Fear Of Growing Old (compiled)

[Guest fearof]

I know this is another topic on aging as a gay person. But this is coming from a 20+ year old perspective.

They say that 40 is the new 30 now. The age where you can finally be comfortable in your own skin and have the confident to not prove anything to anyone. But I'm not really looking forward to it.

Now, I'm at this age of early 20s where I'm neither here or there. I still have the peak metabolism, lean tanned body from having too much time in the world, nice skin and a cute smile of my younger self that people call boyish. No doubt I'm enjoying the freedom both physically and intellectually of being old enough and yet not old, whatnot I am in a good university with a big, bright career prospect ahead... I am confident and the sky's the limit. I feel excited about the future. I wouldn't go back to my clueless teenage years for all the money in the world.

I had no role model growing up, nobody to talk about my sexual orientation problems and let's face it, no healthy place to meet fellow gays. I don't know. Are there people who are genuinely interested in guys of their own age. Or is it what as I am seeing, that youth is the only premium.

Some may say I'm still too young to worry about this. But yet... Growing up as a gay youth, I'm constantly seeing that dating and hooking up in the community is all about scoring the young and athletic guys. I know because I have my share of suitors who'd only go for the young boy boys - something I realized. I'm starting to wonder if any of you ever had such thoughts, that as you go older, age will work against you when it comes to finding a partner. Because youth is attractive on its own, isn't it?

Make no mistake, I truly admire all the successful seniors around me. As you age, you will hold your own, be wiser, be financially stable and just generally be well versed in everything. But in our scene, at 40, you know you have just went over the hill for most parts. You can be in top shape, but no matter what, you'll lose out in the looks department to the 20s and 30s something. And why does this even matter?

I may be stereotyping but ask yourself, bar the odd few outliers, isn't that is what generally happening in our community? Just look at personals, everybody is looking for the young ones.

Is this the reality of our circle and maybe why I see so many older guys in the bars still dressed as though they are 20. And me feeling scared and uncertain of growing old when I know I should be embracing it.

[Guest rip]

Be yourself.

 

Older guys wanting to appear youngers usually are the ones who missed out the fun during their youth, so make up for me.

Called Reverse Psychology.

[Guest Guest]

no look no market, even you are young, there are many young guys out there who are unwanted

[EasleyLim]

You're not afraid of growing old; you're afraid of being alone.

[Guest Guest]

I am already in my 40s and I am happily single.

 

My worry now is not about been attached or not, gay or not, over the hill or not. My worry is more about survival now. When I was your age, people talks about retiring at 55; Then I hit 30s, I heard of people not finding jobs at 50s; Now that I am in my 40s, some of my peers are driving taxis or jobless. My dear TS, believe me, in a few years time, even before you hit 30s, you will have more things in life to worry, other than whether you are over the hill or not.  

 

Take care. Plan ahead. Move forth with the best of hope, but don't forget to have a backup plan all the time.

[Guest Man from UNCLE]

I know this is another topic on aging as a gay person. But this is coming from a 20+ year old perspective.

..........

Are there people who are genuinely interested in guys of their own age. Or is it what as I am seeing, that youth is the only premium.

Some may say I'm still too young to worry about this. But yet... Growing up as a gay youth, I'm constantly seeing that dating and hooking up in the community is all about scoring the young and athletic guys. I know because I have my share of suitors who'd only go for the young boy boys - something I realized. I'm starting to wonder if any of you ever had such thoughts, that as you go older, age will work against you when it comes to finding a partner. Because youth is attractive on its own, isn't it?

Make no mistake, I truly admire all the successful seniors around me. As you age, you will hold your own, be wiser, be financially stable and just generally be well versed in everything. But in our scene, at 40, you know you have just went over the hill for most parts. You can be in top shape, but no matter what, you'll lose out in the looks department to the 20s and 30s something. And why does this even matter?

I may be stereotyping but ask yourself, bar the odd few outliers, isn't that is what generally happening in our community? Just look at personals, everybody is looking for the young ones.

Is this the reality of our circle and maybe why I see so many older guys in the bars still dressed as though they are 20. And me feeling scared and uncertain of growing old when I know I should be embracing it.

You are indeed shallow and stereotyping from your 20+ year old perspective.

