Define Define Define]

42 minutes ago, singalion said:

 

I simply posted the "definition" of date rape for reasons of accurateness and nothing else. 

 

By no means I posted anything on the matter of rape so far or on the topic covered by the initial post. 

 

Quote:

Date rape is a form of acquaintance rape and dating violence. The two phrases are often used interchangeably, but date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or sexual relationship between the two parties."

 

 

Looking at these factors from the write up the topic doesn't seem to refer to "date" rape but just rape. 

 

I assume this clarifies on the matter. 

 

 

 

Despite people bickering that I seem to  have so much time on my hands, I didn't find time actually to respond in detail to this thread...

 

 

 

Still on the definition.  You have proven your point v strongly.  Well done. 

[Steve5380]

5 hours ago, singalion said:

 

Despite people bickering that I seem to  have so much time on my hands, I didn't find time actually to respond in detail to this thread...

 

 

Oh please, take your time,  there is plenty to say about this topic.

[Guest Wtf]

8 hours ago, singalion said:

 

I simply posted the "definition" of date rape for reasons of accurateness and nothing else. 

 

By no means I posted anything on the matter of rape so far or on the topic covered by the initial post. 

 

Quote:

Date rape is a form of acquaintance rape and dating violence. The two phrases are often used interchangeably, but date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or sexual relationship between the two parties."

 

 

Looking at these factors from the write up the topic doesn't seem to refer to "date" rape but just rape. 

 

I assume this clarifies on the matter. 

 

 

 

Despite people bickering that I seem to  have so much time on my hands, I didn't find time actually to respond in detail to this thread...

 

 

OMG… nobody cares about whether your pedantry was correct or not and nobody asked for a clarification from you. 
 

The point is that your original comment was completely worthless to the discussion in this thread and this clarification is similarly worthless. 
 

Please get another hobby, seriously. 

[Startup]

It's unfortunate that this thread has degenerated into a spat between several members.

 

To be fair, Singalion made a valid point on the definition of date rape although I do not fully agree with it. It's entirely possible for date rape to occur on the first date. Someone could go on a date with the intention of meeting a potential ltr partner and ended up getting raped instead. That's what had happened to the person mentioned in the original post.

[Startup]

"A date rape is a rape by someone who is not a complete stranger to you that you've had a romantic or sexual interest in. It can happen on a first date or with someone you have had a couple of dates with. It could happen at something like a party with someone that you know, you like, or you are just interested in."

 

This is another definition taken from the net. 

 

Say you get to know someone online, then you chat on telegram. You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

I would argue that it is date rape.

 

 

[Guest Correct?]

50 minutes ago, Startup said:

You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

I don't remember seeing, knowing or rembering any gay who "Beat Up" another person.  Unlike straight people,  gay people "beating up" another gay is extremely rare.  The "rape" scene may be, but the "beat up" part is probably a make up story.  

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Startup said:

"A date rape is a rape by someone who is not a complete stranger to you that you've had a romantic or sexual interest in. It can happen on a first date or with someone you have had a couple of dates with. It could happen at something like a party with someone that you know, you like, or you are just interested in."

 

This is another definition taken from the net. 

 

Say you get to know someone online, then you chat on telegram. You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

I would argue that it is date rape.

 

 

 

We may not need to worry much about the definition of "date rape".  The awareness you are talking about applies to any type of ASSAULT.

[singalion]

 

4 hours ago, Startup said:

"A date rape is a rape by someone who is not a complete stranger to you that you've had a romantic or sexual interest in. It can happen on a first date or with someone you have had a couple of dates with. It could happen at something like a party with someone that you know, you like, or you are just interested in."

 

This is another definition taken from the net. 

 

Say you get to know someone online, then you chat on telegram. You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

I would argue that it is date rape.

 

 

 

It would depend if they chatted before, exchanged certain personal details, exchanged your number and send pictures.

 

The difference is drawn that a real stranger would be someone who rapes you while you cross through a forested area, have never seen him or her before and know nothing about that person, or let's say someone that bumps into a male toilet while you are wanking your dick and then rapes you or you book in into a dormitory sort of hostel and during the night, a guy, you haven't seen before or talked to before, approaches you, steps into your bed and rapes you.

 

You should eventually change the word "stranger" in your initial post if the victim more or less knew the rapist beforehand.

 

 

4 hours ago, Startup said:

Say you get to know someone online, then you chat on telegram. You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

 

Exactly, in above case , that would fall under the category of date rape.

 

 

Edited June 6, 2023 by singalion

[singalion]

Those people who are just quarreling here are advised to do this at the Flaming Room.

