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Post-Breakup: Should I Or Should I Not?

devo

By devo
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devo Newbie

devo

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Hello everyone. It's my first thread here and this thought has been bothering me for quite a few weeks since my break-up. Just thought I could find some relief or answers here. So here it goes:

I recently ended my long distance relationship with my bf in SG. I'm actually around 2 hours' flight away from SG. I would visit my ex bf every 2 months. Basically, long story short, I had to end the relationship as I was unable to cope with how little he was putting into the relationship (e.g. no phone calls, no visits, etc) and seemed to be taking for granted the things that I've done for him. It was painful and it was my first...

As a "frequent flyer" to SG, I had to book my air ticket early. So now I'm left with this air ticket to SG for end of this month (Nov) purposely bought well in advance because his birthday is during that time and I wanted to be there with him. So the question is shall I take days off work to fly to SG (his birthday is a weekday)? Or just close my eyes and forfeit the ticket?

I am thinking it would be great to jet off to SG (can take my mind off things), but then I won't have a bf around so I'd probably be wandering aimlessly around in self pity for 6 days (23rd to 28th). Sigh... The silly things I do for my ex. Anyways... hope I'm not boring you guys. Any suggestions of what to do in the 6 days in SG? I mean I wouldn't mind shopping alone, but it wouldn't be fun to go to a pub/club alone. Anything happening during this period? I'm open to ideas...

Thanks for reading this far! Should probably end my rant here... ^_^:thumb:

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xxxpartyboixxx Newbie

xxxpartyboixxx

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Devo, since the ticket has already been purchased and if you have already set aside time from work for this trip, by all means go and have fun in SG, with or without your man. Life's full of other things to do than devote yourself blindly to some1 who will not appreciate you. Time to make friends in SG. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet some other interesting people in SG. Just relax and go with the flow. 6 days in SG will be over before you even know it ;)

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Guest Marad44

Guest Marad44

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I am with partyboi. Welcome to Singapore. Would you let your ex know? How long was the relationship? Would you give him a second chance? Are you looking to start dating in a hurry?

Edited by Marad44
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Foreign Talent Newbie

Foreign Talent

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Oh devo, I definitely think you should go ahead and come to Singapore. I like having 'me time' - I plug in my iPod and do stuff on my own, be it exercising, working out, going for long walks, going to museums/galleries, going to the theatre/cinema (okay without the iPod for that part) and just spending time focusing on me, not thinking about others.

Singapore is a great place for a holiday. Check out the Southern Ridges Walk, take time exploring the Botanic Gardens, walk the full length of East Coast Park, visit the museums and arts galleries - there's plenty of things for you to do on your own.

I'm currently abroad, otherwise I would've been happy to spend time with you. Forget your ex. But don't try to meet anyone in the meantime - just give yourself some me-time and focus on being good to yourself.

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ashtonxia Newbie

ashtonxia

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Visit sg or not : VISIT SG. You have already purchased the ticket, dude! Appreciate your blood and perspiration.

What to do? : Go to the beaches in sg. Sentosa or east coast park. Since you are alone, then just do some tanning. Dont forget your sunglasses! Peek at those young hot guys playing volleyball without their shirts on. Lol. But for me, i would like to watch japanese drama. Liar game season 1,2 and 3 are 'must watch' dramas. They will forget about your problems because they require you to think along to slove the problems.

Basically, make yourself busy. You must not forget to forget about him lol

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devo Newbie

devo

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Wow nice. Thanks everyone for the encouraging words.

I am with partyboi. Welcome to Singapore. Would you let your ex know? How long was the relationship? Would you give him a second chance? Are you looking to start dating in a hurry?

My ex is aware that I've bought the air ticket, but I expressed hesitation of going to S'pore weeks ago when we messaged. I suppose if I keep quiet of my visit to SG then he'll probably not know. But then again, I'd like to give him a present for his bday, y'know, as friends and for old times sake. Already have something in mind. Should I? Sigh... Another dilemma for me. Haha...

