Should I Be Friends With My Ex?

[Guest d]

I ran into my ex today and I was very uncomfortable initially. But when he approached me and started talking to me, I felt a sense of relieve and I thought, despite all the past baggages and the painful memories, maybe I can bury the past and be friends with him. The question is, is it appropriate to add your ex to your Facebook and hopefully mend all the wrongs?

[exec_fetish]

Not for me. My ex still harbors thoughts about patching back with me, and all I wanna do is to move on. So I usually cut contact to a minimum whenever he initiates conversation with me (via sms).

My take: make a clean break and move on.

[vini]

NO!!!

[Spencer]

some people are just being so full of themselves thinking that they wanted to get back to you because they still want to be with you. some memory are worth being thrown away because they do not serve any means in your life anymore. so what if they went overseas and missed you? boys are always boys.

if its someone WORTH being friend, i would. if someone COULDNT accept who you are, they are better off dead.

[Drakey]

If that person hurt you before by cheating on you and used you to get something he wanted, then NO.

Just think normal, which kind of ppl is worth being your friend, if he is not worth it, then ignore him.

I totally ignored of 1 of my ex coz he made use of my love for him to get $ out from me, cheated on me and lied to me repeatedly. I was foolish enough to allowed him to do that to me bcoz love for him was overwhelming in the past. After breaking up, I finally came to realize that it's not that difficult leaving a bastard like him as i can see things more clearly now.

You hv to do the right thing and it will set you free.

[waterballoon]

no.

such things... have to be clear. sometimes u gotta make a clean break than to be "too nice" and allow complications. don't be stupid.

[Guest IanOh]

since he was trying to be friendly with u,

so maybe u can forgive him?

and be a normal friend ?

just say hi when run into him

:-)

Edited September 2, 2011 by IanOh

[toietmoi]

I guess it really differs situation to situation - i.e. the reasons for breaking up. He may just want to normalize things with you to avoid future awkwardness and I think that's a good mature step forward? Unless he has ulterior motives of cos.

And "hopefully mending all wrongs"? The wrongs in that relationship? Not necessary unless you foresee getting back with him lolol

Its ok to be friends with exes, but just not the closest of friends haha.

Edited September 2, 2011 by toietmoi

[Guest Guest]

why not? friends and lovers are different. have a big heart and forget the past.

if he is still harbouring thoughts of patching back and you are totally not interested anymore, then tell him straight in the face. if he insist, then that's his problem.

[deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds]

No matter who was at fault, it was in the past and time heals all.

I parted with my ex in 2002 and initially there were feelings of anger and negative thoughts.. as time goes...with the anger gone, I realized I still love him. I still care for him and wants the best for him but the love I have for him now is no longer that of an intimate relationship but truly that of a friend. I am not looking to reconcile with him but sometimes it does happen that when you can't be lovers, you can still be friends.

[TheVisitors]

The strange thing about me its that, its always my ex bfs who will manage to track and trace me down, even years have passed, just to say hi or to apologize to me for what they put me through.

I will smile and say "its alright, I don't really hate you anyway".

There will be this silence, which you decide, to give them another chance, or remain as just casual friends.

My answer is no.

The NO here doesn't mean you still habour hate , sadness, especally disappointment.

Because, once upon a time, you did love this person with all your heart and soul. And you saw the best and the most beautiful part in him

And once upon a time, when he hurt you, you finally saw the entire worst of him.

When you have experience both sides of the coin , and have lived experiencing entirely all aspects of that love story, there is nothing need to experience any more, or is there anything to hold on to.

Even if you want to be his friend, deep in your heart, you will know the answer for yourself too well.

Search deeper, you will realized you have no more feelings for him. All may be forgven, but you will feel, that even a simple basic passion to remain as a casual friend is not even there.

When you look back, at the good and the bad that have all blend together, you decide for yourself, which choice should you take from here

No matter how have they hurt you, the most important? Be that bigger person wth a bigger heart , forgive move on .

The most important is that you shall never chide yourself, blaming yourself that you were not good enough back then for the breakup.

Forgive yourself. Thank him for coming into your life once and move on freely, with no more internal baggages.

For life is indeed very strange. The person who once hurt and dumped you, may reappear 10-5 years later, serving another purpose into you life's destiny.

So never burn your bridges.

[evianwater]

No. I've had 5 Exs and i'm friends with none of them. I don't hate them. We just don't hang out or care much about each others' lives. Afterall, a break up means that both parties have to move on, seperately. It would be hard to talk to them like a normal friend because much feelings and sex were involved before the break up. The 'friendship' would be very different.

I don't think there is a need to mend any wrongdoings. After all, it was your choice to do what u did back then, and u definitely had a good reason to do whatever u did. To me, once the r/s is over, it just ends there. There's no need to make amendments or make your ex 'happier' / 'less sad'.

I think that face book is fine. Adding him / keeping him on facebook doesn't mean much actually. U're sharing snippets of your live with everybody anyway, whether they're close to you or not. So i don't think there's any harm keeping him as a friend on facebook. If he doesn't wanna know abt ur life, he can either block u or just refrain from looking at your profile, vice versa. Adding him / leaving him as a 'friend' on facebook doesn't make you his friend. It's too virtual and insincere given that we often add / accept ppl we don't reli know on fb.

[arcstar]

since he was trying to be friendly with u, so maybe u can forgive him? and be a normal friend ? just say hi when run into him :-)

why not? friends and lovers are different. have a big heart and forget the past. if he is still harbouring thoughts of patching back and you are totally not interested anymore, then tell him straight in the face. if he insist, then that's his problem.

