Can Two 'total Tops' Or 'total Bottoms' Be In A Satisfying Monogamous Relationship?

[oralb]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/10/hieu-tran-squared_n_4242071.html

 

 

 

A new trailer for https://www.facebook.com/squaredfilm Hieu Tran's film "Squared" is sparking an interesting debate about sexual dynamics in gay male relationships.

In the trailer, two men both identify as tops (which, in this case appears to mean the insertive partner during anal sex) and neither one of them wants to bottom (aka be the receptive partner).

In a note posted on the Squared Facebook page, Tran writes that the film was inspired by the "racist experiences" he has been through:

 

From my dating experiences, I was bothered when guys called me their “Geisha” and other derogatory terms. I also often hear people ask gay couples, "Who's the woman in the relationship?” and point to the Asian guy. Society often objectifies Asians, especially gay Asians, and view them as submissive, feminine, and passive.

Say what you will about "Squared," the film does bring up some interesting questions about gay men and sex including can two "total tops" or two "total bottoms" be in a fulfilling monogamous relationship? Are "total top" and "total bottom" purely socially constructed roles? Is there too much attention given to anal sex?

[iamziz]

I tried dating 2 guys before but both failed. Sex is an important element in the initial stage for a relationship. And some years to come. By then couples embrace the idea a relationship is more than sex. Love is finally understood and that is the fundamental binding 2 persons together. But someone needs to fuck someone before that happens. A tough fact.

[Enelym1978]

Yes sex is important but anal sex, penetration, is not the only kind of sexual activity you can have with a guy.

 

Be inventive

[snowball]

if your " love " for him is deeper than the anal sex you " like ", anything is possible

Edited November 12, 2013 by snowball

[lesbrown]

Different people values anal sex differently. I have known a couple of both tops and the relationship couldn't be sustained after several months. One of them described to me that the first few weeks were fine, then they played together with a third guy, then they played separately, then jealousy set in and it all broke apart.

 

I have also known another couple of both tops but I'm aware that each of them (when still single) didn't have anal sex more than once or twice a year. I think they are still together now after some years.

[Dorkable]

There's always the Fleshjacks and double headed dildo.

[iamziz]

Some people are either lucky or stronger in maintaining such relationship. 

[snowball]

Different people values anal sex differently. I have known a couple of both tops and the relationship couldn't be sustained after several months. One of them described to me that the first few weeks were fine, then they played together with a third guy, then they played separately, then jealousy set in and it all broke apart.

 

I have also known another couple of both tops but I'm aware that each of them (when still single) didn't have anal sex more than once or twice a year. I think they are still together now after some years.

Can Two 'total Tops' Or 'total Bottoms' Be In A Satisfying Monogamous Relationship?

the key words here is monogamous, i know many couples that are open and play together still doing

well and strong, however, sometimes, so called mono relationship is not true,

play with too many " loyal " couples before

[azimuth]

Haha. I guess if the focus of the relationship and the reason to get together is merely for the convenience of sex, then it is hard to be together for long.

[hotf_ck]

I've always thought of myself as a pure bottom, to the extent that I've never even put a condom on because I've never even tried topping (yes, I know it sounds ridiculous...). Then I met this guy whom I got together with recently. He's mostly a top, but bottoms only in a relationship.

Initially, I shuddered at the thought of having to top him. But after spending some time together, it just came naturally. I wanted to be in him because it brings us so close together that it transcends the physical. In such cases, sex can be very emotional.

I know this isn't exactly what the thread is about, but I guess my point is when you really love someone, your role becomes irrelevant. Several people have told me this before, but it's only now that I fully understood this point.

[hggave]

if your " love " for him is deeper than the anal sex you " like ", anything is possible

I second that.

What could be more satisfying other than having the feeling of love and being loved by someone?

[Exynos]

that's so interesting. I think though, whoever both parties are... what makes every relationship special and "work" is due to the couple actually doing whatever they do to make it work. personally i won't say 2 tops make a relationship work, but there surely are some of such couples around... however they work, I don't know, but it's possible.