 

I am really surprised that people here can't behave like adults.

 

My only intention was to clarify on the facts whether the rape actually falls under the category what professionals and the police call a "date" rape or whether it was a rape by a stranger.

 

There is a difference because for the first you gained some acquaintance and knowledge of the rapist, while for the other it is more or less a surprise rape from a real stranger.

(See the examples above).

 

[singalion]

3 hours ago, Startup said:

"A date rape is a rape by someone who is not a complete stranger to you that you've had a romantic or sexual interest in. It can happen on a first date or with someone you have had a couple of dates with. It could happen at something like a party with someone that you know, you like, or you are just interested in."

 

This is another definition taken from the net. 

 

Say you get to know someone online, then you chat on telegram. You feel comfortable with that person and decide to meet at his place. Your intention is to get to know him better and become ltr if you click. 

 

But he beat you up and rape you instead.

 

I would argue that it is date rape.

 

 

 

Please don't get irritated by those trolls here.

 

Let's move on.

 

 

[singalion]

On 6/4/2023 at 12:21 PM, Startup said:

Met a young chap recently who shared with me that he was raped when he met a stranger for fun. It took him 6 months to finally share with someone.

 

This could happen to anyone. It's good to raise awareness amongst the youths so they could avoid falling prey to sexual predators around.

 

What are some things victims could do instead of suffering in silence? Where could they turn to if they don't want to lodge a police report?

 

First I think he was released to have found someone like you to share his traumatic experience.

It helps also to get over the incident when talking to someone.

 

There are people who carry a certain fear for their whole life once they encountered a rape.

 

Without intending to talk down on rape, however, in sexual acquaintances the line may be thin, if one party is very weak to express his desire or reluctance.

 

I always make sure that the other person, even if he is totally extreme shy type, speaks out what he seeks and approves in words. Otherwise, I would just talk and ask him to leave without engaging into anything.

 

The problematic point starts where one guy did not intend to engage into sexual activity or more than looking at the body, dick etc but then something starts up and the top penetrates. Was it consensual, was it not.

Do you see the issue?

 

I met guys before who told me that they were raped but when you talked on what happened it wasn't actually a rape, because initially he wanted the sex, but in the instant moment, he changed the mind but did not tell the sex partner. But how does the partner know if you keep silent, don't stop him and don't do the talk or at least give signals.

 

The crucial thing is just to speak out. Shout, if you don't want anything, pull him away, punch his dick.

 

You must do the talk and not let things just go on.

 

And here we come to the second point of your question: Evidence. The mere penetration is not rape itself.

It must be non consensual penetration.

Most of the issues depend on the fact, who someone will believe. The victim or the alleged rapist?

 

If there is chat on apps, where you agree to meet for fun, discuss sexual preference or even wrote that you wanted anal fun, then it will be difficult.

 

 

Regarding involving the police:

First: If you were raped, then you need to go to the police as soon as possible. More important is also to go to a doctor and get checked. If it was rape, there are mostly tears on the anal canal, which should be bleeding or signs of tears. This hints to not consented penetration.

 

 

Here is advice on male to male sexual assault, what to do:

 

• Don’t shower, drink, eat or change your clothes. These activities can destroy physical evidence that could be useful if you decide to prosecute.
• Get medical attention.  Contact the Sexual Assault Center (if any) or go to the closest ER. Even if you feel embarrassed about your injuries, it is very important to receive medical assistance. Hospital staffs are accustomed to dealing with injuries to the penis or anus and they are trained to do so as professionally as they would treat a broken arm or a heart attack. Even if you don’t seem to be seriously hurt, you may have hidden, internal injuries that can become infected or get worse with time.
• Write down everything that you remember happening, with as much detail as possible. This can help you to cope with the situation but may also be helpful in any legal action you might decide to take.

 

Even if it is male to male rape, I am confident that the local police now after 377 has been abolished, will hand any matter professionally. If you feel easier to talk, you can ask for a female police officer to take your case.

 

However, you decision to report should be done as soon as possible to gather experience.

 

I am sure Oogachaga can offer assistance also. According to their website the provide professional counsellors for sexual violence cases.

 

 

https://oogachaga.com/professional-counselling

 

 

 

Edited June 6, 2023 by singalion

[Guest Wtf]

31 minutes ago, singalion said:

Yh

 

It would depend if they chatted before, exchanged certain personal details, exchanged your number and send pictures.

