worldangel Posted August 16, 2017 Report Share Posted August 16, 2017 Joke: Shipwrecked on an Island Two men were shipwrecked near an island. When they landed ashore, one of them began screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!" The second man leaned calmly against a palm tree. When the first man saw how calm his friend was, he went crazy and shouted, "Don't you understand?! We're going to die!!"Undisturbed, the second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week." Dumbfounded, the first man looked at him and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!" The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. Wherever I am, my pastor will be sure to find me!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2017 Report Share Posted August 16, 2017 Joke: A young couple, married just a... A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returned from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning, the husband woke up, showered, dressed and made his way to the kitchen where he saw his new wife crying. So the husband inquired, "What's wrong, Honey?" "Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can't cook or clean." The husband smiled his biggest smile and said, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom, and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So, off they went to the bedroom. That afternoon, the husband came home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch, and I just can't cook." Again the husband smiled and said, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So off they went to the bedroom again. That evening the new husband came home, walked in the house and saw his new bride buck naked sliding down the banister of the stairs. Up she ran, and WHOOSH! down the banister. After the third trip up the stairs, the puzzled husband asked, "What are you doing, Honey?" She replied with a smile, "Warming up your supper!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2017 Report Share Posted August 16, 2017 Joke: Instructions amiss A man was having marital problems. So, he went to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" He said, "She didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2017 Report Share Posted August 16, 2017 Joke: A prisoner in jail receives a ... A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2017 Report Share Posted August 16, 2017 Joke: Skip a Day A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Watermelons There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Missing parrot... There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies." But the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days. Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand! The only thing he knows how to say is, "Here, kitty, kitty!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: While taking a routine vandalism ... While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6-year old looking up and down his uniform, she asked. “Are you a policeman? “Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right, the policeman told her. “Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: She was standing in the kitchen... She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment. My eyes lit up and I thought I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day. Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. After wards she said, thanks and returned to the stove, her T' shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked, 'what was that all about?' She explained, 'The egg timer's broken! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Who gets the present.... The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Little Johnny's Chemistry... Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Flipping coin A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?" The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Pete and Larry had not seen each... Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us." "Great. Where do you live?" "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in." "Good. But tell me... what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?" "Surely, you're not coming empty-handed." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: It was the first day of school,... It was the first day of school, and the first grade teacher decided to see how much her students knew about math. “Steven, can you tell me what is 3 and 2?” Steven said, “That’s when you should watch very, very carefully before you swing at the next pitch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Marriage counselor A couple was having marital difficulties and consulted a marriage counselor. After meeting with them, the counselor told them that their problems could all be traced to a lack of communication. "You two need to talk," he said. "So, I recommend that you go to a jazz club. Just wait until it's time for the bass player to solo. Then you'll be talking just like everyone else." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Looking for a Lumberjack... A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Sure, that's what they call it NOW!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Great hearing Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he is there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young lady and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on underneath. Poor Duane breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, 'Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming...' He goes with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?' The flustered, embarrassed Duane stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, 'Oh, it's got to be your ears!' She's astounded. 'Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100 percent natural. My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite. Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars. Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?' Clearing his throat once again, Duane stammers, 'Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: After making love, the woman said ... After making love, the woman said the man, "So, you're a doctor?" "That's right," replied the doctor smugly. "Betcha don't know what kind of doctor." "Ummm...I'd say that you're an anesthesiologist." "Yep, that's right! Good guess! How did you know?" asked the guy. "Because throughout the entire procedure, I didn't feel a thing. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Twisted journalism When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal." The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'." "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Grandpa was driving with his 9-year old ... Grandpa was driving with his 9-year-old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say "idiot!" afterwards. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: A man was walking in the street... A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where the hell were you when I got married?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Visiting Grandma... A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell". "Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"? "You're coming empty handed"? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Olive oil.... Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap. That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: A new way to diet... Tammy and Ann were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then ?" said Ann. "Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: A new way to diet... Tammy and Ann were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then ?" said Ann. "Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Remote control... The clerk asked me, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote when you go shopping?" she asked. "No," I replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even with him!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: A school teacher injured his back ... A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: There was this guy who went to... There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First off the dentist said, "I'll give you a shot to numb your jaw." But the guy said, "No, please don't do that, I'm afraid of needles." The dentist said, "OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep." However the guy said, "Nope, I'm allergic to the gas." So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I'll go look for something else." After a while he came back with a couple of pills. The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?" The dentist said, "Viagra." The guy said, "WHAT! Why these?" The dentist said, "They won't help the pain, but they'll give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: A pregnant woman went to the ... A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked that was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard." Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?" "Yes" quite innocently came her reply. "Undress so I can check" replied the still amazed doc. So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well Madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure as hell is contagious!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Joke: Payback A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy. So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?" "Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents," replies the bartender. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?" The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: A 70-year-old man has never been ... A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -" His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Three pregnant women chatting Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting. The first one said to the others, "I'm taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system." The second said, "Oh, I'm taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall." The third said, "I'm taking Thalidomide." The others reacted, of course, with horror. "Thalidomide! Why would you take that?" "Because I don't know how to knit sleeves." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: School Zone An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. “This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying ... A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Where babies from? Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. Mother, where do babies come from? Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey. Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Jewelry, dear. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: How to Cure a Headache A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies. "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...." He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear". "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?" "Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes". Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?" "Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Do you believe in life after ... "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Camping Last summer, my husband, Bill, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Bill tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Bill pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp. “That was terrific,” I said. “How did you do it?” “Simple,” he replied. “In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Philosophy of Life A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, what is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years. "In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is." "And have you found an answer?" "Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge." "That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?" "Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "Maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Onestone There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone," so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day, a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!!!What is the moral of this story??? “You can't kill two birds with one stone!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Producing A New Gum Two men were in the process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn't have the right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named "Yewin". The other man argued adamantly. "No, No, No! It's not wetter Yewin that counts... it's how you ply the gum!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: The teacher wrote on the black... The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Fined Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. “They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe. “It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Old age stamina Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves. She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard." He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this crap but me!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: A Very Minor Sin A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?" "Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now." "Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter." "Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered. "You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: A guy was driving when a policeman ... A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: A trip to the dentist... A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Mom's Time Out My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. “Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I'd love to!” They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: One day a genie appeared to a ... One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish. The man said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime" The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?" The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy". The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2017 Report Share Posted August 18, 2017 Joke: Anything for wife? "And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked. "Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts