Am I A Bad Date?

[trueblue]

I just got home from a really, really lousy date and I thought to myself, 'Maybe it's not xxx that made the date bad... maybe it was me!'

I do make an effort to look (somewhat) presentable, I try to be on time and I make it a point not to talk about past relationships.

I'm not fussy about food and I'm a neat eater (I don't order anything messy). Wanna watch a movie? Sure. Wanna go to the arcade? Sure. Wanna stargaze? Sure.

I take a little loosening up but usually love to hear what the other person thinks about social issues and, if he feels like he needs to, his own life.

Sure, I don't talk a lot about myself but that's only because I'm shy and don't really have anything to say - most guys don't even bother asking me about me, so why should I volunteer the information eh? And maybe I'm a little awkward with my hands... and legs.

But the best part is, I pay for my shit.

So why the fxxk is it so hard to find someone decent to go out with?

/rant

Edited August 16, 2012 by trueblue

[Hilder]

I share the same sentiments. Well, what to do? Move on and find another one. Hopefully, someone better.

[Heaven84]

well..it takes 2 hands to clap. hope your next date is a better one

[Retadin]

lol dont over evaluate. If the date went badly, it went badly. Hahaha chemistry is important i suppose. Just let it be. Done be self conscious of the way u date. I'm sure u're fine just the way it is. But i've got to say that most people dont know how to date these days. haha Those that grindr right infront of u are the worse. haha during dinner i always like to make both parties place the phone on the table face down. haha Just have a proper dinner with conversations. So far its fine. Just go out and meet more guys! =P

[GachiMuchi]

I just got home from a really, really lousy date and I thought to myself, 'Maybe it's not xxx that made the date bad... maybe it was me!'

I do make an effort to look (somewhat) presentable, I try to be on time and I make it a point not to talk about past relationships.

I'm not fussy about food and I'm a neat eater (I don't order anything messy). Wanna watch a movie? Sure. Wanna go to the arcade? Sure. Wanna stargaze? Sure.

I take a little loosening up but usually love to hear what the other person thinks about social issues and, if he feels like he needs to, his own life.

Sure, I don't talk a lot about myself but that's only because I'm shy and don't really have anything to say - most guys don't even bother asking me about me, so why should I volunteer the information eh? And maybe I'm a little awkward with my hands... and legs.

But the best part is, I pay for my shit.

So why the fxxk is it so hard to find someone decent to go out with?

/rant

What I can see from reading your post is. Expectations!

The Bigger the Expectation, The Greater the Disappointment.

When you go on a date, just go out and enjoy yourself and be yourself. Why are you are so uptight and over-think things. So what if it turns up good or bad. It's just a date. If you can't click, you just can't click. NEXT!

[SeannyShortcake]

You think you're the problem but what you're describing,you're alright?

Overly nervous and uptight.

How was it a bad date? Lol.

[trunks]

Usually look plays a big part in first dates. You need to click physically, first and foremost. If they're attracted to your appearance, usually it doesn't really matter if you're a dumb dumb or a rocket scientist, at least for some time.

So, invest in your appearance to cast a wider net first, before narrow it down. Don't judge a book by its cover - true - but an ugly cover makes it much harder to sell too.

[Guest stbrianud]

Although you have been such a bitch to me...

I feel that you are a sweet and nice guy... It's not you I suppose. Maybe you are just not his type? And have an opinion too... Don't just nod and do anything... You're a good guy.. Dont worry.. Ypu'll find someone soon man:) good luck!

[Simmon]

stbrian, he was a bitch to you? lol

Anyways TS, I somehow get the feeling that you don't think you're a bad date. And I don't think you're a bad date but it's just one side of the story. You didn't really tell us what happened to the date. Like did he say something or did he say he won't be seeing you again?

[EasleyLim]

Usually look plays a big part in first dates. You need to click physically, first and foremost. If they're attracted to your appearance, usually it doesn't really matter if you're a dumb dumb or a rocket scientist, at least for some time.

So, invest in your appearance to cast a wider net first, before narrow it down. Don't judge a book by its cover - true - but an ugly cover makes it much harder to sell too.

