Solicit Sex/fun From Forums And Apps = Slut And Desperate?

[Wilbur]

I've been wanting to ask this for the longest time.

Why do people go around finding sex with different people? Be it over the forums, the gay apps or IRC etc. I understand the urge and being horny and stuff but do you really have to be that desperate? For sex? I've seen a great number of posts here of people wanting to meet up for a quick fun or having a place for sex. WHY??

I've been surviving for long enough without having sex with random strangers etc. Arranging for sex, meeting up at certain places or anyone's place for fun etc. The thought of it is already extremely disgusting enough to me. Having no knowledge of how many other dirty people he had fun with or whether he is carrying any disease(s) or not. I may sound like a really conservative person but if you want sex, why not settle down with someone and then have sex in a date/relationship?

This is definitely something I wouldn't accept of my future boyfriends if I know he used to or is still soliciting sex from all these sleazy channel. The thought of me sharing his penis with 20 other people in recent years would be too much for me to handle. Advertising yourself for fun or sex immediately gives me the impression that you're both too desperate and loose.

Anyone with me? Or against what I've said? Do comment.

[bailey]

you probably offended 90% of the gays out there... including me...

we may be sluts, but never desperate... haha

but different strokes for different folks, hope you find someone holding the same view-point as you,

but i wouldn't hold my breath, looking at the ginormous no of apps/forums/sauna/massage users specifically looking for sex

you can be horny in 1 min vs having to date for weeks before you can have sex... yikes...

all i can say is if you want to have casual sex, pls protect yourself & be safe

[Guest ongwsjackson]

It's quite a breath of fresh air to see someone else my age that's like minded.

Edited January 1, 2016 by jacksonongws

[whatthehell8801]

My sentiments exactly. I'm also sick of people posing to look for friends, but in fact they just want to get you in bed.

[fenghou]

if we live in a open society where homosexuals can hold hands and walk down the street without being ridiculed and be respected

i would agree wholeheartedly with you

but in Singapore, homosexuals are often repressed. which leads to us being more desperate

it's no excuse for us to be more promiscuous, but let's try and be more forgiving

[derryfawne]

Actually, I kinda agree that although we get horny sometimes, we can easily choose to abstain. Sex is no nicotine.

But bailey has a fair point too, haha. Many gays are sluts, but not desperate.

[-zee-]

I agree with you TS. I am not that type either. It is a shame that just about any straight Tom Dick or Harry can come into this forum and that this premiscous activity is being observed abt our community, as it is quite prevalent among the 'Personal'. I mean, at least be more discrete, right?

Edited September 11, 2012 by -zee-

[Wilbur]

you probably offended 90% of the gays out there... including me...

we may be sluts, but never desperate... haha

but different strokes for different folks, hope you find someone holding the same view-point as you,

but i wouldn't hold my breath, looking at the ginormous no of apps/forums/sauna/massage users specifically looking for sex

you can be horny in 1 min vs having to date for weeks before you can have sex... yikes...

all i can say is if you want to have casual sex, pls protect yourself & be safe

90% sounds a little exaggerating Haha I'm sure many out there are like that but it's not as high as 90%. Well I won't say what you said is wrong but well to me, dating is also a great journey that we'll experience. It's also like working hard for something before getting your reward (good sex), ALSO with the person you're infatuated with rather with some other not so attractive but like minded strangers. If you're going for short term body gratification then yes, your argument is valid and I'm in no position to say it's wrong.

if we live in a open society where homosexuals can hold hands and walk down the street without being ridiculed and be respected

i would agree wholeheartedly with you

but in Singapore, homosexuals are often repressed. which leads to us being more desperate

it's no excuse for us to be more promiscuous, but let's try and be more forgiving

So what you're trying to say is that since we're being excluded from the freedom of love and actions, we should ditch our moral values as well and seek revenge against the unjust by abusing our bodies? And respect to me is being earned, not given by just putting out your hands. We have in the industry various celebs or great people who're being respected despite being gay. Though we're often being ridiculed by the straight community, (I wouldn't say media now since things are getting better), I don't see why that's a reason to be promiscuous either. My humble 2cents

[fenghou]

So what you're trying to say is that since we're being excluded from the freedom of love and actions, we should ditch our moral values as well and seek revenge against the unjust by abusing our bodies? And respect to me is being earned, not given by just putting out your hands. We have in the industry various celebs or great people who're being respected despite being gay. Though we're often being ridiculed by the straight community, (I wouldn't say media now since things are getting better), I don't see why that's a reason to be promiscuous either. My humble 2cents

i'm saying we should be more understanding, I do not condone of them, but be less judgmental

if a poor boy who has been starved for days stole money so that he can buy food, are you gonna crucify him?

vis-a-vis

a man with all four capable limbs robs and steal because he's too lazy to work and want the easy way out

which one is more sinful???

in both instances, the act of stealing, taking things that does not belong is wrong

but are you gonna use the same scales to judge the hungry boy and the man??

there are people who lead a double life, who can't be who they are in the real world

they have to act like someone they are not, hide their desires and in the process, got lost in the maze of self identity and desire

are you gonna judge them the same as how you're gonna judge the condemned ??

well that is unless a perfectly fine and emotionally fulfilled person choose and seek the forbidden fruit instead of being contented with what he has, then by all means.

be more forgiving

Edited September 11, 2012 by fenghou

[evianguy]

Do whatever makes you feel happy, don't label others and don't let others label you and most of all don't let any label stop you from being who you are.