 

The difference is drawn that a real stranger would be someone who rapes you while you cross through a forested area, have never seen him or her before and know nothing about that person, or let's say someone that bumps into a male toilet while you are wanking your dick and then rapes you or you book in into a dormitory sort of hostel and during the night, a guy, you haven't seen before or talked to before, approaches you, steps into your bed and rapes you.

 

You should eventually change the word "stranger" in your initial post if the victim more or less knew the rapist beforehand.

 

 

 

Exactly, in above case , that would fall under the category of date rape.

 

 

 

26 minutes ago, singalion said:

Those people who are just quarreling here are advised to do this at the Flaming Room.

 

I am really surprised that people here can't behave like adults.

 

My only intention was to clarify on the facts whether the rape actually falls under the category what professionals and the police call a "date" rape or whether it was a rape by a stranger.

 

There is a difference because for the first you gained some acquaintance and knowledge of the rapist, while for the other it is more or less a surprise rape from a real stranger.

(See the examples above).

 

OMFG, can’t @G_M just give you a holiday? Everyone is trying to move the discussion on but you won’t let it happen until you are certain you have made your entirely pedantic point that is as worthless to the topic now as it was when you first brought it up. 

[Startup]

The impact of a rape on a person is obvious. When I met the guy, he has become a less confident person. He is less sure of himself. He said he is not seeking to date anyone for the time being.

 

He went through a rape. Then he suffered in silence for 6 months. All these are needless.

 

If he sees some of the thoughtless comments here, it might be another blow to him.

[DonsonKwa]

just my opinion  :  reporting to police might expose urself to be known that u r gay & it was reported in news media.  

then everyone know that ur family members, relatives, frenzy.  ur cover is exposed.  most of us prefer 

to be discreet not wanting the above to know about urself.  I speculate that he do not want his cover

to be exposed.  I know of such difficulties.  not easy.  

[aycee]

On 6/5/2023 at 1:25 AM, Guest Kunar said:

If the guy who forced you to do anal is fit and handsome, would you consider that as rape?

From what you wrote, I would assume you will find it is ok to let him anal you because he is fit and handsome. That makes you willing (not under threat), and hence not considered rape. But it may not the same case as the victim mentioned by the TS.

[Yas1950]

On 6/5/2023 at 6:27 PM, Startup said:

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

I totally agree with your points of view.
Your friend has my sympathy.
Thank you for sharing.

[LeanMature]

1 hour ago, DonsonKwa said:

just my opinion  :  reporting to police might expose urself to be known that u r gay & it was reported in news media.  

then everyone know that ur family members, relatives, frenzy.  ur cover is exposed.  most of us prefer 

to be discreet not wanting the above to know about urself.  I speculate that he do not want his cover

to be exposed.  I know of such difficulties.  not easy.  

 

This is likewise what the rapist thought too, that he is very confident that the victim will not report him, given that it actually happened at the rapist's home.  

[auscent]

It is important to empower one to read the cues, be clear of ur non negotiables and say no. It can be unsafe sex, being filmed, drug consumption.

[earth_tone]

On 6/6/2023 at 9:12 AM, Guest Correct? said:

I don't remember seeing, knowing or rembering any gay who "Beat Up" another person.  Unlike straight people,  gay people "beating up" another gay is extremely rare.  The "rape" scene may be, but the "beat up" part is probably a make up story.  

 

Gay people are still people. They fight, they take drugs, they are in gangs, they rape, they abuse, they can be tall or short, slim or fat, they also go to jail. 

Brain please, brain.

[Guest Define fun]

On 6/5/2023 at 6:27 PM, Startup said:

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

 

On 6/5/2023 at 6:27 PM, Startup said:

When I first started this topic, I was hesitant to post it on the main forum, knowing full well that there will be guest posters who would trivialize the issue or do victim blaming.

 

Nevertheless I felt it's important to raise the issue because it's not something easy for any victim to deal with.

 

Let me set the record straight, the mentioned person is not one who goes around seeking fun. His main intention is to find ltr. But he is open to light fun with a buddy as well. When I wrote that he met someone for fun, there would always be people who run away with the idea that people who have had fun with strangers are sluts and deserve to be raped.

 

I do not know him well but based on my limited interaction with him, I trust him to be a decent chap who wants to find ltr and would date someone once in a few months.

 

I can understand why he chose not to lodge a police report. He felt deep shame for allowing it to happen to himself. 

 

He is not out of the closet and has nobody to confide in. So he kept it to himself for 6 months. Imagine the anguish he went through. 

 

The reason for bringing it up here is to focus on the issue of rape in the gay scene. And for people to learn how to stop it from happening to themselves and others.