[Guest deep]

Anal sex for top is hard work.

I preferred deep throated.

[azimuth]

I second that.

What could be more satisfying other than having the feeling of love and being loved by someone?

 

Third that. Love conquers all mountains!

[Angelix]

I know 2 tops who love to have threesomes all the time. They even invited me.

 

EDIT: They are still together. It's more than 5 years now.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Angelix

[joshTWjosh]

I've always thought of myself as a pure bottom, to the extent that I've never even put a condom on because I've never even tried topping (yes, I know it sounds ridiculous...). Then I met this guy whom I got together with recently. He's mostly a top, but bottoms only in a relationship.

Initially, I shuddered at the thought of having to top him. But after spending some time together, it just came naturally. I wanted to be in him because it brings us so close together that it transcends the physical. In such cases, sex can be very emotional.

I know this isn't exactly what the thread is about, but I guess my point is when you really love someone, your role becomes irrelevant. Several people have told me this before, but it's only now that I fully understood this point.

 

Yea... I think one of the "perks" of being a gay guy is that it's very easy to switch... to experience both sides, so you shouldn't box yourself up into a category. However, I can understand how scary it is for a top to try bottoming, I guess.... :/

[allyremen]

I know 2 tops who love to have threesomes all the time. They even invited me.

 

EDIT: They are still together. It's more than 5 years now.

 

Remind me of exactly the same thing when a Singaporean couple, both tops, did me some years ago ....!

Edited November 12, 2013 by allyremen

[Guest Guest]

well why must we really let gay relationships be defined by sexual roles?

 

in the first place when we are born, no one is top or bottom or flex.

 

sometimes people fall for one another but yet let themselves be restricted by roles which are not even hereditary to begin with

 

 

[NielKlient]

I think it is possible for the same role to be together, but doesnt mean they will last.

Temptation out there is really strong. 

[mydontay]

why not if there is love? relationship shld not be for superficial sex only

[derryfawne]

More challenging, but possible.

[oralb]

in broader sense

 

Is SEX important in a relationship? 

 

smaller scale

 

Is ANAL SEX important?

[iamziz]

in broader sense

 

Is SEX important in a relationship? 

 

smaller scale

 

Is ANAL SEX important?

 

Sex is essential and as much as we view love of someone should not be about sex, it is essential especially in the early stage of a relationship. Later in the relationship when sex dies off, the love of each other binds the couple.

 

Anal or non-anal, I reckon both parties need to really work hard on making the relationship work and have substitutes to the intimacy a.k.a. sex.

 

Just my 2cents.

 

Does bringing a 3rd person for sex without the emotional/love factor amount to a monogamy? I seriously don't know. Perhaps someone can enlighten me on this. I am always learning something here.

Edited November 15, 2013 by iamziz

[Guest versatile]

IMHO, there is no such thing as 'pure' top or "pure" bottom.  If you are truly gay, you would have, atleast, give it a try to bottom or to top just to check it out.  THen maybe preference is the key word.  If you truly love someone, you wouldn't mind compromising just to make your relationship work.  Sex plays a major part in your relationship unless you are in your 50s and  older than sex might play a lesser role (in general). 

 

[Guest Guest]

  Sex plays a major part in your relationship unless you are in your 50s and  older than sex might play a lesser role (in general). 

 

Speaking from experience or out of how many? Sex may be even more important to each other since fewer choices in the market.

 

I know a couple of 30 years, partner T likes inserting, cannot take. Partner V gets no physical pleasure in receiving, so since early days after they met and tried, anal only with third parties. T says hand jobs from V more intense orgasms than inserting.

[fbttop]

Monogamous means commitment to each other and this includes in basic humanity morale of not having a 3rd person in btw to "satisfy urge" or settle your urge outside and back to our bed.

 

Sometime people try to bend to make things work (because they fear of not finding another rock to rely on) by introducing a btm to have sessions with 2 top couples or otherwise. Meanwhile playing outside and stick with your bf is considered open r/s.