To thy own self be true.

[azimuth]

I reckon there is really no right and wrong in this issue. If by doing A makes you happy, go ahead and do it. For every decision you make, there are always pros and cons.

[Guest Glyph]

What about cruising and saunas then? It's just one of the many sources to get laid.

If you think about it, it's relatively hard to be just doing your own stuff and getting some. We are all guys after all.

[doncoin]

Live and let live.

There are those of us who choose to be sluts or go through a slutty phase before settling down. Some of us take a longer time to get there. What is wrong being a slut? Who is the slut really hurting? It is an individual choice.

To me personally, it is not about being desperate, it is all about having fun. After my last relationship ended, I went through, and probably still am going through the phase but I think I may be settling down soon.

For some guys, the need for sexual gratification may be an addiction issue. Some people use sex as a coping mechanism to fill some void in their life: loneliness, rejection etc.

[luke84]

sometimes i guess we still tends to judge others?

what other people does in their private life is theirs to be concern.

I used to have ONS but was really grossed out, after the desire is released.

Therefore, for me, I guess i still believe in monogamy, and preferable no casual sex.

BUT i respect others for their decision in their sexual life.

and as for my partner ( if i ever gets one),

what happen before he is with me, is not what i care about,

i am more concern about what happens when he is with me.

We have no right to judge others, just like the Straight people have no right to judge us

[GachiMuchi]

I've been wanting to ask this for the longest time.

Why do people go around finding sex with different people? Be it over the forums, the gay apps or IRC etc. I understand the urge and being horny and stuff but do you really have to be that desperate? For sex? I've seen a great number of posts here of people wanting to meet up for a quick fun or having a place for sex. WHY??

I've been surviving for long enough without having sex with random strangers etc. Arranging for sex, meeting up at certain places or anyone's place for fun etc. The thought of it is already extremely disgusting enough to me. Having no knowledge of how many other dirty people he had fun with or whether he is carrying any disease(s) or not. I may sound like a really conservative person but if you want sex, why not settle down with someone and then have sex in a date/relationship?

This is definitely something I wouldn't accept of my future boyfriends if I know he used to or is still soliciting sex from all these sleazy channel. The thought of me sharing his penis with 20 other people in recent years would be too much for me to handle. Advertising yourself for fun or sex immediately gives me the impression that you're both too desperate and loose.

Anyone with me? Or against what I've said? Do comment.

I took a look at your member profile and found out that you are only 23yo. So I can understand why you post the way you post. Totally understandable.

Give you a few years and a few relationships later and I would sure like see your views again.

Anyway, don't be too judgement over what others do. You don't eat meat does not mean that others can't eat meat either.

[bailey]

I agree with you TS. I am not that type either. It is a shame that just about any straight Tom Dick or Harry can come into this forum and that this premiscous activity is being observed abt our community, as it is quite prevalent among the 'Personal'. I mean, at least be more discrete, right?

I don't get it, how discrete do you want it to be, this is already a gay forum... any more discrete we'll be communicating in Morse code...

Also not sure why you are so concerned about how promiscuous we looked to the outside world, i'm sure the websites peddling straight pxxn/escort/hookup are more prevalent than our "Personal" section.

[Guest Glyph]

I believe it's discreet.

[bailey]

90% sounds a little exaggerating Haha I'm sure many out there are like that but it's not as high as 90%. Well I won't say what you said is wrong but well to me, dating is also a great journey that we'll experience. It's also like working hard for something before getting your reward (good sex), ALSO with the person you're infatuated with rather with some other not so attractive but like minded strangers. If you're going for short term body gratification then yes, your argument is valid and I'm in no position to say it's wrong.

I'm sure you have your principles on what sex means to you, i applaud your ideals, but i take offence on the word "desperate".

that to me is a derogatory term to stereotype all the app/forum sluts users who used these channels to satisfy their urges.

at least they are upfront about it, rather than some users who professes <only for chat here> but really wanted sex la

[TheVisitors]

Lighten up Willbur

Just take sex as food for the body and soul, because we all have to eat somehow

If you just imagine having a buffet is like an orgy, a five course five star French dinner is like your romantic sex. extra toppings and igredient on your food is like chem and popper sex, and your quickies are your junk fast food

Just because your junk food is very unhealthy, that doesnt mean your caviar will not clog your arteries

So. eat what you like and choose whichever mode and ambience that tickles your fancy

But becareful what you put in your mouth, otherwise you may get food allergy, or a very bad case of diarrhea

[Little Mikey]

Well refraining yourself from having fun with strangers doesn't mean you are conservative Wilbur. And it doesn't mean that you are mature than others either. Because there are so many mature men out there at the age of 40s 50s still look for quick fun everyday. It's just that we have different mindsets, values and perspective.

