Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Don't Hit Me in the Head

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He yells to everyone in the bar, "Would anyone like to bet me that I can stick my penis in this alligator’s mouth, close his moth, and then take my penis out without a single scratch on it?" 

Everyone in the bar roll their eyes in a skeptical manner. The man then replies, "If I lose the bet, I'll buy anyone and their friends free drinks all night." 

With that remark everyone in the bar accepted his bet believing that this will be an easy way to get free drinks. The man pulls down his pants, sticks his penis in the alligator’s mouth, closes it, and then attempts to open the alligator’s mouth 20 seconds later. The alligator hesitated so he took a beer bottle and smashed it on the alligator’s head. The alligator opens his mouth and there is not a single scratch on the man's penis. 

Feeling very relieved, the man yells, "Is there any man here brave enough to attempt this?" 

Immediately another man stands up and replies, "I will... as long as you don't hit me in the head with a bottle!" 

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: The Third Leg Conundrum  

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. 

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" 

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. 

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." 

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" 

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped 'it' to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show". 

"Makes sense," says Jeff. 

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw." 

"And what happened then?" asked Jeff. 

"I kicked her in the face." 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Sweetie, I'll Be Right Over

Kathleen gets out of bed, throws on her robe and slippers, uncovers the parrot, pulls up the shades, opens the window, puts on the coffee, and sits down to read the paper. 

The phone rings. A man’s voice says with anticipation, “Sweetie, I just flew in from London I’ll be right over.” 

She puts down the paper, turns off the coffee, closes the windows, pulls down the shades, covers the parrot, takes off her robe and slippers, and gets back into bed." 

The parrot says, “Damn! That was a short day.” 

  

[worldangel]

 Joke: Mr. Jack Daniels

 

There are two women sitting around talking about their lovers. One woman says to the other, "I have three lovers and I have names them all after soda pop. The first one I named 7-up because he is seven inches long and always up. The second one I named Mountain Dew because when he mounts me he knows what to do. The third one I named Jack Daniels." 

The second woman is confused and she says to the first woman, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda, it's a hard liquor." 

The first woman says, “EXACTLY!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: $500 on the Ground

This guy walking down the street when he ran into this pretty woman. He said. “I bet I can drop $500 on the ground and f**k you before you can pick it up.” 

The woman calls her friend to tell her about it. The friend says, "Set him up, when he drops the money just pick it up and run!" 

So the woman tells the guy, “The bet is on.” A few minutes go by and the girl's friend calls her back to find out how did it go. 

The woman says, “The asshole didn't tell me he had $500 in quarters.” 

[worldangel]

Joke: When You Croak

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise." 

The Grandpa says, "No." 

The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise." 

The Grandpa says, "No, now go play." 

The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise." 

So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise." 

The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother no and I'm telling you no. Why do you want me to make a frog noise?" 

The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: It's Your Organ

While making love together for the first time Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly stopped and laid back. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“Forgive me,” she said, “but it’s your organ. It just isn’t big enough." 

“Excuse me!” Joe replied, “But it wasn’t meant to be played in a Cathedral!” 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Every Time I Sneeze

Melissa decided to confide in her roommate. “The strangest thing has been happening to me,” she said. “Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.” 

“I’ve never heard of such a strange illness,” her friend answered. “What do you take for it?” 

“Black pepper!” replied Melissa.

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Not Much of a Man

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. 

The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" 

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Every Time You Make Love

An elderly couple returns home from a night out on the town.

 

The husband immediately starts to pack his bags. The wife asks, “Where are you going?” 

He replies, “I’m going to Bali.” 

“Bali?” she asks, “Why Bali?” 

The man says, “Simple. Every time you make love there they give you ten dollars.” 

The woman then immediately starts packing her bags. And her husband asks, “Where are you going?” 

“I’m going to Bali too.” The husband questions why she is going. 

She replies, “I want to see how you are going to live on twenty dollars a year." 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Who Told You?