Haha! Hawtness can only stun me for so long. If a hot guy starts asking me whether Las Vegas is in Australia or US, I might just end the dinner right there or imma go "shhshh... Don't speak, just sit there and look pretty."

[abang]

Physical and mutual attraction are key factors for the successful outcome.

I suppose you know this person from work or some social circles and this is the very first time you are spending time alone.

**

Most locals aint very willing to speak up.

Most locals aint well-read.

So for first-date, talk something generic - like the Olympics or even, Lady Gaga or the latest fashion trend (for the younger set).

Dont discuss your political preference, 377A - dont start a heaty debate.

Always choose the right setting.

If he is of the young and sporty type, the date should not be confined indoors.

Go for a swim/tan, a jog or even try surfing at Wavehouse.

This can follow by a simple session at the hawker centre/food court.

If he prefers to wine and dine, then go for a restaurant - about $30 to $40 for the two of you.

Ask him what food he likes and talk during the date.

For me, a movie first date is a no-no.

For me, a window-shopping first date is also a no-no.

You cant know the person better.

Personally, I dislike blind dates.

If I have to do it, I choose to meet in a bookstore, such as Kino.

If the guy is a complete turn-off, just go for a drink/ice cream at a fast-food joint.

Conversely, eat at better places, lah.

[schmuckisms]

If you're nervous, start with dinner and end with drinks. With most of the real talking done after a beer or two.

But I'm not sure where your doubt is directed at. Courtship and chemistry are both essential to the game, but the former can be formulaically polished and executed well whilst the latter is really just who you are + the luck of the draw. You can't really warm up to someone you find fundamentally incompatible.

[gstc82]

U used the great original gaga Grace Jones! Are u really that boring?

[trueblue]

Thanks for all your responses. It was lousy because it seemed like he put in half the effort I did to dress up, to make conversation and to be polite. I have never been on a 'good date', so I'm starting to question my choice in guys.

:-/

[trunks]

Dating is like looking for a job. Took me some 20, 30 dates to find the right one, over the course of half a year or so.

There will always be someone who's into you. Question is will you be into them too.

[jiang2046]

I just got home from a really, really lousy date and I thought to myself, 'Maybe it's not xxx that made the date bad... maybe it was me!'

I do make an effort to look (somewhat) presentable, I try to be on time and I make it a point not to talk about past relationships.

I'm not fussy about food and I'm a neat eater (I don't order anything messy). Wanna watch a movie? Sure. Wanna go to the arcade? Sure. Wanna stargaze? Sure.

I take a little loosening up but usually love to hear what the other person thinks about social issues and, if he feels like he needs to, his own life.

Sure, I don't talk a lot about myself but that's only because I'm shy and don't really have anything to say - most guys don't even bother asking me about me, so why should I volunteer the information eh? And maybe I'm a little awkward with my hands... and legs.

But the best part is, I pay for my shit.

So why the fxxk is it so hard to find someone decent to go out with?

/rant

Don't give up trying, there are many decent and nice guys out there... 加油

[Guest phone crazy]

hate those date when the other party keep playing with his handphone even when food is serve.is it the trend nowsday to play handphone every minute?

[trunks]

Phone crazy: get the hint. He's just not that into you .

[Guest phone crazy]

trunks u wrong , he just dun want to miss the show journey to the west that he play on his handphone.

[trunks]

Haha he's into beastiality! Dress up as zhubajie next time, I'm sure he'll precum down there seeing u.

[Simmon]

Some people just don't bother dressing up. Maybe the guys you meet think they're so hot, they wake up looking like Elijah Wood (Who is hot imo). So they don't bother dressing up. But if you were to find someone who is humble and self respecting, they will dress appropriately, clean up themselves and meet you looking like a proper gentleman. Then these are probably the good catch. Those who appear in jeans and slippers can seriously just kiss my toes.

[trunks]

But jeans and slippers can be hot too, if they have good fashion sense lah. Esp those boyish looking ones. Hehe.

[Simmon]

How can that be hot? I don't know. I see guys in jeans and slippers everyday and I've never once seen one i felt was hot. It just looks sloppy to me.