On the one hand you already "truly admire all the successful seniors around me. As you age, you will hold your own, be wiser, be financially stable and just generally be well versed in everything." Yet you keep gloating over the cmi dom and keep glorifying your youth.

Like -rip- said these cmi dom "Older guys wanting to appear youngers usually are the ones who missed out the fun during their youth".

I am in my 50s. There are plenty of uncles and 20+ who are interested in me. I dress simple but very neat and clean. I don't need to be attractive to everybody; being attractive to some is enough to trouble me. I don't want have your type of immaturity where you want your youth to be an attractive commodity.

Your type don't interest me. I prefer guys who are intelligent and matured. That is why nowadays the 40s are the new 30s because people have seen through the silly stereotype of the newspapers and movies who use easy stereotypes to prop up their flimsy sensational stories. Youth is not the only sought after commodity in the gay market. Some of the cmi DOMs also come after fit old uncles like me.

This BW web site is proof, "A forum for mature Singapore GAY man." I used to think that those shallow, silly young ones ( not all are silly and immatured though, only some...) would avoid here like the plague. But now some of these silly ones are here to roost.

[EasleyLim]

You are indeed shallow and stereotyping from your 20+ year old perspective.

On the one hand you already "truly admire all the successful seniors around me. As you age, you will hold your own, be wiser, be financially stable and just generally be well versed in everything." Yet you keep gloating over the cmi dom and keep glorifying your youth.

Like -rip- said these cmi dom "Older guys wanting to appear youngers usually are the ones who missed out the fun during their youth".

I am in my 50s. There are plenty of uncles and 20+ who are interested in me. I dress simple but very neat and clean. I don't need to be attractive to everybody; being attractive to some is enough to trouble me. I don't want have your type of immaturity where you want your youth to be an attractive commodity.

Your type don't interest me. I prefer guys who are intelligent and matured. That is why nowadays the 40s are the new 30s because people have seen through the silly stereotype of the newspapers and movies who use easy stereotypes to prop up their flimsy sensational stories. Youth is not the only sought after commodity in the gay market. Some of the cmi DOMs also come after fit old uncles like me.

This BW web site is proof, "A forum for mature Singapore GAY man." I used to think that those shallow, silly young ones ( not all are silly and immatured though, only some...) would avoid here like the plague. But now some of these silly ones are here to roost.

 

To his credit, he is asking the older ones for advice, no? Better to have the experienced ones set him straight (hah!) before he actually crash and burn.

[Guest guest]

2013 and ahead Money is the most Impt issue for gay who grow old.

[Guest Guest]

Learn the art of growing old gracefully...

“Youth. I don't seek it through another because I have it within; it's a state of mind, a spirit that is free, and a mind that is playful. The shell of my being is altered by the effects of time, but nothing will tarnish a soul that will never forget what its like to experience creation with endless wonder and appreciation. Each time I see the first snowfall of the season I feel it's the first time I've seen it at all.”

― Donna Lynn Hope

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/aging-gracefully

[gongtang]

Be yourself.

 

Older guys wanting to appear youngers usually are the ones who missed out the fun during their youth, so make up for me.

Called Reverse Psychology.

 

your reverse psychology is WTF? doesn't even make sense.

[Guest puta por favor]

Dear TS,

 

40 years old is senior, huh?

 

the average life expectancy for the singaporean male is 79.3 years.

 

So, if you think reaching 40 is "over the hill", you still have ANOTHER 40 years to go!

 

Savor your youth, but be smart. Plan for your future and take care of your health.

 

Like what previous poster said, when you get older, there are SO MANY more important things to worry about than if some 20 year thinks I'm hot.

 

 

[lean n mean]

.

Edited June 4, 2018 by lean n mean

[Guest Guest]

If one Is young, full of youth and energy, makes life meaningful by doing meaningful things then he has no worries of growing old for old age promises life to be full of meanings.

 

If you are just in your 20s and already make the middle years so dreadfully old then by the time you are old, the thought of death will drive you insane everyday.

 

My youth was long gone but when I look back at those young days of mine now, they were part of the flavours of my life....part of the old me now. It's such a waste of youth to worry about growing old. When you are young, enjoy your youth and do the things young people do so that when you are old you can move on and stop doing things that makes u look silly for your age.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Youth (That face) is a weapon. As long as you got it you will find the confidence and strength to made it through your daily life no matter how bad it is.My advise is to keep hold onto it for as long as you can.