Some people'd prefer to have no relationship at all because they worry about feeling hurt when they break up. So they find that having sex with different strangers and changing fxxk buddies often is a good idea to avoid falling for someone. Or there some others having a r/s but they don't even have trust in it. They may say something like: "gay relationship never last." well they are the ones having a b/ f but always go crusing around and have a few fxxk partners to make sure they have a replacement unit and feel less insecure.

Or there are some people who are so busy (an excuse, they are just simply lazy) that they have no time to have proper and meaningful conversations, dating out for a few times or exploring each other more (well not qns like "what's your stats", "your size?","wanna have fun?","i have place, you want a free dick service?"...they are not proper talks.) They are afraid of being responsible and being involved for the one they love. They can easily get someone and fxxk him after 5 mins like grabbing a burger in a fast food restaurant to satisfy their hunger without having to think too much about relationship' s troubles, responsibilites, commitment,.. They like it since they don't have to put up so much effort but still can fxxk or be fxxked because there are so many folks like them. Well that's their choice. Maybe you haven't found a kindred spirit yet wilbur. But birds of a feather flock together. Your special someone have to share the same values as yours.

About the diseases, there are so many diseases other than HIV and i find that some people are just so ignorant. We can still get some STDs even already wearing condoms. So hope there are more sex education for gays, especially the STDs: how to prevent, what should we do and where to go when we get one.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Little Mikey

[Little Mikey]

Well maybe i have no food allergy and never had diarrhea b4, i still cant swallow the presentable food on the table if i don't know the origin, the person who prepare the dish and whether it's hygiene or not!

[Little Mikey]

Wilbur i just found out one more type. Those are the ones thinking just like you in their 20s, having hopes and longing for their relationship with the man they truly love but then they were dumped, betrayed, cheated or their man get married. They then totally lost trust in monogamous relationship and call themselves: "experienced" gays. They find someone just to release the urge. Hmm not really like grabbing a junk food in mac donald but more like picking a fancy food on the street in China. Eat at your own risks. Maybe they are going to have fun with strangers for the rest of their life...omg wait maybe not...after 50s i think they can hardly find someone since their dicks can't erect, their holes are sooo lloose.

[merlinkun]

Form the mouth of Brian Kinney:

Edited September 11, 2012 by merlinkun

[Little Mikey]

@merlinkun. I think brian kinney's so pathetic. I don't think he is that hot that everyone wants him badly. I love Michael and Ted more though

[merlinkun]

@merlinkun. I think brian kinney's so pathetic. I don't think he is that hot that everyone wants him badly. I love Michael and Ted more though

Some people are like Mich, some people are like Brian, some people are like Justin.

That's what make this world so wonderful, because everyone have different opinions.

Whether it is right, or is it wrong, what's more important is the consequences of one's action.

Regardless, I find it interesting to listen to all views and see why and how they defend their statements.

[He-man]

I don't get it, how discrete do you want it to be, this is already a gay forum... any more discrete we'll be communicating in Morse code...

Also not sure why you are so concerned about how promiscuous we looked to the outside world, i'm sure the websites peddling straight pxxn/escort/hookup are more prevalent than our "Personal" section.

I too agree that this discreet enough....haha...Don worry about having the straights judging our community....this is happening among the straights as well...which to me is not wrong...its a matter of personal choice....

Some prefer love then sex...

Some sex then love....

Some just love.....

Some just sex.....

Take your pick.......

[doncoin]

Reading this discussions, got me thinking more about it. If soliciting sex/fun from forum and apps=slut and desperate, then for Wilbur who posted this, assuming that he does not engage in such behavior, does this mean he is a paragon of virtue and self-assurance?

At the end of it all, if the guy who chooses be a slut, does so un-apologetically, and there are people who are more than willing to engage into a sexual tryst with him, why not? I don't think being a slut means that person is desperate. It just means he is easy.

[Guest -guest87-]

This is definitely something I wouldn't accept of my future boyfriends if I know he used to or is still soliciting sex from all these sleazy channel. The thought of me sharing his penis with 20 other people in recent years would be too much for me to handle. Advertising yourself for fun or sex immediately gives me the impression that you're both too desperate and loose.

I am 25 this year and I have never solicited sex from all these phone apps and internet channels before. And like you, I told myself that I would never accept it if my future boyfriend used to do this.