 

In a case, there is a top that I like to be with. So willing I am to compromise as a top to flex. However I confronted him and his solution is to find a btm and he watch me fuck the btm while he watch. As he is not a very top that can last very long. I am not into 3 some and it was a big step for me and it was also hurting for me.

 

So ask your self how many times you want to feel heartbroken to be with someone you like but can't have good intimacy.

If intimacy is not your thing, and you practice self control, I will say yes if 2 tops or btms are together AND feel the same way. Which is super rare.

[Guest Guest]

IMHO, there is no such thing as 'pure' top or "pure" bottom. If you are truly gay, you would have, atleast, give it a try to bottom or to top just to check it out. THen maybe preference is the key word. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't mind compromising just to make your relationship work. Sex plays a major part in your relationship unless you are in your 50s and older than sex might play a lesser role (in general).

Yes we all know some tops sometimes can be converted to bottoms.

In fact I met a top fb and we had sex for a few months. He was attached with another top and his bf knew about me.

A few months later he told me he don't want to sex with me anymore. I thought his bf knew and was okay. He didn't reply me.

I left some clothes for changing at his house so he told me to collect anytime then return the keys to him. Weeks later, I went one weekday afternoon to collect them so as not to disturb him.

I was surprised to hear sex noises coming from his room where we used to sex. It was not his usual sex noise, more like moaning when getting fucked.

Hallelujah, when I quietly peeped in he was being fucked by a bear guy. And that was not his bf. He always told he was pure top and would not change for his bf that's why he fucked me instead.

I wonder why he let him fuck him. The bear guy was not much different from me even cock was not big. Since I didn't want to disturb them, I quietly left. When I went again next week, again he was having sex but this time with his bf. He was merrily being screwed by his bf. Again I had to leave quietly. I forgot that we both usually had the same days off and that's why we became good fb and he used to screw my head off on those days.

Maybe I was consciously hoping to meet him and get screwed again but he got other plans apparently.

The 3rd week I went after work knowing I cannot avoid him since he will be home near midnight too. Sure enough he was there, though last time I would get screwed by him, washed up and change into the night clothes I kept in his room then sleep over.

I was surprised when he told me they knew I was there both times. Well as most gays who were too deep into sex, they didn't want to stop and the tops even wanted 3P with 2 bottoms if I wanted join in.

I was like huh? last time it was with his bf was 2 tops now he became bottom. So with me we now became 2 bottoms and 2 bottom fb of course cannot continue since we only wanted sex.

I heard of top converting to bottom but never seen one real case. Then it had to be my fb so funny. When I tried to hug him and hope to get intimate with him, he became so shy

When I finally got him naked, I saw love marks on his nipples, thighs and neck. They looked pinkish faded but still fresh. Goodness, he must had sex only minutes ago! I was almost 3rd time lucky seeing him being screwed but this time that top must be quite nasty to him. Errmmm I can still see that patch of wetness on his buttocks and can almost smell the scent of another man's semen on him.

Oh my goodness, he became a slut bottom already. My poor pp looked as shy as a newly deflowered virgin in my arms, not the grunting brute that I used to know. Hehe I even cheekily inserted my fingers into his ass and 3 fingers was no problem. But he did put his hand to stop me from exploring further. It was not the aaahhhh pleasures sound like mine when he fingered me, it was his contorted face and that seeehhh of pain.

Oh my goodness, was that top so brutal to hurt him like that. I stared at him and he sheepishly looked away with a shy demure grin. Oh my goodness, he enjoyed it actually.

Oh well, it was definitely over between us 2 bottoms I knew for sure and we will not even keep in touch.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

A true homosexual being can only attest to living out the whole spectrum of a gay existence by being a flex. This type of men can switch their mindset very efficiently between the two roles in a single sex session. The profound understanding of love,intimacy and mutual understanding of each other seem to hit these people much more earlier in their life.

Once they experience this intimacy they will transcend conventional stereotypes and sex can even become non penetrative to them anymore. They have learn how to pleasure themselves with feelings and thoughts not merely through the earthly vessel anymore.