But there is always a catch in life.. One can delay the face from ageing but few know how to keep a young heart. By then you will know what I'm talking about. Life next set of questions and tribulations await for you to discover once you look past your current predicaments.

No point envisioning a later set of life challenges when you haven't reach there yet. Just live out your own time and made it a happy one.

Edited August 10, 2013 by Raiden Alpha

[gammaray]

TS, you have the moronic beauty of youth... what's the prob now? 

[snowball]

何必想到那么远, 先处理好你现在的年龄阶段应该做的事,

当你真正成熟了, 你根本不会为了年龄的增长而担忧。

growing old is something we need to accept; and as soon as we do that,

a lot of other things will fall into place.

Edited August 10, 2013 by snowball

[Guest Guest]

I'm 40 plus now and i still feel like 20. I'm physically fitter and mentally sharper than when I was twenty and I still look refreshingly boyish from years of healthy living and good self care, with hardly any signs of aging. Skin still firm as can be and glowingly supple, unlike the 40 something uncles I knew in my youth. The only difference is now I have the money and the confidence to go places I want and buy things I like. Life really does begin at 40, and it only gets better from there.

 

It's not great to be twenty something, it's actually very restricting, your best years are still to come. Even some of the sixty plus guys nowadays look trendy and full of vitality. The human lifespan is elastic and we're getting younger and younger over the generations thanks to a better life and nutrition. And like what the other posters here said, you'll have a lot more important things to worry about if you give yourself a few more years to grow up. Seriously the most attractive guys are not those in their twenties, but the more mature and secure thirties, forties, fifties and even sixties and seventies. 

[Guest late 20s]

been thru smth rather similar of what you have been thru (or thought thru)....though circumstances are different for everyone. i dun hv solutions but somehow i understand you, you need to sit down and collect your thoughts.

 

you think too much....its okay to analyse and plan but dun overdo it. planning way ahead does not work well now cos circumstances are changing faster than before, your family will change, your group of friends will change, you will meet different people, your environment will change, the world will change etc. know what you want but be prepared for changes and adapt to them but dun lose yourself. as for analysing, it will do more harm than good for your mind if you overdo it.

 

embrace the present, what you are now and who you are now. no use thinking and worrying about the future cos it will be a tiring journey. if you keep on doing that, you will never be satisfied.

 

gay life is a hard life frankly speaking, its not easy and its not going to be easy at all. worse is when sex complicates everything. but all of us is a unique individual and we really can choose how we wanna lead our life and whether we wanna be happy anot. the way i see it, you might be a perfectionist and wanna be 'perfect' and wanna win in every situation. like you said, someone may be 40, have good bods but lose out in looks to a 20s or 30s. so what? why do you have to compete and wanna win in every aspect? so are you saying that you are in 20s now but is devastated too cos you do not have careers and money like someone in their 40s? why compare? to show who? there is no perfection in this world. you just have to manage your expectations, be proud of yourself in whatever stage of your life. and dun bother about others' judgement, its your life, you are you, you dun have to report to others.

 

as for dating, hook ups, bfs etc, there really is no hard and fast rule. some people are never interested in ons and casual sex and continue to look for their partner; some prefer not to have partners now and have fun casually; some are attached but play with other guys together; some are attached but play outside separately etc etc. so you ask, how should i go about doing it? decide based on your own circumstances cos you answer to yourself. as for not making 'sincere' gay friends, i can only say you have to get to know people better and pass that stage of accessing them based on physical looks only. many are just waiting for each other to open up (emotionally) no matter how good they look. if you yourself is just accessing people based on looks and youth, how do you expect to meet sincere people which i guess deep down, is what you want as well right?

[Guest Jim]

It is inevitable that we will grow old and die. So we have to be careful on our choices in life.

[Guest Guest]

Growing old is nothing to be afraid of.

 

It's no money that's scary in this 'everything also need money' world.

 

If you have no money, young or old is equally suffering.

 

Old man with a lot of money can have anything, including lots of young guys flocking to him. What's there to be scared of?