[trunks]

Well different people have different tastes. Some might feel buttoning up makes them look like theyr trying too hard. Too primp and proper can be boring to some people. While casual wear can look good on the sporty kind.

That you see jeans n slippers everyday doesn't mean they r always sloppy. Some people see shirts n pants everyday and they just want a more relax mode for an outdoor date.

As long as the ensemble looks presentable and suits well with their physique, I think we shouldn't be so judgemental.

[gammaray]

What is a bad date: Not meeting the right person or not enough effort in making the date right?

[Simmon]

I think a bad date is someone who doesn't put effort in the date. It's just not right because you end up wasting your time and energy on the date.

[Wilbur]

What constitutes a bad date? I never felt that any of my dates were bad. I just had to assure that I was meeting them up as friends and not looking for any LTR and stuff. So when we part, we're friends. No disappointments. Good?

[Blacque]

hate those date when the other party keep playing with his handphone even when food is serve.is it the trend nowsday to play handphone every minute?

With regards to that, it means that either the other party is REALLY busy with his social contacts/work/family events orrrrrr he's really not interested in you, hence keeping himself occupied with his phone as a distraction.

[XiaoMessy]

You just haven't found anyone. =/

[Marineboy]

Trueblue

I would recommend if possible remain email frens first....emails can be long thought out and sharing this way one can understand and know the other party a lot better.

This is the time to air you questions and views about really anything that crosses your mind...interests...religion...entertainment...fetishes...

There is no rush to meet up....once you guys enjoy your changes and when you meetup i think the ice is broken and perhaps it'll be less 2nd guessing too.

It works for me...from the first email to meetup was a long 4months(it started with one email in a few days the rest is history)....we clicked from the start and still together 12years and counting.

There was also the sound advice given by Machi i think....the greater the expextation the greaterthe dissapointment.

First accept people for who they are...share and grow....mutual understanding...if unable then NEXT better player please hehe

All the Best

[panache]

hahaha this phone thing reminds me of a date i had before who kept playing his PSP instead of even bothering to talk to me.. it was damn awkward and needless to say we never kept in contact after that. maybe he wasn't that into me but that doesn't mean one should be plain rude!

and another one was really quite sweet and nice but just too agreeable with me. he agreed with almost everything i said and i found him to be boring and trying too hard. lack of chemistry although he's quite cute and well-built too.

[Behrhunter]

Physical and mutual attraction are key factors for the successful outcome.

I suppose you know this person from work or some social circles and this is the very first time you are spending time alone.

**

Most locals aint very willing to speak up.

Most locals aint well-read.

So for first-date, talk something generic - like the Olympics or even, Lady Gaga or the latest fashion trend (for the younger set).

Dont discuss your political preference, 377A - dont start a heaty debate.

If he prefers to wine and dine, then go for a restaurant - about $30 to $40 for the two of you.

Ask him what food he likes and talk during the date.

For me, a movie first date is a no-no.

For me, a window-shopping first date is also a no-no.

You cant know the person better.

Personally, I dislike blind dates.

If I have to do it, I choose to meet in a bookstore, such as Kino.

If the guy is a complete turn-off, just go for a drink/ice cream at a fast-food joint.

Conversely, eat at better places, lah.

Abang is definitely speaking from experience. Yes .. NO serious topics, cos if you guys have differing opinions, it causes tension. Politics is an excuse for me to press your self eject button. Movies is something I absolutely don't understand. We come out with the intention to get to know each other and all we do is stuff ourselves into a dark room where for 2 hours or so, you do not talk to each other.

Anyway it is just a mismatch of personality, that's all. Take it as the 'personality-job-fit' theory instead its like 'personality-personality-fit' this time.

To TS: I can't really say much about dressing at this point of time cos of the limited information that I know of your situation. But wrt to the dressing part, it pretty much works both ways. He might just find that you over dressed the occasion. I am not saying that you are but I have been out with dates who dressed like he is going to be a cast in Phantom of the opera when all we did was go to coffee bean.

Until the end .. there is a part of me that agrees with some of the posts that mentions "he is just not that into you." My friend's mom always likes this saying that when you take a liking for a person even his/her fart smells fragrant. Crude but true hahahah