But reality turned out otherwise. Early this year, I got to know this guy. During the dating stage, I asked him if he has ever engaged in casual sex and he said no. And that was why I proceeded to consider him further as a potential boyfriend and eventually got attached to him. By the 3rd month of our relationship, he started to spill the beans and admitted to his colourful past. I was extremely furious in the beginning and I even scolded him for cheating me into entering a relationship with him. He was extremely apologetic and he promised me that he has never and will never cheat in a relationship.

When I learned of his past, my first instinct was to break up with him. But I have already fallen deep for him. It's easy to be logical and idealistic when you are still single. But when you actually immerse yourself in reality, sometimes, you can only ask yourself, what is more important. Is your love for him more important than the moral values that you hold?

We are still together today, I guess relationship stronger than prior to the revelation. I won't deny that a small part of me is still trying to get over his past and I know he is remorseful and ashamed of his past. But I told him that if I ever find out that he cheats on me, there is simply no such thing as a second chance; I will drop him and leave without second thought, no matter how painful it would be for me.

[gammaray]

I prefer someone not seeking casual sex with complete stranger every other day. Doesn't sound so appealing that he's been used over a thousand times.

Funny thing is when someone very special enters into our life, its hard to compel and act logically to the ideal qualities and personalities we've preset in our mind. Emotion is the worst enemy. Perhaps that's why most people often commit a mistake either for love or money.

Well, never say never too early. People change along with time, so do relationships. But I'll stand with you Wilbur. I'm as complex as it is. :smokin:

[Sticky&Sweet]

Blah blah blah ... oh please. Get over yourselves.

Basic premise - I'm horny, he's horny. I want it. He wants it. We do it. We both leave happy. Did I hurt him? No. Did he hurt me? Well, it's a little painful, but with a generous amount of lube, it feels good. We get our basic needs satisfied, we move on to do our own things.

So... what's so wrong with that? Just be responsible, protect yourself. Don't harm yourself with drugs and all that paraphernalia.

You only think having sex with multiple partners is dirty or unwholesome if you attach a stigma or a perceived moral value to it. Who dictated it in the first place? You guys have been brainwashed too much by Hollywood movies and so called Asian / conservative / religious values. Sex, trust me, is over rated. HIGHLY over rated. Don't dwell too much into it. It's not something that's borne out of love and all that shit. That's poison fed to you by straight religious conservatives. And the whole premise is a simple one - man and woman must love each other in order to procreate and have a happy family & environment to bring up a happy kid.

But we're gay. So this has turned the whole premise on it's head.

So sex is just sex. If it comes with love, 200% yes. If not, it's good on it's own.

And Wilbur, get down that high horse and put on some clothes in your avatar if you don't want to look slutty yourself.

[iamziz]

I guess at the end of the day whatever you do as long it doesn't hurt anyone or hurt yourself and your loved one, it is none of anyone's business. Why let others dictate what you can or cannot do. Slut or not, desperate or not - the important thing is: Don't hurt yourself and anyone in doing what you are doing.

And always remember, when you finally fall for someone not to use his past to judge him. You want to love him from 'today' not 'yesterday'. He might have been a whore/slut 'yesterday' but 'today' he might be making an effort to be a loving partner and he might fail along the way. As a loving partner yourself, you don't despise him and use his past to demoralise him but help him to move on with you.

Not everyone looking for sex to fill up someone's ass or having his ass filled. Not everyone have sex because of sex. It can be a form of an escapism, anger, loneliness, sadness.

Of course those who advertise for friendship and saying 'Not for fun' or 'fxxk off if you want sex' but when they see someone's nice topless body and suddenly that changes, then you need to be weary of this kind of people who change their mind like changing their underwear. Oooppss changing underwear is not really too soon. Maybe deciding to eat nasi lemak with chicken or nasi lemak with fish

[Guest Ironrod]

Blah blah blah ... oh please. Get over yourselves.

And Wilbur, get down that high horse and put on some clothes in your avatar if you don't want to look slutty yourself.

Ahah that's what on my mind too! Who are u trying to seduce with a shirtless pix Wilbur.

U know what is the worst kind of guy?

Those who wants to be your bf just to have your body in the end sick of u and dump u.

Some guys like boys like u Wilbur, they will seduce your pure heart, fxxk u silly and after 3 mths dump u.

Uglier guys with your mindset will remain a virgin till they are 35-40 and start to regret what they have miss.

You can condemn ppl whom seek sex casually but I condemn ppl whom seek the heart and destroy it.

[tblee]

Sex is fun when it is just two guys getting together to share in pleasure and horse around. I feel so nice that I can connect intimately with someone in that way. In the past when I was overseas on long term and finding a partner was not an option, fun sex with someone allowed me to feel close to another human being, albeit temporarily.

Sex is not sleazy, dirty, wrong or immoral. These are all prejudices from Judeo-Christian values.