[Guest cutejack]

Hello.u got money n cant walk.the young boy flocking ard u will take yr money n flock to any other younger guys la.health is important.money is important to but not everything.i think i gonna start a aged home for old gay if i havee money.how abt tat?lol

[Guest Old man]

Growing old is nothing to be afraid of, provided you stay positive and healthy.   Just be careful of the slippery floor in the sauna.

[Guest 45]

I'm 45. If you ask me whether I'd trade the last 20 years to go back and start over at 25 again, I honestly don't know, but probably will be inclined to saying thanks but no thanks. Maybe coming out earlier would be the one thing.

To me, the biggest trade off is financial resources against looks/youth. Given the amount of effort put into fitness and clean living, I manage to optimize the latter but I'd be lying to say I look the same. But I'd also be lying if I said I look worse - as you age, you develop other attractive features.

In your 20s, you feel like you have the world at your feet and with it a certain immortality. This will change by the time you are 30. Also, one of the biggest ironies of life is that you aspire to something at 30, but by the time you attain that at 30, you realize it's not what you want at 30. Then you aspire for things at 40, and the same repeats itself.

These are musings from a very materialistic perspective. Point is, live your life by more enduring objectives and principles.

[Guest Guest]

Hello.u got money n cant walk.the young boy flocking ard u will take yr money n flock to any other younger guys la.health is important.money is important to but not everything.i think i gonna start a aged home for old gay if i havee money.how abt tat?lol

 

Even if you are bedridden, money gets u the best nurses and maids to care for you round the clock. You never get lonely with money. Just don't give it all away before you die.

[yoyo74]

Everybody will grow old and die one day so the most important thing is be happy. Try to make as much gay friend as possible so that when you grow old and lost your good looks you can at least have friends to accompanied you with. Getting enough money to retired is also a must. Try to eat healthy and exercise more until you cannot exercise will delay your ageing effects.

[FirsTimer]

since you can't control time i dont believe that is the issue that you are facing. there's no fear of ageing for humans. for god there is. he is the one created time though. dont worry about it. the netizens are here for you and playing with you through time till you pass of and receive cremation. resurrection or not we do not know =D

[Guest Guest]

I am more worried for the younger generation who are still struggling in schools.  What lies ahead of them is a bleak uncertain future. 

[Guest Guest]

Actually, it is really not enviable to be young as a young person still have to go through a lot of hurdles in life, especially when the future is so unpredictable and uncertain as Singapore has already been so successful for the past 50 years and what is going to happen for the next 50 years nobody really knows. The only advantage to be young is that you have more energy, you are more attractive (in terms of youthfulness as some older guys more attractive than younger guys)....but you still have a long way to go. In this circle, being young may have its advantages but it is only temporarily as you will grow old too. Life is getting more competitive and Singapore is no longer a cheap place to live as the standard of living is getting higher and higher and to make ends meet is getting more difficult 

[Guest Guest]

You won't or less likely have such fear of growing old if Singapore has social security like most some Western countries but are you prepared to pay up to 56% personal income tax and support others from your hard earned money? Asians do not believe in such thing.

 

 

[FirsTimer]

Your entire life includes old age as young age. What else can we respond by simply saying no?

[Guest Worry]

I am afraid of getting old and become the cardboard collector in the street. 

[Steve5380]

If you are young and easily afraid, you should have many many other things to be afraid over.

If you make it to OLD you can count at least one accomplishment, cardboard or not. 

[Guest Worry]

I stumble upon the author Rob Schwartz for his book your soul's plan. All the challenges in our life is actually pre planned by ourselves (our soul) before we come to this life. So that we can grow spiritually

[Steve5380]

21 minutes ago, Guest Worry said:

I stumble upon the author Rob Schwartz for his book your soul's plan. All the challenges in our life is actually pre planned by ourselves (our soul) before we come to this life. So that we can grow spiritually

 

Have you ever asked yourself how reliable is Rob Schwartz's book?

To me it seems like pure speculations over speculations of the people he writes about.

It requires the existence of "souls" that reincarnate, something which is also speculation.

 

But regardless, why does this book make you afraid of becoming old and having to collect cardboard?  Does this Schwartz claim that there is no "free will"?  And how do YOU know that you will have to collect cardboard instead of retiring financially independent with money to spend in lush trips and money boys?

[Guest worry]

10 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Have you ever asked yourself how reliable is Rob Schwartz's book?