“Who,” raged the angry executive, “told you that just because I have kissed you a few times you could loaf around the office and neglect your work?” 

“The company attorney,” answered his personal assistant.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Hair On Your Twinkie

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut. 

As she eats a snack cake, the barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie." 

She says, "Yes, I know, and I’m going to get boobs too."

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Number 1 and Number 2

Bob is injured in a car accident and is admitted to hospital. He ends up in a men’s ward, next to Joe and Phil. Phil yells out to the nurse, "Hey nurse, I need to take a piss!" 

The nurse comes over and says, "Don’t talk like that here, please. Say I need to do number one." 

Some time later, Joe yells out to the nurse, "Hey nurse, I need to take a shit!" 

The nurse comes over and says, "Please don't talk like that. Say I need to do number two." 

Some time later, Bob calls the nurse over and whispers to her, "Nurse, I need to take a shit but I haven't been given a number yet." 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: One Is Not Enough

It has recently been brought to our attention that a definite parallel exists between a Martini and woman’s breasts. 

One is not enough… 

But three are too many!

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Every Day with Butter

Showering after a game of tennis, David happened to look over at Bob’s genitals. “Wow,” he exclaimed, “that’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen!” 

Bob smiled. “It wasn’t always that big. It grew because I rubbed it with butter every day.” 

Determined to improve his own endowment, David went home to do likewise. The following week he and Bob played tennis again. “How’s it going with your... home improvement?” Bob asked. 

“Terrible,” David said. “I’ve been greasing my dick every day, but it keeps shrinking!” 

“Really? Are you sure you’re using enough butter?” 

“Butter, hell. I’m allergic to dairy products, so I’ve been using Crisco.” 

Bob frowned. “Of course it’s getting smaller then, Crisco’s shortening!” 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Man Who Kidnapped Your Wife

The phone rings. "Hello," says the husband. 

A voice from the other side answers, "I am the man who kidnapped your wife and I demand you to pay $100,000 dollars if you want her back." 

The husband replies, "How about I pay you $200,000 dollars and you keep her?"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Stay Hard Spray 

A husband has a problem with premature ejaculation. The local sex shop gives him a can of stay-hard spray. The label on the can promises that if you spray a little of it on, you can go all night. 

The man goes home and hides the can in a cabinet. After dinner, anticipating a night of passion with his wife, he applies the spray. They began making love – but he finishes faster than ever. The next day, he takes the can back to the sex shop for a refund. 

“Let me guess,” the clerk says. “You brought the can home and hid it in the kitchen cabinet?” 

“Right! How did you guess?” 

“You must have grabbed the can of EZ-Off, instead." 

Edited April 10, 2018 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: The Best Lovers

On a train a woman reading a book. The man sitting next to her says, “Hi, couldn’t help but notice the book you’re reading.” 

“Yes, it’s about finding sexual satisfaction. It’s interesting. Did you know that, statistically, American Indians and Polish men are the best lovers? By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?” 

“Flying Cloud Kowalski. Nice to meet you.” 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Who's the Lucky One?

A blind, a deaf and a cross-eyed go to the show. The blind did not see but heard, and said it was nice. 

The deaf saw it and said it was nice. 

The cross-eyed one said, "I am the lucky one, I saw it twice!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Jumping in Puddles Three ducks where sitting at a bar and the bartender came over to the first duck and says, "What’s your name and what've you been doing?"  The duck says, "My names Hughie and I’ve been jumping in puddles."  Then the bartender goes over to the second duck and asks, "What’s your name and what've you been doing?"  The second duck replies, "My name is Dewey and I’ve been jumping in puddles."  The bartender goes over to the last duck and says, "Don’t tell me, your name is Louie and you’ve been jumping in puddles?"  The duck replies, "No, my name is Puddles and I’ve been having a bad day."

[worldangel]

 Joke: The Ladder to Suc-cess

A man was walking through a park one day when he stumbles across a ladder leading up into the clouds. Curious, he climbs the ladder and finds himself on a cloud with a fat woman. "Screw me or keep climbing the ladder to success," she said. 

Not really interested in the fat woman, the man kept on climbing till he reached the second cloud. On this cloud was an average looking woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success." 

Interested, the man decided to climb even higher to a cloud where he found a sexy lady lying on a cloud. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. 

Wondering how much better this could get the man climbed even higher until he reached the next cloud to find, to his surprise, a large fat man. "Hello, hello, I'm Cess!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Cash or Credit?

Three guys went to a striptease joint. The young lady on stage, wearing only thongs and a smile came up to the first guy and performed her dance for him. He took out $100.00, and slapped it on her right cheek. It stuck. 

Then she proceeded to the second guy. She did her same dance and the guy took out $100.00 and slapped it on her left cheek. It stuck. 

She then went to the third guy and performed her dance. The third guy pulled out his wallet, only to realize that he did not have any cash. So he took his debt card and swiped it between her cheeks and took the $200.00. 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: They Saved Me A Fortune

Did you hear the one about the guy who rushed into the bar and told the bartender, "The beers are on me! My wife ran away with my best friend!" 

The bartender smiled and said, "That's a shame, how come you aren't unhappy?" 

"Hell no, I'm not unhappy!" replied the guy. "They saved me a fortune... both of them are pregnant."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Bill for the Milk Bath A guy leaves for work but, when he is about a mile from home, he realizes that he’s left some important papers on his desk.  He drives back home, and as he walks by the bedroom, he sees his wife lying naked in a compromising position and the milkman, also naked, standing at the side of the bed. When he spies the husband, the milkman quickly squats over the rug.  “I’m so glad you’re here, Mr. Shaw,” he says. “I was just telling your wife that if she didn’t pay the bill for her milk bath, I would crap on your rug!”

[worldangel]

 Joke: Glazed and Bloodshot

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.

 

After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" 

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Yes Or No, Buddy

A beggar approached a passerby. "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?" 

"That's ridiculous!" the man said huffily. 

"Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I don't need a damn lecture about how to run my business!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: Best Sex I Ever Had!

A farmer and his wife were outside in their field and saw a spaceship land. Out of this spaceship came two strange creatures and one said, "Hello earthlings, we are here to find out about your human sex life. Will you swap partners with us for a day?" 

The farmer and his wife agreed. The next morning, the farmer asked his wife, "What happened?" 

His wife replied, "It was the best sex I ever had! When he turned his left ear, his dick grew to 16 inches long, and when he turned his right ear, it grew as fat as a sausage.” 

Then the farmer screamed, "Well no wonder that bitch tried to rip my ears off!" 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Their Genitals Are Where?

“It’s common knowledge,” said the zoology student, “that elephants have their genital in their feet.” 

“Really?” said the professor. 

“Absolutely,” smiled the pupil. “If they step on you, you are fucked!”

[worldangel]

Joke: The Pool Ball Incident

A guy walks into a bar with a pet monkey. The monkey begins running around and jumps onto a pool table and swallows one of the pool balls whole. The bartender/owner sees this just as it is happening. Furious he makes the man and his monkey leave. 

A few weeks later, the same man and his monkey walk into the same bar. The bartender, not paying attention as he is talking with one of his regulars, sees the monkey just as it jumps onto the bar, takes a peanut out of the bowl, inserts it into its behind, pulls it back out, then eats it. 

The bartender, angry yet curious, again tells the man to leave. As the man is leaving, the bartender asks the man, "Hey buddy, why did your monkey do that with the peanut?" 

The man replied, "Well, ever since he passed that pool ball, he measures everything before he eats it." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Let Me See Your Hands!

A man told his wife he would be home before midnight. He stopped at a bar and had a couple of beers. He saw these hot looking women and spent a few hours together with them. 

When the man realized what time it was, he asked the woman for some baby powder. He rubbed some on his hands and left. When he got home, his wife asked where had been all night. 

