I am infatuated with my Match from Hinged.

[GlennEureen]

I have recently started using this dating app called Hinge to find a partner, and as someone who is in his mid-thirties and has never dated before, life just started to feel really lonely navigating through alone.

 

I have matched with a few guys and gone on a few dates before, but as with all online dating, you are matching with someone predominantly on whether they are good looking or not, so most of my attraction towards the guys I do meet in real life for such dates are purely due to looks. When those dates don't work out, I don't feel too upset about it because no feelings were involved, we went on the date, we don't vibe, we move on.

 

3 weeks ago, I ended up matching with this new guy and I remember coming across his profile, but had ran out of likes to give for the day (this shows how desperate I am to try and find someone on the app), so I gave him a rose (which is like a super like on Tinder) because he was cute and was someone who didn't take himself too seriously based on his profile. I was very much looking forward to conversing with him, but I knew it was going to be a 50/50 chance, he had to be interested in my profile first before we could get to that step.

 

 

He did and actually messaged me back first, so we got to chatting and I really enjoyed our conversation, we had good banter almost immediately and soon brought the chat out to Telegram.

 

 

 

The first week was just messages after messages, we replied to one another within the hour and I was constantly looking forward to them.

 

By the second week however, the text messages from his side started slowing down, his replies were also starting to get shorter and I just found myself glued to my phone all day, waiting for him to message back. My interest towards him was still very strong, but it seemed like his has dwindled and I actually got really sad.

 

Third week comes along and the messages were getting more and more sporadic, I tried to pep talk myself many times in my head that I didn't really know this guy, so I shouldn't let it affect me that much, if he was not interested, then I should just move on and hopefully find someone else who will be, but that is easier said than done. I was still very interested in him and I really wanted to give it an actual shot, because if I don't I know I will definitely regret it, so I asked him out.

 

 

 

He agreed and we set a date.

 

 

A huge part of me was so happy we could finally meet in real life, but another smaller part of me was also wishing that it would go horribly and I will instantly get over him once the date was over, because I didn't like how I was feeling, that longing for his attention felt suffocating.

 

 

Well.

 

The date actually went pretty well and we were able to hit it off in real life, our online banter translated really well offline and at that point in time, I felt like this was enough, if this was going to be our only date, I would be satisfied. The date ended and we went our separate ways, I dropped him a text minutes later and told him it was really nice to finally meet, he replied in kind, and then I half-jokingly told him he had better invite me out for a second meal.

 

 

He had been "typing...", but the moment I send that out, he stopped and I was just left me on "read".

 

 

 

The morning after, I woke up feeling satisfied and happy with the date, but then as the day went on, that sense of longing started to return and it started to intensify by late morning. I found myself once again checking my phone and yearning for a text from him, I couldn't focus on work, I had no appetite for breakfast, all I could think about was him and it was debilitating.

 

 

I have never been in a relationship before because I have never felt so strongly for someone before to want to pursue a relationship with them, this is honestly the first time in my life I have developed such felt such strong feelings for a person and I do not like it. It's paralyzing, I know this isn't love, I know I'm just going through the infatuation phase, I mean I barely know the guy, we have only been talking online for 3 weeks, and only met up once, even I know that much that love take times to develop. But it's been a hard day.

 

 

 

I feel like that intensity I felt during the late morning was probably brought on by my excessive caffeine intake in the morning because I have now calmed down and am feeling a little more in control, I guess typing this out also helped. 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading if you have gotten to this point, I just needed an outlet to express myself and would like to know if anyone else gone through this before and how you guys dealt with it. 

Edited Thursday at 09:15 AM by GlennEureen

[Why?]

He was seen "typing....." and then stopped the moment you send out message of wanting to meet again.  Probably he mistook you wanting him to give you a treat on the next meeting?  How will a recipient interprete your message below

 

I half-jokingly told him he had better invite me out for a second meal.