To me it seems like pure speculations over speculations of the people he writes about.

It requires the existence of "souls" that reincarnate, something which is also speculation.

 

But regardless, why does this book make you afraid of becoming old and having to collect cardboard?  Does this Schwartz claim that there is no "free will"?  And how do YOU know that you will have to collect cardboard instead of retiring financially independent with money to spend in lush trips and money boys?

Unless I get a windfall from lottery. based on the presence moment, I dont think I can retire financially.

[Steve5380]

8 minutes ago, Guest worry said:

Unless I get a windfall from lottery. based on the presence moment, I dont think I can retire financially.

 

You should have more than a chance of one in many thousands like a lottery win to have sufficient money to live in old age.

Without being a successful business man, you can become sufficient useful to society to EARN good money and live sufficiently smart to keep that money and not lose it to some mishaps.

[Guest Blank]

On 8/10/2013 at 11:34 AM, Guest Guest said:

no look no market, even you are young, there are many young guys out there who are unwanted

 

This ^ I rather pick a handsome middle aged man anytime over a young average ns boy

[Guest Fatty]

On 14 December 2015 at 8:52 PM, Guest Guest said:

I am more worried for the younger generation who are still struggling in schools.  What lies ahead of them is a bleak uncertain future. 

We are in the good hands of pap.

[Guest InBangkok]

I remember when I was in my early 20s and starting work with a major company in London. I had not come out and was a bit scared about trying to hook up with another guy. Don't know why because there was no law against it then. I remember going into the back room of a sex bookshop near Piccadilly Circus and buying a cheap novel. It was about a boy of around the OPs age who was introduced to the gay lifestyle. Being young, very attractive and having a great personality, he was the belle of every ball. He couldn't get enough of the parties, the hook-ups, the night clubs etc. When he got to 30, he started to wonder how long it could last, but it still did not end. When he reached 40, suddenly he was less in demand, and by 50 hardly anyone wanted to know him. He had made the mistake of just enjoying his youth and not bothering with matters like relationships and work.

 

For a long time, this scenario really worried me. But I was also career-oriented and so I decided not to worry about sex hook-ups much (no saunas and only a few gay bars then) and instead plunge into developing a career. The extraordinary thing, at least to me, was that by not thinking too much about sex relationships, I found them easier to come by. As I grew a little older, those relationships became more meaningful and soon I found a partner. Although it did not last as long as I hoped it might, it was the first of several that have seen me through into my 60s. 

 

To answer your question, of course youth is worshipped by many in the gay scene, but not by all. Those very issues you mention - becoming wiser, financially more stable, personality-wise more confident and outgoing - all begin to alter your personality. And there are many guys who find personality and charm at least as important as looks. You may well find that eventually you find a partner. If he's from abroad, you may even start to consider marriage. I have two friends, one from the UK the other Taiwanese, who were not only married as soon as the law permitted in the UK. They have two quite delightful kids whom they adore and enjoy bringing up.

 

Enjoy the gay world whilst you are young. Just remember that youth is not everything. Gay life is what you make of it - and it can be great. Embrace it all!

 

[abang]

Growing old gracefully is the key to ward off any fear.

Think Audrey Hepburn before she died - she was a picture of poise albeit the many wrinkles on her face.  She still looks regal despite the many lines on her neck.

 

I'm in my upper 50s and I am quite pleased with my looks.  Of course, I don't compare myself with a 20-/30-something.  It is not possible to have "youthful" looks anymore but at the very least, I am mindful of personal grooming.  I am still projecting a "sharp, clean and energetic" image with appropriate clothes, haircut, and attitude.     

可以老， 但不能懒/丑/装可爱/穿不适当的衣服。。

可以老。 但要有“正”能量 - 快乐， 健康。

 

Being single is not a crime and think of all the things you can do - just do it without having to seek permission/approval from your partner.  I literally go on short vacations as and when I want it.  I could go hiking at MacRitchie Tree-top as and when the weather is fine.  

Being single has its perks too - I don't have to "cater" to the needs of my partner - from diet to household chores.  

 

 

 

[mate69]

For those who are harbouring hopes/aspirations of emigrating when you are older,

thinking you might have it a little easier when you are older, start by saving up early and planning 

well ahead of time - where you are thinking of moving to, reading up, strategizing.