No matter who was at fault, it was in the past and time heals all. I parted with my ex in 2002 and initially there were feelings of anger and negative thoughts.. as time goes...with the anger gone, I realized I still love him. I still care for him and wants the best for him but the love I have for him now is no longer that of an intimate relationship but truly that of a friend. I am not looking to reconcile with him but sometimes it does happen that when you can't be lovers, you can still be friends.

haha i also feel that it is alright to be friends with ur exes but just purely friends:)why have another enemy when u can have a friend instead?

[lush89]

funnily, i came to this conclusion today. well it depends on situation to situation. at the end of the day, no one here can really answer that for you.

i didn't bother keeping in contact with my first, he was an asshole. and you shouldn't have to settle for anyone who is not up to your standards. the second guy, well i didn't talk to him for a good two years, before he started to be more friendly on facebook. but the guy started to try getting back together again and i had to cut the communication.

i just got out of a relationship, one that i really truly held on a very different from my past two ones. everything went wrong really fast and it was completely unexpected but we've broken up. in the days after that, after we had our "closing" talk, i kept thinking if i wanted to get back with him and if he wanted that too. but i decided that at the end of the day, a relationship should be like a shoe. if it fits, it fits and if it doesn't, then no matter how much you force it on it's just not gonna work.

so where do you go next? when you have so much history, it's hard to be estranged, and frankly it's silly to be too. why throw it all away if you are not working out? sometimes a relationship that fails gives you a great friend. we've been talking still, though taking our time to let the healing and forgiveness take place. but hey, if he's a nice guy without any motive, why not just be friends? you just have to take it at your own level and see where you'd like to stand with this guy.

[XiaoMessy]

I ran into my ex today and I was very uncomfortable initially. But when he approached me and started talking to me, I felt a sense of relieve and I thought, despite all the past baggages and the painful memories, maybe I can bury the past and be friends with him. The question is, is it appropriate to add your ex to your Facebook and hopefully mend all the wrongs?

If there's still things to talk about, why not?

[Orpisal]

perhaps just plain plain plain plain plain friends that just go hi and bye when u see one another? or coffee or tea once in a BLUE moon?

put urself in ur bf's shoe (if u are having one now, that is), will u want him to be friends with his ex?

if u dun have a bf, good for u, but is ur ex attached now? do u want to be a third party to break them apart?

if both of u are single, then why not? there might be chances that both of you will rediscover each other and work things out this time.

the decision lies with u, especially when u are trying to "mend the wrongs". be clear of your motives and intentions. good luck!

[PaterTenebrarum]

Sure, you can be friends with him. Why not?

[sum1outhere_03]

Actually we can have a poll on this, then can see the results more obviously.

Anyway, for me is a definite no-no...

Like many, I parted with much anger as he left behind some mess to clear (don't wanna talk the details as he may be here).

Both of us had lots of issues when we parted. He initiated the parting when things weren't going too right, although I wish we could have talked things out.

But as things couldn't turn out the way we both wanted, I decided to stop replying his smses.

By the time we parted, I don't really seem to understand what's going on in his mind already. I am the soft- hearted kind, so it really took me a lot of courage to detach from him. To the extreme that I really had to change my number to avoid smsing him (my number was left on the old phone, so that helps).

I really loft the idea of pumping into ex. If I'm not wrong, I thought we might have pumped into each other in one of the mornings when I was heading to work. Both of our eyes met I guess, but that was an awkward feeling. I decided to rush off.

I know that I don't "love" him anymore, although I still want the physical attachment... But since things didn't work out, I'm glad that I've made the decision to not keep in contact with him anymore.

I admit I've checked his facebook once or twice by searching on his name, but since I've break up, I decided not to see anything on his facebook, in case I'd see something which I would not want to. I didn't add him as well.

In any case, many people would probably have different views on this issue.

Sorry for the sad story =)

[Nickolade]

I'm good friends with all my ex's. And funnily enough, I find that ex's make for better friends than they did as boyfriends. :whistle:

It is a possibility if you're sure you're not holding on to any baggage from your past with him any more and vice versa.

If both parties are ready to be friends without harbouring any hidden expectations of reconciliation, then why not.

BUT BUT BUT! If the past relationship you had with said Ex was a destructive one....with too much negativity, my advice would be to run.

RUN!

[Nickolade]

I really loft the idea of pumping into ex. If I'm not wrong, I thought we might have pumped into each other in one of the mornings when I was heading to work.....

I swear to god....I actually feel bad about finding this funny...especially since you obviously got hurt during this incident.

But...OMG....pumping the ex?

Ok....My path to hell is paved.

Apologies.

[Orpisal]

I swear to god....I actually feel bad about finding this funny...especially since you obviously got hurt during this incident.

But...OMG....pumping the ex?

Ok....My path to hell is paved.

Apologies.

haha, i think he meant bump, perhaps typo? but u are bad for laughing! lol

[sum1outhere_03]

haha, i think he meant bump, perhaps typo? but u are bad for laughing! lol

Sorry is should be bumped into? Hell ya my english sucked.

HAHAHA I know what you guys are thinkin'!

But no worries, it (pumping into him) only happens in the head now,

I can't do it for real right. :P

That would be public sex already. dun wanna get caught by police for doing that.

Edited September 3, 2011 by sum1outhere_03

[Guest No!]

My ex bf left me because of one Hu Li Jin (fox spirit) between us. After 5 years of breaking of, I lost fondness in him. When he saw me inside the sauan, he walked towards me but I ran into the dark room. He traced me there but a little challenge for him since it was dark so I darted into one of the room and lock the door until the path is clear. Than I quickly dressed up and leave the suana before we bumped into each other again.

[Guest jayy]

I suppose if it was an amicable breakup I would. But I imagine breakups aren't all that rosy (otherwise why would you be breaking up...?), and I'd want to leave all that baggage behind. No contact would probably be better...at least for awhile.