The man said, "I had a couple of drinks, had sex with two beautiful women, and came home to go to bed." 

The wife asked to see his hands and said, "Damn it, you were out bowling again!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Can Anybody Hear Me?

A man was driving on a lonely, mountain road in a blinding rainstorm when his car skidded and fell into a deep ravine. He managed to jump out just before the car went over the cliff and grabbed a large tree limb. Looking down at jagged rocks about 100 feet below, he yelled, "Can anybody up there hear me?" 

A loud rumbling voice said, "I can hear thee, my son and I will save you if you have faith. Do you have faith?" 

The man replied, "I have faith and will do anything you say if you will only save me!" 

The voice said, "Let go of the limb, my son." 

Looking down at the jagged rocks below, the man shouted, "Can anybody else up there hear me?" 

[worldangel]

Joke: If He Can Have Sex

An 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. 

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. 

Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 

"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could have sex, he could fly!" 

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Where Do Babies Come From?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from?" 

"Well dear... a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room, they kiss and hug, and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled. "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." 

"Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" 

"Jewelry, dear, jewelry." 

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Little Michael Learns the Truth Little Michael was impressed by the Rolex watch his classmate was wearing and he asked him how he got the money to purchase it. The boy replied, "Simple, I look my dad in the eye and said, 'I know everything there is to know about you' and my dad gave me five hundred bucks to keep my mouth shut. It's just that simple."  When the boy got home he looked his mother in the eye and said, "I know everything there is to know about you."  His mother gasped and said, "I'll give you a hundred bucks to keep your mouth shut.”  The boy thought, “this too easy to be true!" When his father reached home and got out of the car the boy said, "I know every thing there is to know about you."  His father took him in the garage and said, "Here is five hundred bucks if you will keep your mouth shut."  The next morning as the boy was leaving for school the postman was walking up to the house. The boy looked him in the eyes and said, "I know everything there is to know about you."  The postman knelt down as said, "At last, come here son and give your father a kiss!"

[worldangel]

Joke: No Wonder

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary, I’ve baked them, I have roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just can’t seem to get them tender.” 

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of missionary do you use?” 

The other replies, “You know, the ones that hang out at the place at the bend of the lake. They have those brown cloaks with a funny ring of hair on their heads.” 

“Aha!” the second cannibal replies. “No wonder – those are friars!” 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Loudest Screams

Dentist begging the patient, "Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?" 

Patient replies. "Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time." 

"There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: One of Those Pills

This 90 year old man goes to his doctor and says, "I want some of those pills I hear advertised that will cause me to rekindle the old fire in me!" 

"Oh," replies the doctor, "You must want Viagra?" 

"No," he says, "I just want some Ginko Biloba, so I can remember what it feels like to HAVE sex!" 

[worldangel]

Joke: The 'H' on Her Chest

A woman went in for a physical the other day. The doctor asked her to disrobe. When she did the doctor noticed she had a big red "H" on her chest. 

The doctor said, "That's strange. How did you get the red 'H' on your chest?" 

The woman replied, "My husband went to Harvard and beloved the school so much he never takes his block sweater off... even when we make love." 

Several days later another woman came into the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor went through the same routine. After she disrobed, the doctor noticed she had a big "M" on her chest. Not wanting to appear stupid, the doctor said, "Your boyfriend must have gone to Michigan?" 

The woman responded, "I don't know what you are talking about, but my girlfriend went to Wisconsin." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: You Must Have Some Job!

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about miss, that’s just my pay check in my pocket.” 

“Oh, really?" she spat. “Then you must have some job, because that’s the fifth raise you’ve had in the last half hour!”

[worldangel]

Joke: A Big Potato

Jake and Jim are chatting at the beach. Jake asks Jim how come he is always so popular with the women. 

Jim explains, "I find a big potato and put it down my swim trunks and that’s my secret." 