There is nothing wrong with seeking out sex for recreation, just as there's nothing wrong with not wanting sex unless it's with someone you care about. Excessive sex becomes a problem when it is compulsive. Equating abstinence with virtue is also incorrect. Just because you choose not to sleep around doesn't mean you're automatically a good person.

[Guest alfred]

Why concern yourself with those rodents? They are indoctrinated with the belief that there is nothing wrong with casual sex or promiscuity. Leave them alone and let them rot. You dont have to express how pathetic their life is, any morally sound person can differentiate whats proper and not. There is no salvation nor hope for these abominations.

[Butterscotch]

Woah woah alfred, there is not need to be condescending with your comments.

To Wilbur, like everyone else has said, different strokes for different folks. It's not necessarily a right thing, but not wrong either. We are all adults here, and there are times when sexual desires take over intensely. Some seek a person to satisfy themselves, others withhold from it, and most of us would use our right (or left) hand. Being sexually active is not indicative of promiscuity and desperation.

Perhaps you have worded it a little too harshly. I understand coming from your point of view though for others it may seem that you are too high up on your moral horse over there.

Take it easy everyone

[LucasMediantor]

Ahah that's what on my mind too! Who are u trying to seduce with a shirtless pix Wilbur.

U know what is the worst kind of guy?

Those who wants to be your bf just to have your body in the end sick of u and dump u.

Some guys like boys like u Wilbur, they will seduce your pure heart, fxxk u silly and after 3 mths dump u.

Uglier guys with your mindset will remain a virgin till they are 35-40 and start to regret what they have miss.

You can condemn ppl whom seek sex casually but I condemn ppl whom seek the heart and destroy it.

Well said, my friend! Haha...Always appreciative your words

Well 23 y/o or below always got that thinking.... The fighting between your horniness and virgin, between your brain and cock is neverending.... If ur lucky, u might get the guy who really loves u and treat u like a rose in the world ....But if ur unlucky, u might be likely to get a horny but SWEET guy who are professional in seducing guys to fxxk u ( This kind of guy usually likes virgin boys ) and then dump u after 1-3 months, and give u a big scar deep inside your heart forever.... After that, the consequence is that u would lose your hope in gays and love, and u would also think that anyway u lost your virgin, and lost belief in people, and u would go around to play without any consideration as u did b4.....

So, last but not least, u only can grow after pain.... The roads of the life are never covered by rose..... Just wander yourself more in the circle and see what is going to happen..... A princess or a wolf will come, u never can foretell..... But dun lose your hope in people. Because "If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can't take away my dignity"...... U will grow more and more at the end of your days, even u must get pain, for sure!

Hugs from Lucas

Edited September 12, 2012 by HaThaiQuang

[Guest Guest]

small kid like to talk loud, well, hope when you are old, your thinking and soul are still the same way now, pure as a white paper

[LucasMediantor]

small kid like to talk loud, well, hope when you are old, your thinking and soul are still the same way now, pure as a white paper

I can not make sure ur pointing me or Wilbur, cos we have the same age..... But rmb, NEVER underestimate young boys or kids, as u said.... How many scientists must say WOW to those kids who are amazingly innovative and got full originality in many aspects..... In this aspect, I also must say nothing is impossible.....

Have u ever the story of a fish and a lotus? The fish was always under the mud, and smelly and stinky, then he looked up to the sky, he realized there was a lotus blossoming, and he laughed at the lotus and teased the lotus: " No matter how beautiful ur, at last u would be dirtied and never be washed to be as beautiful and clean as u were".... The lotus did not care about that, and everytime the mud touched her, she just purified it and still blossomed strongly to say to the world that even she is living in the mud but she is still as the first time she existed in the world..

Btw as Gachi Muchi said, its not because u dun eat meat, and u think people also dun eat meat, ok?

So, please, dun because ur the fish living under the mud, and u think everything will be dirtied in the same way u were...... Everyone has different spirits and determinations, so dun because u could not resist having sex and maintaining your virgin, and u think that other guys also would be the same.... He still have a belief and hope, dun come to destroy it in the way ur speaking loudly...... Because hope is EVERLASTING....

Take note: Im telling to thsi GUEST, not offending anyone here, cos I said, people have different spirits, determinations, ideas, and views...... I m not judging anyone who likes to have sex or ONS..... Only GOD can do that..... Im just meaning that this guest had better not think that people can not do what he could not be able to do... Thanks for your understanding!!!

Edited September 12, 2012 by HaThaiQuang

[gongtang]

Hey, i share the exact same view as you... i also feel really sad... why is this only occuring in the gay circle??? Why cant gays just behave like straight people, in terms of sexual activities. Yes we do see straight ppl looking for sex with random ppl, but its only so few number of them doing it... WHY ISIT IN THE GAY CIRCLE, sex with random ppl is so common??? If we dunt behave and love ourselves, how r we going to expect the society to accept us and treat us equally? We shld just behave ourself, just like straight ppl. Sorry if i offend a lot of u... just feel really sad n hav to say out....