The relationship was short-lived. Around 5 months. So I've been to SG twice in that time span. Second chance? Hmmm... if he comes up with a good proposition, maybe. But I really doubt it. As for dating again, I actually don't mind. When I was expressing my concerns to my ex, he said that I was expecting a Hollywood-style kind of romance - only happens in movies. I was thinking how can expecting him to call me up ONCE per month be regarded as "Hollywood-style". So I'd really like to prove to myself that any other guys out there would be able to show me more love than he ever did. Or am I wrong? Was I expecting a lot? I mean there's Viber and Skype, overseas calls are now virtually free...

Singapore is a great place for a holiday. Check out the Southern Ridges Walk, take time exploring the Botanic Gardens, walk the full length of East Coast Park, visit the museums and arts galleries - there's plenty of things for you to do on your own.

What to do? : Go to the beaches in sg. Sentosa or east coast park. Since you are alone, then just do some tanning. Dont forget your sunglasses! Peek at those young hot guys playing volleyball without their shirts on. Lol.

Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions. Beaches sound great especially when there's the added bonus of spotting hot guys. Hehe... Definitely would take my mind off things. Any idea when best to visit? Reachable by MRT? Ashton, take me there? Hehehehe...

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Guest Marad44

Guest Marad44

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Hi Devo, if a reconciliation is unlikely why would you want another Singapore romance since the long distance figured as a cause of the break-up? Or are you a Singaporean working overseas?

Secondly, could you be rushing into a rebounding fling, a relationship that comes very quickly on the heels of a break-up? It is said that rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends. Even people who wanted their previous relationship to end can fall for the rebound phenomenon. I got this from http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/3thingslove_4.htm.

There is a tone of apprehension that you exhibit about meeting him. You can apply your comfort level in deciding on it.

Edited by Marad44
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devo Newbie

devo

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I am sure if you don't mind, BWers are more than happy to keep you company! If you decide to come to Singapore, just let us know. Lets go for a cup of coffee... For clubbing, we have Mr xxxpartyboixxx here!!!

Awesome, I just might take u up on that offer. Thanks a lot! :thumb:

Hi Devo, if a reconciliation is unlikely why would you want another Singapore romance since the long distance figured as a cause of the break-up? Or are you a Singaporean working overseas?

Secondly, could you be rushing into a rebounding fling, a relationship that comes very quickly on the heels of a break-up? It is said that rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends. Even people who wanted their previous relationship to end can fall for the rebound phenomenon. I got this from http://teenadvice.ab...hingslove_4.htm.

There is a tone of apprehension that you exhibit about meeting him. You can apply your comfort level in deciding on it.

I'm actully not from SG, but my ex used to work in my company before his contract ended and decided to move to SG for his new job. Long distance was more of a challenge than a problem to me, but I did many things in an attempt to overcome it. I think I did okay actually. However, I can only try for this long (because it was starting to hurt) if the other party doesn't reciprocate or show much appreciation. My ex likes to give excuses along the lines of "I'm not that much of a romantic like you are." or "I don't readily show that I care about you 'cause I'm normally in my 'zombie mode'."

I'm in no hurry to get into a new relationship, but if it happens it happens I suppose. Just that I don't think I should bind myself to this mandatory rebound time period before I embark on a new one. ^_^ Thank you for your advice though. :thumb:

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Guest Marad44

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If I had the means like you I'd save the money and focus on finding a local BF, preferably from my own culture/race. I would co-habit with my partner, like Foreign Talent and Pater. Long distance is just too mysterious & shaky.in my books.

(This could open a can of worms but I'd rather not hold my tongue. :rolleyes: )

Edited by Marad44
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devo Newbie

devo

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If I had the means like you I'd save the money and focus on finding a local BF, preferably from my own culture/race. I would co-habit with my partner, like Foreign Talent and Pater. Long distance is just too mysterious & shaky.in my books.

(This could open a can of worms but I'd rather not hold my tongue. :rolleyes: )

Well, at the time, I thought it was all worth it. I've learnt my lesson now though. Never give your partner your all 100% so easily. He's got to earn it. Otherwise, he's probably not gonna appreciate it as much, or worse, step all over it.