 

Rape is definitely not ok. Your statement however is as good as saying small theft is more ok than the bigger ones. If you’re not offering yourself out there (ESPECIALLY TO STRANGERS), what is the chance getting raped? Do the math. 

[singalion]

4 hours ago, Guest Define fun said:

 

Rape is definitely not ok. Your statement however is as good as saying small theft is more ok than the bigger ones. If you’re not offering yourself out there (ESPECIALLY TO STRANGERS), what is the chance getting raped? Do the math. 

 

With 2,500 guys permanently being online at any time in Singapore trying to hook up for sex on apps I find your point a bit unrealistic.

Everyone on the app is somehow a stranger unless you have met them before.

 

You could have done the maths yourself.

 

But in fact you missed the point also on this topic.

 

Let us not talk down rape in any way.

 

I m sure, there is rape happening here between gays. Do not say it is just something compared to small theft.

 

 

[Startup]

2 hours ago, singalion said:

 

With 2,500 guys permanently being online at any time in Singapore 

I do appreciate singalion contributing to a healthy discussion here.

 

It's quite a different thing when people use a dismissive tone in their replies. That one is capable of protecting oneself against rape doesn't mean that it's not happening to others. What makes it so traumatic for some rape victims is how the rapist can be so capable of such 'evilness' and the trust in human decency is shattered.

 

If one cannot learn to put yourself in another person's shoe (and no you don't have to be raped to be able to do that), it only shows a lack of empathy on their part.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Startup

[Malabird]

My friend Norman (not the real name) told me his encounter years back- He dated a ‘Bear’ guy named Kevin from Fridae, who worked in MCYS years ago.He lived in point block HDB at Dover Cresent near Singapore polytechnic and Rochester Park.
 

(He has followed his parent to move into a condo in Bishan area).
 

The Kevin bear guy spoke very well and looked a little cute. Some degrees of arrogance in his attitude.

 

He asked Norman to drive him to the Rochester park area, a military compound built by the British. It was used and left behind by 5 SIR in early 2000s. 
 

Once there kevin instructed his prey to park behind an abandoned two storey detached bouse and the Kevin bear started playing rough in the back seats, he torn Norman’s shirt, forced his lips on and grabbed his dick like a hungry beast, then pushed Norman to swallow his bear dick.
 

He then dragged Norman out from the parked vehicle and into the empty building from the back door which was already broken and it was likely a place for many adventurers. 
 

Norman was already partly naked due to the wrestling and clothes torn by the bear. In the dark building kevin bear took out a rope and attempted to tie up Norman. To get out of the situation and to buy time, Norman stripped thé bear and gave him a good licking from chest down all the way. Then he gave the bear a strong kick and push, the beast fell on the floor. 

 

Norman grabbed the bear’s clothing,  dashed out of the building and jumped into his car, sped off.

 

Was the self defence too harsh ? 
 

if you were in the shoes of Norman, will you do the same ?

 

 

Edited June 15, 2023 by Malabird

[Guest Never Again!]

I met this very fit guy, a head taller than me model bod and looks at a park in the east.

 

He approached me and I was of course elated and wanted to have fun with this attractive guy in his late 20s, I was 22.

 

I was new to the scene then. He led me into a toilet cubicle. I really thought it was just hj or bj, kissing and romancing.

 

Who would have thought that he would literally pin me against the wall and fuck the hell out of me with no lube and no protection for the next 25 min.

 

I struggled and pleaded with him to stop to no avail. He was just like a mad bull so unlike his gentle demeanour when we first spoke. The worst thing was I had a raging hard on oozing precum despite the very terrible and excruciating pain. That made him think I was enjoying it. I came while he was still fucking me. The level of pain was even worse after I came. He got more excited and rammed me hard till he came in me. 

 

I bled for a week. How to report to police? Police, like some members here, would say I asked for it. Good thing he was clean.

 

It turned out that he was bi. After the ordeal he passed me his hp number and invited me join him with 2 gals the following week.

 

Did I call him? No! The good thing out of it was I hated being fucked and became a not only a top, but a considerate one. Will never fuck a guy like he did. 

 

Another near rape was at Kallang mrt stn toilet. The lean fit foreign worker, clean shaven, innocent looking guy, not more than 25yo. Good thing I matched his physique and manage to bolt out of the cubicle after 5 min of struggle.

 

I hope these people understand that wanting to have fun doesn't necessary mean the other party wants to be fucked against his will.

 

Good thing is, so far, gay and bimarried members here I met have respected that.