[Sticky&Sweet]

Why concern yourself with those rodents? They are indoctrinated with the belief that there is nothing wrong with casual sex or promiscuity. Leave them alone and let them rot. You dont have to express how pathetic their life is, any morally sound person can differentiate whats proper and not. There is no salvation nor hope for these abominations.

Let's see here ... insults, insults, insults ... and more insults. Right. No a single morsel of argument here. Alright Alfred, you've been written off as being stupid. You may go back to your mouse hole now.

[Sticky&Sweet]

Hey, i share the exact same view as you... i also feel really sad... why is this only occuring in the gay circle??? Why cant gays just behave like straight people, in terms of sexual activities. Yes we do see straight ppl looking for sex with random ppl, but its only so few number of them doing it... WHY ISIT IN THE GAY CIRCLE, sex with random ppl is so common??? If we dunt behave and love ourselves, how r we going to expect the society to accept us and treat us equally? We shld just behave ourself, just like straight ppl. Sorry if i offend a lot of u... just feel really sad n hav to say out....

Young boy (and I say that in a condescending manner),

1. How does having more frequent sex with multiple partners equate to not loving ourselves and not behaving? Please explain.

2. So few straight people having random sex with other people? REALLY? *LOL* So ... let's take a look at the most recent scandals in Singapore ... hmm .. oh yeah, underaged prostitute have sex with 40+ random men. Any GAY prostitute got caught with 40+ clients? No. Less straight people having random sex than compared to gay people my ass. I've eaten more salt than you've eaten rice. You don't know what you're talking about.

[LucasMediantor]

Hey, i share the exact same view as you... i also feel really sad... why is this only occuring in the gay circle??? Why cant gays just behave like straight people, in terms of sexual activities. Yes we do see straight ppl looking for sex with random ppl, but its only so few number of them doing it... WHY ISIT IN THE GAY CIRCLE, sex with random ppl is so common??? If we dunt behave and love ourselves, how r we going to expect the society to accept us and treat us equally? We shld just behave ourself, just like straight ppl. Sorry if i offend a lot of u... just feel really sad n hav to say out....

Sorry although u agreed with me, but your writing showed something wrong... Maybe u did not wander in straight forum, they also got a lot of hookups and fxxking around as the guys in the gay circle.... Rmb that straight guys have exactly what gay guys also have in their pants, so no many differences here in terms of sex desire).... U just did not see it, so ur assuming it

Btw having sex with random people does not mean u are not loving yourself or not., unless ur playing bareback... Haha.....

Sorry, my friend, but I just wanna correct something here and be fair for all, not because u were on my side!

Edited September 12, 2012 by HaThaiQuang

[gongtang]

Okay maybe im really wrong.. sorry lo. I said that becos i looked at the friends around me... all my gay friends are involved in sex with random ppl before...and i cant hardly find straight frens that r involved in sex with random ppl. Anyway, that sex scandal example, i find it kind of invalid.... maybe im conservative or something, but if i were to explain the part where i tik having sex with random ppl means not loving ourself, i think i will get backfired more lol. Aiya, just stick to the way u think lo, and i just stick to the way i think lo...

[The.Intrv.]

Edited September 12, 2012 by The.Intrv.

[Chub71]

Live the way you want and want the way you live. You have certain believes? Good for you. If you don't have an idea, ask around to get an idea. How you want to live is up to you and how others want to live is up to them. Who has sex with whom or many sexual partners is up to them. At the end you don't answer for their lives so why does having many sex partners bother you? As long as you live happily that's all that matters. Unless it bothers you sooooo much, then don't do it yourself. I agree with the matured friends here...I'd love to hear your comments here again when you reach our age. But you know what? We might be dead by then...hahaha So a word wisdom from an uncle here; Live your life the way you want. We simply live ours. Clear young man?

[Chub71]

Oh oh yah....and the next time you roll out your condom, please make sure your partner agrees to only have sex with you till the day you die. If not, please don't even put it on. Judging from the rule of thumb in our current gay society, 2 years is considered too long being together. So....until you take your last breath, do yourself a favor, don't roll it out on your dick or open your ass to anyone until you are sure and you are super sure he's the only one for you. Ideally please do it before your life expires. Then that's for certain you are his one and only sex partner.

[Wilbur]

Hey guys! Thanks a lot for all the replies. I've read every single one of them. And also thanks to those who didn't comment but sent a message to my profile, thanks too

I particularly like the posts made by Little Mikey as he presented a balanced argument. Much of the rest are pretty much uncles getting defensive over their promiscuous behavior and started arguing and stuff. In another words, calling me to mind my own business. But Hey! This is a forum to begin with and I started my post by asking for more opinions. If you come in and get offended by what I'm saying (without having an open mind) then there's not much to talk about since we both are on different frequencies.