Thanks everyone for your valuable feedback. Shall keep you updated. Only a week to go... :huh:

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Guest Marad44

Guest Marad44

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... I thought it was all worth it. I've learnt my lesson now though. Never give your partner your all 100% so easily. He's got to earn it. Otherwise, he's probably not gonna appreciate it as much, or worse, step all over it.

Brilliant devo!

I will not lose, for even in defeat, there's a valuable lesson learned, so it evens up for me ~ Shawn Corey Carter, better known as Jay-Z, one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America

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Guest Marad44

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yes, do come to SG and when you're here just holla on BW...i'm sure people will be more than willing to hang out with u :)

CopyDat wouldn't mind hanging out? ;)

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devo Newbie

devo

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Well post here if you come over and the guys will be glad to meet for a drink.

BTW whats your type?

Hmmm... my type? Don't wanna sound too shallow, but I prefer my man to be easy on the eyes, somewhat fit, attentive and caring. :thumb:

Brilliant devo!

I will not lose, for even in defeat, there's a valuable lesson learned, so it evens up for me ~ Shawn Corey Carter, better known as Jay-Z, one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America

Guess I've learnt something after all, out of all this. Thanks for helping me realise it! :)

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devo Newbie

devo

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My ex recently watched the Taiwan movie You Are The Apple of My Eye. I was very surprised when he told me that he thought about me when watching it and he said thank you to me for loving him. Seems like a movie not to be missed. He doesn't normally "feel" for a movie. Definitely gonna catch this movie during my stay in sg. Any takers let me know.. :)

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Guest Marad44

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My ex recently watched the Taiwan movie You Are The Apple of My Eye. I was very surprised when he told me that he thought about me when watching it and he said thank you to me for loving him...
Pardon me devo but isn't this the ex whom you mentioned you were "unable to cope with how little he was putting into the relationship "? What he told you sounds very sweet. Could you have let go a guy who loves you as much as you love him but who doesn't show it as well as you do? Edited by Marad44
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devo Newbie

devo

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Pardon me devo but isn't this the ex whom you mentioned you were "unable to cope with how little he was putting into the relationship "? What he told you sounds very sweet. Could you have let go a guy who loves you as much as you love him but who doesn't show it as well as you do?

Hmmm... Let's see. He is well aware of my visit to SG and the date is fast approaching, but I'm not seeing or hearing any news or queries from him regarding whether or not my visit is going ahead as planned. I would call it sweet if he were to initiate a coffee and book my time in advance. Not so sweet when he's only saying this post-breakup probably realising he indeed has lost something.

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Guest Marad44

Guest Marad44

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Perhaps you are right. If one doesn't get the answers he figures them out himself but subjects himself to the errors in guesswork.

It can be unsettling, not knowing the correctness of your assumptions, eh?

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evianguy Apprentice

evianguy

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Hmmm... Let's see. He is well aware of my visit to SG and the date is fast approaching, but I'm not seeing or hearing any news or queries from him regarding whether or not my visit is going ahead as planned. I would call it sweet if he were to initiate a coffee and book my time in advance. Not so sweet when he's only saying this post-breakup probably realising he indeed has lost something.

Carry on with your trip as planned, come to Singapore and eat, shop and have fun at local clubs and saunas. It demonstrates to yourself and own subconscience that you've moved on past your breakup. Mentally, it'll pysch yourself up to put this failed relationship behind.

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devo Newbie

devo

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Carry on with your trip as planned, come to Singapore and eat, shop and have fun at local clubs and saunas. It demonstrates to yourself and own subconscience that you've moved on past your breakup. Mentally, it'll pysch yourself up to put this failed relationship behind.

Thank you evianguy. Yeah, I'm trying to stay strong not to look back. I mean I'm still in disbelief that he's not even curious whether or not I'm going to be flying to SG. My flight's tomorrow and it is also his birthday. Makes it all clearer that he's not worth the while. And yes, I just might take up your suggestions. Gonna do this "moving on" ritual by losing myself in the pleasures that SG can offer. Hehe...

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