Any Differences Between "would You Be My Boyfriend?" And "can I Be Your Boyfriend?"

[revenkit]

As per topic, is there any significant differences in "Would you be my boyfriend?" and "Can I be your boyfriend?" when confessing to someone? As such like it would be more dominating to say "Can I be your boyfriend?" or so...

[Guest Glyph]

Er... Is this a linguistic question or a trick question?

 

Theoretically, anyone can be your boyfriend but the real question is if they are willing to be yours or if you may be theirs.

 

It's a portrayal of dominance or submission, like you've said?

Edited August 27, 2013 by Glyph

[Guest Guest]

There is a subtle difference. "Would you be my boyfriend" asks a question of willingness of the other party, whereas "Can I be your boyfriend" asks the other party if you meet the other party's requirements to be his bf. If you wish to look at it as a portrayal of dominance or submission, it would actually be more "submissive" to ask "Can I" because you are not sure if you qualify rather than "Would you" because it implies that you think you already meet his standards.

[Guest Glyph]

The difference is more apparent than subtle, IMO. The focal point of "You" and "I" in both questions depicts many things that... I am a little lazy to explain. (Sorry, haha.)

 

Which brings me to another question.

 

Does anyone still remember the difference between "Can I..." and "May I..."?

 

Ability vs Permission?

Edited August 27, 2013 by Glyph

[iamziz]

Not everyone can be one's bf and not anyone would like to be one's bf. Wanting and able are 2 different things here.

[revenkit]

Ahh thanks for the insight guys. Really appreciate it.... Coz I was wondering whether the question keyword itself would make a big difference for the other party to agree.

 

Like Glyph said in [The focal point of "You" and "I], maybe using "You" would make him think that you appreciate him and put him as ur priority whereas using "I" would make him think that you are thinking more about urself in priority...

[Boo]

"Would you be my boyfriend?" is the way to go. 

[Guest GUEST]

"Would you be my boyfriend?" is the way to go. 

what about WILL YOU vs WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

[TheVisitors]

One thing for sure, that is when you used proposal terms like " may I " or " can I" you are seeking a person' s permission, to enter into his personal space, boundaries and territories

After humans , like all animals, are territorial and guard their personal space. Entrance into their boundaries are permitted by familiarity.

Whenever you want something from someone, you have seek permission to enter their space.

Thus if you need to enter , you must always put them into a comfortable mode

How to coax them into this mode, is to put them first then you come into later

The "will you.." term used , not only put them first, it humbles yourself before you are permitted further

If you were to start with " can I" it is not a passive mode of persuasion but a subtle active mode of asserting yourself even the person is given a choice to accept or reject

The " may I term " sounds slightly better but that gives them the impression to reject immediately even before you submit a proposal to them. Because psychological the " may I" gives people an impression you are a weakling. They may even take advantage of you.

In the world of human interaction, business dealings and proposals always they before you . They have a better impression of you before they are comfortable to listen to your proposal

Words used in conjunction at the right occasion and at the right timing, can actually determine how successful in getting what you want, be it a love or business proposal

[keyboard]

Why cannot, "Want be boyfriend or not?"

 

I only remember my teacher used to say, "Can" doesn't mean you "Should".

 

E.g. "Can I come in?" (Of course you can, because you CAN DO that even without asking)

But, "May I come in?" That will depend on the answer.

[iamziz]

Why cannot, "Want be boyfriend or not?"

 

 

 

Cute! Thanks for making me smile 

[revenkit]

One thing for sure, that is when you used proposal terms like " may I " or " can I" you are seeking a person' s permission, to enter into his personal space, boundaries and territories

After humans , like all animals, are territorial and guard their personal space. Entrance into their boundaries are permitted by familiarity.

Whenever you want something from someone, you have seek permission to enter their space.

Thus if you need to enter , you must always put them into a comfortable mode

How to coax them into this mode, is to put them first then you come into later

The "will you.." term used , not only put them first, it humbles yourself before you are permitted further

If you were to start with " can I" it is not a passive mode of persuasion but a subtle active mode of asserting yourself even the person is given a choice to accept or reject

The " may I term " sounds slightly better but that gives them the impression to reject immediately even before you submit a proposal to them. Because psychological the " may I" gives people an impression you are a weakling. They may even take advantage of you.