I took a look at your member profile and found out that you are only 23yo. So I can understand why you post the way you post. Totally understandable.

Give you a few years and a few relationships later and I would sure like see your views again.

Anyway, don't be too judgement over what others do. You don't eat meat does not mean that others can't eat meat either.

I'd like to take GM's reply to respond to those who thinks guys my age are immature and too young to understand. I agreed that I was pretty judgemental when making the first post. However, it doesn't mean that being at my age I can't differentiate what is right and what is wrong. Let us all imagine that we're all parents of daughters. Your daughters are going out finding sex from different strangers all the time. By the time she wants to settle down, she already had ONS with more than 30partners. Tell me you wouldn't be annoyed for her behavior.

And please stop being whiny and say things like "oh Wilbur is 23yo, he's high up on the pedestal and so pure as a white piece of paper blah blah blah" You're not replying to the argument. This is also why many young gays refused to hang out with older ones because they have the same 1950s mentality that "I eat salt more than you eat rice so you have to listen to me".

small kid like to talk loud, well, hope when you are old, your thinking and soul are still the same way now, pure as a white paper

You started by saying "Small kid like to talk loud" probably meant that you were annoyed with what I've written. And wishing me well doesn't make up for it. Shows how "mature" you are uncle

Why concern yourself with those rodents? They are indoctrinated with the belief that there is nothing wrong with casual sex or promiscuity. Leave them alone and let them rot. You dont have to express how pathetic their life is, any morally sound person can differentiate whats proper and not. There is no salvation nor hope for these abominations.

I wouldn't call this group of people rodents Alfred but why am I so concerned with this? Because a huge part of them makes up the circle. And also to see how many people are for or against such behaviors. I can see that you're sitting on one extreme end for the matter

Blah blah blah ... oh please. Get over yourselves.

And Wilbur, get down that high horse and put on some clothes in your avatar if you don't want to look slutty yourself.

Replying to this, I'm sure you heard of the phrase "pot calling the kettle black" right? Well I never thought I ever need to explain the origin for my avatar but I'll say here. It is just for friends (I'm not sure if you have any) to recognise that it's me when I'm typing. Another reason being I'm pretty narcissistic. Definitely not trying to get sex invitations. Anyway it is also those messages and annoying invitations that prompted me to start this thread.

You've well justified your reasons for casual sex. With that, I wish you all the best

To all others, thanks for your responses. It's good to see the various responses on the issue. I'm not trying to prove I'm right or whatsoever in the first place. And I've come to the realisation that I need to be more open minded about this and being less judgmental. To each his own. But that doesn't mean that I agree that casual sex with random strangers is something that should be advocated. But nevertheless, I wish you guys GOOD SEX all the way

Cheers

[GachiMuchi]

Hmm, I would like to reiterate that when I said it is understandable why you post the way you post is because, many young guys your age have a certain ideals and limited experience, so they look at things a little different from those older guys.

I did not say you are immature in my post, just that I can understand where you are coming from. Your text book reasoning and the narrow view are understandable because you had limited experience and thus your view will not be as wide and open as those whom are older and better travel. Eventually when you get older, your world view and societal views will gets wider and thus, you will look at things a little differently.

So I would really like to hear your views in 10 year's time and maybe 20 year's time. Do remember to post on BW then, so others can see your progress.

[Guest Blaidd_drwg]

Having read through everyone's views, the two camps can be summarised into the following:

- The "experienced", aged, live and let live individuals

- The "inexperienced", young, idealistic individuals

I can say this for certainty. This "experience" is merely cynicism disguised as false wisdom. Seniors pretend to be realistic. In fact, they are cynics. Two different modes of thought. Reality is knowing your animal desires and taking steps to balance it between your individual needs and the expectations of society. And yes, we have such a way called commitment. Sleeping around is too individualistic, abstinence and external directives is too collectivised. A middle path of being able to think for one's self and one's community has been the way to go since the dawn of humankind.

Sure, we can harp on the "I eat more salt than you do" concept or the attack of persona (like one's age). But as far as I have noticed, this defensive counterattack is against the cynic's ownselves whom have fallen from these ideals themselves and the confusion of questioning their own way of life for the longest time.

Sure, if you see casual sex as acceptable and more so, encouraged for the fulfillment of wanton sexual desire, by all means do it, as a free individual in the jungles. This is society in which multiple humans come together with an unwritten rule to collaborate and build. There will be sacrifices of the individual for the collective. Be a staunch individual if you want to be, we won't stop you, but don't expect society to take care of you either. The jungle is always open for hippy-villages of orgies like the rest of the animal kingdom which do not have our consciousness to see sex as something more than it superficially is. Truth be told, society as a whole frowns down upon casual sex and promiscuousity (we can blame Judeo-Christian or Asian or any advanced civilisation values but again truth be told: "Why is it that these values do pop up nonetheless in regions which had little contact with in the distant past?" It is a matter of social fundamentals and building a sustainable society). The thing about "Sex and the City" and those sorts is that it is propagated as excitable media, for entertainment purposes (Sex sells). But it is not a gauge that society is anytime going to loosen up on these matters because society does not whore itself cheaply, it seeks to alleviate all of its participants to a better life.