 

 

[Guest Lee]

I’m alone now. I think even if I gets older, no one will be with me so i already get used to it.

[Guest Loner]

7 hours ago, Guest Lee said:

I’m alone now. I think even if I gets older, no one will be with me so i already get used to it.

Me too. I find it hard to maintain  conversation with people. So I also know I'm doomed to be alone in this life.

[Steve5380]

8 hours ago, Guest Lee said:

I’m alone now. I think even if I gets older, no one will be with me so i already get used to it.

 

56 minutes ago, Guest Loner said:

Me too. I find it hard to maintain  conversation with people. So I also know I'm doomed to be alone in this life.

 

When you post in a public forum you stop being alone.

Get yourselves a membership with some alias so you have an identity

and start posting, chatting, arguing, debating with others to your heart's content.

[lonelyglobe]

Thats the problem....technology makes people "feel" they are not alone but in actual fact they are alone, online games, fb, twitter, instagram and whatever forum there are....the only way to not be alone is to switch off that device and walk out to meet some "real" people and not living in a virtual world

[lonelyglobe]

On Saturday, August 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM, Guest fearof said:

I know this is another topic on aging as a gay person. But this is coming from a 20+ year old perspective.

They say that 40 is the new 30 now. The age where you can finally be comfortable in your own skin and have the confident to not prove anything to anyone. But I'm not really looking forward to it.

Now, I'm at this age of early 20s where I'm neither here or there. I still have the peak metabolism, lean tanned body from having too much time in the world, nice skin and a cute smile of my younger self that people call boyish. No doubt I'm enjoying the freedom both physically and intellectually of being old enough and yet not old, whatnot I am in a good university with a big, bright career prospect ahead... I am confident and the sky's the limit. I feel excited about the future. I wouldn't go back to my clueless teenage years for all the money in the world.

I had no role model growing up, nobody to talk about my sexual orientation problems and let's face it, no healthy place to meet fellow gays. I don't know. Are there people who are genuinely interested in guys of their own age. Or is it what as I am seeing, that youth is the only premium.

Some may say I'm still too young to worry about this. But yet... Growing up as a gay youth, I'm constantly seeing that dating and hooking up in the community is all about scoring the young and athletic guys. I know because I have my share of suitors who'd only go for the young boy boys - something I realized. I'm starting to wonder if any of you ever had such thoughts, that as you go older, age will work against you when it comes to finding a partner. Because youth is attractive on its own, isn't it?

Make no mistake, I truly admire all the successful seniors around me. As you age, you will hold your own, be wiser, be financially stable and just generally be well versed in everything. But in our scene, at 40, you know you have just went over the hill for most parts. You can be in top shape, but no matter what, you'll lose out in the looks department to the 20s and 30s something. And why does this even matter?

I may be stereotyping but ask yourself, bar the odd few outliers, isn't that is what generally happening in our community? Just look at personals, everybody is looking for the young ones.

Is this the reality of our circle and maybe why I see so many older guys in the bars still dressed as though they are 20. And me feeling scared and uncertain of growing old when I know I should be embracing it.

Time flies and is almost 6 years since u posted this topic, u probably hitting your 30 soon....any changes u notice? 

 

U r not stereotyping but this is the harsh facts of gay life, fun buddy and partner i probably understand why people prefer someone younger than them but came across a few landlords and they are looking for young tenants as in below 30, which really beats me....WTF

[fab]

Among the 8 sufferings of Buddhism, I only find illness, suffering of separation from the loved one、 求不得苦suffering of not getting what is wanted more miserable.

 

The other 5 are more like pain and easier to handle,  especially Aging is not frightening, with the right mindset.

[mate69]

When u are attached, u will wish to be single again.

[LeanMature]

4 hours ago, lonelyglobe said:

Time flies and is almost 6 years since u posted this topic, u probably hitting your 30 soon....any changes u notice? 

 

U r not stereotyping but this is the harsh facts of gay life, fun buddy and partner i probably understand why people prefer someone younger than them but came across a few landlords and they are looking for young tenants as in below 30, which really beats me....WTF

 

Gay landlords ?

[Guest Writer]

Human are like story books.  Each age represents each chapter.  Don't you think the story gets more exciting and climaxing as it moves towards the end of the chapters?