A few days later they meet again on the beach and Jake says, "I tried what you said but all they do is look at me in disgust." 

Jim replies, "Yes, but you are supposed to put it in the front, not the BACK!" 

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: When You Die

A couple had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. 

The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’” 

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I Am Still in Mourning

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet." 

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" 

She replied, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" 

He replied, "I want to offer you my deepest condolences." 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: 3 Holes in the Bar

 

This young man walks into a bar that he's never been to before. He goes up to the bartender to order his drink. While he waits he notices three holes in the bar. When the bartender returns with his drink, he asks what they're for? 

She says, "Oh, if you stick your dick in there you can get a free blow job." He nods and sticks his dick into the first hole. 

"Mmm," he groans, "that’s nice" before he moves to the second hole. "Awww, that’s even better," he moans. Finally he sticks his dick in the third and final hole... "Oh yeah, that’s the best!" 

After he finishes, once he gets his pants up, he walks over to the bartender and asks who’s under there. 

"Well," she says, "the first is a blonde, the second is a brunette, and the third is an elderly man with no teeth." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Most Beautiful Night

The reception had ended and the newlyweds had just sneaked off to the honeymoon resort. After one more champagne toast for happiness, the groom retired to the bedroom. 

But the bride pulled a chair up to the balcony doors and sat there, gazing at the stars. “Aren’t you coming to bed?” the groom asked. 

“No,” the bride announced. “My mother told me this was going to be the most beautiful night of my life, and I don’t want to miss a single minute of it.”

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Is That A Record?

Walking up to the counter in the record store, the luscious young lady asked the man, “Do you have U2’s latest?” 

“What I got for you,” the man said, leaning closer, “is an eight-inch schlong.” 

Puzzled, the girl asked, “Is that a record?” 

“No,” the clerk said, “but it’s far better than average.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Penguin Likes Ice Cream

A penguin is driving on a real hot day and suddenly his car starts acting up. He pulls into the first station he sees, and while the mechanic checks the car, he goes to the Ice Cream Parlor across the street. 

He gets a big cone, he makes a big mess with his flippers. There is ice cream all over his face. He walks back across the street to check on his car. He asks the mechanic, " We'll, what does it look like?" 

The Mechanic replies, " It looks like you have blown a seal." 

Penguin says, " Oh No! It's ice cream, REALY!" 

[worldangel]

Joke: Do You Know What I'm Doing?

One day, a stunningly attractive woman walks into a doctor's office. As soon as the doctor lays his eyes on her, his professionalism goes right out the window. He asks her to take off her pants. He asks her to sit on the table and when she does, he starts firmly rubbing her thighs. He asks her, "Do you know what I am doing?" 

She replies, "Checking for abnormalities." 

Then, he tells her to take off her shirt and bra, and she does as she is told and he starts rubbing her breasts. Again he asks, "Do you know what I am doing?" 

"Checking for cancer," she replies. 

Then he instructs her to take her panties off, and after she does, he lays her back, pulls off his pants and underwear, jumps up on top of her and begins to have sex with her. Once again, "Do you know what I am doing?" 

Then, the woman answers, "Checking for herpes, that's what I am here for." 

[worldangel]

 Joke: I've Been Geesed

The crowded elevator had just begun to rise when one of the young women on board screamed and said, “I’ve been geesed!” 

“You mean you have been goosed?” asked the man in front of her. 

“Listen, buddy, I know how to count!” 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: He's Not That Smart

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" 

The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" 

The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" 

The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops. The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. 

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there." 

The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key." 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: I Lost My Toupée

A bus stops and this old lady gets off and complains to the driver, "I was sexually harassed!" 

The driver thinks nothing of it. The bus comes to another stop and another old lady gets off and complains to the driver, "I was sexually harassed!" 

Again, the driver thinks nothing of it. The bus comes to another stop and this old man gets off and says to the driver, “I lost my toupée and thought I found it twice, then realized mine is parted down the side, and the two I saw were parted down the middle.”