worldangel Posted March 25 Posted March 25 Joke: A prisoner in jail receives a ... A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted March 25 Posted March 25 Joke: A small boy is sent to bed by ... A small boy is sent to bed by his father. five minutes later:"Da..aaad" "What" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." five minutes later: "Daa....aaad..." "WHAT!?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?" I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!" Five minutes later.."Daaaa....aaaad!" "When you come up to spank me can you bring a drink of water?" shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted March 28 Posted March 28 Joke: Launderette reunion Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm so very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted March 28 Posted March 28 Joke: Relationship In a relationship one person is always right and the other person is a male. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 4 Posted April 4 Joke: A passerby noticed a couple of... A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again. One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 4 Posted April 4 Joke: The passengers were leaving the... The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant. "Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am." "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know something ... this is yesterday's flight." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Joke: Offer Legal Advice Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can." After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Joke: A drunk walks into a crowded bar... A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After a while, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?" The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..." shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 11 Posted April 11 Joke: Learning by example... Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. "Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means." "I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 11 Posted April 11 Joke: True Hospitality True hospitality is making your guests feel like they ARE at home… ... all the while you really wish they WERE at home! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 12 Posted April 12 Joke: 6 Double Vodkas A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?". "Yeah, my wife..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 12 Posted April 12 Joke: One night, a lady stumbled into... One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 14 Posted April 14 Joke: Nude Tiptoer A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find him sitting up in bed, reading. "Oh No!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?" shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 14 Posted April 14 Joke: Absentee Slips In the HR department in the large corporation where I work, I receive absentee slips for all the employees. Over the years I’ve heard every excuse, but the other day I found one in my voicemail that I never heard before. “I won’t be in today,” said my absent coworker. “I’ll call back later with an excuse.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 15 Posted April 15 Joke: Pizza A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr. Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying in school?" asked Larry. The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 15 Posted April 15 Joke: The Two Reasons Why I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there. They have no wife to go home to... or they do! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 19 Posted April 19 Joke: One day a little girl was sitting... One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 19 Posted April 19 Joke: Can You Hear Me Now Matt: "It's times like this that I wish I'd listened to what my Dad always said." Jake: "What did he say?" "I don't know, I wasn't listening." yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 20 Posted April 20 Joke: Door To Door Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: “Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 20 Posted April 20 Joke: Ever since we got married... Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market." "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 21 Posted April 21 Joke: Judge Has Some Fun A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 21 Posted April 21 Joke: We Are The Best Of Friends The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 22 Posted April 22 Joke: Definition: ASKHOLE - A Person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 22 Posted April 22 Joke: Astronaut What do you call a man who doesn't cheat on his wife when he is away on business? An astronaut! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 24 Posted April 24 Joke: A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel ... A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you peed in the pool." "Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that." "True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 24 Posted April 24 Joke: Any questions? Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 26 Posted April 26 Joke: Screwed A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how’s it going?" She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I’ll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn’t matter." He says, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What law firm are you with?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 26 Posted April 26 Joke: A new bride was a bit embarrassed ... A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So, when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him, if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 28 Posted April 28 Joke: My wife and her friend Karen were... My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labour-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.” “I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 28 Posted April 28 Joke: What would you like for your birthday.... A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." "My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 30 Posted April 30 Joke: Shopping trip... Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" the cashier inquired. "No," she replied. "But my husband, Jeff, refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted April 30 Posted April 30 Joke: Because of an ear infection, ... Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the paediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the paediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food- drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 1 Posted May 1 Joke: Charge By The Inch Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe? You and me ?" As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 1 Posted May 1 Joke: Facts of life... Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. "Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 3 Posted May 3 Joke: A man entered the bus with both... A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked. "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 3 Posted May 3 Joke: Complete and Finished There is a subtle but important difference between the words "complete" and "finished." When you marry the right one, you are complete. When you marry the wrong one, you are finished. And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 4 Posted May 4 Joke: No more nail-biting... Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 4 Posted May 4 Joke: I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing... I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Listen, he said, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me? Sure, I said. I turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. Excellent! He said as his paper disappeared into the machine. I just need one copy. shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 8 Posted May 8 Joke: Computer Movers Dick and Dirk are employed in a computer hardware store as movers. One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Dick being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Dirk is struggling very hard to lift his computer. At this Dick says, "What Dirk, my comp has 500 MB HardDisk and yours has just 250, even then you cannot lift it ???" At this Dirk thinks for a while and replies, "That’s right, but my HardDisk is full and yours is empty" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 8 Posted May 8 Joke: Wanna Dance? A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant." shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 17 Posted May 17 Joke: I think my family might be racist I think my family might be racist. I brought my new foreign girlfriend home to meet my family and I couldn't believe how rude my wife and kids were to her. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 17 Posted May 17 Joke: Super Sex!!! A woman, completely fed up with her husband's on-line obsession, finally takes matters into her own hands. One night, as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length mink coat, and posts herself between her husband and the monitor. She pulls open the coat and yells, "Time for Super Sex!!!" He ignores her. So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex", "Super Sex", "Super Sex". Finally, he replies, "Ok, Ok, I'll take the soup". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 20 Posted May 20 Joke: Doing Nothing Wife: Whatcha doing? Me: Nothing. Wife: You did that yesterday. Me: I wasn't finished. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 20 Posted May 20 Joke: An older man walks into a bar... An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?" "Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like someone I knew," protests the bartender. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 21 Posted May 21 Joke: Team Spirit At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 21 Posted May 21 Joke: A couple pulled into the drive... A couple pulled into the driveway after their first date. The guy leans over and gives the girl a long, slow kiss. While he's kissing her, he quietly unzips his pants, takes her hand, and puts it on his penis. When she realizes what it is, she screams, jumps out of the car, and yells back at him as she starts closing the car door, "I've got just two words for you, Drop Dead!!" "And I've got two words for you too," the guy shrieks, "LET GO!!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 22 Posted May 22 Joke: Earrings Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." "Hey Joe, he yells out - I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal out of it,...it's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly. "No really," probes Morris, "How long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in our bed." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 22 Posted May 22 Joke: In the doctor’s office two patients... In the doctor’s office two patients are talking. "You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake." "A sponge!" exclaims the other. "Does it hurt much?" "No...no pain at all," says the first, "but...boy, do I get thirsty!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 24 Posted May 24 Joke: The race Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck. As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!" shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted May 24 Posted May 24 Joke: Fool in love... After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
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