Advise On Failing Relationships

[SongL]

Hello All.

 

Seeking comments and wisdom from all around. I am sure there has been many similar topics on this.

Person A in relationship with person B for past 10years. The relationship has been rocky especially when A & B moved in together 5years ago.

 

A & B believes each has put in more into the relationship in their own respective ways. Each believes they have done more of their fair share in keeping the relationship alive. unfortunately, many an argument arises. A tends to be reserved and aloof while B tend to be chatty but has been advised to be provocative and direct.  A situation occurs when person A breaks-up with B. B in his usual self, kept asking and prodding into the issue and reason for the breakup-  knowing well that part of the reason is the arguments which always arises due to mis-communication and indifference of though patterns (Different wavelengths).  It was learnt that person A was already dating person C.  When person A & C relationship hit a bad patch ( 6months after A & B brokeup), Person A got back with Person B. Condition was it would be an Open relationship.

 

While above situation were happening, Person A and B are still living together in a place they bought.  Unfortunately, one year on, B found out person A is dating Person D.  Although A & B are in a open relationship, B is feeling cheated that A is dating D while in a open relationship. So what should B be doing?  Any advise comments ?

[keyboard]

Really not much to comment on this one. Like you said, what you described is not anything new. The same old comments will be to leave the person, stay with the person etc.

 

This is an emotional question, and depends on the person in the situation on how he/she feels. For a married straight couple, the decision might be easier (kids, society on divorcee etc). As a gay man, meeting someone who you can open your heart to is already hard enough, what more to someone you can stay with and buy a house.

 

You can buy happiness, but what you get for free is not always happy.

[joshTWjosh]

I think the answer is obvious.

 

Person B needs a Person E

[nicenewyorker]

I think the answer is obvious.

 

Person B needs a Person E

haha is Person E named JoshPhong

 

[客气顾客]

Likely u (person B) has the answer. Follow your heart.

As some would say, is a old sorry and happened to too many people. However, every person has different response to the slight differnt situation.

Ask the following questions:

1. Why u guys get to together 5 years ago?

2. Why both claimed to be the one that gave more? However, 施比受更有福. Especially, to the one that u love.

3. Will Person A get his E, F G H etc? Will B be alright?

4. Open relationship means? Open to all .....so don't expect one to one anymore.

[zwei]

Cheapest thing in the world? Advice

Just do what you feel is right

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

A is a cheapo lover hook on a relationship of Convenience with B.

While B I suspect is still waiting or holding out for A to get tired of sowing wild oats and truly return back to his fold.

Continue to harbour hope and wait for A.

Give up on the memory and cut A off from B life.

Up to your heart to tell you,I'm not going to comment here.

[SongL]

Yes advise maybe free but it still offers insights while the mind and heart is in turmoil during a specific need. Having said that, sadly i (person B ) does not know what to do, nor what I want anymore. I'm afraid I may also be in this relationship for convenience due to the many years of being together. Can't feel much except sadness, confusion /dilemma and uncertainty. I suppose I'm in this state now because when we broke-off initially I was in a worst state mentally and emotionally. How o how....

[keyboard]

If you are already in a always sad state, what's holding you back from moving on? Going through a recovery period of getting back on your feet will take time and is filled with full of shit,but it's definitely going to be better than now.

[Firday]

Move on.....leave the messy situation.

 

Move on ....clean cut

 

Move on ....less pain

 

Move on ....not worth to retain as friendship

 

Move on ...never do Open Relationship style

[russellbodyworks]

Gay STRAY....lol

[Traveler]

Standard story many of us go through: Person A puts out all the effort, and money, and gets burned in the end by an ungrateful and lazy bum of a Person B who carelessly does things to piss off Person A (e.g., neglectful of his needs and/or blows money despite budget arguments and/or is unfaithful). When it comes time to part ways, Person B takes all he can get and makes his life miserable, in a most ungrateful manner.

 

Person A slips into deep depression, hits an emotional rock-bottom, but then realizes it was not his fault and gradually came back to life.

 

Person B has already moved on to suck the life out of somebody else

 

The moral of the story is that if the relationship is unhealthy and there is no chance to improve it, get out of it. Its hard at first, but at the end of the day you will live a happier life.

[xavier ian]

when the feeling is gone, it's gone - moving on..

[Peperolikes]

By right, person B should be finding his person E and F. So as to be on par with person A who is with person C and D. LOLS!!

By left, person A and B should give each other some cooling down period.

By up,down etc etc etc~ HAHAS. I think person B should take some time to think which way is better for both of them. )

[Momopolare]

The answer is there, when person B decided to change.

[Respell19]

I won't call myself a relationship guru and never do I have the intention to boast, but a couple of my guy & girlfriends do approach me for advices when their relationship are at the brink of collapsing. 

 

I know some of you commenters may share the same view as me or even bash me for this incoming comment, but well, to each his own. At least credit me for my effort in reading up and contributing my two cents' worth of advice. So here goes:

 

I am in a relationship myself, coming to a year and a half with my boyfriend. We did quarrel a lot and we have major differences in a lot of aspects. But something we share in common is - open relationship never works.

 

I don't think, believe, agree that open relationship works because love cannot be shared. If you honestly love someone then you will only stay committed to him. If you still want to fuck around while still in love, then don't commit in the first place. It is never fair for the poor soul who has put his entire effort in maintaining this relationship. _{There is no such thing as "Yes I love you A, but I can't live without B/wanna fuck other guys. (analogy)" Bullshit. If he can't settle for you because he has fallen for someone else/want to have fun with other (new) guys, let him go. Such guy ain't worth you time. (Well, it may work for some of you guys if the both of you can compromise on this - and kudos for that.)} 

 

_{Speaking of which, I still agree with the saying "Commit into a relationship only when you're ready, not when you're lonely" and "Relationship is a full-time thing. Never part-time."}

 

_{With reference to your entry, clearly person A is going back to person B as a rebound. This shows how fucked up person A can be and how stupid person B can be. Sorry to be crude but there isn't a nice way to put this across.} 

 

_{Advice 1: Talk things out. Ask person A and B to sit down and trash things out. Ask person B to tell A how he exactly feels and ask A what does he foresee in another, say, 2-5 years if they continue being together. Is there really a future between them? Will such situation resurface again? If there isn't, then break up and move on. A saying in Chinese goes, "长痛不如短痛".} 

 

_{Advice 2: Revenge is sweet. Get person B to get "a friend" or something to act (can be difficult to organise though) as B's boyfriend and purposely show up in front of person A. Let him taste his own medicine. But the downside of this is that the fatality to the relationship is probably 100%. The golden and silver rules speak clearly for itself. "If you don't want this to happen to you, don't do it to others".}

 

_{Advice 3: (Not advisable by me, but some may choose to take this advice) Take one step at a time. Monitor and see if there's any progress. Put your threshold to heartbreak to the test. If you finally crumble down, then break up. If you survive through this ordeal, then prepare for the remaining days together to be mundane... or maybe either one can give it to compromise the other.} 

 

_{(For some reason the font changed halfway while I was typing and I tried to change all to the same but futile. Bear with me ya.)}

 

_{Nevertheless, I hope for the best in your friends.}   

[abang]

This calls for an old ABBA song, The Winner Takes it All.

Yes, it is painful to be the "victim/loser" in a failed relationship.

Yes, I have been through several such incidents but hey, life goes on.

Do not let the bitterness dampen your spirit.

Life (still) goes on...

 

This is the Meryl Streep's version ...something I just watch over and over again...