 

You might have astonished him in your zeal and come across as avaricious, even if that wasn't your intention.

It might be best to take a few weeks off before offering him a treat to make up for any misinterpretation of the previous message.  By then, it will also be beneficial to determine whether a relationship can be ended entirely or whether friendship can be maintained.   Remember that you are not alone in the busy app; you both know each other through it.

[egal]

i guess if it is meant to be, it is meant to be.

 

hope there will be a happy ending though.

[jekhar]

Maybe give 2 to 3 days as a "cooling off" period. 

 

Then see whether he sends any message. If not, you can message and see his response?

[GlennEureen]

4 hours ago, Why? said:

He was seen "typing....." and then stopped the moment you send out message of wanting to meet again.  Probably he mistook you wanting him to give you a treat on the next meeting?  How will a recipient interprete your message below

 

I half-jokingly told him he had better invite me out for a second meal.

 

You might have astonished him in your zeal and come across as avaricious, even if that wasn't your intention.

It might be best to take a few weeks off before offering him a treat to make up for any misinterpretation of the previous message.  By then, it will also be beneficial to determine whether a relationship can be ended entirely or whether friendship can be maintained.   Remember that you are not alone in the busy app; you both know each other through it.

 

That's actually kind of the banter that we had when we were talking to one another for the first 3 weeks, and also what really got me attracted to him in the beginning. 😭

 

[GlennEureen]

1 hour ago, jekhar said:

Maybe give 2 to 3 days as a "cooling off" period. 

 

Then see whether he sends any message. If not, you can message and see his response?

I couldn't control myself and actually texted him in the afternoon to say hello, to try and get a reaction, sadly there was none. But I am definitely going to stop now and follow your advise, a 2-3 days, maybe even up to a week of cooling off period.

 

My expectations are low so I am also high-key hoping that by then, I will be able to get over him and just move on with my life. 😢

[cbm]

You feel very strong emotions for this person. Sharing about it is catharsis. 

 

Like you, I too do not like it when I am feeling this way. It can be overwhelming, unrelenting. But this is a human condition. It's natural to feel this way.

 

You have to ride the wave of emotions and not come off too strongly.

 

Sometimes, after the initial strong feelings, you get to know the person more, then you find out red flags about them and your feelings towards them change. And then will you get over them.

Edited Thursday at 12:54 AM by cbm

[singalion]

19 hours ago, GlennEureen said:

I have recently started using this dating app called Hinge to find a partner, and as someone who is in his mid-thirties and has never dated before, life just started to feel really lonely navigating through alone.

 

I have matched with a few guys and gone on a few dates before, but as with all online dating, you are matching with someone predominantly on whether they are good looking or not, so most of my attraction towards the guys I do meet in real life for such dates are purely due to looks. When those dates don't work out, I don't feel too upset about it because no feelings were involved, we went on the date, we don't vibe, we move on.

 

3 weeks ago, I ended up matching with this new guy and I remember coming across his profile, but had ran out of likes to give for the day (this shows how desperate I am to try and find someone on the app), so I gave him a rose (which is like a super like on Tinder) because he was cute and was someone who didn't take himself too seriously based on his profile. I was very much looking forward to conversing with him, but I knew it was going to be a 50/50 chance, he had to be interested in my profile first before we could get to that step.

 

 

He did and actually messaged me back first, so we got to chatting and I really enjoyed our conversation, we had good banter almost immediately and soon brought the chat out to Telegram.

 

 

 

The first week was just messages after messages, we replied to one another within the hour and I was constantly looking forward to them.

 

By the second week however, the text messages from his side started slowing down, his replies were also starting to get shorter and I just found myself glued to my phone all day, waiting for him to message back. My interest towards him was still very strong, but it seemed like his has dwindled and I actually got really sad.