In the world of human interaction, business dealings and proposals always they before you . They have a better impression of you before they are comfortable to listen to your proposal

Words used in conjunction at the right occasion and at the right timing, can actually determine how successful in getting what you want, be it a love or business proposal

 

 

I see. Thanks for your detailed explanation. So it means that "Can u be my boyfriend?" is also a subtle active mode of asserting yourself even the person is given a choice to accept or reject??

[revenkit]

Why cannot, "Want be boyfriend or not?"

 

 

Hahaha doesn't that seems like too carefree as in if u want then let's be boyfriend, if you dun wan then it's fine with me?

[traveling92]

Just ask, "Eh, want steady not?".

[gammaray]

If he likes u and being sincere in asking, doesn't matter would you / could you / want to be bf anot  \o/

[revenkit]

If he likes u and being sincere in asking, doesn't matter would you / could you / want to be bf anot  \o/

 

 

Some people are just too dependent on words. Like sometimes even conversations of different sentence structure would make him reply or not, let's say "What r u doing?" and "Doing what?", with the latter often not being replied...

[imonvodka]

For me, I think that "Would you be my boyfriend" is asking that person if he is willing to be with you whereas "Can I be your boyfriend" is you being assertive where you want to be his boyfriend. 

 

Actually, "Would" is more "polite" to "Can" because you are giving him the options to choose whereas Can pretty much is narrowing down his option to you. 

 

LOL I think I confused myself.. sighhhh 

[gammaray]

Some people are just too dependent on words. Like sometimes even conversations of different sentence structure would make him reply or not, let's say "What r u doing?" and "Doing what?", with the latter often not being replied...

 

Most people would look for the tone and sincerity in face2face convo right? Both sound fine to me. It's like: u like him and he expressed his interest, yet picking on that? Maybe it's juz me lol. 'I want you' vs 'I need you' would have a significant difference instead.

 

Texting will require 'warmer' sentence structure which is harder to get the right message across, like some ambiguity somewhere.. idk how to describe. 

Edited August 29, 2013 by gammaray

[TheVisitors]

I see. Thanks for your detailed explanation. So it means that "Can u be my boyfriend?" is also a subtle active mode of asserting yourself even the person is given a choice to accept or reject??

There is a hireachy of words and language which a senior a superior or your boss can use but not by the junior towards his immediate superior.

Same for a service provider to his customers

Same for a student talking to the principal

In the Japanese society, the careful usage of language is differentiated between the sexes and the superior to the junior

When you want to ask your boss for a favour, instead of using " can you" you use " are you able"

When you use " are you able" the word " able" is subtly hinting you are praising your boss , he already have the capacity to fulfill your wish

The human mind is influencef by the world of visual impact, colours and sounds

Languages are evolved conditioned sounds we use to acknowledge the importance of each other's presence in the set hireachy we created

Thus your can, will please are .... are of no exceptional

Edited August 29, 2013 by TheVisitors

[FirsTimer]

As per topic, is there any significant differences in "Would you be my boyfriend?" and "Can I be your boyfriend?" when confessing to someone? As such like it would be more dominating to say "Can I be your boyfriend?" or so...

 

I think the main point in such intimate questions being asked lies in the affections arising. "Can I be your boyfriend" brings to the mind immediately that you like that person. In contrast, "Would you be my boyfriend" does not talk about your personal level of affection towards another yet (of course he or she can interpret that there is a certain level of liking coming from you), rather this question focuses on getting a response. 

 

P.S. IM JUST BULLSHITTING. Who really cares about such. Let's care about the amount of love and happiness being experienced in the process instead hahaha. 

 

Anyway should only have one changing factor what, to make things easier: compare "Can I be your boyfriend" to "Can you be my boyfriend"

 

P.S. MORE CRAP

[raind]

The difference in the questions reflects a difference in self-confidence.

And the "u" and "I" to me is not a good starting point in couplehood. Perhaps it would be better to ask "shall we move our friendship a notch higher? Shall we build our future together?" Or something like that...

:-)

Good morning. It's Friday!

Edited September 6, 2013 by raind