There is a reason we have came through 2000 years of civilisation, testing out ideas which successfully survive or failed into destruction. Some ideas are sustainable and others are not. Casual sex only survives because of our innate animal desires and it cannot be sustained in any kind of ordered institution beyond animal desires and legalised/illegalised prostitution.

Lighten up Willbur

Just take sex as food for the body and soul, because we all have to eat somehow

If you just imagine having a buffet is like an orgy, a five course five star French dinner is like your romantic sex. extra toppings and igredient on your food is like chem and popper sex, and your quickies are your junk fast food

Just because your junk food is very unhealthy, that doesnt mean your caviar will not clog your arteries

So. eat what you like and choose whichever mode and ambience that tickles your fancy

But becareful what you put in your mouth, otherwise you may get food allergy, or a very bad case of diarrhea

Now, on the matter of the individual again. Those who are agreeable with casual sex commonly see it as a tool to lust, just as how food is to hunger. Problem is, food has no innate emotions. Humans do. We can never treat humans as tools of satisfaction like food (and the occassional stepping stone of the corporate ladder) unless we have totally lost our sense of kinship. Sure, we all say "no strings attached". But do realise how powerful sex as an emotional tool is (like the secretary and the boss situation or the fulfillment of emptiness and loneliness); another reason society as a whole frowns down on promiscuisity. I would consider the most experienced senior here to be one who has realised this nature of sex and begun to restrain himself from casual sex. But for the most part, the "experienced" people fail to see this in the blindless of "live in the now" and "happiness is the paramount virtue". Sure, we can have a separate discussion about these values and I can build an entire argument to shoot down these unsustainable value systems which have recently emerged strongly in the last 40 years (or repeatedly so at the downfall of great civilisations who luxurate in the vice of their success).

On the matter of diversity of values and upbringing, that is unchanging. But we must understand this as multiple pathways and life experiences being able to help each other towards being better humans, alleviating ourselves to a higher level of existence instead of just a superficial excuse of tolerance which is so easily propagated by the mainstream "unthinking" media. Diversity is good when that diversity has a common objective. Otherwise, it is a flurry of lost individuals minding their own business and not caring about the wider community (like racial communalism taken to its extreme in pre-independent Malaya).

if we live in a open society where homosexuals can hold hands and walk down the street without being ridiculed and be respected

i would agree wholeheartedly with you

but in Singapore, homosexuals are often repressed. which leads to us being more desperate

it's no excuse for us to be more promiscuous, but let's try and be more forgiving

Now this is a true insight. Societal acceptance of homosexuals (which casual sex is not part of the package) will lead to an alleviation of our condition because the foundational family institution can become a check and balance to promiscuisity. Imagine a child who could openly discuss with parents and be guided and a child who was surpressed and had to resort to underground ways. Which child will have the better outcome in life? With the openness of society comes the reduction in promiscuisity within our circle as peer pressure is also kept at bay (the majority of tainted gays are affected by the people they are surrounded with and these people may be equally tainted if not worse). In such a brighter world, those who continue to be promiscuous will be marked out and differentiated and their numbers will dwindle as their belief systems will gradually fail and be evolutionarily pushed towards extinction or the periphery of society (like the rest of underground society).

We can forgive but we cannot forget. Know this that if we ever had children of our own, we will never want them to go down the road of casual sex. And if there is an agent of such an idea aggressively propagating it close to that beloved child, action will be taken. This is how the collective works to constraint the individual.

What about cruising and saunas then? It's just one of the many sources to get laid.

If you think about it, it's relatively hard to be just doing your own stuff and getting some. We are all guys after all.

Just because it can be done, doesn't mean that it should be. If I had an invisible cloak to go peeping around people's privacy, should I? Undoubtedly these facilities are outlets and sources, but how strong is your human discipline? Yes, we are guys (or males for the sake of biological correctness), but that is no excuse in letting our animal nature run wild without restraint. There is a proper time, a proper place to do the proper thing within the proper context.

In conclusion, I have discussed about casual sex within the context of both individual and collective and its more fundamental nature which is hardly and rarely seen or reflected upon. The argument is very confusing even to myself upon rereading. But this is how difficult it is to go deeper into the human psyche. Casual sex is not approved based on fundamental reasons and there is no point in the distant future that it will be approved unless certain conditions are met (a separate lecture I can discuss about casual sex being alright or a necessary activity made mandatory by the State).

[Guest Glyph]

TLDR

To each his own, I've always believed.