 

Third week comes along and the messages were getting more and more sporadic, I tried to pep talk myself many times in my head that I didn't really know this guy, so I shouldn't let it affect me that much, if he was not interested, then I should just move on and hopefully find someone else who will be, but that is easier said than done. I was still very interested in him and I really wanted to give it an actual shot, because if I don't I know I will definitely regret it, so I asked him out.

 

 

 

He agreed and we set a date.

 

 

A huge part of me was so happy we could finally meet in real life, but another smaller part of me was also wishing that it would go horribly and I will instantly get over him once the date was over, because I didn't like how I was feeling, that longing for his attention felt suffocating.

 

 

Well.

 

The date actually went pretty well and we were able to hit it off in real life, our online banter translated really well offline and at that point in time, I felt like this was enough, if this was going to be our only date, I would be satisfied. The date ended and we went our separate ways, I dropped him a text minutes later and told him it was really nice to finally meet, he replied in kind, and then I half-jokingly told him he had better invite me out for a second meal.

 

 

He had been "typing...", but the moment I send that out, he stopped and I was just left me on "read".

 

 

 

The morning after, I woke up feeling satisfied and happy with the date, but then as the day went on, that sense of longing started to return and it started to intensify by late morning. I found myself once again checking my phone and yearning for a text from him, I couldn't focus on work, I had no appetite for breakfast, all I could think about was him and it was debilitating.

 

 

I have never been in a relationship before because I have never felt so strongly for someone before to want to pursue a relationship with them, this is honestly the first time in my life I have developed such felt such strong feelings for a person and I do not like it. It's paralyzing, I know this isn't love, I know I'm just going through the infatuation phase, I mean I barely know the guy, we have only been talking online for 3 weeks, and only met up once, even I know that much that love take times to develop. But it's been a hard day.

 

 

 

I feel like that intensity I felt during the late morning was probably brought on by my excessive caffeine intake in the morning because I have now calmed down and am feeling a little more in control, I guess typing this out also helped. 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading if you have gotten to this point, I just needed an outlet to express myself and would like to know if anyone else gone through this before and how you guys dealt with it. 

 

Why wait? Cooling off for what?

I would just ask when he would like to meet again. 

 

You might send wrong signals keeping silent and he may take it wrong. 

 

If he doesn't like you, or doesn't see any future he should just say or write. 

 

As long as you don't spam him with 5 messages per 30 mins ... 

 

[Why?]

19 hours ago, GlennEureen said:

actually texted him in the afternoon to say hello, to try and get a reaction, sadly there was none.

 

 

Simply say "HELLO", is that it????  It is as good as asking someone to say something just because you say "Hi".    There is nothing at all to help me start a conversation, so if I am the recipient and not a particularly expressive person, I don't know how to respond from there.   I began to see lack of chemistry between you guys already, thus the reason for his non-reaction.

[Startup]

当局者迷，旁观者清。

 

Reading your post, it's pretty obvious that you are into him, but he's not into you at all. His silence is just a sign that he doesn't want to mislead you into thinking that he is interested in you. Sometimes a non reply is louder than a polite no.

 

When there's mutual liking, there would be sparks or chemistry between 2 of you. It's different from a one-sided affection. Some people are simply friendly and easy-going, but it doesn't mean they are interested in pursuing anything further.

 

Perhaps you might want to date more people so you learn to see if there's mutual liking and how it develops from there. Rather than plucking the flower petals to wonder if he likes me, he likes me not.

 

 

Edited Thursday at 02:04 PM by Startup

[doncoin]

The truth about dating and making that deeper connection is where you both are emotionally. If your emotions and goals aligned, the probability of a relationship is higher. When you are both unaligned, no matter how much of a crush you have, you are both not meeting. 

[robin]

Why don’t you just tell him you like him & ask did he feel the same way? If yes, invite him to go on an exclusive date? 

 

For myself, there are people whom I rejected & others who rejected me. It’s just part of the process of finding the right one. Many people buy Toto everyday & despite not striking, they still queue & buy like nobody’s business. 

Edited Friday at 03:45 PM by robin